DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me. I just love playing around with the characters we all know and love. :-)

Authors Notes:

***EPOV. How will he handle this?

CHAPTER #6: Impartial choice

EPOV

"Mr. Cullen?" I looked up at Carmen, my assistant and she frowned at me. I realized that 'looked' might be the wrong term as I read her rather displeased expression. 'Starred off blankly' might be more accurate. I sighed and waved for her to continue. "What's the matter with you?" I narrowed my eyes at that and she crossed her arms over her chest in challenge. She was one of the few people who weren't afraid of me in this place, and I actually liked that about her. She was always honest with me, good and bad.

"Nothing Carmen, please just finish." She'd been going over my schedule for tomorrow before we left for the day and I had zoned out for most of it. I really needed to snap out of it. This was a very busy week for me and I needed to focus.

20 years old. FUCK, there's that god damn thought again. Ever since Bella told me her age it's been an irritating buzz in the back of my head that I can't seem to escape. TWENTY years old. She's 15 years younger then me. She was as close to my 5 year old daughter's age as she was to mine. It was ridiculous, and above that it was impossible. There was NO WAY I could pursue a relationship with a 20 year old. It was... it just couldn't happen. Knowing this 'couldn't happen' didn't curb my desire to punch something though. I didn't WANT to know what I couldn't have. I wanted it all, I want her... but...

Carmen sighed loudly, pulling me out of yet another spaced out line of thought. She seemed to give up on trying to get me to focus so instead we would be in the office a little early the next day for her to go over the plan for the day. I was extremely grateful, as my office walls felt like they were crushing me. It was Tanya's weekend with Lizzie as well as her Friday so I had absolutely nothing to do for the weekend starting tonight (Friday). I always threw myself into my work on my off days from Lizzie, working as many hours as I could, so that I could work less on my days with her. It usually worked quite well and even Carmen had adjusted her own personal schedule so I could spend time with my daughter. Carmen really was an amazing PA and she went out of her way to fulfill anything I needed.

…...

As I drove home I couldn't get Bella out of my head. Granted I couldn't get her out of my head most days, as illustrated by my wasted day today. The problem was that the thoughts seemed to be getting worse and more frequent. It had been only a couple days since finding out our budding relationship was impossible and I was getting more pissed about it as the hours passed. I hadn't had such a connection with a woman in a long time. Hell I may never have had a connection like I did with her. She was so much more then I could have ever dreamed of.

When I first met her I knew she was beautiful, sweet, kind, devoted, and an easy blusher. That thought made me smile unintentionally. GOD, her blush. I had always liked sweet, innocent girls but they were so few and far between that I hadn't even thought about the preference since... I didn't even know when. Then I go to that 'meet the teacher' event... and there she was. Not to sound pathetically cliché, but there was my dream girl. Big brown eyes, long warm brown hair, petite, soft, kind... She was so God damn perfect that it was unbelievable. After just speaking with her for a few minutes I was already able to identify that she was patient, smart, and absolutely amazing with my daughter.

Lizzie was a sweetheart but she had some of me in her, giving her a little bit of a guard with new people. Bella brought down that defense immediately. Even my mother, who Lizzie was closest to after me, couldn't get Lizzie to confide in her about her struggles with writing. Bella comes along and instantly gets Lizzie to not only open up, but to easily accept help. That was another thing Lizzie got from me, pride. She did things on her own and she HATED asking for help.

Christ, why did Bella have to be only 20 years old? I knew she was young when I saw her the first time, even thinking that she looked like she could be 18, but I never imagined her to ACTUALLY be younger then 25-26, considering the prestigious school she worked for. FUCK, I had wanted her the first time I saw her, and that feeling only got stronger with each meeting. The second time, hell before I even saw her that day, she calmed me down instantly over the phone, giving me the only thing in the world that could have comforted me, Lizzie's voice.

