Prompt: Mascot/Costume (2021)
The name 'Onodera Ritsu' felt like a costume more often than not. Posing for uncomfortable family portraits in stuffy, itchy clothing as a child is probably where it all started. Unfortunately, it hardly ended there.
Dinner parties, repeated conversations about reputation and image when Ritsu stepped even slightly out of line, and being told to network at the ripe age of fourteen. As if awkward, anxious, teenage Ritsu could network. Who was he even supposed to be networking with? The guy who sat behind him in homeroom?
Ritsu hardly even found any solace in 'Oda' Ritsu. Rather than his true self, it was simply a new mask. As happy as he was to spend time with Saga Senpai, as much as he loved him, he was too nervous, too on edge to ever really express himself accurately.
Maybe they would have been able to get there one day.
Maybe.
Not that either of them ever got the chance to reach a new level of emotional intimacy and vulnerability. It was too bittersweet to think about what the two of them could have had, if they had managed to move past their combined teenage anxiety and angst.
Ritsu wasn't quite himself when he went to England either. Well, he was a version of himself, but it was a version that he didn't particularly like. It was a version of him that was lonely, numb, and when he wasn't numb he was angry and punching his roommate, or worse, waking up in the middle of the night crying. He preferred angry, even if it made Nao's cheek bruise and made his knuckles hurt. Waking up from a nightmare of your first and only love until you cried yourself back to sleep was so much more embarrassing.
College was better. Still not quite the liberation he desired as he was still under the impression that he'd be taking over his family's company one day and he needed to be sure he kept his nose clean. Not that Ritsu was actively looking for trouble, but he never felt like he could fully relax. Still, it was better than his previous schooling experience and he remembered his college years fondly.
Then it just got worse, worse than Ritsu could have ever imagined. He joined his father's company because it was what he was supposed to do. It was expected of him. It was the right thing.
Right?
When Ritsu was seven he almost drowned. His family was on vacation and it only took one unsupervised moment for the water to overtake him. It was dark, confusing, terrifying, painful, suffocating.
Every morning when Ritsu woke up to go to work at Onodera publishing, it felt like he was seven and drowning again. Ritsu either had to break the surface of the water or sink to the bottom. He, much to the dismay of his parents, broke free. It should have been a simple, easy decision, but it took him a while to get over the guilt of putting himself first. He isn't even fully convinced that he's completely over it. Rather, he just doesn't think about it as often. Did that count? He didn't know and he didn't care. He didn't have the time to unpack that. He had other things to worry about.
Because of course, of course, this transition to a new job could not go smoothly. The universe had to throw in a little extra drama, special just for him. Ritsu couldn't think about Onodera Publishing, his parents, nor his arranged engagement when he had his boss and ex lover breathing down his neck.
Not boss and ex lover as in two different people, oh no Ritsu would've much preferred that, but his boss who IS his ex lover. Which meant Onodera Ritsu could hardly come into a true version of himself, not while constantly keeping his guard up around Takano Masamune.
Ritsu didn't even fully know who 'himself' was at this point. It could be argued that his true self was the person he was behind closed doors, but that was a theory he chose to ignore because the person he was behind closed doors wasn't too different from the one in England. Only he was less angry and more regretful. More lovesick. And, most terrifying of all, more hopeful.
Hope.
God, Ritsu hated hope. Hope was what made him accept Saga's offer to date, hope was what brought him to that library every day after school, and hope was what prompted him to ask if Saga loved him.
Love, of course, had a hand in all of that too, but hope was what really hurt you. Hope was what got crushed, shattered, and spat on. Love wasn't enough to patch hope up.
So Ritsu would keep the costume on. He would get to work on time, play the part of a hardworking employee, go home, eat a less than nutritious dinner, shower, and then go to bed alone. And he'd do it again and again and again until he collapsed.
Or, at least that's what he told himself, but deep down Ritsu knew the truth: Takano Masamune was only a few months away from unmasking him. And once it was off, he'd never be able to put it back on.
"Takano Ritsu..." Masamune said to himself one evening as work, breaking Ritsu out of his concentration. "Or maybe Onodera Masamune...Takano-Onodera Ritsu?" Masamune continued to muse out loud, he and Ritsu being the last ones left behind in the office.
Ritsu's eye twitched in annoyance. "What are you mumbling over there?" He asked.
"I'm just wondering who should take whose last name when we get married." Masamune said casually and confidently, as if the two of them were already engaged. "I think Onodera Masamune sounds better than Takano Ritsu. Though, hyphenated isn't bad either. What do you think?"
Ritsu felt his stomach sink as he looked down at his desk, hiding his hands in his lap so Masamune couldn't see how he was clenching them.
"Onodera is a terrible name."
Masamune was taken slightly aback by how serious Ritsu sounded and...did he look pale?
"No it's not." Masamune said, a little confused and unsure of what direction this conversation was going in.
"I would never pass that name on to anyone." Ritsu said before suddenly standing, shutting his laptop a little too loudly and shoving it into his bag. "I'm going home."
"Wait-Ritsu-" Masamune reacted quickly, having learned his lesson ten years ago when he was too slow to chase after his first and only love and lost him because of it. He shot up out of his seat and grabbed Ritsu's wrist before he could run out of the room. "What's wrong?" He asked. Masamune had expected Ritsu to get embarrassed, flustered and snippy at the flirting, but not upset. Not like this.
"Nothing." Ritsu ripped his arm away from Masamune's grip with a strength he normally didn't use. Shit, Ritsu was seriously upset about this.
"Hey, I didn't mean to-I was teasing you-" Masamune scrambled in a way that was unlike him, trying to fix this somehow.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Takano-san. Good night." Ritsu responded coldly, not looking at him.
"I'm sorry." Masamune apologized quickly. "I didn't think the idea of marrying me would be so...appalling to you." He said, trying not to let the hurt leak into his voice. Masamune knew he and Ritsu weren't officially a thing, but he thought it was pretty obvious how they both felt at this point. Had he been wrong?
Ritsu felt like he was going to be sick. "No-that's not-listen, I don't want to talk about it, but that's not it." He said, his back still to Masamune. Although he was technically admitting that the idea of marrying Masamune wasn't totally repulsive, he was hardly in a state of mind to care.
"Okay. No talking then." Masamune said, cautiously winding his arms around Ritsu's waist and holding him tightly.
Ritsu gave a nervous side glance, though still didn't fully look at Masamune. "What are you doing?"
"No talking." Masamune said, resting his chin on Ritsu's shoulder. If Ritsu didn't want to divulge what was bothering him then Masamune wouldn't push. He was trying to get better at that sort of thing. But, he'd be damned if he let Ritsu storm off alone and upset.
Ritsu opened his mouth, going to argue, placing his hands on Masamune's arms in preparation to try to push them away, but he felt Masamune give him a slight squeeze and he froze. Slowly, he relaxed into Masamune's embrace.
No talking.
Ritsu could work with no talking.
Ritsu wasn't sure how long the two of them stood there, Masamune just holding him and Ritsu for once allowing it. Ritsu knew, despite how small the allowance of affection, it was just another piece of his costume being stripped away. And he was both eager and terrified to get rid of all of it.
