Fate/Kyon's Order: The Return
A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover
by Derald Snyder
Part 11: More New Arrivals
"Hello, and welcome to Finis Chaldea!" Da Vinci greeted the two new arrivals, Yuki and Mash flanking her sides. "Given your attire, you're clearly combat-tailored mages... To what do we owe this honor?"
"Bazett McFremitz," the woman with short purple hair introduced herself. "And this is Kairi Sisigou," she indicated the punker beside her. "When the Clock Tower received the report that some powerful force absconded with your A-Team, they sent us to bolster Chaldea's defenses in case of attack."
"So they came to the same conclusion we did," Da Vinci mused. "Well, not that we don't welcome more help... in fact, we were going to try to summon another servant or two today."
"Try? So it don't always work?" Kairi spoke up, raising an eyebrow as he took a drag from his cancer stick.
"It's pretty random," the genius caster nodded. "Even with a catalyst, it doesn't always pan out. Sometimes we even get things like mapo tofu or nutcracker toys." This drew a chuckle from the biker.
"Well, we're also here to try and help settle disputes between servants," Bazett said. "I'm surprised such a large group of Heroic Spirits hasn't torn itself apart with in-fighting."
"Well, when you're fighting to save all of humanity..." Da Vinci said with a shrug and a smile. "We do have a dedicated team of Peacekeepers to resolve disputes before they get out of hand, but as I said, any additional help is welcome. Oh, but where are my manners? This is Mash Kyrielight, and this is Yuki Nagato."
"Ah, the alien," Kairi nodded. "Huh... is that your real body, or a disguise?"
"It is not a disguise," Yuki responded. "This body is artificially constructed, but indistinguishable from any other human. A DNA test would reveal nothing out of the ordinary."
"So your kind is incorporeal?" Bazett guessed.
"Correct. But that is all I am willing to explain at this time. Trust is earned, not given," Yuki said neutrally.
"True, and it goes both ways," Bazett concurred. "I sure as hell didn't trust Sisigou here when we first met, but after a few scuffles together..."
"Yeah, we've come to an understanding of sorts," Kairi nodded. "So, you gonna show us around a little before the summoning?"
"Certainly... but I'll have to ask you to extinguish that cigarette before you come in," Mash instructed. "It's a no-smoking facility, save a few select areas."
"Oh, fine," the biker grunted as he flicked the ash off his cancer stick, storing the stub in his breast pocket. "Well, let's go, then..."
*Mission Control*
"So this's the command room, huh?" Kairi looked around. "Man, talk about high-tech! I'm surprised the Association's willing to allow this!"
"Well, the founder financed most of this endeavor himself," Da Vinci stated. "Miss Nagato has helped make some improvements to the systems, within realistic parameters, as she puts it."
"So you can really time-travel?"
"Well, it's not quite the same thing," Da Vinci demurred. "We can't just time-travel to wherever we please, only to a place where history has been corrupted and needs to be fixed. It usually requires the approval of both the UN and the Mage's Association, but seeing as they didn't exist for a year..."
"So you're in hot water, sounds like," Kairi nodded thoughtfully. "Hey, I mean, personally I've got no problem with what you guys did, I mean, we wouldn't even be here right now if not for that, right?"
"There's been talk of shutting this place down once any remaining threats have been dealt with," Bazett cut in. "Though, I heard of one prominent successor to a Clock Tower Lord wanting to buy this place for himself, but that's just a rumor at the moment."
"I heard it was someone from the Musik family," Kairi added.
"Oh dear," Da Vinci sighed, "I've heard some bad things about the family head..."
"Nah, actually, his son ain't nearly so bad from what I've heard," the biker countered. "Completely useless as a magus, though."
"No point in pointless speculating at the moment," Mash said. "Anyway, let me introduce you to some of the workers here. This one is Dustin, he's a normal human. This is Sylvia, you might know her from the Clock Tower..."
"I've never met them before, though I've heard of Bazett," Sylvia answered. "Apparently you've got a Noble Phantasm of your very own..."
"Yes, but it only works in specific circumstances," Bazett nodded. "So, uh... Do you have any Celtic legends here?"
