"You cannot judge my Asgardian attire, you wear a flag across your stomach, spangles!" Loki feigned offence, actually, he was offended, his formal wear was one of the most magnificent outfits one could ever wear. And yes, he'd learnt to use 'spangles' from Stark.
"That's nothing compared to wearing that absurd helmet of yours, I mean horns, really?" Steve replied in an equally offended manner. The two of them had come back to the big question of who's costume was better, thanks went to Tony for starting this particular round of bickering, who claimed that his Iron Man suits were aesthetically superior to what everyone else wore.
"What's wrong with my helmet!?" He said, now using his magic to change into full Asgardian attire. Steve then decided to do something very bad. Very, very bad. He touched the helmet. Not only did he touch the helmet but he lifted it off Loki's head and put it on himself, planning on showing Loki how ridiculous it looked. What Steve hadn't anticipated was how attached Loki was to his cape and helmet, that no one touched the cape and no one even breathed near the helmet on pain of something very unpleasant. Unfortunately, by the time Steve registered Loki's reaction, it was too late to take back his actions.
"Did you just touch me helmet?" Loki said quietly through gritted teeth, making him look very intimidated. "Did, you, just take the helmet?" After waiting the appropriate amount of time for a dramatic pause he shouted. "DID YOU JUST PUT ON MY HELMET!?" Oops, Steve thought to himself. Perhaps this was a mistake.
"Uhh. No?" Was that really his only answer? It wasn't as if Loki went around with Steve's shield was it, the god expected the same level of courtesy to be paid to his belongings too.
Loki knew he was under probation of sorts, and if he didn't do as S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted they'd take him away from Steve, and the rest of the avengers too but it was only Steve that mattered. Even with the rage he felt towards Steve at the moment for trying on his helmet, he couldn't be without him. So, to satisfy the Avengers he swallowed his anger and then resorted to a different tactic, one Steve did not expect.
"Well, since you seem to be enjoying my helmet so much perhaps you would enjoy trying the rest of my outfit too, perhaps?" Before Steve had any time to say anything Loki used his magic to do an outfit swap of sorts. He had to say, the Captain looked rather dashing in his clothes, and by using his magic he could make it fit Steve perfectly... Good luck getting that of later. No really, Loki had to use magic most of the time to get it off unless he was happy spending the following night and day removing them. It was a small price to pay in order to be the most glorious person in the room. Thor was rather lucky, it took him all of ten minutes to change clothes.
Since Steve was now wearing Loki's clothing, Loki thought about changing into his normal Midgardian attire but then changed his mind. A second later he was wearing Steve's 'uniform'. It was rather tight, incredibly form-fitting in a way Loki knew would distract Steve. Not that he'd let anything come out of it today, because he was angry and mischievous, apparently that's not the best combination, and if Steve was going to insult him and his frankly amazing sense of dress...
"What the... God your helmet is heavy." Was it? Loki had never really noticed, you got used to it after a while. Loki smirked as he walked around the house, continuing his daily tasks and rituals. For the most part Steve just stood there, fidgeting awkwardly.
"Anything wrong, dear?" Loki said with a smirk. Steve finally started walking around, albeit quite cautiously. This was on him, if he was going to make fun of his clothing and touch his helmet, well, Loki considered this a very mild punishment under the circumstances.
"Mr Odinson, Captain Rodgers, your assistance is required at S.H.I.E.L.D., they have requested you head over at once," JARVIS called from everywhere but nowhere at the same time. Loki found the AI quite unnerving, a machine that could speak as a person could, a machine you couldn't see. Loki wasn't actually a part of the Avengers so wasn't required to fight but no one trusted him in the Tower alone - rightly so, though for different reasons - so Loki ended up accompanying them. It was that or a S.H.I.E.L.D. cell equipped to 'hold him'. Pfft, they didn't have a chance of holding him, he just let them think as much, it was quite useful at times. It was so easy to leave an illusion in place for them to 'see' whilst he left to address matters that required his attention more urgently.
Loki wasn't the one that was in trouble this time, he had been on best behaviour, so he changed to more suitable clothing, for him that consisted of a suit and scarf. Steve, however, was left in full costume. This was going to be fun! After all, why should Loki deny anyone the magnificence that was Steve in Asgardian attire?
"Why, what's up?" Steve asked back to JARVIS.
"It seems Von Doom is using his doom bots to attack a nearby city." JARVIS replied. Loki had heard of this Doctor Von Doom but never had the pleasure to meet him in person. From what he'd been told he had some sort of magic, it was time to put this spell weaver to the ultimate task. Beating Loki. It was quite the impossible feat though, Loki had been around for nigh on one thousand years and had learnt to control magic the proper way, knew far more spells than most of these Midgardians could even think up, and of course there was the fact he was one of the five most powerful spell weavers in all of the nine realms, Von Doom was not one of the other four.
