Day 6: Brothers in Blue

Atlanta, Georgia, United States of America

July 2nd, 2010, 11:30 AM

I was disoriented when I woke up, and the sun was already high in the sky. I had almost forgotten where I was, what was going on. I couldn't remember what dreams had haunted me last night, but I was sure they weren't good by the racing of my heart. I was on full alert, but as I took in the surroundings in front of me, I could see that everything was okay… for now. People were quiet in the camp, but working together, exchanging words only when something pertinent needed to be communicated. The energy was low. Family members and friends clung close to those they were familiar with, cautious around those they had only met the night before.

I had remembered something that provided me with a tinge of guilt. Didn't I tell these people I'd go out with Officer Walsh at first light? From where I could see the sun, I knew I had broken that promise.

Not willing to waste anymore time, I forced my brain to be awake early. I didn't know why I cared, but I didn't want to seem unreliable to these people. I figured it was a survival thing. Valuable members of a tribe would never be cast out.

Walsh eyed me from where he sat around an unlit campfire, fork in a can of beans. Lori and their son sat around it too with their own food, the boy looking dissatisfied at what he had been given to eat. However plain and unappetizing this entre would have been before, it made my stomach growl. I knew I had been severely undernourished the past week. Anything would have inspired that tinge of hunger in me.

He looked down back at his beans as I approached him.

Our supplies had all but been stolen, and from the absence of Daryl and Merle in the camp, I could only assume that they were already going out to hunt what they could.

"Still plannin' on headin' out today?" I asked the police officer. "We'll grab more food too. Sure you don't want to be livin' on just beans and peaches forev... until we get airlifted out of here."

"Just like that, you're ready to roll? Don't waste no time wakin' yourself up?" he offered a weak grin.

"What should I do, comb my hair?" I joked. "I'm hungry. Everyone's hungry. I got cleaned out when we were watching the city get napalmed."

"Why didn't you say somethin', hun," Lori said, reaching underneath her camping chair and pulling out a can, offering it to me.

I accepted the woman's offer, observing the can to see that it was raviolis. The protein was great, but I wasn't so much looking forward to the raw experience.

"Nice and hot from the sun," Officer Walsh rasped as if reading my mind.

"Just the way I like it."

I popped the tab and Lori then offered me a plastic fork.

"I'm thinkin' we take my jeep," Shane said. "I'll clear everythin' out and leave enough space. Campin' supplies is our priority here, but we'll grab food and what we can while we're at it. It's a mall for God's sake. Who knows if we'll even be able to get in. Could be overrun."

"Exactly, Shane, it could be overrun," Lori looked over at him, worry written all over her face.

"I'll be fine," Shane assured her. "You guys will too. There's nothin' to worry about as long as you stick close to Paula and Lam. Ain't that right, little man?"

Shane reached over and ruffled the boy's hair, earning him a giggle.

I tugged on my pants, making it more comfortable for me to lean down to their heights, as they were all sitting as I stood.

"Misses Walsh," I began, but earned myself a perplexed look.

Okay, not the wife. The girlfriend?

"Oh, we're not, we're not married," she said, letting out a chuckle, as if she almost didn't believe my mistake. "My husband… is dead," the boy buried his face in his mom's leg from where he sat on the ground next to Shane and Lori. "Shane was his partner. It's Misses Grimes, but just call me Lori please. This is my son, Carl."

"I'm so sorry," I let out a nervous smile. "Misses Grimes, Lori. This man right here," I pointed to Shane, "is an officer of the law. He was trained to help and do what he can in a crisis situation. And there's a reason he chose a job like that. It's in his nature, okay? There's no one better to put your trust in than him right now. He's going to be just fine. I'll get him back in one piece."

Yes, a good part of that was bullshit. As in, a good number of cops didn't choose to be in the field for the right reasons, but I had to assume the best of Officer Walsh. I had no other choice right now.

"And what does that make you?" she asked me. "Why are you helpin'?"

It took me a moment to come up with what to say. "I just like to stay busy, I guess?"

"Alright then," she nodded. "Doesn't make me feel any better about this."

"You'll feel damn well good when we come back with somethin' better to sleep on!" Shane encouraged her.

I offered him a nod, letting him know that I was ready whenever he was. I didn't have much to bring but my revolver which didn't always leave its place in my belt even when I slept.

