Issei Hyoudou : where... where am i? did rias sent me here? what happen-
then it all came to issei in a flashback, his only memory was the pain, asia vanishing in a beam of light and an unsettling cackling of laughter from within the darkness of the giant usb drive. he snaps back to reality with tears on his eyes.
he wipes them away and keeps himself calm.
Issei Hyoudou : i... i remember now... that thing... did it take asia as well? *slowly gets up from the ground standing* and more importantly how did i get here in the middle of the city? *looks around his surroundings* it... it doesn't look like my city though... hey ddraig do you know where we are? ...ddraig?
he looks at his arm and yet ddraig wasn't responding. he couldn't even activate his boosted gear at this time. he was starting to freak out a little.
Issei Hyoudou : hey come on ddraig! now's not the time to prank me here! my friends are in danger and... and... wait...
what did that thing do to him? i remember him telling me to don't leave him...? but everything was turning pitch black around me that i could barely hear what he was trying to say? now that i think about it? where am i really? these buildings look nothing like my city's.
? : HEY!
issei gets jumpscared and falls on the ground.
? : do you mind? some of us are trying to get some rest here!
Issei Hyoudou : uh... *looks at the homeless looking guy in a brown cloak with light green eyes looking at him*
? : what the hell are you looking at bruh?
Issei Hyoudou : s-sorry.. sorry i... i'll leave...
? : yeah you better punk! i the great and amazing bob will karate chop your ass straight to the moon!
Issei Hyoudou : ...um... yeah sure...
issei kept walking out of the city ally and finds himself in a strange new city that was not even his.
Issei Hyoudou : wow... ddraig... in case your awake right now... i don't think we're in kuoh anymore...
he walks around to see there are very strange denizens walking around he sees a group of teletubbies handing out fliers for their cult joinings, waluigi's taco stand and a bunch of goombas and koopas walking around with many toads as well.
Issei Hyoudou : okay this place looks like something out of youtubepoop video. where am i?
he passes through some of the civilians and then bumps into someone as he falls down.
Issei Hyoudou : hey watch it i was-
then issei stoop frozen in fear as he sees a naked brown haired and mustached man standing above him with a spaghetti plate on his private part.
? : hello!
issei screams so loud it alerted some police officers trying to chase the naked italian man.
Cop : STOP BREAKING THE LAW ASSHOLE!
? : mama-me-a!
Cop : we caught ya now! and your accomplice no else!
Issei Hyoudou : accomplice? *looks around* it's just him officer! and oh SATAN DAMN IT I CAN SEE HIS MEAT BALLS! *looks away from the derange indiviual*
Cop : oh is that right pal? then i see you with him?
Issei Hyoudou : woah dude what are you implying? in fact what the hell is wrong with this guy?!
Cop : he was making love to this spaghetti in a pasta shop and alot of people had to call us to take care of it!
Issei Hyoudou : and how am i a part of this?
Cop : i don't know! but since he stop right at you? i would say you were in leagues with him!
Issei Hyoudou : okay that makes no fucking sense at all! i just got here? um at... where ever i am?
Cop : what you been smoking weed? i should've figured you were a stoner!
Issei Hyoudou : i never did drugs in my whole life!
Cop : well... BY ORDER OF THE MUSHROOM CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT! I PLACE YOU BOTH UNDER ARREST!
Issei Hyoudou : mushroom city? w-wait hold up i'm trying to tell ya i'm not with this guy!
Cop : we'll see about that! alright on to the station we go! *grabs issei by his arm*
Issei Hyoudou : GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF ME!
suddnely issei's arm glowed and his boosted gear comes out surprising the officer and the naked wackjob.
Cop : w-what is that? is that some kind of GUN?! *pulls out gun*
Issei Hyoudou : woah woah wait hold up there's no need for-
Cop : STAY BACK YOU CYBORG LOOKING FREAK OT NATURE!
then the naked man grabs issei by the arm and runs off, leaving issei to be forced dragged by the loonatic, the police officer on the other hand pulls out his radio.
Cop : yeah um hey guys, i need back up. lots of it.
with issei, he was being dragged along with the crazy nutjob naked weirdo.
