DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me. I just love playing around with the characters we all know and love. :-)
Authors Notes:
***Don't forget to REVIEW
***This chapter takes place after Edward left Bella's apartment in the last chapter...
CHAPTER #26: Innocent Unrest
EPOV
"You know being the last one to leave and first to arrive is not a good thing, especially for a single parent." Carmen gave me a judgmental look as she entered my office with her book-bag and laptop.
"Are you forgetting that Tanya had Lizzie last night?" I smiled at her and she rolled her eyes at me.
"It still isn't healthy."
"Well I live for your approval."
She chuckled at my sarcasm before sitting her stuff down on the opposite side of my desk and booting up her own computer. She had her own desk but often preferred to work in here with me first thing in the morning so she could get answers directly from me as well as get through all my emails faster. "You're such a smart ass."
"I'd say I'm quite intelligent although it has nothing to do with my ass."
"Well your 'intelligent' lips are welcome to kiss my ass anytime."
"Charming as usual Carmen." She laughed and after a little while I realized she wasn't typing, answering emails, or anything else. I finally looked away from my computer to find her staring at me inquisitively. "What?"
"You look different."
"Okay?"
"Frankly you looked like Hell yesterday. You look much better today."
"I got some sleep." I shrugged off her observation.
"Hmmm." She glanced down at my clothing before looking back at me. "Is that what you were wearing yesterday?"
"Yes." There was no point in lying because as my personal assistant one of Carmen's many duties was knowing pretty much everything about me at any given time. "I haven't had the chance to change yet." I had only arrived at the office about 15 minutes before Carmen did. I was going to change into my spare suit but wanted to check a couple quick things first.
"Did you sleep here?" She immediately looked irritated. I swear it was like having a second mother, except that Carmen was actually younger than me.
"No, I didn't sleep here."
"Then why aren't you dressed, I mean..." She cut herself off and smiled wide. "You slept at your girlfriends place didn't you?"
I leaned back in my chair while watching her calmly. "I did." Again there was no point in keeping anything from her.
"Wow." She looked amazed.
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I really like Bella already."
"Why?" I didn't like the sound of that.
"She's got skills, and I like it." She sounds way to impressed.
"What the Hell are you talking about?"
"Apart from Lizzie I've never seen anyone be able to get you to stop working once you're in 'the zone'."
"What's your point?"
"Just that Bella must mean a lot to you." My only answer was to give her my best poker face. "You can't even deny it, can you?" Damn her knowing all my lawyer tactics.
"We've got work to do."
"Now you're changing the subject? So I must be right."
"Are you done?"
"Almost. She really does seem great and it's about time you find a sweet girl."
"Well as I said before, I live for your approval."
"I never said anything about you. It's Bella that I approve of." I had to laugh at that before getting up to change in my bathroom.
…...
"I don't give a Fuck what you have to do but I am not meeting with Heidi." I was in such a good mood after my night with Bella and now after only an hour back at work I'm tense as Hell again.
"Oh yes you are."
Christ I can't deal with this right now. I finally had the custody information ready for the next set of hearings and was making progress on everything that fell behind from being at the hospital last week. Jessica was in the room with Carmen and I, and she looked really uncomfortable by the back-and-forth between us. She was the most senior of my secretaries but still never knew quite how to handle the sibling/professional relationship between Carmen, her supervisor, and me, her boss.
I held my hand out for the tablet Jessica was holding confirming my last minute appointment request with Heidi. FUCK I did need to meet with her. Heidi was a brilliant as well as infuriating client of the firm. Her family came from big money, really really big money. As big as my own in fact which made her high priority here. Like my own family, hers were investors although they were more involved in real estate as a whole then actual individual businesses and company's. Her entire family had this firm on retainer for every legal thing imaginable. Fortunately I didn't usually deal with her a lot directly but apparently that wouldn't be the case today.
"I don't know what your problem is, she isn't that bad." Carmen shrugged off my irritation.
Not that bad...sure. "Squeeze her in at 1:30." Not a minute sooner.
"Don't you think that's a little late in the day?"
That was the whole damn point, not that I was going to tell Carmen and Jessica that. Since I have Lizzie today I have to be able to leave to leave and pick her up from school and they both knew that. Because of this I would have to keep the meeting 'short'. "I don't care. It's a last minute request so she gets a last minute time slot."
"She pays you pretty well you know."
"She pays the FIRM well, therefore the firm owes her. Her demand that I personally meet with her is a luxury she doesn't get to dictate the terms of. Understood?" They both nodded before leaving the office, Carmen flashing me a curious glance before closing my door.
"Fuck" I cursed under my breath.
…...
"Edward!"
"Heidi." I honestly had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes when she was escorted into my office wearing THAT. She was wearing an all black pantsuit with a low cut bright red blouse. I couldn't call her clothing professional however, given how tight it was and the lack of buttons she actually did have buttoned. Don't get me wrong as she is a gorgeous women with a great body, beautiful bluish green eyes and long wavy hair, all making her look very exotic. Any man with eyes would notice her but I'm a happily spoken for man and I'm certainly not interested in what she is not so subtly broadcasting.
She bypassed my handshake and gave me an over-the-top hug. I returned it anyway and she made it last way to long. "It's been so long."
"It's only been about 6 or 7 months." We had seen each-other in June at a general get-together of a bunch of mutual friends. She smiled widely as soon as I brought up the time frame and I cringed.
Shit.
"Yes and we left quite a bit up in the air between us, didn't we?"
"Heidi we're here to discuss your legal needs." I really needed this topic dropped before it began. I led her to my desk and waited for her to sit before taking my own seat across from her.
"We have time to discuss other things." I had no such time to discuss anything but her legal issues, and the only topic I knew she DID want to talk about was a huge no-go for me. I would never have time for THAT talk.
"Actually we really don't. I have to pick up my daughter at 3."
"Oh, how is Elizabeth?" I took a deep breath trying to figure out how to politely keep Heidi on topic so I could get her out of my office.
"She's good. She just started Kindergarten this year."
"How does she like it?"
"She loves it." I had to smile thinking of how much Bella has been able to help Lizzie out of her shell. "She started an art program that..."
