Evening passed, and morning followed, and Lappland hadn't slept a wink since her bad dream. Her eyes were bloodshot. She smiled at her own stupidity.
Presently, she sat in the cafeteria, all by her lonesome. She remembered to take her medication today, at least, and could already feel herself mellowing out. The never-ending dull static in her mind was muted — if only for a little while.
Frowning, Lappland picked at her food with a fork. She didn't feel very hungry this morning, in spite of how delicious it all looked. Waffles, chicken, bacon, sausages, Rhodes Island typically spared no expense when it came to its options. They'd hired more chefs lately, much to everyone's relief.
But the medication, despite how good it was for her brain, did astonishingly little for her stomach. It robbed her of her hunger — for food, and for conversation, and for action.
No drive. She's stuck in the lonely position of neutral.
"Lappland?"
And at the sound of her own name, Lappland screws her eyes shut, and she sighs.
One… two… three.
She opens her eyes again, and when she does, she's grinning wickedly. Putting on airs; a purely fictitious crack in the middle of her face.
"Well well well… if it isn't the sweet little apple pie angel of Rhodes Island."
Exusiai smiled, sympathetically, and she shook her head.
"I am not! I'm the sweet little apple pie angel of Lungmen," she corrected. "I only work at Rhodes Island whenever the higher-ups need my services." She paused, and gave a lackadaisical shrug. "Then again, they have been needing my services more and more, lately. I must be a pretty popular operator, huh?"
"But of course!" Lappland's grin darkened. "I can imagine the rest of the squad needing a morale boost in the late night hours."
"Pfft, shut up. Anyway, can I sit with you?" Exusiai asked.
"No," said Lappland.
"'Kay, cool." Exusiai sits down right in front of Lappland, much to the Lupo's chagrin.
"What are you doing here, Exusiai?" Lappland asked, plainly. "I thought you were attached to Texas at the hip. You certainly carry her stench. How suspicious…"
"I do not carry Texas's stench," Exusiai responded, defensively. "And I'm also not attached to her by the hip! You're the one hopelessly obsessed with her," she said with an eye roll.
"How can one not be obsessed with Texas? She's truly remarkable, isn't she? The manner in which she fights, and her composed and aloof nature… and in the face of everything we deal with every single day, she's managed to stay uninfected, despite her messengerial duties…" Lappland wondered if she was rambling all of a sudden, and then she realized she didn't give a shit. "I know for certain that Texas doesn't talk about me… but we go way back. To Siracusa," Lappland said, "Paese di sangue."
"Riiiight…" Exusiai leaned in a little closer, her hands on the table between them. "I wonder about that kind of stuff all the time, you know. Texas's past… Siracusa, and how she got there, since she was born in Colombia… I think."
Lappland scoffed. "She'll never tell you. She's trying oh-so hard to be the most hypocritical Lupo who ever lived."
"Hypocritical?" Exusiai blinked. "How so?"
Lappland sighed, shaking her head. "Texas doesn't just run away from the past… she's walking backwards away from it, holding up two middle fingers." Exusiai chuckles at the imagery, and Lappland continues. "But the past always has a way of catching up to you. I know that. She knows that," said Lappland, "and she's openly accepting that by… using her family name as her own name, as if she's ready for what's coming for her. She can't decide on whether or not to commit to her own farce. It's ridiculous."
"Is she ready?" Exusiai asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know. I would love to talk to her about it… but she doesn't ever want to speak to me. I can't imagine why!" Lappland smirked. "But for Texas to use that name — Texas… — she must have some brass balls carrying the family's banner like that. Such is the assumption." Lappland surprised herself with her sudden change in vernacular. Thoughts of home often filled her with a sort of cultural gusto.
"Do you know Texas's real name?" Exusiai asked.
"Of course I do," said Lappland.
"Wow… what is it?" Exusiai leaned in a little bit closer.
Lappland smiled. She took a long sip of her juice, relishing in the Sankta's impatience, before she cleared her throat. She pretended she was about to speak a single word, and then…
"You truly don't know Texas's real name? Do you not scream it every night?" She asked.
