Chapter 17

Carter was so tired. Exhausted and overwhelmed. This was all just so much, he was struggling to wrap his head around everything. But he was too scared to sleep. Scared he may not wake up. Nearly dying had really shaken him.

The fact he had almost lost his life so easily, so quickly, it left him reeling. There was so much he had almost lost. And he'd been powerless to save himself. But what hurt the most was his so called family not even caring to check on him whilst he was sick, and almost dying. They knew he could die, that he did die, and yet they didn't even both calling to check on him, let alone come visit him. And that pissed him off yes, but mostly it just hurt. Like a gaping hole in his chest where his heart should be hurt. And made him very very sad and alone.

It was December the 21st. Christmas was in a few days. And being so close to Christmas made Carter feel even more solemn and alone.

He knew his family weren't big on Christmas, and neither was he, but this was supposed to be the season for family. And they were still family. Even if they were fighting. They couldn't be serious about him not being a Carter anymore, just because he was a doctor. No he knew his parents, he knew this was a test by his father. A threat to make him cave. Once they saw he was serious about staying a doctor surely they would calm down. He was their son! They couldn't stay mad forever.

Carter was stable now at least. Mark, Doug, Peter and Carol had been by a few more times to run numerous tests. Trying to offer reassurance that he was recovering. His vitals had stabilised. His pneumonia was almost gone, his concussion was healing, and his broken bones were on the mends. So that was good at least...but the four of them had tried to talk to him numerous times when they visited. Asking if he was ok...how he was coping with everything...it just made him want to run far away. There was no way he was confessing his thoughts and feelings to them over this. They wouldn't understand. And they were already looking at him like he was a china doll about to shatter. Even if he was inches away from having a breakdown, their concern was just making him feel worse. He couldn't handle it right now. Their pity and fake concern. They were only concerned as his doctors, not his friend...not family...and he didn't need or want that. Not if it was out of some sense of guilt or obligation.

They weren't his family, even if he wanted them to be. Why was it no one wanted him?

0o0o0oo0ERo0o0o0o0o

Carter needed to talk to his family.

As he sat in bed all day sulking and thinking, one thing kept coming back. He needed to talk to his parents, to his family to find out what was going on. They couldn't just ignore him like this. It wasn't right. And he needed answers.

Thankfully, he was already alone so he didn't have to make an excuse to Mark or Doug to give him some peace.

Taking a deep breath as he pulled open his phone, he dialled his parents first.

His heart racing in anticipation and anxiousness at what they were going to say. Which only got worse when the phone didn't even ring, but went straight to voicemail.

Frowning in confusion and disappointment, he pulled back and stared at the phone dumbly. Her mom's phone must be off...

Carter tried his dad.

With the same result.

Along with every other member of his family.

Was it his phone? Was there something wrong with his phone? There had to be. They couldn't all have their phones off. They always had them on, and on them, because of business and the Carter foundation. So they had to be actively ignoring him...wait...did they block his number? No it couldn't be...

Carter tried again, over and over again. With the same result. Finally, anger took over and he left some pretty choice messages for them expressing his hurt over them abandoning and ignoring him like that. That would surely light a fire under them to talk to him.

For the next hour he sat there glaring at his phone, dialling his family over and over, and waiting.

Just as he was about to give up. His phone finally rung.

He answered it before it got past the first ring.

"Dad?" Carter said hopefully.

There was a moment of silence on the phone.

"No Mr Carter it is me."

"Rosa?" Carter frowned deeply in confusion and disappointment. It was his grandmothers housekeeper; "Um I'm sorry. I'm trying to reach my parents. Or my grandparents. Maybe both." He rubbed his forehead getting a headache with all this stress trying to contact them; "I've left messages for them, but they aren't returning my calls. Do you know how I can reach them?"

Again there was another period of silence.

"That is why I'm calling Mr Carter."

"I'm sorry. I don't understand." Maybe his pain meds were messing with his head, because he wasn't following what was happening; "Wait why are you calling me Rosa?" This had never happened before.

