Chapter 32

Kurloz's eyes snapped open, finding himself predictably reappearing in his hive on LOPAT. The sound of the thunder had awoken him. He ran a hand through his hair, confused and little disoriented because he wasn't sure how much time had passed since fighting Prora Methos. Usually, he noted, when one slept for a long time and woke up it always seemed like not a lot of time had passed. But for some reason he could feel that it had been an agonizingly long slumber from the Furthest Ring to waking up just now.

His first thoughts turned back to the two important people in his life; Mituna and Meulin. Most likely, Mituna was fine; Latula was capable of taking care of him. But maybe it would be worth visiting LOBMAS to check on him?

You…awake…! …Goo—

Kurloz would have gasped had he still had functioning vocal chords. That voice sounded a bit like Mituna? But how could he reach him from worlds away? And how could he speak coherently after the brain damage. Even before they had gone to Beforus it had always taken a tremendous mental strain on Mituna's part just to telepathically say one word. Kurloz had long since mastered the art and tried to teach his moirail, but after sweeps of Mituna not making progress Kurloz ended up giving up, assuming that maybe only a select few highbloods and powerful psionics could use telepathy. And whatever potential Mituna had before was now lost.

"I AM HERE, MY BROTHER. SHOOT YOUR MOTHAFUCKIN' MOUTH OFF," Kurloz told him.

Since you helped me, Mituna said, his voice's volume fluctuating, I want to help you. I don't have much time.

And then silence. Kurloz waited for a few seconds.

"SOMETHIN' WRONG?"

Nothing. After a few minutes, Kurloz figured Mituna had just gone silent. Maybe he'd talk later. Or maybe he was fine with Latula. Just to be sure, though…

UndergarmentCrusader (UC) began trolling GamerCreationist (GC)

UC: :o?

GC: oh, hey, Kurloz! Good to see you're okay. Sorry, can't talk much at the moment. Tuna and I are about to go skating down Prospit. Just want him to get out a little. He's got a helmet, he'll be fine!

UC: :o)

GC:…crap. Mituna just fell out the window. Gotta fly down and save him.

GC:…and i'm back, baby!

UC: :o)

GC: 4ND 50 4M 1! H1 KURLOZ!

GC: Mituna, be patient and let me talk to Kurloz. You'll get your turn in just a sec.

GC: H3 N3V3R T4LK5TH, TH00GH. INT ZAT R1GHT?

UC: :o)

GC: :]

Unorthodox Advancement (UA) has entered the chatroom

UA: ENJDJVIGNRKDKJFICJDMGTOGDJ #P

UA: N0 50RRY 1T'S ;LAGEOPN;ZEWROVNX

UA: C4N'T F1ND TH3 K3Y5…

GC: It's fine, I'll do it for you #8D here!

UA: 1 W4NT3D T0 D0 1T…

GC: Wouldn't you rather go skateboarding in Prospit?

UA: 0H 8OY!

UC: :o) bye

GC: by3 Kurloz!

GamerCreationist has ceased trolling UndergarmentCrusader

UA:…..

GamerCreationist has resumed trolling UndergarmentCrusader

GC: Mituna! You forgot to log off!

UnorthodoxAdvancment has ceased trolling UndergarmentCrusader

GamerCreationist has ceased trolling UndergarmentCrusader

Kurloz was relieved that Mituna was in good hands. He wasn't too sure if skateboarding was the best activity for a troll that had received so much brain damage, but he could trust Latula. Besides, Mituna could get a bunch of concussions and he still wouldn't be back to his old self again. Whatever Prora Methos did to him was likely permanent and irreversible.

And so his thoughts shifted to Meulin. Kurloz took his fill of pity and anger as he thought about what had happened to her—what he had allowed to happen to her. Meulin had to avenged, no question about that. And Meenah…she was the killer. The carapacian had said so. But he had done so in distress, because Kurloz had been so mad and would have killed him if he hadn't said anything. So had the little guy told the truth? Kurloz would have to go back to Derse to find out. And when he could find the evidence linking Meenah to the crime, he would punish her by killing her. All he would have to do then was wait for her to arrive on Derse. He could simply show up to Derse and kill Meenah's dreamself while she was awake on her planet, but that wouldn't properly avenge Meulin's death. No, he had to fight her while she was awake. That would make it more meaningful, and it would make her realize how bad her mistake to kill his matesprit had been.

So Kurloz flopped down on his recuperacoon and immersed himself in the sopor slime, trying to sleep. As he drifted off to sleep, it occurred to him to pray for wisdom and good judgement from the Mirthful Messiah. Surely Kurloz had enough faith for him to answer his prayers?

