A/n: This was written as a birthday gift to Kai last August, but I never posted it because I'm not confident about how people will react to my non-TyHil stuff. But with Mayblade starting from today on tumblr, I thought it was time to pull this one out from the shelves, dust if off and hope for the best.
From what I saw in the manga, I think Kai would have a close relationship with his mother, not in the sense that they talk every day, but that they are the only ones who understand what the other is going through without having to put it into words. This oneshot tries to capture one such moment, I hope you like it!
Obon – A Japanese tradition celebrated in the month of August, where Japanese people pay respects to the departed ancestors of their household.
Onigiri – Riceballs or jelly donuts as per the 4kids Pokemon dub XD
Komorebi – sunlight that filters through trees.
- x -
The scenery whizzed past beyond the window at an alarming speed and managed to keep Kai's attention for the entirety of the ride, it was a bit embarrassing to admit to himself that he had turned sixteen just last week and yet this was his first ride on a bullet train. His family did strongly believe in taking a private jet whenever and to wherever it was possible, so everything about this simple train ride seemed to excite him, the velvet fabric of the seats, the narrow aisle in between rows of seats, with majority of these filled with foreign tourists holding on to their huge and bright suitcases as they chatted away in languages he could only slightly understand. Next to him, his mother was lost in the book she was reading and hadn't turned her attention away from it since they the journey began, not even to check on Kai.
He wasn't bothered by her behaviour, rather he was grateful that she had put her foot down in front of his grandfather and insisted that they take the train like normal people for this visit to her hometown, instead of taking any of their usual, expensive means of transport. He wanted to thank her, but she was so engrossed in her novel that he thought it better to save the words for when they reached their destination. So Kai settled comfortably back into his seat and shifted his attention to the passing countryside scenery that he rarely had a chance to witness these days. He was visiting his mother's hometown for the first time since he had been a baby, having no recollection of it whatsoever, he couldn't help but look forward to the change of scene.
The reason for this sudden visit however, was grim to say the least, it was the season of Obon and her mother would be visiting her parents' graves to pay her respects and perform the necessary rituals. Kai having nothing better to do during his summer break, decided to tag along, just so he did not have to endure a silent and awkward dinner with his father and grandfather. Her mother's plan was to visit the graves first, and then she would take Kai sightseeing to spots from her childhood, after which they would be checking in at an inn, taking the train back to Tokyo the next morning as there were no seats available on the last one for the night. When he had first murmured his interest to tag along with her, the only thing on his mind had been to avoid being alone with the rest of his family, but now as they lunged deeper into countryside, there was a sense of excitement building up inside him, one that he hadn't experienced in a while.
Life without Beyblade was as dull as it gets, adding his grandfather's attempt to mould him into the perfect heir and his father's efforts to intervene and prevent that from happening only kept Kai annoyed and at edge all the time. But apart from his family's issues, there was no one else left to blame for the mundane, everyday life that he was leading now except himself. Somewhere deep down Kai had known, that Beyblade wouldn't last forever and neither would the space he had managed to create for himself there, and eventually he would have to come out of that comfortable shell and pick a path in life, either the options his grandfather had laid out for him or something of his own, but he hadn't imagined the speed at which his life would move forward and how quickly he would be stuck in the decision spiral.
A comforting thought was that he wasn't the only one struggling with this 'life outside of Beyblade' crisis, frequent conversations with Rei led him to believe that even his friend was troubled with finding the right balance between responsibilities and dreams. His Russian teammates were a little unreliable when it came to keeping in touch, but the occasional updates he received from them were filled with confusion over all the choices about their futures that were available to them. Kai hoped that he too could have the same liberty with deciding his future, rather than having two grown men argue about it constantly in his vicinity.
Possibly the only ones enjoying this time as much as they had enjoyed Beyblading were Max and Takao.
Max had promised his mother that after finishing middle-school in Japan he would return to America to continue his higher education there, and was thus currently attending the same school as Takao and the others. Kai's phone would often buzz at odd times with messages from the two inviting him to whatever shenanigan they had planned for the day, and on his worst days he would skip mandatory family dinners to tag along with his friends. On his best days, he would send an apologetic refusal and continue with his mundane routine.
