Fate/Kyon's Order: The Return
A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover
by Derald Snyder
Part 5: Alter Tours Chaldea
Thanks to Kyon's quick thinking (and running himself ragged), the original Artoria was made aware of the situation well before she and her alter came face-to-face. Thus, she was able to keep herself composed when she and her blackened self made eye contact, Haruhi standing behind Saber Alter with a look of guilt and remorse on her face.
"Well," Alter began, "if it isn't my weaker counterpart."
"You are mistaken," Artoria replied calmly. "It is you are the weak one, for allowing your heart to be consumed by darkness."
"No, you are the weak one for holding back your power," Alter retorted. "If not for that, you would not have perished at the Battle of Camlann..."
"The people needed a king, not a tyrant," Artoria countered. "You are no better than Vortigern, who my father deposed long ago."
"Vortigern was a fool," Alter responded. "He allowed his power to consume him utterly, becoming a ravenous dragon in all but appearance. I am still Artoria Pendragon in heart and soul."
"I have memories of the timeline where I was corrupted by the Grail," Artoria stated. "I became nothing more than a pawn of Anra Mainiiu, dedicated to the destruction of all life. Surely you remember that as well."
"Anra Mainiiu no longer has any influence over me," Alter shook her head. "You should know that as well, due to the method of this summoning..."
"Yo, my ears are burning! Someone talkin' about me?" A servant materialized from spirit form, looking like a shirtless Emiya Shirou with a red headband and black tattoos all over his body and face. "Hey, if it isn't Black Saber! Long time no see, huh?"
"You... Shirou?!" Alter said in confusion.
"Not quite," another voice spoke up, Archer Emiya walking up from behind Artoria, sans jacket. "Avenger here decided to pretend to be me for a four-day time loop some time back..."
"...So you were Shirou all along," Alter mused. "I should have guessed. Are you involved with my other self?"
"As a matter of fact, I am," Emiya confirmed, wrapping an arm around Artoria's waist. "I proposed to her just the other day, actually." Artoria blushed deeply at this.
"...I see. I wish I could have had a relationship with you, but this fool," she pointed to Anra Mainiiu, "precluded that from ever happening. For what it is worth, I hold no grudge from you teaming up with Rider to defeat me..."
"Um, which Rider was that, again?" Haruhi spoke up.
"You'd know her as Medusa. The tall, sexy one with pink hair," Anra Mainiiu said with a perverted grin.
"Oh, right. Kyon's good friends with her," Haruhi nodded. "Speaking of which, where is Kyon?"
"Well, he was completely out of breath trying to warn me about her," Artoria nodded toward Alter, "so Irisviel decided to tend to him."
"Irisviel von Einzbern? She is here as well?" Alter said incredulously.
"Oh yeah, the whole family's pretty much here," Emiya nodded. "Illya, the old man, even Taiga. Oh, and Chloe, too. You don't know her, she's from a completely different timeline where Illya kinda split in two or something."
"Oh yeah, Chloe! I heard she's quite the kisser!" Anra Mainiiu chuckled with a glint in his eye.
"You get anywhere close to her..." Emiya cautioned.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, you'll go all Unlimited Blade Works and skewer me with a hundred swords," the avenger waved him off. "I may be evil and lustful, but I'm not stupid. I know where I stand on the food chain- the very bottom."
"...are you truly so weak without the power of the Grail?" Alter raised an eyebrow.
"Oh yeah, weaker than weak! I'm good at killing humans, but servants, eh, I pretty much lose right away," Anra Mainiiu shrugged. "I think that's part of the reason they keep me around despite bein' All Of The World's Evils and all..."
"I see. In that case..." Alter suddenly cracked her knuckles. "I shall now take my vengeance for you corrupting me into your pawn and turning me against my Master. Prepare yourself."
"Uh..." the avenger took a step back. "Can't we, like, discuss this like human beings?"
"You are no longer human, and neither am I," Alter countered as she marched towards him.
"Eh-heh... good point," Anra Mainiiu was now sweating profusely. "Yo, new Master, a little help here?"
"Nah, sounds like you're getting what's coming to you," Haruhi shrugged with a small smile. "Just try not to kill him outright, okay Saber?"
"Understood. I shall simply make him wish he was dead..."
And so the hallways echoed with the sounds of the weak avenger's screams...
