Fate/Kyon's Order: The Return
A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover
by Derald Snyder
Part 22: Murder in the Sanctuary
*Portopia Thigh Sanctuary*
Tristan couldn't help but smile at the sight of Haruhi and Tamamo Cat leaning against each other in one of the church pews as they quietly snoozed... Passionlip was sleeping by herself in the corner, not having stirred since she had been brought back here. Meanwhile, Shiki and Hans were sitting stoically in another pew, both silent.
But not for long for the latter. "...So, what will we do once the others return?"
"Hopefully they come back with survivors," Tristan replied, "whom we can question about what direction to go next..."
"And what if they're as clueless as we are?"
"Then we will have to keep searching ourselves," the knight responded. "I suppose you don't know anything about the planetarium?"
"Have I mentioned that MONSTER and I have been stuck in the Cage of the Fallen for a long time now?" Andersen snarked back. "I know absolutely nothing about this planetarium!"
"Keep it down or I'll cut you," Shiki warned.
"...Alas, I expected as much," Tristan sighed. "Also, we don't know if BB is truly the mastermind here, or if one these demon god pillars are involved..."
"Demon god pillar?" Hans's face took on a confused expression. "Please, the most likely culprit would be that godforsaken cow!"
"Who exactly is this 'cow' you speak of?" Tristan pressed. But before Hans could answer, he heard the sound of footsteps... "Ah, it seems Gawain and the others have returned." Sure enough, Ritsuka's party walked into the sanctuary, with a male staff member in tow. "Ah, welcome back. It seems your expedition was fruitful."
"(yawn) Whuzzat...?" Haruhi groaned as she roused, Cat shaking herself awake as well. "Oh hey, welcome back, everyone! How did it go?"
"We had to fight a demon god pillar," Gawain stated.
"HUH?!" Everyone gasped, the sound causing Passionlip to stir.
"It seemed pretty weak, though," Rituka supplemented. "Nothing like the real deal..."
"It seemed to lack any sort of intelligence as well," Artesia spoke up. "It seemed more like a wild beast than anything..."
"Well, I'm just glad it's gone now!" the human staff member stated.
"Arnold?! Is that you?!" Mable gasped as she emerged from upstairs. "Oh, thank goodness you're all right!"
"Oh, uh... Mable?" Arnold Beckman tried to recall. "Y, yeah, good to see you, too."
"(yawn)... Oh, hello everyone!" Passionlip greeted. Moving slowly, she carefully approached the group, making sure her claws didn't damage anything. "Um, I wanted to thank you for saving me..."
"What the-?! Another Alter Ego?!" Beckman cried in horror. "W-what madness is this?!"
"It's okay, they both hate BB," Ritsuka tried to assure him. "We can trust them."
"Yeah, we need all the help we can get with that insane AI..." Haruhi added.
"She's not the one you should be blaming for this," Hans spoke up abruptly.
"What...?" Arnold turned to the midget caster. "If that BB's not responsible for this madness, then who...?"
"None other than that godforsaken- CAAARGGHHHLLL!" Andersen cried and gurgled as a dark tentacle skewered him from below!
"KYAAAA!" Mable screamed, having fallen on her rear. Artesia swiftly cut off the tentacle with her blade, but too late, as Andersen's form collapsed into golden dust, the tentacle itself dissolving into bits and bytes soon afterward.
"Dammit-! Where did that come from?!" Haruhi cried as she summoned her black keys.
"It looked a bit like that fake demon pillar!" Ritsuka realized.
"What?! I thought you killed that monstrosity!" Arnold cried in disbelief.
"Perhaps it was a spawn of the pillar," Gawain suggested. "Artesia and I will go search outside to see if any more remnants are about. Is this acceptable?" The group agreed, the two sabers nodding to each other as they exited the sanctuary.
But instead of a demon pillar, they found... "Shi- Emiya! Where have you been?!" Artesia demanded.
"I've been... around," Emiya Alter sighed. "My search turned up nothing, though."
"You didn't happen to see anything resembling a dark tentacle with eyes around here, did you?" Gawain inquired.
"Can't say that I have. Why do you ask?" So the two explained to him what happened... "Damn, that's harsh. Clearly that servant was killed for knowing too much. Probably why he got tossed into that cage or whatever..."
"Well, perhaps he told Master something while they were together," Artesia postulated. "We should go and ask her..."
Back inside, Haruhi just shook her head in response to her servant's inquiry. "Sorry, he was more focused on putting a stop to Kingprotea... he mentioned something about a 'godforsaken cow', though..."
"Yes, Andersen said something to that effect to me as well," Tristan nodded. "But, you all returned before he could extrapolate any further... clearly he did not mean an actual cow, which means it was a derogatory nickname of some sort..."
"Well, when someone uses the term 'cow', they're usually referring to a woman's large breasts..." Haruhi pondered.
Immediately everyone turned to look at Passionlip... "Huh...?! Wait, why are you looking at me?! I d-didn't do anything!"
"It's not Lip," Ritsuka stated firmly. "She was being controlled, remember?"
"Are you so certain about that?!" Arnold shot back. "How do you know they're not just stringing you along for their own amusement?!"
"Well, who knows, I could be doing that," Meltryllis taunted. "You really have no reason to trust me..."
