A/N: Is there anyone alive out there in this fandom? The Wolf Pack section seems to be pretty slow...but I've been a longtime devotee of the Pack and while I don't even much care for Twilight, I love the La Push Wolves. Hoping there is a steady continuation of fanworks, especially in Jared/Kim.
Let me know your thoughts. I appreciate your time.
VALENTINE'S DAY, 2nd Grade
It all started when Jared shared a book with her during reading time.
She'd liked him well enough before then (after all, he wasn't one of the nasty boys that made gross sounds or put mud in girls' hair or anything), but after they'd sat shoulder-to-shoulder on the comfy beanbag in the Library Cove, taking turns reading out-loud from a book...Kim was done for.
She was a good reader. Best in her class. She'd moved onto the fourth grade reading section before Christmas, and spent most of her recesses inside the library helping Mrs. Kraller reorganize the shelves.
Jared was an okay reader; he would drag his index finger across the page to keep pace as he read outloud. Kim helped him out with a few words. She knew he was smart though; and he was one of the nicest boys.
When they were done, Jared closed the book, and said, "Thanks for helping me. You're really smart. You should be a writer someday."
"Thanks, Jared. I want to be a Librarian someday," she said back, quietly. She couldn't hide her smile. "You're smart, too."
He smiled at her, wide. "You'd be good at that. I'm better in Mr. Jacobi's math class, and social studies. I can name 15 state capitols off the top of my head." Then, Jared's expression sobered. He stated, "You have eyes the color of coca-cola. They're kinda pretty."
Annnnnd that was that.
While they didn't talk the rest of the year- beyond group assignments and the usual classroom interactions- it was enough for Kim.
It would also mark one of the few occasions where Jared Cameron spoke more than two words to her.
FALL, 7th Grade
"Shoot." Jared was patting down his denim jacket, just in front of her. Kim had been trying to think of something clever to say for twenty minutes, as they stood against the wall in the hot food lunch line. He was mostly talking with Brad Adams and probably hadn't noticed her, but she couldn't stop racking her brain. She'd even forced a chuckle a couple times while eavesdropping, hoping to be included in their conversation- to which Jared sort of twitched, looking over his shoulder like he didn't appreciate her listening- so she stopped that and quickly started cleaning her eyeglasses to pretend she actually wasn't listening. About four times, she'd almost worked up the guts to say something...but nothing.
So she just slouched against the wall; wishing she could think of something clever. Mallory Peters always thought of clever things to say, and never seemed to be afraid to pipe in. The boys always noticed her.
Kim wondered how girls like Mallory made it look so easy, so effortless.
Until her moment came- a blessed moment of kismet, where Jared was patting down his jacket in a moment of panic, shoving his hands into his pockets only to come out empty-handed…
"I guess I forgot my money," he said to the lunch lady in the doorway. Brad looked at him with a helpless shrug and continued down the lunch line.
This is your moment; take it!
She nearly tapped him on the shoulder, but thought better of it at the last minute. Instead, she said, in a chirpy and awful voice that sounded like she was choking on an apple slice, "I- I have extra money."
Jared turned around and looked at her blankly. It was almost like he hadn't understood her; or even recognized her. "Huh?"
She swallowed then said, "I have money- you know, if you don't-"
His eyes narrowed. "It's not that I don't have money. I just forgot it."
Oh, God- she'd made it sound like she thought he was poor or something. "No, I mean- I can, like, spot you." She held up her $5 weakly.
The muscles of his face relaxed. "Oh. That's really cool of you. Thanks."
Her cheeks fired bright pink. She nervously pushed up her glasses. "Yeah, anytime."
Jared offered her a dazzling smile, then turned around and continued down the line.
They didn't speak again for the rest of Junior High.
FALL, 9th Grade - Homecoming Dance
Kim nervously wrung her hands as she waited outside the gymnasium. The sounds of upbeat music cranked through the athletic entrance doors, out to the benches where students could be dropped off at the edge of the parking lot. She'd recently begun hanging out with a few other underclassmen girls on the Student Council; they'd convinced her that she should actually come to the dance that they'd all so painstakingly organized for the past three weeks.