"I am meant to talk to you Mr Carter. You father asked it of me." Rosa sounded strange, very anxious and nervous to talk to him. And his dad had Rosa talk to him? What the hell. He couldn't bother to call him himself?!

"What's going on Rosa?" Carter asked apprehensively.

"I um...I am to tell you." Rosa hesitated and Carter felt terrible for her. She must feel so awkward and guilty that she had to tell him whatever this was. It was so wrong for of his dad to put his in this position. She didn't deserve to be in the middle of this; "Your family got your messages and I..."

"Wait. What?" Carter interrupted impatiently; "They did?" There was that feeling of betrayal and hurt again, and outright shock. They got his messages but they ignored them, ignored him! His own family. How could they do that to him.

"Yes Mr Carter." Rosa said slowly and anxiously; "I am to tell you...They are sorry they cannot speak to you. They are all away on the cruise and are very busy. They send their regrets they cannot return your calls at the moment."

"They send their regrets?" Carter repeated in disbelief, and scoffed. They were talking to him using press conference legal jargon, like he was some stranger and not a family member. It was unbelievable.

"Yes Mr Carter. I am sorry."

"It's not your fault Rosa." Carter sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose, suddenly feeling lightheaded like he was going to be sick. But he couldn't break down right now, not over the phone to Rosa, and not right now. If he did...he wasn't sure he'd come back from it; "You never should have been put in this position. I'm the one whose sorry. This is my family drama. And I know you're trying to spare my feelings and tell me delicately, but I get it. This is code in my family for them not wanting to talk to me. Right?

Rosa didn't answer, but he just took her silence as confirmation.

"I sorry Mr Carter." She whispered.

Carter closed his eyes, a hole burning in his heart full of rage and pain.

"Don't apologise Rosa. It's not your fault...it's mine. This is all my fault..." Carter replied his voice breaking as the realisation hit him. This was all his fault because he chose being a doctor over his family. Now they wouldn't talk to him. He'd ruined everything.

"There...Mr Carter there was something else I am to tell you."

Great what now?

"Yes Rosa?"

"I do not know how to tell you." Rosa sounded especially nervous and emotional about whatever it was. It made Carter terrified at what it might be.

"What is it?" He asked fearfully not sure he wanted to know at this point. But then whatever it could be couldn't be worse than everything else he'd gone through could it?

"You are not to call anymore."

"I'm sorry?" Carter's heart literally skipped a beat to here that, in devastation and shock.

"I am to tell you that you must not call anymore, or visit."

"Wait...what?" Carter's brow formed a deep v in concentration; "Are you...are you saying that my father told you to tell me I can't call them anymore?"

"No Mr Carter."

Oh thank god.

"Your mother did."

What the hell?!

"And your grandmother and your father. They all do not wish to speak to you. And said you were not allowed to call them. Or come here in person. You are not to communicate with them anymore at all."

Carter was gobsmacked he actually gaped. They actually said that?

"I'm...I'm not allowed to call or see them anymore?" Carter repeated in a whisper too shocked to even be able to process the words or what that meant; "They actually said that?"

"I very sorry Mr Carter. I am only repeating the message."

Carter knew he shouldn't take his anger out on her, she was just the messenger, but he was just too angry and upset.

"This is unbelievable! Who the hell do they think they are? They actually told you to tell me I'm not allowed to call them or come to the house anymore? Are they too cowardly to tell me this themselves?!" He exclaimed full of hurt and rage it was impossible to stop the outburst.

"You are not a Carter anymore."

Every part of him just froze at that statement; "What?" He gasped.

"That is what your family said." Rosa said so fast in one breath he almost missed what she said; "When they told me to relay the message. They say you are not a Carter anymore, no longer in the family so you must not call or visit anymore."

Carter was left speechless. He was actually speechless. And in that moment he felt his heart breaking. His parents really didn't care about him anymore...

0o0o0oo0ERo0o0oooo0o

Mark and Doug had tried to talk to Carter many times the past few days, but he'd shut them down immediately indicating he was fine and didn't want to talk. They tried to give him space and time to process everything, but enough was enough. They were worried about him, and they needed to have a talk to him. He was pushing them away trying to deal with this alone, and he wasn't alone.