"Oh we must get together some time. All three of us." I wasn't sure she had really been listening given the fact that she'd interrupted me.
"What can I help you with today?" Thankfully she pulled out a couple files from her bag as well as a flash drive. I frowned before inserting it into my computer and opening the file while the computer loaded.
"Digitization and merging?"
"Well that's putting it mildly." She laughed as I read through the shortened file she'd provided me. It seemed fairly simple. She wished to expand her business by partnering with another IT oriented company. Which begs the question...
"This is clearly a potentially great step for you and all but I have to admit I'm confused. Why did you need me specifically for this?" My specialties weren't anything that require I handle this for her personally.
"I wanted the best."
"I'm serious Heidi." I despise games
"Okay, you caught me." She smiled while leaning over my desk from her seat directly across from me.
"Look..." Clearly I needed to find the time for this conversation after all, despite my deepest desire to be doing literally anything else.
"I just miss you is all and I saw an opportunity with all of this." Considering that she made no gesture to her files and only proceeded to lean further over my desk, revealing more and more of her cleavage, it didn't take a genius to figure out what she meant by 'this'.
"I'm seeing someone." To the point usually works best for me so it was the route I was going to go with. As blunt as the words were, at least they couldn't be left up to interpretation.
"Really?" She looked skeptical which pissed me off more then it should.
"Do you think I'm making it up?" I wasn't hiding my exasperation.
"Well when we last spoke about things..." She smiled with intent again and I just took a deep breath. Christ, can she be more obvious? Yes we slept together in June but she doesn't need to be as obvious about it as she is."...it seemed like you weren't really wanting a relationship, well not a serious one."
"Clearly things changed for me."
"Well who is the lucky woman." Her tone was kind but her eyes less so.
"Her name is Isabella. She's a teacher."
"A teacher?" One perfect eyebrow raised but I kept my face neutral.
"Yes, she teaches elementary school."
She had the nerve to laugh at my words. What the hell is so funny? "Not exactly a high profile profession."
"High profile isn't what I care about or what I was looking for." I didn't exactly mean that the way she may interpret it, which is negatively, but honestly I couldn't really be bothered to care. She could get offended by the implication if she wanted but in my eyes Bella is perfect and I wont have anyone turning their nose up at her choice of profession. As a parent I'm in awe of how incredible Bella is at her job and I thank God everyday Lizzie has such an amazing woman in her life.
No, I may not have been looking for a woman like Bella at all but I certainly found her.
"That just doesn't seem like the usual type of woman you take an interest in. Is it serious?" She practically cooed the last sentence and I could read through the pretenses. I just starred at her while weighing how best to get her off this topic as gently as possible. Truthfully in the past I'd always dated, or rather been 'involved' with women exactly like Heidi or Tanya but it hadn't ever really been by choice. I'd simply never been in a place to meet someone like Bella. Someone so gentle and just plain good. Now I was in the position to have crossed paths with her and I couldn't be more fortunate to have done so. There wasn't a single selfish or self-centered bone in the woman's body and she cared so much for everyone around her. It was probably the thing I loved most about her.
"I am dead serious about her Heidi." I'm no cheater so she needs to get those thoughts out of her head right the fuck now.
"How long have you two been together?"
"July." That wasn't really true as that was when we'd met but not started dating. However I hadn't been involved with anyone else since I set my eyes on Bella and I didn't want Heidi thinking that the short couple months time we'd actually been dating meant I was any less serious about her. I was 100% committed to Bella, regardless of time.
"And we last saw each-other in June." She let the sentence trail off but I wasn't dumb enough to fall for the bait of where she wanted this conversation to lead. I was perfectly aware of what occurred at our last interaction together but I certainly wasn't going to be discussing it. I may not be able to change what happened in the past but I am capable of leaving it there, right where it belongs.
"I have the perfect team to look at your case." I quickly pulled up which merger attorney could handle her needs the fastest. Ben was fantastic and as a huge plus he and his team were also quite familiar with IT law as well. I quickly sent him an email telling him to make Heidi a priority as a favor to me. I needed this handled asap.
As I took care of the details Heidi tried numerous times to get me to change back to the topic of us but I'm very good at what I do and keeping people where I want them is what I do best.
…...
"That may have been one of the fastest consultations you've ever done." Carmen was mocking me.
"Let's just say I had incentive."
"Lizzie?" She smiled warmly thinking of my little angel.
"Something like that." I glanced at my phone and sent a simple text to Bella. I felt guilty about the Heidi situation even-though rationally I knew I shouldn't. The way she had advertised herself to me, practically laughed off Bella's career, and essentially called Bella and I incapatable, all of it left me feeling more upset then it should especially at myself though I didn't fully understand why. I hadn't found myself in a position like this in a long time, probably college or even high-school.
"Something like that huh?"
I ignored her as I pocketed my phone. "I'm going to go pick up Lizzie. I'll be back soon."
…...
"Where do you get all your energy monkey girl?" We had just gotten back to my office and Lizzie was running around everywhere. She was practically bouncing off the walls and had been talking none stop since I picked her up.
"Ice cream."
"Hmmm, so I should stop giving it to you?" I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes playfully.
"Never!" She laughed at me before taking out her school books to practice her reading. I chuckled and finally sat down at my desk to get the last bit of work in before we could go out for dinner.
I glanced over at her after a few minutes and was so happy to see how well she was reading. She used to look so confused while trying to understand it but now she was getting so fast. "Do you need any help baby?"
"Can you sign my homework?" I smiled and motioned her over to my lap. She brought her backpack over and laid out all her stuff over my own much less important legal stuff. I loved having her brightly colored school work all over my work space, no matter how temporarily. It felt right to get memories of such moments with her, especially knowing that they couldn't and wouldn't last forever. It made me appreciate them that much more.
I looked through all her assignments from the week and initialed everything. Bella was very adamant about every assignment being sent to the parents to look at so we could see first hand the improvement our kids were making. "I was green all week daddy." I smirked at her smug little face and laughed as she pointed to the charts about her performance and behavior. All green and 5's. That's my girl.
