A/N: I am not officially coming back to writing. This idea just came to me today and I needed to write it down. I hope all is well with all of you. Please review.

You sit, your back against the wall, taking in one breath at a time. Your worst nightmare has come true. You lost one. You lost a good one. Your entire team lost their friend, their teammate. But two people lost their entire world.

"Hotch?" You look up to see Morgan approaching. His eyes red from tears; there is blood still on his vest. Her blood. You don't say anything and somehow force yourself to stand. "The ME is ready to talk to you about her." His voice is soft, low, in shock.

Your entire team is in shock. It should not have happened like this. Not to her. Not to anyone. But not to her. And you do not know what to do. What to do next. What to do now. There are so many things to do but you do not know where to start.

The media is already gathering at the scene, and you know that it will be broadcasted soon. But they do not know the extent of it yet. And that is something else you will have to do. You will have to hold the press conference.

"Hotch?" Morgan's voice is shaky. And you nod, knowing what he is telling you.

You walk, somehow you are able to walk over to the medical examiner. A white sheet has already been laid down, covering her body. And you feel the nausea rise in your throat again. Local police are surrounding you, her. Your team. Keeping the media away.

"Agent Hotchner," the medical examiner speaks softly. Her voice full of sympathy. "I am so sorry for your loss," you look in her eyes and you know she means it. "I want to release her body from the scene. Would you like us to transport her to the hospital?"

You nod. She isn't going for medical treatment. She is going to the morgue so that the team can say goodbye.

The medical examiner nods again, "when an officer gives their life in the line of duty, our community will shut down the roads and line them with first responders for honor and respect. Is that something you believe your agent would want?"

You take in another breath. No, she would hate that. But you nod, she deserves it.

"Alright, let me get that set up for you."

"Can I see her?" You whisper.

The ME nods and bows her head. "She is very pale, there is a tremendous amount of blood around her. I have not cleaned her up as I know the FBI will want the evidence."

You nod again, it is the case. The CSI guys are on their way. They will take the pictures and collect the evidence. Until that is done, she will lay where she died.

She died in your arms.

She died after an ambush. After the coward came from behind and shot her in the neck. Your blind flashes back to the instant it happened. You returned fire, permanently neturlizing the bastard.

And then you focused on her. She was already so pale, blood was pouring out of her mouth and neck. You pressed your fingers to the wound but it was no good.

You had pleaded with her to hang on, promised her she was okay, that she was going to be okay. But you knew just by looking in her eyes that she knew that was a lie. You knew she knew she would not make it much longer.

"An ambulance is coming, they are almost here." You told her as the rest of the team finaly arrived. But she shook her head and then smiled. A peaceful bliss seemed to have fallen by her and she went limp in your arms.

You did CPR, the paramedics did all they could. But she was gone. From the time she was hit until the time she passed was less then eight minutes.

And that had been an hour ago. An hour and nine minutes ago, she was walking, talking, breathing. Now, she is none of those things.

You take another breath and reach over, your hand grabbing hers and wanting to recoil at the ice coldness of her hands. How do you apologize for this? What do you say? How do you begin to say anything at all?

Sorry isn't anything, there will be no justice as her murderer is dead. There is nothing.

She will get a plaque on a wall in Quantico and a full honors funeral. But she does not need that. She needs to be able to go home.

Go home alive and well. She needs to come home to her son and husband and come back the next day.

And it will never happen.

And you lean over her and cry, silent tears hitting the white sheet. Some of them cascading down onto your hands where her blood has dried.

Today you lost a friend, a teammate. Today you lost any desire to continue in this job.

Today you failed to protect your teammate.

Today you failed JJ.