Matter Of Life And Love

by Barbara Conrady

Author's note about the time line:

The story starts at the end of the Year-One-episode "Matter of Life and Death" which I set in December 1999, three months after "Breakaway". Some events from the Year-One-Series have already happened – it doesn't really matter which ones; the reader has only to imagine that the Alphans already experienced some adventures before discovering the planet "Terra Nova" and have grown together as a community. The period between Chapter 1 and Chapter 5 comprises almost one year (from December 1999 to November 2000), during which the rest of the Year-One-events and all Year-Two-events take place. So Chapter 5 begins in November 2000. Chapters 6 to 13 span about two months, so the story ends a little more than one year after "Matter of Life and Death": in January 2001.

Prologue

September 1994:

E-mail from Lee Russell, on board of the Pegasus, to Helena Russell

My dearest Helena,

thank you for your message. I miss you too. Very much… I wish you were here so I could share this fantastic experience with you. We had an incredibly beautiful view of our galaxy today. Every time I go out into space I get overwhelmed by the thought of how small we human beings are, how small our planet Earth is in this infinite universe… I've talked to Captain O'Neill about it, and he said even after being an astronaut for more than twenty years, he never loses this feeling of awe whenever he goes on a space mission. I think I know what he means. By the way, good old Gary made us all laugh yesterday when he proudly took his guitar out of his personal luggage! He said the mysterious atmosphere in space inspires him to compose "spherical music". Sometimes I really think we astronauts are just a bunch of crazy guys. - We'll probably reach Jupiter's orbit tomorrow. Then we'll get really busy. But I'm excited about all the work that's waiting for us. The time until October will pass like nothing.

I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.

All my love,

Lee

Chapter 1

Helena stood by the big window, watching the planet Terra Nova slowly disappearing in the distance. She fought back the tears that filled her eyes and were about to stream over her face. No. She would not cry. She had cried enough for the past five years and she didn't want to cry any more. She felt as though her heart was being ripped out of her chest, but she knew she would survive it.

I must survive it, she said to herself. I must. Lee was right. He can't live in our world, and I can't live in his.

Helena closed her eyes for a moment and saw the sad look on his face when he said these words to her.

I could feel it was hard for him to say this to me. But he was right. All we can do is live our own lives, apart from each other. There is no other way.

She took a deep breath, ignoring the pain in her throat.

And there's John. I am happy with John now. I already started a new life. Lee belongs to the past. Yes. My life with Lee is a beautiful memory. And that's it. It's over.

She stood back from the window and turned to leave. Then she saw John slowly approaching her. "Are you all right, Helena?" he asked softly.

"Yes. Sure. I'm all right. I… I guess it was a hard day for all of us. I better try to get some sleep now."

"You're right. You look very tired, Helena. Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning." He kissed her. "Good night."

"Good night, John."

Alone in her quarters, Helena didn't feel like going to bed right away. She couldn't relax yet. Too much had happened today. She sat down on a chair and buried her face in her hands, trying to calm down.

A beep from her commlock told her someone was at her door. What can it be? she thought unwillingly. I'm not on duty tonight. I'll tell him or her to go to Dr. Vincent's.

"Helena, it's me, Sarafena."

"Sarafena! Come in."

Sarafena was a medical technician and married to Dr. Bob Mathias. She and her husband had become close friends with Helena during the past couple of months they had been working together on the Moonbase.

"I don't want to disturb you, Helena, I know you must be exhausted. I just thought you could use some of my special herb tea."

"Oh Sarafena, this is like a gift from heaven. It's just what I need right now. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome!" Sarafena smiled her beautiful smile and placed the steaming teapot on a small table. Then she looked at Helena, lovingly concerned. "Anything else I can do for you?"

"No, you're very sweet. Thank you. I'm all right. And tell Bob… tell him I want to say thank you for… for taking care of Lee today." She could hardly speak the last few words because the pain was mounting again in her throat. Damn it, I don't want to cry! But suddenly her power left her, and she couldn't hold back any longer. She sobbed helplessly.

"Oh Helena…" Sarafena embraced her and held her for a while. Helena struggled to compose herself. "I'm… I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize. It's okay. But are you sure you're all right? I could stay a little longer if you like. Maybe it will help you to talk about it."

"No, Sarafena, that's really kind of you, but talking won't do any good, I guess."

"Well, if you change your mind, you can come to our place any time. Bob and I are always there for you, you know that."

"I know," Helena said, feeling a wave of warmth washing over her. "It feels good to have such wonderful friends." She managed to smile.

After Sarafena had left, Helena sat down again and sipped her tea. She closed her eyes as she felt peace and tranquility unfolding inside her. God bless you, Sarafena, she thought. She took a deep breath, this time without pain in her throat.

