Chapter 10

Carter felt like he was floating.

His head felt like cotton candy. He tried to form a thought, but couldn't quite get his brain to function.

He had no idea where he was, or what was going on.

Voices started to register in his mind, but they sounded far away and muffled.

"...I think he's waking up..."

"Carter? Carter? Can you hear me?"

Carter didn't recognises the voices and that scared him.

He tried to open his eyes but his eyelids felt too heavy, and sleep was calling him.

"His heart rates rising...think he's scared."

"Carter?" A soft feminine voice called out closer to him, and he felt pressure on his hand. Suddenly realising that the rest of his body felt disconnected from him; "Carter. It's Carol. I'm here with Doug. It's ok. It's going to be ok. You're going to be ok."

"Just sleep buddy. We'll be here when you wake up."

Carol? Doug?

Those names seemed familiar but he couldn't quite place them.

He felt fingers run through his hair tenderly. And he just felt a lot better. Knowing he wasn't alone, and he believed them that he was going to be ok.

Darkness overtook him again and he felt himself get pulled back down.

Soon he was back asleep.

0o0o0o0o0oERo0o0o0oo

"He's back asleep." Doug murmured as he pulled the syringe back out of Carter's IV, looking back down at Carter as he rested his hand back on the resident's head.

Opposite him, Carol sat by Carter's bed side holding his hand; "Is he ok? He seemed scared."

"It was just him fighting the sedation." Doug replied with a smile at Carter, running his fingers through his hair; "It's good. It means he's going to wake up soon. He was probably just confused, between all the drugs and his head injury. It's better if he sleeps though."

"The pneumonia's going." Carol said brightly, sighing in relief; "He seems better."

"Yeah his temps back to normal too. His lungs seem to be breathing on their own. I think it's time to take out the vent."

"Do you want me to get Mark?" Carol asked standing up, because she and Doug weren't actually on shift at the moment and Mark was.

"No I got it." Doug said casually, slipping on some gloves and injected Carter to help his lungs whilst he pulled out the vent.

Slipping on his stethoscope, he checked Carter's breathing. And smiled broadly, slipping it back around his neck; "Both lungs strong, and breathing stable."

Carol pulled out the oxygen mask and slipped it gently over Carter's face, undoing the oxygen canister.

"Vitals good. Strong." Doug said pleased, resting his hands on the bed railing.

"He's going to be ok." Carol said walking around to slip her hand into Doug's, and let her head drop onto his shoulder. Letting out a sigh of relief, using her other hand she rubbed his arm in comfort.

"Yeah looks like it."

They'd all been worried sick about Carter.

The first few days, things had been touch and go. One minute he was stable, the next his fever and breathing got worse, and others the swelling in his brain was so bad that they might have had to send him back into surgery.

But Carter fought through it. He did a massive turn around, and he was on the mend.

"He should wake up again in a few hours." Doug said pleased; "Once the sedation wears off, he should be more coherent." He paused to check Carter's vitals, and Carol watched his face become strained and concerned.

She knew he was especially worried about Carter. Ever since Carter's family turned their backs on him, Doug and Mark had taken on the responsibility. And with the severity of his injuries, they knew at any moment Carter could die, so they were scared to leave him.

Even now, just because Carter was getting better, didn't mean he was out of the woods. They still didn't know the extent of damage to Carter's brain. He lost a lot of oxygen to his brain, and between that and his head injury. If and when he woke up, he may not be the same Carter anymore.

"I'll go tell Mark." Carol murmured, kissing Doug's cheek before moving to leave. Giving Doug some time alone with Carter. Knowing she couldn't pry him away if she tried.

0o0o0o0ERo0o0ooo

When Carter woke up again, he felt more aware.

The first thing he heard was a steady beeping, loud in his ears.

As the feeling starting to come back into his body, his limbs felt heavy, and pain started to creep in. His chest felt tight and he let out a few coughs, that made his chest hurt.

Slowly, open his eyes, he blinked to clear his blurred vision.

He found himself staring up at familiar ceiling. It was the hospital ceiling.

He was lying in a hospital bed?

Thinking hard, he tried to remember what happened. The last thing he remembered...he had been working in the ER. He felt sick...Mark and Doug found him in the men's room and sent him home...but he didn't go home, he didn't have one. He was at Doc Magoos, then he went on his second cleaning job, and then...everything's all fuzzy.

What the hell happened?

Letting out a groan at a sharp pain in his head, he closed his eyes wincing.

When he reopened them, everything was a little clearer. He got a look around the room. He was definitely laying in a hospital bed, in a hospital gown, hooked up to a heart monitor with an oxygen mask on. The room was slightly darkened, the lights off, only illumination coming from the moonlight outside. It was night.

It was then he spotted Doug and Mark through the window to his room, standing closely outside talking deeply. About him? What was wrong with him?

In panic, he scrambled to pull his mask off, pulling it down his face.

Then he tried to sit up, and ended up moving his right hand. A yelp and whimper escaped him as pain exploded all over. His vision blurred and he felt nauseas.

