Contrary to what biologists would have you believe, there are more than five senses. The discernment of the mood of a room is not a matter of scent, sight, sound, taste, or touch. Rather, it is something one experiences on an instinctual level. The pall of dread and the warmth of acceptance are both easier to experience than to explain. Likewise, the malice of barely-suppressed violence often prompts thinking with one's feet. Today, however, the hesitance of bewilderment hung heavily.
Dan turned to Harry and asked with incredulity, "Did Sirius give you a pair of twins for a wedding present?"
"Early birthday present, actually," Harry replied.
"Woof!" Paddy agreed, wagging his tail.
"Good," Dan said sarcastically, "because it would have been in poor taste if they were a wedding present."
"Considering Hermione's supposed tastes, maybe not so much," Ted countered.
Dan winced, but said nothing, initiating a few minutes of silence where none of the males spoke, lest they provoke the wrath of the distaff side. While they were busy staring in the direction the women had disappeared, one of the twins began creeping steadily closer to the dining table, her eyes firmly fixed on the abandoned food.
Catching the movement out of the corner of his eye, Dan turned toward her. Taking in her determined look, he glanced at her sister and noted that she was also focused on the takeaway. "You can have some if you like," he said, startling the two out of their concentration. As one, they turned to stare at him hopefully. Giving a wan smile, Dan nodded his head and gestured at the table. "Have a seat."
The closer girl practically leapt into a chair. Showing a complete lack of concern, she grabbed the closest plate of half-eaten food and proceeded to display her qualifications for competitive eating. Meanwhile, her sister had crossed the distance to the table, doing her best to project an air of indifference, an act that was belied by her displaying an equal lack of finesse as she claimed Hermione's abandoned dinner.
"Haven't they been feeding you?" Harry asked, his face blank and unreadable.
Neither girl bothered to respond beyond shaking their heads as they continued to eschew both utensils and table manners.
"Here now." Dan took a step forward, causing both girls to pause and look up warily. "You need to slow down. If you haven't been eating properly, you'll just make yourself sick; scarfing it down like that. It would be better if you sipped some broth."
"You needn't worry about that." Ted put a hand on Dan's shoulder, gently tugging him backward. "Their magic can handle the stress. What we need to worry about is the fact that they're eating Chinese. It's a given that they'll be hungry again in an hour or so."
After swallowing what she had in her mouth, one of the twins said, "It's very good."
The other twin also swallowed before speaking. "To be fair, after the diet our aunt had us on, even liver and onions would taste great right now."
Active speech once more receded as the three males watched the girls demolish the food in front of them.
"So," Dan said after a bit. "How did you get dragged into this?"
The twins shared another look before one asked. "Dragged into what?"
"Becoming presents for Harry here," Dan clarified.
"The Blacks called due a large loan," the talkative twin said. "The way things stood, everything our family owned would have been forfeit. They offered us in exchange for leniency. So, here we are."
"Considering some of the wizards they were planning on marrying us off to when we graduated," the other twin added, "belonging to Harry Potter is a vast improvement over anything we could have hoped for."
As one, the two girls turned stoic gazes on the men to await their reply.
"And you're okay with this?" Dan prodded.
"Vast improvement," the twins stressed as one, in that way only twins could manage.
"This is wrong on so many levels; it beggars the mind," Dan stated.
"Would you like seconds?" Harry interjected pointing at the half-full containers of Chinese as he noted the girls' plates were empty. "We've plenty and can call out for more if you need."
One of the twins started to reach for a carton at those word, but the other twin placed a hand on her sister's out stretched appendage. "Are you not worried that if we eat too much, we'll become fat and unattractive?"
"You need to eat." Harry said firmly. "I don't care if you get fat; I refuse to let you go hungry."
"Afterwards, Harry can see to it that you are returned to your family." Dan added. "It's immoral to use daughters as coin."
The aloof look the girls had been maintaining broke as they gaped first at Dan before throwing terrified looks at Harry.
"Have we displeased you so much?" the first asked.
"We can do better," the second added with tears forming in her eyes. "Please don't send us back. We'd be crucioed for sure."
"Oh look," Dan grated. "Yet another level of wrongness."
Lying on Dora's bed, Harry contemplated the situation in which he currently found himself. The last two days had thrown more surprises his way than he thought he could handle. The amazing thing was that so many of them promised to be good surprises. Past experience had taught him that such things rarely happened to him. Yet here he was, far from the Dursleys' with the person he trusted most of all, snuggled against his side. He had never dared dream anything like this was remotely possible. True, there was the addition of Dora on his other side, but he suspected that he would come to trust her as much as he trusted Hermione. Besides, he found that he already liked her. Despite their rocky start, he could easily perceive the fun personality she possessed and readily displayed.
