Chapter 30

Cronus found himself looking at a tiny purple egg. It was surrounded by some sort of fluid, and he could other objects in the distance. Next to him floated a strange green man in a tuxedo, wearing a red hat with a 3 on it.

"Are you Trace?" Cronus asked.

"Yes. Unlike the others, I don't see much of a problem with revealing what I look like to you. But I'm not what's important; instead it's the egg."

"It's me, right? Howv come it doesn't look small?"

"This is a vision, I can make things appear large then they really are, or were," Trace explained. "The egg that is you right now is actually about 3 nanometers across. Can you believe you were once that small?"

"Vwell, yes," Cronus replied. "Iwv'e alvways accepted it as fact. But nowv I'm seeing it for the first time." As Cronus spoke, he could see a faint shadow squirming inside the egg.

"And there you are beginning life," Trace stated. "Now let's go forward a little more."

Cronus found himself whisked away to the inside of a cave, back to normal size. He could see a small, purple caterpillar-like creature crawling around with a bunch of others.

"It's me as vwriggler. And ewveryone else!" Cronus exclaimed. "Heh, I look kinda cute." He reached out to try and pick up his infantile self, but Trace shook his head.

"This is only a vision, remember? You're to observe, not interact. You aren't a time player, so you can't interact with the past." Cronus nodded in understanding, watching his wriggler form play with a few other wrigglers by wrestling with them or just eating the membrane of the eggs they had hatched out of. But the surprising thing was the nature of it all: the wriggler Cronus was the one leading their activities. He decided whose egg the group would try to break in hopes of getting a new playmate, he decided who was it when they played some sort of crawling version of tag, and seemed not to care if someone else tried to join in the fun.

Eventually a nurse troll appeared and fed the wrigglers a nutritional formula mixed with mild sedatives so that they would fall asleep. As the drowsy wrigglers crawled into the darkest parts of the cave to doze off, Cronus fell asleep near his broken eggshell. He noticed a little yellow wriggler and a light blue one crawl up with him and snuggle with him.

"That's Mituna…and Latula…vwhat is SHE doing in my past?" demanded Cronus.

"In those days quadrants didn't matter. You had no hatred for anyone yet. But when you were set out into the world you grew to hate your new life because all of your old friends were gone, almost vanished from your memories. They were landwellers and you were a seadweller. Meenah was upset about the loss of her friends too, but instead of living in the sea and trying to start anew she fled to one of Beforus' moons."

"I vwasn't really like that!" Cronus protested.

"Really now? Let's take a look." Cronus then found himself in an underwater hive, watching himself sitting down at a computer, trying to type something, only to backspace after a few lines.

"I remember this. This vwas back vwhen I tried to vwrite stuff. Poetry that vwould ewventually go to music. Or so I thought," Cronus remarked. "It vwas alvways a pasttime of mine. I could let out all of my thoughts. I usually felt sad aftervwards, though."

"You thought the negative energy would leave you, yes," Trace agreed. "But eventually you reasoned that it would also help to solve your apparent problem rather than express your feelings. So you decided to go to the surface and search for your friends." Cronus was then sent to the surface of Beforus, walking along a dusty road surrounded by fields of native wildflowers and trees with red trunks and purple leaves. The harsh Beforan sun was beginning to rise, and Cronus could see his past self grow nervous.

"Beforus vwas beautiful, vwasn't it?" Cronus observed as he viewed the scenery. "The land and the ocean vwere just as pretty, but in different vways. Vwhy didn't I vwrite about that? Especially during the day. But so dangerous, too."

"Indeed. Although I never got to visit this planet in its time, I certainly wish I could," Trace agreed. "I too once had a home. But it was destroyed like yours by this cruel game. It is giving you now the privelige to learn something no school could ever teach, but it is giving me the burden of having to teach it. Watch now." As Trace spoke, 2 trolls, obviously lowbloods, appeared from the seclusion of the trees and tackled Cronus, beating him with punches and kicks.

"What, no money? What kind of seadweller are you?" the first one asked.

