CHAPTER THIRTY

Jacob Black was certain of two things.

One, he wished he could wake up nestled against the girl he was quite possibly in love with every single day.

And two, being stared down by the mother of said girl after being caught in her bed was absolutely fucking terrifying.

With Zora's confession and the kiss they'd come agonizingly close to sharing, the morning had begun on a near perfect note. While he didn't want to say goodbye—he wanted nothing more than to lay beside her for the rest of the day—he was eager to meet up with her later, eager to finally have the talk he hoped would solidify whatever it was that existed between them into something more.

He'd been gazing at her with a tender smile, half of his body hanging out of her bedroom window when—in a frightfully calm voice she knew both of them could hear—Autumn summoned Zora and him to the kitchen; and both frozen with heart-pounding fear, the intimate atmosphere surrounding them dissipated.

"Make sure to bring Jacob with you."

Somehow, she had seen them together, and as he recalled the way he'd been wrapped around Zora—and the not-so-PG-13 thoughts that swam through his mind whenever her thigh brushed against his own—his face burned.

"We're screwed," he'd whispered, his wide-eyed expression matching the panic coursing through both of them. "What do we do?"

His question hung heavy in the air, remaining unanswered as Zora paced back and forth. For a long, silent moment, she strode from one end of the room to the next, chewing on her bottom lip as she contemplated his words. He'd hoped the solution would be easy, painless—"Let's disappear and get new identities!"—but as her movement came to an abrupt halt, a look of defeat meeting his uneasy frown, he knew the answer would involve both of their suffering.

"We have to do what she says."

And so, the two of them made the arduous trek down the hallway and into the kitchen, carefully avoiding the gaze of her mom as they shamefully sat themselves across from her. It was where they currently remained, digging into a breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and sliced fruit in the most uncomfortable silence Jacob had ever experienced. Part of him wanted to ease the tension by complimenting the food, but having felt the heat of Autumn's narrowed eyes on him, he decided it was smarter to keep his head down, his mouth shut, and pretend he didn't exist.

They continued on this way for what felt like an eternity (but really, had been about ten minutes), quiet breathing, chewing, and silverware clanking against ceramic plates being the only noises in the room; then, Autumn placed her fork and butter knife atop the floral-embroidered tablecloth, clasped her hands, and leaned forward.

Universe, if you're listening, please make sure I walk out of here alive.

"So, Jacob…it's nice to finally meet you."

He gulped, slightly raising his head to meet her eyes. "I – um, it's nice to meet you, too, Ms. Medina."

For a brief moment, he imagined her saying, "Nonsense! Call me Autumn!" like the parents in a corny sitcom who were meeting their eldest child's love interest for the first time—with a well-timed laugh-track echoing in the background, of course—but the image (and his hope that he could still win her approval somehow) withered away quickly, trampled by the frown that remained etched into her face.

"Anyway," she continued, her voice firm as she looked from him to Zora, "I'm sure the two of you could imagine my surprise when I poked my head into my daughter's room to tell her breakfast was ready and found two sleeping teenagers instead of one."

His heart rate spiked in tune with Zora's, and face sheening with a layer of nervous perspiration, he followed her lead, stammering a series of frantic, nearly-unintelligible apologies while she delivered a fabricated explanation.

"I'm so sorry—"

"—We were hanging out—"

"—I didn't mean to—"

"—stayed up too late and fell asleep—"

"—it'll never happen again—"

Autumn exhaled a deep sigh, already exhausted from having to sort through the gaggle of words shouted at her. After letting the chaos continue for entirely too long, she raised a finger to her lips, immediately silencing the babbling duo.

"Listen, you two…as shocked as I was, there's no need for you to be sorry." And much to Jacob's (and Zora's) disbelief, her mouth quirked into a small smile. "I'm not angry with you. I know what it's like to be young and completely head over heels for someone, which is why I want to make sure that both of you understand the importance of safety."

Safety? Jacob thought quizzically, his eyes meeting Zora's who responded with a quick, clueless shrug.

"But we are safe, Mom," Zora said naively. "Nothing's going to happen to us."

Her response earned a raised eyebrow. "That's not the kind of safety I was referring to."

Autumn then excused herself to retrieve something from her purse, and as she padded to the living room and rummaged through the large pleather bag, Jacob and Zora used the brief moment alone to exchange puzzled looks.

"What's she talking about?" he questioned, his voice low enough that only Zora could hear it.

She replied with a whispered, "I have no idea."

However, their expressions, both identical in their confusion, quickly morphed into pure, unadulterated horror upon Autumn's return, because in each of her hands was a box of condoms and a series of laminated diagrams.

"Alright—let's talk sex, consent, STIs, and preventing pregnancy."


