Chapter 2: Not The Victim
Begrudgingly I pried open my eyes to a blurry Bullworth morning, I glanced over at my side table alarm clock. It read 7am, gross. This was giving me two hours to attempt to get up. All you have to do is get up. GET UP. Unfortunately, I also had to get dressed and attempt to do my makeup, if I can even locate half of it. All I wanted to do was lay in bed all day and do nothing. Maybe if I had enough willpower I could put up some things that I was allowed to bring with me. I forced myself out of bed and put on a clean outfit, identical to the one I wore yesterday. I paired the boring uniform with a black pair of vans, wanting to spice up the outfit a tad. Also, I rummaged through my bags that I brought yesterday and sooner or later I found some of my jewlery. I put on a variety of rings and some studded cuff bracelets.
My next task was finding my makeup mirror, it ended up being under a few band tees that I would probably never get to wear. I sighed and pulled it out and put it on the desk that they graciously provided my room with. I went back over to my bags and opened one of the side compartments, I proceeded to pull out a plethora of makeup that I had either been given or had stolen over the past couple of years. I sat down at the desk chair and started to put black eyeshadow all over my eyes and smoked it out as I went. Next, I applied black eyeliner, I just went with my usual semi big winged liner. Finally, I just threw on some mascara and popped on some lip gloss, nothing too out of the ordinary. However, none of the other girls at Bullworth seemed to have the same makeup style as me, which I'm sure would affect me negatively in some way. Everyone knows how girls just love to talk.
I got up from the chair and took a final glance at my clock, 7:50. Still had about an hour to decide if I wanted to go to class, genuinely surprised that it didn't take me any longer. If I didn't have to wear a uniform then it would have taken me the whole two hours give or take. I didn't really feel like doing my hair today though, so that definitely saved me some time and a breakdown.
I sighed and opened the door and walked into the hallway. There didn't really seem to be a lot of guys out though, probably staying in bed until the last possible minute. I did notice a lot of the nerds quietly walking around though. Being amongst all of the guys wasn't really bothering me though, I grew up in a household where men made up over half of the population. I had three brothers and then of course my dad. Getting tortured and then instantly laughing with them all of my life really put a damper on how I perceived male attention, but it also gave me a thick skin. If I could handle them I could certainly handle Gary, speaking of I heard him saying something to who I could only assume was Jimmy and Pete. I walked over to the lounge and leaned on the doorframe. All three of them were so caught up and doing whatever it was they appeared to be doing that they didn't notice me at first. Jimmy was in the process of kicking the beam cola machine's ass, Pete was on the couch trying to not get caught in the crossfire, and Gary was acting like he was paying attention to what Jimmy was doing but I'm sure that wasn't the case.
I silently crept over to the couch without them noticing and sat by Pete, "Good morning sunshine." I snickered into his ear. He instantly jumped but when he realized it was me a calm smile crept across his face. Pete getting startled somewhat diverted the other two from their tasks.
"Oh boy, what do we owe the pleasure of getting attention from Bullworths very own prostitute? We don't require any of your services, well Jimmy might but I'm pretty sure he's on the brink of poverty. So run along." Gary rolled his eyes while barely even looking at me. Shit, what do I even say to that. Fuck, why do I keep looking at him. Say something. Anything.
"Gary, can you just shut the fuck up for one second?" Jimmy was sadly still attempting to get a soda out from the machine. At least he cut in before I was forced to say something.
"I'm sorry James, I keep forgetting you have to rub two of your brain cells together and wait for a spark before you can form a cognitive thought." Gary laughed, not looking back at me or Pete. Why do you care if he looks at you? Do you like him or something? Oh come on you're so predictable.
"Listen man, I've only known you for what two days now and you're already boring me. I would rather go to class than to hang around with you." Jimmy finally stepped away from the machine, gaining nothing. He slowly started to walk away from the rest of us. Wow, maybe he is actually going to class.
Pete scrambled to get up from the couch, "Hey Jimmy wait up!" He quickly caught up to Jimmy and they both walked out the front doors together.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Left alone with him on the second day. Son of a bitch.