As she stood up to get ready for bed, her eyes were caught by a leather-bound book on the shelf beside the sofa she had been sitting on. My diary, she thought. I haven't written anything for a long time…

In bed, she sat for a while with the diary in her hand, absentmindedly running her fingers through the pages. She took a pen and started to write; the words flowed out of her naturally and without any restraint.

December 10th, 1999

"Terra Nova Day"

I remember the first time I tasted Sarafena's tea. It was six months ago. Three months before John came to Alpha and we met for the first time.

The day was the fifth anniversary of the Astro Seven accident. Commander Gorski, who had known all the members of the Astro Seven mission personally, had organised a commemoration ceremony. I felt very uncomfortable there. I guess I was terrified to face this tragedy again… But as Lee's wife – or widow, as I was supposed to be – there was no way for me to get away from it. I tried to deal with it rationally: Okay, let's just go there and get it over with. I stayed very cool and calm throughout the whole ceremony – almost. In the end, they showed this video documentary about the members of the mission, portraying each member. I didn't even know such a documentary had been made. Lee hadn't told me anything about it. I understood why when Commander Gorski explained that it had been meant as a surprise, to be shown after the mission's successful return. (By the way, I had almost been on that mission myself. But in the end it didn't work out because a different doctor was chosen by the Space Commission. Lee and I were both disappointed, but we couldn't do anything about it.) Anyway, every member was introduced, their characteristics, hobbies, special abilities and qualifications etc., every one of them was interviewed.

Watching Lee moving around in that film - he looked so happy and excited - hearing his voice again after five years… I wasn't prepared for that. Even now, I don't know what really happened. I only remember that suddenly I was kneeling on the floor. Bob, who had been sitting beside me during the ceremony, helped me up, then put his arm around me and asked something like: "Can you walk?" Somehow he managed to drag me out of the room. I remember I was shaking uncontrollably. As we stumbled down the corridor making our way to Bob's quarters, I noticed that my hands, my shirt, everything was wet. Until then I hadn't even realized I was crying. Bob led me into his quarters where Sarafena was relaxing on her day off. "Bob! Back already? How… Oh my God! Helena!"

She took me in her arms where I totally broke down – I sobbed and couldn't stop for hours, or so it seems to me. Poor Sarafena – all my anguish broke over her. She held me until I finally calmed down a bit. As I was sitting on their sofa, completely exhausted, Bob wrapped a wool blanket around me (I was still shaking) and Sarafena brought me a cup of indefinably smelling herb tea. "Drink this, my dear. It will make you feel better."

"What is it?" I asked faintly.

"A recipe from my great-grandmother. Very, very old. It has been passed on for countless generations. It's something that you doctors…" She cast an eloquent glance at her husband, "do not know."

I didn't really care what it was, I would have drunk anything at that moment that promised to make me feel better, or make me fall asleep and never wake up again. But as I drank, the effect was amazing. I began to feel relaxed and at peace with myself.

At last, I was able to talk. "Sarafena, Bob… I don't know what to say. We haven't known each other very long… You must think I'm quite hysterical. But in fact, I don't cry easily. And I hate to cry in the presence of others. Today was… different. I'm sorry I behaved like this. So… self-indulgent."

Bob and Sarafena both sat down and looked at me. Sarafena took my hand. "Don't apologize, Helena. You went through so much pain. The way you behaved was perfectly normal."

"That's true, Helena. And you should know. After all, you are an excellent doctor with a lot of psychological knowledge, aren't you!"

"Well… I don't know how excellent I am, but I do have some psychological knowledge. If I was talking to a patient now, who had the same problem, I would probably tell them the same thing. It's much easier for me to be broad-minded toward other people than toward myself."

"You're too hard on yourself, Helena. Look what you've been through. You lost the man you loved. Is there anything worse that could ever possibly happen to a person?" Sarafena shuddered. "Just the thought that something might happen to Bob…"

"But it's been already five years… Why don't I get over it?"

Sarafena gently pressed my hand. "I believe when you really love someone… time doesn't make any difference."

"We were so happy, Sarafena, I just can't describe it. Every moment we spent together was so – full of fondness. The six years of our marriage were…" I was on the verge of tears again, so I stopped talking. Bob and Sarafena waited patiently until I had composed myself.

"I wanted to be there with him on the mission. He wanted that, too. But the Space Commission picked somebody else. It doesn't seem right. Why did he have to die and leave me here alone? We were so happy, we could have died right then. Our lives would have been short, but fulfilled, and we would have been together…"

"Don't say anything like that, Helena!" Sarafena looked troubled. "It was not meant to be for you to die then. There is a reason why you survived. I'm sure. Maybe you don't understand it now, but one day…"

She didn't quite convince me.

