Chapter 18

"Woah wait whaat?!" Doug exclaimed in horror and outrage.

Mark and Doug shared a look.

"That's what Rosa told you on the phone?" Mark asked slowly just to clarify; "That your family told her to tell you not to call or visit because you're not family anymore?"

"Yep." Carter said with a pop on the p; "It seems they got the messages I left, and blocked my number. They really don't want anything to do with me. Guess that explains why they don't care if I lie or die."

"Carter!" Doug gaped in disbelief and shock.

Looking down solemnly Carter murmured quietly; "Guess my dad was serious about his whole 'you won't be Carter anymore' threat he made before he left huh? Didn't think he would go through with it. Supposed I can't really blame them for wanting nothing to do with me. I mean I am homeless, penniless, and now have no family. Not to mention injured and broken. At Christmas. Now I'm...all alone." He concluded, the weight of what that meant hitting him at full speed he felt this heavy feeling weighing on his chest.

"Carter!" Mark breathed frowning in pure disagreement and shock that Carter thought that.

"Hey atleast I still got my job right? That's um something I guess." He trailed off his voice going quiet as he finished.

"Carter...We're so sorry." Mark murmured softy and reached for Carter's arm to offer comfort, but Carter flinched away. Looking at him warily before turning away. Mark shot a concerned look at Doug. It was one thing to have your family be distant and overbearing with you and issue ultimatums, but to outright cut you out of their lives and tell you, you aren't family anymore. That was beyond wrong. Carter's family were monsters.

Carter couldn't bare to see the pity and sympathy on their faces. He knew what they were thinking. Poor Carter. Abandoned, poor, homeless, injured and broken. Sure that was true, but that wasn't all he was. Was he?

"Carter. I understand how you're feeling right now."

"Oh you do, do you?" Carter snapped but refused to look at him.

"Carter we know you're hurting, and we're so sorry that your family hurt you. But what they did was wrong." Mark said firmly trying to catch Carter's eyes; "It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with them."

"It's their loss for not having you in their lives."

"Ok just stop it!" Carter yelled closing his eyes, suddenly feeling claustrophobic and like he was drowning. He needed space, he needed them to leave, and their niceness and comfort was just suffocating him; "I don't need your..." He waved his hand struggling for words as rage and hurt overtook everything; "False platitudes or lies right now. Just go."

"What?"

"Carter!"

Mark and Doug both spoke at the same time, panicking at how things were spiralling out of control.

"We're not leaving you whilst you're upset."

"I really don't think you should be alone right now Carter."

"No being alone is exactly what I need right now. I mean hey I gotta get used to it right? Now please just get out." Carter breathed still refusing to look at them.

They left Carter once before, and that was a mistake. They weren't going to do it again.

"No Carter we're not leaving you this time. We're here for you. Whether you want us to be or not." Doug said bobbing his head in finality.

Finally, Carter snapped his head to Doug, narrowing his eyes in anger and annoyance. His family was always telling him what to do, He thought they were different, but the way they were looking at him the way they were treating him. He just couldn't take it.

"Fine." Carter huffed, tossing the phone to the bed, and then throwing the blanket off him. Then he started unplugging the leads attached to him.

"Woah hey what...!" Doug started panicking, his eyes widening as he stood raising a hand to stop Carter.

"What are you doing Carter? Stop! You need those." Mark rushed forward to plug the leads back into Carter, but he shrugged him off.

"No I need some air, I need...If you're staying I'm going...I need a walk..." Carter rushed out in one breath, finding his chest was getting tighter and tighter. And was it getting hotter in the room?

Mark shot a frantic look at Doug as he tried to keep Carter in bed.

"Carter Carter no. You have to get back in bed." He tried to block Carter, but he was already standing up; "You're still weak and sick, you need to rest, not take a walk."

"No I need to get outta here. I need..." Carter trailed off as he was half standing an half sitting, gasping for breath. The room suddenly spinning as he spluttered for breath, his whole body going cold and numb with pins and needles; "I need...I have to..."