They were surprised though when they entered his room finding him on the phone.

"I see." Carter replied, his voice emotional as he picked at the blanket with his free bandaged hand. Not noticing Mark and Doug in the room. The two men shared a concerned glance seeing Carter upset.

"I am truly sorry Mr Carter. You are good man. I see that. You have always been kind to me. I'm sorry to say these things to you. Truly..."

"You have nothing to apologise for Rosa." Carter replied monotonously like a robot, his eyes staring into space, not even fully aware of what was happening. He just felt numb all over, inside and out.

"I liked your family, they had been good to me. Until now...I...may be out of turn, but what they do to you is wrong...I quit for you."

Carter's eyes widened in panic. He couldn't ruin another person's life; "No no Rosa." He rubbed his forehead feeling the pressure behind his eyes getting worse; "Don't do that for me. You need the job, and this has nothing to do with you. You shouldn't suffer because of me. But thank you for offering."

"Are you sure Mr Carter? Are you ok?"

It was then Carter noticed Mark and Doug hovering around his bed, checking his monitors and eyeing him intensely. He was suddenly wary about how much they heard, and what he would say next. He didn't want them to know what was happening. They already pitied him enough.

"I'm fine. I have to go Rosa...thank you." And he quickly hung up staring at the phone blankly. It was like his mind was just shutting down, so overwhelmed with everything. Nearly dying, his family ignoring him, Bobby...and now them totally shutting him out and abandoning him. How had his life gotten so messed up in the space of a few weeks? He'd lost...everything...

"Carter? You ok?" Doug asked after a moment of there watching Carter staring into space with a far off lost expression. He shared a worried look with Mark; "Who was on the phone?"

Carter didn't even acknowledge he heard them, and just continued staring into space.

Mark raised an eyebrow, and shot a look at Doug before edging closer; "Carter?" He said louder.

In response Carter jolted as if electrocuted, and shot his head up startled to see them as if he forgot or didn't know they were there.

"What?" Carter furrowed his brow looking numbly at Mark.

"You ok Carter?" Mark asked slowly eyeing the vital machine apprehensively seeing Carter's heart rate was rather high, and his oxygen was rather low. Something was up.

Staring at him unblinking, Carter was so lost in thought and hurt he didn't even process Mark has said something. He shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment, and then looked at Mark again.

"Sorry what did you say?"

Doug shot Mark a panicked look. Something was very wrong with Carter.

"I asked if you were ok Carter." Mark repeatedly softly sending him a friendly smile; "Are you?"

"Yeah yeah I'm fine." Carter looked down quickly as he juggled the phone in his hand that he only just realised were shaking. He hoped they didn't notice but he was sure they did. And that's when it hit him, he was just so tired. So tired of lying to them, so tired of trying to appear strong and ok when he wasn't. Tired of dealing with everything alone. Tired of being alone...except that's what he was...Alone; "No...you know what." He shook his head and sighed heavily rubbing his forehead; "No I'm not ok."

Immediately tensing, Doug quickly pulled a stool over to sit down as Mark did the same on the other side of the bed.

"That's ok. You know it's ok not to be ok." Doug murmured softly, resting his arms on the railing to study Carter.

Hesitantly, Carter turned to him with sad eyes. Fearing he will see pity in his eyes, but instead he saw concern and compassion in both of their eyes. It was...nice.

"You know you can talk to us Carter." Mark continued leaning forward; "We're here for you. We're your friends. Not just your doctors." He said firmly knowing how Carter mistook what Peter said before.

"We care about you Carter." Doug added sending him a warm smile because it became serious; "I...we," He corrected gesturing at Mark; "We know you're dealing with a lot right now. And we probably don't understand everything you're going through, especially with your family. And whilst we may not be blood, we are like your family here too. Whether you want us to be or not."

Carter wanted to believe them so much, that he wasn't alone. That they did care. But after his own family abandoned him...he just didn't feel like he deserved their concern and care.

He couldn't take their concern right now and he turned away silently. His emotions hitting him in waves of anger, sadness, pain, loss, hurt...And it was all just too much.

