Chapter 15

When Doug and Carol finally burst into Carter's hospital room, Mark was there with a couple of nurses all bustling around Carter.

Doug immediately knew it wasn't good. The way they rushed around frantically, their expressions strained, and Carter's machines beeping rapidly.

"Mark?" Doug demanded rushing straight over to Carter to look down at him, not liking his pale sweaty face and shaking body; "How is he?"

"Not good." Mark said with a tired sigh; "Like I said on the phone, he's got a post op infection to his incision site."

Doug moved to slip on some gloves and see for himself, swearing at the sight of it.

Carol frowned as she ran a hand through Carter's hair, touching his forehead; "He's really hot Doug."

"He's got a pretty bad fever." Mark nodded gravely; "104 and rising. We're doing everything we can to get it down, and we're pumping him full of antibiotics but..."

"But it's not working." Doug concluded shaking his head, snatching the chart from Mark; "Dammit. How long has he been like this?"

"Half an hour ago he showed the first signs, vomiting, shaking and delirious. I called you as soon as I found out about the infection."

Doug nodded at Mark, trying to squash his anger towards Mark. It wasn't his fault. And he did everything that he would have done for Carter. He was trying to help him. They all were. They needed to work together if they were going to save Carter.

"What do we do now?" Carol murmured looking between them and down at Carter.

Mark sighed; "Post op infections aren't uncommon, and usually very treatable. Unfortunately, in Carter's case his pneumonia and head injury are making things more difficult. He was already in bad shape and now this. He may not be strong enough to get through this."

"He could die." Doug explained meeting her gaze and Carol gasped horrified. Looking down at Carter she felt her eyes tearing up. This couldn't be happening. Just a few hours ago, Carter had been fine. Now this...It just wasn't fair.

"There must be something we can do." Carol insisted; "To help him."

"We're already doing everything we can." Mark said gently; "The rest is up to Carter."

"He's strong. He'll get through this." Doug insisted; "He has to."

All three paused to look at Carter with both worry and desperation. All feeling helpless, they were great doctors but medicine only went so far. The body had to fight off the infection itself. It just depended on whether Carter was strong enough to make it through it.

0o0o0oooERo0o0oo0oo

His whole body ached. And he felt so cold, it felt like he was lying in a freezer. His body was wracked with shivers. Then there was his head. It was pounding something fierce. And with each stabbing pain, he felt a wave of nausea.

"...Carter..? ...Hear me?"

A voice was calling out to him, but it was muffled, like he was underwater. They sounded so far away, and Carter was surrounded by darkness. He tried to wake up, honing in on the voice to try and break free of the darkness, but it was too strong. And he was too weak.

"CARTER!" Another voice said scared, and it made him scared. Something was wrong? He fought harder to wake up.

And instantly was hit with searing pain in his abdomen and all over. His head felt like it was going to explode and he was hit with a wave of nausea. This time he couldn't squash it. He was barely conscious when he felt himself throwing up.

Thankfully, someone was with him. He felt hands quickly lifting him up, and a basin was shoved under him as he threw up. He tried to stop it, but his body was turning against him. He was powerless as he just kept retching. It made his head spin, and the sharp pain increased. Eyes flickering open briefly, he looked through half lidded eyes as blurry blobs and bright lights seared across his eyes. There was a stabbing pain behind his eyes as a result. He whimpered, slamming his eyes shut, suddenly feeling tears falling down his face.

Finally, he was able to stop throwing up, and he sucked in a breath of air that he realised he desperately needed. But it wasn't enough. And finally he let the darkness tug him back. He fell limp in the person's arms. As he was drifting off, he vaguely felt himself being laid back down, and an oxygen mask being pushed over his face. There were the voices again, he didn't know what they were saying. But from their tones, he knew it wasn't good. He probably should have tried to stay awake to listen more, to be more concerned, but the darkness was too inviting. And he was just too tired. All he wanted to do was sleep...

0o0o0oooERo0o0o0ooo

"I think we all need to prepare ourselves." Peter murmured quietly as he stood at the foot of Carter's bed, arms crossed and staring desperately at Carter, as if he could stare the man awake.

Doug and Mark on either side of Carter's bed turned to look at him with shock and horror. Mark was pushing some more antibiotics into Carter as Doug was checking his vitals. But they immediately stopped to look at Peter.

"Prepare ourselves for what?!" Doug snapped narrowing his eyes. But Mark just shared a look with Peter, realising what Peter was saying. And as much as he hated to agree, really really hated, because he just couldn't imagine losing Carter...they may not have any choice in the matter.