Loki began to walk the elevator, knowing how much Steve disliked him teleporting into S.H.I.E.L.D. they always thought he was attempting to overthrow someone or something Loki that, they were overly paranoid by far. Really, if he were to attempt anything he would not be so blatantly obvious as to teleport right in there... Well... Actually he might, it was more exciting like that.
"Loki. Aren't you forgetting something?" Steve asked, gesturing to what he was still wearing.
"Nope." Loki replied, popping the 'p' as he pressed the button that signalled for the elevator to come to this level. Loki was surprised Asgard did not have any of these 'elevators' but then again there were other means to travel around the city of the gods.
"Seriously Loki, how do you expect me to even move in this? Change it back now." Steve tried to use his authoritative voice but Loki was enjoying this far too much to give in so quickly, this was punishment, and he liked looking at the Captain wearing his things, it showed that he possessed Steve, he was no one else's. An image of Steve wearing nothing but his helmet came unbidden into his mind, but Loki suppressed it, now was not the time. Loki berated himself as he walked into the elevator and held the button that kept the two doors open for Steve.
"Worry not dear Captain, I have placed a spell so nothing will fall off or get in your way. You'll find they are actually rather easy to fight in, perhaps I shall even get you a staff to complete the outfit." Loki could see the stress pan across Steve's features, perhaps wondering how long it would take to change Loki's mind. But they were pressed for time, and Loki wasn't going to swap his clothes back any time soon. Perhaps it was immature, to do this while a threat affected citizens nearby, but it wasn't the kind of matter Loki concerned himself with.
Sighing, Steve joined Loki in the elevator, surprised that he had managed to walk at all. They didn't talk but it wasn't an awkward silence, Steve could sense the smirk on Loki's face even when turned away from him. Both were in their own thoughts.
It didn't take long for the two of them to reach the top of the building where Natasha was sitting in the quinjet, most likely with Clint up front too to talk to, whilst Loki and Steve boarded the jet. Knocking on the divider, Steve signalled that they were ready to leave. Steve was secretly grateful that neither of the two S.H.I.E.L.D. agents had been focused enough to see what he was wearing, hopefully, Loki would change him back before they arrived at the helicarrier.
"Steven." Loki called in an overly innocent voice, making Steve drop his frown in favour of a smile, he couldn't help it. Wanting to show he was still annoyed, however, he didn't grace Loki with a verbal reply. Loki took it all in his stride and they sat in silence the whole journey to the helicarrier, him thinking up more ways to humiliate his dear Captain, for justice to be had there must be more than one punishment. Perhaps Midgardians didn't understand, but to take Loki's helmet was truly a grave insult. Thor's hammer, Odin's eye patch, Sif's shield, Fandral's comb, they were things you did not touch, they were things you did't even breathe on if you valued your life. The insult was twofold as his helmet was his royal crown in addition to an item of personal importance. If Steve had touched his cape, he would have been more lenient, but his helmet, no, if it was anyone else it would have been unforgivable. Luckily, Loki could never be angry with Steve for long, he loved him too much for that.
Loki knew that, as per usual, everyone would be waiting outside the jet once they arrived, it seemed to be some sort of tradition. He wondered what Stark would have to say on the matter, so long as he didn't then go and insult Loki's formal wear any further than he had earlier - he did not like being called a reindeer, it wouldn't be long now until he took his revenge for that insult!. He could make life very difficult for all the avengers without breaching any rules of the probation, if any further insult was suffered, he'd come up with five ideas already in the flight over.
Loki gracefully stood up and walked out of the jet meanwhile Steve contemplated if he could somehow remain inside without raising suspicion. He could demand once more that Loki change back his clothes but he had the feeling it would only encourage the Trickster.
Steve was supposed to be the leader of the avengers, wherever Captain America went, the media followed. What would people say if they saw him running around in the clothes of an ex-villain? Steve was surprised they fit him so well, because Loki wasn't the same size or shape as him, perhaps it was another one of his 'delightful' magic tricks.
"Come on out Cap, what're ya' waiting in the jet for? Turns out the Von Doom thing was a false alarm, so need to hide in there princess." Tony called from outside the jet. False alarm? Did that mean they could just go straight back to Stark Tower? Preferably before anyone saw him. Then again, everyone would probably decide to go back to the Tower too so they'd still see him.
"Steve." Loki cooed in a teasing voice from outside, coaxing him to step out into the light. With a sigh, Steve walked off the quinjet and onto the helicarrier. wincing slightly at the bright glare of the summer sun. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust but once they had he looked over at the rest of the avengers.
"Loki? Where is the captain, is this another of your illusions?" Thor asked, you couldn't really blame him it wasn't as if you could see him properly with all the metal and leather covering him, he was sweating out of his mind here, how did Loki deal with it?
"Nope, it's me," Steve said awkwardly.