Handling Takao and Max's energy without Rei wasn't easy for him, and seeing them happy and carefree like there was nothing in their lives that was burdening them, sometimes made him feel bitter and jealous inside. So he kept meetings with them for days when sitting in a classroom full of people still made him feel alone, for days when the tall, grey landscape of Tokyo that sprawled below his bedroom window made him want to puke, for days where he couldn't bother to think for himself and for days when he just wanted to feel what it feels like to smile.
His mother's company however, he did not mind at all.
She was the only one capable of silencing both his father and grandfather with her retorts, and the only one who did not seem to have any grand expectations from him. It was only when she was around that Kai was able to enjoy spending time at home, because she knew when to keep him company and when to leave him alone. While most of the time they spent together was in a comfortable silence, Kai knew that he could be honest with her about what he wanted, maybe which is why he hadn't been been spending time with her lately, since he had been so confused about what it was that he wanted for himself.
Maybe some time away from his usual life in the Hiwatari household was all he needed to clear his head, and in retrospect he had realised that there was not much he knew about his mother's side of the family, except that her parents had passed shortly after he had been born. In fact he knew nothing about how his father and mother had met, being from such different backgrounds, since he wasn't the type to sit around and have heart-to-heart discussions like these with his parents, but seeing as how far his mother's hometown actually was from the city of Tokyo, Kai couldn't help but wonder about his parents' first meeting. Or rather what his mother had seen in his father that led her to upturn her life from this part of the country and move to the big city.
When they reached their destination, Kai was taken aback by the small size of the station they exited at, up until this moment he wasn't aware that it was possible for a train station with only one platform to exist. As they walked, he stuck behind his mother like a shadow, wary of being left alone in an atmosphere he was not familiar with. The streets of the town were quieter and emptier than any he had ever seen, with green fields stretching unendingly on either side, making it impossible to avoid the sun shining at full capacity directly above them. Kai contemplated at many intervals to voice his concern about the long walk or the heat, but decided against it every time he glanced at his mother, who was smiling brightly as she walked with a skip in her step, a sight which was new to him and made him hold his tongue.
After walking for about twenty minutes, which felt like twenty hours to Kai, a small store finally came into view and his mother pointed it out, informing him that they needed to pick up a few things before heading to the cemetery. When they entered the shop, he wondered if his mother would be able to find what she was looking for within the scarcely stocked shelves, but before he could voice his concern he saw that she was already at the counter with a few items in her hand, chatting with the elderly couple who sat behind it. From the bits of conversation he could hear it seemed that they were acquaintances of his late grandparents. The conversation lasted for a while and as antsy as Kai felt, he couldn't bring himself to move closer to his mother and tell her that they should get going in fear of being introduced to the couple and having to make small talk. So he lingered, as he had done since they started the trip, and hoped that his mother would eventually catch the hint.
Soon after they progressed to the cemetery, and he immediately started missing the roof and the overworked AC from the shop. He wondered why the summer season had been picked to celebrate the departed souls when August heat could get so sticky and unbearable at times. But he couldn't really voice his complaints out loud since he was of no help to his mother, his feet shifting restlessly against the cement occasionally with guilt over how he knew nothing about the practices that Obon entailed. However, Misaki didn't care to ask for his help either, she went about cleaning and decorating the graves without a word and only when the incense was lit, did she finally turn to him and told him it was time to pray.
They joined their hands in unison and Kai watched as his mother closed her eyes with a calm expression settling on her face. He turned his gaze towards the grave and read the characters inscribed into the stone, he assumed the largest one in the middle was his mother's family name, and it struck him then when he couldn't read it's correct pronunciation, that there really was so little he knew about who she had been before she became a Hiwatari. Even after he spent a few minutes contemplating the various readings of the characters on the stone, his mother continued to pray in silence leaving him with no choice but to close his eyes and follow suit.
To some extent, Kai had been dreading this moment. Once the world around him disappeared from his view, it was just him and his thoughts, the kind that he didn't enjoy facing. It wasn't as if he could say a prayer for his grandparents who he knew nothing about either, he hoped of course that they were at peace for his mother's sake, but there wasn't much to wish for beyond it. And yet he knew, that if he stepped back before his mother would not be happy with him, she wouldn't scold or reprimand him, but she wouldn't be happy and he couldn't risk losing her from his side. So he stood with his hands joined and eyes closed, attempting to keep a blank mind and at the same time, wondering how had he become this person who couldn't be bothered to think of a few well meaning prayers for his deceased family members.