Seeing her after I arrived to pick up Lizzie, watching as she cried over MY daughter's distress. How could I not become enthralled with her? When I had touched her, just briefly, her warmth had blown me away. The heat wasn't from temperature, but from the actual feel of her. She was incredible, there was no other word for it. She had called herself overly sensitive, I call it perfection.

Then there was our last meeting... When I got to the art classroom, purposely getting there late so I didn't have to share my time with her, with any other parents. I loved watching her with Lizzie like that. I couldn't resist standing back and watching them for a couple silent minutes before saying anything. Lizzie was so happy, helping Bella clean up the room and they both were laughing and talking so easily. Lizzie being so happy... whether that was from the class or from simply being with Bella, who knew, but I wanted it to never end. Either way it was BELLA that had caused it. Bella that had made my little girl so happy, so easily. When I had been able to take my eyes off my bright and happy little girl my eyes went to Bella herself and she was... WOW. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED Bella in a dress as they fit her so well, sweet and perfect, but God... seeing her in skin tight pants... no words.

I couldn't resist pushing her comfort level a bit and as usual she didn't disappoint when it came to her reaction. That blush of hers when I found out about her little admirer, absolute perfection. She was so red I couldn't take my eyes off her. How was it possible for someone to be so sexy and so adorable at the same time? Granted when I first heard about a 'boyfriend', I wasn't exactly finding the situation cute. I was jealous as all Hell, plain and simple. When she had blushed at the mention of this unknown guy I honestly wanted to hit something. That was MY blush and the idea that another man made her do it had pissed me right... the... fuck... off. It was irrationally violent as I'd only spoken to Bella a few times, but the emotion was there regardless. That was the moment I officially knew that my interest in her was more then casual, much much more. Thankfully the situation was cleared up quickly and I had to use the information to tease Bella relentlessly. Her timid, shy innocence was such a turn on, and I just couldn't resist bringing it out.

When Lizzie had practically asked Bella out for me, I jumped at the opportunity. Seeing her outside of the classroom, I would get to know the real her. I was happy Lizzie had done it as there was no way Bella would refuse my little girl. She walked into the restaurant, of course in another dress, and her nervousness just made her more endearing. I tried to make it easy on her as it was quite obvious that she was very nervous about being out with us, or at least with me. Sure I still flirted a bit but mostly I just talked to her, told her about me and learned everything I could about her.

I learned more than I could have imagined and all of it just made me want her so much more. I've had quite a few first dates over the last couple years but nothing really resulted for any number of reasons, but it all just clicked into place with Bella. I had absolutely loved that she admitted she had no idea what a CLO was. It might sound ridiculous but that was actually a huge turn on for me. Most women would either pretend to know or change the subject, not Bella though. She asked what it was and really listened when I explained, asking more questions until she understood. She commented that the job sounded nerve-racking and asked if I enjoyed the stress, where most would comment that it must pay well or something else not so personable. She'd asked how I'd decided I wanted to do something like that and had laughed at my answer when I told her the truth, I liked the control and respect it gave me. She even called me a control freak when I told her that and teased that she wasn't at all surprised by that. I doubted I'd ever wanted to kiss a woman more in my entire life then in that moment. Bella was usually so quiet to the point of being meek, so her getting a bit snarky was incredibly hot, especially knowing it was a side of her that very few probably ever saw. I settled for not taking my eyes off her but the urge to kiss her only persisted and I had to fight that desire repeatedly. The way she had relaxed with me in that booth and smiled so brightly, how could I not want to?

One of my favorite things that she asked was what branch of law was my favorite and which was my least. I had NEVER had a woman ask me that, not even Tanya did. After I told her, she asked if it had changed from when I first pursued my legal education, essentially asking if law still held the same meaning for me that it used to. Again no one had ever asked me anything as insightful as that before about my job, not even my family. Every question I answered she seemed to have more questions that built off of it. She was really listening and interested in what I said. Most people without any sort of background in law would have been lost at my explanations but she had no trouble asking me to explain things in detail so she could follow. She even used the phrase 'speak in lay-men terms councilor' when I spoke to many legal terms, which made me laugh. She may be a Kindergarten teacher but she definitely had the mind to be anything she wanted. She would probably make a great lawyer if she wanted, simply because of her great mind for facts and information, plus her clear love of learning. There was no denying that she was a natural teacher though, with her kind heart, open arms, and patient mind.