Issei Hyoudou : HEY LET GO OF ME PSYCHO! I ALREADY TOLD THAT COP JERKASS I WASN'T WITH YA!
? : you have did something very illegal, and now your coming with mario for safety!
Issei Hyoudou : and who is mario?!
? : that'sa me BITCH!
Issei Hyoudou : BITCH?!
all of sudden gunshots are heard and he turns around to see in his horror face that a group of police squad cars are chasing after the two of them.
Police Squad Captain : THIS IS THE MUSHROOM CITY POLICE! WE DON'T WANNA HURT YA! JUST SURRENDER AND WE'LL SHOOT YOU DOWN TO THE GROUND!
Issei Hyoudou : hold up don't you mean "just surrender or you'll shoot us down to the ground?"
Police Squad Captain : WE KNOW WHAT WE MEANT!
Issei Hyoudou : damn it! *looks at mario* how in the living hell did you manage to piss off so many cops?
Mario : i'ma love my spaghetti so much, i can't get enough of it!
Issei Hyoudou : AND YOU SHOW YOUR LOVE BY STRIPPING BARE ASS NAKED ON TOP OF IT INFRONT OF PEOPLE?!- well it feels like i'm talking to someone who gets into way more trouble then i would back at kuoh academy...
Police Squad Captain : TURN YOURSELVES IN! MY SON WANTS TO PREFORM POLICE BRUTALITY ON YOUR ASSES!
Issei Hyoudou : YEAH WELL YOU ALL ARE GONNA HAVE TO FIND IT FIRST SHITHEADS!
Police Squad Captain : ...men... bring down... that motherfuckin canons!
Girl Cop : yes sir!
suddenly the police squad cars get out a huge massive canon as issei's eyes were wide open. the canon begins to blast right at them but thankfully mario avoids them and makes sure his new friend isn't hurt from them.
Issei Hyoudou : WHAT THE ACTUALLY FUCK! WHAT KIND OF POLICE FORCE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND USES CANONS ON CIVILIANS?!
Mario : welcome to my world!
Issei Hyoudou : NO SHIT!
the police keep firing their canons at the two, issei was freaking out now more then ever as he couldn't handle this much stress then he was feeling more then ever. suddenly his boosted gear blasts a dragon shot directly at the squad cars blowing up half of the mushroom city police force.
Mario : WOAH! mario's new friend's got megaman powers!
Issei Hyoudou : y-yeah... let's go with that...
mario and issei manages to get away from the police with one of the cops saying.
Girl Cop : sorry sir... but i'm afraid we lost them.
Police Squad Captain : SHIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!
the mushroom city police force were now on the search of issei and mario all while issei goes with him into a warp pipe as the two emerge out and issei hands on his ass.
Issei Hyoudou : ow! damn right on my ass... what the hell kinda passage travel was that?
Mario : thanks for taking down those mean stinkies for mario.
Issei Hyoudou : i... *sighs* yeah sure your welcome. *slowly gets up and walks away*
Mario : *follows issei* hey can i say something to you? listen you were really really something back there. incredible even!
Issei Hyoudou : *groans and looks around* are you talking to- *looks to see mario wasn't around* me?
then as issei turns his head just to get spooked at mario appearing infront of him.
Mario : yes mario was talking about you! you really saved mario's pasta pizza pie back there with those assholes and you blast right at them. you are amazing friend!
Issei Hyoudou : um yeah well now that i saved you from those pigs, why don't you go celebrate your new found freedom with your own friends? hm?
Mario : okie *smiles and rides on his hair* letsa go!
Issei Hyoudou : GET OUTTA MY HAIR MAN! *throws mario aside*
Mario : hello!
issei gets scared again by mario appearing out of no where again.
Issei Hyoudou : okay will ya PLEASE STOP DOING THIS!
Mario : *smiles* no.
Issei Hyoudou : oh my fucking satan... *takes a deep breath* l-look... mario? i appreciate you saving my balls back there against those coppers that were chasing the two of us but i got- *gasps in realization* MY FRIENDS! my comrades! rias... asia...
mario was left confused as to what he was even talking about.
Issei Hyoudou : on second thought maybe you could help me out after all.
