A/N: I do not own any part of the Ninja Turtles corporation. All credit for the turtles and the rest of the TMNT characters. I do not own any brand names seen in this story. All credit goes to their respective owners. I only own my OCs.

** These are the revised & reworked Chapters of my first ever FanFiction. These are probably still trash but I enjoy writing them. Thanks to anyone who's stuck around, I'd love to hear your input!**

Trigger warning: There are some triggering situations and implications below. Please read with caution.

Chapter 4: A Knowing Of

Later that night, Cassidy walked back into the den from her shower only to be yelled at from across the lair.

"Cass! You're our tie breaker," Mikey called, a bowl of cheese puffs falling out of his orange bowl as he jumped in excitement.

"Okay," she giggled as she made to stand beside the couch, seeing that April had joined the party.

"Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?" The silence was almost deafening as the eyes of each brother and April waited for her answer.

"Well…" she teased, locking eyes with each member, "I don't see why it can't be." She said nonchalantly as she cocked her hip as if asking for a debate.

"HAH! Fuckin' told ya!" Raphael barked, throwing a fist full of caramel corn at his brother.

"Of course, your girlfriend has your back Raph," that was Leo's voice. Everyone went silent as Cassidy felt her skin seize up and her eyes locked onto April, who was looking at her with a shit eating grin. Shit.

"Fuck off Leo."

"Or what? You're not denying it." Leo challenged. Somebody woke up and chose violence, huh, Cassidy surmised in her head as she watched the flames climb between the two eldest brothers. She wasn't going to lie, with the lack of denial or confirmation from Raphael left her head reeling. She noticed that Raphael, who sat beside where she stood, leaned further away from her and that alone made her heart drop a little. Her mind was swirling as she became lost in her own thoughts. Does he like me? Like, like me? And, why did Mikey say, 'not this again?' Does that mean they've talked about me before, was it good, bad? Her mind continued its southward descent until she felt a movement beside her. Then, like a true savant, Mikey broke the tension with practiced ease.

"Ugh guys, c'mon," he shook his head in mock disdain as he rolled to square his shoulders.

"Who's up for a non-debatable Christmas movie?" Cassidy offered, as she pulled a pretzel rod from Mikey's snack bowl before moving to find a place to sit. Trying to steer clear of the large brute but, as luck would have it, the only space available without an obstructed view was right in front of him. With a small mental grumble, she grabbed the other beanbag chair and set it at Raphael's feet. Trying to give him as much space as she could, which was only managed by about three feet before him.

"Princess has spoken," Mikey held up the sacred remote, "Christmas movie it is, Angelcakes, would you do the honor?"

"How about Jim Carey's, The Grinch?" April offered, and with a collective decision, Mikey popped the movie in and we all got settled in. The movie began and all was calm. Well, almost everything, what shocked her the most was that once everyone was sucked into the movie, Raphael locked her beanbag between his strong feet and dragged her back until she rested against the front of the couch. Cassidy thanked her lucky stars that the only light was from the television as her cheeks stained red. There was no communication between them but she sensed that he had calmed down from his earlier tiff with Leo. Cassidy took the opportunity and snuggled in, adjusting the blanket around her knees and cuddled against Raphael's knee. Everything eased into a comfortable silence accompanied by Mikey, Donnie and April quoting their favorite lines. Cassidy was beginning to feel like she truly belonged.

A gentle nudge against her head lolled her awake, blinking quickly she glanced over her shoulder to see Raphael nodding towards his brothers. Rubbing her eyes, she noticed that Mikey had curled up with his bean bag, drool pooling on the floor. Leonardo was reclined beside Raphael, and despite his even breathing, his posture was stiff, alert and ready for any sense of danger. Donatello, on the other hand, must have gone back to his lab and looking around, Cassidy noticed that April was nowhere to be seen either. Huh.

"Bed?" Red's husky voice brought her back as the feel of his breath ghosted the side of her neck, causing gooseflesh to break across her chest and arms. Cassidy made to stand, but not before her back arched, pushing her arms up and over her head in a big stretch, instantly feeling the relief seep into her tired bones. She hasn't relaxed like this in a very long time. As she got her feet underneath her, she pushed up, losing her footing in the mound of blankets around her legs and fell back against Raphael. The feeling of his body tensing below her caused her breath to catch as she quickly pushed up and away from him. Not wanting him to feel uncomfortable by her clumsiness.