She's more then young enough that if she wanted to switch careers to law she could go to law school and graduate in time to still be younger then most other starting attorneys. I wanted to punch my own brain for that thought. Everything came back to her age.

How can someone so impossibly perfect be so impossible to have? I felt ridiculous for feeling like that but I couldn't help it. I've been divorced for over a year, separated about a year before that, and I hadn't really dated since my marriage ended, aside from a couple very brief casual things that didn't go very far. I wanted a relationship and until that revelation my focus had been singularly on Isabella Swan.

I hadn't wanted to bluntly ask her age, which was why I had casually taken the chance to mention the years of my own graduations, knowing she would most likely do the math to figure out MY age. If she did do the math there was no sign that she was at all discouraged by the gap we shared. I had taken that as a sign that maybe the gap wasn't as bad as I thought, but I was wrong.

20 years old. Yep, there's that buzz again. 15 years younger then me. When she had said she graduated high school early I hadn't really put the pieces together, but eventually with more hints towards her youth, I HAD to know. I swore she saw the question in my eyes before I asked it and she looked so resigned. It was like she knew something I didn't, like she knew exactly what answering would mean.

I had felt like such an asshole after she told me. I was actually grateful that I had a couple minutes to process the information while she took Lizzie to the bathroom. The entire night I'd been debating HOW to ask her out for real, but after she told me, those plans vanished. I knew on some level that was completely unfair but really what choice did I have?

When it comes to a future could we honestly have one? Truthfully I just didn't see it. She's so young, vibrant, and has the world before her. She's incredibly smart and has obviously sacrificed much of her adolescence to accomplish her goals in life. Where does that leave her now? Does she want to socialize? Party?...Date... a lot? I know for a fact I'm not looking for casual anymore and I sure as hell am not willing to allow the woman I date to date other men at the same time. I'm way to possessive and jealous for that kind of shit. If I was really being honest with myself, I knew that if Bella WAS mine I would be FAR worse then I could probably imagine when it came to getting jealous. Any man with eyes would see how amazing she is and would want her and that was not something I would tolerate well.

I tried not to work myself up with those thoughts but the thoughts had already taken root. The idea that she eventually WOULD date someone was pissing me off almost as much as the thoughts that I couldn't date her myself. I know I was thinking far to possessively but I want her, impossible or not, I still do. My logical side argued against everything else in me. How much would we have in common when it came to a future, or even a present? I'm not interested in partying... I've already done all of that. I want serious and I'm not willing to settle for less. Would that be a fair thing to put on her? A relationship that's serious from the word 'go' is a lot to take on for someone so young with few of her own responsibilities outside her job, but I'm far to old to want anything less. I want and need serious, nothing else will suffice and I wont settle for anything less from my partner. That seemed incredibly unfair to put on her. We wouldn't be able to have some slow developing courtship though, where we just see each-other whenever it worked out. I have a demanding job, a large very involved family, and of course a child. All of those things meant my time was precious and that all of those things would intersect on any potential romantic life of mine. Was that right? Was it fair to put so much pressure on someone who was bringing no such baggage of their own?

Bella's well within her rights to do all the same stuff that others her age do, things that I've done as well. She's not even 21 yet. Wont she want to go to clubs once she is? I'm not a prude and I would be perfectly fine with her having a good time but I would feel duty-bound to go with her, simply out of concern for her safety. Wouldn't she hate that?

"Uggggg." My own head was not a good place to be right now. I needed to stop thinking of this but it was damn near impossible. Sadly thinking about a future inadvertently made me think of the past, namely Tanya. I made many mistakes in my life and she was the catalyst of a series of them. Why had I dated her to begin with? Why had I stayed with her so long? Why on earth had I married her? I could never regret having a daughter with her but, Lizzie aside, she was my biggest mistake.

