Fate/Kyon's Order: The Return

A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover

by Derald Snyder

Part 23: The Last Sentinel

*Dorsal Plane*

"Unlimited Lost Works." The mana bullet pierced through the insane Julius Caesar, the fat saber soon ripped apart by several swords that pierced outward from his body, thankfully fading away soon afterward.

"Eww!" Haruhi grimaced at the gory scene. "I think I prefer Cat clawing the enemy to pieces instead! Good thing I don't have a weak stomach." As for Ritsuka, he had simply covered his eyes when he realized what was about to happen.

"Messy or not, it gets the job done," Emiya Alter asserted as he reloaded his gun. "I'm not here to make friends."

"Well, Cat and Lip seem to get along well," Haruhi turned to the servants in question...

"You really think you could teach me to cook?" Passionlip asked hopefully.

"Well, I can try! Though it'll be a little tricky with your hands..." Cat replied, now clad in her maid uniform. "Good thing I'm a master chef, like any good housewife should be! Woof!"

"The original Tamamo wasn't a bad cook, either," Haruhi mused.

"Yeah, but stupid me is stupid! She got to be halfway decent because she took Beni-Enma's cooking class, but she wussed out halfway through!"

"Beni-Enma?" Ritsuka asked.

"Yeah, she's an Enma, she judges people's souls in the afterlife! But she also runs a big inn in the spiritual realm! Even servants from the Throne of Heroes can visit that place anytime!"

(Sounds like her cooking class is a literal Hell's Kitchen...) Haruhi thought to herself.

"Anyway, aren't we getting distracted here?" Artesia spoke up. "Meltryllis, is Suzuka the last Sentinel here?"

"Yeah, she should be," the Alter Ego nodded. "And we'll need the key to her heart, like we did with Lip..."

"Looks like it's on sale now," Ritsuka confirmed as he looked over the list of shop items.

"Yeah, but I had to get shot by Edgemiya!" Tamamo Cat complained. "I mean, yeah, it worked, but it still hurt!"

"Not that I expect gratitude or anything, but sheesh," Emiya Alter sighed. "So where do you think Suzuka is holed up at?"

"The spine," Melt replied. "Right in the center of everything."

"Grr, I'm fixing to maul that faux fox!" Cat growled.

"She's not a fox?" Ritsuka asked. "Those ears seemed real to me..."

"Oh, they're good imitations, but that's all they are! Same with the tail, it's not even fluffy enough!" Cat pointed out.

"Hey, that's right! So she IS a fake! Bleh, fake high school girl, and a fake fox girl! Anything real about this servant?!" Haruhi said. "Well, her sword skills, obviously, but..."

"We're getting sidetracked here," Artesia spoke up. "We need to get moving. We shouldn't keep Sir Gawain and Sir Tristan waiting..."

"Right," the others agreed, moving on. But soon...

"What, another gate key required?! Meltryllis complained. "Dammit, BB, we don't have time for this!" Just then a holoscreen popped up, but instead of BB, it was...

"-There! I got it working! Hello Masters, do you copy?!" Arnold Beckman's image appeared.

"I didn't know the sanctuary had a comm terminal," Haruhi said.

"I had Gawain and Tristan bring some equipment over from the Command Room," Arnold explained. "Look, have you taken care of the Sentinel yet?! We've only got about fifteen real-world minutes, or twenty-five hours left before we all get crushed! I gotta get out of here to submit my report, you know!"

"We're working on it," Ritsuka replied.

"Yeah, don't get your underwear in a bunch! We'll get this done soon enough!" Haruhi yelled.

"Hey, I'm technically your superior here, so don't talk to me like that!" Arnold shot back. "Honestly, what were they thinking, making someone like you a Master?!"

"I just happened to have 100% rayshift compatibility, that's what!" Haruhi retorted smugly. "And Ritsuka here's got more experience than any other Master put together! You should be flattered that Chaldea sent the cream of the crop to help you!"

"I'll take that with a grain of salt," Arnold muttered. "Well, whatever, just hurry up and get it done! I figured out where the planetarium is-"

"Actually, I did that..." Mable spoke up.

"Shut it, Mable! Anyway, once the Sentinel is done, head to the back and turn SERAPH over. That should put you beneath the Command Room, where the planetarium mostly likely is. So hurry up!" The transmission then cut off.

"Not like we weren't doing that anyway..." Emiya Alter muttered. "That guy really is just another cog in the machine, isn't he. Alright, let's hurry up and get the Sakura Money for the gate key..."

"What is Sakura Money, anyway?" Ritsuka asked.

"Oh, it's just like your QP, just stuff laying around that BB decided to rename," Meltryllis explained. "It would be reabsorbed into SERAPH if we didn't do anything..."

"But what would she need it for? Unless she needs resources to try and build something..." Haruhi pondered.

"We can worry about that later," Artesia insisted. "That Beckman was right about one thing, we need to make haste!"

"He's such a jerk, though! I'm gonna squeeze some sense into him when I see him again!" Passionlip complained.

"Um, you'd probably squeeze more out of him than into him, Lip..." Melt sighed. "You're still kind of an airhead when it comes to your own strength..."

"No I'm not! You're the airhead for even saying that!" Lip protested.

"Fine then. I'm an airhead. How about we just leave him in a dangerous place overnight or something, then? That'll scare him straight..."

"You two are really close, aren't you," Ritsuka said with a smile.

"Oh yeah," Haruhi nodded. (I wish we could take them back with us, but... I don't know how well they would fit in at Chaldea... I wish you were here, Yuki, you'd know what to do...)