"Doesn't matter what he's got, he still pays up!" the second troll that said this grabbed Cronus by the collar of his shirt and then slammed his face down in the dirt. "Taste land, chum-bucket! It's better than what that you pompous assholes once ruled us from! You're lucky the Sufferer came and fixed things up, otherwise we'd have a GREAT reason to do worse!" Cronus was flipped on his back and forcibly fed dirt. The first troll then got out a knife. The Cronus watching this gulped as his past self began to kick and scream.

"I don't vwant to vwatch this!" Cronus cried to Trace.

"I don't, either. But there is more to learn," Trace said. The attacking troll's knife came close to Cronus' gills. Then he slashed at each one with the side of his knife, creating deep wounds in both of them. Past Cronus began to gag.

"Stop…I vwon't be able to breathe…" Past Cronus wheezed.

"Why should we care? After all the cruelty of your ancestors, we have every right to!" screamed the second troll. The first then raised his knife and was about to use it to strike it against Cronus' gills again when he stopped. After a few seconds, the trolls stood up and left.

"Uh, better you just suffer and die here than be killed quickly! Besides, the sun could burn us!" one of the trolls said before they both retreated. Cronus got up, nursing his bleeding gills.

"It vwas a miracle that made them leawve all of a sudden," Cronus remarked as he watched his past self head back for the coast.

"It was no miracle. Listen to their minds," Trace said, rewinding the moment. Cronus could suddenly hear a booming voice speak. Somehow he could tell that it was not addressing him, but the trolls that had tormented him. The words were ordinary, but they spoke with such authority that he was still intimidated despite their familiarity.

Leave my friend alone. He has done nothing to harm you. He is under my protection whenever he goes on land.

"That's Mituna? Vwhat's he doing, hovw's he doing that?" Cronus asked Trace.

"Mituna always had powerful psychic abilities. His telepathy could reach far if he exerted all of his strength," Trace explained. Suddenly Cronus could hear a loud crackling sound and a groan from Mituna's telepathic voice. "But it always cost him great pain, to stretch out his abilities like that to reach you. He was always filled with headaches afterwards."

"He sacrificed his health for my sake," Cronus realized. "But it vwas all in wvain. I newver found his hiwve."

"No, but your wanderings on land allowed you to find out his Trollianhandle. And so you two resumed correspondence after sweeps apart," Trace reminded him. As he spoke, Cronus noticed the trolls that had hidden in the forest talking with another troll, a girl. She was evidently holding some sort of weapon, but she made no move to chase after past Cronus. He didn't see her.

"Hey, vwho's that?" present Cronus asked Trace, pointing at the girl troll.

"That is the Handmaiden," Trace replied sadly. "She serves her lord, as do I. Let's go somewhere where she is not."

Cronus was then taken to a white screen, filled with the text of the first chat he had with Mituna.

Critical Appearifier (CA) began trolling Unorthodox Advancement (UA)

CA: Hey. It's been a long time, hasn't it?

UA: What is it? Who are you?

CA: It's me, the seadvweller you sawved a vwhile back!

UA: Cronus! Are you okay? They didn't hurt you too badly, did they? You're better now, right?

CA: Relax, slow down! I'm cool.

UA: Thank Gog! I had no idea if you were going to be okay after that! How did you find my Trollianhandle?

CA: Long story. Had to sell some of my poems to some slam poets to figure it out. And vwork long hours ferrying them around undervwater by submarine. And learn howv to driwve one of those, of course. And then vwork at my local coffee shop and brewv a fewv newv flawvors for marketing to ewven buy an Internet-capable computer. Don't ewver look for a job in the sea, buddy.

UA: I'll keep that in mind. Care to send me something?

CA: I'd love to, but I doubt you'd like it. It doesn't convwey…things you'd understand vwell.

UA: Oh, don't be shy. I'd love to hear it! Tell you what, you send it to me and I'll encode in some software I'm programming for Kankri's blog.

CA: Vwhy vwould I vwant that?

UA: It would be embedded in there forever! And I'd be the only one with the skills to get it out. Well, maybe some others would, but they'd just think it was gibberish. I'd be the only one to have it and know what it means.