At first Tanya and I had a lot in common. Similar jobs, interests. Both of us were very much involved in our work which was great as I didn't have to deal with a woman getting jealous of the time I spend at my job. When Tanya and I were still dating we were able to make little visits with each-other at work, taking breaks and lunches together, and it was... easy. Even in college my devotion to my career had cost me just about all of my relationships. Being the workaholic that I was, I hadn't even been bothered by it. I had always known what I wanted and I wouldn't let anything pull me from that, even a relationship. That was the biggest plus with Tanya. She was equally devoted to her own career so she in no way resented mine.

The problem was that I changed. As soon as we became parents, my work was second to Lizzie, a VERY BIG second. Tanya did not change however and I grew to resent her early on after Lizzie was born. Family time didn't exist, it was simply Daddy/Daughter time. I loved being with Lizzie but if I was going to be alone in it... then I was going to be ALONE in it. I pulled away from Tanya so soon after we had Lizzie and Tanya didn't even notice. I don't know why we didn't divorce earlier but I eventually came to my senses. Tanya had been displeased to say the least. Not over me and certainly not over Lizzie, but over what people would say.

God that conversation made leaving her so much easier then a divorce involving a child should EVER be. She LOVED being a Cullen and when she knew she was going to lose it she was angry, resentful, and unreasonable. She made a big mistake when she threatened to take Lizzie from me if I left her. That did NOT go over well. Not to brag about my capabilities but I had the weight of an infinite amount of knowledge of the law, tied in with friends in high places. I also had right on my side. I wasn't stupid before asking for the divorce. I kept records of Tanya's negligence. I was the only parent present for everything in Lizzie's life and it showed when we went to court. I was granted primary custody easily, giving me final say when it came down to the wire in my daughters life.

Tanya had done everything in her power to try and keep my family name's influence but I had our prenuptial agreement, which she couldn't fight. I came from a very old family that protected one another. In the event of divorce, the non-blood member had to give up the name, plain and simple. It may sound ridiculous but considering how she tried to whore my family name out, I was grateful I had followed that family tradition.

Bella... God how I wanted her, but I really didn't think it could work. We were so different. Her age was likely to steer her in one direction while mine was likely to send me in the opposite. It wasn't even just on her end of things either. Was I ready to go through all of this again? Courting, introducing a woman to my family, meeting hers, making myself vulnerable to someone... Committing to a woman in a way I NEVER have before.

I wasn't delusional. I knew I would have to set time aside in my very busy life for a new relationship. I couldn't do what I did in college with a woman. I had to give a relationship my all. I had never had to do that with Tanya because of our equally unhealthy devotion to our jobs. I couldn't do that anymore and more importantly I didn't want to. I wouldn't introduce a step-MOTHER to Lizzie's world that was another Tanya... Bella... No she would certainly never be a Tanya, and Lizzie loved her so much already, it was almost perfect. However our relationship would likely go from 0 to 60 quickly because of their connection alone on top of all the other aspects of our relationship. Could Bella handle that? Hell, could I? I couldn't bring a revolving door of women around Lizzie. What would she think? What if she got attached and it ended?

I could literally make myself crazy with all this back and forth in my head. I needed a drink. Luckily I was FINALLY home. When I was married to Tanya we lived in a condo in the heart of the city. After we got divorced she wanted to keep it and I was happy to let her. It housed nothing but bad memories for me. Of course I wasn't going to let her have it for nothing. As it was I had paid close to 80% of the price of it as Tanya didn't have anywhere near the money I did. As a result I had forced her to buy me out of my 50% ownership. Not with money as she didn't have it, but with custodial rights. I had rights to 1/2 of a VERY expensive condo that she desperately wanted and couldn't afford without me. She had NOT liked giving me what I wanted but she was more willing to put up with it and continue to live outside her means then give up her status symbol. *Eye roll*

