Chapter 33

Kankri and Porrim arrived on LOWAC. Searching through the forests for a pond was tough, though, so for a few minutes the two wandered endlessly.

"Kanny, we haven't tried go+ing in…that directio+n!" Porrim suggested. She had no idea where they were going, either, but she felt that it would help to randomly point to a spot.

"P9rrim, if y9u're getting triggered 6y the th9ught 9f 6eing l9st in these w99ds, y9u can always g9 6ack t9 y9ur 9wn w9rld," Kankri suggested.

"Why can't we just ask for directions from o+ne o+f these fo+rest animals?"

"P9rrim, f9r a male such myself t9 ask directi9ns w9uld 6e t9 defy and questi9n my 9wn inherent tracking sense. That w9uld 6e quite a triggering experience f9r me. It's n9t even right just t9 suggest that I d9 s9mething t9 trigger myself!"

"What is it with yo+u men and asking fo+r directions? Why is that impossible?"

"It's n9t; it's merely unwise."

"Kankri Vantas, if yo+u do+n't go+ up to+ that chipmunk o+ver there and ask fo+r so+me directio+ns to+ either the co+rpse o+f a tro+ll with wings o+r a pond where he co+uld be nearby, then I will do+ something VERY UNWISE!"

"What exactly w9uld y9u d9?" Porrim tried to stifle a growl, but then she found her solution.

"I'd be very…triggered," she said, hoping that would work. Predictably, it did, and so after getting directions from said chipmunk the two finally found Rufioh's decapitated body. Mysteriously, it showed no signs of decay.

"We're to+o+ late," Porrim remarked. "What's do+ne is done." Kankri was about to discuss how to break the news to Horuss without triggering him when hoofbeats were hard. Horuss appeared riding on Buster, and Fidusprite was following close behind, beating his little wings rapidly.

"Oh, Ho+russ! I guess Rufio+h's sprite to+ld yo+u…he's dead." Horuss said nothing to Porrim, instead just jumping off of Buster and kneeling down to Rufioh's severed head. He gave it a small kiss before speaking.

"D=='= Gone…" Horuss was ready to despair.

"It was Damara. We'll d9 whatever we can t9 help y9u st9p her. She's g9ne 9ut 9f c9ntr9l, y9u kn9w! We w9n't let her acti9ns trigger any9ne else int9 misery!" Kankri declared. But Horuss, still shaken up by what he was seeing, turned away in silence.

"D== No, friends. Now is the time that I wish to be in silence, contemplating." Horuss was about to climb back on Buster when a familiar voice started frantically speaking to him.

Tut, tut! This is certainly not the brave, strong hero I was once acquainted with? Whatever happened to him?

"D= No, Sawbuck. I have no time for you at the moment."

No time for me, lad? No time for me? This isn't the Horuss I know! He wouldn't give up and despair just because someone appeared to have died! He wouldn't just show up, get sad, sit down, and take it! No! Now is time for FAR MORE than just a stiff upper lip, lad! Now is the time for ACTION! NOW is the time to see what can be done to bring back Rufioh!

"=D What do you mean?"

Lad, if there's one thing I've learned about you, is that you're STRONG. You don't give up so easily! You don't just throw in the towel if it looks like there's rain! Or, something like that…but anyway, no sir, Horuss, you cannot give up! I shan't see it happen! My patron troll is far too clever to let this setback get in the way! There is a way to save Rufioh, if only you have the tenacity to embark on it! It will require every bit of your brain as well as your brawn, and I know you have plenty of both! You simply prefer using the latter.

"=D You still haven't told me what will bring Rufioh back."

Is it not obvious, my lad? Rufioh's head has fallen off. Normally, that would warrant death, but not in this game. I know little of the intricacies of Sgrub, but if there's one thing I am quite certain of—and my friends can verify—it's that Rufioh is not dead! When you kiss a corpse of one of your fellow players, they are revived on one of the dream worlds! So you see, Rufioh is not truly dead! He is in fact waiting for you to bring him back to life. And to that, you must simply reattach his head to a new body.