For now, I'd keep good on my promise to Dale and make myself known to everyone and make everyone known to me.

Speaking of Dale, I offered the old man a wave from where he was, perched up on his RV. He gave me a knowing look, and I couldn't help but feel like he'd listened into that conversation. Not that there was anything said that shouldn't be said. The guy was observant, that was all.

A little past the clearing and into the trees, I spotted the area where everyone seemed to have been setting up their tents. On the front end was a family I recognized from the road, a couple in their forties or fifties and a little blonde girl. The trio had their tent set up, a decent sized one, I'd guess meant for four or six even, and were now moving onto setting up some other contraptions- a clothesline from tree to tree. It seemed like they were adjusting well to the changes, preparing themselves a lot more than anyone else. While the little girl appeared shy and frightened, the parents, although somber, didn't hold that look of desperation on their faces the way the others did. I couldn't help but think that they were all each other had. They must have not lost much.

"How y'all doin' this mornin'?" I greeted.

"We're fine thank you," the woman said.

"My name is Joel," I'm sure they'd seen my yesterday, but it wouldn't hurt to introduce myself more formally. "I'm goin' to head out today lookin' for supplies. Is there anythin' you folks might need?"

The man laughed. "Not at all," his Georgian accent was strong. "I came prepared. Knew this was comin'. Maybe not the dead, but the end. Just didn't know when. I got everythin' I could need for me and my own."

So, he was one of those preppers I took it.

"Well, that's good to hear. Let me know if there's anythin' I can help y'all with in the future. What were your names?"

"Ed Peletier," he replied. "My wife girl, little girl, Sophia."

He gestured lazily towards the woman and girl, speaking up before either of them could. It was too quick to judge anyone, but I wasn't eager to trust this guy. Those apocalypse preppers tended to either be the worst or best types of people from what I knew.

"Well, it's nice to meet y'all, I'll see you around."

Tromping past the Peletiers, I made my way towards the other tents. I noticed that everyone else had seemingly set their tents up close to each other, as if to establish a community, regardless of the fact that I could presume most of them had only just met. The tents all faced a small fire pit, a few camping tables and chairs having been set up. Ahmad, Mia, and Sheila had joined the group of what seemed to be all adults as young as Glenn and up until their forties.

"Mornin' everyone," I boomed over the chatter, trying not to sound too authoritative. Some good mornings echoed back at me, some of them followed by my first name or Mister Dixon. "Seems as though y'all know my name but I'm at a loss for all of yours."

I first pointed towards Glenn's friend from the church van that I recognized, and he responded with, "folks call me T-Dog."

"Jacqui," said the middle-aged black woman next to him and Glenn.

"Sandra Stevens," a woman of lighter complexion answered, adjusting her glasses.

"That's Dr. Stevens to you though," T-Dog smiled. "Only doctor in our church."

"Oh, that won't be necessary," she said humbly.

"Eileen," a blonde woman introduced unenthusiastically.

"Haley," a young brunette in a baseball cap said.

"Rowan," she was in her late twenties or so with jet black hair and bright eyes.

"Jim," a tall lanky bearded man in overalls.

"Guillermo," a skinny Afro-Latino around Rowan's age.

"Felipe," a Hispanic guy in his thirties with a goatee and a bald head.

"Miguel," I had overlooked him originally, Glenn was not the youngest guy here. I didn't think this young Hispanic guy was even eighteen yet.

"Jorge," a Hispanic guy in his twenties wearing a black bandana.

"Well, it's nice to meet y'all, I hope you guys are doin' as well as you could in the throws of all this," this earned me some doubtful chuckles. "Listen, I'm goin' into town to collect supplies. Y'all have anythin' you need, let me know."

"I think anything at all would be useful," Jacqui spoke up. "It's hard to know now what we're gonna need later… and everything's so fresh for everyone right now."

"Alright," I nodded. "If anyone thinks of anything specific, find me before I head out."

"Will do," T-Dog affirmed.

There were a good number of people here, I couldn't remember if they were the last, but I knew that Dale had let that family stay in his RV, so it was in my best interest to introduce myself to them before I left.

I stomped back up the hill, past the Peletier tent back to the main clearing where I spotted Shane almost finished clearing out his jeep.

Dale was still sitting atop the RV, binoculars in hand, looking in all directions until he landed on me.

"Mornin' Dale," I called up. "You mind if I go into the camper and make myself known."