Doug and Mark watched Carter worriedly for a moment, and Doug eyed the phone he was holding in his shaking hands. He was holding it so tight his knuckles were white, and he was going to break it if he kept going.

"Carter. Who was on the phone?" He could just sense that whatever upset Carter was because of the phone call.

At first Carter didn't answer, but then he murmured.

"Rosa."

"Rosa?" Mark frowned; "Whose Rosa?"

"She's...she's my grandmother's housekeeper. Our family housekeeper. She's been with the family ever since I was born."

Doug's eyebrow went up in confusion; "Okayy..." He drawled not following, but didn't like the connection to his family. They'd hurt Carter enough, he'd make them pay if they hurt him again.

"Why were you talking to her Carter?" Mark prompted.

"I..." Sighing heavily, Carter tried to think of an excuse, to get them to back off. But he was just too tired and muddled to think of one. And too angry to care about defending his family; "I was trying to reach my family. My parents...my grandmother..." He looked down at his hands ashamed, just knowing they were looking at him with disappointment; "I just...wanted to talk to them. You know it's Christmas and a time for family...and well I thought they might have a change of heart. I thought they couldn't stay mad for ever right?"

Mark sent a sad look at Doug, full of understanding.

"Oh Carter." Doug murmured looking sympathetically at Carter.

"I know pathetic right." Carter chuckled wryly.

"It's not pathetic Carter." Mark replied instantly.

"It's human." Doug corrected; "They're your family Carter. Of course you want to talk to them, to connect with them. I get it. Look I've been in a similar situation myself. My dad abandoned me and my mom when I was just a kid. I was hurt and betrayed and so angry. I held onto that for years, telling myself I never wanted to see him again. But when he showed up a year ago, claiming he wanted to make amends and be my dad again." Doug shrugged; "Well as much as my head warned me not to fall for it, my heart yearned to have my dad back. It's only natural to want family Carter."

"What happened with your dad?" Carter asked hesitantly looking slowly at Doug.

Doug scoffed; "My dad did what my dad does. He left. So cut to me alone at a baseball game waiting for him to show which he never did. Haven't seen him since."

"So..." Carter looked skyward; "The point of that story is...family sucks and will always let you down?"

"No." Doug said sharply; "I'm saying that it's only natural to want family, even if they hurt you."

"Don't you regret letting your dad in again considering how he hurt you again?"

"Sometimes yeah." Doug shrugged; "But it gave me closure. I've always wondered if he left because of me, if I did something as a kid to push him away. But seeing him again as an adult, and who he really is. I realise it was all him. Not me. He's the screw up whose always running from commitment and people. And it meant I can finally move on. The point is Carter, you've done nothing wrong, and you shouldn't blame yourself. Whatever your family do or don't do, it's nothing to do with you."

Carter looked at him and just snorted; "Well thanks for the great pep talk or whatever, but you're wrong."

Doug frowned; "Carter..."

"Doug's right. This isn't your fault Carter."

"Yes it is!" Carter snapped; "It's all my fault!"

"Carter. You don't know that. Of course it's not."

"Yes I do." Carter said with finality sending them a sharp look not to argue; "They wouldn't take my calls."

"What?" Doug blinked confused.

"My family." Carter said bitterly realising he couldn't really keep calling them that anymore; "I kept calling them, and left messages. But they never got back to me. The calls kept going straight to voicemail."

"Well that doesn't necessarily mean anything." Mark hedged; "They're on that cruise right? Maybe there's just no signal. Or they're just too busy to check the phone." He offered hoping it would make Carter feel better.

"Oh they're busy alright." Carter barked laughing darkly; "Too busy to talk to their own son they actually send a message through Rosa."

"Wait...this housekeeper called with a message from your family?" Doug said trying to follow what Carter was trying to say. And he was shocked to hear that; "Well what was the message?"

Carter stiffened, terrified to admit the truth to Mark and Doug, but he was too angry to think over it fully that the words were slipping out before he could stop them.

"Oh you know nothing important," Carter said flippantly with a shrug; "Just that I'm not allowed to call them or see ever again because I'm not a member of the family anymore."