Mario : you wanna put your peepee in pasta too?
Issei Hyoudou : yes- NO! no... *keeps his composure in check* i'm looking for my friends. you wouldn't happen to seen some group of people like a girl with red hair for example? or maybe a blonde shy timid girl?
Mario : ...
issei kept waiting for his responds unti he spoke.
Mario : i'm a hungry.
issei facepalm himself out of annoyance.
Issei Hyoudou : what didn't you eat that spaghetti before you defiled it?
Mario : mario loves himself some spaghetti so much~
Issei Hyoudou : too much if ya ask me. *sighs* what am i doing just wasting my time with ya dude. i... i need to find my friends. i need to find out if prez and the others are alright...
Mario : then mario will help you! *throws fist in the air*
Issei Hyoudou : ...i think i'll be fine on my own. so no offense but you could get me into even more trouble then-
a scream was heard.
Issei Hyoudou : what the! where did they scream come from?
Mario : it's the princess!
Issei Hyoudou : princess? wait are you guys devils too?
Mario : devils? mario thinks you talkin coo coo crazy!
Issei Hyoudou : i-i'm talking coo coo crazy?! ME?!
mario grabs issei by the arm as he was being dragged again.
Mario : letsa go save her- um hey what's your name?
Issei Hyoudou : IT'S ISSEI HYOUDOU YOU WHACKJOB AND LET ME GO RIGHT NOW!
Mario : nope! mario will need your help after seeing you taking down those buttholes like that issei, you'll help mario in saving the princess!
Issei Hyoudou : WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!
issei was dragged to a castle where he sees bowser taking the princess of the mushroom kingdom as always.
Bowser : come on girl, you and me are gonna be the best couple ever! if you wanna live in harmony? you're gonna have to marry me!
Princess Peach : in your dreams! and in my nightmares!
Bowser : oh hellll no!
Mario : hey stinky!
Bowser : huh? *looks down from his bubble car* oh it's you again ya stupid fat plumber! oh and who's this? is this another side kick brother only with spiky hair?
Issei Hyoudou : wow fuck you ya crocodile... turtle...dragon thing? i'm sorry what the hell are ya? what the hell is he?
Mario : a motherfucker is what he is!
Issei Hyoudou : yeah so i'm not dealing with any of this madness so i'm gonna take off!
Mario : hey stinky where do you think you're going you piece of shit?
Issei Hyoudou : to go find where my friends are at, i'm too stress to even deal with this kind of... whatever the hell i'm seeing here!
Princess Peach : SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME!
issei looks up to see princess peach and as he looks right at her beautiful appearance. he begins to have lecheous thoughts and fantasizes peach showing off her breasts to him. then he snaps back to reality as he looks at mario.
Issei Hyoudou : s-so that's your princess eh?
Mario : yep, that's her.
Issei Hyoudou : ...i'll save her! *walks over as he blushes and smiles* (damn this princess peach looks hella fine~ i can see why this crazy fat italian plumber dude wants to save her! well not unless i go save her myself! then and only then will i be able to add her to my future harem list~)
Bowser : oh so now you're gonna play hero and try to have her for yourself? don't know why mario would pick some random kid to fight his battles for him? but quite frankly i don't give a damn!
Issei Hyoudou : oh i'm not some ordinary kid, i got alot of tricks up my sleeves then ya know! TODAY YOU ARE FACING AGAINST THE RED DRAGON EMPEROR!
issei tries to get into his balance breaker mode, however he couldn't. he tries again.
Issei Hyoudou : i said TODAY YOU ARE FACING AGAINST THE RED DRAGON EMPEROR!
again nothing happens and then issei realizes something.
Issei Hyoudou : (well shit i forgot! i need to think about boobies to get my balance breaker! man this sucks ass, rias isn't even here to let me poke her tits like last time i had to activate my welsh dragon balance breaker one time... although the princess on the other hand~)
Princess Peach : excuse me but are you planning to save me or not?
Issei Hyoudou : oh! y-yeah... r-right! s-so hey princess peach was it? i need your help in activating my balance breaker.
Princess Peach : how am i gonna be of any use to you?
Issei Hyoudou : so hey bowser if you don't mind just bringing her down?