Regardless of it all, I happily took Lizzie to find a place all our own. I knew I didn't want a condo anymore. I already worked in a sky-rise and I had more then enough time in the condo lifestyle. I wanted a HOME, with neighbors and a yard for Lizzie. I was willing to suffer a small commute for that. After a lot of searching, I found the perfect place. It wasn't to far from the heart of the city, about a thirty minute drive, but the house was everything I could have wanted. I had taken Lizzie with me to see it the first time and she loved it instantly. It was much larger then we were used to with 6 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. Their were trees surrounding the house, making it feel like the house was in a forest even though the city was just a short drive away. A huge view of the lake backed the house and there was a wonderful sun room to help enjoy it. It was so quiet, no city noise and it was wonderful. The house had cost me a small fortune, way more then our condo had been, but it was all worth it.

I pulled into the garage and headed straight for the sun room to watch the stars. It was my favorite room in the house as I could cuddle up with Lizzie or simple sit and BE for awhile.

I sat in my favorite chair and was finally beginning to relax when I felt my cell phone ringing. I picked it up and saw that the call was Tanya.

"Hello?"

"Daddy!" I smiled as Lizzie spoke exuberantly. I had dropped her off at school this morning but Tanya picked her up as it was the start of their three day weekend together. I got 3 out of 4 of the weekends, thanks to the extra rights I had gotten in the divorce, but I still hated the one weekend I didn't have Lizzie.

"Hi Baby. How was school?" She immediately started telling me all about school, of course mentioning Ms. Swan at every available chance. Ms. Swan...

Ever since that night things had gotten so very strange between Bella and myself. I felt our whole dynamic shift and I certainly didn't like it. When she came back with Lizzie from the bathroom that night she made a quick get away and I didn't stop her. It was late anyway, we'd been talking for almost 3 hours, plus I had a lot to think about. She barely looked at me when she left, though she hugged Lizzie happily. Two days later, Thursday, the change between us was palpable, and Bella did not make it easy.

It wasn't that she acted angry or confused or any other array of emotions... she was fine. She was polite when I saw her again but she barely looked at me, keeping all her focus on whatever task she was performing. I wanted to kick myself when I accidentally called her Ms. Swan and not in the flirtatious way I usual did. It was obvious she instantly picked up on the difference and the shift from our... 'friendlier relationship' to a more 'professional' one as she immediately called me Mr. Cullen and hadn't called me anything else since.

GOD how was it possible that her making this so easy on me actually made it worse? I think I wanted her to confront me, argue with me... something... but she hasn't. She's just taken the shift with ease and grace. What I wouldn't give to get inside her head. What was she thinking? Was she just not interested? Had she realized my age and didn't want to get involved?

I continued to listen to Lizzie until she said her mom wanted to talk to me. I sighed as she handed off the phone. Tanya came on in good spirits so I tried to sound equally pleasant. She didn't want anything out of the ordinary, just to discuss pick up schedules and everything for the following week. We always did this so that if our schedules shifted the other was able to compensate. We really did try to keep things civil for Lizzie.

"I needed to discuss something with you." I nodded even though she couldn't see me. I suddenly got a sinking feeling in my stomach. It wasn't that there was anything off in her tone, she sounded normal, but I couldn't shake the feeling anyway. The silence seemed to either encourage her or at least not deter her as she continued speaking. "I was looking at my schedule and I really don't think that Eizabeth's art class on Tuesday's works for me." I was stunned. What? It was one class, once a week.

"What?" All I could do was parrot my confused thoughts. I wasn't even angry... yet, just lost.

"It's awfully long."

"School is generally out at 3. On Tuesday's it's simple 4:30." The timing worked well for me as I could take Lizzie out to eat to discuss her class or we would go to my families home to do the same. It was perfect timing with dinner.

"Yes, but I do all the budget reports on Tuesday evenings. I need to already have Elizabeth squared away before I get into all of that."

Count to ten, Edward. Count to ten, Edward. Count to ten... '1...2...3... OH FUCK IT! "What the hell do you mean by 'squared away'?!" I heard her sigh in annoyance. Oh hell no, she was not going to play this off as nothing. "Our DAUGHTER is not a report to be filed or a meeting to plan. She is a person... OUR person. She LOVES that class Tanya."

