A/N: Trigger warning: Mention of sexual abuse, drugs and cussing. Please be advised.

It's been a full month. It's now March 2nd and he hasn't seen or heard from Cassidy at all. He has tried to give her space but he's over it. FUCK!

His punches were getting out of control, the bag worse for wear as it slung back and forth, the chains screeching with each hit. In a blind rage Raph pulled his sais and stabbed and ripped through the bag. This bag has been his only confidant that could handle him. The one thing that still linked him to her. He had already thrown the hoodie she got him somewhere under his bed, he couldn't stand to look at it. He stood, sais gripped in his deafening grasp as he seethed, staring at the sand that emptied the bag. His eyes went blurry as his mind replayed everything for the millionth time.

Raph has tried EVERYTHING to get Cassidy out of his head. She had taken a permanent residence in his head, made herself a cozy hall and refused to open the door. He's tried talking with Splinter, he's tried meditating with Leo, he's tried to goof off with Mikey and he's even tried to help Don repair and update the garbage truck and work on Stella. Nothing. No help. Nada.

April has called, she's been around, her and Casey both have. It's been…tense. April understands where the boys are coming from but she also understands why Cassidy struggled with the new information. April said she tried talking to her about how Raph didn't know and he wanted to see her but she just kept saying she's been busy. April hasn't seen her in over two weeks.

April did let the boys know that Cassidy has started taking some college courses. She has one class in person once a week and then the rest are online. April also found out that Cassidy had taken up another job at a local grocery store as a cashier. Soon after finding out, Raph and Donnie hack into her schedule, which took a lot of convincing due to what transpired the last time he hacked into her life. Raph had tried to go topside, to keep watch and guard her on her way back and forth from class. Leo wouldn't allow it, neither would Master Splinter. This only enraged Raphael more. He was torn. He was challenging his instinct which was to thrust himself back into her life and force her to tell him exactly what she was doing. But, he is trying to mature here, y'know, grow and shit. Be the person she needs, not the person she'll despise and hate.

All the boys were worried, aside from Himself, Mikey was the one struggling the most without Cassidy. Those two were inseparable, and insufferably close, Mikey missed his sister. Mikey, unbeknownst to Raph, has gone topside and made sure Cass got to and from work easily and from her night class when he was able to sneak from patrol long enough to ensure her safety. Even Leo has pitched in and kept watch over Cassidy, making sure that her area was still safe, and despite the distance that has been put between her and his brothers, he cared about her well being. Donatello continued to watch the surveillance footage in case anyone was following her from her short trips to the stores and back. Each brother was doing his part to protect Cassidy, while giving her space.

Recently, there was an incident at the lair. April was there, Casey was hanging with Raph in the dojo and out of earshot when April's phone rang. It was Cassidy. The entire den went quiet, Donnie glanced up from his mechanic magazine, Mikey paused his game, and Leo even lifted his eyes from his book.

"Cassidy"

"April…Hey…um" Cassidy went quiet on the other end, April stood up and started to pace, walking to the back of the couch.

"Are you okay?" April asked, her voice barely above a whisper, knowing the three boys in the room with her were listening in even though they pretended to look busy.

"I…um…can you come over?" April could hear the worry in her voice, she sensed that something was wrong, more so than what was already plaguing her conscious.

"What's wrong?"

"Ape…I need you please." Cass paused, April could hear her labored breathing and her mind started to flood with endless possibilities why Cassidy decided to break the silence now.

" — I can't be alone…Ape…it's Charolette…my mom" Cassidy broke at that last bit.

"I'm coming. Hold tight, I'll be there in twenty." April clicked as Cassidy whispered a small thank you before shoving the phone into her back pocket.

"Can you tell Casey that I'm headed out? Tell him I'll see him tomorrow please." Donnie and Leo locked eyes, while Michelangelo nodded and stood up to head towards the dojo.

"I will accompany you." Leo stood, placing his book on the coffee table before moving to meet April at the entrance to the Lair.

"I don't know Leo," Shaking her head as she whipped her yellow jacket around her shoulders.

"I'll keep my distance unless absolutely necessary."

"Peace of mind April. I'll keep Mikey occupied." Donnie offered as he made his way to the kitchen to make another pot of coffee. With a final nod between the three, Leo and April made their way topside to go meet Cassidy.

Not even ten minutes later did Raph and Case exit the dojo. Casey looked at Don and asked,

"April went home? Mike said she wasn't feelin' too well?" Donnie looked at his youngest brother who had a slight distant and somber look on his face as he stood behind Casey and Raphael.

"Uh, yeah, I tried to examine her but she insisted it wasn't anything to worry about."

"Where's Fearless?" Raph asked, finally realizing that the blue leader was nowhere to be found and his door was open with no lights.

"Leo took her to make sure she made it home safely."

