Denial

"It's my mom."

"She's… She's dead."

"What?" Carlos gasps, taking a step closer but not touching him.

"My mom, she's gone." The words stumble past TK's lips, and his body follows. He straightens himself and shakes his head. He turns around and stares at the wall, past the wall. He blocks the laughs coming from the kitchen and his mind is suddenly in New York. He sees himself crying in his mother's arm after a bad day, sees the two making cookies in the kitchen, hears his mother's goodbye after dropping him at Hebrew class. Then Carlos' hand is on his shoulder and the fantasy shatters.

TK is back in the loft. The laughs filter back in, but then they suddenly stop. Everyone is quiet, taking tentative steps towards them as they realize that something is very wrong.

"What happened?" Someone asks, but he can't place the voice. It could have been Nancy or Marjan but sounds barely make it past the static in his ears so he can't be sure.

"My mom is dead." It's the third time he's said it, but it still doesn't feel true, because how can his mother be dead? Beautiful, healthy, badass Gwyn who just gave birth to his baby brother can't be dead. It goes against what the universe is supposed to be, and it just doesn't make sense. No one is supposed to bury a parent at 28.

"No, no, no." The phone falls out of his hand first and then TK follows. Carlos catches them both, the phone in his right hand, TK in his arms.

TK sees Carlos press the phone to his ear and his lips moving, but it's all white noise to him. He sees the horror in his friend's faces, and that's when he crumbles. Tears come first, so rapidly that it feels like his own pain is trying to choke him. Then he starts shaking and Carlos' arms tighten around him.

Time drifts away from him as TK closes his eyes. He feels like he's floating somewhere high above Austin. Somewhere where the pain can't touch him and all he feels is numb. He's lost in his mind, numbed by the words spoken to him over the phone, yet entirely aware of his mother's absence in this world.

"TK, you have to breathe," someone directs. A hand on his shoulder squeezes and TK opens his eyes. He free falls right into his living room and sees Nancy kneeling in front of him, and only then he realizes he had been holding his breath, the sobs and tremors overtaking rationality as his subconscious tried to protect him. "TK, please. Focus on my own breathing, try to match it," Nancy says, and takes his hand and sets it over her chest.

"Yes, just like that. Come on, you can do it," Paul encourages, and squeezes his shoulder again. He's standing by his side, and as his sensations return TK now feels his hand stroking his back.

Nancy and Mateo are rooted to the spot behind Nancy. Both have tears in their eyes, but TK shakes his head and swipes his own away. "Don't cry. There's got to be a mistake. Maybe there's another Gwyn Morgan in Manhattan."

Carlos looks at him sadly and only then TK realizes he's no longer on the phone. "I'm so sorry, babe." He kisses his forehead and continues to hold him.

And just like that his mother really is dead and his pain comes back tenfold, because Carlos would never lie to him.

TK takes a minute to let the pain wash over him before he stands up and thanks everyone for staying and being there for him. He accepts their I'm sorrys, promises to call if he needs help, and hugs them all as they prepare to leave, then walks to his bedroom. He sits on the bed and begins making calls. To his dad, who tells him in a choked voice that Enzo called and he's on his way, to three airlines as he tries to find last minute tickets, and finally to Tommy so he can request time off.

Ten minutes later when Carlos walks in the room, his phone is discarded on the bed and TK is inside their walk-in closet already packing.

"TK," Carlos calls from the door. "Babe, stop," he pleads, "Look at me."

TK can't deny him anything, so he pauses, and bloodshot green meets bloodshot brown. "I'm fine," he says automatically, needing to reassure his boyfriend and wipe the worry off his face. He walks to the bedroom and sets his clothes inside his suitcase.

"You are not and that's okay." Carlos says nothing as he watches TK move around the room, just sits on the bed and offers him his hand.

He continues to pack until a silent sob passes his lips unbidden, so he takes Carlos' hand, and his boyfriend pulls him close. TK rests his head on Carlos' chest and lets the strong beat ground him. It works for a minute, until he realizes that his mother's heart will never beat again and suddenly his tears are coming in more rapidly and all he feels is pain.

"It's okay, Ty. Just let yourself feel what you're feeling. I'm here, you're not alone," Carlos murmurs against his hair.

After a while TK shifts, moving his head to Carlos' lap and curling his legs up on the bed. Carlos drapes a blanket over his boyfriend and moves his hand to run his fingers through his hair. And he doesn't stop until after TK's breath evens out and he's fast asleep.