Her mom had recently been laid off, so her only option on so quick a notice was a fern-green dress that she'd borrowed from her older sister's closet.
Becky was a junior in college now, so it was a bit out-of-style. And, even worse, it definitely wasn't made for her body-type. Not only was Becky a solid 30 pounds thinner than Kim's solid frame (and Mrs. Connweller had to let out the dress a bit to accommodate the difference) ...but Becky had waif-like arms that were proudly shown off in spaghetti straps. Kim actively loathed her chubby arms, and had begged her mom for a shawl to hide them. So here she was- in a snug, uncomfortable dress that was about seven years out of date, with a makeshift shawl bundled around her shoulders. She didn't look nearly as glamorous as TeenVogue recommended.
Still, she had opted for contacts tonight instead of glasses; she felt pretty, when she dusted shimmering white eyeshadow over her lids and a touch of brown lip gloss on her mouth. Inside, where it was dark, people probably wouldn't notice the dress.
Tina and Sarah said they'd arrive sometime before 8:30, so Kim stood dolefully outside; she couldn't bear the thought of going in by herself. Kim's penchant for shyness continued to be a daily struggle, but she chalked this moment up to a moment of victory: she'd actually agreed to a school dance. And Tina was a sophomore who had been on Student Council already, and had sworn up and down that the Homecoming Dance was "like, so much fun."
Kim rather hoped it would be.
A car door slammed nearby, and a laughing group tumbled out of a vehicle in seemingly one flood of limbs. Kim's heart jumped in her throat. It was the Popular Freshmen. Which meant-
Wow. If Kim thought Junior High Jared was cute- well then, High School had some excellent surprises in store. Kim blinked rapidly, pulling her shawl tighter. Jared looked so handsome- like usual, but, spruced-up in a crisp button-up.
The large group moved as one, chattering and giggling and cajoling each other as they ambled past without a spare glance her way. Mallory Peters reached out and flirtatiously pushed Jared's shoulder, and Amanda Harjo was quick to attach herself to his arm. Kim's eyes flicked down; she couldn't help but notice the matching corsage to Jared's boutonniere.
Envy curled in her gut.
One of the girls in the group- Jill Redwood, who was always nice to Kim and sometimes sat near her in Spanish- noticed her standing to the side and said, "You look really pretty, Kim."
Kim smiled and replied, "So do you, Jill," and hoped for just a split second that Jared might look her way….but he didn't.
The doors swung shut behind the group.
Tina and Sarah came shortly thereafter, and the Dance was pretty alright. Kim felt sort of weird on her feet, and was a little horrified by the way the seniors danced, but on the whole….she enjoyed herself. She even managed to curb her silly crush a bit when she saw Jared and Amanda making out near the drinking fountains.
"Is there any guy here you wanna dance with, Kim?" Sarah asked above the music.
"Oh, not really," she said, quietly.
But Sarah seemed to understand...she caught Kim's straying glance a few times, and smiled sympathetically.
She watched him from afar the rest of the year, wishing she knew what to say. Even when they were assigned in the same group for a Social Studies project, she chickened out every time she was supposed to say something to him directly. She vaguely addressed the entire group whenever necessary, and studiously avoided Jared's gaze.
Sarah finally pointed out one day that Kim had idly doodled "Mrs Cameron" over the edge of her scrap paper in Math- and Kim, with a scarlet-face, tore up the sheet. She begged Sarah not to tell.
On the last day of school, he bumped into her en route to the Assembly; he looked at her, surprised, but didn't say anything. As she rode her bike home that day, she wished she'd at least said something...and vowed that she'd spend the summer getting over her fear of speaking to him.
FALL, 10th Grade
The first day back at school, she couldn't help but eavesdrop on Jared and Brad Adams in Social Studies. She and Jared were usually seated somewhere in each other's vicinity if there was assigned seating….Cameron, and Connweller. The very same reason they once shared a beanbag in elementary school now guaranteed that Kim could always depend on somehow seeing Jared whenever they shared a class.
