The Next Night. Eric and Loona's Apartment.
"Let's get this party started boys!"
That was the first thing that came out of Blitzo's mouth the moment the booze was brought out for everyone. Eric is the first one to take a drink before the others. Out of all of them tonight. He knew was going to drink the most.
No one could keep up with how Snow was downing beer left, right and centre. He was trying to be careful with how much booze he consumed. But, when you have your boss, son and Vortex encouraging the star of his bachelor party to get his drink on. He couldn't just stop and say no.
"Okay, time for some dares to give the bachelor on his last night of freedom."
Blitzo says with half a vodka in his pint glass. Snow and Austin were all for it. Moxxie, however, was the more reserved one. That would soon change later on. But that is for later on in this chapter. To say he wanted to dare his best employee. Blitzo had a hard time coming up with dares. Luckily, Vortex stepped in.
"I have a dare for ya, Snow."
Snow was all ears. The moment Vortex devised his dare. It was something that the bachelor party would not forget. And, it would provide them with entertainment for a millennium to come.
With Snow. The guys are filming from inside Snow and Loona's Room
The moment the girls saw Snow appear in front of them in just a trench coat. Loona had a questioning look on her face while the girls were doing each other's hair and make-up. Charlie and Millie were wondering what the hell was going on until it happened.
"Ladies, my name is Eric Snow. I am to be your quick entertainment for the evening while you are getting ready. Charlie, Millie. This is what Loona will be marrying eventually."
The moment Snow revealed himself in his naked glory to the girls. The reactions varied. Loona's eyes were bulging out of her head and her face was red and flustered. all while Charlie and Millie were fanning themselves down.
All nine inches of Snow were on display for the women before him as he began to slowly strut over to Loona and began dancing on her. Leaving the bride to be blushing like crazy. And, the girls to catcall the hybrid who was giving them a live show. Millie was making it rain dollar bills while Charlie couldn't believe Loona would be tying down this dreamboat of a hybrid.
Back Upstairs Once the Dare was Complete.
The guys couldn't help rolling on the floor with laughter. Hell, Moxxie and Austin were laughing their ass off at what had just transpired. Blitzo even piped in with.
"Oh my god, their faces. I thought my Looney was going to blow a blood vessel with how red she was during your little show!"
Snow's laughter could be heard at what his boss was saying when he was putting on the shirt he'd ordered. After putting on some boxer shorts, jeans, socks and sneakers to go out tonight.
Taking a sip of his drink before placing his fifth bottle of beer down on his side of the bed. He looked around the room awaiting another dare. Blitzo had the next one for him.
"OK, you've given the girls a show. Now, do a douchebag move and send them a naked picture of you standing by the window of this room. Hell, I'll even take the picture for you and send it to the bachelorette group chat."
Snow was up for anything. He was doing this to make Loona remember what she was dealing with when she would be, eventually, married to him.
Getting undressed again into his birthday suit and moved over to the window. Eric grabbed the cowboy hat Vortex had thrown to him before placing it on his head. Posing for the photo with his head down a quarter of the way with one of his eyes obscured by the hat. And the other eye focuses dead centre on the camera while the curtain covered Snow's junk. Once the flash of Blitzo's phone camera went off. Eric quickly got dressed again for the second time and walked over to the laughing imps and hounds who had just sent the image. With bated breath. Eric got all the guys to listen for the sound that confirmed Loona's bachelorettes had received the image.
"SNOW!"
The guys were laughing their asses off again at the shout from Snow's fiancée. Their mission was complete. Now, they could focus on getting themselves ready for the party tonight.
Sometime Later
You could laugh at the names that were printed on the backs of the t-shirts Snow had ordered for himself and the guys. On the front, it read 'Snow's Life Is Over. Bachelor Party 2022'. As the guys went downstairs to greet the soon-to-be departing Bachelorette Party. It went as the following when Charlie read off what Snow's bachelor party had on their shirts:
Blitzo: 'Jackass'.
Moxxie: 'Mr Whippy'.
Austin: 'Iron Giant'.
