Fate/Kyon's Order: The Return

A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover

by Derald Snyder

Part 14: (Un)Welcome To SERAPH

Artesia cried in agony. To her, it felt like her left arm was being pulled out of it's socket... likely because that was what was happening, despite her Master's tight grip on her hand, trying to keep the saber from being pulled away... But then, the pulling ceased, and she found herself lying face down on what appeared to be a blue-tiled floor. Pushing herself up with her good arm, Artesia grimaced as her injured arm protested from the movement, gripping it with her good arm once she got to her knees, then slowly standing to her feet.

The blue-tiled floor was actually a virtual grid of sorts, with the depths of the sea visible in the distance. Hearing a groan to her left, Artesia saw her Master stirring, rising from her prone position, thankfully looking none the worse for wear. "Ugh, what the hell was that...?!"

"Wha..." Further to the left, Ritsuka Fujimaru roused, none of his servants anywhere in sight. "Wha... Where the hell am I?!"

"I'm guessing this is Seraphix," Haruhi groaned, one hand to her head. "But this doesn't look like any oil rig I've ever seen..."

"Master, I think my arm is dislocated," Artesia said through gritted teeth.

"Huh?! Oh, shit, I think you're right. Hang on..." Haruhi came up to her servant, putting one hand on Artesia's shoulder while the other gripped her upper bicep... "Okay, this is probably gonna hurt..." She then pushed, Artesia crying out in agony, until her arm popped back in place. "Okay, now... Mystic Code: First Aid!" A green glow enveloped the saber's shoulder, her pain mostly dissipating. "There, is that better?"

"Much better. Thank you, Master," Artesia nodded in gratitude. "But where are Master Ritsuka's servants?"

"Gone. BB threw them away," Haruhi sighed. "I remember that much, and squeezing your hand tight so I didn't lose you too..."

"I should have thought of that," Ritsuka grumbled. "So now what?" Just then, a holo-screen popped up, showing static...

(Now hacking... now hacking...)

(OK!)

The screen then showed 'Are you enjoying this' backwards on a white background, before the logo 'BB Channel' popped up, BB herself then appearing in her pink studio. "Hello, it's your favorite devil kouhai, BB, here to explain the rules!"

"Rules? I thought this was a rescue mission," Ritsuka said in confusion.

"Nope, I lied. This is a Holy Grail War, battle-royale style!" BB announced with a wide smile. "You two 126 other Masters will duel to the death, to gain the power to have your wish come true! But there can be only one left standing, so..."

"So Tamamo was right, it was a trap!" Haruhi snarled. "We should've known!"

"That's right! But it looks like you managed to keep your servant! Tsk, kind of an unfair advantage over your partner, huh?" BB taunted. "Oh, and also, you should watch out for Sentinels! They're scary strong and impossible for any regular servant to defeat. Buuuut they also might block your way to exploring the rest of SERAPH, so maybe you might want to try defeating them after all?"

"Wait, SERAPH?" Haruhi interrupted.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that? Well, the oil rig you once knew as 'Seraphix' is being slowly converted into data. SERAPH, a supercomputer that was once housed in the center of the Moon! And before long, you'll be digitized too! Unless you can find an area that's still intact... This area you're in now used to be the main entrance to the facility. Oh, and time here passes a lot faster than it does in real space. This place will reach the bottom of the Mariana Trench in two and a half real-time hours, but for you it'll feel like ten days! Oh, and it'll take about two in-game hours before you're converted into data, so you've got time to find a safe spot! But I wouldn't delay if I were you, S-e-n-p-a-i~..."

"You won't get away with this!" Ritsuka vowed.

"Oh, but I already have," BB smiled sinisterly, her eyes glowing red. "The only way to exit SERAPH is to win the Holy Grail War, or find your way to yours truly! But don't forget about the Sentinels! Okay, BB-chan out!" The holo-screen then showed static before winking out.

"Great, juuuust great," Haruhi sighed. "I really wish Yuki would've come with us..."

"We need to find Nero and the others," Ritsuka pointed out.

"Indeed, standing around complaining won't get us anywhere," Artesia nodded. Just then, her Instinct skill sensed something... "An enemy is approaching, possibly a servant. Ritsuka, get close to me."