"Of course you were. I expect no less from a Cullen." She held out her hand so we fist bumped, of course adding the always cool explosion with our fists at the end. I had her reading her book to me solo so I could sign off on her reading sheet when my phone rang. I glanced at it and smiled at Bella's name flashing.
"Baby give me just a minute okay." I kissed Lizzie's cheek before she obeyed my request easily. I have such a good little girl. She sat back down on the opposite side of my office with her stuff and continued working on her reading.
"Hello Beautiful."
"Hi." I do always love that timid sweet voice.
"Miss me already?" How can I possibly be tempted to not tease her? It's far to much fun.
"Well I miss Lizzie." So she wants to play does she?
"Hmmm, not me at all huh?"
"What's there to miss?" I felt my brow pull back at her teasing.
"Well I am quite Hot."
"If you do say so yourself."
"Are you saying I'm not Hot?" There was a pause after I spoke and I smiled in triumph. I had her there and my arrogant ass knew it.
"Well I guess you are pretty nice to look at..." Pretty nice? Oh that wont do.
"So you do have reason to miss me then?"
"I suppose I do."
"Well it's nice to be appreciated, even if just for my flawless form." I couldn't wait to hear how she responded to that.
"You are way more than just your 'form'."
"True, there's also my charm, confidence, intelligence,..."
"...and as always your awe-inspiring modesty." I smirked but otherwise ignored her remark.
"...power, charisma, sex-God capabilities..." She's going to love that.
"OH MY GOD, did you just honestly call yourself a Sex-God?" Oh yes I did sweetheart.
"Do you object to that, beautiful? Am I not your Sex-God?" I had to throw the 'your' in there just because in my mind it would bring out that beautiful flushed smile of hers.
"You're impossible you know that."
"And yet you miss every impossibility about me."
"Of course I do." I glanced over at Lizzie who was still reading and oblivious to us. The progress Bella has made with encouraging my little girl to love learning was staggering. Just one more thing to love Bella for.
"You know it's not to late to play hooky. Stay with us this weekend." I was mostly kidding but truthfully I would love nothing more then having both my girls for the weekend.
"Next time, I promise."
"I'll hold you to that gorgeous."
"Ummm..." She sounded uncomfortable, and I instantly didn't like it.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something."
"Of course. What is it?"
"Feel free to say no okay?"
"Just tell me what you need." This stubbornly sweet woman needs to realize that she owns me and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her.
"Just know you're free to say no. I wont be upset at all." Like I was even capable of turning her down. She asked for so little and I wanted nothing more then to be the one granting her every wish.
"Baby if it's something you need I can guarantee I'll say yes. Anything for you."
"Would it be okay if we use your car to go to Forks this weekend?"
"What?" What the hell is she talking about? She already has the car.
"Your car, ummm SUV? Can Angela and I take it to Forks?"
"You weren't already planning to use the Escalade?"
"Well the original plan would have been to take my car since it's a decent size but it's still in the shop and..."
"Bella why would I mind you using my car?" I gave it to her for a reason which was that I wanted her to have unlimited access to a reliable vehicle.
"Angela has a Volkswagen bug and it's a bit cramped for longer trips but it does get decent gas mileage." She's rambling again. It's so fucking cute when she does that, which is a lot.
"Baby of course you can use my car. You don't need to ask me for something like that."
"Yes I do. It's your car."
"I don't care. As I said, anything for you Beautiful." What I really wanted to say was 'What's mine is yours' but I chose not to.
"Thank-you." She still sounded timid, well more timid then usual. I wished she was here so I could hold her face up, allowing me to see her eyes. They were so big and expressive that I could read her like a book whenever I looked into them.
"Beautiful, talk to me. What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Her voice was even quieter and I hated it.
"Tell me."
"I just don't want to take advantage of you."
"What do you mean?"
"Your car is expensive and I don't want to add more mileage to it than I already have." So this is about money again. Why does she do this?
"Baby, it's a lot cheaper than my Maybach is." I was trying to weigh her response. I had no idea how to handle a woman so uncomfortable about how much money I have. It was a completely foreign concept to me in every way, especially since just about every woman I'd ever met was either wealthy themselves and/or enjoyed having money spent on them. Bella wasn't anything like that though and in fact she seemed to feel the exact opposite.
"I know." Moments like this made it so unimaginably impossible to be away from her. All I wanted to do was comfort her and kiss all her worries away. I had no idea where this devoted and affectionate partner in me had come from but with Bella all I wanted in the world was to take care of her in every small way. Even if that meant just stroking her face and holding her close to me.
"Bella..." I thought about her reaction to the birthday necklace I'd gotten her. She was so uncomfortable and clearly felt guilty that I'd spent the money on her. How can I make her realize that I love her? That I love helping her, and yes spoiling her too. I want nothing more then to do things for her and she has no clue how much it means to me when she lets me.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize." I didn't want to make her feel bad in anyway but I needed to understand why she felt so insecure about this. "Why do you always get like this about money?" This is an issue that I need fixed for us because I have no intention of ever letting Bella go and I want her to be comfortable with me and everything about me. Any financial differences between us mean nothing in the grand scheme of things and all I want is her to understand that.
"I'm never going to make the kind of money you do."
"Why on Earth should that matter baby?"
"I don't want anyone to think I'm with you for your money." Who gives a fuck what other people think? I kept that knee-jerk response to myself as I didn't want to upset her.
"I know you aren't." And I did know that. If anything my wealth was a deterrent for Bella and not a positive attribute in the least.
"I love you." I never grow tired of hearing her tell me that.
"I love you too, silly woman." I heard her light intake of breath so I knew she smiled at my words. Thank god for that. Her smile was so adorable that the idea of her not having one on her beautiful face was an honest to God crime against nature. "So you are going to take my car right?" It wasn't a request, at least not exactly. It was a playful but clear demand.
"Yes Sir, Mr. Cullen." Did she really just say that?
"Hmmm, I do like the sound of that." Oh yes I certainly did.
"What? Mr. Cullen?"
"Well that and Sir."
"You're ridiculous." I honestly could live off her laughs.
"I haven't had the pleasure of seeing you in that lingerie yet beautiful. Next time, and you must add in that Sir stuff."
"Never." She laughed more, clearly not realizing I was completely serious. Oh well, she'd realize it soon enough.