As she stumbled out her apology, she felt a warmth grip her hand and begin to pull, her eyes reaching up to lock with a bright amber. A silent knowing washed between them, a knowing of what, she wasn't quite sure, but it was something. They continued to walk hand in hand, leading up the metal stairs leading to the bedrooms, only stopping in front of the spare bedroom. As they stood silently, looking anywhere but each other, Cassidy swiped her thumb across his large knuckles and instantly regretted it. He jumped, snatching his hand back a beeline for his door with a mumbled 'goodnight.' Cassidy's heart jumped, unsure and slightly hurt by his actions, she watched him, but before he disappeared behind his door, he stopped. Looking back, the silence was almost deafening before he gave a curt nod and then vanished behind the door with a slam.

Cassidy Holloway, you're in so much trouble she thought as her own door closed and she slumped against it. Her back sliding until her bum hit the floor and she curled in on herself, her emotions running wild and she tried to figure out the large bara that she had a crush on.

With a start, she woke with a gasp, the sound of yelling and heavy metal hitting concrete startled her. Grumbling because she was far from a morning person, she noticed that it was just past nine in the morning and it was time to get up. Cassidy could hear the boys up and about downstairs and could only imagine what was going on as another round of yells echoed throughout the lair. Standing, her feet instantly froze against the cool concrete floor before she quickly made her way too and out the door. Tiptoeing out, not wanting to catch anyone's attention, she peered over the metal rail to look down into the kitchen.

As her eyes peered over the first floor, she found the two responsible for making all the noise. Mikey was surrounded by what had to be every single pot, pan and cooking utensil while Donatello was cradling what looked to be a broken coffee pot in his arms.

"HOW many TIMES have we told you NOT to touch the coffee pot Mike!" Donnie exclaimed and Cassidy instantly knew that both her and Donatello were not morning people.

"Dude, Don," Mikey's cheeks darkened as his eyes became brighter and his fingers trembled, "Cassidy likes hot chocolate and I thought I could make it in the coffee pot…"

Aw, Mikey Cassidy was rather fond of the younger brother and knew that his big heart was in the right place.

"Then ask next time," Cassidy has never heard Donnie raise his voice, and clearly it was a rare occurrence because April walked around Don and laid her hand gently on his elbow. The two turned and April accompanied him back to the lab as his coffee pot was cradled in his large arms.

Pushing from the rail, Cassidy made her way across the boardwalk and Raphael's door was thrown open, causing her to stutter-step.

"R-Raph!" Her hand grasped her heart as it started to race and her face flushed by the look he gave her, but before she could say much else, he ruffled her messy hair and threw her a smile as he made his way down the stairs.

Upon entering the kitchen, Mikey's excitement grew exponentially. How can a single person have this much energy? Cassidy sat atop a tall barstool and watched as the orange-banded brother bounced throughout the kitchen. He became covered in flour, cinnamon, egg yolks and more as he refused to let her help.

The rest of the brothers, even Donnie and April, funneled back into the kitchen and set the table as Mikey finished breakfast. Cassidy finally felt useful as April allowed her to pass out all the plates and napkins. She followed behind Raph who was handing out the cups while April was behind her adding the silverware.

"Psst," April poked Cass's back as they walked around the table and as she peered over her shoulder, Ape had a shit eating grin across her face.

Uh-oh, Cassidy would be lying if she said she wasn't worried about what April had up her sleeve. She knew that look, and it usually landed them in a form of interrogation.

The brothers disappeared back into the kitchen to grab all the food, which gave ample time to start her inquisition.

"So, when are you going to tell him?"

"Hmm?" Cassidy knew that she wasn't getting out of this so easily, but wanted to prolong the inevitable just a bit longer.

"You know exactly who I'm talking about," she rolled her eyes with a wiggle of her brow as her hip jutted out to enunciate her point.