*Shortly afterwards...*
"I wish you would have let me know before you sicced your servant on that guy," Kyon said as he, Haruhi and Artoria Alter walked down the hallway. "I thought your new Saber had gone berserk or something..."
"I do not go berserk," Alter shot back. "I am in full control of my actions."
"Well, that's good to hear. At least now I won't have to worry about you spontaneously chopping my head off," Kyon snarked back.
"You may have to worry about your tongue being cut out if you don't watch your mouth," Alter stated.
"No no, no maiming my fiancee," Haruhi shook her head. "If he crosses the line, I administer the penalty. That's been the rule since high school."
"Oh yeah," Kyon nodded. "She can get pretty creative when she puts her mind to it, believe me..."
"Fine then," Alter assented. "Now then, I have noticed several servants wearing casual clothes. I request that you procure a wardrobe for me as well."
"Off to the Clothing Department, then," Kyon said, making an abrupt turn down another hallway. "Just be warned, the Caster from your second Grail War helps run the place..."
"The Witch of Betrayal? I shall be on my guard, then," Alter affirmed.
"Eh, Medea's actually mellowed out a fair bit, from what I can see," Haruhi noted. "Though, she does seem to have a slight... obsession with your other self."
"All the more reason to be wary," the blackened Saber nodded...
*Clothing Department*
"Hello! Welcome to the new, remodeled Stitch Witches!" Medea greeted happily. "Oh, Saber! Have you finally agreed to try on some of the cute clothes I've made for you? ...Wait a minute, you're not the same Artoria," the caster's face shifted to one of concern. "Your soul is steeped in darkness..."
"Nevertheless, I will have a look at your wares, Caster," Alter stated evenly. "Keep in mind that I have exacting standards..."
"Oh, don't worry! I assure you, our clothing is of the very highest quality!" Medea asserted. "Right this way!" She led the trio to a side room, the witch sliding open the door. "Ta-da! My finest collection of Artoria outfits! Go on, pick whatever suits your fancy!"
"Uh, wow," Haruhi noted upon seeing the maid outfits, frilly dresses, and other cute clothes with pictures of Artoria taped to the mannequin's heads.
"This is... slightly disturbing," Saber Alter muttered, her eye twitching.
"I agree," Kyon nodded. "Medea, you've been doing this in your spare time? I mean, I guess it's better than curses or dark magic, but..."
"Don't you like them? I worked extra hard on all of these!" Medea said proudly.
Alter was silent as she walked up to one particularly frilly dress. "...In that case, Caster, all of your work was wasted." With that, she grabbed the dress and began tearing it to shreds!
"Wh- AHHHH! What are you doing?!" Medea screeched.
"I'm doing a favor for myself and my counterpart," Alter asserted, walking over to the maid outfit and ripping that up as well! "Neither of us would be caught dead wearing these!"
"NO! Stop! You can't do this!" Medea pleaded.
"I can and I will." (RIIIIIIP!)
"NOOOOOO!" Medea fell to her knees in despair, tears running down her face.
"Enough! Saber, by my command spell, you will desist!" Haruhi ordered, one of the marks fading from her hand. Immediately Alter's arms went limp, a half-torn dress sliding to the ground. Medea promptly crawled over and cradled said dress as if it were a dying child...
"You... side with Caster?" Alter spoke in disbelief.
"Not necessarily, but you went too far!" Haruhi asserted. "And now comes your penalty!"
"And what penalty would that be?" the black Saber asked... only for her eyes to widen as Haruhi picked up one of the torn dresses, closing her eyes, the dress then suddenly repaired as if it had never been torn. She then opened her eyes again, a sinister smile spreading over her face... "No. NO. You wouldn't..."
"Oh, I would," Haruhi grinned, walking toward her servant...
*Salon de Marie*
"Oh, my!" Nero exclaimed as she beheld Artoria Alter walk in with Haruhi. "What a beautiful dress you're wearing! The only thing that could improve upon it is if I were wearing such a thing!"
"If not for Master, I would gladly let you wear it..." Alter groaned, blushing deeply as she tried not to look down at the pink frilly dress with yellow highlights that currently adorned her. Several others also complimented her as they walked by, her embarrassment increasing by the minute... "This is humiliating...!"
"Yeah, that's the point," Haruhi said with a smug smile. "You know, if you had just told her off, maybe just knocked over one of the mannequins, I wouldn't have done anything. But you reduced her to a sobbing mess! That crossed the line! I'm sure Kyon agrees with me..." He had stayed behind to help Medea reorganize her collection after Haruhi had repaired the clothes.
