Author's Notes: Hello all. Ready for another chapter of the best Persona 3 fic out there? Good, because here we go. No small one this time, so strap in. Before that, big thanks to Firion for his help on this. Here're a few replies to my terrific reviewers:
Armeh: See, I know your comment was meant in good spirits, but the way you ended it, "Hopefully you'll write something else before the end of the year," just makes the red settle over my eyes. That's a challenge, good sir! A thrown gauntlet! I cannot let this stand; pistols, at dawn! ...There, now that that's out of my system, onto the review proper. It's good to hear from you again, and I'm glad that you've stuck it out this long. It's hard to believe that it's been this long already, but I promised that I would finish this baby and finish it I will. I'm glad Mitsuru came across in the chapter, as that was my focus. Persona 3 is interesting in that the progression of the characters is synonymous with the progression of the plot - everyone's tied to the main struggle in some way or another that the story wouldn't have worked if they were just normal people. It's a unique creature in that regard, and it's a joy to write in. Thanks for the review, and enjoy the chapter!
Ramix: Hm... I could be wrong here, but I take it by your use of capital letters and the mention of infernal beings that you take a degree of umbrage with the previous chapter. Please correct me if I'm wrong. In sincerity, I'll take the punches if it means you felt strongly enough to write such an intense review – that's what I was going for. I have taken the game's ending into consideration when formulating my own, but to say more would spoil things. I will simply invite you to read the story to its conclusion and decide if it is fitting. Thanks for the review, and enjoy a chapter that's a little more upbeat.
B1ackAshes: For last chapter being a short one, I'm glad it could still draw you in. It's interesting you mention Ken and his Shadow, actually...
emoprotagonist: Hi! I am indeed in this for the long haul. It'll get done if it's the last thing I do, and I have other projects after this one so I have to complete this one. And complete it I will. I won't comment on the ending since it's the topic everyone brings up with Persona 3, other than to say that I have been working on it for a long time. As to the next chapter, you need wait no longer. Enjoy!
Heroking121: Gladly!
Onto the chapter at large. Drop me a line and let me know which part of this one you liked most – it's been a long time coming.
Chapter 20 - Reprise
Morning greeted her, the sound of birds outside her window accompanying the gentle blush of dawn. Mitsuru stirred, then wriggled closer to her couch. It was particularly soft and warm, and it would be a perfect place to get some more rest. No nightmares, no memories, nothing to wake her up in the middle of the night. She needed more of this, and she didn't want to move.
That is, until her hands met ribs and a collarbone, and the couch moved under her with the gentle rhythm of sleep. She looked over and blinked blearily. Why was her couch wearing a t-shirt? And what was that patch of blue ha–
Oh.
The stiffness in her joints, the soreness in her back from sleeping awkwardly, disappeared as she realized that Arisato had stayed with her through the night again. Just like when Shinjiro died. And just as then, she'd slept better than when she was alone. She stopped moving, not wanting to wake him up. She used the chance to study him; it wasn't everyday that she could look at a sleeping Arisa– Minato-kun. The use of his name brought a delighted rosiness to her cheeks.
He was handsome. She'd heard girls giggle about him when he passed by, and they commented on the quiet confidence that manifested in his dry sense of humour and immunity to the school gossips. His eyelashes were long, calling her attention to his sharp cheekbones and the distinctly masculine edges of his face. He hadn't been particularly boyish when he'd arrived in April, but whatever baby fat he'd had back then was gone, leaving a mature look in its place. His hair was next, that unique shade of blue that made her fingers itch to ruffle, if only to make him object. His hands and arms were firm from sword practice and the harsh rigor of the Dark Hour, and while he was soft enough under her, it wasn't hard to find tight muscle and tendon when she touched him.
He put people ill at ease when he spoke to them, probably because they sensed he was more than just a laid-back student with a sharp mouth. They knew he was dangerous, but couldn't understand where the feeling came from. She'd seen the power he possessed and it warranted caution, perhaps even fear. But she didn't fear him. Even when Thanatos had emerged, when he'd fought Aigis or when he'd annihilated that Shadow on the bridge, she always knew he'd protect them. Protect her. Even now, when he was shifting in his sleep, he made her feel safe, something no other boy had ever achieved.
Sharp, handsome, loyal and smart, but with that boyish side to him he only brought out when they were on their dates. He was a complete package, and it was with a distinctly female sense of pride and possessiveness that Mitsuru touched his hand and smiled. He was all those things, and he was hers.
Whether it was that thought, her lingering stare or the stroking of his hand, he began to shift under her, waking up, and those blue eyes opened and met her own. They were bleary with sleep, unfocused, but they cleared once he saw her. "Hey," he murmured.
"Good morning."
"Did you sleep all right?"
"I did. Better than I have in a while."
"That's good. You look better."
It clicked just then that she was still wearing her clothes from the night before, that she hadn't showered in days, and that the last time she'd looked into a mirror, she'd nearly given herself a heart attack. The only thing that kept her from running for her bedroom was that he looked even worse than she did. Neither of them smelled good right now, but that meant she couldn't be blamed for it. That excuse would have to do. "So do you," she told him. "In spite of everything."
He grimaced and cracked his neck, and his joints popped as he shifted into a sit. "Could be worse," he muttered, then glanced at her with a smile. "Could definitely be worse."
She ducked her head, blushed and smiled. A comfortable silence stretched between them.
"I should get cleaned up," he offered finally. "And find some fresh clothes. Hopefully Yukari hasn't used up the hot water yet."
As though conjured by his words, the water pipes gurgled faintly from the nearby room of their teammate. Mitsuru giggled.
Minato-kun sighed. "Figures. Well, at least it's nothing new. I'm not sure what I'd do if it wasn't cold."
"Come back when you're done," she told him, rising.
"I will. There're still things to cover from yesterday."
He left, his touch lingering on her hand, and once the door closed behind him she bolted for her own shower, peeling her clothes off and throwing them into the laundry basket. She wanted them away from her, and it was either throw them or burn them. She ran the water as warm as she could handle and washed her hair twice. She checked herself in the mirror, applying a light skin cream to her hands and face. She wasn't as pale or baggy-eyed as before, and much as she wanted to look her best as quickly as possible, she wouldn't waste resources if rest was the best answer. Good uninterrupted rest, the likes of which she seemed most likely to get when Minato-kun was around.