CA: Yeah, you vwould, huh? Vwell, here goes:

CA: Sorrow cries its tears,

Letting them meld into the ocean

Of my grieving body

I forget what I mourn for, but I know

That it's important to me. The Squids

Of Forget reach their tentacles down

And grab me, making sure to keep me

In their clutches.

But then a strong hand of Hope

Seizes me, forces me to stand up

And move to where I don't want to go

Can I stay in the dark? I ask

No, it tells me, and flings me skyward into the sky

Out of ocean, into the fluids of the air

Far above the troubles of my head

But then I plummet back down,

My fortune being that the sea is tad

Brighter than before.

CA: But that didn't rhyme, so I don't knowv if it counts.

UA: Doesn't matter, it's still really good!

CA: Really, howv so?

UA: It really shows your emotions and what you're feeling. I mean, this isn't how you always feel, right?

CA: Vwell, sometimes.

UA: Well just let me know and I'll be sure to deal with it.

CA: Howv vwould you do that?

UA: I dunno. But let me tell you something: Hope isn't something that goes away. When Hope flung you up in your poem or whatever, it didn't let you go. You just looked down too much and then let go. Next time, don't let go. Let it take you where it wants you to go. It's all about trusting in your hope, not just hoping in it.

CA: You do realize it's all metaphorical, right?

UA: Is it really? Think about that for a while.

CA: You know what, I think I'll revise this. See you tomorrow!

UA: Got it!

Critical Appearifier has ceased trolling Unorthodox Advancement

"I remember that little poem thingy," Cronus said. "That one vwas nevwer music. I vwas great at getting the vwords on paper, but I could never really get notes. Those guys in the slam poetry band alvways changed my vwords around, made it mean something it didn't."

"Manipulation is a common hobby for some," Trace said sadly. "A disgusting, abhorrent practice. But what can I do to stop the institution?" he asked aloud, receiving a snarl that Cronus didn't hear. "And now there is but one last thing I should show you before we move on to meet another friend of mine. While Mituna protected you from the misery of your mind, you made sure to safeguard his."

"Oh, are you talking about…? That wvas just depressing. I svwear someone drugged him, he newver ewven mentioned it again aftervwards."

"Did he now? But it happened, did it not? We must revisit the event," Trace urged him. The white screen in front of them cleared, and a new wall of text was put in its place.

Unorthodox Advancement (UA) has begun trolling Critical Appearifier (CA)

UA: Sometimes life just serves you shit. You know what I've been doing lately? Guess!

CA: A promotion?

UA: No, you idiot! I was FIRED from my job! Something about layoffs, I should've listened.

CA: Vwell, I'm sure vwith your qualifications you could get another one.

UA: No, don't you keep up with politics? Beforan Parliament passed the Technology Monopoly Act about half a sweep ago due to all those scandals. There aren't any other software companies I can work at that would benefit from what I can do!

CA: Vwell, maybe you can seek a job elsevwhere? The ocean could certainly use all the help it could get.

UA: I can't. Wouldn't want to risk it. You know how most of them are down there, at least the adults. They're not like you at all; callous, uncaring, cruel. The cling to all the old prejudices and probably passed some new ones on to us.

CA: Maybe this could be a chance to showv them vwhat you're made of.

UA: I tried doing that at my old job, and now I've been fired for it.

CA: Vwell…look on the positivwe side. You still hawve the hiwve.

UA: Funny you should mention that. I had to sell my hive and move into one of the bad neighborhoods. So far I've had 2 break-ins; the first nearly killed me and the second stole what little I had left.

CA: Vwhat about your lusus?

UA: Bicyclops has been in a coma for days because of these break-ins! I basically I'm confined to a few rooms!

CA: Vwovw, this is bad. You should seriously come liwve vwith me. I can get you an air helmet and the suit and seadvwelling pass and ewverything you'd need, and my lusus vwouldn't mind. You could stay for as long as you need to.