"Is that not what I was encouraging you to do," he smiled back down to me.

"Suppose so," I shrugged, opening the camper door once I'd arrived to it.

"Hello," I announced myself.

The Hispanic family sat around the table sharing some food, Andrea and Amy leaning up against the counter engaged in conversation with them. The floor of the camper was adorned with sleeping bags, and I could tell it had been a tight squeeze for everyone to sleep in here together.

"Good morning, Joel," Andrea sounded off, some voices following her.

"Just came to introduce myself, see if I can help in anyway or pick up anythin' specific for anyone when I'm in town," I replied. "Hopin' to get everyone's names."

"Morales," the man said, though I thought I'd remembered him introducing himself yesterday.

"Miranda," said his wife. "This is Eliza… and Louis."

"It's nice to meet y'all," I said once again to him, his wife, and children.

"Just those tents will really make a difference," Morales said. "I don't want to overstay our welcome here."

"Got it."

"Hey, I'm more than willing to come with if you need an extra hand," Morales offered.

I saw the unapproving look on his wife's face.

"There's only so much room in Officer Walsh's jeep, but I appreciate the offer."

"I'll get you another time then," he assured.

"Fair enough."

I was glad to be done with all of the repeated formalities, but I was pretty damn good with names, so it was nice to have a grasp on who everyone was and what their relation was to each other. Exiting the RV, I saw Shane completing the clearing out of his Jeep, leaving a bit more space than I was initially expecting.

"Ready?" Shane asked when he saw me.

"As I could be," I replied.

"Alright. Let's get this show on the road then," Shane gave the hood of his jeep an affectionate slap before climbing into the driver's seat.

I followed the man, taking the passenger seat as my own, looking at Lori continuing to shoot a disapproving look in his direction, Carl's being more of a look of worry as Shane drove off out of the Westside Reservoir Quarry towards the road.

"Said your goodbyes?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he sighed. "She ain't happy, but she'll deal with it. Someone's got to do it."

"Ain't gotta be you," I told him.

"Yeah, it does," he argued, one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting on the shift gear.

"I can handle myself out there," I informed him.

"No one should be runnin' off alone like that, man. No offence but don't be stupid. At least take one of your brothers with you. Better off bein' me though. I know what I'm doin'."

"My brothers do their own thing. Ran off into the woods on their own. Haven't seen 'em since yesterday."

"Ain't you worried?"

"Not at all," I chuckled. "Ain't none of these undead pricks got a chance against them."

"Wish I could say the same for everyone else. Should be twenty minutes there, twenty minutes back. Shouldn't take us too long to pack everythin' up if we're lucky. Let's hope we are."

"Twenty? Ain't no one's gonna be on these roads. We can get there in ten."

"Lori would kill me if she knew I was bein' reckless like that."

"She ain't your wife, is she?"

Shane shot me a sad look, and I'd regretted what I said. She was someone's wife. Shane's dead best friend.

The air that entered the roofless jeep stiffened once it hit the tension I'd created. I didn't know what to expect next. Would Shane call me out? Break down? Or would the rest of the car ride be nothing but this awkward silence? I was thinking it would be the lattermost.

"That she ain't," he said flatly, startling me a bit.

Shane placed both hands on the wheel firmly, a smirk on his face as he slammed down on the gas pedal, the wind whooshing loudly as it rushed against my face. All was pretty much clear until we hit the 285 and geeks littered the road, cars seemed to be suddenly stopped where they had been, no living people in sight. This didn't stop Shane though. He looked a bit worried but determined as he swerved through every opening he could see on the highway. I remained calm, but a level of anxiety was building in me at driving in such an open vehicle right past the dead. Getting back as fast as possible seemed to be what was most important to Shane at the moment I could see he didn't want to be away from Lori, Carl, or maybe even his friend, Lambert Kendall, for very long.

Eventually, we pulled off the highway. I didn't know the area, but I could see a mall ahead, and I assumed that this was the one that Glenn spoke of where we would find Dick's Sporting Goods. Sure enough, Dick's held its own entrance in the building in big letters we couldn't miss. Shane pulled up right to the front of the store. Parking spots were a thing of the past.

"Dick's usually has guns, too, right? Gotta be a lot of different things we can use in there," I hypothesized as I got out of the Jeep.