As she dressed, that detail got her thinking.
She had some time, and she used it to contact Abe-san and continued on a few points she'd left alone before. He commented on how much better she sounded. "Whatever you're doing, keep it up. I'll pay for it out of pocket if I need to."
She told him she would, not getting into the details. She was going over some paperwork when Minato-kun knocked on her door. He also looked better, in his school uniform and grumbling to himself.
"Is everything okay?" she inquired, standing in front of him.
"Yukari swears she only had a short shower, but mine was freezing. Maybe the water heater's having problems or something." He shook his head. "Anyway, I spoke to the others. Akihiko-senpai's going to start working with Ken today, and I want to be there when he does. If it helps Ken get his Persona back, it's worth the time."
"I agree. Given recent events, we need everyone to be at their best. Actually, I've received a status update on Aigis."
"How is she?"
Mitsuru moved some papers aside on her desk, recalling the email from memory. "Physically, her repairs are proceeding as expected. They anticipate she'll be battle-ready in a few weeks. The problem is that she's emotionally withdrawn from the technicians, so much that she's essentially on standby. Abe-san doesn't think she'll have the same problems Ken did – she was created with a Persona, so it's natural for her to be able to use one – but she's been quiet."
"Hm. She knew something about Thanatos when it came out, said me summoning it was a step too far or something. We should talk to her, see what she knows."
"Will you be all right in that case?"
He glanced to the side. "I... I'm not sure. It's easy to talk shop, but everything's still raw. But without answers we're flying blind."
"None of us would blame you if you wanted to give it time. I'll ask Yamagishi if she'll talk to Aigis."
"Maybe, but she might know something we don't. Something important. I'll think it over. The school trip to Kyoto is coming up, so I'll decide after that."
Mitsuru had forgotten about it. She'd told the school she couldn't chaperone and left it to the others. "You're going?"
"I think we all should. The Dark Hour and the Shadows are important, but I think we need to get back to normal. Things have gotten crazy this past week, but that shouldn't hem us in. Speaking for myself, if I lock myself up here I'll probably get stuck in my own head again. I'd rather go to school and get back into normal life."
"That's not a bad idea. I think something normal would help us all."
"That includes you, you know. Will you be okay for that?"
She hesitated. There was no denying it would be strange to go back to school after everything. "I'm not sure either. But I'll try. I don't want to fall back into bad habits again either."
"We'll be there to help you however we can."
"Promise me you'll take your own advice. You've suffered in this too, and we don't expect you to get over it overnight, or alone."
"Maybe, but I'm not letting a bad night hold me back, no matter how bad it was." He gestured to the other rooms. "I talked to Yukari and Fuuka. If you're okay with it, they want to talk to you as part of getting everything back into gear. Girl time, or something. I didn't ask."
She mulled the idea over. "That makes sense, if it's not too much trouble for them."
"Yukari said it isn't."
Mitsuru thought some more, trying to weigh the time she'd spend with the girls against the many things that required her attention. She wouldn't brush them off, but there were–
She turned a little, and felt something brush her cheek that stopped all her thoughts cold. It wasn't quite a kiss – it only met the corner of her mouth – but for Mitsuru, it turned her face aflame. She turned and touched her cheek, eyes wide. "M-Minato-kun, what was...?"
He scratched the back of his head, blushing. "Sorry, I missed. You looked really cute, and I thought..."
"You were... um..."
"Yeah. Bad timing, I know, but..."
She rubbed her thumbs together again, cleared her throat as she looked at the wall. "I... was more surprised than angry. It's not that I... I mean, we're seeing each other..."
He was interrupted by the door opening. "Sorry," Takeba told them, "we were just wondering– Uh, is everything okay? You're both pretty red."
"We're fine," Minato told them, clearing his throat. "I'm trusting you to look after her."
Takeba rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, we will. She's in good hands. Promise."
He turned to leave, then stopped, looking back in puzzlement. Mitsuru could understand why: her hand had reached out and grabbed the cuff of his jacket. She wanted to let it go, but wanted not to even more. The girls covered their mouths and turned, their laughter mercifully quiet, and Mitsuru went redder than her hair. "Um..."
He smiled and took her hand in his, seeming to understand. His touch calmed her, and he looked even more handsome just then. "It'll be fine," he assured her. "I'll be back in a while."
She nodded and let him go, albeit reluctantly, and deflated when he left the room.
"He was all worried about you," Takeba told her as she and Yamagishi closed the door, "talked about how he wanted to make sure you were going to be okay. Now I'm not sure you need our help."
"That's not true," Mitsuru assured her. "And I'm sorry if we made a spectacle of ourselves."
Takeba dismissed the concerns. "It's fine. If it's what you need, then go ahead. And you're not half as bad as some people at school."
Mitsuru didn't know how to take the praise. She knew the sort of students Takeba was referring to, and never thought she'd ever be seriously compared to them. "I... appreciate it." She expected the girls to take their usual seats in her parlour. They did, but sat closer to her and looked serious. "What is it?"
"We're both sorry," Yamagishi told her.
Mitsuru blinked. "Sorry? For what?"
"After what happened on Tartarus with Minato-kun, with your dad and Ikutsuki and even with that Shadow before, we all kinda broke apart. It was too much, even for us, you know? But we shouldn't have let you and Minato-kun take it on your own. You two were handling the worst of it and we didn't do anything."
"Our state of mind isn't your responsibility, and I'm not sure you could have done much to help us."
"We can't do much to you help you right now, either," Takeba pointed out, "but at least we're trying. The point is, I know what losing a dad feels like. You love yours like I love mine, and when mine died I ran away and tried to do everything by myself. It's not something other people understand, but I do. I don't want you to suffer through it like I did, because I'm pretty sure I did it all wrong."
Mitsuru paused as Takeba's words and sentiments sank in. A stray thought came to mind, drawing a rueful smile to her lips. "Losing loved ones. That's a morbid thing to be my senpai for."
Takeba laughed. "Yeah. Pretty screwed up, isn't it? But I want to make sure you don't do what I did. You don't need to go through that, and I don't think Minato-kun could handle it if you tried."
Mitsuru shivered. If the depths her mind had sunk to had been the worst of it, then she had no desire to subject herself to it again. She needed to be around the others, even if just to feel normal. That said, she wasn't used to spreading her problems around. "I don't want to impose," she said automatically.