UA: No, that's not what I had in mind. I've been doing some thinking now that I've been trapped in my hive for a while. I've realized, like I said before, that sometimes live serves you shit. But you know what I also learned? Sometimes it does that to tell you that since you're no longer a productive member of society, you're no longer needed. Cronus, tell me, what has the point to your life been? Have you ever done anything useful? I'm getting to feel what it's like now, to be worthless. I have no job, no safe home, no lusus, no quadrants filled, and worst of all none of that hope I was telling you about. What would happen if I were to disappear? What if I were to die—just like that? Would it really make a difference? Do you know how many people would be sad? Just you. My lusus, maybe, but he's not going to wake up.

CA: Stop the crazy talk.

UA: It's not crazy, it's pretty rational. I mean, I'd be helping society by killing myself, anyway, right? I'm telling you this so that when it happens you won't be too upset. I mean, not like you'd know anyway. What reasons do I have to live for? What are we all but cogs in the machine? I'm a broken, rusty cog, and need to be thrown away. So I'll do it myself.

CA: Mituna, are you still there? It says you're still online. Listen to me right now. I don't knowv vwhat you're thinking right nowv or vwhat's gone in to your head, but I knowv something's vwrong. This isn't the Mituna I knowv; this is some sort of fake messed up Mituna. The real Mituna vwouldn't talk about stuff like this.

CA: But in case I'm vwrong and you're the real Mituna, let me tell you something: You're vworth a lot more than anyone thinks. Look at me, I hawven't done any real vwork in my life, and I'm doing fine…mostly. But the point is if I spent my time vworrying about howv I fit in, I vwouldn't be anywvhere today. I'd just be a nobody. In some vways I'm still a nobody, but at least a fewv people knowv about me. One of them is you.

CA: So don't vworry about vwhat society thinks of you. Society does vwhatewver it vwants to you. No matter vwho you are it vwill find some excuse to be prejudiced against you, doesn't matter vwhat color your blood is. I'm a seadwveller but that just made those guys that jumped me hate ewven more. Instead of vworrying about society you should vworry about more important things, like howv the people around you vwould feel if you decided to take your life.

CA: And if that didn't convwince you, then let me remind you of something else: cogs and gears don't just rust all of a sudden. You can't just go from being useful to useless in society's eyes. And more importantly you're still important to me. Vwhich is more important, society or your friends?

CA: Gog, I'm not saying anything meaningful to you, am I? Look, just don't do it, ok? I'd be a vwreck without you! Just because you think you hawven't done anything important doesn't mean that you hawven't! If you're so useless than vwhy would a seadwweller like me be friends vwith you? If you're so broken then vwhy are you the one that has to fix me vwhen I break down all the time? And if you're so vworthless than vwhy would I be sending you all these messages to keep on going and stay alive?

CA: Mituna Captor, you are my only friend. I'll be damned if I let you go.

UA: All right.

Unorthodox Advancement has ceased trolling Critical Appearifier

"That day wwas so awvful. But then the next time we spoke it was as if he had forgotten about it," Cronus told Trace. "I just played it safe and newver mentioned it again."

"Now, I believe you see your importance?" Trace asked. Cronus shook his head.

"No. I sawved my friend, sure, but vwhat hwawve I done here in Sgrub? Nothing much," reminded Trace.

"Perhaps not in your eyes, but do you not remember your own words? 'Just because you think you haven't done anything important doesn't mean you haven't?'" Trace countered, quoting Cronus. "Regardless, your actions prior to Sgrub have a dramatic effect on the events that happened—or could have happened—there. But that is where my time with you ends, and time with another begins." And with that Trace disappeared. Seconds later Cronus saw a shorter green man appear, this one with a green hat on with a 6 on it. This one seemed to be younger, Cronus observed, and a bit more shy. In his hand he held a white doll with several pins stuck in it, each one corresponding to the blood color of the trolls.

"Hi. I'm Die," Die said, shaking Cronus' hand. "I know you don't know me well, but Mituna met me right before his brain was damaged. It wasn't fake, I was there. It was horrific. But there's something even worse that could have happened to Mituna. I think you know what it is."

"I do. But I don't vwant to see it. Can't vwe just go back to Prospit?"

"I'm afraid not. It's the last thing you need to see, I promise."