Vortex: 'Black Mamba'.
Snow: 'The Groom' and 'Diamond Dick!'.
The girls had to agree with the names that were printed. Especially Loona when she read her fiancé's name on the back of his shirt.
For the girls. They were wearing low-cut Tank-Tops with the girls' Bachelorette names on the back. Their tanks on the front read 'Dirty Demonesses On Tour. Bachelorette Party 2022!' The 'she' part was printed like it was spray-painted above the demon part.
The girl's bachelorette names went as the following:
Millie: 'Wife of the Year'.
Eliza: 'Daddy's Girl'.
Charlie: 'Princess Sex Fiend.'
Loona: 'Bride to Be' and 'Hot Fuzz'.
Snow couldn't help but laugh lowly at Loona's name on the back of her tank top. He wasn't disagreeing with it. It surprisingly suited his girlfriend considering how many times he'd made his lover walk funny after.
Drinks were passed around the groups before their respective rides appeared. The girls were taking the royal limo and the guys were taking an Imp City minibus to Ozzie's in the Lust Ring. Kisses were exchanged between the couples who were together. After Loona kissed Snow. Eliza hugged her dad and her future mother together. Leading to Blitzo commenting quietly to Millie.
"I'm going to enjoy being a grandfather to that little family over there."
Millie couldn't help but gush at the cute sight before her. When the two females broke the group hug from the male. They separated and walked over to their transports. Once the girls departed for their destination. It just left the guys and the minivan.
A/N: This chapter will focus on the guys during Snow's Bachelor Party and all the antics they get up to before the girls come into it.
Snow's P.O.V.
Here we go! The guys and I were all ready to go the moment we all dog-piled into the minivan to go to the Lust Ring. The banter was shared. Mostly, at the expense of Moxxie, the only one who was married out of all the guys in the van.
Vortex, being the only one with alcohol in his bag, began to pass around the six-hundred per cent bottle of Beaming Demon to all the guys in the van. Honestly, I'd never tasted anything like the bitter equivalent of the human world's Jagermeister. The minute I did. My phone was out. And, I was taking selfies with the guys.
I flipped off the camera with Austin and Vortex. I took a couple of topless selfies with Moxxie and Blitzo. Soon, I found myself making out with Moxxie while still topless. The moment all those pictures were taken. I chose to forward them to the girls who, by now, we're in the western part of Pentagram City.
The moment I got a text back from Princess Sex Fiend. I wasn't expecting a lot of boobs to be present in the image. Minus my daughter, of course. The boys couldn't help but whoop and holler at how lucky I was to have so many boobs on display in one image.
As the rest of the journey calmed down a little. The guys wanted to save their energy for tearing up the town when they arrived. Blitzo, Vortex and Austin were seen playing Rummy while Moxxie was talking with me over shots. Whilst Queen blared from the stereo. I and Mox began shredding out the air guitar
The Lust Ring will not know what has hit it when my boys come to town.
Lust Ring (No P.O.V.)
"Well guys, we're here!"
Blitzo says from the back of the van. Leading all the men present to look outside the van and smirk. Once the van pulled up outside the main nightclub, which, in itself, was a popular hotspot for party-goers or bachelor parties.
The moment the bachelor party stepped out of the van, one by one, they got a good look at the venue before Moxxie spoke.
"The ultimate venue for a big night of debauchery and brawls. Welcome, everyone, to Ozzie's."
Snow and Austin couldn't help but nod before they all put on their shades and leather jackets. Once done. The group filed into the club. With a huge night ahead of them.
Montage Time. (Song Playing: Wig Wam Bam by Sweet).
Vortex was in his element when he is seen out drinking some of the club-goers with ease. Even out drinking a Bachelorette party that was in town at the same time as them. Moxxie recognised the imp that was getting married too. Causing him to hide his face so he wasn't spotted.
Snow had found his way onto the dance floor and was surrounded by many a beautiful woman. Austin was the same. Except, it was mostly stupidly drunk men who thought he swung both ways like his dad. Eric did find it hilarious at first. That was until one of them kept invading Austin's personal space. Causing Snow to deck the drunk in the face with a straight punch to the chin. Sending the jackass scrambling for the exit.