Noticing Carter's struggle Mark sprung into action bending to peer at Carter's face; "Carter hey Carter what's wrong?"

"Can't...breath..." Carter gasped, lashing out to grab Mark's arm to ground himself as he feared he was going to fall over or pass out. And for reassurance and comfort, because Carter was terrified. He had no idea what was happening. And the fear was making it worse.

"Ok Carter just try to calm down and take deep breaths." Mark said calmly nodding at Doug for help, who rushed over to help get Carter back into bed, and hooked him back up to the machines. And put the breathing mask back on his face. Immediately there was wild beeping indicating how erratic Carter's vitals were. His heart rate was racing, his oxygen was too low. It wasn't good.

"Can't..." Carter gasped as he closed his eyes in terror trying to breath, but all he felt was a tightness in his chest that wouldn't go away, leaving just no room for any air. And it felt like his heart was going to explode out his chest. What if he was dying? God this would just be perfect if he was to die again after barely surviving before.

Doug hurriedly pulled out his stethoscope to listen to Carter's chest as Mark tried to calm Carter down.

"Carter hey Carter look at me." He grabbed Carter's face to force him to meet his eyes. Mark faltered for a moment seeing the panic and fear in Carter's eyes. He was really scared, and that wasn't helping.

Offering a small smile Mark spoke softly and calmly hoping it would put Carter as ease; "We got you. You're not alone. Just try to calm down ok. Try to take slow deep breaths and don't panic."

Easy for him to say Carter thought for a second before terror set in again.

He tried to suck in air but still couldn't get it in, and now he was getting lightheaded. His whole body was numb, and stars darted across his eyes.

"Carter? Carter?" Mark asked worriedly as Carter still struggled to breath and was losing focus. He shot a panicked look at Doug who was listening to his chest.

"Lungs are fine. Hold on." Doug eyed the monitors again, and then grabbed Carter's wrist for a moment. Realisation clicked; "It's a panic attack." He looked wide eyed at Mark.

Relieved and concerned Mark and Doug both turned to Carter trying to get his attention. If he didn't calm down he would pass out and in his condition it might make him worse.

"Carter hey buddy." Doug smiled at Carter as he gripped his shoulder; "You're ok. There's nothing wrong, you're just panicking a little, and you just think you can't breath. But you can. Just try to take slow deep breaths."

Carter could barely follow what Doug was saying though. He lashed out to grab Doug's wrist though in a vice grip, needing something to ground him as he felt like he was floating. He didn't want to be alone.

"Carter." Mark said forcefully still holding his face waiting until he looked at him.

"Copy me ok." With that Mark and Doug both imitated taking slow long deep breaths over and over again until Carter copied them.

It started shakily and with no effect at firsts, but after a few deep breaths finally Carter got air in and started to relax. He felt Mark letting go and lashed out to cling to him too. He may be clingy and emotional and acting crazy, but everything was just too much and he was scared. He didn't want to be alone

"That's it." Doug soothed, squeezing Carter's shoulder in praise.

"We got you Carter." Mark nodded in a smile releasing Carter's face to take his hand.

"You're ok. You're going to be fine."

"What's wrong with me?" Carter murmured drowsily, muffled by the oxygen mask.

"Nothing. You're fine." Mark said quickly; "It was just a minor panic attack, but it's nothing to be concerned about. It's ok. You're ok." He was hoping to reasure Carter that it as ok for him to have a panic attack, he knew how proud Carter was, and how upset it would make him, which would only make him worse.

But Doug was looking at Carter face, his eyes, and he saw the pain there.

"That's not what he meant." Doug murmured meeting Carter's eyes. Mark frowned looking between them confused.

"Why don't they want me?" Carter whispered, so quietly that they barely heard him. But they did, and it broke their hearts. Mark finally realised what Carter meant by the question, and it enraged him.

"Carter..."

"Why do they hate me so much?" Carter murmured fumbling to get the mask off so he could talk better. Doug silently helped lift it over his head; "To actually not care if I live or die, to cut me out of their lives and abandon me, telling me I'm not a Carter anymore...I...what did I do that was so wrong for them to hate me that much? What's wrong with me?"

