Elves do not like it underground. They prefer the nature of forests over caves and large stone buildings. This is well known by everyone in Middle Earth. It should come as no surprise then, that the elves of Mirkwood choose to place their capital and seat of royal power in subterranean halls…wait a second…what?

Thranduils halls had been dug out with the help of dwarfs ages ago. The latter had then been almost rudely sent away as they were not entrusted with the more central tasks of designing the furniture and choosing the right colour for the walls. The elves were more than willing to delegate such minor and mundane petty details as roofs, walls, ventilation and heating, but Elbereth forbid that some layman and amateur be entrusted with the almost sacred furnishing!

When Runar and Halvdan arrived they were apparently expected to be stunned by the variety of the beautiful landscape. North there were vast acres of trees, to the east a mighty wall of tree trunks obscured the view while in the west; the deep forest vegetation provided a stunning panorama. None of it could truly rival the south however, where the sun glittered through the marvellous pines and spruces.

The captain of their escort, Skaldir, was steadily regaining his earlier pride and pompousness which had been so mercilessly injured by the blunt and insensitive guests. He turned around to them as they approached Thranduils halls and began to tell about the surroundings.

-Dear visitors, we now stand among one of the great wonders of Middle Earth, the heart of Mirkwood!

-Thank you very much, we caught that the last nine times as well. Runar responded.

-From here flows the very life-force of the forest and all the creatures living in it!

-Like the hideous spiders and wraiths around Dol Guldur as well?

-Oh no, this is only the heart of the real, true and pure Mirkwood. The ugly and foul things that plague the forest, or any other part of the world, have nothing to do with us.

-I see. Isn't the heart of a forest usually the middle of it? Because then the heart of Mirkwood should be located much further south, about south of the mountains of the forest. This is more like the head of the forest, or the feet of it.

-Hmph! Much to learn you still have, dwarf! But look around you. Marvel at the mysterious and enthralling forest! The multitude of exciting species, the endless variation of plants and animals!

-Well, let's give it a try then. To my left I see trees, to my right, some more trees and straight ahead, oh look! Trees! I don't see anything behind me as my eyesight doesn't reach that far. What about you Halvdan?

-I am speechless with awe. I marvel at the unworldly beauty and wish to bask in the glory of the elves, the true lords of the world! Halvdan said.

-Are you allright? Runar asked.

-Now that's more like it! I knew I could spread some culture even to the unwashed dwarfs! Skaldir proudly exclaimed.

-Just joking. Bask in the glory of the elves….hehehe…ridiculous…Halvdan said.

Runar laughed, but in a slightly more diplomatic manner.

Skaldir looked like he had something under his nose that smelled foul. He snorted and frowned and bade them go inside the royal hall to spare his sensitive ears more outrages.

For dwarfs used to the intricate mazes known as dwarven mines and halls of mountain kings, it was no hard thing finding the way through the very basic and shallow elven halls. The elves seemed to have more trouble because they always wandered around with dreamy, misty eyes and were apparently oblivious to everyone else. A visitor could hear a constant low mumbling, like a kind of buzzing sound. It was the sound of elves walking around and reciting poems and making up new ones. They were all long, hard to follow, and boring. The poems, that is. The elves were just long and boring.

Soon the dwarfs reached the royal hall of Thranduil. It was a quite comfortable place, well lit and with some space. A group of elves had gathered around something in the middle, one of them was playing the fiddle. The dwarfs approached to see what everyone looked at, and Halvdan wondered, what is that? Elves in a ring, around another elf with a sword who is just posing?

Wondering why bad rhyming suddenly seemed to invade his head, Runar began to address the assembly:

-Greetings honourable allies. We bring word from king Dain to Thranduil of Mirkwood.

-Sschhh! Don't disturb the royal posing practise! An elf hissed.

-What, posing practise? Runar whispered.

-Of course. Each week the king gathers the court to reveal the new and latest ways to wield elven bows and swords.

-So you, err…change your ways to fight each week?

-Naturally, one has to stay fashionable.

-I would rather stay alive, personally. Isn't it hard to adapt to new fencing patterns and archery techniques all the time?

-Such is the great burden of the elves. Together with the unpleasant company of lesser peoples…

Eventually the posing practise was over and Thranduil returned to his throne while the court kept ooooh:ing and aaaah:ing for a time to demonstrate their loyalty to the king. Runar stepped forward before the throne.