-x-x-x-

Anger

TK finds himself in their apartment's gym, hitting the heavy bag over and over until his knuckles ache and begin to bleed. And even then, he keeps going. Right hook, left hook, kick, repeat. He keeps going until the door opens and his boyfriend steps in.

"TK, babe, what are you doing?" Carlos asks as he walks fully inside. He sits on a bench, resting his arms on his knees and patiently waits as TK turns back around and continues punching the bag.

When TK finishes his latest onslaught his breathing is hard and his shirt is damp. He takes a sip of water, then another as he continues to stall.

Carlos throws him a knowing look and sighs sadly before he asks, "Want to talk now?" But TK only shakes his head and goes back to the punching bag.

Carlos gives him a few minutes to continue letting out his anger before he quietly steps up. TK's next hit is stopped by Carlos' palm, then he's pushed back softly as Carlos grabs his other hand. TK tries to look down, but Carlos grabs both of his hands in one of his and uses a finger to tilt his face up. "Please talk to me."

"Let me go," TK snaps, his body shaking with barely contained anger.

Carlos nods and lets go of TK's hand, even as he says, "I'm not letting you go, TK. I'm here, whether you want me or not." He takes a step closer but doesn't touch TK again, giving him the chance to step away or closer.

TK turns away and blinks away his tears. In this moment, he both loves and hates that Carlos knows him so well, and naturally he turns back around and collapses into his boyfriend's waiting arms.

"What happened?" Carlos asks against his temple, then presses a kiss there.

"I took a walk today and stumbled on a bakery." TK lets out a pained exhale and both hands fist around Carlos' shirt. "I took a picture of the menu and went to text it to mom to see if she wanted to go together then I remembered." He knows it's only been a few days but it hurts so damn much, and it hurts even more knowing that it's only the first of many pictures that will never reach their intended recipient.

"I'm sorry, babe," Carlos says softly. He wishes he could say more, do more, instead he hugs him and runs his fingers through TK's hair and hopes that is enough.

TK nods; he's sorry too. "It just isn't fair," he says brokenly, the pain in his voice only topped by the one in his heart, and suddenly he breaks out of the embrace and turns around to punch the bag again. "My mother never did anything wrong. She was a great lawyer. An even better mom. A good friend. She didn't deserve this." TK places another punch or kick in between every sentence and by the end his breathing is coming in little, choked gasps. He takes a moment, then starts again.

"TK, please stop," Carlos begs, tears running down his face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're hurting, and I wish I could take your pain away. But I can't, TK. I can't take it no matter how hard I try, but I can share it with you."

Those words finally loosen something inside TK and the first sob breaks free. He stops hitting the bag and collapses, but he never makes it to the floor as Carlos kneels and takes his weight on him. He carefully lowers them down until Carlos' back is against the wall and TK is curled against his chest.

"Carlos?" TK murmurs a few minutes, or two hours, later. At Carlos' hum, he continues, "I always want you here."

"Good, because I wasn't planning to leave." Carlos places a kiss to the top of TK's head and shifts them so he can look at his face. "Do you feel like going back now? Maybe you can let me take care of those knuckles, then we can take a shower together?" He asks hopefully.

Once upon a time Carlos' tone would have been suggestive and TK would have accepted with a smug grin. Today he can only muster a tired, teary smile, but he still accepts and gingerly rises to his feet, pulling Carlos along with him.

Just before they cross the threshold out of the gym, TK turns to Carlos and presses a chaste kiss to his lips. It's not heated or hungry, but full of love and gratitude. He squeezes his hand when they pull apart and in all but words says thank you.

-x-x-x-

Denial

"TK, are you awake?" Carlos slurs and a moment later he's hovering above him.

TK takes in his tired expression through lidded eyes and nods. "Yes, sorry. Just a dream," he pauses, and recalls said dream. "Remind me to call my mother in the morning."

"Babe?" Carlos asks, suddenly looking more awake than he did thirty seconds ago. "Are you okay?"

TK's brow furrows. He thinks that maybe he was startled awake and that's why Carlos is awake and worried. "Of course," he smiles, takes a finger and attempts to smooth the crease between Carlos' eyebrows. "I just want to tell her about my dream. It was my birthday, and she flew here to surprise me. It wasn't very eventful, we just talked in the driveway of dad's house, but it felt good."

"Babe." Carlos closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and TK is confused as to why his boyfriend looks so distressed over an innocent dream. "Your mother is gone."

"What? No," TK objects, "She's not gone, she's in New York."

