Any Way You Want It lyrics © Wixen Music Publishing, Words & Music A Div Of Big Deal Music LLC
Chapter Seven
Showdown in Pudgy Town
Adam's plane touched down a little past 1 PM, and he exited the plane in a baseball cap and sunglasses, attempting to remain inconspicuous. It seemed to work.
He headed to the exit area near the baggage claim - he had no bags, but he'd planned to be picked up by Tea here in the GMC Hummer EV Edition 1. His phone rang. He was tempted to let it go to voicemail and deal with it later, but he was surprised to see it was Tommy calling.
"Hey," he answered.
"Hey, man," Tommy responded, sounding out of breath. "I need - can you help?"
"Help how, Tommy? I just landed."
"Oh, right. Hey, I hope you had a good time. But we're … the team is going up against a monster that really just wiped the floor with us. Any help would be appreciated."
"Oh, jeez … I don't know if I'd be any help …"
"It's, uh, it's kind of just me, so … I'd really appreciate it."
"Where are you?"
"Out on the abandoned pier in Corey Beach - you know it?"
"Yeah, man, I'll get there ASAP."
"Cool. Thanks, bro."
"Sure," Adam replied. He looked at his phone, made a face, then pushed his way through the crowd as fast as he could. He didn't immediately spot Tea and the GMC Hummer EV Edition 1, so he went and grabbed a Lyft. He'd just text her along the way.
Little did Adam know that Tea wasn't actually coming; in that crowd, waiting for the right moment, stood Godzilla, staring after Adam, too nervous to greet him. Godzilla tried racing after him, but the crowd held him back, and by the time he was almost caught up, Adam had been driven off in a modern-looking hatchback. Godzilla made a face like that of a grumpy panther, looking after him.
Adam left a big tip for the Lyft driver, then told him he should get out of there as quickly as possible as he exited the vehicle. Adam walked to the deserted pier area to encounter a tableau of total devastation. The current group of Rangers were all on the ground, moaning on their backs in various states of disrepair.
He caught sight of Tommy, clutching at his chest, in red Ranger gear, shuffling painfully out of a nearby shack. "Over here!"
Adam hustled to him, on the lookout for the danger. He thought he caught a glimpse of something glinting off of metal close to the pier.
"Hey, man," Adam said, reaching Tommy. "You know I don't even have a morpher anymore, right?"
"Yeah, but you're dressed for it," Tommy joked. Adam glanced down. His skin-tight shirt WAS green. "Grab Xhi Liu's," Tommy managed.
Adam hopped over to the downed green ranger, who groaned while holding up his arm to display his watch/morpher. Adam gently took it off Xhi Liu's wrist, then slid it onto his own. He faced forward, shouted "It's morphin' time!" and became the green Ranger.
He moved over to Tommy again, swearing that whatever glinted in the distance was now coming nearer. He nodded at Tommy. "What are we up against?"
"Mecha Pudgy Pig," Tommy said, nodding to the pier. Adam turned and saw, to his dismay, a metal version of Pudgy Pig coming at them. He groaned.
"Great," Adam dispirited.
Adam started with a couple of half-hearted, exploratory hand chops aimed at Mecha Pudgy Pig's neck area. He quickly jumped back, shaking his hands out.
"Yeah! He's super armored!" yelled Tommy, who quickly moved into the combat area and did a spinning jump kick. His foot connected with Mecha Pudgy Pig's face, but Mecha Pudgy Pig only faltered for a second, quickly shaking his arms and returning to a starting position. Tommy limped a bit.
Adam tried grabbing a metal arm and jump-kicking the porcine perp in an attempt to pull the arm free of its body, but to no avail. Mecha Pudgy Pig merely snort-laughed in response and waited for Adam to fall away.
The red Ranger came in with another spinning kick, this time aiming for the neck, attempting to kick Mecha Pudgy Pig's head off. No luck! Once again he fell back to the ground, though this time he quickly executed a spin on one hand, trying to unbalance Mecha Pudgy Pig with his whirling leg, but the metallic menace was too heavy for it to work. Tommy crawled away.
Adam tried quick judo chops to any weak points: the eyes, the gyro on top of its brush head, the inner elbow … but no luck! He finally had to pull back, wheezing from the exertion, flexing his pained hands.
"A ha ha!" yelled Mecha Pudgy Pig. "Now that I've destroyed your entire puny team, I shall grow large and take on the world, beginning with this abandoned pier!"
Mecha Pudgy Pig threw something on the ground, and a cloud of dust formed around him, obscuring him until he shot up and up, growing bigger by the second! Suddenly a 20-story-tall Mecha Pudgy Pig faced them!
Tommy fell back on the ground on his ass. Adam was still shaking his hands. He nodded at Tommy. "Is it time to break out the Zords?"
"We can't!" Tommy gasped desperately back, shaking his head. "They're out of fuel!"
"Out of fuel?" Adam nodded his disbelief. "How can they be out of fuel?"
"Hey," Tommy nodded sadly in reply, "the Russian invasion of Ukraine has hit the operation hard."
Adam nodded with bellicose force that belied a belligerent concern. "You should've come to me!"
Tommy's nod encompassed a rising spirit. "Oh. Yeah. Hey, good idea!"
Adam shook his head.
"Who do I have to screw to be considered a zord around here?" Godzilla asked, coming out from behind the shack where he'd been hiding, now rising to his full height.
Adam nodded in a fashion that suggested a grin. "I can think of a good candidate!"
"Oh yeah?" replied Godzilla. "Hop on up."
Adam looked at Godzilla's back, then nodded concernedly. "My hands are mush; I won't be able to grip anywhere!"
