Chapter 13
"I said I wanted to be alone." Carter grunted, his head turned to the ride, staring blankly at the window. He heard someone come in, he didn't see who, but he didn't really care. Whoever it was, he wasn't in the mood for any platitudes or pep talks right now.
"Yeah well too bad." Doug's voice rang out, as there was then the sound of a wheelchair being pushed into the room, and Doug came into view pushing it; "And quite frankly, I don't believe that's true. Now..." He paused to rest on hand on the wheelchair as he looked at Carter; "You can sulk in this bed alone. Or you can come with me, and get out of here for a bit."
Narrowing his eyes, Carter asked; "Go where?"
Doug merely smiled.
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Carter blew out a breath, enjoying seeing a small cloud of breath as he did.
It was so nice to be outside. Even though it was freezing cold, it was amazing to get some fresh air. And the view from the hospital roof of the city, was just spectacular.
Huddling further into the large black jacket that Doug had given him, Carter just took a moment to enjoy the view. Not thinking about anything, or anyone.
"Thanks." Carter finally murmured after a moment, directed at Doug, who was standing, hands in his own big black coat pockets, leaning his back against a wall beside him. He wasn't sure entirely what he was thanking Doug for. For saving his life, for supporting him with the issues with his family, for staying with him even when he tried to push them away. Or maybe just for bringing him up here. He didn't know. There was so much he wanted to say but just couldn't...
He felt Doug's eyes on him, and Carter knew Doug was only sticking with him because he was worried about him.
"Sure thing buddy." Doug replied simply looking away with a smile.
Carter just felt utterly embarrassed and humiliated. It was bad enough they knew the truth about his situation, but to witness that blowout...it was bound to be round the whole hospital now. Just great. Now they all knew his family drama and how pathetic he was.
They stayed in silence after that for a while. Doug just giving Carter time to process everything, but letting him know he was there. In case he needed him.
It wasn't long after that the door opened and Mark walked onto the roof, wearing a coat and holding three steaming takeout cups.
Doug gave him a silent nod, taking one of the cups and giving a smile of thanks.
Mark then moved over to Carter in the wheelchair and held one out to him.
Blinking surprised, Carter looked confused at the cup and Mark for a second, his mind taking a moment to catch up with what was happening.
Then he took the cup with a shaky hand; "Thanks." He mumbled quietly.
Merely nodding, Mark went to sit on one of the lower walls sideways facing Carter.
"I'm sorry." Carter continued, picking at the cups lid with his fingers as he kept his head down, afraid to meet their gaze. Not knowing what he might see; "For you know...my parents. I didn't mean to make a scene."
"You have nothing to apologise for Carter." Mark said firmly, but also softly.
"Yeah families can be tough." Doug murmured reassuringly.
"Yeah..."
"I'm sorry if this out of line Carter," Mark started unable to stop himself; "But your parents seem especially..."
"Rude. Selfish. Patronising. Uncaring." Doug offered without a hint of embarrassment or guilt for speaking that way about Carter's parents.
Mark shot him a look, but Carter merely shrugged with a sigh; "They weren't always like that...I mean they were distant but they still cared. It was after Bobby died, they changed."
"Bobby?" Mark enquired softly.
Carter looked up at the view as he replied in a voice barely above a whisper; "My older brother. Robert." It was still hard for Carter to talk about Bobby, or think about what happened. Bobby had been his best friend, not just his brother. And they had been inseparable. When he lost him, it shattered Carter's world. It was why he became a doctor, to save others when he couldn't save his brother. But still Carter struggled with losing Bobby every day.
"He had Leukaemia." Carter continued his voice breaking, and he had to clear his throat, finally bringing himself to look at Mark. He wasn't sure he was telling them this. He never spoke about Bobby, to anyone, and he really should stop. But the emotions he spent so long and worked so hard to keep locked away were spilling out and he couldn't stop them; "The doctors did everything they could but...without a bone marrow match, and the chemo not working..." Carter trailed off; "He died when he was 10. I was 8."