"We're not in a relationship," Exusiai corrected, kindly. She didn't seem the least bit offended, which almost surprised Lappland. "We're partners… but we're not partners. Y'know?"
"Hm. Could have fooled me," Lappland muttered. Exusiai smiled secretively.
"Hey… Lappland, are you feeling alright?" Exusiai asked suddenly. So suddenly, in fact, that Lappland was thrown for a loop.
"Oh, I'm just PEACHY, little angel. Why do you ask?"
"Because you're a terrible liar?" Exusiai smiled a radiant smile, her eyes sealed. Lappland couldn't help but grimace from Exusiai's heavenly gleaming. "You've got some serious issues, Lappland But I like you! It makes me sad that we can't all hang out — you, me, Texas… Every time I see you here, you're eating by yourself. Or… it looks like you're harassing someone younger than you."
Lappland raised a brow. "You like to stare at me while I eat?"
"Hey, I didn't say that!" Exusiai frowned. "I'm just…"
"Just?" Lappland rolled her eyes. "Do yourself a favor and stay away from me, Exusiai. You'll live longer."
"I'll live longer? You're concerned about that?" Now it was Exusiai's turn to roll her eyes. "Lappland… shut up."
"Excuse me?"
"You're telling me to stay away from you so I can live longer?" She smiled ruefully now. "I live in the city of Lungmen. I'm in Penguin Logistics. Texas is my roommate. There is literally someone trying to rob us, or behead us, or rob us and then behead us every single day. We have Sora; we have an idol in our squad. Do you have any idea how freaking crazy idol fans are? Some of them can survive on nothing but bath water."
"Okay." Lappland stared hard. "I don't know what that means."
"Yeah, well…" Exusiai eyed Lappland's tray, and all the food it contained. "Sheesh, you're always so picky with your meals. Are you gonna eat that, or what?"
"You're possibly the strangest Sankta I've ever met," said Lappland, shoving her tray Exusiai-wards, much to the angel's glee.
"Do you know a lot of Sanktas? Or, knew?"
"Yes, yes indeed…"
"Is this the part where you tell me," said Exusiai, shoving a fork through a waffle, "that you've killed more than a handful of them?"
"When I've had to," said Lappland, shrugging lazily.
"How dangerous…~" Exusiai shoved an entire waffle into her mouth, clearly enjoying the conversation in spite of what Texas would say. What she would think. Lappland could only stare at the redhead across from her, simply wondering just what the hell Texas saw in this weirdo.
"And you?" Lappland asked.
"And me?" Exusiai was hardly finished chewing when she asked. "You want to— mmf, learn about my past?"
"No. I don't care about that. I want to know the real reason why you decided to bother me this morning," Lappland remarked, bitterly.
Exusiai said nothing for a moment. She simply held up her forefinger, and she chewed, and she chewed, and she chewed… and the she swallowed, and then she sighed, and then she said:
"You looked sad. And… really tired."
Lappland laughed. "Feeling charitable, is that it? Doing your good deed for the day?"
"Something like that," said Exusiai. Lappland took a moment to really look the angel over. That glowing halo above her head, which had somehow grown brighter over the course of their conversation. The sharp red of her eyes, matching the locks of her short-cut hair. That… thing around her neck…
"What is that?" Lappland asked, her eyes suddenly locked right on the item that Exusiai had wrapped around her neck. Exusiai followed Lappland's gaze and, after swallowing another mouthful of waffle, she pulled the necklace out of her shirt, showing it off to the curious Lupo.
It was a necklace of rosary beads, ending in an obvious cross. The beads, and indeed the cross, were pitch black in color. Exusiai smiled.
"Rosaries," she said, simply.