"Agrees with you on what, Suzumiya-san?" Haruhi looked back to see Koizumi walk up behind them. "Ah, I didn't realize your servant liked such frilly clothing..."
"I don't," Alter growled, "this is my penalty for rightfully tearing up Medea's dresses for my counterpart."
"So, how did 'you-know-what' go?" Haruhi inquired, lowering her voice.
"Ah, nothing I couldn't handle," Koizumi smiled, realizing she was referring to the closed space. "Nothing to worry about."
"Well, okay," Haruhi said. "Just remember, you can get Yuki to help if you're overwhelmed..."
"I shall keep that in mind," the esper nodded. "That being said, I am a little famished. Shall we get something to eat?"
"I want a burger," Alter spoke up.
"Alright, let's go sit down," Haruhi agreed, looking for an empty table...
*After ordering their food...*
"Are you sure you can eat that, Artoria-san?" Koizumi eyed the triple-decker bacon cheeseburger sitting before the dark King of Knights.
"If she's anything like her counterpart, it'll be nothing to her," Haruhi mused, she and Koizumi having ordered traditional Japanese dishes. Sure enough, Alter grabbed the burger and devoured it messily, polishing it off in under a minute!
"Oh my," Koizumi raised his eyebrows. "I stand corrected." Just then, the sound of haughty laughter drew his attention...
"Oh no..." Alter grimaced, "As if this day could not get worse..." Sure enough, Gilgamesh walked up to the table dressed in a white dress shirt and black slacks. Beside him was an androgynous individual with a feminine face framed by long green hair, dressed in white t-shirt and loose-fitting black denim jeans.
"So, you are the dark Artoria I have heard so much about!" Gil exclaimed. "You are just as lovely as your counterpart, especially in such a dress!" Alter just thumped her head on the table in exasperation.
"You're not thinking of making this one your bride, are you?" Haruhi asked, her tone implying a subtle warning. "She's my servant, after all..."
"Well, seeing as your servant self gained my respect in the Babylonia singularity, I shall defer trying to proposition this one," Gilgamesh replied.
"Yes, Gil told me all about what happened," his green-haired companion nodded. "You have my thanks for assisting him when I could not..."
"You must be Enkidu, then," Haruhi deduced. "That Kingu that took your body in the singularity was a nasty piece of work, even if he came around in the end."
"So I have heard," Enkidu nodded. "Actually, that is related to the reason we are here..."
"Enkidu's been having some strange dreams lately," Gilgamesh took over. "However, being a weapon of the gods, Enkidu shouldn't have the ability to dream, which makes me think this is something else."
"So what exactly what does this dream entail?" Koizumi asked.
"I see... the Lahmu," Enkidu began, "a small group of them, apparently guarding something... and I hear a voice crying for help... it sounds as if whoever it is is trying to communicate with me directly..."
"Maybe it's Kingu?" Haruhi mused. "I mean, sure, he sacrificed himself to slow down Tiamat so Ereshkigal could dump her into the Underworld, but..."
"You think some part of him survived," Gil finished.
"Right."
"I'm afraid you've lost me," Koizumi sighed. "I only got a very generalized summary of what occurred from Suzumiya-san and Kyon-kun..."
"I'll fill you in later," Haruhi promised.
"Well, that isn't what concerns me," Gilgamesh stated. "It's the fact that the Lahmu exist at all. They all should have perished when Tiamat was killed and sealed away..."
"You think there might be a remnant of the Beast as well," Haruhi realized. "Yeah... not good. Okay, so you want me and Saber to come with you back to Babylonia and check it out, right?"
"I agree," Alter swiftly spoke up, "anything to get out of this humiliating attire..."
"Ah, by the way, is there a nickname we could use to differentiate you from the original Artoria Pendragon?" Koizumi interrupted. "I know that Jeanne Alter is called Joan by most here..."
"Fair enough," the blackened saber consented. "In that case... call me Artesia."
"Artesia it is," Haruhi nodded. "Alright, let us finish eating, and then we'll contact Da Vinci to Rayshift us back there... in the meantime, how about telling Koizumi-kun about what happened?"
"I suppose I could do that, if this mongrel is a close friend of yours," Gilgamesh agreed.
"Well, let us get comfortable," Enkidu said as he pulled up to chairs for Gil and himself.
*To be continued...*