"God Carter. I'm so sorry." Doug breathed sharing an alarmed look with Mark. Completely thrown. He had no idea. Carter was always so happy and carefree. To go through something so tragic...that was horrible.
"I'm sorry too." Mark murmured reaching over and gently squeezing Carters arm.
"It's alright it was a long time ago." Carter swiped angrily at his eyes trying to remove the tears that fell before Mark and Doug saw. But they did.
"Still losing your brother. That has to be hard even now." Doug prompted softly, seeing Carter was trying to shut them out again. And he wasn't a shrink but he knew Carter needed to stop bottling this stuff up. Given Mark didn't say his name in that angry tone he used, he had to agree.
"Yeah…" Carter murmured quietly looking down at the cup in his hand as he twirled it in his hands lost in thought; "There are moments where I miss him more than others. Like when something good or bad happens and I just want to tell him. And then remember I cant. It kind of feels like I lose him all over again." Sighing, Carter ran a shaky hand over his face. Not sure if it was shaking because of the cold or this conversation. He'd never talked about Bobby to anyone and it was bringing up all the pain all the sadness.
"It wasn't so bad before you know...I mean my parents were busy all the time with the foundation but Bobby and I had each other to play with and there were times when we were actually a family. Like Bobby's birthday or Christmas. But when he got sick...everything changed. My mom shut herself away for a couple of weeks and my dad was even busier with the foundation and hospitals. Trying to find the best doctors to save him. They were so busy trying to save him they barely actually saw him. I stayed with him tried to keep his spirits up. But then my parents shipped me off to boarding school. I was riding my bike home one day when I just knew. It just hit me that he had died." Frowning Carter paused; "I cant even remember the last thing I said to him. And I barely remember what he looked like. But sometimes it's like I can hear his laugh or see his face in someone else's." He scoffed releasing how ridiculous it sounded.
Clearing his throat he focused; "Anyway after he died, my parents were never the same. My mom barely looked at me and refused to even acknowledge me. She still doesn't. And my dad well he became focused on making sure I fulfilled my destiny as the Carter heir. Sending me to all the right schools. He'd laid everything out. My whole life. It just...it wasn't what I wanted. Not that he cared. My grandfathers pretty much the same but gammy always seemed to care. Supporting me in my dreams. Until now I guess. Now they think I'm just some homeless delinquent. The only reason they came here today was to try and protect their precious reputations." He was gripping the chair now in a vice grip. So caught up in his emotions he hadnt realised he'd said that all aloud.
When he stopped there was a moment of silence, and Carter could feel their gazes on him. But he was terrified to see what they held. Not wanting to see the pity or shock. He felt utterly humiliated.
"Carter…" Mark started.
"Can I go back to my room now? I'm pretty tired and don't feel so good." It wasn't a total lie as he was shivering and his chest felt rather tight. A raspy cough escaped before he could stop it. And he felt suddenly exhausted.
"Of course Carter." Mark replied simply as he got up and moved to the back of the wheelchair, grabbing the handles, immediately turning him around to steer back inside.
Carter suddenly felt really tired. His eyes drooping as they re-entered the building. As soon as they entered the elevator, Carter's head lolled and his hand started to tip.
Doug gently took the cup from Carter's hands before it fell to the floor.
"Carter?" Mark murmured peering down at him, but Carter was already out cold.
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Carter was momentarily woken up when Doug and Mark were putting him back into his bed, but he was so tired, and his mind couldn't quite focus on what was happening.
He tried to speak, but all that came out was a groan.
"It's ok buddy. Just get some sleep." Doug cooed softly, running hand through Carter's hair, and giving him a small smile.
Mark set about putting the nose cannula back around Carter's head and reconnecting him to the machines. Carter was already fast asleep before he even finished.
"He's a little warm." Doug murmured worriedly his hand on Carter's head. Then he pulled out his stethoscope and listened to Carter's chest, looking up at Mark; "Lungs a little congested."
"Probably just a flare up of the pneumonia. He'll be ok." Mark assured Doug, checking Carter's vitals. Pleased at the results.
"I shouldn't have taken him outside." Doug growled angry at himself; "It's freezing outside and he's sick."