Carlos sits on the bed and turns on the lights. TK sits crossed-legged in front of him and waits. "TK, Gwyn passed away one month ago. I'm so sorry."

This isn't the first time Carlos has said that and every time prior comes back to TK in a rush as his eyes look past the open door to their bedroom and land on the countless flowers and cards set on their living room table.

TK's eyes widen just before they water. "It all felt so real. She touched me, and I could still feel it when I woke up. But I asked her to come inside to the party and she said she couldn't," he chokes out, and when the first sob breaks, Carlos' arms are already around him, pulling him to his chest as he whispers reassurances and promises that things will get better.

"Shh, TK. It's okay. You don't have to explain right now." Carlos draws TK closer and runs his fingernails on his scalp until he falls back asleep, the touch soothing, yet firm enough to keep him grounded to the present, regardless of how much it hurts.

-x-x-x-

Anger

That morning TK woke up enveloped in warmth and knew it would be a good day. His boyfriend's arms were around him, his soft breath tickling his neck, the sun was shining through the loft's windows and birds chirped outside. For a brief moment he smiled, feeling loved and happy, but then a soul crushing feeling took hold as reality caught up with him.

From then his day took a turn for the worst, and now he is even struggling to put in a simple IV. His fingers shake as he tries to ignore Tommy and Nancy's concerned looks.

As if on cue, Tommy steps forward and sets a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you let Nancy try?"

"I can do it, Cap," he pleads. "Just give me a minute." TK takes a deep breath and wills his fingers to settle; they don't. He begs the universe to please let one thing go right; it doesn't. So, he stands up and throws the IV kit against a wall. "You do it, Gillian."

Nancy nods wordlessly and takes a new kit from their med bag. She squeezes his shoulder as he walks past her and kneels down to insert the needle.

TK is breathing hard by the time he walks far enough from the accident scene that he feels comfortable breaking down. He slides down the wall of the alley and crosses his arms over his knees, his head resting on top as tremors and tears overtake him.

He's thankful for the space his team gives him, but he also wants to be professional and not give his boss any reason to question his readiness to do his job, so he only gives himself a few minutes to release some of his frustration and pain before he stands up and walks back. Sparing Tommy and Nancy a glance he sees that they have their patient handled so he busies himself organizing their bags and carrying them back to their rig.

"Are you okay?" Nancy asks when she notices his return. TK nods, but she raises her eyebrows needing more of an explanation.

TK sees Tommy open her mouth, probably to politely ask Nancy to give him some time, but he knows she's only worried about him. So, he shakes his head, almost imperceptibly, and says simply, "Today's been three months."

Nancy's face crumbles and she stammers, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. "I'm so sorry, TK. I didn't remember." She takes a tentative step forward, then stops, shakes her head and moves again, embracing her partner and drawing comforting circles on his back.

"It's okay, Nancy. Other people rarely do, and it doesn't mean that they don't care," Tommy says knowingly, sparing TK the need to explain as she sees his shoulder shake silently.

TK pulls back and wipes the tears away from his eyes. He turns to look at Tommy and nods appreciatively, knowing that she's the only one that really understands. You can be loved by many in life, but when you're gone, only your loved ones and closest friends seem to remember all the milestones and important dates, and more often than not they have to carry that pain on their own. And in that moment he decides to set a reminder for Tim and Charles' death, just in case, so he can make sure Nancy and Tommy know they're not alone.

"Nancy, can you get our patient situated in the back and I'll be right over?" At her nod, Tommy turns to TK and sets her hands on his shoulders. "Do you need to take the rest of the day off?"

TK's eyes widen and he pales a little. "No, I'm okay," he says, voice panicked and strained. "I promise this won't happen again. Please don't send me away."

"You're not being tested here, TK. I'm not waiting for you to fail to send you away. You're a part of my team, and if you're struggling, then we struggle together. I just offered because I thought it would help you."

TK visibly relaxes at that. "Thank you, Cap. But no, I just want to work and stay busy."

"Let's go then. We can drop our patient at the hospital then stop at a food truck and grab lunch. We can bring enough for everyone," Tommy offers and is rewarded by a smile she hasn't seen in far too long. "And Strand?" she calls back when TK starts walking away and waits until he turns back around, "It will get better. I know right now it doesn't seem like it, and you feel like this sadness will never go away, but things do get better. Grief is a funny thing and sometimes it will catch you by surprise, but it won't always be like that. And when it seems like it, when you think there's nothing but grief, just come talk to me, okay?"