Lappland's expression changed before she even realized it. She winced, like she'd been pricked by something, and she turned her face away from Exusiai. The rest of the cafeteria was indifferent. People ate together, more often than not. Squad leaders giving tactical breakdowns in the middle of their team meals. Rhodes Island staffers chatting amongst themselves. Medical operators ensuring that their patients were following at least some kind of dietary plan. And Rhodes Island, despite all the serious work that took place aboard the roving landship, still had its fair share of cliques and friend groups.
Exusiai should be spending time with someone else. This is what Lappland had already decided. This conversation was growing bothersome for her, and not just because her medication had made her susceptible to such irritations. Exusiai, however, knew that Lappland wanted her to leave. That's precisely why she didn't.
"Do they bother you?" The Sankta asked, smiling. She carefully rubbed the cross between her index finger and her thumb, watching Lappland closely. "There's nothing wrong with having a little faith, is there?"
Lappland felt sick. "You can do whatever you want. I don't care."
"Well," said Exusiai, "that's clearly not true."
"What?" Lappland asked.
"Seems like it bothers you a lot," Exusiai remarked, holding out the rosary beads in her small, pale hand. "Is it a Lappland repellent? Is it like your kryptonite or something? Huh?"
"Stop," Lappland warned, scowling, "you're beginning to frustrate me."
"I just want an answer, that's all." Exusiai backed off, and she put her head through the rosary necklace again, giving the cross a little smooch. "You're not pious, huh? Don't believe in The Big Man upstairs?" Exusiai pointed straight up. "Or…?"
"Or maybe you're not supposed to wear rosary beads," Lappland muttered, scowling down at the table between them. Her expression was hard enough to cut through diamond. Exusiai did a double take.
"What?"
"Are you deaf?" Lappland suddenly snapped at her. "You are not. Supposed. To wear rosary beads," she enunciated carefully for her, spitefully. "That's sacrilegious."
"It… no it's not," Exusiai shook her head, dumbfounded. "It's not sacrilege. Why would it be?" Her shoulders dropped.
"Because you're treating a sacred object like a fashion accessory," Lappland remarked, scoffing. "You're undermining it. Undermining The Big Man upstairs," Lappland placed emphasis on those last few words by making air quotes as she spoke to Exusiai, who was suddenly thrown for a loop.
"I'm not undermining Him." Exusiai defended herself. "I don't just wear it around for nothing. It's a constant… reminder."
"A reminder for what?" Lappland snapped again.
"To be better than I am," Exusiai snapped back, her brows knitted like she was suddenly staring down a firing range. "To be the best version of me that I can be. In all facets of life."
"What a load of shit. You're full of SHIT."
"Lappland, what the hell?" Exusiai flinched as Lappland suddenly stood up, and turned to leave the table. "Hey, wait! Look, I'm sorry, I won't bring it up again!"
"Save it," Lappland warned, leaving the scene. "Don't bother me again."
"What's your problem? What did I do?" Exusiai didn't heed the Lupo's warning. She followed after Lappland, suddenly more than a little worried. "Lappland, it's just beads, OK? I'm sorry. If it bothers you, I won't bring up the religious stuff anymore. I'm sorry," Exusiai repeated. By now, the surrounding cafeteria tables were watching them with concern. Rhodes Island operators and staff members, some familiar and some not, were eyeing Exusiai and Lappland as if something was about to happen between them, here and now. Lappland, however, was focused squarely on leaving.
"Where are you going?" Exusiai asked. Lappland laughed bitterly.
"Haven't thought that far ahead, I'm afraid," said the Lupo.
"Look," said Exusiai, "let me make it up to you, OK? I feel like crap. I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject. I promise it won't happen again… Lappland, come on."
Lappland made a sound of disgust. Suddenly, she realized the irony of the situation: she wondered if Texas ever felt like this, as a result of her own japery.
Her feet carried her out of the cafeteria, and down a brightly-lit hallway. One of the many on Rhodes Island. Exusiai, unfortunately, persisted.
"Please let me make it up to you?" Exusiai asked again, trying a little smile.
"What for? Why can you not simply leave me alone?" Lappland asked.
"No," Exusiai's shoulders sagged, as if she carried the weight of the landship itself. "That's not what you need right now."