"You haven't led us wrong yet," Ritsuka countered. "You could have easily killed me when we were alone together, but you didn't. That's proof enough for me."
"Ah..." Melt's face colored at this, averting her gaze.
"Hee hee, you really like him, huh?" Passionlip teased.
"Enough," Artesia cut in, "Infighting isn't going to get us anywhere. I think it's obvious that this 'cow' that Andersen referred to is someone we have yet to meet. Someone who is likely manipulating BB's actions from behind the curtain."
"I agree, my- (ahem) Artesia," Gawain concurred. "For now, we should renew our search for the planetarium..."
"There were a few areas on the back side that were locked by gate keys," Emiya Alter stated. "Which is why my search was fruitless. Hopefully some of those keys are on sale now..."
"So you're just going to keep playing along with their game?!" Arnold said in anger.
"Not like we have a choice right now," Ritsuka pointed out. "Look, we're all a bit stressed, so how about we humans get some sleep?"
"Y-you're sure one of th-those tentacles won't t-try to skewer us again?!" Mable stammered.
"Fear not, for we shall keep a look out for any more sneak attacks!" Gawain proclaimed.
"But the Alter Egos should stay outside, since we cannot fully trust them," Artesia asserted. "Is that acceptable, Beckman?"
"...Well, at least ONE of you has some rationality," Arnold sighed, before heading upstairs, Mable following at a distance.
"C'mon, Lip, let's go," Meltryllis sighed, moving towards the entrance.
"C-coming! Um, excuse me..." Passionlip grunted as she slowly followed, making sure not to touch anything with her claws, the others giving her a wide berth...
*A short time later...*
(Bleh, since I took a catnap with Tamamo Cat earlier, I can't sleep,) Haruhi mused as she turned over. (Especially since Kyon's not here...) She felt her heart ache at that thought. With a sigh, she rose off her futon, walking over to the nearby window... Looking out, she could see Meltryllis and Passionlip discussing something, though she couldn't hear what they were saying... Then she saw the two gently thump their foreheads together.
Smiling, Haruhi decided to teleport down to them, though she still kept a respectful distance. Still she could tell that Lip's face was one of concern, mixed with happiness... She then caught Melt saying something about 'Palladion', though she had no idea what the Alter Ego meant by that... Then Lip noticed Haruhi standing there, raising up a claw and waving.
"Huh?" Melt turned to see Haruhi. "I thought you were sleeping! Were you eavesdropping?!"
"I didn't hear anything, I promise," Haruhi shook her head as she walked up to them. "I wouldn't intrude on a private conversation between sisters... but that was just so adorable, the way you thumped your heads together like that! I'm guessing that's how you show affection, since you can't really hug or anything..."
Lip giggled at hearing this, though Melt just rolled her eyes and said, "What we were doing was transferring data. I was just updating Lip on the situation..."
"Yes, and I want to do all I can to help!" Passionlip asserted. "I-I never would have attacked you like that earlier if I hadn't been controlled, so please, let me make it up to you!"
"Aw, that's so sweet of you!" Haruhi gushed, moving to wrap her arms around the Alter Ego's neck... but as she approached her chest she suddenly felt like she was falling, finding herself in a vast, empty space! "Huh?!"
("Oh no! Hold on, I'll get you out!") Passionlip's voice echoed through the space... Abruptly Haruhi was back in reality, sitting on the floor in front of the Alter Ego. "Um, my chest is actually a large waste disposal area... Th-that's why you shouldn't touch me, Suzumiya! I-I'm really sorry for that!"
"Just be glad she knows how to get people out of there now," Meltryllis taunted, "or you'd be falling forever!"
The reality warper shook her head to regain her senses, slowly rising back to her feet. "Trash and Crash... so, you're basically a living garbage compactor, huh?"
"Um, something like that..." Lip looked down in shame. "I'm really sorry..."
"I forgive you," Haruhi assured her. "It was kinda my fault anyway. I'll be more careful next time. So don't feel too bad, okay?"
"Th-thank you..." Lip nodded gratefully.
"Anyway, you should go back and get some sleep," Melt suggested."Running from Protea couldn't have been a pleasant experience, after all..."
"Um, why was she trying to kill you, anyway?" Lip asked curiously.
"Long story short, an alien I've faced in the past woke her up and compelled her to kill me," Haruhi summarized. "Don't worry, if that Kuyou tries anything again, I'll make her pay, big time. At least now I'm starting to understand why Yuki didn't want to come along..."
"Yuki...?" Meltryllis raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, Nagato Yuki. She's basically an interface for an alien supercomputer, a hacker to end all hackers. That's why I thought something this would be right up her alley... but that other alien, Kuyou Suou, is practically kryptonite to her, if you get my meaning."
"...I see," Melt's face turned contemplative. "So that's why... (ahem) I mean, I'm sure she wouldn't have let you come here if she didn't think you were capable of handling the situation..."
"Maybe we can meet her when this is all over?'" Passionlip suggested hesitantly.
"We'll see what happens," Haruhi replied with a smile, before yawning. "Oh, good, I think I'll be able to sleep now. Good night, you two."
"Good night," the Alter Egos said as Haruhi walked off.
*To be continued...*