Gary didn't move a muscle when Pete and Jimmy were exiting but now that they were gone he snapped around to look at me. He glared at me and it made me feel gross. It felt like he was tearing me apart in his mind. I couldn't show that on the outside though, so I kept my expression hard with my eyes meeting his. He meandered over to the couch with a slight grin on his face, and he sat down next to me while I forgot how to breathe. We sat in silence looking at one another for a while, other students were finally arising from their slumbers and roaming the halls. Some came in to buy a soda or two but they left us alone. I guess everyone else knew to leave Gary alone, it felt like we were invisible in our own little world.
As soon as it felt like the dorm was gaining life inside of its walls it almost instantly got sucked out, students were trickling outside. Once again it was just us. You know you could just leave right, get up and go about your day? Why are you so interested in what he has to say? I have to admit my boredom was outweighing my interest little by little. Gary laid his arm on the back of the couch and snaked it around me. What the fuck is going on?
"You made a little comment yesterday about me wrapping my hands around your throat? Well, I want you to take a last look around the dorm and tell me what you see?" His tone had changed from earlier, he no longer sounded angry. It was something else, something I couldn't put my finger on. Silence fell upon the room again as I quickly glanced around the lounge. I waited and waited until I decided to just not say anything back.
"Oh, you're suddenly mute now? What happened to that act you put on yesterday? Are you afraid to be alone with me, or are you afraid that no one is going to be able to hear you scream?" Gary laughed that same maniacal laugh from before and before I knew it his free hand was around my throat. His grip was soft enough so he wouldn't leave a bruise.
Do something do something. Anything!
He knew I was starting to get nervous, he saw it in my eyes. Why did I feel humiliated? If there was one thing I wasn't going to do it was show him tears. Instead I kicked him as hard as I could in his leg. He let me go long enough so I could get up, and scurry back down the hallway towards my room. "What the actual fuck is your problem!?" I was standing right outside my door so I could quickly get in if he got too close.
He was standing right outside the lounge, just far enough so I felt comfortable yelling at him. Comfortable? You can't be serious. Krista? Comfortable? He just put his hands on you. "You know I was only kidding. You're barely worth my time as is, you really think I would take time out of my life to murder you?" He chuckled and started towards me. My heart rate picked up a little as he planted himself only about a foot or so in front of me. He extended his hand, he was holding it out like he was waiting for something.
"Do you seriously expect me to shake hands with you right now? You have got to be joking." I laughed in his face but the smile that was on his face didn't waver.
"Truce?" I was tempted to leave him without an answer. This had to be some sick attempt at a joke, right?
"What if I say fuck your truce?" My tone was as serious as I could make it. My right hand still had a grip on the door knob, I could escape this situation easily if I wanted to.
"Fine, so be it. I'm just extending this offer because I've taken a liking to you." He put his hand to his side and the mischievous smile he had plastered on his face faded.
"You know I think you're a fucking liar Gary."
"Suit yourself friend. Silly me for thinking you were anything more than what you appear to be." He scoffed and turned away from me.
Overwhelming anxiety overtook my body, it felt like I was drowning. My face felt red and I could barely turn the doorknob that I had been overly confident about earlier. I shut my door quietly, and I crashed onto my bed as the sadness flowed through me. I cried until I was physically unable to anymore and I had screamed into my pillow so many times that I'm sure my voice would sound fucked for at least a few hours. Not wanting to do anything else I crawled under my blankets hoping that sleep would come soon, even if it was still only for a few hours it was an escape from whatever the hell just happened to me.
Ugh, awake again. Fuck. I sighed and opened my eyes, 3:50pm. Forcing myself to get up was a task within itself, it was like I had to beg my brain to let me get up. In exchange for getting up I told myself I could reward myself with a soda. So I quickly fixed my hair so it didn't really look like I had just rolled out of bed. The tear streaks that my mascara had left would have to go too, couldn't let anyone know I was crying. God forbid Gary saw them, can't let him think he'd affected me. Yeah, he put his hands on me, big deal. It had happened to me in my past, whether it had been my friends or exes. Not all of them of course, just the ones who thought they could take advantage of me. If I had learned anything in my fifteen years of life it was that even the people you thought would never leave you, would.