"Use your thighs!" Godzilla said with a bestial grin.
Adam laughed noddingly. "I thought you'd never ask!"
Adam ran balletically up Godzilla's back, dodging in between the giant scaly green fins. Once he'd reached Godzilla's neck he fell down and gripped with his thighs, then pointed straight ahead.
"Make like a Gotham Steel Bonanza Bacon Cooker and cook his bacon!" yelled Adam.
Tommy stopped his hacking cough and stared up at Adam, along with Godzilla.
Adam gave a humble nod. "So my quips need work! Attack!"
Mecha Pudgy Pig laughed, waved his arms about, and moved toward them. In response, Godzilla reared his head back, letting loose his iron-upon-iron cry of rage, then jerked his head back down and began shooting a barrage of fiery nuclear plasma at the ersatz swine. His fins glowed and Adam felt his lower half grow uncomfortably warm.
The same churning atomic fury that had murdered over 100,000 Japanese civilians 80 years ago now pummeled at Mecha Pudgy Pig, causing its casing to instantly sear and melt. Eerie squeals of terror and pain came from it as its extremities instantly turned to liquescent rivers of mercury. Godzilla's breath weapon arced from the upper right neck area down to the lower left thigh, and Mecha Pudgy Pig fell into two semi-solid piles of molten ooze.
Now only strange piggy sobs could be heard as even his face liquified, leaving only a surreal metal-covered broom end left to float in the bubbling miasma.
"Whoa," Tommy nodded.
Adam tenderly worked his way down, then stood facing Godzilla, his knees a little wobbly. He held out his watch arm and hit the button, turning back into Adam. "You came!" he yelled up at Godzilla.
"Of course," Godzilla responded.
Tommy, no longer the red Ranger, popped up between them. "Good luck, guys!" He then pushed the switch on his watch and disappeared.
"He's starting to grow on me," said Godzilla.
"Yeah, he does that," replied Adam. Then, "I want to kiss you, but all I can smell is liquid metal bacon."
"Yeah, probably a good idea we get you out of here. This, uh … this whole area is pretty irradiated now. Sorry."
"Hey, it got the job done, right?" Adam returned the morpher to Xhi Liu, who gave him a weary thumbs up before teleporting away.
Adam turned to Godzilla. "Let's go home."
They arrived at Adam's loft to find Minilla and Tea there, watching an animated creature screaming inchoately. Both seemed pretty enrapt by the aural/visual presentation.
Godzilla spoke. "At first I was so scared, so worried that you would either go back to Pikachu or … or … realize how worthless I was." Godzilla paused, finding it difficult to continue.
Adam waited for him to find what he needed, sensing he wasn't finished.
"But then I realized, y'know … I am fairly cool."
"You're like a solid seven on the cool meter, Dad!" Minilla yelled.
"Thanks!" Godzilla shouted to them. Then, quieter, to Adam, "And if you couldn't see that, then what was there to be scared of?"
Adam smiled. "See, that's twice today you've used that spine of yours. I figured it was hidden there somewhere."
"It's because he hunches too much!" yelled Svetlana, bursting in through the door with Pikachu. They both sported black biker jackets with tiny leather biker caps.
They both turned to stare at her.
She rolled her eyes. "Very good hearing!" she shouted.
"What's–" Godzilla started.
"Hey," said Adam, turning Godzilla's face back toward him. "Tomorrow."
He pulled on Godzilla's bumpy chin and their mouths met, tongues swirling together as the world melted around them.
Suddenly Tommy appeared. "Hey, little person!" he yelled at Minilla, and Svetlana looked like she was going to say something, but then just shook her head. "Look what I got!" He held up a screener copy of The Cursed Child.
"All right!" yelled Minilla.
Looking around at Adam and Godzilla making out, their hands now running over each other, Tommy said, "Looks like it's adult time out here! Here, let's take this into the den!"
"Yeah!" yelled Minilla, and they exited.
"Tea!" Svetlana yelled, moving over to her. "I feel bad. It seems like everybody's paired off in some way except you. I don't want you to feel left out."
"Oh, honey, I've happily been an ace since the day I realized I had a deck to play with."
The metaphor didn't quite work, but everybody broke out into a hearty chuckle anyway.
SMASH CUT as Journey's "Anyway You Want It" kicks in:
Any way you want it,
That's the way you need it
Any way you want it
Visual: a shot of Tommy holding up his morpher and changing into the red Ranger, then giving a spin kick.
Tommy continued to be the red Ranger.
She loves to laugh
She loves to sing
She loves everything
Visual: Pikachu and Svetlana onstage. Pikachu is rocking out on a guitar, same biker outfit on, as Svetlana (now in a leather sleeveless top with a mesh body wrap beneath, and a red feather boa draped around her neck) screams into a microphone.
Their band Remember the Wretched's first album, a punk remix of the classic musical "Dolly," gained critical acclaim, though it was only barely a commercial success.
She loves to move
She loves to groove
She loves the lovin' things
Visual: Tea in the middle of a boxing ring, in some sort of blue uniform. A ripped Asian man is jump kicking her in the face. Spit and blood spume up from her mouth.
Tea returned to her first love, mixed martial arts fighting.
Ooh, all night, all night,
Oh, every night
Visual: Minilla in the middle of a mariachi band, sombrero on, seemingly having a great time.
Experts are divided as to the veracity of this photograph.
So hold tight, hold tight,
Ooh, baby, hold tight
Visual: a closed bedroom door. The music drops and we hear from behind it a low pleasurable groan with a small amount of pain laced beneath it.
He fit, all right. Oh, yes, he fit.
[music kicks back in as we fade to black]
Any way you want it,
That's the way you need it ….