To say that he was relieved when his mother's voice drifted into his ears telling him that it was time to leave was an understatement, and he hoped that it hadn't been visible on his face for her to catch whiff of it.
"Luckily my house is close by, so we won't have to walk too much again."
"I see."
This was all they said to each other as they exited the cemetery to visit her childhood home. Kai had thought that it would be better if they checked into their inn and rested a bit before heading out in the heat again, but since his mother was not sure about whether her house still had an active electric connection it was decided that they'd visit it before sunset. This time they didn't walk completely in silence however, as Misaki would point out little things every now and then, like her elementary school which was now an abandoned plot, or a market street where she would hang out with her friends after school that was now lined with shutters and closed signs. The dreary state of her town didn't seem to deter her from sharing her stories with Kai, her soft yet excited voice being the only sound surrounding them through their stroll.
Once they reached her house, Kai understood her decision to come here during the day. The front yard was covered in weeds and grass as tall as his knees, and when they slid the wooden door of the entrance, a heavy cloud of dust greeted them enthusiastically. While the outside was covered with unwanted shrubbery, the inside of the house was covered in dust and the occasional cobwebs, and yet his mother stood in the centre of the hall, a nostalgic smile gracing her face and lighting up the dullness of the unkempt house.
Seeing her walk around the house all happy and giddy made Kai realise that this wasn't such a bad idea after all. For the first time since he'd gotten on the train this morning, he felt a soothing sensation settle in the pit of his stomach and he relented to it, a small smile appearing on his face for a brief moment as he watched her mother run a hand across the walls, not caring about the dust that latched onto her fingers, her face displaying every emotion she felt about being back to where she grew up so vividly. Kai decided that it was best to let her have her moment, and explored the house by himself. It was old-fashioned and just enough to fit a family of three, his own bedroom back at the Hiwatari mansion was almost the size of the whole house. But still his mother was happy being back here so he could only assume that despite the stark contrast it held to their current house, this place must hold many happy memories.
He exited into the backyard by mistake and was surprised to see that instead of just weeds, white dandelions had taken over what once would've been a beautiful garden. Sitting on the edge of the wooden floorboard, he took in the sight of the lightly swaying dandelions and allowed the exhaustion from the long walks of the day to catch up with him closing his eyes and leaning back on his palms. Sometime later he was joined by his mother, content from all the reminiscing, she served them some iced Barley tea from a thermos and a few onigiris that they munched on in silence, shielding their eyes from the sun that shined stubbornly down upon them. It had been a while since he shared a peaceful meal with his mother, as he had been avoiding her of late, and it finally allowed him to feel less conflicted than usual.
He wouldn't mind if they spent a few more days in this town that seemed to have nothing but still oddly made him feel like he was home, Kai thought to himself, surprised by his own train of thought.
"I used to hate it here."
Kai opened his eyes and turned to face his mother with a raised eyebrow at the sudden statement, just when he had started to think that this was perfect hideaway for the two of them, his mother's words brought back the wariness in him.
"I was always so jealous of my other friends with big houses. Always fought with my mother and felt embarrassed by my father." Misaki chuckled, shaking her head she added, "I used to hate studying but I wanted to get out of here so desperately that I spent hours in my room, cramming and cramming so I could get into a University in a proper city."
"I wouldn't have guessed it." Kai mumbled after a pause, just a while ago he had concluded to himself that his mother must've had a happy childhood by what was visible on her face, even though he hated when people assumed that he was content just because he was a Hiwatari. He reminded himself to observe others in the same light that he chose for himself.
"Of course not, I don't talk about it often."
He wanted to respond with how they didn't talk about anything often but he kept quiet.
"But I still feel happy being here, the person I used to be when I lived in this house might have not been the best version of myself, but it's still a part of who I am today."
This statement was meant for him, that much Kai was sure of, but in what sense he couldn't decipher yet. He waited for his mother to follow it up with an explanation, but she stayed quiet and since he wasn't the type to nudge people, the two went back to their remaining food and staring ahead in silence.