One seemingly-endless and excruciatingly-awkward hour later—one in which Zora and Jacob attempted to shield their eyes multiple times—Autumn concluded what she called a "necessary educational discussion" (and what Zora deemed a calculated solution to keep Jacob from entering their house ever again).

She couldn't even make eye contact with him as she walked him to the door, and after confirming that she'd speak with him later—and pretending the box he'd been forced to take didn't exist—she shut the door and whirled around, stalking towards her mother's bedroom.

"Seriously, Mom?"

She stood in the doorway with her arm's crossed, glowering at the shorter woman who sat cross-legged on the bed, flipping through a magazine and looking too pleased with herself.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"Couldn't you have just grounded me again instead of being so embarrassing…and graphic?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Zora. It was information the two of you needed to know. Besides, the last time I tried grounding you, it didn't work."

"Still!" Zora exclaimed, throwing up her hands in exasperation. "That was humiliating!"

"Honey, there's nothing wrong with having a conversation about safe sex practices—"

"Um, yeah, there is. Especially when it's your mom talking about the different ways you can contract chlamydia!"

Autumn looked up from her magazine then, the anger in Zora's voice and her deep frown producing a steady flow of guilt. She exhaled a sigh, placing the magazine on the nightstand and motioning for Zora to enter the room by patting the empty spot beside her. Begrudgingly, the younger girl trudged forward and sat down, falling back against the colorful quilt and eyeing the ceiling.

"You're right," Autumn began, "I probably went a little overboard—"

"A little?"

"Okay, okay…too overboard, so I'm sorry. You're my only child whom I worry about often, and now that you're getting older and developing relationships…" she paused to stroke her daughter's hair, "I want to make sure that you have the knowledge to make decisions that are yours and yours alone."

Although she wasn't happy about it, Zora felt some of her annoyance slip away, soothed by her mom's words and her gentle touch. "I understand, but you don't have to worry about me so much. I promise I'll be okay. Plus, Jacob and I, we're not…" she hesitated, her face flushing and her stomach flipping when the word sex popped up in her mind, "it's not like that."

"I understand," Autumn echoed, smiling down at her. "But it might be like that someday, meaning that it's my responsibility to help you be prepared and responsible and confident."

"Thanks, Mom." A swell of gratitude bubbled up inside of her; she was lucky to have a parent who didn't shame or scold her but was honest and supportive instead – however, that didn't mean her mother was entirely off the hook, which was why she mumbled, "I'm still mad at you, though."

Autumn chuckled. "That's completely fair. Hopefully, Jacob isn't too scarred, either."

Zora groaned, slapping a hand to her forehead as she recalled the way his expression changed from slight panic into absolute terror upon being showed a detailed diagram of the birth of a baby. His eyes darted toward the front door every few seconds, and like him, she had also contemplated making a hasty escape.

She still felt too embarrassed to face him, but overpowering that feeling was a flutter of restless excitement. Maybe it was because of the way he'd muttered, "See you later?" as he stood in the doorway, his demeanor soft and his voice hopeful; maybe it was the racing of his heart and the brightening of his smile when she'd nodded an answer of yes; or maybe it was because what had almost transpired between them earlier that morning, in her bed, the two of them so close it was nearly unbearable…was left unfinished. And desperately, she wanted to finish it.

"Are you sure about him?"

Her mom's question pulled her from her daydream, and dazed for a moment, she blinked and replied, "What?"

"Are you sure about him, about Jacob?"

She could hear no judgement in her mother's tone, could see only love and concern in her brown eyes, yet still found herself bristling slightly. And feeling Zora tense against her, Autumn continued with, "I don't mean any harm, sweetheart. I just…well, I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

To Autumn, "hurt" was an understatement. She had seen all of her daughter's sorrow, all of her grief and tears—all caused by someone who was supposed to be meant for her—and she didn't want her to go through that experience again. After all this time, the concept of imprinting still left her with a sour feeling. Zora was so young, too young to be tied to one person for the rest of her life. (That was why she had been excited to meet the young man who'd taken Zora on her first date, who'd smiled politely and firmly shaken her hand and promised to have her daughter home before her curfew – he was a possibility.) She'd never admit it, but Autumn was scared for Zora, scared that her choice was taken away, that she'd settle for less when she deserved the world.

She would support her always, trust her always, but it didn't make the fear any less prominent.

"I won't get hurt," Zora muttered in response.

Autumn pretended not to hear the small waver of uncertainty in her daughter's voice. Instead, she leaned over to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Okay, honey. I believe you."

Her words were enough to ease some of Zora's momentary anxiety, and while her own hesitation still lingered (and would continue to linger hours and days later), she pushed it aside, resuming her magazine-reading while Zora dozed off beside her.


Later that afternoon, Zora found herself taking up temporary residence in Leah's messy bedroom.

