Fate/Kyon's Order: The Return
A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover
by Derald Snyder
Part 26: BB Channel, Off The Air
*Central Core*
"What the..." Ritsuka said as the party entered, seeing purple everywhere. "This is the studio where BB does her broadcasts?!"
"Ugh, how tacky, though!" Suzuka griped.
"I agree!" Haruhi nodded. "Waaaaay too much pink and purple! You need some blues and whites to balance it out!"
"Ugh, we're at the final fight, and you choose THAT to complain about?!" BB's voice echoed nearby, the AI herself walking into view a moment later.
"This Cat smells a small studio construction budget!" Tamamo Cat taunted.
"OMG, awkward... so sorry, BB! I'm like, obviously on Ritsuka's side now! We're not going to hold back, so... Good luck~!" Suzuka Gozen grinned savagely.
"Mother... no, BB! Even setting aside the fact that I already have GREAT resentment for you, this time you've really crossed the line!" Passionlip shouted.
"Wha... Even my meek and timid Alter Ego, who obeyed every order I ever gave, has turned on me? I am shocked! Shocked, I tell you! Shocked to the very core of my being!" BB gasped overdramatically. "And entering a girl's room without knocking?! This is beyond the pale, Senpai!"
"Your fault for leaving the door unlocked!" Haruhi shot back. "Black Blossom, it's time for your petals to be plucked, your stem to be pruned, and for your roots to rot away!"
"OMG, cheesy much, Suzumiya?" Suzuka groaned. "I totes coulda come up with something better than that!"
"Oh, fine then! I see how it is!" BB pouted. "Let's just get down to it! I accept your challenge, Senpai! Hehehe, are you sure this is what you want, though? I won't go easy on you!"
"Shut your mouth and bring it!" Haruhi cut her off, leaping at her with a flying kick!
(Music- 'BB Channel FGO')
BB barely ducked the sudden attack, only for Tamamo Cat to rush in and slam her with an uppercut! She managed to recover and roll away, however... "Right out the gate, huh? Okay then, my turn! Get 'em, Shadow Berserkers!" Immediately three black shadows materialized, rushing at the party!
"Oh no you don't!" Suzuka cried as she parried a berserker's strike, though it took all three of her katanas to stop the attack.
"Argh!" Gawain and Artesia grunted as they crossed their blades to stop another berserker's strike, only for the third to come at them from behind-
"Die!" The third berserker was suddenly smashed aside by Passionlip's claw! "I can't fight BB, but minions are fair game!" With that, she launched one of her claws like a rocket fist, knocking the first berserker off Suzuka and slamming it into the wall, destroying it instantly!
"You naughty girl!" BB grunted as she grappled with Haruhi. "Punish her, berserkers!" The remaining two broke off their earlier targets to attack Lip, Who managed to block one with her remaining claw, only to get struck down by the other! But then Tamamo Cat struck back with an overhead slash!
"No harming my new friend!" Cat yelled as she slashed wildly, the shadow berserker faltering and then falling to pieces, dissolving into 1s and 0s! Meanwhile, the last berserker was caught off guard by Artesia and Gawain, getting its arms chopped off, Suzuka then rushing in and cutting off its head!
"Your shadow servants leave a lot to be desired!" Haruhi taunted as she slammed BB to the floor with a one-arm shoulder throw. "Even the ones in the Cage of the Fallen were- oof!" she grunted as BB tripped her and sent her to the floor before righting herself!
"Don't get too cocky~" the AI taunted, easily pirouetting away from from Artesia and Gawain's retaliation. Suzuka then sent her two floating katana at the moon cancer, though they only managed to cut a few tears in her jacket. BB then struck back with a Sakura Beam that Suzuka easily flipped away from! Sensing something, BB immediately whirled to avoid a surprise attack from Shiki, though the woman managed to compensate and change direction, slashing with her knife and drawing a little blood! "Owie! You should have stayed in the garbage pile, you trash!"
"I'll show you who's trash!" Shiki hissed as her eyes glowed blue- but her knife was improbably halted by BB's riding crop! "What?!"