"Of course. We have Fergus mac Roich, Queen Medb, and even Cu Chulainn."
"Really?! ...(ahem) Well, do you know where the males are at, then?" Bazett tried to curb her enthusiasm, Kairi chuckling knowingly.
"I don't know for sure," Sylvia shrugged. "You could try Fantasia Resort..."
"Wait, seriously?! They actually made an underground beach resort?!" Kairi jumped in.
"Yes, but you'll have to wait to check it out," Da Vinci answered. "It's almost time for the summoning, after all."
"With all due respect, is that really necessary?" Bazett inquired. "You would think you'd have more than enough forces already..."
"Well, for one, our newest Master only has one proper servant to her name, and they don't seem to get along that well," Da Vinci noted. "I'm hoping this time she'll summon a servant whom she'll get along with better..."
"For what it's worth, Artesia-san has been loyal to Suzumiya-san, despite her personality," Yuki spoke up.
"Yes, she seems to be acclimating to Chaldea quite well," Mash nodded. "Anyway, let's head to the Summoning Chamber..."
*And so, a short time later...*
"Alright, so who's going first this time?" Ritsuka asked his fellow Masters, as they stood before the Summoning Chamber.
"Well, Gudako went first last time, so this time it should be me, then Fujimaru, then Gudako," Haruhi suggested. "It's only fair, right Gudako?"
"...well, okay, sure," the redhead nodded, sticking her hands in her pockets. "You know what they say: save the best for last!" A light rumble of laughter arose from the staff.
"Spunky girl," Kairi chuckled. "She the one the alien saved?"
"Yes, though I can do nothing about her mental trauma," Yuki stated.
"Alright, the chamber's ready," Nikola Tesla announced. "You're up, Miss Suzumiya."
"Alright, here we go," Haruhi said, walking up and grasping the lever... "Any newcomers miiiight wanna cover their eyes..." Bazett promptly did so, while Sisigou just adjusted his sunglasses. With that, she pulled the lever, watching as the orbs spun and collapsed into a beam of prana shooting into the ceiling... the light then faded, revealing a young woman with dark blue hair and dressed in a nun's habit without the head covering, her red eyes having no light in them. "Hello, and welcome to Chaldea! I ask of you, are you my servant?"
"Yare yare, you just had to do it..." Kyon sighed and facepalmed at the reversal of the usual formality, causing Kairi and a few others to chuckle.
"Hello... My name is Asagami Fujino," the woman replied in a soft voice. "My class is Archer... is that correct? Yes, I think so..."
"Well, I don't see a bow or gun anywhere," Haruhi observed.
"Actually... I have this supernatural power that can twist objects, like a magic trick..."
"You're an esper?!" Haruhi shouted excitedly, causing Asagami to wince and rear back. "Uh... (ahem) S-sorry about that... I just have a heightened interest in espers, aliens, and time travelers... part of the reason I joined here, actually."
"Oh... I see," Asagami nodded. "Well, hopefully we can get along, then..." She took a few steps forward, before abruptly clutching her side and falling to her knees... "Ah... so that condition afflicts me here as well..."
"What condition?" Haruhi asked as she knelt beside the servant.
"Appendicitis... it afflicted me for most of my early life... but that was also when my powers were at their strongest..."
"So it's like Okita Souji and her tuberculosis, then," Artesia spoke up.
"Oh yeah, lemme introduce you to my other servant, Artesia," Haruhi said as she helped Fujino to her feet. "Don't let the dark clothes and death glare spook you too much..."
"I don't scare that easily..." Asagami shook her head. "As a matter of fact, I love horror movies... the bloodier the better."
"...um, okay then," Haruhi said after a moment. "Well, let's get you settled in first, and then we'll see about movies, okay?" She gently helped the esper walk out of the chamber so Ritsuka could take his turn.
"Master, I fear this... esper might not be very reliable on deployment, given her affliction," Artesia spoke again. "We should restrict her to supply sorties for the time being..."
"Well, I'll be the judge of that," Haruhi replied fairly. "Anyway, Fujimaru-san, your turn."