What had initially begun as a retelling of the previous day's events—including her date with Allen and leading all the way up to her morning with Jacob and her mother—turned into her sulking and aggressively eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while Leah laughed so hard that she almost pissed her pants.

"Wait, wait, wait! I just – I need to hear it again, one more time."

Zora grumbled several expletives under her breath, swallowing the last bit of bread. "It wasn't that funny, Clearwater. Quite the opposite, actually."

"Come on, Medina! Please, please!" the eldest girl pouted. "It's not nice to refuse your best friend."

Zora rolled her eyes and wiped a few crumbs from the corner of her mouth. "Fine, but this is absolutely the last time. I'm never talking about it again. Got it?"

Leah gave an eager nod, bouncing with excitement as made herself comfortable amongst the many pillows littering her bed.

"Okay," Zora exhaled deeply, pausing to gauge her friend's reaction. When she saw that Leah appeared to be calm, she continued. "So, like I said, as my mom was talking about…well, you know what she was talking about, she took out a banana and—"

She wasn't able to finish her sentence because Leah screamed the rest for her.

"She…she showed you…how to put on…a condom…with a fucking…banana!"

Her laughter was so loud Zora had to cover her ears, drawing the attention of Sue who, with wide, frightened eyes, burst into the room wielding a broom as a weapon.

("Everything's alright, Mrs. Clearwater," Zora had reassured her. "Leah's just having her daily psychotic breakdown.")

It took Leah almost eight minutes to quiet down, time in which Zora used to help Sue with washing the dishes and retrieving another sandwich. Once she was able to breathe properly again, her face red and stained with drying tears, she collapsed against the mattress with a contented sigh.

"Thanks for making my day, Zora."

"You're welcome," she said sarcastically. "So…what do you think?"

"What do I think about what?"

"Do you think Jacob will feel awkward talking to me?"

"Probably," Leah snorted, paying no mind to Zora's fallen expression. "But I'm one-hundred percent positive he'll get over it."

"How do you know?" Zora questioned, hating how small her voice sounded as she pulled on a loose thread sticking out of the comforter.

"Because he's so into you that he couldn't stay away even if he tried, even if his life depended on it."

Deep down, she knew Leah was right (though it was still nice getting reassurance). All of the signs were there, had been there for months. She knew, with total clarity, that Jacob reciprocated her feelings, but her old doubt was creeping in, making a home in her thoughts where it whispered that she was wrong, that all of her romantic moments with him had been a lie…a voice that grew increasingly loud now that she stood only a handful of heartbeats away from speaking to him and finally laying bare everything. But Leah's right, she kept telling herself. And she knew that what she felt in her heart, what she could feel from him, was true, too.

"Thanks, Lee," Zora smiled fondly. "You always know how to make me feel better."

"Only because I love you. And because you'd explode from stress. Plus," she said with a mischievous grin, "it was the least I could do after hearing such a fascinating story—"

"No, don't start—"

"—about condoms and—"

"I will murder you with your own pillows—"

"—bananas!"

Zora sighed, holding her head in both hands while Leah's limb-flailing shriek of laughter resumed.


The sun was just beginning to set when Zora arrived at Jacob's house.

Her anxiety had been nowhere to be found when she'd stood at his window and roped him into accompanying her to the beach, but now that she was (sober) on his front porch and avoiding eye contact with his dad, her body felt both unsteady and damp with nervous sweat.

"Hi, Zora," Billy grinned up at her. "It's nice to see you again."

"Uh – hi, Mr. Black—"

"You can call me Billy."

"Oh…of course. Thanks."

She knew she should've continued speaking, but for some reason—which was a combination of avoidance and the growing suspicion that Billy knew about the conversation between her, Jacob, and her mom—the pots of red and green chili pepper plants placed on either side of the door seemed to hold her attention more.

Luckily, Billy took notice. "I suppose you're here to see Jake, correct?"

She quickly met his gaze and nodded.

"He's out back in the garage. You're welcome to join him." And with such kindness it was impossible for Zora not to return his smile, he added, "I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."

Thanking him once more and parting with a timid wave of farewell, she turned and padded down the wooden ramp. As she moved closer to the backyard, she could hear the radio blasting some acoustic rock song she didn't recognize, the loud clang of tools against metal and Jacob's off-key singing clashing with the softness of the music. Despite the nerves roiling in her stomach (which grew in their intensity as she finally stepped into the garage), laughter bubbled up in her throat when he'd screeched the chorus.

"Nice work," she commented, greeting him with a round of applause as he crawled out from beneath the Rabbit. She was met with a radiant grin, and when his eyes found her own, she felt all of her apprehension melt away.

"Thanks. Figured I could try out for a singing competition someday," he joked, wiping his hands on the oil-stained rag hanging from his pocket.