This class had Brad and Jared right beside each other in the front row; she sat behind them, next to Zack Dellings. Zack was cool...alphabetically speaking, there were worse alternatives. Like her, seated next to Jared and distracted endlessly by his perfect profile, long-ish dark hair, and sparkling eyes. And that dimple on his left cheek. Oh, God.
At least this way, she could function almost normally and wouldn't be entirely derailed by his perfection. No, Zack Dwellings was a totally adequate seat-partner, who usually had his headphones on or was reading a BMX magazine at any given time.
She sorted through her pencil case, waiting for class to start, and shamelessly eavesdropping on Brad and Jared. Maybe he'd notice her nearby and ask how her summer was? She'd imagined the scenario a few times.
"Oh, good. I kayaked a bit with my friend Sarah and volunteered at the Forks Library mostly. What did you do?" She'd give him just enough detail to show she was interested in conversing, but turn the conversation back around on him for an answer.
She imagined he spent most of it outside. Jared's skin was even darker than usual. He ran past her house a couple times with a few other guys on the Football team...she'd watched from her hammock on the front porch, book precariously open in her hands as she lusted after his every movement.
"I can't believe you, man," Brad said, admiration plain in his voice. "Was it good?"
"Yeah, dude," Jared replied, chuckling low. He shot a glance over his shoulder, as if to make sure no one was listening. Kim kept her head down, trying to focus on her pencil case, and forget the nausea rising. What were they talking about? "I mean, she's a good kisser, so it makes sense."
"You gonna ask her out?"
Jared shrugged. "Amanda? Maybe. I don't know. Mallory's all over me so...I mean, why wouldn't I give that a try?"
"Damn, son. Having both of the hottest girls in our class blow you in the same month...fuck, I'm jealous, Cameron. Good way to start the year, you greedy asshole. Save some for the rest of us."
"Be my guest," Jard replied back, smugly. "I'm not stopping you."
"So I can ask Amanda out?"
"Sure. She's better at sucking than she is fucking though. Just warning you, man. Besides there's only a few girls here in La Push that are even remotely hot, and half of them are upperclassmen... so I'd rather check out the goods in Forks to be honest. Unless a few girls in our class suddenly get super hot."
"You basically already had the good ones, Jare," Brad snickered. "Unless you finally fuck Mallory...time to move on. You ever been to a Bonfire at Karsten's house? His parents are never around on Fridays and they have one of the biggest yards in Forks. Nobody can see from the road so it gets fuckin' wild back there."
Kim swallowed, feeling sick; the teacher clapped her hands at the front, effectively shutting Jared up before he could reply.
She felt betrayed, even though she and Jared weren't even friends. Kim wasn't one to go to parties- other than, like, a Movie Night with Tina and Sarah- but she was jealous of the kids who did go, who just knew they'd be welcome at that sort of thing. She didn't know of anybody at their school named Karsten, so she assumed he was one of their buddies in Forks.
Sometimes it was so achingly obvious that she and Jared lived in different words...and it left Kim with a strange, jagged feeling of wrongness in her chest. Was that just jealousy? Disgust, maybe?
Philosophically, she knew she shouldn't even bother with her silly crush anymore...it was becoming plainer and plainer that not only were she and Jared very different people, but she wasn't even sure if she liked the kind of person he was becoming.
But then she'd think of him, dragging his finger across the page in elementary school...or smiling warmly at Mrs. Tumms, the 86-year-old school Librarian...or him so attentively taking care of the class guinea pig Skittles all through 7th grade...and her heart would hammer in her chest, beating out words that sounded something like, "Patience, Kim, patience."
Eventually, maybe, he'd grow up and their worlds would collide.
LATE SPRING, 10th Grade
"Please don't, Mom," Kim begged, tears in her eyes. "I can't believe you're doing this to me."
"I thought you liked him!" Mrs Connweller said, defensively.
"I do, but- but this is so lame," Kim hissed, yanking her glasses off and cleaning them with a vengeance. "You're forcing him to hang out with me. He'll think I'm such a loser."
"I'm not forcing him to hang out with you," Mrs Connweller retorted. "I just have to meet with his mom and figured while we're getting coffee, you two can hang around."