"It's just a silly art class for kindergartners. What useful life-skills could she be learning?"

"You tell me Tanya. Have you asked her once about the class? She talks about it non-stop with me." I really hoped that stung a little. Yes there was clear judgment and resentment in my voice now. I would always fight for Lizzie and she LOVED art. I was sure I would be buying her lots of art supplies into her teenage and maybe even adult years because of how much she loved it and I would... without complaint, because unlike her mother I supported her. I loved piano growing up, even though it had NOTHING to do with my law ambitions. Did my parents tell me it was a waste of time? Hell no. My mom got me lessons and my dad bought me a piano. They supported me, like parents SHOULD.

"She loved to draw before the class, with the class, and she'll probably still be drawing when she's out of it." She actually had the nerve to sound bored right now, and I fucking despised her for it. She was making it sound like pulling Lizzie from the class was already decided and meant nothing.

"She LOVES that class Tanya." I spoke clearly as I repeated Lizzie's feelings for the class, trying with all I had to keep from screaming. I couldn't stop seeing the look of devastation on Lizzie's face I would likely see if I told her she couldn't go to that class anymore. The image I had in my head made me sick to my stomach. I NEVER wanted to see that look on my baby girl's face. "That's why I put her in it."

"Technically you shouldn't have done that without asking me to begin with."

Oh she should NOT have gone there. "It's a little hard to get your opinion on anything involving Lizzie when you are never fucking around."

"I will NOT apologize for having a career."

"No one cares that you have a job Tanya. What I care about is that you seem to forget that you have a daughter as well." At this point we both raised our voices to each-other and it wasn't pretty. Unfortunately though, for once, she was prepared for our fight. She recited our custody agreement... the one I wrote, and reminded me about the education portion. It was a fairly standard clause stating that both parents had to mutually agree on any extra-curricular programs. I had put this in to benefit myself and Lizzie, so that Tanya couldn't enroll her in dance, or something else Lizzie hated. Sadly Tanya was using it against me now and I really didn't see a way out of it.

She was using the agreement I WROTE to actually hurt MY child. I didn't know if I hated her more right now or myself. I spent over a month working on that custody agreement. I had it done before I even presented the divorce to Tanya, not wanting anything dragged out. I thought I had put in everything for Lizzie's benefit. A college account for all child support, medical concerns, family time,... everything. I had gone over it with three separate family attorneys, all well recommended, but now I was stuck. I had no way of protecting Lizzie. I had failed her.

"I will make sure you regret this Tanya." I hung up the phone, unable to keep up the pretense of civility now. I took the glass I had been drinking from and chucked it as hard as I could, listening to it crash against a tree, and praying my little girls heart didn't shatter the same way.

END NOTES:

-PLEASE REVIEW

-I seem to always write the EPOV chapters with him being angry. LOL. Then again with an ex-wife like his who wouldn't be in need of a punching bag?

-Edward is certainly at war with himself. He wants Bella but can't shake their glaringly large age difference. Does anyone think he's being stupid, or are his concerns well-founded?

-Don't be harsh on my poor Edward. I'm a huge 'TEAM EDWARD' fan and I don't want anyone to hate him. Lol. I honestly don't want any of you romantics to think he's an asshole for his thoughts about Bella's age. He is a man with a lot of responsibilities and I think his concerns are more than fair. Truthfully I would feel the same way if I was him.

-Bella POV next. How will she take everything? Is she taking it all as well as she's come off to Edward, or is she good at hiding her real feelings? We shall see...

-This chapter was hard to write because I felt so bad for Lizzie. I know I made up her character but I still love her. :-( :-( I can't help it, I'm such a mom.

-I'm not trying to make Tanya evil... per-say, but I've seen so many parents that loose sight of their kids best interests in the face of their hatred of the other parent or their own silly lives. I wanted to show that.