Blitzo was surprised to find a lot of guys around him. Some of them just didn't interest the boss of I.M.P. until one appeared on the dance floor. But, considering he had his beer goggles on. He wasn't expecting to get decked in the face, accidentally this time, by the bachelor who thought Blitzo was the douchebag harassing Austin from earlier.
The bar was now cheering between Snow and another party-goer during a game of arm wrestling on one of the many tables. The guy's friends did try to interfere on the losing party's behalf. Only for Moxxie to, much to Blitzo's surprise, smack one of the cheats over the head with a random she-demon's beer bottle. Breaking the glass in the process. Starting up a mass brawl in the process. Blitzo and Moxxie had managed to come out unscathed.
The main event of the night happened when Snow, Austin, Vortex, Moxxie and Blitzo got up on the karaoke and belted out Party Like Tomorrow is the End of The World by Steel Panther. Much to the crowd's surprise. The context of 'Main Event' was when a drunk Snow starts stripping to that one the song called Pony. Making all of the ladies, the gays and the bi's melt. Moxxie, of course, had a front-row seat for recording. This was being sent to the girls in the morning.
The guys were, however, unaware of the text message on Snow's phone reading…
To: Diamond Dick
From: Hot Fuzz
Sub: Emergency Change of Plans
'Hi, babe. some of the girls had to rush Charlie to the hospital. The dumbass broke her ankle trying to pole dance on a street light after we came out of one of the taverns in Pentagram. Her mom picked her up to go to the infirmary to make sure she was okay.
So with that. Millie, Eliza and I are gonna meet up with you guys soon at Ozzie's. Maybe, we could do a joint party together?
See you soon babe!'
End Montage
Later That Night
The night was only half done for the guys. Austin was completely sloshed and couldn't continue on his first-night drinking with his dad, grandpa, uncle and Vortex. This is shown when he picks a fight with a garbage can before he throws it through the window of a nearby house. Deciding his grandson needed a cab. Blitzo pitched in and hailed the first one arriving towards them.
Once Snow knew his son was safe inside the cab. And, watching it pull away towards Imp City. The four remaining guys decided to continue their night. Which they were glad to do after their impromptu strip show during Karaoke.
Outside The Night Club With Loona and Millie
Once the three women were outside the establishment. Millie was the first one to enquire.
"Hope the guys haven't got into too much trouble."
Loona nods and smirks in agreement. With a deep breath. The three remaining women from the bachelorette party enter the nightclub.
Inside Ozzie's
The one thing they weren't expecting was to get an eyeful of what was currently dancing on stage before them. With women clamouring towards the males on stage. All sorts of underwear were flying at the guys. Money included.
"Oh god. Who the fuck gave my dad Beaming Demon?!"
Eliza manages to stammer out with a blush painted loud and proud on her face. Loona and Millie, however, didn't know whether to feel one of the following four emotions at the sight of Millie's husband, Loona's boyfriend/Eliza's Dad dancing like Chippendales. The four emotions were the following. Amused, aroused, annoyed or angry. If you guessed all four emotions, dear readers. Ding, ding, ding. To claim your prize from Wally Wackford at the end of this chapter.
Moving through the crowds in front of the stage and standing smack dab in the centre of the crowd. The moment Snow clapped his eyes on Loona, well. He kept dancing for the crowd. But, he had to jump down from the stage and meet his fiancée. Once he got to her, he speaks.
"Honey, what a pleasant surprise. What are you doing here? I thought the bachelorette party was in Pentagram?"
"Well, Snow. If you had looked at your phone instead of dancing like one of Valentino's sluts. I'd texted you saying Charlie had broken her ankle. Her mom had taken her to the hospital. So, since Millie, myself and Eliza can hold our liquor. We decided to join you and your party in Imp City."