"Then what about you and—," Cass didn't get a chance to finish as the turtle in question, carrying a fixed coffee pot back into the kitchen with the rest of the brothers. There was a shared silence between the two women as they looked at each other as if attempting to read the other's mind. Both silently call a truce, knowing that they needed to have a girls night and talk about the feelings they harbored for two of the four Hamato brothers.

Breakfast was delicious as there was a plethora of French toast, pancakes, toast, eggs, orange juice, apple juice, and more. Master Splinter joined as well and shared a few, embarrassing stories of his sons growing up that had both Cass and April rolling. Especially the one where Raphael swore up and down that he knew it was a joke and only went along with it because he didn't wanna upset his brothers. While, Donnie and Mikey howled about how Donnie made an army of robot cockroaches and both him and Mikey hid them in all of Raphael's stuff and tormented him because he made Mikey cry. It was all in good fun and a great way to spend a morning. Cassidy couldn't remember the last time she had such a fantastic morning, surrounded by so much love, by family. It was a little overwhelming, but all in a good way.

Not long after, April was called into work and Donnie drove her to work, leaving the rest of the brothers to finish cleaning up and getting around to complete their morning training. Cassidy got to sit in a watch the brothers go through the katas and experience Master Splinter within his element, along with his sons. It was eye opening, you'd have to be blind not to see the sheer strength that each of the boys, no, men possessed as they went about their training. She was awestruck all over again. Especially with Raphael, he was, was—sigh. Another time.

Not long after, the boys returned to their own daily routine, Raphael disappeared into the weight room, Leo stayed behind to meditate, Donatello returned to his lab and Mikey was about to bake.

"Alrighty, Ape said she'd be here around five or so, and she's bringing the rest of the ingredients for the pie crust. So—," he fumbled through the cupboards, disorganizing everything that Leo spent organizing this morning.

"We are gonna make cookies and brownies!" He turned excitedly, his hands filled with flour, chocolate chips, cocoa powder, vanilla extract and more. Brownies, Cassidy surmised and excitedly helped. They fell into a rhythm and as he turned to use the mixer, Cass attempted to open a bag of flour when Raph made his presence known. Sneaking up behind with a question of what she was doing. His large hands rested atop the island on either side of her which startled her with his close proximity and the bag of flour burst open and dropped. The air around them filled with flour, causing them both to laugh and Cassidy to sneeze through her giggles. Everything within a three foot radius was covered in flour.

Michelangelo whirled around, howling at the sight of both Raphael and Cassidy covered in white powder. A pile of flour accumulated in the dip of his shoulder and the lip of his plastron. Almost like snow, Mikey thought, he knew how much Raphael, even if he wouldn't admit it, loved the snow. But, Mikey also noticed that something in Raphael's eyes made him look…out of place. He looked so out of place at that moment, the bundle of muscles covered in flour and he looked utterly defeated. But Cassidy…

"Hahaha, you can't even get mad at me this time! It was all Cassidy!" Mikey doubled over, laughing so hard but of course, in that moment, Sensei and Leo walked into the kitchen.

"Did I hear that right?" Master Splinter asked, hands resting atop his cane.

"Mikey wasn't responsible for this?" Leo's brow rose, motioning towards Raphael and Cassidy's current state.

"Eh, whatever, Imma go shower," Raphael gruffed as he rolled his eyes, turning towards the bathroom, but was quickly stopped by his sensei's words.

"Raphael," the sternness in his father's voice stopped him in his tracks. Shit, the kitchen, he mused before turning to face his father.

"Please, allow Miss Cassidy to clean up first. You and Michelangelo will clean this mess as you were both instructed from yesterday." Splinter concluded, giving Mikey a pointed look at the sound of his youngest son's groan.

"Oh no, Master Splinter, it was my fault," Cassidy giggled, trying to brush as much of the flour off, shaking her shirt and a plume of white smoke emitted around her.

"Miss Cassidy, you're a guest in our home. It is a small mess and these two," looking between the sons in question, "know exactly where the cleaning supplies are." Each of the boys winced at the insinuation that yes, it was true, they both knew exactly where everything was.

"Okay," She hesitated, unsure of where any towels were, "I guess you're right," she smiled, "I don't know where any of the towels are anyway."