"Then don't think of it like that," Yamagishi recommended. "You're not putting a burden on us; we're here to help when you need it. Actually, I've been thinking about this where Minato-kun is involved."
"In what way?"
"He uses different Personas, each from a different Arcana. Some of those Arcana are ours, right? Some aren't, but I wonder if he's making those connections with people, even if they aren't fighting the Shadows like we are. He's gotten a lot stronger since I came here, and now I wonder if he's gotten as far as he has because he's getting that support from other people."
"That would make sense," Takeba commented. "He made friends at school faster than I expected. Some of our classmates hate his guts, but that doesn't buck the trend. When he was at his worst, it just took Akihiko-senpai kicking his door down and picking a fight with him to make things better, right?"
"You feel like I should follow his example?" Mitsuru asked.
Yamagishi shrugged. "I think we all do. Boys do things differently from us, but I know I've gotten better with Lucia after meeting friends at school and helping everyone here. Junpei-kun's gotten stronger with his friends, Ken-kun's probably the same, and so on."
Mitsuru thought about it, and again a wry twist came to mind. "That sounds like contracting our sanity out to other people."
"That's one way to put it."
"I take your point. I won't do this alone anymore. I don't know how far that will go, but I'll try to let other people help me."
"I'll help however I can," Yamagishi promised.
Takeba turned sly. "Just because we can't help you with business stuff and running the Kirijo Group doesn't mean we can't help in other ways. More specifically, with Minato-kun."
Mitsuru fidgeted. "Um... how would you help with that?"
"Well, we didn't get to see all of it, but we got the gist of what was going on when we came in. Was that your first kiss?"
Mitsuru turned red again.
"It was sweet. You need more of that. And if we're going back to school, there's the trip to Kyoto to look forward to." Takeba's eyes lit up as she leaned in like a conspirator to a crime. "There are all kinds of ways to make the most of a school trip. Nice hotel, teachers to look after everything, places to be alone together. Are you interested?"
Mitsuru couldn't help leaning forward to hear the suggestions, and within minutes she wasn't sure if she was an accomplice or a victim of the plans being offered. Either way, it was such a novel feeling, so outside of her comfort zone, that she didn't have time for anything else. When she realized that, she smiled.
She had some amazing friends.
"He's come a long way," Minato noted to Akihiko-senpai as they watched Ken train with Koromaru in the dorm's back yard.
"Pretty solid," Senpai agreed. "He had a lot of help at the Kirijo compound."
Minato winced. He'd missed seeing that. Written support was one thing – Ken had even thanked him for it earlier – but then he'd got caught up in his own problems. He'd help Ken where he could now; his teammates were a priority. "What do you think?"
"Hard to say. His head's in the right place, but manifesting a Persona's not easy. Best I can say is that he's not where he was when Shinji died."
"It's probably something he has to do himself, but is there anything we can do to help?"
"Keep pushing him. I'm not sure if exercise and training like this helps in the long run, but anything's better than letting someone stew in their own misery."
"Yeah, I know. Thanks for the kick, by the way."
Akihiko-senpai looked over, eyes both expectant and hard. "How's she doing?"
"Better. I'm not a mind-reader but it looks like she's back in the present for now. Fuuka and Yukari are talking to her."
"That's a good choice. Seems like Takeba's gotten over whatever she had against the Kirijo Group; she'll help keep Mitsuru centred."
Minato nodded. "We're going back to school soon."
"You sure? She's got a lot going on still, with the Group and the funeral and everything."
"So do I. We talked about it and it's important to get back to the familiar stuff. It might make things harder, but staying here's just asking for trouble. For both of us. Besides, I'd never live it down if I started failing classes."
Senpai looked at him for a moment, then nodded. "Seems like you've figured that out. Glad to hear it. Just remember: if Mitsuru ever falls like that again, I'll kick your ass."
"If she or I get that bad, you have my permission to do it."
Senpai walked to Ken to offer some advice. Minato listened and added a few points of his own. It wasn't often that they could talk shop about the procedure of summoning a Persona – no one here needed to, either you could do it or you couldn't – but it was a good feeling, like he'd fit right back into his place in the group. Resident anomaly that he might be, he was glad for the comfort of getting into the swing of things again. It was where he belonged, and he could see Ken pushing himself to get to the same place.
Two hours later, when Ken and Akihiko-senpai elected to go for a hard run, Minato went back inside to check on Mitsuru. Fuuka and Yukari were having lunch in the kitchen, and encouraged him to go see her with barely-hidden smiles and laughter. "Am I walking into something?" he asked. Having lived around girls for this long, he knew better than to ignore the warning signs.
"You'll see." Yukari almost sang the words and ended on a chuckle. "It's nothing too bad. Go talk to her."
"Right. Well, in case 'nothing too bad' is more serious than you think, it's been wonderful knowing you both." They laughed and waved him off. He went up the stairs to his room to look at his poor door, reminded to ask when he could expect a new one, and Mitsuru was standing nearby, apparently waiting for him.
"I saw you working with Amada," she said in greeting. Her hands were threaded together, thumbs rubbing against each other again. How cute, but what was she nervous about? "How is he?"
"Better. I'm not sure how close he is to getting a Persona, but we've never seen a case like his in the first place. Akihiko-senpai is working with him."
"He's in good hands." There was an awkward pause. "Um, I wanted to address something with you. It came up in discussion with Yamagishi and Takeba."
That explained the smiles downstairs. "Sure. What is it?"
She blushed and looked to the side. "It's... unorthodox. Unique, actually, so I'm not sure how to ask."
"Take your time."
She did, and her nerves seemed to settle enough that she could keep talking. "I slept well last night," she began, not meeting his eyes. "Since Father... actually, since Shinjiro died I've been having nightmares, when I could sleep at all. That was... what you saw was the worst it's ever been."
Minato nodded, not knowing what he could say.
"There's still a lot I have to work through, both with myself and the Kirijo Group. It's not like those problems have gone away, but I was able to sleep last night. I..." She glanced up at him, blushing. "I think it's because you were with me. Next to me, that is."
Minato cleared his throat. "Oh."
"Yes. I realize that you sleeping with– that is, you helping me last night is a consequence of Akihiko breaking your door down, but I wonder if we could negotiate a... furtherance of this."
"You're suggesting that I sleep in your room, so you can rest properly."
