The black mountain pass leading to Gundabad was in itself enough to make the faint-hearted faint. Huge, sharp cliffs with eternal shade between them and all sorts of ominous sounds coming from the sides. The howling of wolves, marching of goblins, shrieking of smugglers and philosophical discussions of goats all contributed to the atmosphere of fear.
-This is too quiet, said Runar.
-What do you mean, this place is filled with background noise contributing to the atmosphere of fear, said Halvdan.
-Yes, and that is much less than usual for goblins. In a proper orc encampment or city there is a constant chattering in the foreground, wailing trolls and wargs in the background and no rest for the wicked ones whatsoever at any time.
-I see. Or rather, I hear. Which I don't, when it comes to those noises you described but I hear your description.
-Erebor is truly blessed with such a vigilant scout to watch for dangers…
-Knock it off, I was trying to be polite like you always boast about.
-While I am trying to hard to learn the finer sides of the special spy vocabulary. Hehehe…
Sauron had proclaimed that his former master Melkor, or Morgoth Bauglir, should be worshipped as a god. His hordes of feebleminded subjects complied out of anything from fear to obscene obedience. Gundabad is a long way from Mordor, though, and after Sauron left Dol Guldur to search for safer places in his good old fortress, the religious situations had gone into total chaos. New faiths grew like weed in a snobbish florists rose plantation, mixing traditions, beliefs and politics in the most shifting and shifty ways.
It seemed that every religious instigator would summon his or her followers to a mountain and preach from the top. While it is certainly so that you can reach out to a greater audience if you stand on a small hill or something, standing on a mountain top will undoubtly make it very difficult for the followers to hear, let alone climb to hear out the ceremony. It was something with mountains that attracted would-be prophets of all sorts. A strange phenomenon.
From that point of view, it was perhaps not so strange that Gundabad was the centre for all those new movements. Three mountain ranges met at Gundabad, offering a vast and impressive supply of mountain tops to confuse your followers from.
West: the Protesting church of Goblins and Trolls. More of a rebellious revolutionary movement than a true religion, its ranks swelled with each day. What snaga wasn't tired of being thrown mindlessly as arrow fodder against impossibly stronger opponents? What goblins had not heard enough for a lifetime in unit info cards about how weak and pathetic goblins were and therefore had to compensate with vast numbers? And what troll doesn't know how it feels to single handily do all the work beating up elite enemies?
East: The Stinglish church of Canterberry. Promoting Stinglish dominion over the church as well as the sacred nature of canterberries (a kind of cherry, discovered by a Stinglish rider whose horse just changed to canter, hence the name). Led by Thomas the Turbulent, archbishop of Canterberry City. They controlled huge tracks of land and the foremost of the bishops were also the fattest, swelling to spherical shape from all agricultural tithe they consumed.
Furthest to the east were a very misguided prophet from Rottland. His name was Gibbiam Mellace, known to the public as Gibbiam Malice. As was common in Rottland, the name was a cross of his parents, Mella Gibbonson and Wallace Williams, names. He spoke in tongues, in fact a strange tongue invented by him and named after him; Gibberish. His Gibberish was meant to sound as Rottish but it was in truth just a pathetic parody of it (just like the orcs were a parody of the elves). His most infamous preaching was the speech of Brave Hearts. In this he appealed to the heroic nature of the Rottlanders which apparently would be shown primarily by having flames and thunderstorms erupting from ones behind. Very strange. While Rottish food was bad, it was not that bad. In his brave hearts speech he told about the ancient battle of Stirling Bridge. It was just that his version of the battle took place on an open plain. How someone can interpret "bridge" as being in the open with no river in sight went beyond anyone with some common sense. Then, Gibbiam was not the brightest of fellows (as seen, he stood turned north towards the unpopulated wasteland instead of south towards Rottland). He made up for that with passion and spoke with the passion of the Crest. The passion of the crest referred to the crest worn by some birds, like cockatoos, and how Gibbiams preaching was as hard to understand as the chattering of parrots such as the cockatoos.
Standard procedure for totalitarian oppressors like Sauron was to send inquisitors, servants of Sauron, to quell the opposition. This did not work however. Servants of Sauron can, as everyone knows, only denounce one enemy every quarter of a year. This isn't very much in an area populated by goblins who use vast numbers to compensate for their…allright allright!...who use vast numbers to complement their profound skill and strength. Happy now? So, desperate measure had to be taken. Sauron had summoned the chief inquisitor! His name was not known, even he himself had forgotten it. He introduced himself just as Saurons inquisitor with a name given him upon receiving his commission. It was a title that was carried on by a new villain as the former one died. The current was the dreadful Pascalis the Savage, successor of Gregorius the Gregarious.
The coming of the Petrifying, Ominous, Pascalis Enforcer, or POPE, had turned Gundabads population into chaotic lunatics. Fearing his arrival, some sought to appease Sauron by butchering everyone around in a typical orcish way. Others quickly signed up for as many cults as possible hoping that some would help against the monstrous POPE.
Runar and Halvdan had used the long introduction to mask their whereabouts. They disguised themselves as obscure cultists in large brown robes with hoods. This way they could sneak through the pass to Gundabad. Snow had begun to fall and the temperature was dropping. Only the most nosy of goblin sentinels wanted to be outside. When meeting nosy goblins they responded with strange, confusing phrases that might be interpreted as them having divine protection. A typical situation was this one:
-Hurgh! Stop there! You be unknown, said the nosy goblin.
-Diabolus infernalis, Runar greeted him back.
-What? Me not understand.
-Pax vobiscum.
-?