TK's only response is a shy nod and his second smile in as many minutes, making Tommy grin back in return.

-x-x-x-

Bargaining

Carlos barges into the bathroom, eyes wide and worried after coming home to a seemingly empty apartment. He is still in his uniform and his voice is breathy when he asks, "TK? What happened?"

TK has lost count of how many times Carlos has asked that in the last few months and he hates that he's still a mess that his boyfriend has to constantly worry about. He can only imagine what went through his mind coming home from work to an empty loft. "I'm sorry," he rasps, silent tears streaming down his face, but he doesn't wipe them away. He's also lost count of how many times Carlos has seen him cry lately.

He crawls back until his head is resting on the cabinet under the sink but reaches forward with his hands, and Carlos is there instantly. He kneels in front of him, filling in the space in between his arms, and reaches forward to wipe his tears anyway. "Do you want to talk about it?" Carlos flips them so he's leaning against the wall and TK is resting against his chest.

"I tried to call my dad and he didn't pick up," TK says simply. In the months since his mother's passing he's developed a habit of calling Owen every night to wish him a good night and remind him that he loves him. It's a ritual that calms his raising thoughts and helps him sleep without the fear that he will wake up having lost another parent. It works most nights but today is the first time Owen hasn't picked up.

Carlos nods knowingly and brushes TK's hair off his forehead, pressing a kiss there. "It's late, babe, and he was coming off a long shift. He's probably asleep."

"I know, but what if something happens and I didn't tell him that I love him?" TK's voice cracks midway and their hearts break right along with it.

"Nothing will hap-" Carlos starts but stops because no one knows better than TK that things do happen even when the possibility feels inconceivable mere hours before. So, he sighs and tries again, "He knows Ty, I promise you he knows."

"Did my mother know?" TK whispers against his chest. "I can't remember when was the last time I told her. Was it here in Austin or did I ever tell her on the phone when she returned home? Maybe if I had picked up that last call I would know. Maybe she wanted to tell me she loved me and I didn't let her."

Carlos' eyes cloud and he blinks a few times trying to keep the tears at bay, just like every time this conversation comes up. "TK you were busy. I'm sure she understood that. She knows."

"But I wasn't," TK stumbles and sniffles through his words as his tears resume, "I was doing paperwork and I saw the call, but we had the game later that day and I wanted to finish, so I didn't pick up. I didn't pick up Carlos, and it was the last time she called me." TK grabs his phone and goes to his missed calls. His eyes settle on Gwyn's name until he closes them and again mentally asks for forgiveness. "I thought I had time, that I could just call her back later. But then she was gone and there was no time. Now there's only guilt."

Hearing his boyfriend's broken words, Carlos' tears finally fall because TK doesn't deserve this on top of everything. He already carries so much guilt for his past actions and this feels like an unnecessary and cruel twist of fate. "Ty, even if you had picked up that call, you would still find another thing to feel guilty about. Because you're here and she's not."

TK hums and stays quiet for a moment. He opens his eyes again and there's so much raw pain in them that Carlos has to look away for a moment. "Is it my fault? Did I kill my mother?"

"No, of course not," Carlos says without missing a beat. He tightens his arms around TK and presses a kiss to his forehead, then each cheek, and a quick one to his lips; anything to distract him from the mean and undeserved things his brain is telling him.

"But what if I hadn't woken up from the coma?" TK asks, voice devoid of any emotion, just a fact his mind is trying to convince him is true. "She might still be here. In Austin. Helping dad move on, so then what happened in NY wouldn't have happened at all."

"That's not how it works," Carlos says sadly. "We can't trade one life for another. And even if we could, I'm sure your mother would have never wanted you to do that."

"Why not?" TK asks seriously. "I had 28 years with her, and I put her through so much. But Jonah, he didn't even have a full year with our mom. He will never get to meet her."

"We will make sure your little brother knows everything about Gwyn. He will meet her, through you, Owen and Enzo. Even I have stories about her I want to tell Jonah." Carlos pulls back and turns TK in his arms, hands on either side of his face as he makes him hold his gaze. "Your mother would never hold one missed call against you, not when you loved her so openly and fiercely for 28 years. Not when you will love her forever. And she would never want to be here when you're not. You and Jonah are her legacy, and for as long you're here she lives on."

TK nods just before he crumbles. Carlos lets him go and TK buries deeper into the embrace, his silent tears dampening his uniform as all his guilt, pain and regret flow out of him in waves. "It's okay to still not be okay, TK. But you will be one day. The pain will always be there, but it will hurt less, and it will feel okay to live and laugh again. And I'll be here through it all. For as long as you want me."

