Warning: Contains kissmesisy stuff. I think you know what that entails.

Hegemonic Brute trudged up Damara's dream tower, complaining to himself.

"Why do I always get the tough assassinations?" he thought. "And what's more, Jack's probably gonna make me do more afterwards, if we're following through with that new rule! I mean, we can't possibly kill all of them! They're all probably too tough no-wait, why am I even talking to myself?" HB shut his big mouth and clambered up stealthily (despite his "girth") to the top of the staircase, making sure not to fall down.

Damara was sleeping there soundly. But the moment HB stood over her and whipped out his Hammer of Love (basically a hammer with a heart on the end, with a bladed tip) Damara awoke.

Of course, this always happens to me, Hegemonic Brute thought. Oh, well, at least I'm lucky in love...

Damara wasted no time cutting his head off engaging him in combat. HB swung his hammer and crashed it into Damara's bed right after she absconded from it, destroying it with the power of love. Before he could turn around she had punched him in the back of the head with surprising force, sending him crashing onto the bed. She then pressed his face down on her pillow, attempting to smother him.

"Wt, wt, uh gve, uh gve!" HB cried while his mouth was stuffed in the pillow. Damara released him, and he explained sheepishly:

"Listen, kid, I, uh, I'm not really into this. I mean, you clearly had an advantage-despite your apparent puniness-and I don't wanna get killed. I always have to get the toughest guy, and I hate it. How about you just play dead for a while, and I'll keep in touch with you if you need me?"

"(Perhaps. Did you come from the sea-hag?)" Damara asked.

"Who? Oh, you mean the Thief. Yeah, she told us to do this, back when we're takin' her requests. Cept' now we're not doing that now. Oh, wait, I wasn't supposed to tell you that!"

"(It is fine. I believe that we share a common enemy. What did she do to you?)" she asked.

"I dunno," Brute said as he glanced out her window. His massive jaw dropped in astonishment.

"Who in the name of smooth jazz did this?!" Hegemonic Brute cried. Damara looked out with him and surveyed the corpses in the streets.

THIS IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN, WITCH. RETURN TO YOUR BED AND LEAVE DERSE. YOU HAVE PASSED THE TEST-ALBEIT INADEQUATELY.

Turning to the Brute, Damara said, "(I must go back to sleep.)"

"Eh, okay then. Guess this isn't really your problem, anyway. But if you ever have a minute, just talk to me, okay? But don't tell the others. They're gonna believe you're dead. Can you lay low for me?" HB asked. Damara, yet again, nodded. She climbed back into bed, and HB tucked her in.

"Nighty night," Hegemonic Brute said before going back down the stairs with the Hammer of Love.

But Damara was already asleep.

. . . . .

When Porrim's slippers made contact with the metal ground of LOTAS, a low, rasping voice spoke to her.

Stitch?

No. I am Finn. I'm here to assist you. You want to find Horuss on this metal wasteland?

Yes. Undeniably so+.

Good. Now listen to me: I know where Horuss will be in the next few minutes, hours from now, and 500 sweeps in the future. Go exactly where I tell you. See that tower in the distance, left of your peripheral vision? Go there, now. That is where his future trail stops...for the moment. Also, don't touch the effigy. It'll miss things up.

Porrim, her mind clogged with dozens of mental images of a flayed and bruised Horuss nestling in her arms, didn't bother to ask what a future trail was. She ran as fast as she could, thankful that intuition had overtaken fashion in a critical moment like this.

A few yards away from the tower, Horuss came crashing into the metallic ground, his fall broken by his armor. The first thing he saw was Porrim, brandishing a strange black umbrella.

"8==D Porrim?! How strangely, erm, strange for you to be here! Have you seen Rufioh or Buster anywhere? I seem to have been grat00itously wounded and taken on a rather haphazard e%pedition."

Porrim aimed the Penguin's Bane at Horuss, licking her lips devilishly. "Lo+o+ks like that thing Stitch sent me wo+rked after all. Ho+w much o+f yo+ur allegedly virile blo+o+d did yo+u lo+se?"