"WICKED MOTHAFUCKER OF ALL JAPERY AND MIRACULOUSNESS, GIVE ME THE STRENGTH I NEED TO SEE MY TRIALS THROUGH TO THE END!"

INDEED I WILL. FAITHFUL SERVANT, YOUR PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED IN THEIR DUE TIME. THE THIEF'S REIGN AS THE CAUSE OF TROUBLES FOR YOUR GAME WILL REACH ITS END. FEAR NOT; MY DIVINE PLAN IS SO GREAT THAT NOT EVEN SHE CAN FATHOM IT. NOW GO FORTH AND ALLY YOURSELF WITH THOSE SHE BETRAYED. HAVE COURAGE IF THEY DO NOT SEE THINGS THE WAY YOU DO, FOR AM WATCHING YOU, ALWAYS.

Kurloz gave praise to his Mirthful Messiah and woke up on Derse. Gripping his battleaxe—he had noted that each Derse dreamer had a copy of their signature weapon in their Derse bedroom—he flew to the palace. There he found an amusing but also intimidating sight:

Jack Noir sat on the throne that used to belong to the Black Queen, staring blankly into space until Kurloz appeared in front of him.

"You again!? What do ya want, kid, can't you see I was busy trying to look like the monarch I deserve to be?!" Jack slammed his fist on the armrest of his throne before standing up and walking to Kurloz, ready to face him if necessary.

"Listen, kid," Jack began, "I don't know why you decided to show your ugly face in my town AGAIN, but you better have a damn good reason to. I'm itching to resume where we left off in that battle!" Jack pointed a plasma pistol at him angrily. Kurloz scowled in return.

"YOU'RE MOTHERFUCKIN' WASTIN' MY TIME. BUT IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT AND BLEED AND DIE, THAT'S COOL WITH ME. IT'LL GET ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO MEENAH." Jack was unable to hear Kurloz's words, but none needed to be said to initiate the fight.

Kurloz whipped out his battleaxe as Jack fired his first few shots. When Kurloz swung his powerful weapon Jack immediately leaped backwards, brandishing a knife from the folds of his suit. He lunged forward, ready to stab Kurloz when suddenly a door burst open with a slam. The Draconian Dignitary appeared.

"Jack, Kurloz, what are you two doin'?! How did this even go down?"

"Stay out of this, Droog. Gotta kill all these trolls. ALL OF THEM!" Jack cried.

"Even if they hate Meenah as much as we do?" DD asked. "Both of you, put the weapons away. It's just uncivilized to have them out in the throneroom. I swear, this place's cleanliness and respectability has gone downhill since the coup. You know, Jack, you're lucky I'm here to improve public relations."

"Yeah, yeah, cut the crap and get to the chase. Why'd you come out of the monitoring room? Done with the Gray Ladies?" DD tried to hide his seething rage and embarassment.

"That…publication has no bearings on what I want to show you and Kurloz."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?" Kurloz asked. DD, unlike Jack, could actually hear Kurloz. Most women had great admiration for a gentleman trained in the mental arts.

"I've watched enough of your activities—as well as the other trolls'—to pick up a few things. You see, kid, we despise Meenah as much as you do. She didn't kill one of ours, but she did betray us. She promised us the ring, but kept it. Thought it was just jewelry. But that isn't the case," Droog said as Jack and Kurloz followed DD into the monitoring room. One of the screens was focused on Meenah's luxurious bedroom. Meenah wasn't asleep nor in her room at the moment, but her ring was lying on a table next to her recuperacoon.

"This ring can give me—or any carapacian that wears it—enough power to defeat Meenah and the White King—or better yet, both," DD told Kurloz. "Meenah has been rather lethargic lately. When she takes a nap, I'll be heading over to her world to steal her ring. You, on the other hand, can be right in her bedroom on Derse when she wakes up. You can have your confrontation, just like you want."

"WHOA, MOTHERFUCKER. HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY DESIRE TO KILL MEENAH?"

"I overheard when you mentioned it when you were talking to Jack," the Dignitary explained.

"Wait, he can talk?" Jack asked his minion.

"Don't worry, he's not bad-mouthin' you, Jack," DD reassured his boss. "And Kurloz…it's good we see eye to eye. Let's keep it this way. I don't want any more bloodshed or double-crosses."

"I SWEAR BY THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAH, I WILL NOT IMPEDE YOUR CREW!" Kurloz promised.

"Good. Now go and wait. You'll get your chance to swing that axe."