"That's rich. Are you my doctor now?"
"I'm… trying to be your friend," Exusiai admitted.
"What makes you think I want that?" Lappland slowed down. She actually didn't know where she was going.
"We'll work better together," said Exusiai, "if we have better rapport! You know?"
Exusiai nearly crashed into Lappland, who had suddenly stopped and went as rigid as a wall. She watched as Lappland turned around, and smiled darkly.
Evilly.
"You want to be my friend?" Lappland asked. Exusiai chewed on her lower lip.
"Sure," Exusiai said, honestly, "I think that's a good idea."
"You must not have spoken to Texas about this," Lappland mused.
"Why would I have to tell Texas? She's not my keeper," Exusiai replied, "I'm allowed to have my own friends and do whatever I want…"
Lappland took a step closer. "That is not what I mean. It's not a matter of permission, it's a matter of your safety."
"My safety?" Exusiai asked the question, but she already knew where Lappland was going with this. "There's nothing wrong with having an Infected friend. Not in my book. I'm not like that. You know that."
"It has," Lappland said carefully, "so much less to do with that, than it does the fact… that this is me we're discussing."
"You're not scary to me," Exusiai mumbled, and she regretted saying it as soon as the words left her lips. Lappland's smile changed again, to one of barely muted fury.
Lappland took another step closer. Exusiai took a step back.
"Texas… she tried, once. I showed her the error of her ways," Lappland whispered, cracking her knuckles. Exusiai gulped without meaning to.
"Tried…?" Exusiai asked. She turned her head, and saw that she was right up against a wall, already. They were alone. There was no one else around.
"To fix me. To be my friend. Out of guilt," Lappland added.
"Out of guilt?" Exusiai blinked. "Lappland…I'm sorry. I'm… sorry."
"You're not sorry. Not yet. I'll make you sorry," Lappland promised. She lifted her hand, and Exusiai could only stand there and watch.
"L-Lappland…?" Exusiai's deep red eyes were full of worry.
Lappland pressed her finger against Exusiai's chest, pushing in deeply enough to hurt the red-headed angel. "Stay. Away. From. Me."
Exusiai winced. It felt like Lappland's finger was digging into her, but it was just that — a feeling. She looked down at Lappland's hand, calloused and scarred as it was. An entire past filled with pain and suffering that Exusiai would never be privy to, marked along the Lupo's palms and digits.
And when Exusiai lifted her head — when she looked deep into the deepest, clearest lakes of Lappland's eyes — she could see that the Lupo was trembling. Like she was a breath away from a breakdown.
"I will kill you," Lappland whispered. Her breathing was ragged. She was wholly different from what the Sankta had expected. "Do you, fucking, understand me? Do not put me in that position. I'll kill you. It'll hurt," she warned. Another warning, Exusiai considered. She wasn't following the signs to the exits. This was danger, this was terror that she was looking at. Terror had hatred for a face. Hatred, loathing; a child's panic attack, every broken promise she'd ever heard. The unfortunate truth of the matter is that Lappland was broken, and it was going to get so, so much worse.
Exusiai didn't say anything for a moment. She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears. Lappland stabbing her chest with her forefinger — that sharp, wolfish nail — brought her back to reality, painful as it was to be in.
"How fast would you kill me?" She found herself asking — and she didn't know why.
"Faster than a heartbeat," said Lappland, her chest rising and falling with her own heavy breathing.
Exusiai suddenly wondered if she could move faster than a heartbeat.
"OK?" Lappland asked.
"OK," Exusiai mumbled. She swallowed hard. She looked down at the floor, at her own feet, right in front of Lappland's. And then she saw Lappland's feet turn away, and with it, the sound of light footsteps carrying the White Wolf away from here. And Exusiai stared at her own feet for quite a long time, unmoving… before she reached into her own shirt to clutch at her rosary beads.
A reassuring squeeze; a little prayer. Not for herself, but for the sick and frightened girl that she so very badly wanted to save from this hell.