"Yeah, we don't know what to expect," Shane muttered as he grabbed his shotgun out of the back. "Keep your eyes open. Could be any number of them in there. We could be really unlucky, and this place already could've been picked apart."

"As long as there's somethin' left for us."

Shane and I stalked to the front door, and I tapped on the glass with my revolver to alert anything that might have been inside. No response. We might have been lucky. I tried for the handle which was unfortunately locked.

"Stand back," Shane advised to me, and I obliged.

He held up the butt of his shotgun and gave the door's glass one quick hit which barely made a crack.

He continued to make his cracks in the glass when I noticed something. A light on in the back of the store. The electricity was still running here.

"Shane, wait, Shane stop!" it was too late.

With one last swift slam, the glass broke, sounding off the alarm.

Panic spread across the cop's face, and I could see that he knew he had fucked us. He shook, his head in thought, pacing back and forth between the front door to the Jeep and back.

"We can't have wasted the gas!" he yelled, revealing a temper which I gave him a break for given the situation.

"We'll be quick then," I gave him no time to argue, as I rushed into the store.
From the far end, I could see geeks entering from where the store connected to the mall. This wasn't a good sign, and I had no way of knowing how many were heading our way, anyone of them for nearly a mile could hear the blaring alarm. It was hurting my ears even though the adrenaline was overcoming much of my senses.

I spotted the sign off to the right that said, 'CAMPING AND HIKING'. As quickly as I could, I made for that section until I got to the tents which was clear by the big set up displays. I had to admit, I was the first to hate setting up tents, but more so, putting them away. I could never fit them back in the bag they came in. I could almost call it good luck that we probably wouldn't be packing any of our stuff any time soon.

I knew that smaller tents would be less weight and less room, so I figured it better to gather a large amount of those rather than a few of the mega ones that camped ten or twelve people.

I opted for some bags that said, 'Quest Blackwater 4-Person Dome Tent,' slinging as many as I could over my shoulder. Peering around every once in a while, I checked to see how close the dead were getting to me until I noticed something missing. Shane. Had the asshole really left without me? Or maybe it wasn't that, maybe he was in trouble. I couldn't stay around and shop though, so I made a run for it back out of the store until I found myself back out at the Jeep. The good sign was that it was still here, the bad sign being that there was no sign of Shane. I threw the tents into the back. I'd feel like a real ass if I told Lori her friend would make it back safe, and he didn't. I wasn't ready to just leave him here.

I turned around back towards the store, when suddenly, the alarm stopped, and the rest of the lights went on. He had to have done that, right? Unless someone else was here which I highly doubted.

Now that the lights were on, I could clearly see Shane running across the store, and I took a few steps forward to see what the hell he was doing. We had the tents; shouldn't we just leave? Then it made sense. Shane hopped over a counter, the sign above it reading, 'Hunting and Guns.'

He had a plan. He had just failed to fill me in on it.

I then chased after him towards the counter where he was fidgeting with a key ring to open the display case of guns and ammo.

"We need these supplies," he said to me after I'd slid over the counter after him.

"How'd you turn the alarm off?" I questioned.

"Went to the back and found the code pad, cracked it easy enough."

"One, two, three, four?"

"Of course."

He grabbed some ammo out of the display case, loading his shotgun. As the dead advanced from inside of the mall, I held my stance and began firing from the revolver, Shane joining me shortly after.

It didn't take long for me to run out of ammo though, so I reached my hand in the display case, pulling out a desert eagle and the display clip they had set up neatly next to it, loading it in and continuing to fire into the herd.

I had to admit, this thing had much more of a kick than I was used to, and I had to calibrate my shots a little more carefully.

After Shane and I had almost emptied our clips, it looked as though we had cleared out the store of the living dead.

"That only bought us so much time," I said to the officer. "Gunshots are only goin' to bring more of 'em."

"Joel Dixon," Shane said. "I knew the name was one I'd heard before. Wasn't sure if it was you until I've seen how you handle yourself with a gun. I know who you are."

Of course he would.

"Look, I ain't nobody no more. I tried to fall off the face of the earth."

"What you did, I don't think it was entirely wrong- if I have the story straight, but I wouldn't have. You took the same oath as me. To serve and protect."

"That's exactly what I did. Just outside of what the law wanted."

"Obeyin' the law is part of the oath."