"Doug. He was barely out there five minutes. I don't think that's going to make him any worse. Besides it probably did him good to get some fresh air."
"Yeah..." Doug said dubiously and looked down at Carter's face. The bruises still fresh and sore, and his face so pale. It just wasn't right seeing Carter like this.
"What did you think of everything he said up there?" Doug finally asked Mark, looking at him.
Mark stilled for a moment, and then in a surprising moment of tenderness reached over and placed his hand on Carter's shoulder; "Honestly. I'm shocked. I had no idea what he'd been through. His brother, his family..."
"It's messed up." Doug agreed; "I get that they lost their kid, and that had to be unimaginably painful. But to basically abandon your other child after something so horrible, and not even care enough to spend time with him. It's despicable."
"You're right." Mark agreed weakly, and that surprised Doug. Usually, they didn't see eye to eye when it came to difficult situations. But he was glad that Mark sided with him on this.
"I don't want his family around him anymore." Doug finally voiced, raising his head, and waited for Mark to challenge him.
"I've already got security on it. But I don't think it will be a problem. I'm pretty sure they won't come back."
Again Doug was left stunned.
"He needs a support system." Mark explained seeing Doug's expression; "You and I both know that studies reflect patients get better when family is around to help them through it, and they get worse when they're alone, or get stressed. That argument with his parents probably made Carter feel worse. Which is probably why he feels so tired all of a sudden. We need to make him feel safe, relaxed and supported. It's the only way he'll get better."
"He's got a support system. Right here."
Mark smiled at Doug nodding slowly. If Carter's family wasn't going to be there for him, they would be. They were his family now.
"Why don't you go home, get some sleep? I'll stay the night with him." Mark offered, knowing he wasn't going to get any sleep with Carter here.
"Are you sure? I can stay."
Now Mark smiled broadly, amused how they both wanted to stay with Carter. It was true how fond they had grown of the young resident.
"Go spend some time with Carol. I got him."
Doug hesitated, looking down at Carter. He had barely left the hospital since Carter got hurt.
But he was getting better...and Mark was with him, and Peter...and it would be great to spend time with Carol.
"He'll be find Doug. Go." Mark said more softly, nodding at him.
"Alright." Doug relented; "But you call me the second anything changes. Good or bad."
"I will Doug. Now go before I change my mind." Mark said chuckling.
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The chills started first.
Carter just couldn't stop shaking, feeling so cold his hands trembled as he tried to wrap the blanket round himself.
He tried to open his eyes, but he felt so strange. His whole body just felt disconnected. When he finally opened his eyes, he found the bright lights were blinding and instantly made his head hurt and nausea rise.
He must have made a noise because suddenly Mark appeared in his line of sight, looking down at him and saying something. Atleast Carter thought he was. His mouth was moving, but Carter heard nothing.
"Wha?" Carter tried before a cough escaped him, and it made his head hurt more. Pain stabbed all over, his vision spun and he couldn't stop the nausea this time; "M'gonna be sick." Carter managed to warn Mark just before it happened.
Mark thankfully, was quick to react. Instantly helping Carter sick up as he shoved a basin under him just as he threw up.
The retching soon became so severe, his chest felt so tight he couldn't breathe and he gasped for air. Sweat fell down his forehead, and his neck. But that couldn't be. He was cold not hot. Everything just felt wrong. He felt wrong...
When the retching finally stopped, Carter fell limp. His body just so tired, and his mind unable to stay coherent. He didn't know what was happening to him.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered Mark helping him lay back down. Wiping his mouth, and placing the oxygen mask over his face.
"...arter?...hear me?" Mark had a terrified expression as he looked down at him, pleading for a response. But Carter didn't know what to say. He was just so tired.
"...Stay with me Carter." Carter heard Mark plea.
Stay with him? He was with him. What did he mean stay with him?
"Stay awake."
Carter heard the desperation in Mark's voice, and he hated to let him down. But sleep was already calling him, and he just wanted the pain to go away. So he succumbed to the darkness.
He slipped away just as Mark was shouting for help. Missing the machines beeping loudly and wildly.
