Fate/Kyon's Order: The Return
A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover
by Derald Snyder
Part 17: Overturned
Haruhi smiled in satisfaction at the sleeping form of Tamamo Cat, curled up in one of the church pews. "Good thing we managed to recover her... Gudako'll be happy. But what about that memory you saw?" She turned back to Ritsuka.
"It was some bad guy, working under this Beckman fellow," Ritsuka began.
"Arnold Beckman. He's one of the few left in the Command Room... maybe the only one left," Mable supplied.
"But then, the guy said something about working under 'her' instead..." Ritsuka continued, clearly confused.
"Her... perhaps the corrupted therapist?" Artesia suggested. "We believed that she was influenced by the Demon God Pillar..."
"And yet, we still know not to what end," Gawain pointed out. "The only way we solve this mystery is to find the planetarium. But we seemed to have explored everywhere here, save the Command Room..."
"W-well the planetarium's not there, I know that much for sure!" Mable asserted. "Unless... maybe it's on the lower level?"
"There's another level to Seraphix?!" Haruhi gasped. "Why didn't you tell us that sooner?!"
"Ah! I, um, I guess I didn't really think of it until just now..." the worker stammered.
"But could we get to the other level? We haven't seen anything that looks like stairs..." Artesia pondered, her brow furrowed in concentration. The other servants spoke similarly.
"I got an idea," another voice spoke up, the group turning to look at Tamamo Cat, curled up but very much awake. "You know how you you cook a mochi? what you do to make sure it cooks through evenly? We should try that!"
"Um, what?" Haruhi grunted, clearly confused.
"I think I know what she means," Ritsuka said. "We should try to flip SERAPH over."
"Flip it over?!" Everyone save Cat, Meltryllis and Emiya Alter cried in shock.
"H-how could we even do something like that?!" Gawain protested.
"No, wait, Cat might actually have the right idea," Haruhi snapped her fingers. "SERAPH's in the shape of a woman, right? We've explored the whole front side, but she has a back side as well! That's Seraphix's lower level!"
"Actually, that does make a certain amount of sense, when you think about it..." Tristan nodded, absentmindedly strumming his harp/bow. "Of course, the problem remains of how to get the woman to turn over. We can't just push her, after all..."
"Let me see..." Ritsuka grunted as he pulled up the BB Kitchen item list. "Ah-ha. I thought this one item was odd..."
"What is it?" Haruhi walked over to look. "...A tickle stick?! Seriously?!"
"So we tickle SERAPH into flipping over," Artesia closed her eyes in disbelief. "I cannot fathom this BB's sense of humor..."
"About time you figured it out," Meltryllis taunted.
"Wait, you knew?! Why did you not tell us?!" Gawain demanded angrily.
"Because I'm the Alter Ego of pleasure. I love seeing you lot squirm and flail about in frustration," Melt smirked.
"Well, at least she's not indulging her sadism in more direct ways," Haruhi sighed. "Do we have enough money?"
"Just enough." Ritsuka promptly purchased the item, the tickle stick appearing in his hands.
"Okay! Let's head to the Flank Separator! That's the most sensitive spot on the human body, after all!" Tamamo Cat exclaimed.
"Fine, let's go," Artesia sighed. "Tristan, as usual, you stay here and guard the useless human."
"Of course, my dark liege with no sense of humor."
"...I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Sir Tristan."
"G-good luck!" Mable said. "And maybe brave Sir Gawain should stay behind next time...!"
*Flank Separator*
"Well, here we are," Haruhi said, looking around. "Gimme the tickle stick, Ritsuka. I wanna do this." The young Master promptly handed the item over with a knowing smile. "Time for a little revenge, Black Blossom! Tickle tickle tickle!" Immediately the area began to shake ominously...
"Ahhhhh! What are you DOING?! I sold that to you in good faith!" BB's voice called out. "You're not getting away with this! Get 'em, Sentinel!" A shadowy figure materialized, in the shape of a young girl with horns and a dragon's tail!
"Oh, no... not Elizabeth!" Ritsuka went pale.
"No matter! She's a Lancer, I can cut her down easily!" Artesia asserted, rushing at the shadow servant.
"Hurry, before she starts singing!" Gawain cried, seeing the dark idol raising a microphone to her lips! Fortunately the alter was faster, slicing off the hand that held the mike!
"Hey!" shadow Elizabeth protested. "How can I serenade my lovely audience if you-" she didn't have a chance to finish as Artesia lopped her head off, her form fading into nothingness.
"Well, that was anticlimactic," Emiya Alter deadpanned.
"Yeahhh, this is what you get for throwing a Sentinel together on such short notice," BB concurred.
"Ahhh!" another female voice suddenly called, a certain Alter Ego suddenly appearing on the scene!
"Lip?! What is she doing here?!" Meltryllis cried.
"Don't look at me! I didn't call her here!" BB denied.
"Dammit! Here!" Haruhi handed the tickle stick to Ritsuka, equipping her black keys. "Keep tickling! "We'll try and and hold her-!"
"No, I shall hold her off!" Gawain exclaimed. "Have at you, fiend!" With that he charged at Passionlip, jumping over her claw swipe and slashing her in the shoulder!
"Sir Gawain!" Artesia cried in concern! She tried to go help, only to fall to a knee as the shaking increased!
"Here we go!" Meltryllis yelled, the group crying out as their surroundings flipped upside down...
*Dorsal Plane*
"Ugh..." Ritsuka groaned as he sat up his knees, a bit dizzy... as his vision cleared, he saw what appeared to be a Japanese festival with a Ferris wheel in the distance. "I think we made it..."
"Well, that was a trip," Emiya Alter sighed. "Everyone here?"
"I think so," Meltryllis nodded.
"Sir Gawain..." Artesia sighed as she stood to her feet. "I know he wouldn't die that easily, but..." Looking around, she realized someone was missing. "Wait... where's Master at?"
"Huh?!" Ritsuka and the others looked around. "Haruhi?!"
"Master?! MASTER?!" Artesia called out.
"You should totes worry more about yourselves!" a familiar voice cried, the dark saber barely deflecting a slash from none other than Suzuka Gozen. "I told you to text me, left-swipe, but I didn't think you'd actually come visit! I'm a little embarrassed, actually!"
"So this is Suzuka's domain... Emiya, assist Artesia!" Ritsuka ordered.
"Right... we'll take out the trash first, then commence the search," Emiya Alter cocked his guns.
"Trash? You're the trash, being all brooding and emo... SO not my type," Suzuka taunted.
"I'll help too!" Tamamo Cat exclaimed, brandishing her claws as she joined the fray!
*Elsewhere...*
"Ughhh..." Haruhi slowly pushed herself up to her knees, putting a hand to her head. "What a ride that was... everyone okay?" As her vision cleared, she realized that she was the only one around, her surroundings dark with only a large whirlpool nearby...
"Wha... Where the hell am I?! And where is everybody?!"
*To be continued...*