"Oh Carter." Doug had never felt more sad and pissed off at the same time; "You listen to me right now. There. Is. Nothing. Wrong. With. You."

"But..." Carter protested weakly.

"No. No buts or what ifs or anything. That is a fact, not an opinion Carter. You haven't done anything wrong."

"Then why are they so mad at me? Why would they throw me away like I'm trash if I didn't do something wrong?"

"Carter..."

"This is my fault!" Carter said forcefully as tears started to form in his eyes. That was the truth he didn't want to admit. He wanted to hold onto the anger at his parents, that it was on them that they couldn't accept his choice to be a Doctor. But he was the one who started this fight by turning his back on them.

"Carter!" Mark's eyes widened and he tightened his grip on Carter's arm; "Listen to me. None of this is your fault!"

"But it is. I chose to be a doctor over my own family." Carter's brow furrowed as he started to hate himself. God what was wrong with him that he would just throw all that away for being a doctor?; "I'm the one who turned my back on them!"

Doug could see Carter was still spiralling. And if he didn't stop, he was going to have another panic attack. Not to mention he didn't want Carter going down this dark path of blaming himself because once you went down that rabbit hole it was difficult to get out again.

"CARTER!" Doug exclaimed, feeling a small twinge of guilt for making Carter jump, but he needed to get his attention; "Stop. Stop." He said softly, ducking to catch Carter's eyes; "You. Didn't. Do. Anything. Wrong." He emphasised each word hoping they got through Carter's stubborn head.

Carter blinked blankly at him for a moment, and then said; "I can fix this. I have to fix this." His thoughts were running a mile a minute, and he couldn't hold onto one for more than a few seconds. Not to mention there was a pounding sharp pain behind his eyes that just wouldn't go away. It was driving him crazy; "I need to call them...I should call them again."

Fumbling with the phone with one shaking hand and one broken hand was difficult. He couldn't even flip the phone open he was shaking so much.

So it was easy for Doug to simply reach over and cover his hands; "Carter stop." He merely said gently.

"But I have to fix it...I...I'll stop...I won't be a doctor anymore." Tears were falling down his face now but he didn't notice. It hurt Mark and Doug to watch him like this. Seeing the anguish and pure confusion on Carter's face. And just knowing his family were causing him this pain pissed them off.

"Carter no..." Mark's brow furrowed in concern. He knew how much Carter loved being a doctor. It was everything to him, and with everything his family put him through, he didn't like how Carter was willing to give up who he was to make his family happy. Mark wouldn't let it happen and neither would Doug.

"But if I stop maybe they'll come back..." Carter whispered in a plea, and looked at them hopefully for them to agree. Of course he didn't want to stop being a doctor, but he also wasn't in his right mind right now. All he knew was he was hurting, and after losing so much in his life, he wasn't sure he could handle losing his family right now too.

Doug looked at Carter with a pained expression. Wanting so much just to shake Carter until he believed that his family were in the wrong not him.

Sighing, Doug moved to lower the railing on his side of the bed, and he perched on the edge, and covered Carter's hands again still holding the phone.

"Carter. I want you to listen to me very carefully." Doug said slowly and firmly waiting for Carter to meet his eyes. He wavered a little seeing the glazes look on his eyes, it was then he realised Carter was still sick and injured and obviously wasn't thinking clearly; "Your family sucks."

Mark sent Doug a look but Doug ignored it. He was sick on walking on egg shells. If Carter was going to get through this he needed to realise the hard truth about his family. And he wasn't going to let Carter go crawling back to his family begging them to take him back. Not when he did nothing wrong.

"I'm sorry to say this, and that you have to hear this. But I think you need to hear this. Your parents, your grandparents, they really suck. They're horrible people and they don't deserve you. They are to blame for this. They are the ones who turned on you, they are the ones who tossed you aside and gave up on you! Your family hurt you and that is unforgivable. They are the ones in the wrong for trying to force an ultimatum on you, in trying to dictate your life the way they want. It's your life Carter. Your choices. They need to accept you for who you are. If not that's on them. If they can't see how amazing you are, that's their loss. Don't try and change yourself to fit the person they want you to be. Don't sacrifice anything for them."