"You'd totally win."

"Think so?"

"I know so," she said, not caring that the intensity of her voice would've made anyone within earshot cringe.

Because he was looking at her the way he'd looked at her earlier that morning, with tenderness and warmth and an air of determination—all three of which made her heart beat ten times as fast—and it took everything in her to stay rooted to her spot instead of rushing forward.

Talk to him first, she reminded herself, exhaling a deep, controlled breath. We need to talk.

Except before she could even say the words, Jacob had beat her to it.

"Wanna take a walk?"

She responded with a smile, allowing him to lead her out of the garage and into the expanse of green beyond the backyard. The walk was quiet, the two of them lost in the words they wanted to say, but couldn't – or rather, were hesitant to – verbalize. Neither realized they were following the previous night's trail until, through the tangle of long-limbed branches, they'd found themselves overlooking Second Beach. Silently, they'd jumped over the familiar barrier of driftwood, landing in the sand and walked down toward the shore.

The scenery surrounding them was tranquil; the clouds pink and thin like wisps of cotton candy, the gentle swell and crash of the waves, the sound of a family's laughter as they walked along the slippery rocks, peering down at the tide pools and marveling at the urchins and sea stars. It brought Zora a feeling of serenity, a feeling that seemed to slowly slip away like the dwindling light in the sky as she and Jacob walked side by side, arms brushing as they trudged through the wet sand. In its place was an encroaching anticipation, one that made her mouth dry and her throat close up and her hands tremble.

Because honesty scared her.

It forced her to be open and exposed, to put forth everything she worked so hard, so diligently to hide. It meant that once she said the words aloud, she was putting herself in a position of vulnerability, a position that could easily evoke pain.

And right now, Zora was terrified.

Even though she'd already told Jacob that she didn't want to push him away anymore, even though he seemed euphoric from her confession, there was the very real possibility that the two of them wouldn't end well, that her heart would be severed again. She'd already thought of several gut-wrenching outcomes—that they'd outgrow each other, that he'd lose interest and they'd drift apart, that he could find someone else, imprint on someone else—all of which resulted in their separation, and part of her wanted to save herself from the suffering.

But the other part of her, a part that thrashed against the crumbling walls surrounding her mind and heart, a part whose voice grew louder and bolder, said fuck it.

She could get hurt, they could break up some day, but fuck it. She didn't want to think of worst-case scenarios anymore. She didn't want to prepare for something that may or may not happen, didn't want to be stuck in her head or in her fears. She wanted to be present and in the moment, revelling in the heat of his gaze, in the fluttering of her stomach as she itched to wrap herself around him and never let go.

She wanted to be with him.

So—

"Fuck it," she whispered to herself, and pulling him to a stop in front of her, she said, "Jacob?"

He swallowed, the soft touch of her fingertips searing into his skin. "Yeah?"

"I have something I need to tell you."

Heart thudding wildly against his chest, he waited for her to continue.

"First, um – I'm sorry…about my mom. She can be a lot sometimes."

"Oh," he replied, a little surprised (and a little disappointed that she hadn't said what he hoped she'd say). His lips pulled into a small grin anyway. "You don't have to apologize. Billy actually mentioned it when I got home. Apparently, he was in on it the whole time."

"No way. I knew it!" she exclaimed, the two of them breaking into easy, lighthearted laughter. And when it eventually came to a quiet lull, when only the seagulls and the waves and the beating of their hearts could be heard, she took a few deep breaths, readying herself for her next set of words.

"Second, I meant what I said this morning. About not ignoring my feelings anymore." Despite wanting to look at her feet or out into the water (or really, anywhere but him), she held his gaze. And nails digging into her palms (because she was nervous, very fucking nervous), she continued with, "The truth is, Jacob, that I...I more than like you. I've always more than liked you. And I want you...I want us to be together."

Heavy silence fell between them, Zora a puddle of sweat and Jacob rendered still and blinking and speechless; however, his reaction (or lack thereof) didn't worry her this time. Instead, she waited for him to gather his thoughts, and when her fingers folded into his own, skin tingling where hers met his, he finally found his words.

"You…you want to be with me?"

She smiled softly. "More than anything."

Neither was sure who made the first move, but in the span of a heartbeat, there was no tangible space between them. His arms were tight around her waist, her fingers tangled in his hair, their foreheads pressed together, so close that when Jacob repeated the question he'd whispered earlier that morning ("Can I kiss you?"), all Zora had to do was breathe a faint yes before his mouth was on hers. And with their lips in perfect synchronicity, with her gasping breaths and hammering heart and the feeling of his body firmly pressed against her own, she melted into him, held in place by his grip and the gravity she'd felt the first time she'd laid eyes on him, the missing piece of her finally clicking into place.


(Revised 7/22/2022)