"That's correct. In my bed, with me."
He scratched his neck as he thought it through. It was a rational suggestion, and there was a definite advantage to her getting the best rest she could. But the implications, and how it came from nowhere... "I'm not against it, but that could put us in some compromising situations. Or be potentially counterproductive. You might kick me in your sleep or I could roll on top of you or something."
"That's not a problem. I'm a stationary sleeper, and from what I've observed so are you. I appreciate that there would be associations made if we are sharing a bed, but the others will understand, and you're not the sort to tell anyone who would take the situation out of context."
"Of course."
She cleared her throat and fidgeted more. "And, we are a couple. Sharing space and... intimacy are part of the arrangement, correct?"
Minato bit down a chuckle at how she danced around the subject. It was refreshing, suddenly, that his biggest current problem was something as normal as discussing sleeping arrangements with his girlfriend. He might have tripped on this before – or not, it was hard to really recognize who he'd been prior to "waking up" – but not now; after fighting with Thanatos and facing Caesar, this was positively bearable. "Let's give it a try," he suggested. "Your theory's solid. We'll adjust once we have some data to work with, if any adjustment is necessary."
Her eyes narrowed even as her lips turned up. "You're making light of me."
"Not at all. You worked through the problem and came up with a course of action. It's a good idea."
They went to her room to decide what would need to go where. It was a first for both of them, but their tastes meshed so well already that only some discussion was needed. It was hardly where Minato imagined he'd be when he woke up this morning, but it was crazy enough, and domestic enough, to occupy his attention. By the end of the day his dresser was set up in a corner of her room, a folding divider set up nearby for his privacy and for hers. Akihiko-senpai gave them arch looks when they recruited him to help move the dresser – Mitsuru said it was his way of paying back kicking Minato's door down in the first place – and he was chuckling by the time he was done.
"Do you have something you want to say?" she asked the boxer before he left.
"Nothing at all. I hope this works out for you, gets you the data you need and everything."
They hadn't told him about Mitsuru's reasoning, yet he was dead on anyway. She began to pout, and Akihiko-senpai left before she could protest.
That night was an experience all itself. Minato thought he'd need time to adjust to a different room and bed, to the situation as a whole. He didn't, because his attention was consumed by keeping to his side of the bed. The lack of experience he and Mitsuru shared made it impossible to set up ground rules or specifics; after all, the only data they had to draw on involved the couch in the other room, and neither wanted to sleep on it again. Mitsuru came from her dressing area in a floor-length nightgown and, and she had his undivided attention until she had the blankets up to her neck. Her modesty was never in question, but the way the fabric outlined her body like her usual clothes never did, as well as being surrounded by the scent and feel of her, was a lot to take in.
Yes, on his side was close enough, just not too close to the edge.
She was having none of it. She slid over and took his hand, then pulled him over so she could rest on his chest. "Direct contact is necessary for the best results," she told him, already sounding drowsy. He instinctively turned to accommodate her, his nose in her hair again and his arms around her. It always surprised him how soft and slight she was; under the armour and the sharp mind, behind the authority of her position and her battle experience and her Persona, she was still a girl just a year older than he was.
Another facet of this girl who meant so much to him. It was amazing how many layers she had, but before he could say as much, he was already sleeping dreamlessly.
The next morning was a repeat of the first, albeit with fewer sore muscles and stiff joints. He woke up first this time, and used the time before she woke up to stroke her hair. He'd admired it before, from its colour to its texture, and even in a school that was built on a foundation of weird stuff, she stood out just by being herself. His girl really was one of a kind.
"I'd say the experiment was a success," he noted with a growing smile when she woke up looking refreshed.
"We'll need more data to be sure, but I agree, it's been a success so far." She cuddled into his side more, and he wanted to brush her hair back and kiss her, even moved so he could, eyes locked and everything, when her alarm clock went off and jolted them both.
Minato groaned while Mitsuru laughed. "We'll have to get up if we're going to be at school on time," she observed, her tone lilting with mirth. Minato grumbled to himself but got out of bed.
When they were preparing for school, Mitsuru insisted on seeing him in his uniform, straightening his jacket and adjusting his tie just so. Her attention to detail was surprisingly domestic, and he bit his tongue from saying so – she looked like she was having fun doing something this normal. When they left the dorm, he offered her his hand. Without hesitation, she took it and walked in step with him. Junpei and Akihiko-senpai chuckled and Yukari rolled her eyes, giving the couple their space with knowing smiles.
"I'll see you later," he told her when they approached the school. "Maybe we can have lunch together?"
"Takeba asked if I'd join her, actually. Yamagishi too. I can reschedule with them, though."
"No, it's fine. They're good friends, and you shouldn't blow them off for me."
"They would understand."
"Probably, but I don't want to monopolize you. You should spend time with your friends when you can." He'd given their relationship a lot of thought while she'd been sleeping on him. He'd seen guys at school get possessive over their girls once the relationship thing was settled on. He wouldn't be like that. He loved the girl who fenced and gave speeches, who sang at karaoke and rode her motorcycle to get away from it all. The last thing he wanted was to stifle her. "I'll get plenty of time with you later. I can wait until after school. By the way, Fuuka and Yukari would probably be okay with you calling them by their names."
Mitsuru nodded, looking puzzled and probably trying to actually say their names without the honorifics or customary politeness. Minato hid a smile. She'd come a long way, but sometimes she went right back to the beginning. He'd have to tell her how cute she was when she did that.
They let go of each other as they came to the school gates. Minato's eyes narrowed. The air about the place had changed in his absence. The entire city was feeling tense and on edge, but it was worse here, as though the death of Kirijo-san, or maybe Thanatos awakening here, had left an indelible mark. From what he'd learned from Ken and Koromaru's trip to the shrine, the increasing number of Lost were probably a contributing factor to that as well. Rather than it just being a few people the Kirijo Group could shuffle away into a hospital until they recovered, the Lost were growing by leaps and bounds. They weren't just vagrants on the streets anymore, but brothers and sisters, parents and relatives and classmates, and the lack of answers about a cause was wearing on everyone. The usual banter and chatter by the shoe lockers was muted, and even the insults from Minato's fan club was half hearted at best.
Something had to be done. Good thing Akihiko-senpai had acted when he had; Minato didn't want to think of how bad things could get if he was still hiding in his room. He had to be ready for the Shadows and whatever came at them next. Or better, if they could go on the offensive and find a way to help without waiting until the next full moon, it would be worth the effort.
