Humiliation could not even begin to describe it. At least the first time it had happened no one else had seen. She'd been molested in front of the entire tavern and the things he'd said...
Even as every eye had turned to her, Teldryn hadn't moved. He'd come to her aid and received a bloody lip for it, then got in trouble with the guards. He'd nearly murdered the man! If she hadn't been drinking she might have been more aware of her surroundings. She hadn't even thought of the dagger on her hip, it might as well be decorative. A costume.
She was a fraud. Yes, she knew the names of things and places in this world, she acted like she belonged as she drew water from the well and scrubbed sheets on a washboard like she was in Little House on the Prairie. It was all pretend until the blades came out and blood soaked the floors. This world was raw with violence and Teldryn was perhaps the most violent of them all. The red of his eyes had flashed with a terrible glee as he smiled with blood on his teeth. Perhaps that was what it took to survive a world like this one. She didn't have it in her. She was destined to be nothing more than a constant victim and though she was already painfully aware of that, now everyone else saw it, too.
Vanya didn't even want to show her face. She'd spent the morning in bed and begged Niyya to work the floor for lunch so she could hide in the kitchen. She'd hopefully be able to do the same for dinner. And maybe every other meal on every other day. She'd stay in this room with the warm fire chopping vegetables and baking bread until she was an old maid and everyone forgot who she was or what she looked like.
"So..." Geldis voice pulled her from her thoughts. "How many leeks are you planning to chop, exactly?"
Vanya stopped and looked down at the cutting board where she had diced enough leeks for three days. "Damn it. I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention."
"It's alright. We can save the excess for tomorrow."
She gave a shuddering sigh in an attempt to ward off the tears that were threatening to come and turned away to check the bread in the oven.
"Vanya," Geldis said gently. "Perhaps you should..."
"I'm alright, Geldis," she forced out as steadily as she could.
Teldryn sat down at the table near the kitchen that he had recently started to prefer and moments later, to his disappointment, Niyya approached to take his order.
"Hey, hero. Your meal is on me today as thanks for what you did."
He looked up at her curiously. That was the second time today since Geldis had told him the same thing at breakfast. And Bralsa had stopped him in the market on his way back from sparring to tell him that she was buying him a few rounds of drinks later. He shrugged and ordered his usual meal.
"Ash-hopper, ash yam, bread, and sujamma."
"Coming right up."
"Hold on," he said before she could walk away. "Where is she?"
Niyya tilted her head toward the kitchen, "In there," she leaned a little closer and lowered her voice. "I think she's a little embarrassed about the whole thing."
He furrowed his brow. "What could she possibly have to be embarrassed about?"
"Probably has something to do with the things that Gjollmir said about..." She looked him up and down and raised her eyebrows. "...you know."
"That?" he scoffed. "Meaningless." The man had taunted Vanya to get a rise from him and it would have worked had he not already been looking to spill the nord's blood. It was not as if his drivel had any foundation.
"Maybe to you, but he said it in front of everyone. They were all staring," she replied with a grimace."And it doesn't really help with the rumor about you two."
"Rumor?"
Her eyes widened and she raised her hand to her mouth, "Oh shit, you didn't know. Shit, I wasn't supposed to say anything."
He raised an eyebrow. "It's too late now."
She looked as if she were fighting with herself internally for a moment before she relented. "Alright, there is this rumor that you two are...together. And Vanya didn't start it, but it seems to keep any suitors away- aside from the one, though you could hardly call him a suitor- but anyway, it seems to keep them away so she doesn't deny it."
He leaned back in his chair, contemplating. It made sense to him and was not particularly shocking, all things considered.
"You have to swear you didn't hear it from me," she urged. "You're not upset are you?"
"Upset?" he replied, amused by her state of distress. "Certainly not. It's only a rumor."
"Right," Niyya nodded, eyeing him skeptically as she left.
Truth be told, it would only bother him if it bothered Vanya. It seemed to him that she was using the rumor to her advantage, which he approved. Her use of the rumor, that is, not the rumor itself. Although he certainly did not disapprove of the rumor...