*Some intense grinding and a gate key later...*

"Well, there you are! I was getting totes bored waiting for you all to show up!" Suzuka greeted the party. "I am so hype right now! Got my ass-kickin' shoes on, and a bunch of fresh asses in need of kickin'!"

"I'm sure you are, you faker!" Haruhi yelled.

"Faker?!"

"Yeah, fake fox ears and tail, fake high school girl, I bet even your Master is fake!" Tamamo Cat taunted.

"What?! Hey, I'm no rogue servant! My Master is totally real!" Suzuka shot back.

"But you said you've never seen him," Ritsuka pointed out.

"Well... you're right. I've never seen or met him. But, I totally heard a voice calling out to me from the throne! A voice pleading to me to save him! How could I not answer a call like that?" Suzuka stated. "That's why... that's why I have to win this Holy Grail War! To take out the last servants here! Although, I guess that Archer is the only one that really counts... But I can totes handle him after I kill all of you!"

"And it never occurred to you, even once, that BB suckered you?" Haruhi sighed. (Totally something Kyon would say...)

"Yeah right! If I was a sucker, then why would BB give me, ME a Sentinel job after Melt rebelled? Not to mention the strongest Karmaphage! SO not logical for me to be a sucker with all that, right? Eh, whatevs. Let's get it on!" With that she charged at the party, Artesia barely parrying her strike!

"Try to pin her down!" Ritsuka ordered. The servants promptly moved to surround her, only to have to parry her two floating swords as Suzuka herself danced away!

"She's too fast! I can't catch her with my Trash and Crash!" Passionlip cried in dismay.

"Shiki, now! You're up!" Haruhi called.

"Right!" The assassin appeared as if from nowhere, Her eyes glowing blue as she slashed at Suzuka with her knife!

"OW! What the hell?! Where'd you come from?! That actually hurt!" Suzuka cried, her shirt having a cut with a little blood seeping through.

"Damn, even cutting her death line doesn't work with this Karmaphage!" Shiki growled in frustration.

"Death line?! Ooh, was this Assassin your awesome trump card? Too bad, so sad! I'm totes not gonna fall for that again!" Suzuka taunted as she dashed away-

Only for someone to catch her from behind in a full nelson! "Gotcha!" Haruhi grunted.

"What the-?! How did you-?! Leggo of me!" Suzuka cried as she struggled. Her two floating katana moved to skewer the brunette, only for Artesia and Emiya Alter to parry them before they reached their target!

"Now, Ritsuka!" Haruhi cried.

"Right!" the young Master nodded, taking the key to Suzuka's heart in hand, running up to the restrained saber...

"H-hey! What are you doing?! D-don't put your hand on my chest, pervert!" Suzuka cried, trying to break free to no avail. "Wait, no, forget that! Don't look into my heart! Don't make all my embarrassing girly secrets all public knowledge! Noooooo!" She wailed as the code cast made contact with her chest...

*One instantaneous mental battle later...*

"Ugh..." Suzuka groaned as she slid to the floor, her Karmaphage having dissipated for good. "It's over, it's all over...! My heart's been opened and broken, by a left-swipe...! I'm just gonna die... I'm just gonna fade away right here!" She cried as she began to glow... only for Haruhi to smack her upside the head!

"Stop that. Don't be such a drama queen," the reality warper sighed. "Honestly, you lose one fight and you decide to commit seppuku? Really?"

"I've got nothing left to live for! I lost the Grail War, I couldn't get a boyfriend, and I totes flunked at serving my Master!" Suzuka lamented loudly.

"...I know how you feel," Shiki said quietly.

"What?! Don't gimme that BS! You're an Assassin, I'm a Saber! We're totes different from each other! How could you understand?!" Suzuka protested.

"To be unable to find your one true love," Shiki replied. "Back in Japan, there was a man whom I couldn't live without... who was always there for me, even at my worst... And then one day, I woke up here, without any explanation. I heard about a Holy Grail War, where the winner got their heart's desire granted... So I began cutting down servant after servant, program after program, in hopes that I would be able to go back home. And then... I got thrown into the Cage of the Fallen. 'Sorry, but you don't count as a real servant, 'cause you don't have a Master, so into the garbage pile with you!' I had been denied my one chance of returning home, apparently on a whim, because I didn't follow the rules, even though I had no idea what the rules even were..."

"Shiki..." Haruhi said. "I... I had no idea..."

"Wait a sec! So BB just threw you away on a whim?! Even though your desire was genuine?! That's totes unfair!" Suzuka yelled in disbelief. "Arrgh, why did she make ME a Sentinel and not you?! I mean, you managed to hurt me even WITH my KP! If you'd been a Sentinel, you'd have been unstoppable!"

"Now are you starting to see why I rebelled against BB to begin with?" Meltryllis deadpanned.

"I totes am! She had no right to crush your hopes and dreams like that, Shiki!" Suzuka cried as she jumped back to her feet, the glow fading. "To heck with this! I'll be a delinquent, too, cause the principal of this establishment is totally outta touch with the students! Saber, Suzuka Gozen, at your service!"

"Great. Another servant with an annoying personality," Artesia sighed. "As if Cat wasn't bad enough..."

"I know how you feel, believe me," Emiya Alter concurred. "But, beggars can't be choosers..."

But just then, an earthquake was felt throughout the area! "What's going on?" Ritsuka cried.

"No! This is...!" Before Meltryllis could finish that sentence, she was thrown into the air as a dark-colored pillar with several red eyes erupted from the ground!

"Look out! It's a demon god pillar!" Ritsuka cried.

"Ahhhhhh!" Meltryllis cried as she went careening over a nearby cliff!

"MELT!" Passionlip cried in distress...

*To be continued...*