Teldryn knocked firmly on Bralsa's bedroom door, certain that he would not be waking her since this was the only place Vanya could be. He'd gone to her room in the Netch, surprised that the door was open. Neither she nor Niyya were present and a quick look around revealed only stacks of books piled around the bed he suspected belonged to Vanya. She was not on the beach, Glover's house was dark, the guard in the market more useless than the lantern post that held him up straight. She must be here.

His certainty wavered when he heard soft curses and a man's voice.

The door opened and his insides churned as he was greeted by a very disgruntled Bralsa wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"By the Daedra, what do you want at this hour?" she groused.

"Vanya is not here..." His words were more statement than question.

Bralsa's gaze sharpened as she blinked, now fully awake. "Why would she be here?"

"Who is it, love," Rodane asked as he peeked through the crack in the door. "Oy! Teldryn!" he greeted cheerfully.

"Not now," Bralsa said, shooing the breton as Teldryn's mind sifted through the possibilities of Vanya's whereabouts. The clap of the door shutting brought his attention back to Bralsa, who was now in the hallway looking up at him suspiciously. "Why would she be here?" she asked accusingly. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," he hissed, offended at her insinuation. He narrowed his eyes at the woman, wondering just how much she knew about Vanya. They were very close. He suspected she knew enough and if he wanted her help he'd have to give a little. He curled his lip before adding, "It's what I didn't do. I need to find her."

Bralsa sighed through her nose, contemplating for a few moments. "I think I know where she is."

"So," he said impatiently. "Tell me."

She looked up at him peevishly. "If she wanted you to find her, you would have. Here's how it's going to be, Teldryn," she said sharply. "I'm going to go talk to her and find out what it is you did or didn't do, and you are going to sit in your room and wait for her to come to you."

"Bralsa-"

"No arguments. If you care for her you will do as I say." He looked down his nose at her but said nothing, knowing when he was bested. "Now go on," she said with a dismissive wave. "I have to get dressed."


When had she become so awful? The things she had wanted to do, the horrible things she had wanted to say halted only by the way her rage had welled up like vomit, choking her with its acid. That cruel little dunmer had cut her open to bleed the pain she held so close. She had wanted to smear it on the girl's remorseless face.

Vanya wrapped her shawl tightly around her, sitting on the floor of the shack behind a barrel. The building was much fuller now, being used by the town guard for storage. Rirns still had his place in the corner and had only grunted lightly when she had entered, rousing for a moment before rolling back over to continue snoring. She wiped her eyes, pushing more wetness onto her face than off since the corners of her shawl were soaked.

Poor Teldryn. Poor, poor Teldryn. She had lost control of herself and struck his hand when he only meant to comfort. It was all wrong. She wanted to welcome his comfort.

She covered her mouth to muffle the sighing sob that escaped.

It couldn't be. Her heart was on Earth, scalded and reduced to ash, scattered by toxic winds. Lost without so much as a final glance, a press of his hand, one last desperate kiss before the grand future they had imagined for themselves was annihilated. She should have died with him.

"Oh, Sam," she muttered thickly.

What would he think of her now? Tossed into this world to be a plaything for the lowest dregs, a temporary amusement for those she considered friends. Her life a puff of smoke against the seeming eternity of theirs. She was nothing, insignificant.

The door to the shack creaked open and she made no move to see who it was.

"Vanya?" The familiar voice caused her to sigh in relief.

"Bralsa. I'm here."

The flickering flame of a candle came around the barrel, followed by her dear friend's concerned face.

"Hey," Bralsa said, setting down the candle as she crouched. She reached out and cupped Vanya's chin, lifting it to observe her tear-streaked face, ruby eyes hardening. "What on Nirn did he do to you?"

Rirns made his presence known, hollering, "Can't I get a moment's peace?"

"Oh, get a job, Rirns," Bralsa retorted as she settled in next to Vanya, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Please don't think badly of Teldryn," Vanya said. "He didn't do anything."

"So I've heard," she replied flatly, rubbing Vanya's shoulder, heaving a sigh. "I didn't think he'd do anything untoward but I see the way he looks at you." She squeezed lightly. "Sometimes things can be misinterpreted. What am I to think with you bawling like this while he's looking like a wounded animal? Honestly, I can't even pretend to understand what goes on between the two of you."

"There's noth-"

"Nothing?" Bralsa scoffed. "Is that what you were going to say? Nothing," she repeated with a mirthless chuckle. "I should have guessed."

Vanya pressed her face into Bralsa's shoulder. "Shut up," she muttered, the corners of her mouth curling up before gravity pulled them down once more. Bralsa's shirt grew wet as an untapped well of tears sprang forth and she curled her fingers into the fabric, hanging on while shuddering breaths threatened to wrack her to pieces.

Bralsa sat with her, soothing and stroking her hair until her cheeks were dry and sticky. She rubbed her shawl over her face with a sniffle.

"Oh, sweet girl," Bralsa sighed. "There is too much sorrow in you for one so young."

Vanya frowned. She wished that could be true. It seemed to her she always had just enough to whisper at the brim, waiting for a careless brush to spill over.

"We were petting the guar," she said quietly. "The herding girl came out to stop us. She- she called me Teldryn's pet. Like I'm some object. She wouldn't even speak to me."

"That bitch," Bralsa said emphatically.

"She really is."