"What like you never step outside of your bounds? Abuse your power? I'm not accusin' you of anythin'. It's just that nobody's perfect. I don't regret what I did. What's it matter anymore anyway? Are you still a cop 'cause you believe in the law or because it's what's keepin' these people together, trustin' you?"

"Fair point," Shane nodded. "All I am anymore is a man with a family to protect. My best friend lost his life. I gotta make sure his family don't follow in those footsteps since he can't."

"So, let's just keep this whole thing between us. Nobody else who doesn't know about it needs to know about it. Sound good to you?"

"I ain't one to run my mouth. It's your business, man."

Once Shane and I had finished gathering ammo, gear, and anything else useful we could find that we could reasonably fit into the jeep, we took off back towards the camp, this time taking a different route which avoided the I-285 which we had seen to be a shit show.

Looking out the passenger window, my mind began to wander back to that place. Back to the past I had sought to forget.

XXXXX

I walked up to the front door of the house I had just been called into. Another domestic disturbance. It wasn't all that unusual for Blue Ridge, but this time it was a house I had been to time and time again. I was getting tired of it. I was getting tired of no one doing anything about Arthur Grant and what he did to his wife and kids.

I landed three loud raps against the door.

"Mister Grant, this is the police, open up!" No one replied. I knocked again. "Misses Grant, Mister Grant, open up!"

It was clear that no one was going to come to the door today. Without a search warrant, there was really nothing I could do- legally.

A teetering seesaw was my care for legality, admittedly, and it was all pushed over the edge when I heard the scream of Misses Grant almost shatter the living room window.

I had had enough. I drew my gun and with two strong kicks, removed the door from its hinges. The interior of the home greeted me with the bottom of a wide staircase where Misses Grant lied on the ground, clutching the body of her crying son, a boy who couldn't have been more than the age of six.

"What did you do, Arthur?!" Misses Grant screamed up at her husband. "Why would you do this to us? You would push him down the stairs?"

My eyes must have glazed over when they met Arthur's at the top of the stairs because I had never seen this pathetic excuse for a man scared in all of the times I had been called out here, but fear surely overcame his features at the sight of me, and he fled down the upstairs hall. Where he intended to go to evade me was anyone's guess.

I took off running up the stairs, feeling my pulse racing in every part of my body. Something about the scene was all too familiar to what I had experienced myself.

On top of the staircase, I caught Arthur fumbling with the doorknob at the end of the hall, but I wasn't about to let him so much as get into that room.

Without a second thought, I let one loose from my firearm into his spine, earning me a yowl as he fell to the ground. I knew what I was doing. If you hit the right part of the spine, the body would become paralyzed.

I tromped up to where he pathetically laid on the floor. He was speaking, but to this day, I don't remember what he was saying. Trying to tell me I couldn't do this or be here or something or the other. He wasn't wrong- legally. But I was here, and I was doing this.

I let my boot meet his skull, and the cracking sound it made would have made me sick to my stomach if I wasn't in the mental state that I was in.

Straddling him now, I raised my fist and let punch after punch into his already fractured skull. I wasn't sure how long I had been punching him for, but next thing I knew, I was being pulled off of him, and I became alerted to the police sirens sounding outside. These were my brothers in blue. I looked to my right to see Blake's disapproving gaze looking at me.

"Oh, Arthur," Misses Grant held her husband in her arms, as she had with her boy. "I'm so sorry this happened to you." Then she looked to me as the police pulled me away. "Damn you for what you've done!"

XXXXX

I had lost myself and Arthur Grant didn't make it. His son was paralyzed for a while because of being pushed down the stairs. Misses Grant and the State of Georgia pressed charges on me, and I'd landed twenty years in prison. Obviously, I'd gotten out. The charges had been dropped as my lawyer had been able to make it look as though I had done it in defense of the boy's life. But the two years I did spend behind bars were long ones. Misses Grant never forgave me.

Once we had pulled back up to camp, Lori's face was the first I'd noticed. She looked distressed but relieved to see Shane back safely, running to hug him when he got out of the car. When I followed, I wasn't met with the same enthusiasm, but dirty looks.

I didn't understand. What had happened?

"You need to keep your brother in line!" it was Andrea's voice who broke the silence.

"Am I his keeper?" I should have responded more nicely, but I couldn't help myself.

I was sure she was talking about the older of the two, but either way, they were both grown men.