At the edge of the garden closely stuck to the boundary of the house, was a maple tree, it's leaves now a pale green at the onset of summer. Visible beyond the house's boundary were fields stretched out as far as one's eyes could see. To Kai the vastness of the empty space was a little overwhelming as he was used to the views of Tokyo where the concept of empty space had pretty much disappeared. He wondered how he would've felt growing up in a house like this, would he have had the same thoughts as his mother? Would he have resented the lack of options the small town provided? Would he still have ended up as unhappy and bitter with his life as he was as the heir to a rich family business? He glanced at his mother and found her smiling at the scene ahead of them and it still confused him, how she could manage to look back so fondly on memories that held no joy in them.
"I was glad when you asked to come with me today." Misaki turned her head to face him with a chuckle, "Even if you hadn't, I was planning to bring you here anyway."
Kai nodded in reply, the words that he would've done anything to get out of the house were at the tip of his mouth but he held them back.
"I don't know if it turned out to be of much help though," His mother continued, a thoughtful look appearing on her face as she lowered her gaze and began packing up the leftover food, "I suppose I just wanted you to know that you're not alone."
"I don't understand…"
The words slipped out before he could ponder over his reply and choose the correct response. Out of all the things that his mother had shared with him today this was easily the most confusing statement. Of course he knew he was not alone, they lived in a house with two other family members and a bunch of servants, he had many acquaintances and friends spread across various countries, he spent most of his day at school where he was surrounded by plenty of other students. It was impossible for him to be alone, but it wasn't what he wanted for himself either, what he wanted was to be understood and he doubted if his mother was able to grasp that.
"Oh?" His mother asked, taken aback that her words had not had the effect she had expected them too. Once she set aside the last bit of their lunch back into her bag, she folded her palms on her lap and fixed him with an apologetic look, "I'm sorry if I didn't explain it well enough."
"What I want to convey to you Kai, is that…" She paused, her dark eyes drifted towards the maple tree, watching the leaves lightly sway against the almost non-existent wind, and when she glanced back at him they were shining with an emotion that he wasn't yet familiar with, "that to parents their children really do grow up in the blink of an eye, but in reality that's not the case."
"Your father and your grandfather act like tomorrow you will wake up and turn a corner, and suddenly come face to face with your future, but we all know that that's not what's going to happen."
His mother stood up and stretched her hands over her head, and as she walked through the shabbily overgrown garden towards the maple tree she continued to talk, "When I was your age, I sat beneath this tree with my best friend and we promised each other that we'd become idols." When she finally reached the tree, she turned around and leaned her back against it, laughing out loud at the shocked expression Kai had made at her words, "Yes, hard to believe isn't it? But that's how it is."
"Maybe in two years you will start to agree with your grandfather and want to join a university that will help you prepare for taking over the company. Or you still won't know what you want to do and would go on a backpacking trip like your father."
While the sun had been following them around all day, when his mother stood under the tree she was out of it's reach. Still it tried to get to her, with the sunlight scattering through the leaves and forming a speckled pattern on her peach coloured face.
He felt a twitch at the corner of his lips, Kai had been listening carefully everything his mother was saying and it finally struck him, what she had meant when she said that he wasn't alone.
She had spent the same amount, if not more, of time as him being misunderstood by the people around her, but in the end she had still managed to find happiness for herself, maybe not in the way she had wanted to, but happiness nonetheless. To watch her speak so lightly of the grand plans that his grandfather and father had thrust upon him, was surprising but he realised, that that was exactly what he needed. He needed someone to tell him that the decisions he was supposed to make wasn't the most important ordeal of his life, that it was okay if he was laidback and spent each day doing whatever he wanted rather than making it count towards his future.
The relief of understanding must've been visible on Kai's face as he the warmth of his mother's smile reach him despite the distance between them.
"You know Kai, if you think of these leaves as your future," Misake raised a hand above her head and ran her fingers across the leaves within her reach, "then you must become the sunlight that filters through in bits and pieces, and not shine down upon it all at once."
It was an odd analogy, but it still managed to stick with him for the rest of his life. It allowed him to move forward by taking one step at a time, and if he ever made a mistake or hit an obstacle, he could easily step back and start again. Though Kai always doubted what the true purpose of their trip had been, as he never saw his mother return to perform the Obon rituals after their visit together. The thought that she had done all of that to make him feel better and take his mind away from the dreariness of life always stuck with him, along with a thank you that never made it out through his lips.
- x -
A/n: Would love a review, criticism or any kind of feedback. Thank you for reading!