Mark looked at Doug in surprise for a moment, caught off guard by his words. He was worried about him pushing Carter, but he couldn't agree more with Doug's words. Even if they did come across harsh. Doug was right, Carter really need to hear this.

For a moment there was silence, as Carter just stared at Doug. And Doug truly feared he had pushed too hard.

And then it happened.

The dam broke. Everything Carter had been feeling, everything he pushed down inside himself when it came to his parents, all the hurt they'd put him through, all the loss, everything that happened to him, it was all coming to a head. And Carter snapped.

He just burst into tears.

Covering his face as the sobs came, and Carter had no control in trying to stop them.

Mark and Doug looked at Carter panicked and shocked for a moment, and they shared concerned looks. They understood, and they knew Carter was hurting. That he was struggling. It was understandable all these emotions were coming to a head.

"It's ok Carter." Mark reassured him squeezing his shoulder in support; "Just let it out."

"We're here for you Carter. You're not alone." Doug reinforced. Knowing that even now Carter doubted their intentions. They had to show him they weren't going to abandon him too, and that they did care for him.

Carter had no idea how long he cried for, but through it all he felt reassurance having Doug and Mark beside him. Offering comforting words. He was afraid they would be disgusted or leave in annoyance, but they stayed. And that meant everything to him.

"I'm sorry." Carter murmured when his sobs eased, and he tried to furiously wipe away his tears and regain some of his composure.

"Nothing to apologise for." Mark said simply and with finality.

"I think you needed that." Doug added with a nod and smile; "You feel better now?"

"No." Carter replied with a snort and sniffle as he wiped his face; "Still feel like shit. But you're right." Sighing he looked sadly at Doug; "You're right. Every word of what you said. Even if I stopped being a doctor they wouldn't take me back. It's over forever. They hold grudges and you know what," Carter murmured as he leant back against the pillow looking up at the ceiling with a frown; "I think they've always hated me. Even as a kid I think it. I could feel it. I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I don't know what it was, what was wrong with me. But they have always hated me. I just...I wish I knew why."

Doug and Mark glanced at each other in horror. It was one thing to abandon Carter now as an adult, and shun him after losing their other child. But to learn they've always hated him. Why? What the hell was wrong with them? Carter was just a child...how could a parent hate their own child this much? They were monsters.

"It's not you Carter." Doug said simply shaking his head; "It's them. They are the ones with the issues. They're not good parents. Maybe they just weren't meant to be parents."

"They were good with Bobby." Carter whispered, so quietly they almost didn't hear him, but they did. And it just broke their hearts.

Thinking of Bobby just made Carter feel like someone was stabbing him in the heart over and over again. He missed his brother so much, especially now he had just lost his family too. But what also hurt was the realisation that his parents loved Bobby but not him, what was wrong with him that made his parents hate him so much? Clearly it was him, because they treated Bobby like their son, like a golden child, the complete opposite of how they treated him. So it had to be him. But what did he do to make them hate him so much?

"Oh Carter..." Mark murmured and trailed off with a look at Doug. They had no idea what to say to Carter to make him feel better. This was getting very deep, and into areas Doug and Mark just weren't prepared for. Both of them were very worried about how Carter was dealing with everything his parents had put him through. Especially now they realised it was far worse than them just abandoning him, but they've been emotionally abusing him his whole life.

Another sharp pain erupted behind Carter's eyes making him groan aloud, and he pressed his palm against his eyes.

Mark and Doug instantly tensed, looking at Carter's vitals when they started to rise.

"Carter? What is it?" Mark said alarmed as he stood up, and Doug sat forward.

"My head...it really hurts." Carter huffed, dropping his hand and closing his eyes just trying to push through it.