"Does he know I'm going to be there?" Kim was tempted to throw herself out of the car. Panic was scrabbling in her chest. "Did he sound okay with this?"
"Kim, I just told Valerie that I'd bring you along to shop while we met, and she said, 'How nice, I was thinking of bringing Jared.' So maybe he won't be there. I didn't realize it would upset you so much."
"I just don't think you realize how much of a loser I am compared to him." Kim flipped the visor mirror down, wishing she knew how to use mascara. Her dark eyes gazed back sullenly. Her face was so chubby and her ginormous cheeks were already splotched from being upset. At least her eyebrows looked good, right? But her hair...oh, God. "I'm like, not even in the same universe, Mom."
"Well, this might be an excellent opportunity for him to realize how wonderful you are, and maybe a good opportunity for you to realize that he's just a normal teenage boy, like the rest of them. He puts his pants on one leg at a time, too, sweetheart."
Kim knew it was useless to argue with her. Instead, she dug through her bag to find lipbalm.
At the coffee shop in Port Angeles- called Cafe Angel - her mom quickly claimed a booth in the back for her and Mrs Cameron. She was busy unpacking her portfolio books when Val Cameron came up to the table. Mrs Cameron was just as Kim remembered her from classroom parties years before...dark, wavy black hair and wearing fashionable dangling earrings. Jared inherited his dimple from her.
"Oh, Kim- so good to see you. Jared's up front getting coffee, then I think he's going to walk around a bit. You should go say hi!"
Kim smiled and thanked her before starting the torturous path toward the counter. Jared was there- looking so handsome in the May morning sunlight- and Kim couldn't help but smile. She knew her cheeks were pink. Hopefully they weren't splotchy. She pulled her hair forward, trying to camouflage their roundness and slim out her face. That's what all the magazines advised.
It was now or never. She stepped up behind him, and said softly, "Hi Jared."
He turned to her, brows raised. "Oh, uh, hey. How's it going?"
She hoped her blush wasn't obvious. "Good. You?"
"Fine." He yawned loudly. Demonstratively.
She waited for him to say something more….but he didn't.
After another minute of gathering her courage, and pretending to be the confident girl her mother believed her to be, Kim attempted again: "I really like their marshmallow lattes here. Have you tried it?"
He sounded bored as he answered, "Nope."
Fuuuuck. Kim wanted to swallow her own tongue. Stupid. Now she looked so weird. Did he think she was fat for getting such an unhealthy-sounded latte? She stared at his back. How could she recover that exchange?
Another miserable two minutes passed before Jared got to order. He got a simple coffee with cream. Kim ordered hers next. They joined the corral of others waiting for their beverages, and didn't speak. Jared stared at his cellphone the whole time.
The barista called their names as one. "Jared and Kim?"
Jared got her drink for her, handing it to her. Her heart fluttered. "Here, Kim." She wondered if he'd only remembered her name because the barista called it out. Still, he met her eyes and gave her a polite- if not insincere- smile.
Feeling deflated as they left the crowded front, and stepped out into the morning air, she asked a question she could already anticipate the answer to: "What are you going to do for the next hour?"
He shrugged. "Meeting up with some people. You?" He didn't look really interested, though; he had his phone out again, and was texting.
She answered, "Going to the bookstore," before she could overanalyze if it was "the right answer." Honestly, she could probably answer "I'm going Aquarium diving at the mall" and he wouldn't bat an eyelash.
"Cool," he said. His phone buzzed. He gave her a two-finger salute around his coffee cup as he answered his phone with a, "Hey, babe. Yeah, I got an hour." He turned around and trotted off down the street.
Later, Kim recounted it all to her mom. Mrs Connweller simply said, "Well, some men are just plain stupid. And if he stays stupid and doesn't notice a catch like you, Kim, then he's done you a favor by staying away. You deserve to have a man who worships you."
Kim cried in the shower that night.
It became obvious that some crushes had to end painfully.
A/N: Please let me know your thoughts. Maybe a little bit not canon in timelines, but it works better for my story. Next chapter is going up immediately. Thanks again.
