Fate/Kyon's Order: The Return

A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover

by Derald Snyder

Part 10: Artesia's Morning

Artesia looked over her new attire in the mirror, a black, long sleeved blouse and a black skirt that partially covered a white frilly underskirt, with matching pantyhose and flat black slippers. (At least Caster didn't make it too frilly this time,) she mused to herself. Hopefully being dressed more casually would encourage others to not have their guard up around her all the time, her current Master included. (Of course, I still want to prove my superiority over my counterpart, but that can wait until more people have gotten more comfortable in my presence...) Some, like Nero, had accepted her right away, while others were more antagonistic, especially that Joan character... (Why does she call me 'ice queen bitch' all the time? Something with a recent singularity where I was summoned, although I don't remember that at all...) Shaking her head, Artesia put those thoughts out of her mind, turning and exiting her room.

It was time to awaken her Master, after all.

*Kyon and Haruhi's Room*

(BAM BAM BAM) "Master, it is time to wake up!" (BAM BAM BAM) "If you do not respond, I will use Excalibur Morgan to break the door down!"

"Ahhh, wait a minute! We're not decent!" Kyon's panicked voice echoed.

"...Five minutes," Artesia said after a moment, taking a step back. She was mildly amused at hearing her Master and her lover's freaked voices as they hurried to get dressed... four minutes later, the door slid open, revealing a slightly disheveled Haruhi Suzumiya. "Good morning, Master."

"Artesia..." the brunette sighed in annoyance as she worked her trademark headband into her hair. "You do realize yesterday was Valentine's Day..."

"Yes, and I gave a chocolate burger to Fujimaru, seeing as you were exchanging gifts with Kyon," the saber deadpanned. "What does that have to do with getting up on time?"

"Well, you know, maybe the fact that we were getting busy last night? In bed?" Kyon called as he pulled on his uniform shirt.

"...oh." Artesia looked down at this. "I suppose that's a fair point... but still, as a Master, you need to exercise discipline, such as a morning routine. Since you are technically the oldest of Chaldea's three current Masters, you must set a good example for the other two..."

"Right, right," Haruhi sighed as she tied a yellow ribbon on one side of her head. "So off to breakfast, then?"

"Yes, and after that, a summoning attempt," Artesia said. "The last supply sortie generated enough saint quartz for three summons, one for each Master."

"Sounds good," her Master nodded. "Okay, off to the Salon de Marie!"

*Salon de Marie*

"Good morning, Shirou," Artesia greeted Emiya, who had swapped out his jacket for a 'Kiss the Cook' apron.

"Morning... Artesia, was it?" Getting a nod in response, the archer continued, "So what'll it be for breakfast today?"

"A tall stack of pancakes with strawberry syrup," Artesia replied.

"Just scrambled eggs and toast," Kyon said.

"Biscuits and gravy," Haruhi added. "...what's that look for, Kyon? I gotta keep my energy up for my servant's sake!"

"You mean so you can deal with her attitude?" Kyon snarked.

"What attitude? All I did was ensure you got up on time," Artesia snapped.

"Right, right, I'll get right on that order," Emiya cut in. "Save your arguments until after you eat, okay? You can probably think better on a full stomach."

"Of course, Shirou," the blackened saber concurred. "But first..." She went up to Emiya and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Just following your apron's slogan."

"Uh, right," the archer blushed, quickly making his exit. "You really are Saber..."

And so the trio sat at a booth together, waiting for their food... "Morning, Gawain!" Haruhi greeted the Knight of the Round as he walked by.

"Well met, Sir Gawain," Artesia also spoke.

"Ah... good morning to you... um, how should I address you?" the blonde knight stuttered, instinctively shifting to his battle armor.

"Just Artesia is fine. I know your loyalty lies with my counterpart, since she has resided here for far longer than I... That being said, I would hope that you would not see me as an enemy... though blackened, I am still Artoria Pendragon at heart."

"It's probably hard for him to see that, given your default expression is 'death glare'," Kyon deadpanned.

"I am aware of that. That is why I am wearing more casual clothes today," Artesia retorted.

"It does seem to take the edge off your, ah, image a bit," Gawain said. "Well, I must ask, what intentions do you have with my liege? I saw you sneaking that kiss to her betrothed..."

"Please. His apron said 'Kiss the Cook'. And as for my counterpart, I desire to prove my superiority over her... but despite what you may think, simply disarming her in a fencing match would be enough to satisfy me. Perhaps you could help arrange such a match sometime..."

"I'll, uh, I'll see what I can do," Gawain nodded. "I only ask that you do not go on a rampage when you are defeated..."

"When?" Artesia raised an eyebrow. "Are you truly so confident in my counterpart's victory?"

"With all due respect, my liege overcame an alternate self far more powerful than yourself," Gawain countered. "Compared to that Lion King, you are naught but a house cat in comparison- capable of leaving scratches, but easily overcome regardless."

"We shall see about that," Artesia replied calmly. "...ah, it seems the food has arrived. Leave us to eat in peace, Sir Gawain."

"Of course. Have a good day, Master, John Smith. ...Artesia," the knight bowed, taking his leave as Tamamo walked up with plates of food on a tray.

"All right, pancakes for you..." Tamamo set down a stack of pancakes at least a foot and a half tall in front of Artesia. "Scrambled eggs for you... and biscuits and gravy for Master!"

"You can call me by name, you know," Haruhi said as she unwrapped the napkin from her utensils.

"Well, part of it is to keep from calling you fellow goddess, like I did with your servant self," the kitsune replied. "Though, I'm more of an avatar than an actual goddess these days..."