"No worries, Leonardo will show you where they are and make sure you're all squared away." Splinter soothed as he motioned for Leo to lead the way before he turned back towards his sons.

"This way Cassidy," Leonardo bowed, motioning for her to follow. Unbeknownst to her, he and Leo exchanged a look and the only evidence she had was the sound of Raphael's grumble and Mikey saying something along the lines of, someone's jealous. Which was followed by the resounding snap of Sensei's tail against the concrete.

"April keeps her toiletries here," he pointed towards a cupboard inside the bathroom, "and towels are on the shelf and when you're done just throw it in the hamper."

"Thanks Leo," Cassidy said as Leo bowed before leaving the bathroom. Finally alone, it was time to reflect. Her heart rate was back to normal and she could think, truly think about how it felt to have Raphael surrounding her. She wished she could cling to him, he was strong, so strong, kind yet gruff, soft yet unyielding. An enigma.

She undressed slowly, thinking about her friendship with the red bara. Soon enough, the warm water cascades down her back as she thinks back to how, what she now deems the 'flour episode,' occurred, in the first place. She had been startled, there was no denying that he was a ninja but how he had snuck up on her. But that wasn't all, he was so much larger than her and he had been so close, so close. His breath was a warm breeze against the back of her neck. Sigh.

Cassidy leaned back against the cool shower wall, the hot water coating her chest and dripping down her body as she envisioned his breath ghosting over her neck again. As if he was in this very stall with her. Her mind was reeling as Raphael, now the leading man, was in full control of her. Memories of every instance that his skin has touched her flooded her brain while his scent clouded her senses. The scent of leather, chlorine and a hint of gasoline, a musky and entirely male scent. She had felt so safe when around him, especially as he crowded her body with his just a few minutes ago. He'd never hurt me despite his strength and relatively short temper, he'd never hurt her. Never. Cassidy has never felt so certain of anything in her entire life. She's tried dating in the past yet, the first boyfriend was more interested in her friend and the last one became violent after a few months. She was thankful for getting out when she did. Never again. But…Raphael's bright amber eyes were brought to the forefront of her mind. He's quickly become her best friend, aside from April, but he's something more, something that Cassidy wanted to explore. She felt ridiculous but…she just knew, just knew that he could see her, for all that she was. All that she is and all that she will be. Getting lost in her thoughts, she embraced the fact that yes, she was falling for her best friend. Hard. And she also knew that, most likely, nothing would come of it simply because he deserved someone better, pure and all loving. Cassidy sighed in defeat and finished washing up, the water running cool against her flesh. After turning off the water, she exited to get dressed and go back to helping Mikey. No sooner did Cass open the bathroom door, was she affronted by the man that plagued her thoughts. Speak of the devil.

"There ya are, ya good?" Raphael quirked a covered brow before he shifted, brining his hand up to brush against her cheek. Her skin flushed almost instantly and, of course, he noticed.

"You're all red, you sure?" His voice laced with concern as his golden amber burned her alive. Cassidy felt her inside melt and knew that if she could combust into a million flames, she would have. Get ahold of yourself girl she internally groaned as she mumbled that she was fine and moved to step away.

"Ya, just had a hot shower," she fumbled, shoving her tingling hands in her hoodie pocket to avoid reaching for him because if she did, she'd grab the thick strap of leather across his chest and make him flush. Tempting.

"I, I gotta help Mikey," She attempted to say nonchalantly but he was in her head, and she was losing the battle as she continued to fumble her words, "Have a good soap. I mean, use soap, uh shower. Have a good shower." Her word vomit spewed quicker than she could try and swallow them back. Now, only wishing that the floor beneath her feet would open and suck her in and allow her to leave this embarrassing moment forever. Before he had a chance to laugh or make a move, Cassdy rushed past him in a whoosh and disappeared back into the kitchen, not hearing his final words.

"She's somethin',' ' his words mumbled and only heard, unbeknownst to him, by his father as he watched Raphael disappear into the bathroom. A small smile adorned Splinter's face as he witnessed the interaction unfold and wondered how long his son and Miss Cassidy had been together. He'd have to ask, at another time, it was still too soon.