"Alright. That's ok. It's just the concussion." Doug said quickly as Mark handed Carter the pain pump, hitting the button to release some pain meds for him.

Mark shone the pen light into Carter's eyes, just to check the pupil function and ensure there wasn't anything else going on with him. Carter flinched a little at the bright lights but Mark was pleased to see both his pupils were equal and reactive.

"Why don't you rest some rest Carter?" Mark suggested softly as he stared down at the resident with concern. He had nearly died twice and was still recovering. He needed rest, and stress was going to make him worse. And thinking about his parents and his brother, it was stressing Carter out. He didn't need that right now. The last thing they wanted was for Carter to get worse again. He had already deteriorated twice and nearly died, Carter may not survive if it happened again.

"Hmm." Carter bobbed his head a little, his eyes already slipping closed as he surrendered to the darkness. Relieved to have a momentarily reprieve from all the hurt and pain he was feeling.

Waiting until they were sure Carter was asleep, Mark gestured his head silently at Doug to the door.

Glancing at Carter one last time, his face pained Doug sighed and followed Mark out.

They both paced outside to the window looking into Carter's room, and paced silently. Both taking a moment to let their thoughts run free, and try to contain their rage and emotions for Carter.

"I..." Doug started as he paced, putting his hands on his hips, and then just closed his mouth and shook his head as he struggled to express himself without his anger overtaking him; "I really feel like hitting something right now. Or someone."

"Tell me about it." Mark murmured as he stood there with his arms crossed, his face blank, appearing calm and unfazed. But Doug could feel the tension and rage just rolling off him.

"I had no idea."

Doug turned to Mark waiting for him to continue speaking, sensing Mark was deep in thought.

"No idea about what?" Doug pressed when Mark didn't continue.

Sighing Mark looked in anguish at Carter; "I had no idea he was dealing with so much." Shaking his head he looked at Doug; "I mean it's Carter. He's always been like this innocent, young, happy, hopeful guy. He's like our baby resident, we all feel protective of him. But the truth is there is just so much more to Carter than we knew. He hides all this stuff he's dealing with his family, his childhood, his money struggles, his thoughts and emotions..." Trailing off Mark shook his head at the long list; "He bottles all this stuff up and hides it from everyone. Putting on this act that everything is fine with him when in reality his whole life is crumbling down around him."

"It's not healthy and it's not right." Doug agreed. It was all way too much for one person to deal with, especially alone.

"Supressing all this stuff, bottling it up inside. There's only so much a person can take, and I think Carter has reached his breaking point. This stuff with family and nearly dying, it's pushed him over the edge. I don't know how he gets through this alone."

"Well it's a good thing he isn't alone." Doug murmured dropping his arms to cross his arms beside Mark; "He has us."

"Yeah but he won't let us in. You saw him in there. Trying to push us away, trying to pretend he's not hurting. I just don't know how we're going to help him if he won't let us."

"This is all because of his parents. The reason he's so closed off and why he felt he had to hide all this stuff is because of how they raised him. They weren't affectionate to him, they treated him more like a business then a son. Hell, he thinks they've hated him his entire life and quite honestly after meeting them, I can believe they are the type of people to treat their son that way. They're monsters. And now because of them Carter actually thinks there is something wrong with him, that it's his fault they treated him the way they did and abandoned him. He refuses to accept the possibility that they are bad parents and they are the ones in the wrong. I don't know how they did it, but they've got him so messed up in the head his immediate response is to blame himself for anything they do wrong." Doug shook his head in disgust in fury.

"They should be arrested." Mark mused and Doug smirked in agreement.

"If only."

"We can't leave him alone." Mark murmured scrubbing a hand over his face. He was so tired. The last few weeks he'd barely slept, they had all barely slept. All too scared about losing Carter and feared that if they slept something bad would happen. But even though Carter was getting better, emotionally and mentally he wasn't. Mark agreed with Doug that his parents had messed with Carter's head too much, and they needed to get Carter to see he wasn't alone, and there was nothing wrong with him.

No matter what it took, they'd help Carter through this.