"Never, who?" I smiled at the images creeping into my own dark mind.
"Never, Mr. Cullen, Sir."
"So fucking Hot." She laughed more after whispering the sultry words like a pro. FUCK me, is this weekend over yet?
"Thank-you for letting me use the car, and for listening." There's my sweet girl, happy and perfect.
"Anytime beautiful, and thank-you for letting me help you."
…...
I tried not to take to long finishing up before taking Lizzie out for cheeseburgers and chocolate ice cream. I got Lizzie to pose with me for a silly picture to Bella, figuring it would make her smile. I couldn't really explain it but I just had a feeling she needed to be cheered up. Part of that probably stemmed from the fact that I knew her parents would have some questions for her about me. I wouldn't say I was nervous about it exactly but I wasn't comfortable either.
Maybe it was a tad egotistical of me but I wasn't worried at all about her mother. I had a certain charm about me that most women found appealing and I've always been able to win most of them over. Plus from what Bella has told me about her mother she sounded very laid back and kind. All in all I doubted I'd have trouble with Renee Swan once we actually had a chance to meet.
Now Mr. Swan on the other hand, or rather CHIEF Swan, he was a whole other story. Bella had told me about her worries involving her dads approval and I had listened and tried to comfort her where I could. Truthfully though I knew none of her fears were exactly exaggerated. Not only was her father the Chief of Police but he was also the father of an only child, and a beautiful, young, talented daughter at that. As the father of a perfect girl myself it would be unfair to expect blind faith from him with regards to me. Faith that there was no way I'd grant to any man interested in my own daughter, despite any age she was.
Age... the big difference that makes for a potential big issue for us. Here I am a 35 year old man dating Bella, freshly turned 21. If that wasn't bad enough to make her father beyond skeptical of my intentions there was the fact that he turns 40 tomorrow. I mean FUCK, I will only be 5 years younger then my girlfriends father, and come June that gap changes back to 4 years. Christ... I may not know the Chief of police in the least but I did know this much, he was going to HATE me.
I took comfort in the fact that I bared no illusions of winning his approval any time soon. I was going into this relationship fully aware that her father could quite possibly never approve of my relationship with his daughter and may in fact despise me for it. There was comfort in accepting the bitter inevitability though because there was no false hope.
As darkly comforting as this basic acceptance was for me though, the problem with all of it is Bella. I thought of her kind heart and sweet nature, never a harsh thought of anyone. I sighed heavily thinking of her hopeful face trying to seek her fathers blessing. My girl certainly DOES hope, and with everything she has. She does truly want her father and I to get along and it's obvious how important his approval will be for her.
I closed my eyes as I sat at my desk in my home office. I came in here under the pretense of keeping my mind occupied away from what Bella was dealing with alone, without me there to defend her. I fucking hate her being alone with any and all issues she may be having with her parents, especially her father. However since there is nothing I can do about it, here I am, dwelling on the whole thing.
Where does this leave us? Having his approval based solely on whatever black&white facts he has about me simply wasn't going to be possible. At the same time just accepting his dislike of me and not caring wasn't possible either. Personally I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of me, but this isn't about me. This is about Bella and if her father and I don't get along I know without a shadow of doubt that it will break her heart. That isn't something I can allow, no matter what I can't allow Bella to be hurt. The idea of seeing her eyes, those expressive chocolate pools I love so much revealing her beautiful heart getting crushed was an image I could go an eternity without seeing.
So where did that leave the situation?
Unfortunately it left me in a place I wasn't accustomed to being in. A place where the ball was entirely in his court, not mine. I'm used to always being in control of my own destiny and whenever something does manage to be outside my control I'm usually very good at finding a way to get that power back. In this situation though there was next to nothing I could do. Nothing to earn my way into his good graces and very little I could do to stop Bella from getting hurt in the event he does make any negative feelings about me abundantly clear.
…...
Bella had told me that due to the drive she was going to have a late dinner with her parents. I had already put Lizzie to sleep and was reading in bed when my cellphone finally rang, the display showing the only person I wanted to hear from.
"Hello Beautiful."
"Hi."
"How did everything go with your parents?"
"Better then I thought. Especially with my mom."
"Really? Especially? I like the sound of that. Details baby." She let lose a small laugh in response to my words.
"Well I told her about you. Your job, Lizzie, what you look like..."
"Well that alone should have won her over to me."
"You're shameless you know."
"Yes, but am I wrong?"
"Well she did ask to see a picture of you."
"And?"
"And I think my mom may have a small crush on you now." I laughed at her statement in combination with her quiet tone. Clearly she was embarrassed by however her mother reacted.
"Well I'm quite flattered but unfortunately for her my heart already belongs to another Swan."
"Sweet talker."
"One of my countless talents."
"I do miss your humility."
"So you admit you miss the smug bastard I am." I smiled as I heard her heavy sigh.
"Yes I admit it, although I don't know why."
"Because, as we've already discussed, I'm hot. Even your mother thinks so."
"Oh God." I smiled knowing she was blushing right now. "It was probably a mistake to tell you that wasn't it?"
"A mistake in the sense of me using it at perfectly timed moments to embarrass you and get that beautiful blush?"
"Yes, in that sense." She was still blushing
"Would I do that to you sweetheart?"
"Yes, you absolutely would."
"Hmmm, where's the trust?"
"I do trust you. I trust you to try and embarrass me at every available opportunity."
"And why would I do such a thing?"
"Because you enjoy watching me fluster."
"Well if you would stop being so fucking beautiful when you blush I would stop having so much incentive to cause it."
"Why do you always say that?"
"Say what?"
"Beautiful. Why do you always call me beautiful?" She was really timid now but I could hear her smile.
"Two reasons. One reason being simply because it's your name."
"What?"
"Bella is Italian for beautiful, so there you go. I simply don't speak Italian so I'm translating." She laughed at my explanation.
"Such a logical reason, Mr. Cullen."
"I'm a pretty smart man, you know in addition to the pretty face and hot body even mothers can appreciate."
"What was the second reason?" I smiled at her ignoring my comment about my looks. I really was going to have to much fun torturing her about that.