"Why didn't she wait for me?" Casey half-mumbled to himself as he slung on his leather jacket and adjusted his sweats before he headed towards the garage for his bike.

"M'comin." Raph said as he too grabbed his leather jacket before heading after Casey. Raphael was in desperate need of some air.

"Raph, you know you're not to leave"

"Buzz off Don." Raph ignored him as he followed Casey until he was seated on his bike and Raph made his way over to Stella.

Donnie was on his tail, despite hating being put in these positions, he knew that he needed to at least try and honor Leo with keeping Raph out of trouble.

"You know Leo won't be happy about this. It is a 99.999998% chance that Leo will have you in the Hashi if you try anything."

"Yeah, ol' fearless can fuck off."

"Raph." Donnie sighed as he watched his brother thrust the helmet onto his head, Casey glanced at Don with an apologetic look, as if to say, 'sorry man.' The two bikers then peeled out of the garage and into the refreshing night air.

Donnie sent a text to Leo letting him know that Raph was out and to keep an eye incase Raph got the idea to stop by Cassidy's.

Leo sighed, shaking his head as he tucked the phone back onto his belt. April and him were a few blocks from Cassidy's, April had shot her a text letting her know she'd be there in less than five minutes. Once Leo had trusted April was okay, he recommended that she head up through the front door instead of having him drop her off at the balcony. He wanted to keep his presence under wraps. Leo and Cassidy were not close at the beginning, but they both had an understanding that there was a mutual respect. He would never admit it, but he did feel guilty about how he had initiated going about forcing Donnie to dive into Cassidy's life. He felt as though he had dishonored not only himself, but his brothers. Leonardo took a perch on the building across the street from Cassidy's apartment. Keeping watch to see if his brother in red would attempt to see her. Leo settled in, knowing it was going to be a long night.

— —

Once Leo had dropped April off in the alley, she made her way up to Cass's apartment in less than 3 minutes. The apartment building had finally fixed the broken elevator, to which April was eternally grateful.

April was facing Cass's apartment door, looking down, she noticed that Cass had a new welcome mat that said, 'if you're not Amazon. Go away.' April was chuckling to herself as Cassidy opened the door. Her face immediately dropped as she saw how broken Cassidy looked.

"Ape," a cry that shattered April's heart ripped through her, April lunged, pushing Cass back into her apartment by wrapping her arms around her in a crushing hug.

"Oh Cass…sweetheart, what's wrong?" April cooed, squeezing Cassidy while she stroked her long hair.

"It's…ugh…my mom…Charlotte…she's passed. She's DEAD April…" Cass's body went limp as she allowed April to hold her up. Finally having someone here, Cass felt she could finally let it out.

April felt a multitude of emotions hit her all at once. Cassidy had confided in April and was told stories of what Cass's mother would do before she was taken in by the neighbors.

"I don't know what to feel. She…she gave birth to me…She used me. I should be sad…but I am relieved. How terrible am I to feel relieved that someone has died!" Cassidy collapsed onto the couch, a new wave of tears streamed down her face.

"April… I'm sorry"

"No. No, do NOT apologize to me Cassidy. I have been so worried about you. I am here for you. I may not be a counselor but I do know that what your mother put you through was just…unthinkable."

"I have come to terms with that…but I still feel as though I should be…"

"You don't have to be anything. Cass…she…" April couldn't form the words because she could only taste the sourness of her hate on her tongue.

"Yes April…she used me to buy drugs, used me as if I was her 'good luck charm,'"

"Cassidy. She SOLD YOU! Sold you for drugs! NO one should EVER be subjected to that, not even from her own mother."

"Haha…" An emotionless laugh left her body as she laid her head against the back of the couch.

"It's all in the past April…the woman that did that to me is gone…and I can't pin down the emotions I feel. I am relieved, I feel as if I have a new life…as if I can finally breathe…but, I am also sad…"

"Why do you feel sad?"

"She's reached out… before…y'know, the last time I was with you and the guys," April could see Cass's face faltering at the mention of the boys. April had an inkling on which 'boy' she was thinking about. If only Cass knew he hasn't been the same since. April was brought back to reality as Cassidy took a ragged breath before continuing, "…she had left a voicemail before I went to the lair that day. She asked if I'd be willing to talk to her. I wasn't going to…but after everything that happened that night, I was weak. I wanted to yell at someone and she was a good target." Cassidy shrugged, her hands clutched the cushions at her sides, her eyes filling with tears as she stared up at her apartment ceiling. April sat facing her, within arms reach, trying to keep her composure as she let Cassidy let it all out.