Walking into the kitchen, Cassidy was welcomed by the sight of Michelangelo bent over and gazing into the stove, watching their baked goods come to life.

"How they lookin'?"

"We've got 30 seconds left and they'll be ready to pull!" He turned his excited blue eyes her way and looked like an energetic puppy. My little golden retriever boy. She bent to join and witnessed that, the cookies look perfect with their ooey-gooey center and lightly crisp edges.

"Mmm, they look and smell delicious!" Cassidy rubbed her hands together, licking her lips as the kitchen had filled with the heavenly smell of freshly baked cookies.

"No!" Mikey exaggerated, wrapping his arms protectively around her knelt form, his large hand stroking her damp hair, "we gotta be strong! We have to wait until tomorrow!" Cassidy couldn't conceal her giggles at his antics, he was an absolute goof. She envied his innocence.

As the timer finally sounded, she watched as he pulled the piping hot cookie sheet from the stove and set them atop a trivet on top of the counter. As the cookies sat to cool, Cass and Mikey began working on the brownies. This was Cassidy's favorite part, she had a few good memories with her biological mother, Charlotte, back in Ohio. Growing up, every Christmas until she was about nine, they would make brownies the night before and lay them out with a tall glass of milk for Santa.

Michelangelo watched as Cassidy began to smile to herself as she stirred the brownie mix.

"What'cha thinkin' about baby cakes?" Cassidy flinched, Mikey having caught her off guard, "Oh, just how Charolette and I use to bake brownies for Santa on Christmas Eve."

"Charlotte?" He questioned, but he was worried, he sensed that there was something off with the way Cassidy said that name.

"She's my biological mom." Cassidy hadn't meant for her words to sound so short and upon the look on Mikey's face, she instantly regretted ever bringing it up.

"M'sorry Mikey, I just, I don't have a good relationship with her… didn't have the best childhood growing up." That was all that Cass was willing to share, she didn't want to dampen his mood or ruin his innocence with her past.

Mikey watched as Cass tried to hide within herself and focus solely on stirring the brownie mix, and he knew that the conversation was over. Maybe he'd ask Raph about it. So, in the meantime, he leant over and wrapped her in a tight side hug before bobbing her nose with a loving touch. They continued in silence before Mikey turned up his Christmas tunes that echoed throughout the lair. Yes, let's get festive! Cassidy was thankful for Michelangelo, he was a light spirit and she never realized how desperately she needed someone like him in her life. He made everything seem so easy and carefree.

"Hmmm, yo Mike, these look delicious," Raphael's deep baritone levitated into the kitchen as he emerged in the doorway with a towel slung over this shoulder. But, what shocked Cassidy the most was that as she looked up, the sound of metal whipped and a chain wrapped itself around Raphael's outstretched hand. Mikey effectively wanked the large brute away from the batch of cooling cookies.

"Damn Mike," Raph twisted as he gripped the chain and tugged to pull Mikey toward him, "It's just a cookie,"

"Back. Away. From. The cookies, dude." Cassidy has never seen Mikey look so serious in the entire time that she's known him, it was honestly quite comical. Seeing him so dead set and focus was a little unnerving and so unlike him.

"A'ight, lemme go," Raphael grumbled, tossing a glance between Cassidy and his youngest sibling. Looking almost conflicted with something that Cass couldn't. He's probably wishing I wasn't here so he could kick Mikey's ass, Cass giggled to herself knowing that, upon further inspection of his uncertainty, that's exactly the war that he had raging in that large head of his.

"Don't. Touch." The nunchuck warding brother warned, pausing for effect before he started to untangle his trapped brother from the tight chain.

Shit, should've seen this comin', Mikey surmised as it was no sooner that the cain dropped from his wrist that Raphel reached, and him in a headlock.

"Say it," Raphael grinned, giving his younger brother a bruising noogie over his bald head, poor Mikey whining for him to stop.

"Say it—,"

"Alight, alright, alright!" Mikey pleaded, "Raph's the best, sexiest and most skilled ninja out of all ninjas!"

"And,"

"And he's the best brother that a brother could ask for!" Cassidy covered her mouth to stifle her laughs, as Michelangelo continued to spew 'facts' about his older brother with yelps of pain sprinkled here and there.