"==D A new body? How will I acquire that?"

Your skills will give you the answer, my son!

Something about what Sawbuck said struck out at Horuss. He became filled with not just hope and inspiration, but his mind began to race as well. And then he got an idea; an idea that would both bring back Rufioh and show paradox space his ingenious talent!

But since Porrim and Kankri couldn't hear Sawbuck, all they saw was Horuss suddenly come running back to them. Before they could do anything he grabbed them and settled them on Buster, along with Rufioh's dead body.

"Where are yo+u taking us?" Porrim asked.

"===D Back to my world! We have work to do to save Rufioh!" Horuss announced.

"Ho+ld o+n! I'm the Space player, at least that's what Kankri to+ld me! I'm glad yo+u're feeling better, but I do+n't think I can just sto+p what I'm do+ing to help yo+u!" Porrim's reply was a slap to the face, which understandably enraged Kankri.

"IF Y9U SLAP P9RRIM 9NE M9RE TIME I WILL 6E EXTREMELY TRIGGERED!" Kankri warned.

"No+, Kanny, it's o+k," Porrim reassured him. "It felt nice." At this she raked a sharp fingernail across Hrouss' neck.

"==D I can't wait to finally have my quadrants filled!" Horuss muttered to himself.

Erm, yes, quite. That's the spirit lad! Let your friends help you! Just don't hurt them in the process.

And so the group went back to LOTAS, but not to Horuss' hive. Instead he dropped off Kankri and Porrim and different towers.

"====D I need both of you to e%plore the towers and retrieve any scraps of metal that you can find. Iron, steel, anything will do! Just grab what you can lying around and take it back to my hive." His hive would stick out in plain sight, he knew, so he didn't bother giving Kanrki or Porrim any directions back.

Kankri armed himself with the Orb of Conflict, a new Tazerjet, and a new knife gun (remember those old weapons he had?) Porrim equipped herself with the Penguin's Bane, a pair of spiked heels like Damara's, and a few knitting needles. She could either use those to stab people or to strangle them with thread she could hold with the needles! What? It's weapon/object duality, people, a basic concept in Homestuck! Fidusprite was harmless little bull plush, so enemies overlooked him. All Horuss needed were Buster, Sawbuck's badge, and of course his bare fists. The group was about to split up and go to the towers Horuss had selected for each of them when Porrim had an idea.

"Wait just a seco+nd, guys. I've go+ an idea abo+ut ho+w we can bypass all this busy wo+rk," Porrim suggested. "Stitch, are you there?"

"=====D Typical female. So eager to e%cuse herself from duties involving physical labor. Not at all like a strong man such as…myself!" Horuss had to glance at Kankri to confirm that he was not a "strong man".

"O+ne more wo+rd like that, Ho+russ, and my spiked heel go+es up yo+ur ass!" Porrim threatened with a smug grin. Horuss began to sweat with glee. Kankri was growing tired of these blackrom antics and couldn't wait for them to split up. But first Porrim had to talk to Stitch.

"Stitch? Are yo+u listening? If yo+u are, this is Po+rrim. Is there any way yo+u can send me an effigy o+f Rufio+h? I was ho+ping that if I co+uld sew his head back to+ his bo+dy we c+ould try and revive him."

No. I abscholutely cannot do thisch. It violatesch the rulesch eschatblisched for me asch an exile. I cannot schimply pick favoritesch and let thosche you want to live to live, and thosch who you want to die to die.

"What do yo+u mean? Yo+u sent me that effigy of Ho+russ!"

That wasch different. I wasch merely giving you an opportunity to indulge in your fantaschiesch. Mattersch of life and death are far more scheriousch, and I cannot intervene.

"O+h. Well, it was wo+rth a sho+. Guess we're all go+ing to+ be lo+o+king fo+r metal, then," Porrim told the others. And so off they went.