Ritsuka did as told, as a woman with a similar face and hair color to BB emerged, though her eyes were blue, her chest was flat, and her lower legs were replaced with ice-blue blade-stilts. "What the..." she gasped, her gaze focusing on Haruhi and her servant. "Who are you?! You're not supposed to be here!"

"Says who?!" Haruhi shot back defiantly. "Aren't you one of BB's minions?! You should know she brought us here!"

"Don't you know assume makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'?" the girl shot back. "BB doesn't control me, I do as I please! And includes killing you!" With that, she lashed out with a kick, only for her blade to be parried by Artesia's sword!

"You want the Masters, you'll have to go through me!" the alter challenged.

"Fine by me! Let's dance!" her opponent cried, dancing around Artesia with several kicks and slices, only for the saber to easily parry every strike, before striking out with her own foot, catching the girl in the gut and forcing her back! "Gah! How can you keep up with my twin blades?!"

"I have lived and died by the sword all my life," Artesia snorted. "It's only natural that YOU would need two blades to match me!" Just then, she sensed another presence... "Masters, behind you!"

"Whoa!" Ritsuka cried as he fell backwards, barely dodging a sword slash! Said sword's owner was a young woman with orange hair and fox ears, dressed in a white school uniform with a red skirt!

"Wow! Good job, human, dodging my Daitouren!" the saber servant grinned with murderous intent. "I even snuck up on you and everything! But you won't dodge this one!"

"Dammit, another one?!" Haruhi grunted as she equipped her black keys- but before she could move, the fox-girl was parried by the BB lookalike! "Huh?!"

"Hey! Like, what are you doing, Meltryllis?! He's my prey!" the other servant protested.

"Shame on you, Suzuka," Meltryllis chastised, "One must always conduct themselves with elegance and grace on the battlefield. What decorum is there to be found in killing a Master who has yet to even properly take the stage?"

"Yeah, ambushes are totally disgraceful, you high-schooler wannabe!" Haruhi piled on.

"Hey, low blow! I'm totes a high-school girl!" Suzuka shot back.

"Enough. If you're so desperate for blood, than I shall be your opponent," Meltryllis offered. "Master, hurry up and form a contract with me, or do you want to die here?"

"Hey, what are we, chopped liver?! Let's go, Artesia!" Haruhi ordered.

"Understood, Master!" the saber nodded, the duo charging at Suzuka, their weapons clashing.

"...Why did you save me?" Ritsuka asked Meltryllis.

"It's quite simple. I'm a servant in search of a Master, and you're a Master with no servants at the moment. It's only logical," Meltryllis responded. "Now hurry up and form a contract! What, you don't trust me? I attacked the Master who had a servant, not you, remember?"

"...You saved me. I guess I've got no choice." With that, Ritsuka held up his hand, his command seal design imposing itself on the servant before fading into a gentle glow that absorbed into Meltryllis.

"...I feel the mana flowing into me. It's not much, but better than nothing. Very well, let us join the dance!" With that, Meltryllis skated toward the fight...

"Dammit!" Haruhi grunted as she deflected Suzuka's two floating katanas with her black keys. "Are we even doing anything to her?!"

Artesia evaded a diagonal cut, then thrust with her sword, catching Suzuka beneath her armpit! "What the... that should have drawn blood at least!"

"Step aside, amateurs!" Meltryllis called as she joined the battle, managing to catch Suzuka off-guard and slash her in the face!

"Hey! Aiming at the face, trying to ruin my perfect high-school beauty!" Suzuka cried angrily, Meltryllis easily dodging her counterattack and slashing at her at a few more times!

"Even that servant's attacks aren't doing anything! What madness is this?!" Artesia yelled.

"More like cheating if you ask me!" Haruhi said, holding her keys in a defensive position.

"Cheating?! Yeah right! This is my Karmaphage, a special skill granted to Sentinels by BB herself!" Suzuka exclaimed. "And once I've killed you all, I'll get my wish and become a real high-school demon girl! And a totally handsome boyfriend to boot!"

"Please, you think I didn't know about your skill that reduces damage by ninety percent?" Meltryllis taunted. "But it doesn't protect you from poison or viruses, doesn't it? Otherwise, you'd never be able to apply any lipstick or makeup, and that wouldn't sit well with you at all!"