"You weren't here to see it," Yukari mentioned as they walked to homeroom, "but there's a new guy here. A transfer student. He's pretty insufferable."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. He flirts with anyone wearing a skirt, acts like he's–"
"Sakura-chan!" an unfamiliar student called from near their classroom. "That's a beautiful ribbon you're wearing today!"
"Speak of the devil," Yukari muttered. "You'll see for yourself."
"Um," a girl replied, "it's the same one as Friday."
"It's just as beautiful today as it was on Friday!"
Minato rubbed the back of his neck. He'd never given much thought to the subject before, but being around guys flirting awkwardly and striking out was kind of uncomfortable. "Is he serious?"
"That's not too bad; he's usually way worse."
"Is he always this loud?"
"Yep."
"And he's in our class?"
"Yep."
Minato sighed. "Well, let's get it over with." He turned the corner, nodding to the few students who greeted him and ignoring the ones who sneered at him. Even under these circumstances, with this environment, it was good to get back to normal.
"Hi Yukari-chan!" the new student called, walking over to them. "It's great to see you again. How was your weekend? Have you seen the new release at Screen Shot? It's gotten rave reviews so far. You look amazing in that sweater, have I mentioned that?"
Yukari's expression twisted. "Ew," she muttered.
"Oh, who's your friend?"
Minato cleared his throat and turned to greet the newcomer, about to bow–
Then their eyes met, and his hands immediately clenched into fists. The guy was handsome, almost feminine with his hair and skin, and his face was open and friendly, a ready grin on his face. He was classily dressed, that kind of clean-messy that guys thought girls liked, and his scarf looked fashionable and expensive.
The guy's eyes pissed Minato off, bright and chipper like it was sunlight coming through the hole in the back of his head. His stance was pretentious, his hair was ridiculous, his clothes and uniform, even that beauty spot by his left eye put Minato's teeth against each other. He knew instantly, without a word exchanged yet, that they weren't going to get along.
But appearances were important, and he wouldn't start his return to school on a bad note. Even if it was an effort to seem friendly – and he was sure he failed – he unclenched his fists so his nails weren't digging into his palm and straightened his back. He'd halfway fallen back into a defensive stance, and that burned him even more; he wouldn't back down to a stranger.
"Hi there," the newcomer greeted, coming over and bowing politely, though with too much enthusiasm for a proper first meeting. "I'm Ryoji Mochizuki. I don't think we've met yet. You're with Yukari-chan, does that mean you two are going out?"
Now that the voice was this close, it was worse on the ear than grinding glass. "I'm Arisato Minato," he choked out. "And no. We're just friends."
"Nice to meet you, Minato-kun."
Minato's hands clenched again. Straight to being familiar. It was an accomplishment on Mochizuki's part that just saying Minato's name made him want to immediately change it to something foreign that no one could pronounce. "Likewise."
"I've heard a lot about you. Seems like everyone here has a story about you."
"Is that so."
"Some of them are probably exaggerations, but it's great to finally meet you. I feel like I've known you forever."
"You have me at a disadvantage then – this is the first time I've ever heard of you."
"Yeah, that's understandable. I just transferred here while my parents are overseas."
"That'll happen."
"Hey, Yukari," one of the girls murmured nearby. "Isn't it weird? Make a few changes and they'd look the same. Build, face, even their eyes."
Yukari glanced over, then took a second, longer look. Minato flinched under her gaze; any similarity to Mochizuki had to be a fluke, and even the suggestion put a bad taste in his mouth.
"We're nothing alike," he muttered.
"Hm, maybe we are," Mochizuki replied at the same time.
"Wow," the girl noted. "Their timing's dead on. Do you think if we changed Arisato's hair he'd look–"
The bell rang and everyone went to their seats. Minato moved quickly, eager to put Mochizuki to his back. The less time he spent around the guy the better.
"Oh, our seats are close," Mochizuki noted, taking the seat one behind and one to the side. "That's a nice coincidence. I hope you'll help me catch up with how you guys do things here; I haven't been here very long, and I hear the exams are hard."
What rotten luck. Minato unclenched his hands again and tried to get into the mindset for school again. He'd dealt with idiot students before, he'd fought Shadows that tried to screw with his head, he could handle this.
"Hey Minato-kun," Mochizuki said before homeroom started, "I was wondering–"
"No," Minato replied. "Class is about to start."
"I'm still pretty new here, could you show me around?"
"I don't know any cool places. Ask someone else."
"Oooh, you're cold. Like a senpai, or a strict big brother. Hey, could I call you Onii-chan?"
Minato had to grab his desk to keep from throwing it. He hadn't been this angry in months, and that a newcomer got to him so easily made it much worse. "My family's dead, Mochizuki," he grated out, glaring over his shoulder. "I don't need a brother."
Mochizuki settled back in his seat, looking strangely contemplative. "I'd heard about that. About your family. I'm sorry."
The tone of the apology felt off, mixing sentiment with that bubbly voice to somehow sound sincere. It made the blood boil. Minato tried to get his head back on track, but the whole time having Mochizuki behind him was like a knife along the spine. He pushed through it. He'd be meeting Akihiko-senpai for lunch and Mitsuru after school. They would be talking about how best to help Ken, and that took priority. Whatever happened at school, SEES still had a job to do. Problems and small changes weren't worth the attention.
That became his mantra for the rest of the day.
Akihiko-senpai's training was on the same level as Abe-san's. Ken felt bruised and sore each day, but the attention he was getting left him exhilarated. Each day was an improvement in ways he hadn't gotten at the Kirijo compound, and he knew that being back at the dorm played a big part in that.
But training in a yard wouldn't address the real problem, Akihiko-senpai had said. He'd looked at Ken's progress and concluded what Abe-san had said and what Ken already knew: without Ken coming to terms with himself, he wouldn't get any closer to manifesting a Persona.
Ken took the news well. He knew that was the lynchpin for him, and he wasn't going to fold just because the way forward was promising to be hard. He had lots of reasons to keep going. Hearing about Akihiko-senpai's fight with Thanatos, facing the monster and manifesting Caesar, had been incredible. Ken could imagine every moment of it, every blow, and he'd asked to hear it retold over and over. Akihiko-senpai was probably sick of talking about it, but the tale made Ken want to rejoin the group more. Seeing that Arisato-senpai and Mitsuru-san were getting better, that they were happy together, made the dorm feel light and fun to be in again. With the team coming together, getting stronger after such a hard time, Ken had to do his best to catch up.
