This is a little parody inspired from 8.08 episode: You kill me just to take my mind off season 8's sadness. GSR is discussed in the writers' lab between a show writer and a fanfic writer. I don't own CSI or there would obviously be no discussion taking place, I'd just take Grissom and Sara to bed.


"First, let's talk about the rules." The show writer tapped the pen on the empty notebook sitting on the desktop and waited for the person sitting across from him/her to talk.

"I thought all is fair in love and war." Arms crossed and eyebrows arched, the fanfic writer was sitting at the edge of the seat, feigning calmness.

"But this is the lab and labs have rules. May I go first?"

"Fine, go ahead."

"Okay," the show writer started, "rule number one, there will be no smut." To underline his/her point he scrawled the word smut on the paper and crossed it off twice.

The fanfic enthusiast grimaced in disappointment. "Come on, we haven't even started yet. Just a little."

"No."

"How about a tiny flashback?"

"I said no."

" A teeny-tiny ..."

"Do you want gsr to happen or not?"

"Okay, okay, don't shoot."

"Number two; no babies."

"But everyone loves babies. Geek babies could be fun."

"Never."

"Jeez, you just have to spoil everything don't you? Ok, now it's my turn."

The show writer nodded and waited.

"You get rid of all women drooling over Grissom asap. Write this down," he/she pointed to the pen and paper.

"We got rid of Teri."

"Yeah, nice one but there is also the blonde and the dominatrix you keep pulling out of your hat."

"Listen, we are on the same page with Sofia but Lady Heather is hot stuff, all men love her and women either love her or love to hate her."

"We don't want her near Grissom. Period."

"But bdsm is sexy, geeklove is boring."

If looks could kill at that moment, the show would be one writer short. Raising both palms up in defense the offender backed off. "Geeklove is sacred, I get it. We can turn the dominatrix to a sex therapist and keep her as a friend. Hey, she can even help Grissom with his uptight personality, how about that?"

"Really? Is that the best you got?"

"And what about Sara's flings?"

"I don't care, kick them out, kill them even.

"God, you are determined aren't you?

"You bet. Okay, now let's talk about the most important thing in the fandom."

The show writer wrinkled his brow in question waiting for the other to elaborate.

"T-h-e k-i-s-s?" The fanfic writer exhaled with despair."This is the rule that rules them all, there has to be a kiss."

"Oh that, you know this is a crime show and people won't be interested to watch this on screen, maybe if we keep this whole thing off screen ..."

"Are you kidding meee?"

"Listen, we can plant little traces of gsr here and there, what the hell, we can even throw an unexpected marriage proposal ..."

"And no kiss? Are you really a writer or a certified torturer?"

"Wait, no, listen to this, Sara will kiss Grissom goodbye before she leaves. Heartbreakingly sweet right?"

"I can't believe you. There are hundreds of fanfics out there with a better first kiss than this."

"But she'll be back. Or he'll be back. Or whatever, they'll be together again. In the end.

That's what matters most right? A happy ending? And there will be many."

"Endings?"

"Yeah ... each time with a hug and maybe a kiss, sweat huh?" Seeing the other person still not convinced, the show writer carried on, "we can throw a kiss on a rollercoaster ride at the very end as a cherry on top."

The fanfic writer's eyes shone with delight at the sound of a rollercoaster. "About that, I've heard of people knocking it out on a ride ..."

"No."

"How about on a king sized bed in a Vegas hotel then?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"They will be too old by then."

"I'm sure they can show you otherwise if you only let them. They've been building up to this from season one."

"Oh get over it, you whiny people. Some things won't ever happen. Fantasies are best kept private."

"Can we at least write them in fics?"

"Knock yourselves out."

"Oh, we are and we will, you constipated assholes. We'll write them having the great sex you are denying us and even a baby or two. A proper happy ending."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

"You know, I don't want to spoil the fun for you die-hards but sex gets old and babies grow up and fly away but true love is ... forever."

The fanfic writer smirked dreamily. "It is, isn't it? A story of love that cannot belong to this world."

The show writer nodded with a smile and they both left the room a minute before Grissom and Sara showed up from under the table and smiled mischievously, drawing each other to an out of this world kiss.