What the hell was he still doing there. Was it some sense of duty- he had to fulfill his orders. Or was he simply so lost he didn't know what to do. He just went through the motions, hoping to stumble along his way. He hadn't found anything. It didn't help that he had isolated himself. He ignored all of his mother's attempts to contact him; he had been serious, he had had enough of her. But he also ignored Jill and Sandy. He didn't think he could face them (or tell them the truth without risking their lives). What could he have possibly told them. Their mother was corrupt, their sister's death was faked, and Sean was doing nothing about it.

He really should've. Sure he was reporting on Division to Oversight, but he wasn't doing anything to stop Nikita. He wasn't doing anything to stop Division either. It was as though he was in limbo- stuck in some sort of midway point, not able to make a decision. That all came to a head in the latest mission. He was caught up to the situation as he arrived, something about recovering a Division asset. He thought it was something simple. But when he walked onto the ops floor, it was so much worse than that.

A missile was leveled at his sister's partner- boyfriend- (he was vaguely aware of what their relationship was), and she was driving back to rescue him. Her stubborn, heroic ass was going to sacrifice herself for Michael. Sean felt like he couldn't breathe watching the red dot representing Nikita get closer to the strike zone. He should've stopped Amanda, found some way to help his sister. Instead, he stood by silently and watched in horror as the missile was launched.

His voice didn't sound like his own when he asked for eyes on the target. He was in shock. He wouldn't believe he saw his sister die again. He felt something inside him break and shatter. Things were disorienting and dizzying. All he could do was stare at the screen, focusing on the smoke. He thought of the car crash all those years ago, tears springing in his hazel eyes. He couldn't believe he let it happen. Sean did nothing to stop Nikita's death. How could he have not done anything. He was a Seal. He helped people. He served others. But he was sitting inside a place he hated with people wanting to kill his sister, and did absolutely nothing about any of it.

It was his fault; he knew it. He could feel himself becoming fifteen again, locking himself in his room as he sobbed. He had blamed the crash on himself. If he had given Nikita the chocolate milk like she had asked, if he hadn't kicked her seat, she wouldn't have driven when she did. She would've paused at the light, and that van wouldn't have hit them like it had. As an adult he realized how ridiculous that was. And after learning about Division he knew she would've 'died' no matter what. The car crash wasn't his fault. But the missile was. He had the power to stop the strike, yet he did nothing.

But then he heard their voices. First Michael's, then Nikita's; they had saved themselves. Although he could finally breathe, Sean continued to be furious- at Amanda, at himself, and at Alex. She didn't deserve his wrath. She hadn't done anything. He was the one wrapped up in his hurt feelings. If he wasn't too busy feeling sorry for himself, he could've helped Nikita. She was his sister, his best friend for years, but he was still working with Oversight. His lividity made him lash out at Alex the second she returned from the Kochenko hit, "Loving the lack of morality there. You want to stop Division, and yet you'll help them."

"You're the Navy Seal assigned to this shit," Alex fired back. Her anger with him was warranted. Sean constantly gave her hell for abandoning Nikita. Maybe she was as confused and hurt and lost as him; that was why she was hanging around Division. Dealing with a conspiracy that involved your family screwed you up, after all. However, he wasn't going to give her the chance to explain.

"I'm following orders. That's what I do," Was that what he did. Sean could practically hear Nikita's taunts in his head about a boy scout not knowing what his duty was. He needed to get his head on straight. He had to figure his thoughts and feelings out. He couldn't afford to be emotionally compromised.

"Here's an order for you: get off my back," Shoving past him, Alex huffed. She had enough of him judging her for what she was doing. Sean knew he was in the wrong for that. Wasn't his own moral compass corrupt. He believed in family, but shut out his mother and sisters and left Nikita to her own devices. He was blindly doing as he was told, despite hating himself for it. God was he a hypocrite.

How was he going to fix it, though. Just desert his mission and run off to be rogue. Or continue inadvertently hurting his sister. His thoughts and emotions were fried and jumbled. Nothing was clear. He was stumbling for control, so he reached out for the one thing he could handle. The one thing he had wanted to hear since he saw a ghost in that alleyway, "Tell me about Nikita and I will."