"He came up in here, obviously on something, following me and Lori around incessantly trying to get someone to… to… to give him a goddamn blowjob! Not to mention trying to pick a fight with Dale and Morales!"

"Hold on, hold on, back it up here," I said to her. "I'm gonna need more than that."

"Son, I'm afraid it's as simple as that," Dale interjected. "Your brother, Merle was his name? Maybe he doesn't act like that normally, but he was high out of his mind! He was making people uncomfortable, making them feel threated."

"Where is he now?" I asked.

"Your other brother came and coaxed him back into the woods, but I got to say, he wasn't very nice to us about it either!"

"Daryl," I corrected, but I knew that Daryl wasn't going to just come up and introduce himself anyway.

"Yeah, I don't want anything to do with either of them anymore," Mia said.

"Then I'll go and find 'em, it won't be a problem no more," I told the group. "I'll see to it that they keep their space. Tents are in the Jeep. Thank you for all of your gratitude."

I stomped off towards the woods. If they circled back to camp today from their hunting trip, they couldn't have gone far. I wasn't much of a tracker like they were, but I'd naturally picked up a few things here and there.

"Hold up, hold up, Dixon!" Shane's voice stopped me as I was entering into the woods.

I turned around to see him offering me a few of the tents I'd looted.

"Thank you."

"That's not all," he retorted. "Right now, I think every alive is better off stickin' together. I ain't part of the law anymore, so there's not much I can do about your brothers."

"No there ain't. And don't even try. Leave it to me."

"Right. I'm fine with that. I'm just tellin' you. It's better if I don't go on anymore trips like that then. Lori is right. I need to stay with her and Carl. I need to do what Rick would want."

"Fair enough. I don't need no help out there. This ain't gonna be my last trip either."

"I'm glad you can understand."

I didn't stay to engage the situation any longer, just continued off into the woods, looking for signs that my brothers had walked through this area, following little cracks in the twigs and disturbances in the dirt.

"I'll be damned!" It was Merle's chuckled. "Joel here, almost, can track. Too bad we're better at it than you!"

I turned around to see Merle and Daryl standing behind me. Daryl stayed quiet, his crossbow in hand, but Merle on the other hand, was rolling on something, that was for sure. His hands were on his knees, and he was struggling to stand up.

"What the hell's wrong with y'all?" I asked.

"What's wrong with me?" Daryl barked. "Merle's the one goin' around eatin' any mushrooms he can find 'til somethin' got him high!"

"Are you dumb? Could've gotten yourself killed that way. And what happened back at camp?"

"My baby brother," Merle stumbled over to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and giving me a noogy. "I done a lot of things that could kill me, haven't died yet, and won't any time soon."

He nearly pulled me down when he lost his footing, and I wrapped an arm around his side to hold him up then looked back to Daryl for explanation.

"He got pissed when he saw Mia talkin' to those cholos. A little too friendly with their leader, Geronimo or what not."

"Guillermo."

"Whatever," Daryl replied. "He tried to get a lil revenge with some of the other women. Nobody was pickin' up what he was sellin'."

"Bunch of stuck up bitches is what they are!" Merle exclaimed.

"Well, thanks for bringin' him back out here. I know you ain't catchin' no game with him runnin' around like this."

"That's an understatement. Ain't gonna be catchin' nothin' for days 'cause of his dumbass. Chasin' everythin' that moves like a goddamn toddler."

"Well, I brought tents, might as well try to put the baby to bed."

"Fuck you, Joel!" he pushed himself off of me, and fell to the ground.

Yeah. The baby needed to be put to bed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

WORDS: 5496

So, now we're starting to reveal more of Joel's past. This was one of the very few things I did have planned out for Joel. He was always meant to be a former cop who went to prison for overstepping a law. Another thing to keep in mind, we aren't even a week into the apocalypse. If you're expecting Joel to already be some hardened killer, he's not really. This story his written to show day to day life in the apocalypse, given the Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, etc format. Character development is not going to happen fast. If that's not for you, you don't have to read. There's a specific reason why Joel feels the need to be a hero. He has things to make up for and people he doesn't want to be like. And let's remember, even Shane didn't kill anyone until a few months into the apocalypse in canon. And even then, it was to save his own life as well as Carl's however immoral the act may have been. I do feel like he is lacking as a character though, so I hope revealing this part of his past will help add more dimensions to him. Shane was the catalyst for this part of his past. I have another character in mind who will trigger another past memory.