"Forever, baby, I will always want you with me. I love you, Carlos," TK murmurs against his shirt. "Thank you."

Carlos' breath hitches at TK's words. There's so much he wants to say but it's not the time, so he settles on a faithful, "I love you, too."

-x-x-x-

Depression

"TK, what are you doing?" Owen questions. He's standing by the front door, his eyes a mixture of terror and surprise as he takes in his son sitting on the couch.

TK lifts his face and stares at his father through clouded eyes. He swings the bottle of tequila in between his fingers and laughs sadly. "I didn't drink it. Don't worry."

"Where's Carlos?" Owen drops his bag and takes a tentative step closer. When TK doesn't react, he walks all the way in and carefully takes the bottle away.

"He's on shift. So it was either this or a bar." In the past it wouldn't have been a choice, and TK knows he would have ended up in a bar, or maybe a dark alley, trading some bills for the gift to not feel a thing. But now he knows that drugs will never equate salvation.

Owen nods and takes a seat next to his son, setting a hand on his knee, squeezing once. He opens his mouth, closes it, tries again until he decides to wait for TK to be ready to talk. It never did any good to pressure his boy.

"I miss her. I miss her so much," TK admits after a while, his voice tired and sad as he uses all his energy not to fall apart.

"I miss her too, kid," Owen whispers. "I know our relationship failed, twice, but Gwyn was my best friend, and I also miss her every day. Other than you, she was who I wanted to talk to after a good or bad day, and I know I don't say it enough but you're the greatest thing I have, TK, and I owe half of you to her."

"You're that for me too; you and Carlos," TK croaks, squeezing his father's knee. "But how do you do it?" At Owen's confused look, he clarifies, "How do you go about each day feeling this much sadness? How are you not constantly crying?"

Owen's eyes soften as he tries to catch his son's gaze. "Oh, TK, the first week I cried every night. I still do sometimes. Late at night in bed, in the shower, randomly during the day when something reminds me of your mom. I just make sure you don't see it because I'm your father and it's my job to be strong enough for both of us."

"I can be strong too. You don't have to hide your pain from me," TK says sincerely, even when he knows the bottle of tequila he was holding when his father came in might make his words hard to believe. "I can take it."

"I know you can, I never doubted it. I know how strong you're, but it's still my job to shield you from as much pain as I can." Owen pauses, and chuckles sadly before he says, "Even if in retrospect I have failed more often than not."

TK shakes his head and turns around to hug his father. "You never failed, dad. I'm here thanks to you and mom. And I know that you loved the 252, love the 126 now, but this is your greatest success." He pulls back and points to himself, proud of the man he's become.

Owen can't help but tear up at that and he pulls TK into another hug, hiding his tear-stained face on his son's shoulder. "I love you, TK. And I'm so proud of you."

"I love you, too, dad. Thank you for everything," TK says the words with as much love and gratitude as he can and wishes they will be enough the next time Owen can't pick up a call.

"Can you promise me one thing, son?"

"Anything."

"When you're hurting, please come to me, or Carlos, anyone from the 126 if we're not around," Owen pleads, sniffles, but a sob breaks free anyway. "I can't lose you, too."

TK hugs his father back as he whispers, "I promise." And for Owen, Carlos, his future in-laws, Gwyn's spirit, Jonah, Enzo, the 126, and himself, he knows that's one he will always fight to keep.

-x-x-x-

Acceptance

The first time TK Strand heard about grief he had been 8 years old. A child psychologist had spoken to his class about the pain of losing a loved one. He sat quietly and nodded even if he didn't understand why he had to be there. After all, his daddy had come home. It wasn't until Owen had explained that he would never get to see his aunts and uncles from the 252 again that he began to understand.

At 18 he had heard the term next, when he joined the Fire Academy and the NYFD counselor prepared them for the inevitable day when they lost their first victim, and to the hopefully avoidable moment of losing a teammate.

At 28, TK is well accustomed to grief, but still nothing could prepare him for the pain of losing a parent, and he hates that his little brother has to go through it before he is even old enough to really understand.

Jonah moves in his arms; interrupting TK's thoughts and he looks down at his baby brother. "You doing okay, buddy?" He asks and laughs when Jonah only coos in response. He is big now and close to his first word and TK's heart hurts when he thinks of all the milestones his mom is missing.