They were quiet for a few moments before Bralsa spoke again.

"But I do need to say something about it and this might sound a little insensitive, Vanya, but you shouldn't take her comment personally. She doesn't know anything about what has happened to you. What she said is...well, besides being indelicate...is not an uncommon sentiment among mer." Bralsa grasped Vanya's shoulders and lifted her to look at her face. "It's hard for us, too."

She'd never thought of it that way. How it must feel to watch friends and lovers grow old, to have generations pass on leaving lifetimes of memories. Looking into her friend's eyes, she wanted to cry all over again.

"But I can't help myself." Bralsa poked her nose. "You humans are just too cute with your pink cheeks and round little ears."

"Bralsa," Vanya slapped her hand away, laughing despite herself. "You're not really helping."

"That smile tells me otherwise."

Vanya sat up and again rubbed her face with a frustrated groan. "I over-reacted. I was already kind of upset with him because he had left without telling me and she just tipped me over the edge. Gods, I was so angry."

"Wait," Bralsa said. "He left without telling you he was going?"

"Yeah," she replied, twisting one end of her shawl in her fingers. "It was kind of unfair of me to be so mad. It's not like he owes me anything."

"Now that's horker shit," Bralsa said sharply, causing Vanya to snap her eyes up. "If I just packed up and left one day would you be mad? Vanya, I'd be mad at you if you weren't. Why does he get a pass on common courtesy?" The dunmer gave her a light shove. "Because he's good-looking?"

Vanya huffed, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to protest but found that she couldn't.

Bralsa needled her shoulder with a finger, making suggestive hums until Vanya could not help but break out laughing.

Rirns cleared his throat loudly.

Bralsa rolled her eyes. "Let's get out of here, the air is foul. When I lived here I forced him to bathe every now and again."


She'd been in the storage shack. Yes, he'd come back to his room to wait as Bralsa had commanded but not before stalking in the shadows in the market to see where she was going. He should have known, it was obvious now that he thought about it. It had been difficult to not knock on the door.

He was stretched out on his bed, his head resting in his clasped hands, sleep evading him despite his exhaustion.

He needed to fix things, he needed to tell her how sorry he was for not even thinking of her feelings. His own feelings mattered not.

He blinked hard, his lids feeling full of grit.

What were his feelings?

Confusion.

That was for fucking sure.

Frustration.

Gods, she was maddening.

Fear.

His eyes narrowed. What was it he feared?

He brought his hands around his head, dragging them down his face with a groan. He didn't know. He didn't know anything. He just knew he needed her to not be upset with him.

His stomach growled.

And he was hungry.

It must be near morning and she'd be working. He debated going out for breakfast. After last night there was no way he wanted to face her in the tavern and he had no idea what her reaction to seeing him would be. He was at a standstill. He didn't know how to proceed.

His deliberation ended with soft snoring.


Vanya laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She hadn't slept a wink and she knew it was nearing time to get up. Wild thoughts whipped through her sleep-deprived brain. Thoughts that she couldn't shake.

She liked Teldryn. She liked his touch, wanted his touch. Wanted him.

She nearly gasped at the rush of heat that shot down her body at the admission. She wanted him bad.

In her previous life, she'd not been so prude as to save herself for marriage but she had always looked for serious relationships. She had always searched for the man to hold her heart and once upon a time she had found him. Now he was gone and her heart along with him, but she remained.

It had never occurred to her until her talk with Bralsa that she didn't need to worry about Teldryn wanting something serious. How could he? In fifty years she'd be old and gray and he would not have aged a day. He had said it himself, he only sought her friendship. Could that not include a few benefits?

She would never have considered such a thing before. A lot had changed since then.

She heard Geldis passing by her room, groaning as he stretched. She kicked off her blanket and rolled out of bed with a sudden wave of energy. She didn't know if she'd see Teldryn for breakfast or not but she was going to have a talk with him today. They both had some things to apologize for and she was ready to be finished with this awkward game. Things really didn't need to be so complicated.


Vanya huffed as she pulled up the last water bucket and set it on the ground next to the well. It was quiet in the market, the glow of the sun just above the horizon, magnified by the fog that cast hues of orange and pink into the ashen clouds. It was familiar, beautiful in its own way. Vanya could scarcely remember how blue the Earth sky could be.

"Niyya," she said as the redguard moved to pick up a couple of buckets. "I owe you an apology."

"For what," Niyya asked as she straightened up, leaving the buckets on the ground. Vanya's lips pulled into a small smile at the cool look in her friend's eye as she waited for an explanation. At least someone was willing to hear her say sorry. She turned around and sat against the well as she spoke.

"For being unfairly cold to you when you only wanted to help. I don't really know how to explain myself but I'm going to be better."

Niyya's expression warmed and she took Vanya's hand, sitting on the edge of the well next to her. "I just want you to be happy."

"Let me worry about that." Vanya looked down at their clasped hands, giving a squeeze. "I've been feeling a little...lost lately. I'm sorry I've taken it out on you."

"You're already forgiven, Vanya. I just wish you could remember your life before. I can't imagine what that must be like."

"I think it's better that I don't remember," Vanya said as she got up, hefting two buckets off the ground. "I'm here now, this is my life."

A/N: In the next episode of As the World Tur- no, that's not it...From the Ashes of my Heart: Who will apologize to who? Will Teldryn eat something? Will Rirns get a job?