"Like I'd allow you to cut my death lines!" BB snarked, before striking the assassin twice over with her crop and kicking her away! But then Haruhi grabbed her from behind and flipped her head over heels, smacking her head into the floor! "Argh! Learn your place, you stupid insignificant human!" BB growled, her eyes red with anger as she rolled and flipped away from the brunette, blasting another Sakura Beam at Haruhi, who simply tanked the attack with crossed arms before her face! "What?! How could you survive that?!"
"My Master has abilities unlike anything you've ever seen!" Artesia asserted, blasting dark energy from her free hand and catching BB off-guard, scoring a hit! Tamamo Cat then rushed in and hit the AI with a full-contact body slam, sending her into a nearby camera and breaking it!
"Argh! Do you know how costly some of this equipment is?!" BB complained, blasting Cat away with a magical 'B'!
"Tell us why we should care!" Gawain called out as he went for a jumping slash, only to barely miss as BB rolled away! He then lashed out with his foot, scoring a glancing blow! The moon cancer righted herself, casting another magic 'B', the Knight of the Round jumping and rolling to evade!
"My turn!" Suzuka Gozen cried, sending her two floating katana at the AI, who managed to deflect one with a roundhouse, the other only catching her jacket! The saber herself then rushed in with several precision slashes, doing only negligible damage, other than a few tears in her jacket.
"Why? Why is it always the jacket?!" BB complained as she kicked Suzuka away, only to get kicked herself in the back by Haruhi! The AI lashed out with her riding crop, but only hit empty air!
"Yoo-hoo! Over here!" Haruhi waved from the other side of the studio, standing next to Ritsuka. But before BB could react, Haruhi was suddenly in her face, catching her in the chin with a high kick, then teleporting away before she could retaliate! The three sabers then came at BB from different directions, but she jumped into the air, then spun away ballerina-style, three swords clanging against each other!
"Gotcha!" Tamamo Cat declared as she leapt into the air, coming down on BB with claws extended, the downward slash sending the moon cancer to the floor, splayed in a heap! Gawain attempted to finish her with a jump and downward stab, but she rolled aside at the last moment, kicking the blond servant in the face for his trouble! Shiki attempted she same, but BB tripped her and sent her crashing into Gawain, sending them both to the ground!
"You all lack coordination!" BB taunted as she righted herself once more, easily dancing away from Artesia's attempted follow-up. Suzuka's katanas then flew in to try and catch her off guard, but BB easily used them as stepping stones to launch herself in the air, coming down on the faux fox girl with a falling ax kick!
"Gah! Totes not fair to use my swords like that!" Suzuka complained.
"You do it all the time~," BB taunted, "so why can't I?" But then she was caught off guard by Haruhi elbowing her in the right breast, her face seizing up in pain from the attack! Haruhi then kneed her in the stomach, following up with an uppercut, then a roundhouse that sent the AI tumbling! "Ow, you're brutal!"
"Now you know how Kuyou Suou felt!" Haruhi ribbed, teleporting to evade a Sakura Beam. BB then conjured several magic B's, only for Haruhi to easily teleport away from each one!
"Too predictable, Suzumiya!" BB suddenly grinned, having analyzed the reality warper's teleporting pattern... when Haruhi next appeared, she was suddenly caught in a cherry blossom-shaped targeting reticule!
"What the heck?!" Haruhi cried as she was unable to teleport again. (She figured me out that quick?! Geez, no wonder Yuki deferred...!)
"You're all mine now~" BB gloated as she suddenly transformed into a sexy nurse's outfit, wielding a giant medical syringe! "Now please take this lethal injection! Cursed Cupid Cleanser!"
"MASTER!" Artesia cried in distress, some unseen force preventing her and the others from reaching Haruhi!
But before the needle could make contact, Haruhi suddenly managed to catch the pointed end in her hands, albeit getting pushed back a ways. "No... you... don't!" she growled, letting out a feral cry as she shoved downward, the syringe breaking apart on contact with the floor, it's contents spilling everywhere, sizzling like corrosive acid!
"What?! How could you stop my Noble Phantasm?!" BB cried in shock.