"Have I not told you how you are the most beautiful woman I've ever met? Inside and out you are absolutely stunning."
"Thank-you." Why is it so cute that she says thank-you like that? Oh well, the point is that it is fucking adorable.
"So big plans for tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Billy is doing a lot of the setup for us at the beach. That way we can surprise dad with the finished result."
"Who's Billy?"
"Dad's best friend and my Godfather."
Awww, so this must be the father to Bella's ex, Jacob. "Are you close with him?"
"Yeah but I haven't seen him much in the last year or so. I really do miss him."
"Why haven't you seen him then?"
"I could probably come up with excuses but if I'm being honest I would have to say that the real reason would be Jacob." Her tone was immediately weary and I respected her being so up front with me on something that obviously made her uncomfortable. Talking about an ex with your spouse in a situation like hers would be odd. Lord knows I understand how she feels.
"Was it a rough breakup?" I don't really know what my feelings are involving Jacob so far. Normally I'm a completely jealous asshole with girlfriends but this situation is different. Not only did they not date long but as I now know Bella and him never even got physical. Maybe it shouldn't make a difference to me how far they ever got sexually but knowing he never touched her does help me to be far more generous in regards to my understanding of their past.
"Somewhat. We started dating from being friends so seamlessly. Something that just sort of happened. I still don't really understand how it happened."
"How do you not know how the two of you started dating?" I laughed somewhat awkwardly. I did want to know but at the same time regardless of anything between them ending he still held a piece of her past that I never would.
"It's hard to explain. Did you ever date a girl that was a friend of yours first?" Hmmm
"I can't really say I have." I did however have a few 'friends-with-benefits' type of relationships in the past but I knew that's not what she meant.
"Well it's like one moment you are just hanging out and doing fun casual stuff together. The next thing I know he starts sitting just a little closer to me then he used to and I start hugging on him more and more... I dunno it's hard to explain further than that. The next thing I knew we were this couple that our parents had been pushing for. Absolutely everyone thought we were just so perfect for each-other. It was like we were a foregone conclusion, and everyone expected it."
"That sounds suffocating."
"I felt like the bad guy when I ended it with him."
"Why?" I already knew the answer but couldn't stop myself asking.
"He really liked me, I mean really liked me. It was way more then I'd realized at the time." Yep I saw that answer coming. Honestly the guy would have to be blind not to see how perfect she is.
"I can certainly see that causing a strain."
"Yeah." She almost sounded wistful which I really didn't like. I pushed the feeling aside though as I know Bella is all mine. I just have to ignore my tendency to be overly jealous.
"It will be good to see Billy though right?"
"Yeah. Dad told me he's been doing well, staying healthy, so I'm happy for him."
"He has health problems?"
"He's been pretty depressed ever since his wife died."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."
"It was a long time ago but he still misses her. He's doing better every year though."
…...
We continued talking and it was getting late but I didn't want to let her go. Not only did I miss her terribly but I got the feeling that there was something more she wanted to say. She still hadn't mentioned her father so I was fairly certain that was the subject she was waiting to bring up. I sure as hell wasn't going to bring him up though so that left us talking about much lighter subjects... or so I thought.
"How was work?"
"It was a fairly normal day." As soon as the words came out of my mouth, they felt like a lie. Heidi hadn't been anything close to 'normal' and I didn't like the feeling that I was keeping stuff from Bella. I was not a shady man and I always told the truth to the people around me. This seems especially true with her because she's not just my girlfriend, she's my confidant. I truly do trust her and I didn't like how my vague answer sat in my own mind. It was dishonest and she deserves way better than that.
"Only fairly?" She laughed a bit and I winced at the subject I knew I'd have to bring up now.
"I had to deal with a client who's an old family friend."
"A friend? You don't sound happy about it. Did you have a falling out?" FUCK. I really didn't want to talk about Heidi, especially with Bella of all people. She sounds so sweet and concerned for me too. So typical of her sweet self to be worried about me. She's always so concerned for others which just makes this all much more awkward.
"She comes from a family that's known mine for decades. Her dad and mine are even golf buddies. As cliché as that sounds."
"Okay?" She really sounded confused now. Probably sensing my discomfort but having no clue as to why.
"She pretty much spent the meeting, that she had blindsided me with to start with, hitting on me." That sounded innocent enough right?
"Oh." She didn't sound upset, just confused. That's a plus. "I guess she'd be blind not to notice you." Ugggg. She was trying to sound playful, bringing up the earlier topic of my looks. Problem was this isn't a playful topic. Not at all...
"Bella..." FUCK "... Heidi and I slept together, awhile ago. It was before you and I obviously." As I got the words out I realized that I may have never been more uncomfortable in my life then I am right now. Talking about a past... well not exactly 'relationship' but regardless it's just not a feeling I'm used to and I don't like it. For some reason this is worse then talking to Bella about Tanya.
"Oh." Seriously... oh?
"Are you okay?"
"Of course I am." I really hated having this conversation over the phone but not telling her felt even worse.
"Beautiful talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about." She was trying way to hard to sound nonchalant. Baby girl I know you way better than that.
"Bella."
"I know you were with women before me."
"Do not do that. Don't try to play off anything you're feeling, okay."
"I..." Now she sounded a little upset. She was quieter and not in her normal sweet way.
"Talk to me baby. I'll always listen."
"So... she was the last woman you were with before..." It was obvious that she wanted to know if Heidi was the last woman I'd slept with before her.
"Yes, it happened in June."
"How long were you seeing her?"
"I wasn't. It wasn't a relationship, just a very brief thing."
"Oh, okay."
"Are you upset?" She wasn't answering right away which gave me my answer.
"I shouldn't be."
"Should or Shouldn't doesn't matter okay. You can tell me anything, always." I fucking hate that I cant even hold her right now to make her feel better.
"What am I supposed to say?" She was only getting quieter.
"Anything. I just need to know you're okay."
"I don't like that she was trying to get back together with you." I took a deep breath as she quietly confessed her insecurity.
"I'm with you Beautiful and I don't want anyone else. There's no way I ever could." Simple words but true ones.
"I know." I hated how quiet she sounded. Clearly she was upset and I didn't know what to say to make her feel better.