Bowser : oh but of course not! seriously what do ya take me for?
Princess Peach : for once i agree with bowser.
Bowser : you do? AH HELL YEAH THERE'S STILL HOPE!
Princess Peach : don't push your luck! *looks at issei* now what is this balance breaker?
Issei Hyoudou : well it's kinda a form i take when i... well you just have to come down here just to see me acti-
Princess Peach : just tell me how you activate your balance breaker!
Issei Hyoudou : w-well... i really can't...
Princess Peach : and why not?
Issei Hyoudou : you might not love it-
Mario : oh do you poke your peepee in spaghetti too to achieve this balance breaker?
Issei Hyoudou : ENOUGH WITH THE SPAGHETTI SEX ALREADY! it's... it's not how it works.
Mario : do you consider jacking off to be a sport?
Issei Hyoudou : WHO THE FUCK STARTS ASKING ANOTHER QUESTION LIKE THAT?!
Mario : do you take a piss?
Issei Hyoudou : mario i can't tell you because-
Mario : oh mario knows it now! you have to move your head back n forth ri-
Issei Hyoudou : I HAVE TO TOUCH THE PRINCESS' BREASTS TO ACTIVATE IT OKAY!
issei covers his mouth as he blushes in embarassment as he turns to see princess peach and bowser hearing this.
Issei Hyoudou : ...
Bowser : ...wow...
Princess Peach : ...well bowser, looks like your not the only loser in the mushroom kingdom anymore.
Issei Hyoudou : h-hey come on that's the truth! it's the only way for me to activate my balance breaker! here i'll get closer to you!
Princess Peach : bowser take me away from this perverted stalker!
Bowser : wait are you seri-
Princess Peach : NOW!
Bowser : good enough for me! *smiles and drives away with princess peach* LATER BITCH!
Issei Hyoudou : ...and this is why i didn't want to say anything... okay we'll gonna have to go get her if- huh? *sees mario going into peach's castle* hey where are you going dude?
Mario : mario's got a date with a bowl of spaghetti and meat balls~
Issei Hyoudou : what about saving the princess?
Mario : ah the princess... SHE'S A BITCH! *slams the door infront of him*
Issei Hyoudou : ...alright fine! guess i'll have to be the one who's gotta save her. who knows maybe after i save her she'll have a different opinion on me. *looks at his arm* and i could really use your help more then ever ddraig... if your even awake or hearing me at this point...
issei looks at the cloud tracks from where bowser's bubble car was leaving and got out his devil wings to fly up trying to follow the tracks, of course there were alot of worlds he had to deal with like a giant bullet coming after him, man eating plants coming from the pipes and a sun that really hates anyone who gets in it's way.
it reminded issei about his harsh training with tannin, except far much worser then he could ever imagine. all he could think about while searching for princess peach was the breasts of rias, asia, akeno, xenovia and koneko as they were his only thoughts that have kept him sane for this long.
he kept walking until he was very tired out. he wanted to give up but couldn't since he knows this princess peach is with someone whom she doesn't love at all. then he finally makes it to bowser's castle.
Issei Hyoudou : wow... so this is that dragon gator rex turle thing's home is? his castle even rivals against the gremory manor.
but from the looks of it, it doesn't have any taste of kindness around it at all! and i bet in that castle the princess is force to endure whatever kind of fucked up torture that gator raptor thing has in stores!
in bowser's castle, bowser sets up a dinner date table and gives her a rose. she greatfully takes it and sniffs on it thanking bowser for the kind guesture. then bowser begins to sing an opera song for peach as she found it moving. however it was all ruined when issei bursts down the door and stands right before bowser.
Issei Hyoudou : let her go you DAMN BASTARD! i'll make you wish you never tried having her way with her!
issei musters up his strength and then tries punching bowser in the face, yet to know avail. bowser in return punches issei on the stomach causing the pervert to fall on the ground badly hurt.
Issei Hyoudou : SERIOUSLY DDRAIG?!
Princess Peach : what do you want you degenerant?
Issei Hyoudou : i came to save you!
Bowser : oh? what you gonna do? huh? what you gonna do?