When it passed, he looked down startled seeing his right arm in a cast, along with his leg.

What the...?

He tried to suck in a breath, and ended up exploding into a full blown coughing fit. His lungs burned like they were on fire, and it felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest. Gasping for air, he found black dots spreading across his vision.

The next thing he knew, Mark and Doug appeared in his vision.

Mark quickly put the mask back on Carter's face, with an expression of deep concern, as Doug turned up his pain medication and his oxygen.

"Just take slow deep breaths." Mark said calmly, keeping his hand on the mask to make sure Carter didn't move it; "It's alright. Just slow. Deep breaths." He mimicked the breathing himself.

Carter tried to copy Mark's breathing, but it hurt so much to breath and he struggled to get the air in. He was beginning to get scared now. He didn't know what was happening.

"It's ok Carter. It's ok." Doug reassured, putting his hand to Carter's head nodding with a small smile; "You're ok. Just breath."

Finally, Carter sucked in a breath of air, and it felt so good. The tightness on his chest eased, and he finally abled to take some breathes. His head cleared, and he felt a lot better.

"That's it buddy." Doug murmured encouragingly, looking at the vital monitors watching as his vitals stabilised and he calmed down; "Here." He placed the pain pump machine button in Carter's hand; "Just push the button if you're in pain. It will help."

"That better?" Mark questioned, releasing the mask to put his hands on the railing, watching Carter closely.

Carter just nodded weakly.

"Wha...what...happened?" Carter let out a small cough again trying to speak, his voice muffled by the mask.

"Don't try to talk." Mark said softly, and worried about Carter's coughing; "You need to rest."

"You were in an accident." Doug offered gently, studying his reaction; "Do you remember?"

Accident?!

Carter frowned looking panicked between Doug and Mark, and that's all they needed to know.

He tried to wrack his brains for any memory on an accident. But there was nothing...He left the ER and went to Doc Magoos, but what happened after that?

Shaking his head vigorously, he looked at them pleadingly.

His panic worsened, when Doug and Mark shared a silent look, conveying a secret conversation. And it clearly wasn't good.

The machines gave away his panic as his vitals escalated.

"It's ok." Doug said softly, shaking his head; "That's ok. It's probably just a side effect of the sedation."

Pulling out a penlight Mark moved to shine it in both Carter's eyes, and as Carter let him he realised they were doing a neuro exam. Did he hit his head? Is that why it hurts so much?

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Dr John Carter." Carter murmured muffled by the mask, but they heard it.

Nodding with a smile, Mark said pleased; "Very good. Now do you know where you are?"

"Hospital. ICU?"

Nodding again, Mark then asked; "Do you what the date is?"

At that Carter shook his head.

"Alright. That's alright."

"Acci...what...?" Finally Carter had enough and pulled the mask down; "What accident? Why? Why am I here?" He cleared his throat, feeling it all croaky and raspy.

Offering him a cup of water with straw from the side table, Mark sent Doug a sideways look.

"You were hit by a car." Mark hedged vaguely.

"Do you remember anything?" Doug tilted his head, resting his arms on the railing.

"Car?" Carter murmured furrowing his brow, startled. Not knowing anything about a car. And he shook his head, having no memory of this.

"Is that why my head hurts so much?"

"You had some pretty bad injuries, but you're going to be just fine." Mark assured quickly, patting his shoulder, not wanting to go into anymore details to frighten him.

"It feels like there's a jackhammer in my head." He winced and rolled his head slightly, shifting and wincing. Then he stilled snapping his eyes open; "No one drilled in my head did they?" His one good hand lunged up to touch his head.

"No no it's fine." Mark said quickly stopping his movements; "You're fine."

"It came close though."

"Doug!" Mark sent him a warning look; "This isn't the time for this."

"What? No I want to know." Carter breathed letting out another cough. Mark simply just replaced the mask.

"Carter you need to rest..."

"Please." Carter's eyes begged, full of terror; "Am I...?"

"No no!" Doug said fiercely suddenly feeling guilty; "You are going to be fine. Mark's right, nothing else matters. All you need to know is you're going to be ok. Just get some rest. We got you."

Carter wanted to object, needing to know what was wrong with him, what happened to him. But sleep was already pulling him under, and he found his eyes closing.

He fell fast asleep a moment later.

"Doug you shouldn't have said that." Mark said with a tired sigh as he made sure Carter was asleep first; "He's scared enough, and he needs to rest."

"I wasn't trying to scare him." Doug said defensively before reluctantly nodding as he looked guilty at Carter; "He is going to have to know eventually."

"When he's stronger." Mark said with finality before softening seeing Doug's expression; "I know you're worried about him, we all are. But we have to take this slow. We can't push him. Take if from me maybe it's better if he doesn't remember."

"You're right sorry buddy. We all need to do what's best for Carter."

"He doesn't seem to have any brain damage, and he's getting better. That's all that matters."

0o0o0o0o0oERo0o0ooo0ooo

Carter swore he only closed his eyes for a second.

But when he opened them again, it was noisier, lots of voices and commotion coming from the hallway outside. And it was lighter in his room. The sunlight streaming in.