While the others were at school and around town, Ken grabbed his keys and took Koro out for a walk, making his way to the shrine. Parishioners milled around the grounds, the same tension in the air as before. Koro looked up at him, apparently wondering if Ken would need him. Ken gestured to the people and the white dog darted among the people like he had before, working to raise their spirits. It took longer this time, but the effect was the same as before, and Ken marveled at his friend's ability to naturally know what these people needed.
If only it had been so easy for him. Ken caught himself and smiled ruefully. No, Koro had been with him through the worst with Dad, with him when he cried at Mom's grave, and had brought him here. Koro had been working on him the same as he had everyone else.
Ken nodded. It was time to see if he could live up to those expectations. He waited until there was no one at the base of the sacred tree, then knelt in front of it. Not a typical Japanese bow with an offering, but kneeling like he'd done at church with Mom and Dad. He pulled something out of his pocket, something Abe-san had given him when he'd left the Kirijo compound, something he'd avoided for months because it had been soaked in blood that night: Mom's crucifix.
He wrapped the thin chain through his fingers and let the crucifix rest between his hands, closed his eyes and prayed. He hadn't talked to God since that night – who could have after seeing that? – and now he was even less sure where God fit in a world of Shadows and Personas. When he tried to pray, all sorts of things distracted him. First his leg cramped up from how he was kneeling, so he had to get up and walk it off. Then a car blasted its horn as it roared by. Then the breeze tickled his nose and he had to scratch it, and some nearby girls were giggling at him.
He blushed. He wasn't getting anywhere. He considered getting up and coming back later, but he remembered how dedicated Mom would be with people, how she'd wait for them and still be glad when they showed up, even late. He settled back down and focused, pushed the distractions out of his mind, settled his breathing, and prayed quietly as his mind drifted. After a while, he didn't feel the stone under his knees or the wind on his face. The noise faded away and all he felt was the crucifix in his hands.
In that stillness, he drifted. He tried to stir that tremor he'd felt last time, tried to coax out that same reaction, but got nowhere. When he prodded the feeling too much, it dug at his insides like he was prodding the Nemesis-shaped hole in his soul, and flashes of Mom's death raced across his vision.
He stopped pushing and thought it through. When had he first felt Nemesis? When he'd realized the police weren't going to do anything about Mom's death, when he had nightmares of Castor and knew for certain the horseman was real. Nemesis was a creature of vengeance, so of course it would feed on his negativity toward Shinjiro-senpai. When Shinjiro-senpai died, that vengeance turned inward and Ken lost the ability to manifest a Persona, and he didn't want to remember the mess he'd been back then.
Visiting Dad hadn't helped. Going to Mom's grave hadn't helped either. It felt like the more he tried to focus on those events, on his past life, the more it made him bleed. When had he felt the ripples on his soul? He knew it was a Persona, or something like it, and it was something totally different from Nemesis, but it was so different that he couldn't draw it out. He'd been watching Koro play with people, observing how the dog helped people at their worst, how he'd been–
Ken stopped on that thought. Koro had been giving people hope. He'd encouraged them to keep going just a little longer in the hopes that tomorrow would be better, like Abe-san and Maeda-san said. The will to fight in the face of overwhelming adversity, even when the situation felt like it couldn't get any worse, was what pushed SEES and the Kirijo Group. The instant Ken thought of that, he knew he'd excluded someone from his list: Shinjiro-senpai and his single-minded drive to fight Sakaki to the end.
"Stay alive, kid. Get the hell out of here."
The man who'd borne so much pain, who had stopped living the night Mom died out of self-imposed penance, who had shot down Ken's every angry word and refused to budge on his own morals. He'd challenged Ken's hatred, he'd stood resolute in the face of his own past, and he'd given his life when he knew he wouldn't win. It hadn't been a last act of atonement, but had been the sort of thing he'd do no matter who it was.
The value Shinjiro-senpai had found in the life of someone who loathed him, the desires Abe-san and Maeda-san had for a better tomorrow even as they'd already come so far. And Koro helping the people of the shrine even though SEES didn't know how they could fix things yet. The surface of his soul rippled, and Ken didn't try to grab at it. He focused on what lie at the intersection of those concepts and knew he had his answer.
The follow-up to that point, what he'd have to do with that information and how far he would have to go, scared him to the core. But finally, after so long, maybe for the first time ever, he had his answer, and he wouldn't let fear stop him from taking it. He opened his eyes, blinking against the sunlight. He looked next to him and saw Koro sitting there, head bowed like he was also deep in prayer. Then the dog looked at him, comprehension clear in his eyes. Solemn and understanding. Ken knew he had an ally here, and maybe Koro had always known the answer Ken was looking for and it was just a game of patience until the boy figured it out. Ken smiled and ruffled the dog's ears. "C'mon, let's go home. There's someone I have to talk to."
Abe-san had taken Ken's call right away, confirming the few details Ken asked about and warning him about that course of inquiry. His mood improved when Ken followed that up with a request: "Ikutsuki's not here, but everyone's Evokers have an inscription on them. Mine doesn't. Can you find someone who can do it?"
"What do you have in mind?"
Ken told him, going over the description a few times to make sure he was clear. He wanted to get this right.
"I'll do it myself; it would be an honour." The man paused. "I guess that means you're going back into the fight."
"I'm going to try."
"This is what you want?"
"Yes. It's not just about fighting Shadows. There's so much pain and suffering right now, and if I can help, then I will."
"Remember what Maeda said: Just because you can help doesn't mean it will turn out for you, or that your help will make things better."
"Right, but if my help is what's needed, then I want to be there to give it. If my opportunity comes and I can't do anything because I missed the boat way earlier, that's just as bad, isn't it?"
A dry chuckle sounded on the line. "Fair enough. If this is what you want, I'll send someone to get your Evoker and I'll get it back to you as soon as I can."
Someone had come by half an hour later to retrieve Ken's Evoker, and two days later it was returned, the work complete.
That part was done. The next part, convincing the others to let him go through with his plan, wouldn't be as easy, especially given what he was going to ask them.