"After…After Raph left that night I screamed. I finished his bottle of Jack before I called her. I just yelled and screamed about everything she put me through. I told her I hated her, I wished her dead… April, she agreed with me. She agreed and apologized. Yes, no apology is good enough but she mentioned she was dying of cancer and has supposedly been sober for the last five years. She got my number from the sister of Marilyn, the neighbor who essentially raised me." She took a deep breath. April could see that Cassidy was shaking, maybe not from the chill, but the overstimulation of emotions that she was trying to work through. April pulled the blanket from the floor and shifted to sit right beside Cass, wrapping the blanket around them both. She placed her arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her, not speaking a word. Cassidy let out a strangled breath with a hiccup as she laid her head against April's shoulder.

"I got a call from her doctor, I guess she had me down as her beneficiary and her emergency contact. He let me know that she passed in her sleep, and it was a peaceful death… A part of me hates that she left so peacefully…yet another part of me doesn't…It feels gross to think that way. I have been through a lot of counseling…I was finally at a place where I could live with my trauma and not let it control me. I just don't know anymore."

April felt a tear land against her cheek, she hadn't realized that she started crying until she squeezed Cass and laid her head against Cassidy's crown. The silence was almost deafening until Cassidy started up again.

"I miss him."

"Who…"

"You know who. The big, red, angry, frustrating, rage filled turtle." A sad smile fell upon April's face. From her position, she couldn't see Cassidy's face, almost thankful because April knew that if she saw her, she'd start crying and tell her everything.

"He misses you too, y'know."

"Pfft. Yeah, okay April." She could hear the eye roll and sarcasm dripping in her voice.

"He does."

"I wouldn't blame him if he doesn't. I was so mean…He…They didn't deserve how I reacted."

"They miss you. We all do."

"I don't know how to apologize to them…I mean, it was unfair of them to keep that kind of info from me… but I get it. I get why Leo did what he did. I get why Donnie did what he did… I don't get why Raph hid it from me."

"Cass…he found out the same night you did… he was so angry. Casey talked to him a few days after everything and he said that Raph just lost it. Him and Leo went at it, so bad that they both got injured and Master Splinter had to be the one to separate them. I'm not going to lie Cass, it's been tense."

"…Is he okay?"

"Yeah, they both have a few new scars to add to the collection, but they are back to their usual 'normal' now." April made the bouncing bunny ears with her hands when she said, "normal." The action caused Cassidy to let out her first real smile of the night and a small breathy laugh.

"So…any idea how I can apologize?"

"Pizza and hugs would be my best guess." April shrugged as she unwrapped her arms and stood to go get her and Cass something to drink. As Cass watched April walk to the kitchen, she could have swore she saw a flash of red on her balcony.

— —

Leo checked his watch, it's been about an hour, he decided to jump across and check to make sure both April and Cass were doing alright when he noticed his red banded brother leap onto the roof beside Cassidy's apartment.

"What ya gonna do Raph?" Leo whispered to himself as he laid low, watching Raphael. Raphael was pacing across the roof, back and forth, back and forth. Six steps, turn, six steps back. Leo watched as Raph grabbed at his phone, looked at the blank screen, before letting out a frustrated grunt and placing the phone back on his belt. He was now turned, facing Cassidy's apartment before he clapped his hands together then made to drop on her balcony. Leo was expecting Raphael to make an obnoxious amount of noise to announce his arrival but he was surprised as he watched the largest of his brothers encaged in perfect stealth.

Raphael was perched at the balcony of Cass's apartment, looking into the window, he was confused when he saw April lift from the couch and head towards the kitchen. Raph saw Cassidy for the first time in a month. He's missed her. A lot. She looked adorable, curled up in a boxy hoodie, her chin tucked into the hoodie, only her tiny button nose and hazel eyes visible. A fleece lined blanket wrapped over her legs and as he saw her turn her head towards the window, he saw a shiny trail against her cheek before he moved to hide to remain unseen. She'd been crying. April didn't look sick and all he wanted to do was wrap Cass in a crushing hug. He wanted to touch her, let her know that…that he was sorry. Damn. This girl has him all fucked up. Raphael didn't apologize. He rarely asked for forgiveness but when it came to her…how could he stay mad? Casey was right…Cassidy had Raphael completely wrapped around her petite little fingers. The worst of it all, she didn't even know.

Before Raph even registered what happened he heard a small whisper come from his left side.

"Hey big guy." Cassidy. Her head was peeping out of the window, red puffy eyes, tangled brown hair and chapped lips. Raphael thought she had never looked so beautiful.

"Hey doll" Hearing his gravelly voice sent a shiver down her spine. God how she missed the way he made her feel.

At the sound of her nickname and the sudden warmth that encased her core, she lent him a small smile before nodding for him to come inside.

It was only a month but at that smile, Raphael knew at that moment, he'd never let her out of his sight that long ever again. He was going to find a way to be what she needed, and maybe…what she wanted.

All he could do was hope…and in Mikey's words, trust the process.