Issei Hyoudou : my powers may not be working for me but here's one thing i could do!
issei grabs a whine bottle and throws it at bowser's face, causing bowser to fall on the ground in pain. issei then grabs peach like a damsel in distress and runs out of the castle, bowser's roar can be heard as issei kept on running holding peach but peach struggled to get off of him.
Princess Peach : let go of me you savage perv! where is mario? why didn't he get out of his fat plumber ass to save me himself?
Issei Hyoudou : good question! maybe you can ask him that when we get back to your kingdom!
then all of a suddenly issei looks behind to see bowser grew big and started chase after them.
Issei Hyoudou : ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME HE CAN GO GIANT?!
Princess Peach : *slaps issei in the face* EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOU IDIOT! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN LATELY?
Issei Hyoudou : trying to save my sister from some cruel selfish high class devil for his own twisted desires! that was until i got grabbed by some monster, almost felt like i was dying and next thing i know i wake up here in this madhouse!
wait! am i dead?! is this where devils go when they die?! is this my own personal hell?!
Princess Peach : ...are you retarded?
Bowser : GIVE ME BACK MY PRINCESS MOTHERFUCKER!
Issei Hyoudou : PHAT CHANCE LIZARD BREATH!
bowser then proceeds to breath out a massive ball of fire right at issei, causing issei to panic even more then ever.
Issei Hyoudou : DDRAIG I COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP MORE THEN EVER! OTHERWISE THE PRINCESS IS DONE FOR!
but then as fear of losing peach to the flame would mean he would be failing at rescuing her, he manages to regain his balance breaker mode and fly up in the air with princess peach freaking the hell out more then ever.
Issei Hyoudou : my... my balance breaker is back... AH FUCK YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT! HEY GODZILLA! TAKE ON MY BLASTS!
bowser looks up at confusion to see issei summoning enough energy to preform a dragon shot.
Issei Hyoudou : TIME FOR YOU TO GO EXSTINCT BITCH!
Princess Peach : WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
Bowser : i just shit my pants!
bowser makes a run for it as he was too much of a coward to deal with someone like issei. issei stops the charge.
Issei Hyoudou : yeah ya better run off pussy!
then all of a sudden issei felt his balance breaker armor acting up and reverts back his normal self. unfortuntely he and peach were still up in the sky as they both pummet on the ground with issei landing head first and peach landing on top of him for safety.
Issei Hyoudou : Ah! shit...
issei slowly gets up as he looks up at peach as she looks right at him.
Issei Hyoudou : s-so... are you alright? (oh yeah i bet i'll get a kiss like i do with the rest of the girls i always rescue from-)
then princess peach gets out a pepper spray and sprays issei's eyes, causing him to scream in pain.
Issei Hyoudou : WHAT THE HELL?! THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR SAVING YOUR LIFE?!
Princess Peach : i didn't need saving from a filthy disgusting pervert like you! *kicks issei on the stomach and walks away* i need to have a long serious talk to that lazy good for nothing lard ass when i return.
issei manages to withstand the pain in his eyes and slowly gets up.
Issei Hyoudou : i... i don't understand this world... when i first saved rias she gave me a kiss so why didn't that same effect worked for me with that princess of the mushroom WHEREVER THE HELL I AM?! ...well... it could get worst... i should go find where my comrades are before-
before issei could continue on. he stopped by the same police squad force from earlier as he was now surrounded.
Cop Son : i can't wait for my first police brutality daddy! *smiles*
Issei Hyoudou : ...fuck...my...life...
issei was later beaten up by the police squad captain's son and sent to the police station.
Issei Hyoudou : ...how did i ever end up in this sistulation? isn't there just one sane person in this world who isn't hating my ass?
suddenly a police officer unlocks the cell bars.
Cop : alright sir, you're free to go. someone cleared your name up from that hole spaghetti shop incident.
Issei Hyoudou : wait... who?
issei walks out of the cell and he stumbles upon who he thinks is mario but this time he was wearing white and blue.
Issei Hyoudou : YOU! MARIO! YOU'RE THE REASON I'M IN THIS MESS! WHY WOULD YOU-
? : woah take it easy you got the wrong guy!
