Fate/Kyon's Order: The Return
A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover
by Derald Snyder
Epilogue: Return to Chaldea
*Mission Control, Finis Chaldea*
"Oh, hello there, Ritsuka, Suzumiya," Leonardo Da Vinci nodded to the two masters, Yuki and the others standing behind them. "Come to think of it, how long have you been standing there?"
"Uh..." Ritsuka began. "What about Seraphix and BB?"
"Seraphix? You mean the oil rig? It was shut down and dismantled at the beginning of the year. I'm surprised you knew about it," Da Vinci replied.
"What?! But..." the young Master was stopped by a hand on his shoulder, turning to see Yuki subtly shaking her head, then gesture to the hallway.
"Well, if anything happens, let us know," Emiya spoke up. "I need to get back to the kitchen..."
"As do I! I'm not letting that fake Cat show me up!' Tamamo-no-mae exclaimed.
"No fighting in the kitchen. Save it for the simulation room," Emiya warned her as they left together. A few seconds later, Gudako came running in.
"I'm here!" the redhead exclaimed. "Er, but why am I here...? Was there an alert or something?"
"No alerts here. Situation normal!" Da Vinci exclaimed.
"Maybe you were hearing things?" Mash suggested. "Oh, Senpai, you look pretty tired. You should lay down and rest..."
"Uh, yeah, I will," Ritsuka nodded. "Come on, Haruhi, Yuki."
"Right," Haruhi nodded as they left together. "Gudako, maybe you should go to Nightingale and have your ears checked."
"Maybe I should," Gudako shook her head...
*A few minutes later...*
"So, it's like the singularity never happened?" Ritsuka summarized.
"Yes. That is why Da Vinci and Mash do not remember the initial encounter with Black Blossom-san," Yuki confirmed. "Also, those who perished when the oil rig was digitized have returned to life as well, save Kiara Sessyoin."
"And to think she was only half of Beast III... I don't wanna imagine what the other half is like," Haruhi shook her head.
"The IDSE has detected no imminent manifestations of Evils of Humanity at this time," Yuki assured her. "I will inform you if the situation changes."
"I'm surprised your fellow aliens are so interested in preserving humanity," Nero commented.
"More like it's ME they're interested in preserving, more than anything," Haruhi shrugged.
"Yo, there you are, Haruhi. Where have you been?" a familiar voice called out, casuing the brunette to stop short... sure enough, her fiancee approached them from the other end of the hallway.
"Kyon..." Haruhi trailed off.
"What's up, chief?" Kyon asked... then his eyes went wide, halting abruptly. "Uh oh. I know that look..." Before he could make a move to retreat, he found himself shoved into the wall, Haruhi kissing him passionately, desperately...
"Oh my~!" Nero gasped and blushed. "P-perhaps you should take this to your private chambers?"
"Good idea," Haruhi gasped as she broke off. "Let's go, Kyon." With that, the lovers teleported away.
"Ah... how wonderful for Master to have such a lover," Asagami sighed, blushing. "I really hope Ryougi-san from SERAPH made it back to her lover..."
"Hmm, but Shiki from here wants to go back to her time too," Ritsuka pointed out. "But Da Vinci doesn't know how to do that... Neither did Dr. Roman, for that matter..."
"Oh, dear. I hope our Shiki doesn't take it too hard, then," Asagami lamented.
"Perhaps Suzumiya-san could take Ryougi-san with her when she goes back home to visit," Yuki suggested.
"Oh, that would work! I'm sure she'd feel better," the esper nodded in agreement... only to cry out as she suddenly collided with something large and firm, bouncing off and falling to the floor! "Wh-what was that... oh, my poor eyesight failed me again..."
"Um... it might have been my Presence Concealment, actually," a cute voice replied.
"EH?!" Nero's jaw dropped upon seeing Passionlip standing there, Violet beside her! "Wh-what are you two doing here?!"
"We never said farewell, remember?" Violet said with a knowing smirk.
"I helped bring them here to Chaldea," Yuki admitted.
"What?! Wh-why didn't you tell me?!" Nero whirled on the alien. "I would have liked to know beforehand! Does that mean BB is here as well?!"