"I told her I have a girlfriend and that I wasn't interested in being with anyone else."
"I don't doubt you. I'm just..."
"Just what?"
"I'm just, I mean I just don't know how I should feel." She took a deep breath and I hoped that she wasn't crying, being the sensitive woman she is. "I've only ever been with you so I guess I'm just really uncomfortable at the thought of you sleeping with someone else. I know that's unfair and I'm being stupid but..."
"Don't ever call yourself stupid." I didn't want anyone dragging her down, especially herself. "Baby I love you but there's nothing I can do about my past."
"I know that."
"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Please say yes.
"I don't know."
"Name it gorgeous. Anything you want." I really felt guilty even-though it made zero sense to feel that way. I didn't know Bella back then and I'd been a single man. Realistically there had been nothing wrong with what Heidi and I did but the idea of Bella hurting over it stung. I really wondered if maybe I shouldn't have said anything but at the same time the sheer idea of Bella finding out some other way made me want to cringe. I also equally hated the idea of seeing Heidi at work in the near future and her being a constant secret from the woman I want to spend my life with. In the end telling Bella now was the only way to be honest with her. As shitty as it is, it is for the best.
"Maybe..."
"What baby?"
"Just make me smile, like you always do."
So that's what I did. I talked to her, charmed her, and finally got her laughing and blushing again.
…...
"You really are a dip-shit."
"Fuck you."
"Seriously what did you expect to happen?"
"I didn't have a plan. I just told her the truth."
"The all powerful Edward Cullen didn't have a plan?"
"She seemed to be okay by the end."
"Like I said. You're a dip-shit."
"What the hell does that even mean?"
"There is no way that your girlfriend is okay with you working with an ex that has already made her interest in you abundantly clear."
"Heidi is not my ex. We slept together a few times in a very short period of time. We never even left her place together."
"Dip-shit."
"Stop fucking calling me that."
"Dude put yourself in Bella's place. How would you feel if she told you about her ex that she used to have sex with, working close to her and asking her to 'try' again?"
I just stared at him stoned faced for a moment before answering. "I trust Bella implicitly."
"Jesus Christ this isn't about trust." He held his neck while staring up and shaking his head, clearly indicating he found my response to be idiotic. "It's about good old fashioned jealousy. No logic required for that."
"You don't know Bella."
"I know humanity."
"She isn't petty or territorial."
"And you're an idiot."
"What the fuck does that mean?" I got up from the bench press and Emmett was just shaking his head at me.
"Look I love you bro but you are an insanely controlling and domineering man."
"So?" I wasn't going to deny the truth.
"There is no way you'd be okay with Bella being anywhere near an ex that told her he wants her back. You'd become a royally controlling and jealous prick and you know it."
"It's not a problem because it isn't going to happen."
"Yeah because she doesn't work with some past loser. But what if she did?"
"I guess I'd have to deal with it."
He chuckled before switching spots with me so that he was lifting the weights and I was spotting him. "Yeah you'd deal with it alright."
"Can we talk about something else?" Why did I go to Emmett for support? It's like I never learn.
"Sure thing man." He was smiling through an exhale as he lifted the bar with way to much weight in my opinion. "Lets talk about Bella's trip. The birthday party is today right? Didn't you tell me her ex will be at the party too?"
"You're a dick you know that?" He somehow laughed through a set before resting the bar and stretching his arms while smirking up at me.
"Because I speak the truth?"
"No simply because you are in fact a dick."
"I wonder if he still thinks of her..." He trailed off in a mockingly wistful way. "Thinks of the way she used to smile at him, or the way he could make her laugh..."
"I'm warning you."
"Look dude, Bella is cute as hell and even sweeter then she looks. I'm sure those little details haven't escaped the guys mind and nobody ever forgets their first love."
"You really suck you know that."
"Not so easy when that shoe is on the other foot now is it?"
"It's not the same thing."
"How so?"
"I wasn't involved with Heidi past having sex a few times. It meant nothing."
"Hmm. So your argument is that Bella's past with this other guy is much more relevant than yours with Heidi?" His smug ass just smirked at me.
"Shut the fuck up." Weak come-back I know but despite my best efforts his teasing was getting to me way more than it should. I shouldn't care about this guy's past with Bella but thanks to my asshole brother poking the bear that is my jealous nature, here I was... caring way to God-Damn much.
"I guess it's a good thing that Bella wont be in a situation where she can reconnect with her family, friends, roots... all while chatting with the guy that was probably her first kiss, first love, first other things.
"I'm warning you to shut the fuck up right now." I was officially done with this conversation. I couldn't take the fictional images he was putting in my head because it was making me unbelievably enraged.
"Okay, okay, I'll stop."
…...
"Hey ladies." I was back home now and Rose was dropping Lizzie off back at home with me.
"Hi Daddy." Lizzie had a bag of her toys with her that she had taken for her play date with Rose.
"Go put all your stuff away and I'll put on a movie okay." She nodded quickly and ran for the stairs.
"Thanks for taking Lizzie for a couple hours. I may need to murder your husband by the way." Emmett had dutifully backed off after realizing just how much of a hot button my jealous nature was becoming and as a result the rest of our gym visit had been a bit strained.
"What did he do?" Rose seemed really off but I couldn't place what it was. She was barely giving me eye contact and wasn't being her usual warm self after spending time with Lizzie.
"Just giving me shit about Bella." I watched as she held onto her purse tightly when she would normally have place it down on a table and relaxed with me for a bit before leaving to head back home.
"I'm sorry." She still wasn't giving me eye contact.
"Hey." I reached for her arm to try and get her to look at me and she immediately stiffened and pulled away from me. As soon as she did her eyes did meet me and I immediately recognized that look. It was the way she used to always look whenever she was in a room with my father or me, or any men that weren't Emmett. "Rose?" I held both my hands up in a calm way, hoping to quell the look of terror on her face.
In a matter of seconds she broke down and started crying. I had no idea what to do because men touching her was never something that helped someone with her past. "I'm so sorry." Her purse dropped as she cried into her hands.
