these are my two pieces for reminiscence: the promised neverland fanzine! i wrote a diary entry for nat detailing his experiences in the woods and a short field note from anna to the younger girls on how to bake a pie during their stay in william minerva's paradise.

i'd like to thank kujopotato (twitter) for their wonderful companion illustration for anna's field note! thank you to the mods for hosting this free zine! if you'd like to check it out, visit tpnscrapbook on twitter.

these short pieces were finalized in april, 2021.

Salty and Sweet Blackberries

March 22, 2046

Dear Diary,

Everything is terrible. I still can't sleep. Hunger pains have formed a pit in my stomach. My body aches from trudging through this seemingly endless forest. No matter what I do, I can't find any respite! It's constant chaos out here. If we're not foraging for scraps of food, then we're running from or fighting monstrous demons who sometimes appear out of thin air. It's insane!

I'm also starting to lose track of time at night. The hours blend together, and the sky never changes. It's an endless streak of darkness. There aren't any moving clouds to count like sheep, not that I'd want to be distracted considering the demons roaming around us. Last night, these dog-like demons kept attacking the younger kids out of nowhere! We would've lost Dominic if Gilda hadn't been quick with her knife!

I can't catch a break. Back home, if I can still call it that, Grace Field was regulated. We had set meal times, set bedtimes, set study times, and set playtimes. I had a warm bed, not this drafty sleeping bag. We were so carefree running across cut grass, never tripping over these enormous tree roots and spraining our ankles. It was paradise compared to living out in this never-ending forest with parasites, downpours, and creatures around every corner.

I don't want to say it out loud because I know it'll make the younger kids upset, but I miss Mama. She was always ready for anything. She tucked me in and cooked our meals. Although I know she was preparing us for slaughter, she protected us. Now, we're on our own until we reach the human world.

Today was utterly dreadful, but it wasn't as bad as other days. I've definitely faced more instances where my life was on the line. I've seen my siblings nearly suffer broken bones or slit throats.

Still, today had my head spinning. I was on guard duty for a good three hours last night, so I hardly slept. Even worse, nightmares kept me awake when I was off duty. I think I got two hours of shut-eye, which only aggravated me when Ray woke us up early to collect supplies. He said we all had to work together for our family no matter what. I wanted to roll my eyes and retort, but the better part of me knew he was right.

Thoma, Anna, and I were in charge of gathering berries. We set out to a nearby area filled with thorny bushes. We each took a separate bush to pick from, but when I looked at the berries on my bush, they all appeared the same. They were round, plump, squishy orbs. Anna kept reminding us that we needed to be careful because poisonous ones grew on the same bush. Unless we purged it in time, eating them meant a quick, messy death.

I kept sorting them out on my palm. They were rich in color, almost entirely black. I knew they could've been blackberries with their inky sheen and soft exterior, but the poisonous ones looked eerily similar! I picked and picked, but I couldn't put any in my basket because I wasn't entirely sure which ones were safe to eat, although I should have known better.

Before I knew it, I started crying. I dropped the berries and bawled like a baby. Anna and Thoma stopped picking and came over to help, but it only worsened my mood. I should've been smarter! We studied berries from top to bottom before we left Grace Field. Emma had quizzed me about berry types two days before we escaped, but today, I failed that test.

Thoma reassured me that I was doing my best. He said he was having some trouble as well, but he still filled his basket. Anna guided me through the berries, assuaging my fears when she showed me the berries were indeed blackberries. I should have been embarrassed for crying over such a mistake, but they hugged me, and I couldn't reciprocate. I was too frustrated.

I sulked all the way back to our base. Don grilled fish over the campfire, and the blackberries provided a nice sweetness to complement the briny taste. When Emma said, "Wow, Nat, you picked the best berries." I did my best not to cry again. Shame filled me from head to toe. I felt like I broke because of something that shouldn't have disturbed me. They were only berries, not demons! What was wrong with me?

But by the time I settled in for the night, I realized why I broke. Nothing is the same anymore. The comfortable, cushy life I knew was over, and part of me mourned the loss of it. I've been pushed into this chaos with the hope of locating a safe society to settle down in with my siblings. I don't know if I'll be killed before it happens. If I go to sleep tonight, I might not wake up. It's an endless frustration, but there's a silver lining.

If I didn't have my siblings with me, then I'd have no chance of survival. I'd end up like poor Connie, frightened, impaled, eaten. I'd become a demon's appetizer, but even if these terrible phenomena keep occurring, I must keep living. Anna, Thoma, and the rest of my siblings believe in me. After what happened today, I want to make it to the human world with them more than ever.

Tomorrow will be better than today. I can't wait to wake up and greet it with my brothers and sisters.