"It's you, cap? Not Horns Magnifico?" Tony said hesitantly. Steve lifted the helmet to reveal that yes, it was him. It was at that moment Director Fury decided to join them. Everyone knew he was the least appreciative of Steve and Loki's 'friendship', thankfully he didn't know they were more than just friends, that'd be a disaster. Actually, none of the Avengers or S.H.I.E.L.D. knew just how 'close' they were, Loki always snuck into Steve's room, using his magic to tamper with JARVIS' recording systems, neither of them were ready to go 'public' as it was called quite yet, though the occupants of Stark Tower probably had their suspicions. Especially Tony, he would definitely have suspicions.
"Rogers. What are you doing? It isn't Halloween, get your mother fucking ass out of that costume now!" Nick said in his usual fashion, Steve would have happily complied if he could.
"Ye... I can't do that. Sir." Steve added the sir hastily at the end, quietly telling himself to stop feeling so embarrassed, he was lucky he wasn't blushing!
"And what is that supposed to mean Rogers?"
"It means I have no idea how to take it off, sir," Steve replied in a classic military tone. Fury scowled, one could call him Fury-ous. That sounded like something Stark would say.
"What are you doing wearing it in the first place?" Steve had got used to those above him in command doing these sorts of interrogations a long time ago, but this was particularly awkward.
"Loki," Steve said simply, hoping to move the attention to him, perhaps there was a version of this where the whole thing backfired on the Trickster. Director Fury turned on the spot to look at Loki, his heels clicking as he stopped, everyone else turned their attention as well. Whenever the two of them were talking to each other you knew there was going to be an argument, one you could sense from a mile off.
Fury silently posed his question just through looking at the ex-villain, waiting for Loki to reply. Loki simply smirked and replied with a shrug of the shoulders.
"He touched my helmet." No one seemed to understand how big a deal this was. On Asgard, Loki remembered an incident where someone had tried to take Hogun's mace. Though he was quiet he was the type to hold a grudge and could be extremely violent. A week or two later, they found someone tied to a tree wearing a maiden's garments having being left there for nigh on ten days! People didn't hold the same value to their personal possessions here.
"So you decided to dress him up in the full thing?" Tony butted in before Fury could say anything, you could see he was finding the whole thing hilarious. Thor was still looking slightly confused, Bruce was there keeping his neutrally calm expression on, and of course, the two love birds - aka Natasha and Clint - were still looking and talking to each other whilst denying their feelings.
"Yes, Thor will agree with me on this that what Steve did is highly disrespectful, and as a matter of honour I can't turn a blind eye. Under the circumstances, my reaction has been extremely mild and generous."
Everyone then turned to Thor, who nodded here. "My brother-
"I am not your brother!" Loki shouted but Thor ignored him.
"-Is correct. On Asgard, most people have certain personal items which make them recognizable that you should never touch or hold, for it is personal to the owner."
"What's yours?" Someone asked, Steve wasn't paying particular attention as to who it was.
"I have one, yes." Loki noted that Thor technically was answering a different question to the one asked. He presumed because Tony would then want to go poking around with it. "As you know, I am particularly attached to Mjolnir." Loki remembered in his younger days, he had been merely a teenager, he'd gone to see if he could pick up Mjolnir, this was before the time where the 'he who is worthy' spell had been placed on it so it was just a heavy hammer. Thor had hit him and Loki had landed rather deep in Frigga's gardens, bearing in mind that he had been near Thor's chambers at the time. A very painful day, week rather, that was a very big drop, and he'd landed in a rose bush. Never again would he attempt it... And get caught.
"Ah..." Loki could see Stark's mind at work, what was he planning? No doubt how to get Mjolnir. Loki would advise him against the task but thought his curiosity at what Thor would do for the attempt stopped him, after all, why would he do such a thing as to help? That was what the heroes did was it not? He just stood and watched, preferably with a tub of popcorn, one of his new favourite delicacies.
But no, Stark decided to then go and do what Steve did, take the helmet out of Steve's hands and place it upon his head.
"I am the new reindeer games! You must all kneel before me as I prance around and rule the world!" He shouted. Was that his impersonation of Loki? Not only did he touch the helmet, he put the helmet on his head and he insulted him! He would not live to see the sunset!
Tony seemed to realize Loki's rage and quickly started running away, after a fraction of a second hearing Loki scream with rage before chasing him.
Had Steve realized what Tony was doing he would have tried to stop the poor fellow, but looking at Loki running - and gaining - on Tony he knew he'd brought it on himself. He was all for justice and that, and he didn't really want Tony to get hurt, he doubted he could run in the rest of this outfit anyway, and he was still sweating out of his mind.
"And YOU! Get in your fucking uniform now Rogers!" Steve was jolted back to what everyone said by the Directors remark, seeing the anger in the gaze that Nick held he took a note out of Tony's book. Run. They could all deal with the director.
"You're on your own guys!" He shouted over his shoulder as he ran in the direction where he saw Loki doing something he couldn't quite make out with Tony, whatever it was, it was most likely far more unpleasant than what had been done to him.