"Doug." Mark said softly turning to him, his arms dropping and he sighed; "Peter may be right. We may have to prepare for the fact that Carter is going to..."

"No!" Doug exclaimed raising a hand; "Don't say it."

"Doug."

"No! Carter is not dying you here me! He can't die. He's going to be fine it's just..."

"Doug." One word and Doug's words died in his mouth as he met Mark's gaze.

"Look at him Doug." Mark whispered resting a hand on Carter's shoulder as he looked down at the resident too. Carter's skin was so pale he looked like a ghost, and he was all clammy and sweaty. His eyes were sunken. His temperature was now at 105 and not budging. The pneumonia was acting up again, meaning he couldn't breath on his own and was now back on a vent. The infection at his incision site was still going strong, no matter how many antibiotics they pumped into him, nothing changed. Instead of getting better he was getting worse.

He'd been constantly shaking, and throwing up. So delirious he would just wake up momentarily to mumble incoherent sentences before throwing up and passing out again. It was terrifying and horrifying to watch, especially when it was someone you knew and cared about. It made them feel so powerless and useless unable to help Carter through it.

"It's been two days." Peter said sadly; "He's shown no sign of improvement. He's declining more and more. I think we need to face facts. Carter isn't going to come back from this one. We all know that patients without a support system are more likely to develop complications or worse. His family abandoned him, maybe Carter's just given up. We have to think about his quality of life here. He's in pain. He's suffering." Mark's own face became pained as he thought about how much Carter had to be hurting right now. And all he wanted to do was make that pain stop for him.

"How can you say that?" Doug whispered, resting his hands on the railing of the bed, clutching it in a vice grip to resist hitting something or someone; "How can you both give up on him?!"

"Doug we're not giving up." Mark said simply; "We're doing everything we can. But what more can we do?"

"Anything. Everything! Carter is one of us! We can't just let him die! We keep trying until we find a way to save him."

"Doug..."

"Carter wouldn't give up on us."

That made the room fall silent.

Doug swept his eyes between Peter and Mark realising he had them; "If things were reversed, and it was one of us in this bed, Carter wouldn't give up on us. And you know it. He'd research and think of one of his crazy out of the box solution to save us. That's who he is! He doesn't give up on any of his patients. Ever! Even if there seems to be no hope. He risks his life to save a bunch of kids who leave him for dead, and still he'd do it again. His own family threaten to cut him off if he stops being a doctor, but he refuses because he's devoted his life to saving other people. His family abandon him and still he won't stop trying to help people. He's still fighting. Look at him! He's still alive! He's holding on. Because he's a fighter, he's strong. And he needs us. We're his support system. We're all he has! And I am sure as hell not going to give up on him. I don't care how long I have to sit here, or what I have to do. I'm not going to let him die. Are you?"

There was deafening silence, the only sounds in the room coming from the hissing and beeping from the vent and heart monitor indicating Carter was still alive.

"I'm with Doug."

They turned to see Carol standing in the doorway, arms crossed tears in her eyes. She moved to Doug's side and took his hand; "Carter would find a way. We have to as well. We're a family here. We're his family. And family don't give up on each other."

Doug nodded gratefully at Carol before turning hopefully to Mark.

Finally, a small smile graced Mark's lips; "You're right. Carter wouldn't give up on us. We can't on him."

Peter hesitated before sighing and nodded; "Ok. For Carter we don't give up." He straightened up and turned to a nurse; "Run his labs and crit again. Run every test we can think of. We need options and we need them fast. We're going to save Carter's life."

"Yes we are." Doug grinned and kissed Carol before turning to Carter. He rested a hand on Carter's head, a small glimmer of hope welling up inside him; "Just hold on Carter. Hold on. We got you. We're here for you and we're going to save you. Just hold on. Fight."

0o0o0o0o0ERo0o0o0ooo

"Hold on...we got you...we're going to save you...Just hold on...fight."

Carter heard someone speaking to him through the fog. He recognised the voice, knew it was friendly, but couldn't place it...

Everything was a muddle and fuzzy. It was like his head was full of cotton candy and his body was full of lead. There was unbelievable pain throughout his whole body, which hurt so much he just wanted to give into the darkness and hope it would stop.

He tried to cling to the voice and push through the darkness. But when the voice stopped he lost hold of them and the darkness surrounded him again.

So tired he gave into it...

Suddenly, there was a bright light around him. And he found himself drawn to it.

Carter finally blinked his eyes open and found himself staring at a familiar hospital ceiling.

Frowning, he sat up and looked around, seeing he was in one of the exam rooms in the ER. But aside from the bed he was laying on, there was nothing. No machines, no other beds, no instrument trays...no people either.