-Ferrum Aeternum.
-What be you saying?
-Europa Babaorum, waitum forevernum.
-Be you prophets? "shudder"
-Roma Surrectum, Runar confirmed.
-Aaaaagh! "runs away"
The mighty city of Gundabad, faction capital of the Orcs of Gundabad, was in fact…a small town with a palisade wall. Oh, well, it probably had other impressive qualities, as Halvdan could tell.
-…it is because the goblins, being subterranean beings, build most of their settlements under the ground and in caves. This town is just a decoy, and some landmark for foreign emissaries. This is how they can throw out companies of 250 each from the same buildings above earth that only generate 120 each for us.
-I thought it was the people in the town that signed up as soldiers?
-Oh no, soldiers all across the world are magically generated by these buildings and spawn in a blink, just as a quarter of a year passes. One day nothing, next a fully equipped iron guard regiment.
-We don't have iron guards yet. The so called war preparations are not finished.
-So we, after the battle of five armies and the threatening emissaries from Mordor wanting us to hunt down Bilbo, would be unprepared for war? I find that hard to believe to say the least.
-Apparently it happens to all peoples of Middle Earth, even Gondor who just recently fought a great battle where Boromir managed to retake Osgiliath.
-All while being unprepared for war…Absurd.
-Returning to the former question, do you really mean to tell me that dwarves just spring up from holes in the ground ready to fight? That is of course ridiculous.
-How else would you explain that the population of a settlement is completely unaffected by recruitment in it?
-Perhaps the population only represents the civilians and the potential military recruits are represented in the steadily growing recruitment pools? Since they only train for war and don't work they generate no income, hence why settlement income is unaffected by recruitment.
-Aeeh…that is too easy. It has to be more complicated I'm sure. Hey, what about part-time soldiers like militia?! They are supposed to be ordinary productive citizens in daily life, that's why they are such lousy fighters.
-What do I know of militia? We dwarfs don't have any militia as you very well know. We have miners, who are productive but certainly don't share their income with anyone else, last of all the king.
They went closer and scouted near the gates. They were heavily guarded.
-I have an idea, said Halvdan, how about that you enter the town alone?
-Some partner you are!
-Wait, I'll explain. This is in fact a cunning plan. If we approach like this we will look like the travellers we are and that will be suspicious. On the other hand, if someone approaches without travelling gear, perhaps bringing in supplies or gifts, it will look more normal.
-Then why don't we both appear without our gear and enter the town together?
-One of us has to stay to guard the travelling gear. If found, it will at once generate suspicion that travellers have left it to do some mischief and the goblins will wonder what kind of dangerous work that required the travellers to leave their luggage unattended. If I stay, however, I can ensure that the gear is kept hidden and move it if necessary. You, naturally, have to be the one entering the town and negotiating as you are the head of diplomacy. Just like when I had to play the hideous woman a couple of chapters ago, because you are head of negotiations.
-Grumble…
-I'll help you pack a sack of would-be supplies. Keep watch while I hide the luggage and find some good spot to scout from.
-You miserable moron…I bet all this is because I took charge of the plan when fooling the goblins. You have just waited to repay me in kind. That's soooo pathetic.
Halvdan disappeared in the woods while Runar stood guard. After a while Halvdan called out loudly.
-I have finished the sack for you! I'm going off to hide in order to scout better! Good luck!
The unhelpful fool doesn't even bother to stay and watch me sneak inside the town, Runar thought angrily. He went up to their small camp where the luggage was well hidden under some bushes and covered with leaves and snow. He opened the sack and looked inside. Cloaks and rags lay densely packed at the top. Some supplies…At least they were so uninteresting that nobody would bother searching the rest of the sack. He swung it over his shoulder and let out a gasp. What weight! They must be getting really weakened by the constant travels. Although the diet of roots and such had been a source of not much happiness. The sooner they got out of these goblin garbage gorges the better.
Approaching the gates, Runar felt uneasy. Halvdan was sometimes a silly sod of gigantic proportions, but he knew how to handle escapes and spying.
-State your business, one of the guards said, a mercenary from the hillmen of the north.
-I be bringing supplies, grunt, grunt, said Runar.
-Show.
Runar opened his sack. The guard looked at it and then spat on the cloak that was at the top.
-Hahaha! Go on with ye, and yer "valueables". But watch out lest someone steals them, little cultist! Hahaha!
Runar moved inside. Even if Halvdan had packed, he didn't like the gesture of spitting on his luggage. "I hope the peace, if they agree to it, soon breaks" he thought.
The elder of the town would presumably be in one of the larger building near the city square. There was not that many to choose from. Runar picked the one that still stood upright, a good indication of wealth and importance in goblin cities.
Then he saw it. A narrow passage leading from the town into the mountain itself. He slowly approached it. What was this strange city, guarding a mere mountain pass into nowhere? Following it, Runar trekked upward through the mountain for several minutes in the company of goblins who rushed past him without a second thought. The pass ended in a circular valley with flat cliffs around it. In the middle lay…a goblin fortress!
Runar could see a main entrance under what looked like a giant statue of a dragon, leading to some unknown area. Reluctantly he began to approach it. The massive doors were covered in frost and ice, yet the floor was clear so they were apparently opened and closed often enough to sweep away the snow. Taking the final steps inside, Runar shivered. There was nothing inside, save for a huge stair down into the ground. The entire great fortress was nothing but a giant gatehouse for the underground entrance! Runar proceeded down the empty stairs which quickly turned right, deeper into the mountain. Suddenly he heard doors swing shut behind him, smaller than the great gate. All went black.