Eric chuckles. He would have spoken more if the chandelier they were sitting under hadn't, all of a sudden, decided to drop on the couple. Eric managed to push Loona and Eliza out of the way. Only for him to take the full brunt of the glass object. The sudden drop of the object sent everyone rushing out of the doors in a panic. Minus Snow, his party, Loona, Eliza and Millie.
"Show's over demons. Unless you all want a holy bullet in your disgusting heads. I suggest you all clear the fuck out!"
The perpetrator shouts from her spot on the balcony. From then, three more people began to appear before the bachelor party and three of the four from the bachelorette party. Judging by the halos and the masks around their mouths and noses. This was some sort of group from Heaven that dealt with assassinations.
"Lazarus Snow. I'd say it's a pleasure to meet you. But, that would be, THE BIGGEST, lie I could ever tell."
The female in charge says while walking forward towards the gathered group on the defensive. The female angel smirks. Seeing this as an opportunity that was best to be taken by her and her squadron, who had their weapons pointed at the group. She continues.
"What a day to collect a bounty. While you were busy partying. The man upstairs ordered yours.." Looks at Snow first, Eliza second, then Loona last. "And you two's extermination. Says that's the only way the purge will only happen on New Year's Eve again. So, here we are. The one hundred and eighty-ninth Holy Guard.
That's all Snow needed to hear. His eyes widened in fury at his old squadmates from his time as Lazarus. If they were here. Then, HE wasn't too far behind.
"Hello, Lazarus."
Blade through the gut of Snow and pure white wings announced the arrival of an angel Snow couldn't stand. When Snow got a look at the angel that stood tall above him with a holy sword through the Genesis's gut. Loona stood in horror when she slowly turned her head to see what had happened.
Confusion ensued the minute Snow dropped to his knees with the sword vanishing. His breathing became shallow. And, Loona to get to him during the ensuing melee. That was If she could get to him in time. And, try to get him through a portal back to the hotel.
Those that had stayed behind to confront the angels, well, their efforts were in vain. Loona, Eliza and Moxxie watched in horror first-hand at the brutality of denizens being led like lambs to the slaughter. Denizens being slaughtered, gutted and mutilated. All in front of their eyes.
"LEAVE NO ONE STANDING!"
That one order was soon followed by the massacre to come. Leaving the walls, bars and tables of Ozzie's turning red with insides, arms, legs and heads littering the once busy club.
During the heat of the confusion. Blitzo managed to get Loona, Eliza, Moxxie, Millie and Vortex through a portal to the Greed Ring. He almost went through himself. Until he was reminded by Eliza of one thing. He nearly forgot about Snow.
The minute he remembered his best employee. He ran whilst under fire from all sides. Luckily, he remembered how to bob, duck and weave when under fire.
Grabbing Snow. He had almost got him out safely. Almost being the keyword here. Zerachiel chose then to appear out of nowhere and roundhouse kick I.M.P.'s boss. Causing him to lose his grip on Snow. Sending the injured hybrid skittling towards the portal. Luckily, Moxxie and Vortex were still on hand. With quick thinking, and a hand from a drunken Austin and Eliza, they rag the out-cold hybrid through the portal.
The moment it starts closing. Loona shouts.
"LAST CALL ON THE PORTAL, BLITZ!"
Blitzo looked over towards the portal. It was indeed growing smaller by the second. And, if he didn't get out of the war zone soon. He'd have to deal with the angel that was currently blocking his path.
This was it. Blitzo would have to fight his way out of this cruel handicap before him. All weapons were now pointed at him now. And, they were ready to fire at the first moment he chose to run.
Clink, Clink, Clink
That one noise from a canister rattling as it bounced into the room, broke the concentration of everyone in the room. Blitzo looked on confused until he saw Snow smirking with a look that said 'thank me later'. Soon, a blinding light filled the room. Causing the angels and Zerachiel to cover their eyes and ears. Blitzo, however, was pulled into the portal by Eliza before it closed fully behind him.
Once the ringing eventually died down. And, the angels noticed it was only Zerachiel in the room with no Snow or I.M.P., Zerachiel smirked and shook his head. Saying to himself in the process.
"Well played, Lazarus. Well played you son of a bitch."