It was something that at this point did not merit thinking about. He was not prepared to complicate his life any more than it had to be.
She set the warm bread on the plate and handed it to Niyya, not looking at her.
"You sure you don't want to take this to him?"
Vanya nodded, busying herself with preparing another order. The very last thing she wanted to do was go out into the busy tavern and mostly likely bawl her eyes out.
"You should really talk to him. He asked about you. He seems pretty-"
"It's getting cold," she interrupted sternly. Niyya huffed and walked out of the kitchen and Vanya could only feel relief even though she'd probably pissed her off. She just wanted everyone to stop. Stop trying to make her feel better, stop trying to get her to talk about things she didn't want to talk about, stop looking at her like she was made of glass, ready to shatter at any moment.
He must think I'm so pathetic.
It was late and Vanya sat on her bed flipping through a book of recipes that Geldis had picked up during the festival. They looked interesting but would probably be too expensive to make since the ingredients would have to be imported. Still, it might be fun to experiment.
"Hey."
Vanya looked up to see Bralsa walking toward her bed. She flopped herself across the foot of the bed, propped up on one arm.
"What's up?" the dunmer asked with a glimmer in her eye. She had taken a liking to the phrase ever since Vanya had said it and had to explain that it did not literally mean that she wanted to know what was on the ceiling.
Vanya closed the book and let it rest on her lap. "Oh, you know. Cooking, cleaning, breathing..."
"Avoiding real life," Bralsa finished and Vanya gave her a bemused look.
"This is my real life."
"Be a hermit if you want," Bralsa said carelessly as she rolled onto her chest, arms folded under her chin. "But I did come to tell you something you might like to know."
"Oh really?" Vanya asked doubtfully.
"I heard that Gjollmir is going back to Windhelm," Bralsa stated then raised her eyebrows. "With all his fingers broken."
Vanya stared at her friend, shocked by both revelations. "Really?"
"Yep," Bralsa replied while swinging her legs back and forth off the edge of the bed. "The rumor is he got so angry he was punching the cell walls until he broke them, but I have another theory."
"You think somebody broke his fingers?" Vanya whispered.
Bralsa smirked. "Not just somebody." She didn't have to say his name for Vanya to know she was talking about Teldryn.
"I don't know," Vanya hedged. "Gjollmir is pretty feral, he probably would do something like that to himself." She wasn't sure if she actually believed that, but she wasn't sure she believed that Teldryn would go to such lengths, either. She bit her lip as she mulled it over. He was really close with Captain Veleth...
"Like I said, it's just a theory," the dunmer said as she sat up. "But the important thing is, he's gone now and you can come out of your hole."
Vanya nodded, not bothering to tell Bralsa that she wasn't 'in her hole' just because she was afraid of Gjollmir bothering her again.
Bralsa yawned. "Well, goodnight. I just wanted to tell you that." She pushed herself off the bed to leave.
"Goodnight," Vanya replied absently.
Would Teldryn really go and break the man's fingers? She remembered the murderous look on his face as he pulled out his dagger and she knew the answer. Gjollmir certainly deserved it. Despite her apprehension over the show of force, deep down- somewhere underneath her civility- she was pleased. But he should not have felt the need to do it. Why did he? Did he feel obligated? He knew better than anyone just how helpless she was.
She set the book in her lap on her nightstand and settled in under her blanket. She would live the rest of her life depending on the kindness of others and sometimes that kindness would likely take the form of terrifying violence. How was last night so different from the situation with Slitter? She was petrified of Slitter, yet Teldryn was capable of the same brutality and she didn't fear him at all. She hugged herself as she tried to reconcile the two sides of him in her mind but as she did so it became clear that there was not two sides to him at all. Bloodshed came as naturally to him as his sharp humor. It was a given that anyone she met had probably maimed or killed another in the course of their life.
She buried her face in her pillow to muffle her crying. She didn't want to get used to it, she didn't want to be a part of it. She wanted to go home.