"What?" Alex turned around surprised. She wasn't expecting that. Yet she seemed excited to be given a chance to force Sean to finally leave her alone. He didn't care about that. He only wanted to know who Nikita became after she was taken. Was she still his sister, or had she been forced to change too much. Alex crossed back over to Sean, a smirk pulling at her lips, "Despite being way too protective, she'll fuck you up. I don't even think your Seal training could take her."

There was a story behind Alex's protective comment; that time Sean wanted to delve into it. However, he couldn't help his smile. He didn't need to know what Nikita had done since being taken by Division to know she could fuck someone up. Nikita was always rough and tough. She never listened to anyone. And she was usually too smart for her own good. His sister was a terror as a teenager, and that had only grown as she had. It was no surprise that she was such a formidable enemy to Division and Oversight. She wasn't going to back down and stop, "Coulda told you that."

Alex caught his fond smile. She caught him reminiscing, and her smirk dissolved into bewilderment. Their past interactions started to race through her mind, especially in regards to Nikita. Things that didn't make sense before, were loosely starting to connect for her. Something was going on with Sean Pierce, "Do you know her?"

"No, no. Just. Did my reading," Quickly, Sean wiped the expression off of his face. He knew his relationship with Nikita would be used as a weapon. Against him or against her, he wasn't sure. But he didn't want to find out. It would've been better for everybody if he stayed quiet. It seemed to be the only thing he had done right.

"What is it about Nikita that has you so worked up?" Alex didn't buy the brush off. Her blue eyes raked over him, attempting to study him over. Sean had learned to become stoic and unreadable under intense scrutiny. He could withstand torture and not give up any information. Yet in regards to Nikita, he was drowning. He could barely breathe. He needed to deflect Alex's gaze and move the conversation along; he just didn't know if he could.

"The sooner I get my mission done the sooner I leave," It was a weak excuse. Both Sean and Alex knew it. Knowing walking away would only increase her curiosity, he stayed rooted in his spot. He hoped his steady glare would deter her. Her smug grin returned, however. She wasn't buying his excuse for one second. He sighed. He had to give her something, so he settled on a half-truth, "She just… she kinda reminds me of my sister."

A strange look crossed Alex's features. She probably read into his tone, and knew he meant a sister he had lost. Yet Sean thought he saw something else in the gaze. Something like realization, "Oh. I'm sorry bout your sister. But trust me, this isn't the place to seek out therapy or emotional support."

"Just revenge?" That was the common theme Sean could focus on. Everyone was out for revenge or justice- whatever. There were a lot of complicated motives that added to his confusion. Some people wanted to protect others, but the way they did so only led to pain. And some people wanted to kill others, but the way they did so served their enemies. Nothing made sense, except for revenge. But, even that was tricky at times.

"You're the one who brought up emotional distance," Alex was back to being frustrated with him. Sean had told her to keep her emotions at a distance when killing Kochenko. He was sort of talking to himself then. He thought having his feelings in check would help him come to a conclusion about what to do. He was wrong. Following his head and following orders was getting him nowhere except almost watching Nikita die again. He couldn't go through that. His heart wouldn't be able to take it. Maybe that was what he needed to start listening to.

"What if I was wrong?" Sean said quietly. It was mostly to himself. But Alex heard the confession. Nearing him, she was trying so hard to continue figuring him out. He was all over the place in word and action, and was calling her out for the same thing. The contradiction was baffling; it was driving her insane. Everything else about Division she could understand. Yet the Navy Seal working with Oversight was a puzzle she couldn't even begin to comprehend. A part of her thought she knew something, but she had no proof.

Sean didn't give Alex the satisfaction of solving anything, however. He took off without a word as he had done earlier. He didn't need to discuss or process things anymore. He knew what he had to do. His need to protect Nikita from Oversight and Division overruled his need to follow orders and be the perfect soldier. His mother wanted him to bring his sister back home alive, then that was what he was going to do. But Nikita's way, no one else's. Somewhere out there, she was probably celebrating the fact that she finally got Sean to willingly break a rule. The boy scout was going rogue.