I had fixed my teary streaks and touched up my eyes a little bit, they looked just as good as before. Not needing to fix anything else I could get my soda, I grabbed a dollar from one of my bags and I was on my way out the door. Making my way towards the lounge for the second time today I had heard the familiar voices of Jimmy, Pete, and who could forget Gary. Trying to avoid the situation I just walked over to the soda machine and inserted my dollar. It sounded like a pretty heated discussion but this wasn't going to be my problem, I definitely got my fill for the day.
"Relax James, all he said was that you must be dumb. Or maybe you're all messed up because you came from a broken home." It was impossible to not hear Gary, they still didn't seem to notice me or maybe they did but they didn't care. I would almost prefer it that way. I was trying to decide between Beam Cola Cherry Vanilla or Beam Cola Raspberry. Before I could make my final decision I heard Gary say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't you lie Petey. Don't you lie, because you know what happens to liars?" I hit the cherry vanilla button and the soda made a loud thump coming out of the machine. I turned around to watch how this was going to play out, this had piqued my interest. What can I say? I'm a sucker for some good drama.
"No, no I'm not lying!" Pete was pleading with Gary. I didn't really take Pete for a liar, but what do I know?
"We kick them in the balls!" Gary shouted and Pete simultaneously fell to the ground. Of course that triggered a laugh from Gary, he started to leave the lounge with Jimmy when he slightly glanced over at me. "Come on Jimmy let's go have some fun with this new slingshot I heard you had. Don't worry friend, nothing escapes my notice. I hear everything, you and me we can do things."
Pete was still groaning in pain when they left the dorm. Not really knowing what to do in this situation I grabbed my soda from the machine then went and sat next to Pete on the hard tile like flooring. "Pete, do you want my soda? If you don't like this kind I can get you another kind."
"No, uh I'm actually okay. Thanks though." Understably, he didn't even attempt to look at me or do much of anything.
"Well, I smuggled some ibuprofen in here if you want a couple of those?" I laughed a little and looked at the tv that was directly in front of the couch that Gary and I had been on earlier. When he had his arm around me, it felt wrong. He was filled with false promises and disasters waiting to happen. So why did I care? Because you always end up caring about the wrong people. My face was beginning to feel flushed. You can't let Pete see you cry. Speaking of crying, this would be the second time today. Come on, pull yourself together.
Noticing that more people were coming in, I got up without trying to show my ass. Also, not forgetting to grab my soda that I came out here in the first place for. It was barely cold now but I suppose I'll have to survive. I extended my hand out to Pete who must have also noticed the other voices beginning to speak around him, he took my hand and let me help him up. We went unnoticed as we went down the hallway to my room in silence only making any noise when the door shut behind us.
I started rummaging through my bags once again, taking longer than it should have to find the ibuprofen I was promising. I opened the bottle and I gave Pete two of the brownish pills, hopefully this could do something to make him feel somewhat better.
"So does he uh physically assault people often?" I wondered aloud, I went and sat on my bed and I gestured towards the desk chair. It was open for Pete if he wanted it.
"Gary just gets a little worked up sometimes ya know? It's just part of who he is." Pete hung his head and looked defeated. I could only imagine how many times this had happened before.
"Does he hit girls often too?" I raised my eyebrows, Pete's head shot up almost like he was shocked.
"Krista did he-"
"I'm not saying that Pete. I'm just asking if he's ever hit a girl before?" Pete always seemed worked up over something. I would never want to burden him with that.
"N-not that I know of. Gary can act pretty messed up sometimes, but I don't think he could come to that. At least I hope not."
"Why do you excuse what he does?" The late afternoon sun was shining through onto us, almost hitting us perfectly.
"I don't know if I can answer that. It's more of an absentminded thing now than it was before, when it first started happening I tried standing up for myself but I just realized that I would end up alone, with no other friends to turn to. The fear of being alone in a place left like this would make a person excuse almost any type of behavior."
"You go running back every time, you can't escape the hold they have over you. The sliver of good times you could count on one hand but somehow they always end up outweighing the bad."