"You can't be serious," Yukari-san objected when everyone had gathered for the meeting. "You want to go into the Dark Hour and fight Shadows, on your own, when you don't have a Persona?"
"I'll take Koro with me." It had never occurred to Ken to not take his companion and friend with him, even at this point. Especially at this point.
"But you don't want us to help you."
"That's right. If I'm in a situation where I can't run, where I have to fight, then I'll have to manifest a Persona."
"These are still Shadows we're talking about. They'll kill you if you don't pull it off. They might even if you do."
"There's some merit to the idea," Mitsuru-senpai noted. "Personas are born out of a stress response and strong will. There has been success in deliberately staging a situation where someone is forced to manifest one, but the results after are inconsistent."
"Doesn't that mean we should find a better way?"
"None of those experiments were conducted on someone who'd lost a Persona to begin with," Mitsuru-senpai added. "Amada already had the strength to bring one out, so his situation's unique. That might work against him or in his favour."
"This is skirting around the real issue at hand," Minato-senpai noted, watching Ken closely. "There are other avenues available to you, but this is the one you've decided on, isn't it?"
Ken wanted to dodge the question, not comfortable addressing it directly. But those blue eyes cut away his excuses and bolstered his resolve. "It is," Ken told them, straightening. "After... with everything that's happened, I don't think I'd want to take an easier route even if there was one. It'd feel like cheating, I guess, and it's not like things are easy for all of you right now. If I didn't push myself now, I might not when it really matters."
"A man's gotta make his choices and stick by them," Junpei-san chuckled. "He knows what he's doing. He's got my vote."
"Mine too," Minato-senpai threw in. "We'll be nearby to help if things go completely wrong, but if this is what you want then we'll do it."
Yukari-san shook her head and sighed. "Boys." She looked at Ken. "You really want to do this?"
"Yes."
"It's dangerous, but all right. I'll be there to help you if you need it."
Mitsuru-senpai nodded in support, and Koro barked and circled. Ken felt a weight lift off his shoulders, but then a new one replaced it: they would be watching him, so he couldn't screw this up. "When should we do it?"
Minato-senpai checked his watch. "I don't have anything scheduled for tonight."
Ken startled. "Tonight?"
Minato-senpai smiled, half teeth. "Why not? You got your Evoker back, and this is your idea. It wouldn't be a stressful time if you planned everything and took it easy, right?"
Ken hadn't expected that. His heart tripped on itself, his doubts whispered, and this all suddenly seemed like a bad idea. It was too soon, too hard, too–
He stopped himself. This negativity was familiar, persistent, and he was sick of it. For a single flaming-hot instant he hated that side of himself. He'd come this far, had so many people invested him after all this time, that he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he quit now just because it was going to be hard.
He straightened and met their leader's eyes firmly. There was a proud challenge in them. "Okay," Ken said. "Let's do it tonight."
It wasn't hard to stay up to face the Dark Hour, but as the time approached, Ken was on pins and needles, nerves prickling along his skin and distracting him. He waited in the foyer of the dorm, his spear next to him, armour in place, and Evoker resting in his hands. He pulled the letter from his pocket, the letter Abe-san had sent over when the Evoker had been delivered to the dorm, and read it again:
You made a good choice with the inscription. It sounds like you're serious, so give it everything you can. It's been a pleasure, and when you pull it off, come see me – you're always welcome.
P.S. Maeda gives his regards. He's pulling for you too.
Abe Saburo
Ken read the words over and over until his nerves settled. He remembered his conversation with Abe-san and Maeda-san, how much they had gone through and how they still worked hard with everything going so badly, how even normal people could suffer and pull themselves together. It might sound strange that the strength of normal people could mean so much to him when he was regularly around people who wielded Personas and fought Shadows, but that conversation was one he'd remember for a long time to come. "I can't let them get ahead of me," he told himself.
The others came down the stairs, geared for battle, and the Dark Hour hit.
Ken's nerves erupted again, fourfold. The gloom was heavy, deepest in the corners like there were things waiting to jump at him. The air turned heavy with the smell of rot, clogging the back of his throat and making him gag, and his skin felt grimy like he'd been splashed with used grease. The worst part of it all was the pervasive fear, like just being in this place made his body want to run for shelter and never come out. The others seemed unfazed, looking at him expectantly, and he knew what he was feeling: this was what normal people went through when they woke up in the Dark Hour, the fear and negativity that a Persona warded off. Ken never realized how effective that was, but now, without it, he could relate to the poor souls who became the Lost. What had they gone through before the Shadows got to them?
"Ready?" Minato-senpai asked as they headed out.
Ken nodded. His knees trembled but he took the steps alongside them. Koro was next to him, Evoker-collar firmly in place. By agreement from the others, Koro would be Ken's only support. That probably meant Fuuka-san would keep close tabs on them anyway, but Minato-senpai and Mitsuru-senpai were respecting his wishes and firm on making this a challenge for him.
They walked a block from the dorm to the alleys where the gloom was so heavy they almost couldn't see. "They're coming," Fuuka-san reported. "Nothing bigger than usual, but they're aggressive. They've been like this since we fought the last one."
"Probably some connection to that Shadow and Thanatos," Minato-senpai noted. "And whatever else that Shadow talked about."
"I can feel it," Fuuka-san replied, looking pale. "It's closer than before, but still so far off. Do you think the Shadows will get worse? What will they be like in a week? In three weeks?"
Akihiko-senpai cracked his neck. "Probably even worse. Stronger, more aggressive, maybe more predatory. If so, we'll just have to be stronger than they are. There's too much riding on us to tap out now."
"Damn right," Junpei-san put in, looking over with a grin. "Well? Are you ready?"
Ken's feet stuck to the ground. His palms were sweaty under his gloves. His heart was tripping a marathon against his ribs and it was all he could do to not run back to the dorm. Had the Dark Hour always been this bad? Or was it worse now and he'd picked the worst possible time to show off? He'd be fighting Shadows in this state, when Fuuka-san said they were even worse than usual, and Ken didn't have a Persona to call on. What on earth was he doing?
He clenched his hand on his Evoker and shut out the doubts. Yes, he'd have to fight. Yes, it would be dangerous. That was the point. This was his choice and he wasn't going to change it just because it was harder than he expected. This was the Dark Hour he'd have to fight in once he got his Persona back. Those were the Shadows that would come after him if he wanted to stay with SEES. This was his decision and he was going to see it through, no matter what. "I'm ready," he told them, and saying it helped make it so.