"You won't stop THIS Noble Phantasm!" Artesia cried in rage, darkness engulfing her entire being! "Excalibur... MORGAN!"
"Ahhhhh!" BB cried as she was nailed dead-on... when the wave of darkness faded, the AI was trying desperately to cling to whatever shreds of clothing she had left! "How could you strip me naked like this?! Have you no sense of-" She was unable to finish before both Gawain and Suzuka ran her through from behind!
"Modestly matters little when you're dead!" Gawain declared. "You have lost, Black Blossom! Now return to whatever computer spawned you, and trouble us no more!"
"Yeah! Like, what he said!" Suzuka grinned in triumph.
"Ugh..." BB slid to the floor bonelessly. "Fine... you got me. But this SUCKS, losing in such humiliating fashion! So, let me at least get the last word: don't you dare think you've won, Suzumiya!" With that, she faded into golden dust.
"Did we... beat her?" Ritsuka asked, having covered his face to avert seeing BB's nude form. But then, everything suddenly went dark, as if the lights had been switched off! "What the-?!"
"Hey! Who turned out the lights?!" Haruhi cried rhetorically.
"Argh! Darkness! Darkness that blinds even my cat eyes!" Tamamo Cat yelled.
"Sounds seems to be muffled as well..." Gawain observed.
"Ouch! Hothothot! Okay, like which one of you geniuses lit a fire by my tail?!" Suzuka protested.
"Gather together, everyone!" Ritsuka called out with every bit of volume he could muster... but then, three reports were heard, Ritsuka hearing something deflecting the shots away from him! "Whoa, thanks!"
"That surprise attack! I knew it! Show yourself, Demon God Pillar!" Passionlip called out. The darkness slowly lifted, revealing a sight no one was prepared to see...
"Look! Along the walls! Are those caskets?!" Gawain realized.
"There's... small children inside of them..." Artesia's eyes went wide. Even in her blackened state, the Once and Future King of England was horrified at the implications...
"So many coffins..." Ritsuka looked like he was about to throw up, Tamamo Cat speechless beside him.
"...Of course. So that's what's been powering SERAPH this whole time," Suzuka said in a calm voice, quite unlike how she had acted before. "To summon 128 servants, of course you would need 128 Masters." Her eyes showed an anger that none had glimpsed before in the saber. "I never knew my Master. I never knew what became of the one who had summoned me. But now I know! You have some explaining to do, Archer!"
"Archer...?" Haruhi's eyes went wide as Emiya Alter came out of the shadows. However, he now had several golden scars laced all over his face and exposed upper torso.
"Sh-Shirou...?!" Artesia took a step back in shock.
"Don't be fooled, my liege! Something's not right with him!" Gawain immediately moved to protect his king.
"...This is the heart of Seraphix: Celestial Body Simulator, System Animusphere," Emiya Alter said in a strange monotone. "This is where the Master candidates met their end. The Demon God Pillar used them to summon the servants, once it learned of the existence of this abandoned planetarium. Oh, how it must have laughed, being able to use THIS, of all places... No matter how long it's been since they died, as long as their magic circuits were intact... Countless times, again and again without end, until you arrived."
"Holy shit..." Haruhi shuddered, trying hard to keep a lid on her boiling emotions. (There is no anger, there is only peace... There is no anger, there is only peace...)
"But it's over now. I just destroyed the power source. These Masters can finally rest in peace. Now all that is left is to... destroy all witnesses... all of you... must die..." Emiya Alter was suddenly engulfed in a black miasma... but before he could attack, someone else walked on the scene!
"Hi there, I'm back!" Robin Hood announced. "Hey... hold on! What's going on here?! And what's with this guy?!"
"I'll explain later, Robin!" Passionlip responded. "For now, give us a hand!"
"Just know that BB's reign as game master has ended!" Haruhi added, grateful for the brief distraction. "All that's left is the Demon God that summoned her and all the other servants!"
"Seriously?! Ugh, she would ditch me while I was out doing errands..." Robin Hood sighed and shook his head. "Alright, let's do this! Archer, Robin Hood, ready to rumble!"
"...Die." Emiya Alter said as he raised his gun, and opened fire.
*To be continued...*