"Wait, did you upload a virus into this servant when you slashed her?!" Haruhi comprehended.

"Viral warfare?!" Suzuka gasped. Sure enough, small distortions began to appear here and there on her body... "Crud! I totes forgot about your Melt Virus! Okay, you got me this time. I'll withdraw. This literally isn't even my jurisdiction, anyway. I just came to see what the big lightning show was all about."

"A rayshift does tend to attract attention..." Ritsuka recalled.

"Yeah, you there, the Master with the short hair! I totes forgot to introduce myself, didn't I? I'm Suzuka Gozen, the daughter of the Demon King of Fourth Heaven! We'll meet again, so don't forget me! I'll text you, left-swipe!" With that, she disappeared in a flash step.

"Well, she's an interesting character, huh?" Haruhi sighed. "Reminds me of some of my air-headed classmates back when I was in high school..." Ritsuka just shook his head in disbelief.

"You... Meltryllis, was it?" Artesia spoke to the purple-haired servant. "Why did you help Master Ritsuka just now?"

"Why? Simple. Because I felt like it, that's all," Meltryllis tried to deflect.

"A lie. I saw you staring at Master longingly just now," Artesia countered.

"Ohh, did my cute little Alter Ego fall in love at first sight?" A familiar voice suddenly spoke up from nowhere. "Or did she just find a new toy to play with? Find out on this episode of... BB Channel~!" The holo-screen from before rematerialized, showing BB's grinning countenance.

"Not again..." Haruhi groaned in exasperation.

"Did you say 'Alter Ego'? So she is one of yours, then!" Artesia accused.

"Ding ding ding! Correct answer, Black Saber!" BB exclaimed, applause being heard from the holo-screen. "Melt here is the first of five Alter Egos of your truly! She has a problem with following orders though... that why I stripped her of her Sentinel status and gave it to Suzuka instead!"

"No big loss," Meltryllis shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm the Alter Ego of pleasure. I do what I want. And seeing that smug smirk scrubbed from your face would give me no greater pleasure!"

"So you're a rebellious child then, huh?" Haruhi said with her hands on her hips.

"Please, I'm far more mature than this one is!" Melt sardonically indicated BB. "She wouldn't know maturity if it slapped her in the face!"

"Sticks and stones can't break my bones, and words can't hurt me either~" BB sing-songed. "Anyway, now that you've gone up against a Sentinel, you know how impossible it is to win! And there's five in all, one for each sector!"

"Speaking of which, why is SERAPH shaped like a naked woman?" Ritsuka asked.

"It is?!" Haruhi looked about the landscape. "Holy shit, you're right!"

"Ugh, just ignore that. Even I find it embarrassing," BB flushed a bit. "It's only natural that when my consciousness merged with SERAPH, that it would take on my shape! Anyway, while I'm here, I might as well let you know that access to several sectors is locked! Buuut, I could give you the keys if you decide to bribe me... but I'll only take Sakura Money for those, nothing else! And since I feel bad for you being dropped into this game without warning, I might sell other items for more common currency! 'What currency', you ask? Why, the Sakura Drops you get from defeating enemies and other servants, of course! All you have to do is say 'BB Kitchen, Execute', and the shop screen will open up! Okay, that does it for this info dump. Until next time~!" With that, the screen winked out.

"...Wait, she's the game master, yet she's willing to help us for a price?" Artesia muttered in confusion.

"That's BB for you. Full of contradictions," Meltryllis sighed. "Anyway, let's get moving. There's a church not too far from here that hasn't digitized yet. You can rest there."

"If this turns out to be a trap, I will kill you myself," Artesia asserted.

"You can try," the alter ego smirked.

"I think we can trust her," Ritsuka spoke up again. "After all, she saved me when she had no reason to..."

"Unless she's manipulating us for her own goals," Haruhi countered.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not," Meltyrllis smiled again. "But I'm the only one who knows the layout, so it's not like you really have a choice, Masters..."

"...True," Haruhi ceded. "Alright, lead the way, Alter Ego." But just then...

"Help! Help!" A female voice cried out in the distance, a woman wearing glasses and a green uniform running onto the scene...

*To be continued...*