All in all, it was as if reality took a sharp left when his expectations told him that a right was due. The sudden inclusion of the twins only made it more so. Before the others had come back from comforting Dora, Ted and Dan had ferreted out some startling information from the two girls. Luckily, among the first were their names, which turned out to be Flora and Hestia. From there, a steady stream of just how bad their lives had been was brought to light. For them, appearance was everything. They had to appear thin or it was bread and water for them. They had to appear polite and deferential to their betters or there would be punishment that did nothing to fall short of torture. From what Harry could gather, they experienced summers that were worse than his own, only because the Dursleys couldn't perform the spells through which the twins had suffered. It was no surprise that they didn't want to go back. It was a surprise, however, that they were ecstatic to belong to him. Harry couldn't imagine belonging to anybody. Even his time with the Dursleys hadn't robbed him of that.
When it came time for the Grangers to go home, Hermione's father hadn't wanted to leave her behind. The opposition came from Emma, who insisted that they were going to resume their vacation the day after tomorrow, and it would be best to give Hermione some time with her new husband in what amounted to be a somewhat supervised environment. She had dragged her husband from the room to continue that conversation only to return a few minutes later with Dan surprisingly having given in to her demands. Though, at the time, Harry hadn't expected Hermione would be sharing the bed with Dora and himself.
Shortly after that, there had been a small amount of excitement heralded by Hedwig's arrival. She had borne a message from Professor McGonagall in which the woman had stated that the headmaster very strongly suggested that Harry should not change his electives, and, consequently, no changes to his schedule would be made at that time. Frowning, Andi had not taken the news well. Without a word, she had glided over to her writing desk and taken a quill in hand. After she had finished writing, she had then summoned an old house elf whom she instructed to go to the owl post office in Hogsmeade to expedite the appropriate response to Harry's request.
If the truth were told, Harry would have admitted to forgetting that he had sent Hedwig to Hogwarts with his request to change the electives he'd be taking the next year.
He hadn't been given much time to ponder that thought when the rough portion of the evening came. In hindsight, the grim look on Mrs. Tonks' face should have been a warning. Oblivious to what was coming, he and Hermione had followed Andi upstairs to the main bathroom. Dora made a weak argument that she should come along to help but her mother had advised her to spend some time with Ted. There had been the unspoken words that Dora deserved a break from the insanity for a bit. Yeah, that really should have been a warning as well, one he was sure that Hermione had caught onto. On the other hand, he had been to intent on worrying over Dora to notice. That didn't last long either as what came next was an experience that Harry would gladly pay good money to forget.
Harry now had the personal experience to know that purging potions were sickeningly sweet and tasted strongly of peppermint. They also made a mess; rather, they forced you to make a mess. Without a doubt, Andi had already burned the clothing he and Hermione had been wearing at the start of the ordeal, clothing which they had been too stubborn and embarrassed to remove. Andi had made some noises about it being proper for a married couple to see each other naked but she had relented after both of them had refused, their faces red from the chagrin. This only caused Andi to shrug before they were each handed a vial with the command to drink. As it turned out, taking off their clothes would have been a good idea. A little privacy, bibs, and diapers wouldn't have hurt either. It had been mortifying, to say the least, a truth that wasn't mitigated by Andi's insistence to keep an eye on the both of them as the potion ran its course.
At both ends, somehow, he ended up starkers in the tub with an equally starkers Hermione. They held each other shuddering as Andi rinsed them down with the showerhead. With a distant interest, Harry had been just coherent enough to realize that Andi was using her other hand to vanish the larger chunks using her wand. All in all, it had been a humiliating and traumatic trial that he never wanted to repeat. In fact, he would rather stop thinking about it all together.
Afterward, they had been ushered into Dora's room where the woman had been waiting on them. The last thing Harry remembered was being dumped into a pair of pajamas and told to get some sleep, something he must have accomplished because he had awakened sandwiched between his two wives, contemplating his predicament.
That is to say, he was married. He had two wives. He was lying in bed with said wives. And he had a dilemma, that dilemma being that he owned a pair of twins, and one of his wives did not approve. In fact, they had made her cry. Harry may not have known a lot about being married, but he was well aware that making one's wife cry was a bad thing. What was he going to do about it?
You know what? Andi wasn't the only one who could use an elf to make deliveries. After all he'd been advised to get in contact with Dobby. Hadn't he?