"She is," Violet confirmed. "Mother said she wanted to check out technology from 2019..."
"Um, Nagato said that Mother has to behave herself while she's here, or she'll get penalized!" Passionlip asserted. "S-so hopefully she won't be too much trouble..."
"Ohh... I feel a migraine coming on..." Nero groaned as she rubbed her temples.
*Kyon's Room, a half hour later*
Kyon panted heavily as he lay next to Haruhi in bed, nothing covering their bodies but a bedsheet. "Yare, yare... what brought that on...?"
"Sorry, Kyon... had a lot of stress to release..." Haruhi panted, sweating slightly with an open-mouthed smile.
"What stress...?" Kyon groaned as he sat up, the bedsheet still covering his lower half. "Wasn't Valentine's Day enough for you?"
"Huh...? Oh, right," Haruhi shook her head. "Kyon, it might've been only half a day for you, but it's been over a week for me..."
"Nani?!" Kyon snapped to full awareness. "Oh, hell, another time loop...?"
"A really weird singularity," Haruhi explained, "Year inside, hour outside kinda stuff, you know? Not to mention a Beast of Humanity was involved..."
"A Beast?! The one that Nagato warned us about before we came here?"
"Yeah... she kinda helped me and Ritsuka out from behind the scenes, along with a few others... including this one really screwy AI..."
"Really? Did she make a bunch of bad puns, throw you into death traps and say the cake is a lie?" Kyon snarked.
"Bzzzzt! Wrong answer! Like you could ever compare ME to that silly video game AI who got turned into a potato!"
"What the hell?!" Kyon looked around.
"Oh no..." Haruhi groaned. "Don't tell me..."
"That's riiiight! Live from Chaldea, it's a brand-new season of... BB Channel~!"
(now hacking... now hacking...)
(OK!)
And just like that, BB was standing in the room with a shit-eating grin on her face. "Ta-daaaa! It's your favorite little devil kouhai, live and In. The. Flesh!"
"...okay, not what I was expecting," Kyon muttered. "Are you a servant, then?"
"We~ll, I can easily function as one if I so choose!" BB replied slyly. "You know, this is the first time I've manifested on the material plane... it's quite a unique experience, feeling the force of gravity keeping you glued to the ground! How do you mere humans handle this? Probably why you're so slow on foot, am I right?!"
"What are you doing here?!" Haruhi grunted as she sat up, holding the bedsheet over her chest. "And I mean HERE, in our room, while we're having an intimate moment!"
"Oh, cut me some slack! I let you finish, didn't I?!" BB pouted. "Honestly, is this the thanks I get for helping you kill that Beast thot?! You'd have been flailing around helplessly if I hadn't been there to guide you!"
"By forcing us to buy gate keys, you mean?"
"Hey! You know that Sakura Money was being put to good use!" the AI shot back. "But that's old news, and old news bores me. Instead, how about we interview the goddess' lover?" Scanning Kyon, she mused, "Hmm, a little on the scrawny side, but as long as he's got it where it cou- MMMPPH!" Suddenly a ball gag was in her mouth, her body bound by several coils of rope, BB falling on her side as she wiggled haplessly!
"Sorry, but I couldn't find the MUTE button," Haruhi quipped as she lowered her hand and opened her eyes.
"...This is gonna be a long story, isn't it?" Kyon sighed.
"Oh yeah," Haruhi nodded as she called her lover's boxers to her hand...
*In another timeline...*
"Shiki...?! Shiki, wake up!"
"...Nnnn?" Shiki's eyes blinked open seeing a man with light brown hair and glasses hovering over her. "Mi... Mikiya?!"
"Oh, thank goodness!" Mikiya sighed in relief. "You looked like you were having a nightmare, but I couldn't wake you up!"
"A nightmare..." Shiki sat up, realizing she was lying on her futon in her apartment. "But, it seemed so real..."
"And yet, here you are," Mikiya assured her. "That's the thing about nightmares... once you wake up, they're gone, because they never really happened."
"...Yeah." Shiki allowed herself a smile. At long last... she was finally home.
*Order Complete- Foundation Restored*