"8=D E%cuse me? Quite a lot, actually. What sort of thing did this Stitch person send you, e%actly?"

Porrim took out her effigy from her sylladex.

"A way to+ fulfill my greatest fantasies...with yo+u."

"8===D Oh, g00dness! I never realized you t00k a fancy to me! Why, if you had approached me sooner, perhaps we would have made a lovely couple! And you would have the especially e%quisite privelige of dating an indigo b100d! But I'm afraid I must decline your-"

Porrim left her effigy and walked up to Horuss as he was talking, the sweat forming on his skin beneath his armor. She examined the blue badge on his chestplate and ripped it off, stomping it to the ground.

"8=o What did you do that for?! Now I'm no longer under Sawbu%'s protection!" he cried. Porrim aimed her umbrella at the effigy.

"I didn't say they were red o+nes, Ho+russ." And Horuss watched in astonishment as she shot the umbrella's tip through the heart of the effigy.

Horuss gasped as searing pain shot through his chest. The attack had just missed his heart, and he fell to the ground, clutching his chest to try and minimize the blood loss.

"D==8 Stop! You're hurting me!" Horuss cried.

"So+? Haven't yo+u ever been in a kissmesis befo+re?"

"D===8 No...but...it hurts! But it's also...e%hilarating!" Horuss cried. Porrim smiled.

"Meek and passive in ro+mance; I sho+uld've expected it fro+m yo+u. Fo+r o+nce, the wo+man has to+ do+ the wo+rk, eh?"

"D=====8 What are you talking about?" Horuss asked. Porrim rolled her eyes as she scratched at the effigy's back with her nails. Horuss shuddered in pleasure/pain.

"Do+n't yo+u understand anything, stupid male?! I've been lo+o+king fo+r a face-and a bo+dy-to+ represent the sexism Befo+rus had, and its o+pressio+n o+f wo+men. Yo+u are a prime exampe o+f this o+pressio+n, Ho+ry."

"D=======8 Hory?"

"Yes. That's what I'll call yo+u no+w, my little o+bject o+f hate," she said as she punched the effigy in the face. Horus felt the blow, and a bruise appeared on his face.

"Speaking o+f o+bjects," Porrim asked, "Ho+w do+es it feel to+ be treated like o+ne, you chauvinist jade blo+o+d hater?!"

"D=========8 You're insane, Porrim! You need an auspicsisticise!" Horuss said as Porrim slashed at his shoulder with an umbrella.

"Do+n't play dumb with me! Do+n't yo+u remember o+ur little chat to+ get yo+u in the Medium?"

"D===8 Oh, yes, that one. Listen, had I been aware of how cr00d my remarks were, I wouldn't have said them! I'm sorry, Porrim, just stop hurting me!"

"No+! Yo+u deserve this. First, I'm go+ing to+ ravish yo+u, and then I'm go+ing to+ ravage yo+u. Besides, I kno+w yo+u like it," she said, kissing the effigy.

Horuss was afraid of Porrim, but something in him wanted this. And despite his passiveness in the ways of love, he wanted to reciprocate these twisted, black feelings. And so he declared:

"8======D If yo+u hate me so+ much, then why do+n't yo+u kiss the real me?!" he demanded. Porrim turned around, wiped her lips, and grinned fiendishly. As she approached him, Horuss took his sweet time ogling her in a way that would normally be seen as disconcerting, if done by a certain lanky inspector.

Porrim placed a delicate hand on Horuss' cheek, reaching underneath the armor. Horuss, realizing she was close enough, reached out and squeezed her neck. His face leaned forward to kiss her lips, not letting her get the chance to breathe.

"8=========D I certainly hope you have a STRONG neck," he said as her fingers nearly gouged out his eyes.

Sorry if you didn't like reading that. I swear I don't have a BDSM fetish! This is just how imagined a kissmesis would work. See why they have auspicticizes? I can never spell that word, by the way.