Professor Minerva McGonagall had risen early with the expectations of a very long day. Recent revelations had come with the promise of tasks needing to be done, and for once, the Ministry had responded in a timely manner. All of which meant more work for her and the rest of the staff, and there were preparations that had to be made before she even broke her fast.
What she hadn't been anticipating was the letter that had been waiting on her desk, obviously placed there by one of the elves. Its contents left her in a sour mood. Thus, when she approached the staff table for breakfast, she was more than willing to pass on the mood to the one whom she felt was the originator of her difficulties. Having just seated herself, she was about to do so when the headline of the already delivered "Daily Prophet" caught her attention. Apparently, she had spent more time in her office than she had realized, since the paper had arrived before her.
LORD SIRIUS BLACK PROVES INNOCENCE – DUMBLEDORE DOOMED?. Professor McGonagall pursed her lips at the bold print before picking up the newspaper to read the attached article.
In the early hours of the evening, this paper along with several other news outlets were surprised to receive an open letter dictated by the escaped prisoner Lord Sirius Black. After digesting the contents, we have decided to reprint it in its entirety before commenting.
Dear citizens of Magical Britain:
My name is Sirius Black, recently elevated to Lord Sirius Black of the House Black. Remember that, because it is very important. Not in the pompous, "I am a lord" sense. Rather it is an indication of the grave injustice perpetrated upon my person by several high-ranking personnel in the Ministry. As many of you already have guessed, I could not have claimed my lordship were I convicted and in the process of serving a lawful prison sentence. The fact that magic accepted my claim and granted me the lordship of my house proves that my incarceration was illegal, and those who perpetrated this travesty have yet to pay for their crimes.
By the time you read this letter, certified pensieve memories with my testimony to the identities of the perpetrators will be in the hands of the DMLE. Although many are guilty, I beseech that you bring the ringleader to justice. Albus Dumbledore is that menace, and he must be stopped before he harms another innocent. Do not be fooled by his grandfatherly demeanor. It was he who signed off on my incarceration. It is he who thwarted every effort to hold a trial. It is he who illegally claimed custody of Harry Potter against the last wishes of his parents. It is he who willfully ignored his duties as custodian, leaving Harry to be raised in squalor, ignorant of his magical birthright.
These are but the most egregious of his crimes against House Black and House Potter. Any of these alone would merit an extended stay in Azkaban. As citizens, it is both our right and our duty to see that he is brought to justice.
To that end, as the rightful guardian of Harry Potter, I hereby revoke all claims that Dumbledore has on the boy. Even now, the marriage contract that was signed in secret has been nullified. I further offer a bounty of 20,000 galleons for his capture and conviction.
Yours respectably: Lord Sirius Orion Black
Penned by Scribe Yellowfoot of the Goblin nation.
After that, the Prophet started its analysis of the missive, but Minerva lowered her paper to look around the table, noting who was absent with a frown. "Where is…" she started.
"He jumped up and rushed out of the room after reading the article," Filius Flitwick answered her half-asked question. "I imagine he wants to put out some fires." There was some disgust in the half-goblin's voice.
Minerva scowled as she nodded before taking another headcount. "Has anyone seen Severus?"
"It's not like him to be late." Pomona answered. "He did reply to the owl requesting his presence today; so, I expect he'll be along shortly."
"This day just keeps getting better and better." Minerva's lips were thin as she picked up her paper to finish the article. "I am going to have to convene the board of governors; there is a good possibility that we will be needing a new temporary headmaster. That's a headache I did not need on top of everything else."
Director Amelia Bones was walking the Ministry's atrium when one of the people on the list of individuals she really didn't want to encounter caught up with her. To be fair, it was a list that had grown significantly over the last couple of days, a result of the sudden increase in her workload, that, and she could sense that this encounter would be the onset of some rather nasty business.
"Good morning, Madam Bones," Andromeda Tonks said as she glided up, obviously intent on having an in-depth conversation.
"Good morning to you as well, Mrs. Tonks," Amelia replied, suppressing a sigh as she flicked her wand to create a privacy bubble.
"I have some information that I am sure you will find enlightening." Andromeda held up a scroll that bore the crest of Gringotts. "It turns out that Lucius has been using the Black slush fund to bribe the Minister."
"Of course, he has." Amelia let the sigh she had been holding turn into a feral grin. "Well now, if that isn't the icing on the cake."
"The goblins were kind enough to cross reference the dates of the monetary transfers with any unusual positions our esteemed Minister may have held."