His head was facing the door to the hallway, which was closed but he could see lots of people walking past the window.

Thinking he was alone to start with, he felt slightly saddened and uncertain. He felt more awake though, and the pain wasn't so bad.

Sighing, he rolled his head to the other side. And was surprised to see Doug sitting on a stool writing in a chart.

He tried to say something, but his throat was dry and a mess of sounds came out.

Snapping his head up surprised, Doug's face was a mixture of concern and relief.

Trying to pull the mask out, feeling a bit claustrophobic with it on, Carter struggled with his hand not quite cooperating.

Doug just stood up and reached over to help lift up over off his head, and held out the water to drink.

Once Carter had a sip, he dropped his head back to the bed far too tired for such a simple task.

"Better?" Doug murmured quietly resting his hands on the bed railing.

"Yeah thanks. How long was I out?"

"Just a few hours."

Carson looked at him, trying to see if he was hiding something about his condition. And Doug took that look to mean that wasn't what he was asking.

Glancing at the door, Doug made a choice to tell Carter the truth. He deserved that.

"Six days." Doug explained; "You've been out for about six days. You've been in an out of consciousness ever since we took the vent out, but I'm guessing the last time with Mark was the first real time you were awake?"

Carter furrowed his brow; "Vent? How bad?" His eyes slid to the chart still in Doug's hand and he reached for it.

Doug took a step back, holding it away, knowing that was a step too far. Seeing the severity of his injuries was not going to do him any good. He had to chose his words carefully. He wanted to confront Carter about everything, but knew Mark was right. This wasn't the time.

"You um..." Rubbing his nose he continued; "You broke your arm, and your leg, whilst bruising your hip. You also had some internal bleeding, but Peter patched that up just fine."

"Dr Benton? Dr Benton operated on me." Carter's eyes widened; "Wow ok..."

"There was some brain swelling, and bleeding." Doug said cautiously watching Carter's reaction. Surprisingly, his expression stayed blank; "And a severe case of pneumonia, likely from your cold getting worse by laying out the snow storm. We had you on a vent for a while and had to monitor you constantly. Luckily, we didn't have to drill in your brain because the swelling and bleeding stopped. And you're fever finally broke. The pneumonia is still an issue, which is we're just keeping a close eye on you. But it looks like you're going to be just fine."

As he finished, Carter just lay there blinking for a moment.

In a way that made sense with everything that hurt.

"You ok Carter?" Doug asked after a moment.

"Yeah I guess so. It's just...a lot to take in. I don't even remember..." Carter trailed off as he was suddenly hit with flashes of memory. He remembered the headlights of the car first, and then it all came flooding back.

"Carter?" Doug said worried.

"I...the kids." Carter's eyes widened as he looked at Doug fearfully; "The kids. Are they alright?" He went to sit up, when Doug put his hands on his shoulder to stop him.

"The kids playing in the street? They're fine. They're all fine. Thanks to you. You saved their lives."

Relieved, Carter nodded and lay back. The kids were ok. They were safe.

It was then something clicked. How did Doug know about the kids or the car...?

"How do you know?"

"You mean because you tried to hide your injuries?" Doug sent him a challenging look; "Tell me something Carter what you thinking? You got hit by a car and instead of waiting for an ambulance, you walk to the hospital. And then you hide in the men's room, changing into scrubs and trying to treat yourself." He frowned at him baffled; "I found you on the floor of the suture room Carter. Unconscious and not breathing. Bleeding."

"Oh."

"You nearly died. If we hadn't found you, could have died. What were you thinking?"

"I didn't think it was that bad." Carter said in a small voice looking away ashamed and feeling self conscious.

"That's because you weren't thinking clearly. You were delirious because you were sick, and had a fever. Then you had a head injury, and were hypothermic. You're a doctor Carter, you should have known it was bad. Why didn't you tell us? What was so bad about us treating you?" Doug was on a roll now and couldn't stop himself; "Do you know those kids left you in the street for dead. They just left you. You saved their lives and they left you there. Didn't even call for help. And they mugged you."

"Yeah I remember." Carter said bitterly, looking away.

Doug's frown deepened; "And you still care more about if they are ok, than yourself. You nearly died Carter! Do you get that?"

"I know it was stupid." Carter sighed; "I should have tried to warn them better, instead of rushing out in front of a speeding car. I just...it happened so fast, I just knew I had to save them. When I woke up and they were gone, and no help was coming. I knew I couldn't stay out in the snow, I'd freeze to death. I had to get to the hospital, but when I got here...I just couldn't...I didn't want to be here. Be a patient."

"Why? There's no shame in being a patient Carter. We don't care how it happened just that you're ok." He finished softening.

"Sorry." Carter said quietly.

Sighing, Doug sat back down, leaning forward; "You had us all really worried for a while there. We're all just glad you're ok."

"Yeah." Carter drawled, become melancholy. Because it all just hit him. His situation. Remembering the fact he was homeless, had no money, and was now in a hospital bed badly injured. This was just great...