"Alright, here I go," Ritsuka nodded, waiting until the saint quartz were loaded before pulling the lever... but alas, a familiar item instead made it's presence known once more. "Oh great... another bowl of spicy mapo tofu."
"I'll take that," Artesia asserted. "I have a bet to settle with Master and Kyon." Ritsuka promptly took the bowl and handed it over to the blackened saber.
"Wait until we're done here before you start eating it," Kyon cautioned.
"OK, my turn, finally!" Gudako exclaimed as she skipped up to the lever. "Let's hope I don't get a junk item!" once the chamber was ready, she threw the lever, a beam of prana shooting into the ceiling! "Whoo-hoo! Three-for-three for me!"
"You must have the devil's luck," Kyon snarked as the light faded, revealing a woman with pink hair and... cat ears? "Wait, Tamamo...?!"
"Yep! Tamamo Cat, that's me!" the new arrival exclaimed, wearing a red kimono in contrast to the original's blue. "I'm an alter ego of Tamamo-no-mae with a little Berserker mixed in! Nice to meet you, Master!"
"Nice to meet you too!" Gudako grinned as they shared an enthusiastic double-handed handshake. "I can tell you're gonna be lots of fun!"
"...strange how she didn't become a memorial essence," Artesia observed. "I wonder what the original will think of this..."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" The crowd turned to see none other than the original Tamamo, staring with disbelief at her counterpart.
"Oh, joy. The stupid me is here," Cat sighed.
"Who are you calling stupid?!" the other kitsune growled, shoving her way past the other servants and staff.
"I'm calling you stupid, that's who!" Cat taunted back. "You're not Cat's boss anymore, so Cat can say whatever she wants! Woof!"
"You're supposed to be a fox! Or a jackal, at the very least!" Tamamo shot back, her hands clenching at her sides.
"Oh yeah? And what are you supposed to be? A mass murderer? 'Cause that's what you did in life, meow!"
"THAT'S IT!" Tamamo screamed as she tackled Cat, the two screaming as they started clawing and ripping each other's clothes!
"Ahhh! Catfight, catfight!" Gudako screamed and pointed. "Someone help my new servant!"
"Yeah, before they start violating decency standards!" Kyon added.
"Not helping, Kyon!" Haruhi yelled at him. "Hey, Fujino-san, do you think you could...?"
"Yes... I can. Stand back, Master." Haruhi did as told, Fujino focusing on the fighting duo, a distortion suddenly shooting from her eyes! Tamamo Cat screamed as she was abruptly pulled away from the fox caster, smacking into the far wall! "Oops... that might have been a little much."
"Oww! What was that?! I feel all twisty and stuff!" Cat complained. "I think I need a catnap..."
"Honestly, fox caster, what were you thinking?!" Nero scolded as she pulled Tamamo to her feet. "I thought you had better discipline than that!"
"I was thinking I had to stop her before she ruined my good housewife reputation!" Tamamo shot back.
"You did a pretty good job of that on your own," Kyon sighed, ducking his head. "Oh, and your breast is showing."
"GAH!" Tamamo doubled over as she crossed her arms over her chest, her face going beet-red as laughter rumbled through the room! "Th, this is all your fault, Cat! I'll make you pay for this!" With that, she dashed out of the chamber as fast as her feet could carry her, Nero following at a slower pace.
"You struck first..." Tamamo Cat mumbled as she curled up and went to sleep.
"Um... so is it always like this with a new arrival?" Kairi asked Da Vinci.
"...it depends on who's summoned," Da Vinci sighed. "Clearly we're going to have to make arrangements to keep those two apart for the time being..."
"Well, at least it was just a cat-fight, instead of a real battle," Bazett said. "Archer, good job breaking them up."
"Um, thank you," Asagami turned in Bazett's direction and bowed. "Hopefully I can be of use to the Masters here, despite Artesia's misgivings..."
"Well, how about we go to the cafeteria for now? Let's see if my Saber here can actually handle spicy tofu," Haruhi suggested.
"Very well, let us go," Artesia nodded, carrying the bowl of spicy doom out of the chamber, Haruhi, Kyon and Asagami following.
*To be continued...*