And as he looked down at himself he saw he was in his suit and lab coat. No injuries. But wasn't he hurt?

He wasn't sure...his memory was fuzzy, everything seemed off. Displaced.

And the pain was gone. In fact he didn't feel anything...at all. No sensation at all in his body. It was like everything was disjointed.

He raised his hands and wiggled his fingers but felt nothing.

What was happening to him? Was he dead?

The thought terrified him. He didn't want to die...

He wasn't ready. There were so many people he had to help. He'd barely lived his life.

Suddenly, there was the sound of voices talking outside in the hallway. Carter snapped his head towards them, hope welling. They sounded familiar.

Jumping off the bed, Carter raced into the hall and into the ER. The voices got louder...

"...temperature still too high...need cooling blankets...antibiotics not working..."

"Can't give up...try something else."

Carter edged towards the doctors lounge where the voices were coming from.

Carter? Carter can you hear me?" There was a female voice now, one soft and friendly and one that calmed Carter; "Carter it's Carol. I'm not sure if you can hear me, but well I hope you can. And Doug says it was worth a try, that if we keep talking to you you'll keep fighting. And you have to keep fighting Carter. You have to hold on. We're all here for you. Me, Doug, Mark, Peter...everyone. We're all here for you, and we need you to wake up ok? We need you Carter. We love you Carter."

Carter found himself walking towards the doctors lounge without thinking.

Just as he was about to push open the doctors lounge door, there was the sound of a child laughing and he turned startled just as a young boy raced past him and through the ER doors to outside.

Immediately, the voices in the doctors lounge were forgotten as Carter was soon following the boy outside and into the blinding light.

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"We love you Carter. Hold on." Carol whispered again as she brushed a hand through his hair. Searching his face and the monitors for any sign he heard her.

But there wasn't even a minor change in vitals.

Biting her lip, Carol squeezed Carter's limp cold hand, hoping for a response. But again there was nothing. Her heart plummeted. She agreed with Doug that they couldn't give up on Carter, that they would find a way to save him. But seeing him like this, so weak, so ill, it was horrible to watch.

A hand rested on her shoulder, and she looked up seeing Doug standing beside her. He offered her a small knowing smile; "Don't give up hope. He's still fighting."

"I know it's just..." Carol sighed brushing Carter's sweaty hair from his face.

"What?" Doug asked pulling a stool to sit beside her.

"It's...heart breaking to see him like this." She whispered, tears slipping down her face that she didn't have the heart to wipe away.

"I know." Doug murmured gruffly, covering her hand holding Carter's; "But we have to stay strong. For Carter."

"How do you do it?" Carol shook her head turning to him; "I agree with you we can't give up. But how do you still have hope, how do you still have so much faith?"

Doug simply smiled; "Carter."

Carol frowned; "I don't understand."

"I believe in Carter Carol. I have faith and hope, because I believe in him. He's strong, and a fighter. I've seen him with his patients and being here every day, and how dedicated and strong he is. I've never seen anything like it. He's an inspiration and I just know he's going to make it through this. He just needs some help."

"I hope you're right Doug."

"Me too." Doug murmured quietly under his breath. It was true he had faith in Carter, he just had this gut feeling Carter would be fine. But still...there was this pit in his stomach of doubt, that kept asking. What if Peter and Mark were right? What if Carter has given up? If he'd given up, no matter how hard they fought for him, it may be for nothing...

Doug hoped somehow Carter could hear them, and if he could, they had to keep talking to him. To let him know they were there for him, that they cared about him. That he wasn't alone.

"Keep talking to him Carol. He needs to know he isn't alone. It gives him more reason to fight."

As soon as Doug stood, everything went to hell. Beeping went up all around the room as every machine went haywire. Carter's vitals plummeted. His heart rate dropped, his breathing was failing, and his temperature rose.

"Doug!" Carol said in alarm. Doug sprung into action, rushing around the room.

"Get Mark and Peter in here now!"

"Come on Carter. Hold on. Hold on!"

0o0o0o0oERo0o0oooo

Carter blinked against the blinding light, and finally as his vision cleared. He found himself in a familiar looking house. It was his parents house. A large lavish mansion. Which whilst full of stuff, was nothing but cold and heartless inside. It had never felt like home for Carter. Not just because they travelled a lot. But because it never felt like a home, more like a lavish hotel. Especially because he wasn't allowed to touch anything or do anything...

As soon as he was old enough he left. What was he doing back now? Was this hell? It felt like it.

"John! There you are!"