"Oh? They are doing my work for me now?" Amelia said. "Normally I might take offense, but with everything that's been happening lately, any help is appreciated."
"Surely you can't be that busy," Andromeda said with a smile.
"You have no idea." Amelia grimaced. "Just yesterday, there was a major magical attack. We managed to keep it out of this morning's paper, but we know there has been a leak and it'll appear tomorrow."
"A major attack?" Andromeda asked. "On whom?"
"Several of our more prominent citizens. Quite a bit more than several if I'm being honest," Amelia said, somehow not seeming upset over what appeared on the surface to be horrifying news. "As far as we can tell, it was a single spell cast by a rather powerful and vengeful individual."
"Do tell," Andromeda prompted.
"The first sign of trouble was when the previously-mentioned individuals suddenly and inexplicably found that their right kneecap had been shattered."
"How did that happen?" Andromeda asked.
"I used the word 'inexplicably' for a reason." Amelia countered. "It kind of infers that we don't have an idea how it happened."
"No need to be cheeky about it." Andromeda flushed.
"Right now, I'll take my laughs where I can find them." Amelia said. "Anyways, while they were reeling in pain, their other knee received a similar treatment."
"Just shattered out of nowhere and no one saw what caused it?" Andromeda asked.
"As far as we can tell, it was happening all across the country, simultaneously," Amelia said. "This is supported by the fact that all the damaged received was identical, right down to the bone splinters."
"How awful," Andromeda said with mock sympathy.
"Our assailant wasn't satisfied with just the knees either." Amelia continued as if she hadn't been interrupted. "The victims all reported that they began to feel multiple blows landing all around their body in rapid succession. Every one of them had three broken ribs as well as two cracked along with a laundry list of other broken bones and bruises."
"A multiple of blows landing about their…. Oh!" Andromeda stopped mid-sentence as her eyes grew wide and her lips formed an O.
"Yeah, it is pretty much a given that he is responsible," Amelia said guessing at Andromeda's revelation. "The timing is perfect, and he's struck against everyone who got off with the imperius defense. Why else did you think I was talking to you about an ongoing investigation? He and his friends were notorious for pulling seemingly impossible stunts in their school days and now it looks like he's put some venom behind his pranks."
"Pranks?" Andromeda whispered.
"You're right. That word doesn't fit here. He's gotten serious." Amelia paused for a second. "I can't believe I just said that."
"We all do it from time to time," Andromeda said soothingly. "Think nothing of it."
Nodding her acceptance, Amelia continued. "The final blow was by far the most ferocious. Every single one of them has had their right testicle reduced to a bloody mess. And I'm not saying that as an expletive. They were pulped. St. Mungo's has managed to put all of the broken bones right, and I understand that they used more than half of their supply of skelgrow to do so, but they are currently unable to do anything about the testicles, and I have no idea how the women could be so afflicted."
Andromeda cringed as she let her imagination absorb that particular news.
"Whatever he's doing, it appears he's doing it through the dark mark," Amelia said. "As such, the current law dictates that the Unspeakables are forbidden from investigating. On the bright side, it has brought to light several individuals that we did not know were marked. Some in my own department and others as well."
"I can see how that is creating more work for you," Andromeda said sympathetically.
"As it stands, right now, the victims are all flinching at periodic intervals." Amelia said. "When there are more than one in the room, you can see they are doing it synchronously."
"Sounds torturous," Andromeda stated.
"Couldn't happen to a nicer lot," Amelia said. "And I will deny ever saying that."
"Say what?" Andromeda asked.
"So, if you see him or are able to send a message, please ask him to rein it in a little." Amelia frowned. "What with his last stunt of putting a bounty on the head of our sitting Chief Warlock, I don't want to know what is running through that man's head."
"He's basically declared a blood feud." Andromeda nodded. "What's happening along that front?"
"He had the goblins send us a copy of Harry Potter's medical report," Amelia said. "It more than justifies his actions and will see Dumbledore sacked from his tenure as headmaster before the day is out. We have laws prohibiting people who do things like that to children from holding positions of power over them."
"Dumbledore is slippery," Andromeda stated.
"Even so, I doubt he can hold on to that particular job," Amelia said. "With Lucius on the board of governors and having recently suffered an attack on his person, I think he will go all out to have Dumbledore removed even if the old man manages to squeeze out of formal charges."
"Lucius isn't on the board any longer." Andromeda said. "He got removed at the end of the last school year and since he was using the Black's seat on the board, I have paperwork that instates me in his stead. I will see that Dumbledore is removed."