-Greetings lord Thranduil. I bring word from king Dain of Erebor. Runar said.

-Greetings dwarf. Did you see my latest poses? Thranduil eagerly responded.

-Just the latest one.

-Perhaps I should show you the first ones?

-Thank you so much, but that won't be necessary. It is easy to imagine how magnificent they must have looked just by watching the latest ones (Runar was indeed a talented diplomat).

-Ah, yes you are right. Listen, I have been thinking – it is high time we elves start aiding our allies more directly. How about I gather my best weapon masters and visit your king to teach him the latest about swordsmanship and archery?

-I don't think that is such a good idea. You know, us dwarfs being more into axes and crossbows and such. Elven weapons would be very large and unwieldy for us.

-Alas, maybe you are right. Only the greatest of warriors can wield such epic weapons. Such is the great burden of the elves. Anyways, what can we do for you?

Inside his head Runar sighed with relief. A potential diplomatic disaster had been averted. Posing like this in front of Dain…"shudder". He continued:

-King Dain sends his regards and wishes to engage in a trade of map information. To aid each other, we must know how to find each other.

-Splendid idea! I shall give you access to all our maps at once.

An advisor stepped forward and whispered something to the king. Thranduil looked sheepish.

-Ah, it seems we don't have any maps ready right now. He said.

-Well, we'll just wait so you can draw some, no problem at all. But how is it you don't have any maps?

-Uhmm, being elves we have this supernatural memory and eyesight and such, so we…have never needed maps.

-But what about your allies?

-We…hrm…never thought of that. We elves don't usually notice so much about other races.

-We are touched by your consideration. Very well, we'll leave some maps of ours here for you to copy and wait for your cartographers to draw maps of your own for us to copy then.

The advisor stepped forward and whispered something again.

-Err…there is a slight problem…

-What now? Runar asked.

-Well, being unearthly beings with supernatu…

-…ral skills, wisdom and knowledge. Yes, I have heard that.

-Yes, well, since we never forget anything and knowledge is passed on through our songs and poetry and so, we have never thought it necessary to aquire any means of writing or drawing.

-You mean to tell me you don't have a single piece of paper in your whole kingdom?

-Well, yes…

-Aaargh! Ok, ok, ok, here is 280 gold pieces, a members special discount card for the books-and-paper shop in Dale and a card with the address of the shop as well as the way to Erebor, in case anyone had forgotten it. Just send some emissary there and buy paper and pencils, draw some maps and take them to king Dain who will give you maps to copy. Think you can do that?

-Of course. Would you like a guide for the next part of your travel through Mirkwood?

-No we will take the north road instead, thank you.

-Alas. But such is the great burden of the elves.

-Such is the great burden of the dwarfs! Runar said through his teeth.

In the meantime, Halvdan had a much more enjoyable time. He was standing in the back of the hall and watching Runars diplomatic challenges when a light voice sounded.

-Are you a dwarf?

Halvdan turned around. A young elven girl stood and looked at him. She must be very young because she was hardly any taller than he was.

-Last time I looked I was. He answered.

-I am a wood elf. My name is Miniel. What is your name?

-Halvdan. I am a friend of the dwarf Runar over there, who is discussing with lord Thranduil.

-Poor friend of yours. It must be awfully boring. Thranduil is really such a bore. He makes me sleepy.

-Hehehe, I can understand that. Halvdan chortled.

-He just shows his silly posing to everyone. "Oh look at me, I pose so beautifully, see my muscles blah blah blah".

-Haha, yes, luckily Runar takes care of all looking at silly kings.

-What do you do?

-I spy on dangerous enemies, drink alcohol and meet good-looking girls. Like now.

-Then you're like Jameuron Bondlir. But nicer.

-Who is Jameuron Bondlir?

-He is some spy in a series of tales that Skaldir the skald invented. Jameuron always drinks shaken elf wine made by Vodlikil and Martinir – that is the biggest wine-maker here – and when he meets people he always says "the name is Bondlir. Jameuron Bondlir". That's pretty stupid I think. If people did not hear his name once they could ask. And it is silly to say your last name first, because then it sounds as if it is your first name.

-Perhaps I should start introducing myself like that? The name is Blacksilver. Halvdan Blacksilver.

-NO!

-Just joking.

-Why are you called Blacksilver?