"Indeed, I had heard that Tamamo-no-mae was a bit more vindictive than you seem to be," Koizumi said as he walked up. "Ah, good morning, Suzumiya-san, Kyon-kun. And Saber as well."

"Mm-hmm," Artesia grunted as she wolfed down a pancake like it was a cookie. A small amount of strawberry syrup was smeared around her lips, giving the impression of a lion devouring it's prey.

"Morning, Koizumi!" Haruhi smiled. "Hope I didn't keep you up last night..."

"Well, fortunately Nagato-san's room is far enough from yours that I don't feel the effects of your, ah, loving too much," the esper responded. "Though I do admit to having a very naughty dream involving Tachibana-san..." This drew a snicker from Haruhi.

"So wait, are you linked with her mentally somehow?" Tamamo asked.

"In a manner of speaking. It's a bit complicated to explain, however," Koizumi deferred. "To keep it simple, I have psychic powers, but only very specific crises call for their release. I'm about as normal as any human otherwise. But back to my earlier question, Tamamo-san..."

"Oh, well... I was pretty petty and vindictive in life, and even when I was first summoned into a Holy Grail war," Tamamo admitted. But my second Master was someone who treated me well without prejudice, and I fell head over heels for him. My time with that Master was the best time and memories I've ever had... so I've done my best to to act as a good housewife, even after I was summoned here..."

"Even though he was my Master first?" a certain haughty voice spoke up, Nero soon joining the group. "You tried to steal my Praetor from me, fox caster!"

"He loved me, Red Saber," Tamamo shot back dispassionately. "We even made love together!"

"So did we!" Nero countered.

"We did it first!" Tamamo yelled.

"You did not! And he loved me more!"

"Then why did he bother with me?! You clearly weren't good enough!"

"Alright, alright, ladies, that's enough," Koizumi forced himself between the two. "Tamamo-san, don't you need to get back to the kitchen?"

"Ah! Y-yes, that's right!" the kitsune grunted, picking up the empty tray. "We'll settle this discussion later, empress!" With that, she left and headed back to the kitchen.

"We most certainly will!" Nero called after him. "Ah, I apologize for the loss of decorum there. Fox Caster and I competed over my Praetor all the time. Even now, we still argue over whom he loved more..."

"That must have been interesting for him," Kyon muttered. "I'm assuming this didn't stop the two of you from working together when the chips were down..."

"Of course not! We knew enough to set aside our differences when necessary! For the most part, anyway..."

"If you are finished, empress, would you leave us to eat in peace?" Artesia said bluntly, her stack of pancakes now half its former size.

"Oh, how rude!" Nero scoffed. "How your Master deals with you, I'll never understand! Fine, then, I shall return to my fellow Romans!" Sticking her nose in the air, the saber turned on her foot and departed, missing Artesia wincing from the insult.

"...you could have been a little more polite, Artesia-san," Koizumi commented.

"...Master, I've been meaning to ask you something," Artesia looked Haruhi in the eye. "Somehow, I don't think it's just because of my looks that you distrust me. I remember that when I was first summoned, your face was one of recognition... like meeting someone you'd hoped to never see again. So let me be blunt: have we met before?"

"...Well, yes and no. I mean, in a minor singularity, another 'me' summoned you into a Holy Grail War that never should've happened," Haruhi expounded. "And I, in the proper history, was kinda disturbed that I summoned an 'evil' King Arthur... you would think I would summon someone whose personality was a bit more like mine. You know, inquisitive and upbeat."

"I dunno, one Haruhi was difficult enough to deal with back in the day," Kyon snarked.

"Shut up, Kyon. And Koizumi, stop snickering over there."

"...I see. Well, at least now I understand the context," Artesia mused as she devoured another pancake. "Yet, have I been anything but loyal to you, Master?"

"Well, you haven't tried to turn your sword on me or anything, so points for that," Haruhi admitted. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I hope the next servant I summon has a better disposition..."

"...You had better hope that they don't end up being a wolf in sheep's clothing," Artesia cautioned. "At least with me, what you see is what you get."

"Well, I'm sure there's other servants who could see through such a deception," Koizumi pointed out. "It's strange how so many different people from history manage to congregate together here, some of whom were rivals or bitter enemies in life..."

"There's been a few rough spots, but for the most part, we've managed to avoid any major destruction," Kyon said. "Kind of surprising, really. Especially with the Berserkers... for example, Spartacus hates oppressors, but Boudica, having been oppressed herself, usually manages to keep him reined in. On a related note, Boudica herself has chosen not to pursue her grudge against Emperor Nero for destroying her home and family back in the day... Actually, I heard they kinda-sorta apologized to each other during the final battle with Goetia..."

"...Fascinating. And it is clear the summoned Knights of the Round have put their past sins and misunderstandings behind them, and united under their king once more. Even Mordred seems to have come around, as unbelievable as that may be."

"You been spying on them, Artesia?" Haruhi teased.

"Of course I would be interested in how my former subjects are faring," the saber muttered, scarfing down a pancake. "Not that I expect them to accept me, given Sir Gawain's disposition just now."

"Well, seeing their king consumed by darkness would obviously give them pause at the very least," Koizumi postulated. "Of course, who could say how different this King Arthur is from the other one... what do you think, Kyon-kun?"

"Well... actually, they don't seem all that different, except this one is, to put it in Haruhi's words, kind of a jerk."

"Hmph," Artesia grunted as she chowed down the last of her pancake stack. "Well, let's just hope that any servant Master summons doesn't rub me the wrong way... I want it to be someone I can work with."

"Guess we'll see what happens," Haruhi shrugged.

*To be continued...*