"Hey..." I naturally went to reach for her but stopped myself. "Is it okay if I touch you?" She didn't say anything but nodded weakly. I timidly guided her towards me and she collapsed into my arms as I hugged her. I'd seen her like this only one other time before and it was when she was forced to stand up against her ex during a parole hearing.
"I'm so sorry."
"What's wrong?" Where oh where is my brother when I need his sorry ass?
"I got a phone call today." Her words were quiet but precise.
"Come on, lets sit down." I led her to my office since I knew Lizzie would want to watch a movie in the living room. As soon as she was sitting I quickly excused myself to the living room and set up the first one of Lizzie's movies I could find. Right on cue she came in with a bowl of popcorn asking if we would watch the movie with her. I told her Rose wasn't feeling the best and I needed to help her first. Of course she asked to help but I deterred her by telling her Rose just needed rest.
As soon as I had Lizzie squared away I went back to my office and found Rose still crying on the couch. I sat down in front of her, from on the floor. I'd read that victims of assault need comfort but also need to feel they have a physical advantage when they suffer from panic attacks. Of course I had no idea if that's what was happening but it couldn't hurt anything to stay close without being to close.
"Rose?" She looked to me and her eyes were so heavy. "What phone call?"
"My lawyer."
"I'm your lawyer." It was true, I handled all legal issues for my whole family. I was to much of a control freak to allow any of them to inadvertently get themselves into any trouble.
"No, not you. It was, ummm"
"Shhh." I rubbed her leg for a moment and although she cringed a bit she didn't pull away. "Do you want me to call Emmett?" I already had my phone in hand ready to dial him.
"No!" She quickly reached for my phone and I surrendered it easily. With that she just cried harder.
"Rose?" She continued to cry while holding my phone in a death-grip against her head. It was really weird for her not to want Emmett like this. He was her rock and the one person that could always make her smile.
"I got a call from the DA..."
"What?!" I knew how pissed my voice sounded but it wasn't something I could help because there was only 1 reason the DA would be contacting her.
"He's up for parole again."
"Oh Hell no." With that I stood up and immediately grabbed my office phone. No way in Hell would that son of a bitch be breathing free air.
…...
"I will deal with this myself I promise you Rose."
"They said they need me to write another statement for the parole board."
"That's fine but you will not be forced to testify in the same room as that piece of shit. I wont allow it." She had stopped crying and now we were discussing how best to proceed. I'd gotten a hold of the ADA in charge of the initial case and she was almost as pissed as me. She was the woman that Rose had met with after his final assault, the one that finally made Rose run, so she knew everything. She'd even gotten Rose into therapy and the shelter where she met Emmett.
"I may not have a choice. That's what the DA office said."
"I don't give a fuck Rose. This bureaucracy is on them. You are my sister and the mother of my future niece or nephew. I wont allow anything to put this little one in danger." I gestured to her stomach and she gave me a small smile before rubbing her abdomen lovingly.
"What am I going to tell Emmett?" We were both sitting on the couch in my office now and I had no idea how to answer that question. My brother went through a real dark faze the last time Royce was up for parole. It was terrifying and heart-breaking to watch my kind-hearted best friend turn so murderously angry. He had truly wanted to kill the son-of-a-bitch. Not in the way anyone would say 'I'm gonna kill him' but he'd even started making plans. It didn't help that it had been around that time that Rose and him found out that she would most likely never be able to have children.
"I don't know but we can't keep this from him." He deserved way better then that.
"I know." Her voice was a whisper.
"How about you write up the statement and I'll go see the DA directly with it, personally. Maybe Emmett will handle it better if we already have a plan."
"He'll never allow me to stand up in the same room as Royce." It was the first time in awhile I'd heard Rose use his name out loud.
"Good. He shouldn't."
"Edward that's not how it works and you and I both know it."
"It is not your destiny to continue to suffer at the hands of that man. You deserve to be happy and to live your life." She smiled through watery eyes as she looked at me but the smile was forced. Slowly she reached for my hand and held it with soft firmness.
"It may not be my destiny but it is my responsibility."
"Bullshit Rose. You are only responsible for this family, for all of our happiness just as we are responsible for yours."
"Everytime an abuse survivor stands-up..." She took a deep breath and continued to hold my hand in one of her own while the other rubbed her stomach. "... and everytime we tell the truth about what happened to us we help others do the same."
"Rose." I rubbed her hand, careful not to touch any other part of her other than what she was volunteering to me. "That's not on you." My voice was quiet to match hers.
"Yes it is." She spoke with finality. "His abuse may not have started with me but so help me God it will end with me." She wiped her eyes of the tears and I just watched her, truly feeling in awe of this woman. "If I choose to chicken out and not tell that board everything I know, or if I decide to stay away and hide, what happens next?" She closed her eyes and took another deep breath. "If standing up in the same room as him decreases his chance of walking by even 1% then I have to do it."
"That shouldn't be on you."
"What if he got out Edward?" My jaw clenched and my extra hand formed into a fist. "What if he found another woman? What if it was Alice? Or Bella? Esme?"
"Jesus Christ Rose."
"If he got out and found another victim I would never be able to forgive myself."
We just watched each-other for a few minutes until I finally pushed down my feelings and gave her the only answer that mattered. "Whatever you need from me Rose, consider it done."
"Thank-you."
…...
"I'm sorry I haven't really been available today."
"I honestly haven't been either so don't worry about it sweetheart."
"Exciting day?"
"Mmmmm. In all the wrong ways I'm afraid."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yes, just some family issues with Rose. Legal issues that I had to help her with." I really wanted to talk to Bella about it but Rose hadn't even told Emmett yet so it felt wrong to tell someone else. She was planning on telling him tonight at dinner, making sure he was calm before she did so.
"Is she alright?"
"Yes I promise. The DA just needs her statement for a case is all."
"Well that's good." She let out a sigh.
"Is everything alright with you? How was the party?" My brother had succeeded in riling me up about Bella's ex fairly thoroughly but luckily Rose's actual real problem had forced me to grow the fuck up, however temporarily. After her and I had talked and I'd made an appointment with the DA's office to go over anything they needed I was unfortunately allowed to go right back to dwelling. Dwelling on how much this Jacob wanted MY girl, how much history they had together, the approval I'm sure her father had for him,... yes way to much time dwelling.