"Then good luck," Akihiko-senpai commented.
Koro barked, seemingly unaffected by their surroundings. Ken moved forward, one shaky step at a time. Focusing on Koro's fur helped – even the Dark Hour couldn't dim its brightness. The first step had been the hardest, and by the time he reached the alleys he wasn't feeling any more terrified than before. No less, but no more.
He knew the others were watching him, and he didn't dare look back; he'd probably break if he did.
Familiar growls and shrieks echoed in the alleys. Scraping claws on the walls and ground, the haunting glow of coffins around him lighting up patches of rot, pools of stagnant water and dried blood and a cold wind that sounded like despair. This really was the worst place in the world.
Koro growled and glowed, and Ken readied his spear. Here they were. A jagged smile crossed his lips – he couldn't run away now.
The Shadows turned the corner in a flash, screeching as they rushed the pair. The phantom howl reverberated around them, and bright flames burned them to clean ash. Ken turned and stabbed at two more who tried to get the drop on him, his body falling into the familiar stances, bracing for impacts and keeping balance. But his strikes were off, trailing behind the Shadows. Ken couldn't follow them as easily, couldn't predict their moves and get ahead of them. His reactions were slow – normal – and he knew it was the difference a Persona made.
A larger Shadow tumbled around the rest of the horde and swung at him, kept him on his heels and pushed him back without effort. He grit his teeth and gave ground nimbly, whistled to Koro and ran, hoping he wasn't heading straight into an ambush. Without Fuuka-san to guide him, he really was fighting blind now.
Doubts joined his fear and grabbed at him, but he angrily shoved them down.
The large Shadow came at them from behind a garbage dumpster. Two more attacked Koro, keeping the dog dodging and busy even as the alleys echoed with his furious growls. Ken tried to hold one at a distance, but he couldn't move fast enough to dodge a strike and the spear was torn from his hands, sent spinning out of reach. He had to leap around another alley corner to stay out of reach, but the big one closed in on him.
He turned, looked up and took it all in. The Shadow's malevolent stare. Koro fighting around the corner, the sounds far away. Too far to help. The coffins around him, and the storefronts that reminded him of that night.
He was on his own.
The Shadow tensed above him, ready to finish him off. This was it. His bravado broke as he saw the blow coming. Fear rushed through him unrestrained. His mind screamed at him that this was all a mistake, that he was about to die in vain. That he'd fail again. His body froze up–
–until his fingers closed on his Evoker. Until he knelt like he had at the shrine. Until he focused inward and threw everything he had, everything he wanted and everything he would ever be at the place where Nemesis used to rest.
Time crystallized in that frozen moment between life and death. The emptiness he'd been fighting against, his life to that point, it all narrowed to this half-second. This choice was his, had always been his, and there was no time left to run away.
That was fine. He wasn't running this time. He would follow Arisato-senpai and Akihiko-senpai to the end, and he'd live up to Shinjiro-senpai's example. He'd protect Abe-san and Maeda-san so they could have normal lives with their families. He'd fight so other people didn't have to go through what Mitsuru-senpai had gone through, what he'd gone through, and he'd help those people at the shrine, no matter what it took; he'd keep going until he hit the finish line.
Life was a game where you played for keeps, and Amada Ken was going all in.
He pointed the Evoker back at his temple, his eyes caught the newly scribed words on the slide:
Sanada Akihiko. Aragaki Shinjiro. SEES.
Abe Saburo. Maeda Eiji.
Amada Emiko.
My hope for the future.
The hammer fell.
Something answered his call.
His body blew apart at the seams. His weight vanished as the world turned white, something inside him rushing up faster than sound. He floated on currents of energy that turned around him like a whirlpool, gentle pressure expanding out from inside him. It wasn't fierce and angry this time. It didn't rail against his control and grind his insides. It pushed outward like a breath, breaking the Shadow apart and scouring the filth of the Dark Hour. It was a bright, gentle light that enveloped the nearby coffins and illuminated the alleys. Gears whirred behind him with laughter's gentle cadence, the presence comforting, protective, embracing him.
It felt like Mom.
He turned and looked up, tears on his cheeks. There it was, like it had been patiently waiting for him to bring it out: Kala-Nemi. His Persona.
He shook his head, smiling under its light. His doubts were silent, his fears barely a whisper. He touched Mom's crucifix through his armour, where it had been since the shrine and where it would stay. "I miss you, and I love you," he whispered. The Persona brightened for a moment, its gears turning in such a way that he could hear her voice again, before it disappeared. It wasn't gone, though. It rested inside him, next to his heart, and would be waiting for him to call on it again.
He'd done it. He had a Persona again. Exultation rushed through him, but that was a distant second to the memories that played before his eyes. He thought of Mom and this time he wasn't stuck in the house, seeing her torn remains on the floor. He remembered her gentle reprimands to not eat sweets before dinner, even as she snuck him one anyway with a mischievous smile. He remembered her singing voice in church, the touch of her hands when they walked home from the store. He remembered her pride when he did well at school and her talking to the other mothers on the block about how she hoped he'd meet a nice girl someday, how he'd blush and she'd laugh that laugh that no one else had.
He touched the crucifix once more and smiled, really smiled, for the first time in months.
Barks approached, nails scrabbling on the ground. Ken turned in time to catch Koromaru. The impact drove him back a step, and the licks cleaned the tears from his face. Ken tried to calm the dog down, and by the time he did the others were standing around them. Junpei-san clapped him on the back, Fuuka-san and Yukari-san talked about how worried they were when they'd lost track of him. Minato-senpai and Mitsuru-senpai congratulated him, standing next to each other. And Akihiko-senpai handed him his spear and smiled. "Finally pulled it off, did you?" the boxer asked.
Ken laughed, and everything clicked into place. "Yeah. I'd like to help you guys; it seems like you'll need it."
"We'd be glad to have you," Mitsuru-senpai told him.
"Just make sure you don't lose this Persona along the way," Akihiko-senpai joked. "It's not like we're handing them out for free."
They laughed and headed toward the dorm. Ken scratched Koro's ears, walking in step with the others, not behind them or off to the side. The whole trip back, they would turn to him and nod in a sentiment that no one voiced, but that no one needed to: "Welcome back."