-Some great grand-something ancestor of mine, Brifi, was surrounded by bandits when he camped one evening. He was carrying silver pieces and on his way home from a remote mining colony. However, Brifi had the habit of covering the silver pieces in soot and put them in his campfire to hide them. So the bandits thought they were just pieces of firewood. They stole Brifis tools and some of his clothes though, but Brifi made it safely home with the silver.

-Smart!

-Indeed. After getting home Brifi gathered some of his kinsmen. They hunted down the bandits and managed to catch them completely by surprise when they were camping. All bandits were captured and taken to the leader of Brifis clan. Their loot was distributed back to the original owners as well as could be done.

-What did he do with the bandits?

-I'm getting to that. That is the best part. The clan chieftain, Grom, followed Brifis advice and did not harm the bandits. Instead, Brifi stepped forward and showed them the soot covered silver they have missed, while the whole dwarf clan stood around and fell over laughing at them. Then Grom gave them some land so they could make their living as farmers rather than bandits. However, he also sentenced them to having to stay there for three decades and always having to supply passing dwarfs with food and drinks. Additionally, they were obliged to clean and furnish all metal brought by travelling dwarfs. And the dwarfs, not least Brifi, were all too happy about visiting them with all kinds of dirty metal and ensuring that they never forgot about the failed robbery.

-Hihihihihihihihi! Miniel giggled.

-So Brifi took the name "Blacksilver" in remembrance of this episode and his cunning scheme. He became rather famous and a very rich dwarf. It was just one thing. As the tale spread, everyone knew about his trick with dirty metal. But Brifi soon thought out a much better way of hiding his valuables.

-What is that?

-Can't say. At least not until I have thought out an even better idea.

-Boooo. Boring. But fair enough I guess.

-Some time after Brifis bandit hunt, some less honourable dwarfs of another clan started selling campfires to unsuspecting travellers who had heard the tale and believed they were full of silver. But Brifi quickly put an end to that fraud.

-What a funny story. It's much better than those of Skaldir. Miniel said.

-Wait a moment, we met an elf called Skaldir on our way here. Or rather, he pestered our trip with lectures about the unearthly beauty of all things in Mirkwood.

-Yeah that's him. I wonder if the king sends him away to guard the border just to get rid of his talking? He's soo dull. He thinks he is some kind of poet, but he never makes any funny rhymes or songs. Wait until you hear him in front of the king, you're gonna fall asleep in no time.

-I'd rather not. Is there anything else you can do in this place other than listen to boring poems?

-We can go play with my lego.

-What's lego?

-It's kind of, small bricks and figures. You can build things with them. Here, I'll show you. This is one my lego high elf archers and a goblin:

-And this is a wood elf. He looks rather grumpy, so it must be Skaldir. Hihihihi!

-Excactly like Skaldir! I can hear him saying "how dare you not marvel at the sight of the glorious Mirkwood". Halvdan said.

-Or "behold the great Skaldir, the incarnation of perfection and beauty"!

-Hahaha, just like him.

-I have the most lego of everyone here I think. People sometimes call me the "lego-lass" because I play so much with them. But it's fun!

-We dwarfs like building things too. But we usually use a bit larger bricks and so.

-Can elves build stone things?

-Of course! If you feel up to it, I'm sure you could become a mason in Erebor when you are older.

-Yippiiee! Then I must have a cool last name like Blacksilver.

-I think lego-lass sounds nice, actually. You could call yourself Miniel Legolass and sell lego bricks to the kids in Erebor and Dale, to complement the masonry business.

-What, you don't have any lego?

-Nope.

-Poor you. Then I really must go to Erebor and set things right.

All in all, Halvdan was quite pleased with the trip to Mirkwood. Miniel Legolass was very nice and entertaining even made up for the irritating Skaldir. Runar on the other hand had had enough of elven royalty for a long time, and was more eager than ever to get out of Mirkwood. He was a bit puzzled to see Halvdan playing with a little elven girl why he had been busy with important negotiations, but Halvdan informed him that he was simply establishing diplomatic relations with the next generation of rulers, as well as promoting Erebor industry. Runar agreed that those things were perfectly in line with their diplomatic mission.

Luckily for Runar, their diplomatic missions would now take them elsewhere. They would follow the desolate and dangerous path north of Mirkwood, through wilderness where goblins and orcs could were lurking behind every stone…