"Long." She laughed and because she has the most beautiful laugh in the world I had to smile.
"Long?"
"Yeah but in a good way. I really had missed so many friends from the rez. Even Leah was in town for the party. I hadn't thought she was going to make it."
"Leah?"
"You remember her right? From my birthday party?" I vaguely recalled the name now that she mentioned it but was having a hard time placing a face. "I thought she was going to avoid the party like the plague but she never has been one to back down from a fight."
"I missed something fun didn't I?"
"If you can call it all fun." She laughed briefly before giving a heavy sigh. "Leah was with Sam for over 4 years in high-school. Then first year of college for her, the first time there had been some small level of distance between them he cheated on her, with her cousin." Damn
"Jesus... quite the dramatic get together then? And here I was missing all the excitement."
"I was actually really proud of her. Despite Sam and Emily being there she held her head high and was there for Dad, me, Jacob, and Billy. She ignored both of them entirely."
"Good for her. How did everything go with Billy?" I did want to know since she had told me of the distance between her and her secondary father figure, but truthfully I was far more interested in how things went with Jacob.
"Good." I could hear the coy smile in her voice. "He didn't let me out of his sight before asking me absolutely everything about how my life has been. I swear he even wanted to know what I had for dinner last night."
"It sounds like he loves you a great deal." Of course he does. Who the hell couldn't love this woman?
"He did ask me about you though." I could hear the teasing in her voice and found myself narrowing my eyes playfully, even though she couldn't see it.
"I shutter to think what you told him gorgeous."
"Well I somehow doubt he would have appreciated me complimenting your flawless good looks."
"Well perfection is it's own curse Isabella." She laughed cutely at my words.
"He's a very easy going man. He just wanted to make sure you've been gentlemanly to me."
"Hmmmm. What was your response to that?"
"I told him the truth."
"Uh-oh." She laughed at my mock terror.
"You're always a perfect gentleman Edward."
"Not when I have you alone I'm not." No I certainly am not.
"Maybe I don't want you to be gentlemanly at those times."
"What have I told you about teasing me Ms. Swan?" Seriously it's unfair when she does this from a distance of hours away from me.
"Sorry Mr. Cullen, Sir." That God damn sultry voice was back. F-U-C-K
"Oh that is just fucking unfair beautiful." She burst out laughing and I shook my head while simultaneously sporting a huge smile. Just as I predicted all along this girl is going to possess an unfair amount of power the day she fully realizes just how sexy she is to me.
"I'll behave now I promise." Please for the love of God don't...
"Hmmm. Cruel little minx."
"How's Lizzie? Did I tell you I made your ice cream picture my new screen saver?" I laughed.
God I love this woman.
"No you didn't but I'm glad you loved it. Make sure nobody sees me covered in ice cream okay. I have to keep my street cred." I spoke in the most serious tone I could and now she really laughed making me join in.
"We can't have the mighty Edward Anthony Cullen with ice cream on his face now can we?"
"Such moments of messy vulnerability are for my girls enjoyment only."
"Well I'm honored." I always love her happy sarcastic voice.
"You should be. After-all most people probably think I live, sleep, and breathe in a suit..."
"I'm sure they do."
"Whereas you know from personal experience I much prefer to sleep naked."
"OH MY GOD!"
"What?" I put as much mock innocence into the question as I could, fighting hard not to laugh.
"Edward I was drinking water when you said that and now it's all over my bed."
"Well learn to swallow better, baby." I smirked as something dropped on the other side of the line.
"OH MY GOD, stop it." She wasn't fooling me because I could hear the laughter loud and clear.
"Was there anything untrue about what I said?"
"You really are awful."
"You didn't answer my question."
"How would I know how you 'prefer' to sleep?"
"Simple. Have you ever seen me put clothes on after we have sex?"
"I am not talking about this." I swear I could FEEL her blush through the phone line as her voice turned to a whisper. I really do love how innocent she can be.
"So you wish me to behave?"
"Yes."
"We both know I'm not capable of such things."
"Try."
"Why?"
"Because if you do I'll reward you."
Hmmmmmmm
"Really?" I was trying to keep my tone neutral but I doubted I was hiding my excitement. I swear this woman made me forget how to be a stone-cold lawyer.
"Do I have your attention now Mr. Cullen?" She was laughing which I took as her seeing right through my attempts to seem cool and collected.
"Undivided beautiful." To hell with pretense at this point. I'm intrigued and she damn well knows it so I may as well lay my cards out there.
"Good. Now behave and talk about innocent things."
"Not really possible."
"Because?"
"Because my thoughts of you never have been and never will be 'innocent'."
"I love you so much." I could hear the smile behind the words and there was tenderness in her voice despite our playful banter.
"As I love you. You sexy sexy woman."
"I'm going to miss you tomorrow."
"It is strange that you'll be back in town but I wont get to see you. I'm getting rather attached to your company after all." I tried to play off just how much I already miss her.
"Is it really going to be okay for me to stay with you Monday? With Lizzie there?"
"Baby we've been over this. Of course it's okay."
"I just don't want to steal Lizzie's time with you." She's so adorable. I could hear the very selfless concern in her voice.
"If anything I'm fairly certain Lizzie will be ditching me for you, stealing yours and I's time." She giggled but couldn't deny the possibility.
"Girls night then. No boys allowed."
"That's not very nice, Ms. Swan."
"Hey what the princess wants, she gets."
"And what about what I want?"
"Which is?"
I had to laugh huskily at her ridiculous question. "You beautiful. I always want you."
END NOTES:
- Poor Bella feels a little insecure in the light of one of Edwards former dalliances coming out of the woodwork. Her lack of experience compared to his most likely long female history is enough to hurt any innocent girls confidence. Do you feel Edward handled it all well? Did she? Should he not have told her? Let me know your thoughts.
-Rose has a lot to take right now, but she's proving how strong she is. Good for her.
- I was having a lot of conflicting ideas regarding what parts of the story would be told from which point of view. Hopefully it all comes together nicely.
-Poor Edward and Bella are really struggling to be apart, even for just a day or so. :-( What can our loving couple do to ease the distance between them I wonder...