Once satisfied, Raphael let the orange-banded terrapin go and no sooner had he, a scoop of brownie batter was booped right on Cassidy's button nose.

"Ya ain't gettin' away that easy eitha'," Raphael winked, before licking the remaining batter from his forefinger. Oh yeah tough guy?"

"Red!" She gleamed before jabbing her fingers into the batter to spread across his cheek, her thumb grazing the scar that adorned his top lip.

"Not the BATTER!" Mikey screamed, launching himself towards the bowl to get it away from their childish antics. The irony.

"Out now!" Mikey yelled above their laughter, "The BOTH of you!" He squinted between the two in question, motioning for them to leave the premises. Feeling a little defeated, Cassidy pouted, calling back a quiet, "sorry Mikey," before she made her way toward the couch. Flopping down haphazardly with her arms crossed over her chest and her lip protruding with a pout.

"Why so grumpy?" Raph questioned, ruffling her still damp hair from behind where she sat on the couch. Cassidy leaned back and glared up at the Red-masked ninja. His gaze is calm like the ocean yet burned like a wildfire. He was the epitome of fire and ice. Her eyes dropped though, the second that god-forsaken toothpick rolled, twisting between his lips. The brownie batter almost dry on his lip caused Cass to lick her own thoughts as she wondered if it'd taste different. No brain, stop. He stooped closer, and her heart raced and butterflies filled the space in her stomach, his large finger ran across her nose in an attempt to remove the half-dry brownie batter. Her smile morphed into a smirk as a thought struck her. Cassidy twisted on the couch, turning to face him atop the cushions on her knees. Her arms lifted to squeeze his face between her hands before she swept her thumb over his top lip, finger dipping slightly over his scar, successfully removing the brownie batter. But, the second the batter was gone, their eyes locked and the entire world went silent, the only thing either one of them could hear was the beat of their own drum. Her surge of courage burned quickly but she wasn't done. She wanted him to burn the way he made her burn earlier, she must stay strong. With a quick decision, she brought the batter to her lips, licking her thumb clean with a gentle suck. His eyes dropped to watch the way her small pink tongue wrapped around her tiny thumb and it took all that he was not to grab her for a taste. In that moment, Cassidy would've paid top dollar to have a picture of the look on his face. His cheeks did, indeed, darken, but so did his eyes as he zeroed in on her lips. What have I done? Her panicked thought struck a chord and she wondered if this was it. The air between them shifted, both seeming unsure with their next move but each ignited enough to push and find out. Without either one breaking eye contact, they began to lean closer, and closer. Their eyes grew heavy as the air between them grew heavier as they tasted each breath, their lips centimeters apart. Cassidy knew that right then and there, she knew exactly what she wanted. Who she wanted.

"ANGELCAKES!"

Raphael jumped back with a start and with a heavy breath, she watched as his body tightened, his lips falling into a flat line. Oh no, Ra— she didn't even get a chance to speak or yell for him as he turned and before she could jump up and follow, April entered into the den.

"Hey Cass! Thought you were supposed to be helping Mikey with the baking?" She handed a box of baking soda from the grocery bag she had set on the counter.

"I was banned from the kitchen. It was entirely Raph's fault." Cassidy refused to take full blame for the 'brownie batter' incident. She simply retaliated like any normal person would…right? Or was it her attempt at flirting?

"Speaking of which, where'd he go? Wasn't he with you?" There was something in the way that April said that had Cassidy knowing exactly what was being insinuated. April was trying to fish and see if there was any development between her and the red bara.

"Eh, he probably went to go lift weights or something," truly, she didn't know, all she knew was that her heart ached just slightly by how quickly he disappeared after they almost kissed. That's what it was right? A kiss. An almost kiss? Cassidy grumbled before offering to help put the rest of the groceries away. Though she was lost in thought, she didn't hear that April had brought down a friend until the door to the lair opened and an unfamiliar call echoed through the large space.

"Hey! The Falcon is HERE babyyy!" A tall looking man, probably within his forties entered into the kitchen, his arms outstretched in welcome despite being loaded down with four grocery bags.

Whose that?