Issei Hyoudou : OH YEAH LIKE I FIND THAT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT YOU AND MARIO WOULD- would... would... be standing together... with the princess... who still have a hate glare for me from eariler...
princess peach was present as she was holding on mario's ear.
Issei Hyoudou : ...what is going on here?
? : my name is SMG4 and this is who you probably already met is mario. the dumbass who got you mixed up in this whole chaotic day.
Issei Hyoudou : i can see that... SMG4? what does that stand for?
SMG4 : beats me.
Issei Hyoudou : ...w-well anyway thanks man...
SMG4 : i believe mario wants to say something to you?
Mario : like hell i do!
princess peach continues pinching his ear.
Mario : ow ow ow ow! fine! mario's sorry i got you involved with my forbidden love with my pasta partner.
Issei Hyoudou : it's fine dude... i mean even though you did get me into a lot and i mean ALOT OF CRAZY SHIT! *keeps calm*
i'm just glad this misunderstanding is settled. so if you don't mind i should probably get-
however princess peach stops him.
Princess Peach : that still doesn't excuse you from any sexural assault charges!
Issei Hyoudou : sexural assault charges?! i did no such thing!
Princess Peach : first you said you wanted to touch my breasts and now you even touched my butt while you were holding me off against my will!
Issei Hyoudou : WOAH OKAY NOW YOUR JUST TWISTING EVERYTHING THAT WENT DOWN THAT DAY! I WAS ACTUALLY TRYING TO SAVE YOUR BITCHY ASS BECAUSE YOU WERE ABOUT TO BE WED TO THIS DRAGON CROC THING THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Princess Peach : WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
SMG4 : okay so about the first part she mentioned? did you really wanted to touch her boobies?
Mario : boooobies.
Issei Hyoudou : ...uh... well i... *sighs* yes... i did... b-but i have a pretty good explaination for this!
Princess Peach : you know i should be telling the police about what you wanted to do to my breasts.
Issei Hyoudou : please don't!
Princess Peach : if... you agree to work out your debt.
Issei Hyoudou : m-my debt?
Princess Peach : i think we can both agree mario can't work for shit! but you did save my life, however it's not good enough.
if you truly wish not to be punished for your deprived sexural predatory crimes.
Issei Hyoudou : i'm not a predator!
SMG4 : could've fooled me.
Issei Hyoudou : who's side are you on?!
Princess Peach : you will have to work as my bodyguard for the rest of your days and make sure bowser does not come anywhere near at me. if you serve your purpose well. then i will release you of your punishment.
Issei Hyoudou : ...*sighs* you really need someone capable of looking after you is that it?
Princess Peach : yes. that is it.
she gave him a smug smile as issei had now grown an intense hatred for the spoiled princess of the mushroom kingdom. however he didn't want to cause any more trouble then he had before and with his balance breaker acting up he can't go on his own to find his allies.
he sighs in defeat.
Issei Hyoudou : very well.
Princess Peach : very well?
Issei Hyoudou : ...very well princess peach... when do we start?
Princess Peach : *smiles* that's more like it. now let us go.
Issei Hyoudou : wait what about mario? is he gonna go to jail after this crazy spaghetti shit that went down?
SMG4 : this is not the first time peach had to bail him out.
Issei Hyoudou : ah okay that makes sense now.
issei was following peach, mario and smg4 into the castle home, where smg4 set up a bed for issei to sleep on.
SMG4 : here, you can rest here since you'll be staying here for a while.
Issei Hyoudou : don't remind me...
SMG4 : so... see ya in the morning then.
Issei Hyoudou : yeah... see ya...
smg4 just leaves the depressed issei alone in his new living arrangement as issei sits on his bed and looks at his arm, wondering on what had happen and why it wear off his balance breaker mode. he tries activating his boosted gear but to no avail.
Issei Hyoudou : ddraig...? you still in there?
no responds. issei sighs.
Issei Hyoudou : guess i'm on my own for now on...
smg4 and mario look through the keyhole of issei's room as they look at each other.
SMG4 : so where did you find him?
Mario : don't know? but mario knows one thing! me and issei are gonna get along just fine! *smiles at the idea of having a new best friend*
SMG4 : somehow i doubt that...