"I see." Amelia nodded before changing the subject. "May I assume that you know where our young Mr. Potter is? He is not at the Leaky as was last reported and I know he has found himself attached to your daughter."
"He spent the night in Nymphadora's room," Andromeda said.
"Good. Good," Amelia said. "Even with magic validating the arrangement, it would be best if they consummate their relationship as quickly as possible. May I assume they already have?"
Andromeda shook her head. "I just managed to purge the anti-libido potions from his system last night. Give them some time and I'm sure he and his two wives will work that out for themselves. He is a healthy young man, after all."
"Two wives?" Amelia's eyebrows rose. "This is the first I'm hearing about that. Who's the other lucky woman?"
"One of his year mates." Andromeda said. "A lovely young woman by the name of Hermione, formally Granger."
"How'd he manage that?" Amelia queried.
"She's a bright one. She found a loophole."
"Slytherin by chance?" Amelia asked.
"Gryffindor."
"Sounds like she should have been sorted into Slytherin," Amelia insisted.
"From what I hear, most think she should have been a Ravenclaw."
"Ah." Amelia nodded. "That also works."
"We found him." Pomona said as she walked into the Great Hall to find Minerva going over the final details with the remaining professors and not a few Ministry personnel. "He fell down the stairs at his parent's house and his wand somehow managed to end up flung and landing on one of those little ledges above the doorframe. He couldn't get it down."
"Couldn't get it down?" Minerva repeated. "What'd he do? Break a leg?"
"Both kneecaps actually," Pomona corrected. "As well as some ribs and an assortment of other bones; from what I was able to tell. I'm no Pomfrey."
"That must have been one nasty tumble." Minerva winced "So, Severus won't be joining us anytime soon?"
"I took him to St. Mungo's." Pomona shrugged. "They said he'll be up and about by tomorrow."
Years of exposure had dulled Ted's reaction to hearing the sudden crack of apparition. "How'd it go?" he asked Andi as she walked into the room carrying a plastic bag.
"About as well as expected," Andi said, making a beeline for the basement door. "Amelia has been inundated with work, and this is just one more thing on her plate."
"I'm going to want details." Ted stood up and followed his wife.
"We'll talk over tea," Andi said, descending the stairs. "I've found out that our little project has had some side benefits."
"Side benefits?" Ted asked as he drudged down after.
"Well, definitive proof that it's doing some good as well as most likely hindering the dark lord," Andi said, reaching into her bag and retrieving a shiny new ice pick.
"Andi, you're not going to do what I think you are going to do are you?" Ted blanched.
*Thunk*
"Yup, you're going to do exactly what I was afraid you were going to do," Ted stated.
"I took care of his left side, I had to do the same to the right," Andi replied.
"That would have been his left you just took care of," Ted corrected.
"His left, my right. What does it matter?"
"You didn't even bother to remove the paper tag wrapped around the tip," Ted complained just as another drop of water exited the contraption hanging above the effigy, striking it just about where the bridge of its nose would be. "That'll be a paper cut for sure. Talk about adding insult to injury."
"All the better," Andi said striding over to the workbench. There, she reached to take the rubber mallet in hand, but changed her mind at the last second and choose the one with a brass head instead.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" Ted asked after watching Andi take a swing at the pseudo man's arm.
"It turns out that whatever we do to this thing is being transmitted to everyone bearing the dark mark." Andi brought the hammer down on the lowest part of the thing's leg, prompting her to wonder if she just took out some ankles or some feet.
"Everyone bearing a dark mark," Ted repeated, and the hammer came down somewhat higher on the same leg.
"I think it might be amplifying it somewhat," Andi confided. "Do you think you could have shattered a kneecap with a rubber mallet? Or break ribs for that matter?"
"I? what?" Ted stammered.
"Do you think the blows you struck yesterday would have broken bones," Andi repeated, attacking the other leg. "St. Mungo's is running low on skelgrow."
"I. I." Ted fought to catch his bearings. "That's hurting everyone with a dark mark?"
"Yes, as far as I can discern." The hammer found a forearm.
"Everyone?" Ted pressed.
"Yes." The other forearm was next.
"Including your sister?" Ted asked.
"Don't be silly. Narcissa never took the mark." The first forearm took another blow for good measure.
"I meant your other sister," Ted clarified.
Andi halted mid swing with a horrified look. "Sweet Merlin." She said. "I've been doing my best to forget about her connections. What have I done?" she let the hammer drop from her grasp, prompting Ted to wince as it damaged the floor.