Carter turned startled at the voice, and gasped. His legs nearly giving out as he saw Bobby standing in front of him. Short, but actually fairly tall for a 10 year old. With floppy, curly brown hair. A few freckles, and wearing shorts and a sweater.

Carter was speechless. He'd dreamt many many times about seeing Bobby again. Dreamt about talking to him again. Just last one time. But he'd always woken up...it had never felt real. But here and now...it felt so real. But there was no way it could be.

"Bobby?" Carter whispered both fearfully and hopefully; "Is that really you?"

"Of course it's me. Come on little bro mom and dad are out. Let's play!" With that Bobby raced off. Terrified of losing him again, Carter ran after him.

Soon adult Carter was replaced by young 8 old Carter. Laughing and smiling as he played tag with Bobby. His best friend and older brother. All memories of his older life forgotten...

In a flash they were playing in Bobby's bedroom with his dinosaurs.

"This is fun!" Carter beamed as he smiled at Bobby; "I wish we could play like this forever."

"Me too. But you can't stay here John." Bobby said with a smile, his tone casual, but it was like a bucket of ice water was thrown over him. He snapped his head up to Bobby.

"What? Why not? You don't want me in your room anymore? I thought we were brothers. Best friends."

"I don't mean my room John. I mean here. This place." Bobby looked at Carter sadly; "It's time for you to go back. You need to wake up."

A vague memory of his real life hit him, and he tried to push it away; "No I want to stay." He couldn't bare losing Bobby again. It had nearly killed him the first time, he couldn't handle it again.

"John you don't belong here. It's not your time."

"I...I don't understand. I just want to stay with you. I can't lose you again. I...I'm all alone."

Bobby stared at him for a moment; "I miss you too little brother. But you're not alone. I'm always with you. As your older brother I have to keep an eye on you little brother. Not that you need me to though. You've made a good life for yourself John. A doctor, that's amazing. You've helped so many people, and you're going to help so many more."

"I couldn't help you." Carter mumbled under his breath suddenly an adult again, looking down at his lap.

"You weren't meant to save me John. I'm the big brother, it's not your job. There was nothing you could do for me. You have to accept that John."

But Carter couldn't...he just couldn't let it go.

"I'm not going back. I can't."

"John!" Bobby's eyes widened; "You have to. I wasn't meant to come here as it is, but I wanted to see you. I felt like we needed to see each other. But it's only temporarily. You're not allowed to stay here John."

"I don't care." Carter knew he sounded like a child, but he didn't care. For years he had prayed for this moment, and he wasn't going to let it slip away.

"John you have to go back. There are people who need you. Your friends, your patients."

"What about what I need? I need you. You're all I have Bobby! You don't know what's happened with mom and dad..."

"I do John." Bobby said with a sigh shaking his head; "And I'm sorry John. I really am. But it's their loss. If they can't see the amazing person you've become. But there are people who do, people who care about you back at the hospital. People who are waiting for you to wake up. Think about how they'd feel if you didn't wake up. If you..." Bobby trailed off but Carter got the message, and he looked away torn and ashamed. He thought about Doug, and Mark, and Carol and Peter and felt guilty. They'd taken care of him, they were treating him, waiting for him to wake up. They were fighting for him... But Carter wasn't ready to say goodbye...

"John it's ok." Bobby reached over to touch his arm; "It's ok to let people in."

"What?" Carter frowned deeply in confusion.

"I know it's my fault. Because I left you. And mom and dad's too for how they treated you. It's why you keep people at arms length. Why you push people away. But it's ok to let people in John. You deserve to be happy, to have a family again."

Carter had no idea what he was talking about. He didn't push people away. Did he? And he was happy. Wasn't he?

"It's time John. Just remember you deserve to be happy. And your friends, they really care about you. Don't push them away. You need them, and they need you."

"I don't understand..."

"You will." Bobby smiled at him; "You're going to be ok John. Just remember that you deserve to be happy, and have a family. Now you have to go back."

"What about you?" Carter whispered, afraid to say goodbye. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't say goodbye when he'd finally got his brother back.

"I'll be fine John. I'm happy. Where I am it's a good place." Bobby assured his little brother; "I've moved on. You need to as well."

The problem was Carter wasn't sure he could...

Bobby was all he had in life, and he lost him. He had no one else. And he wasn't sure he could lose him again.

Suddenly, a bright light outside the window got brighter and brighter until it blinded Carter.

"No wait!" Carter said covering his eyes as he tried to look at his brother. He wasn't ready to say goodbye; "Bobby!"

"I love you little brother remember that. And know you aren't alone. Family is closer than you think."

White light engulfed Carter, and just before he was engulfed into nothing he heard voices calling his name.

"Carter! Carter hold on!"