"She loved you so much, Jonah. So, so much. You know that right?" TK reaches down, and strokes his head, little blond hairs tickling his hand. "And she never wanted to leave you."

The talk about his mother seems to make Jonah fussy and he twists in his arms. "Hey, hey, sorry, we can talk about something else," TK offers. He begins humming 'Durme Durme' and rocks the little boy in time with the lullaby.

Jonah takes a few minutes to calm down but soon enough he's giggling and looking at his big brother with wide, curious eyes. His little hand reaches forward and latches onto the chain around TK's neck, yanking softly. TK frowns and makes a complaining noise in the back of his throat and Jonah laughs again, trying to pull TK's medallion to his mouth.

"Hey no, don't strangle your big brother." TK pulls the chain away and reaches down into Jonah's bag to grab one of his toys. He hands it to him and smiles when Jonah all but forgets about his necklace and starts playing with the Fisher-Price fire truck.

TK continues to sit quietly on the bench at Mount Hebron Cemetery in NY and just watches his brother. "I'm sorry if you don't want me to talk about this, Jonah. But let me be a little bit selfish today, yeah?" Jonah babbles something unintelligible, but he's smiling so TK takes it as permission to keep going. "I miss mommy so much. And I'm so sorry that you're not old enough to remember her. But I promise in time I will tell you everything about her. We will bake her cookies together, listen to her favorite songs. I will tell you all the stories of her time in the courtroom and all the people she helped. We will visit her favorite spots in the city, and the few she had in Austin. And I promise I'll do everything I can to make sure you know who Gwyneth Morgan was and how much she loved us."

Jonah yawns and burrows deeper into his arms. His little head comes to rest on TK's chest as he drops the toy and circles his hand around TK's wrist, holding with as much strength as he has. Jonah blinks up at TK a few times before his eyes close and he falls asleep in his arms. TK leans down, kisses his brother's head, and whispers, "I love you, Jonah."

With Jonah calmly asleep in his arms, TK turns to look at the parking lot and smiles when he sees Carlos leaning on their rental car, patiently waiting. He waves at him, and Carlos wastes no time joining his favorite brothers.

"You okay?" Carlos sits on the bench next to TK and places a kiss on his temple, then on Jonah's head.

TK takes a moment to think of his answer and feels a little surprised when he can nod confidently. "Yeah, I am. Thanks for coming here with me, baby."

"Always, Ty. We're a team and where you go, I go," Carlos tells him softly, rubbing up and down his arm.

"Can you take him for a moment?" He wonders and passes Jonah to Carlos as soon as he wordlessly holds his arms out.

TK leaves the two loves of his life sitting safely on the bench and walks a few steps forward, stopping in front of his mother's grave. He kneels to place a few stones over the grave and softly recites 'The Mourner's Kaddish', wiping a few tears from his face as he goes. "I love you, mom. And I miss you," he whispers. "I can't believe it's already been a year. I'm sorry that I couldn't be here on that day, but Carlos and I couldn't get time off together until now."

The wind starts blowing suddenly and TK can't help but smile, taking it as a sign. "Jonah is doing great, mom. He's so big. Dad and Enzo are good too. We all miss you but we're okay. I hope you're okay too."

TK blows a kiss to his mother's name written on the marble and stands up. He sits back on the bench and rests his head on Carlos' shoulder. His heart warms at the sight of his boyfriend tenderly holding his baby brother and he can't help but briefly think of what their future might hold. It's not the time to talk about that but while the thought might have caused panic before, today he only feels excitement.

"I love you," he says softly and presses a kiss to Carlos' neck. "I couldn't have made it through this year without you. Thank you."

"You could have, Ty. You're so strong. But I'm glad you didn't have to." Carlos continues to hold Jonah with one arm and swings the other one around TK's shoulders. TK leans into the touch as Carlos kisses the top of his head. "I love you, too."

TK basks in the warmth of the NYC sun and Carlos' body pressed to his, with his brother quietly sleeping in his arms, Owen and his Austin family safely back in Texas, and Gwyn's memory alive but less painful on his mind, and in that moment his grief is forgotten as he only feels surrounded by love.


I lost my father in 2020 so the ending to this ep triggered me quite a bit. This fic came entirely from my heart, and I gave TK a lot of the feelings I've been experiencing. I understand the grieving process is not the same for everyone, and that it's not linear and perfectly clear, and this story is based only on my experience and what I envisioned for the show.

Thanks for reading, reviews and favorites always make my day!

Find me on Tumblr: bluenet13.