"And what about your family? When you return to Earth, they'll need you."

"Family? I don't have a family, Sarafena. My father died just after I graduated from Medical School, and my mother followed him only a few months later. I don't have any brothers or sisters. Lee was my family. And his sister, her husband and their children – I had grown very close to them."

"Oh, I remember – I saw that cute little drawing of your niece on the wall in your office."

"Now that you mention it, I saw that, too," Bob said. They were talking about a drawing my niece Ina (Lee's sister's daughter) had made when she was seven or eight years old. It was a portrait of me wearing a white coat, holding a huge syringe, with glaring yellow hair, flashy green eyes and a big smile on my face. Doctor Auntie Hel was written under it in her big, clumsy children's handwriting. I love this drawing so much I just had to take it to Alpha…

"Ina is thirteen now, and her brother Mitch is fifteen. Their mother, Jane, has always been like a sister to me." I sighed. "I miss them all."

"So you do have a family."

I nodded. "You're right. There are people waiting for me on Earth, and maybe I shouldn't have such a negative view of life."

We talked more, and little by little I started to feel relieved. I realized my problem was that I had never really talked about my grief. I had retired into myself, trying to hide my emotions. Probably most people think I'm quite tough and cool. I have this sense of pride inside me, I want to have everything under control. As a doctor, this may be a good quality. But as a woman…

I think it was very late when I finally left Bob's and Sarafena's quarters that day. I hugged them both. "I don't know how to thank you."

They just laughed. "Don't mention it!"

Sarafena looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes. "You know, you are always welcome to have some of my herb tea."

"Thank you, medicine woman."

We smiled at each other. Sarafena has a remarkable knowledge of herbs and plants. (Even here on the Moon she manages to cultivate some.) Her great-grandmother, who belonged to the tribe of the Ogoni in Nigeria, had been the last one in a long line of medicine women who had passed on their knowledge for centuries, or even longer…

It's always fascinating to talk with Sarafena about these things. I may be a conventional physician, but that doesn't mean there is nothing more for me to learn.

I am lucky, very lucky indeed, to have such marvelous friends. But still… Bob and Sarafena are a happily married couple, they are both very busy and have little time to spend with each other. I know how hard this can be. So I have to be careful not to trouble them too much.

Now I know Lee is alive. He never died. But yet, he is absolutely out of my reach. In this universe, there is no place for the two of us to be together.

I wonder if the event today was a sign for me to finally say goodbye to Lee? Was that why I met John? Did fate mean this as a chance for me to start all over again? Start a new life – and be happy again?

Chapter 2

The next night, when Helena went to see John in his quarters, he rushed to her the moment she entered. "Sorry I had so little time for you today, Helena. There was so much to do…"

"It's okay, John. I was very busy too."

After a kiss, he looked at her, his eyes full of affection. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. But…"

"But what?"

Helena sighed. "It's just… after all what happened yesterday, I'm feeling a bit… downcast. Please… hold me for a little while."

John took her in his arms and held her close. Helena pressed her face to his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body, his protecting arms around her.

"Helena, is there anything that's depressing you? Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Just hold me. Hold me."

John held her. God, I love this woman, he thought. I want to see her happy.

Later, in bed, John noticed how tired Helena was when she slowly picked up her clothes to get ready to return to her own quarters. "Wait a minute. Why don't you just stay for the night?"

With a little smile, Helena turned to him. "People will start gossipping when they see me coming out of your quarters early in the morning."

"They are gossipping anyway. Besides, I don't care what people say. I'm not embarrassed about being in love with a wonderful woman."

"Oh, John…" Helena smiled again and sat down on the bed beside him. "I accept your invitation. But I'm so tired, I think I'll be asleep within some seconds."

"No problem. Oh, you can wear this if you want. It's clean." He gave her one of his T-shirts.

"Thanks. Good night."

Lee and his crew members were on their way to the spacecraft that would take them on their mission. One last moment to say goodbye. "Lee, be careful, please."

"You know I'll be. I promise. Don't worry, darling. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. Then I'll tell you everything."

"I wish I could be there with you."

"I know. It's too bad you can't come with us. I wish you could. But there will be another chance! And you are always with me – here in my heart." He took her hand and placed it to his heart. "We'll always be together."

"Lee…" She held him, didn't want to let him go.

He held her tightly in his arms, didn't want to let her go either. They kissed.

"I must go now. Take care, my love, and don't worry." One last kiss, and he was gone.

Glaring beams of light… the spacecraft in the middle of it… a flash… an explosion…

"Lee! No! Noooo!"

"Helena! Helena! Wake up! It's all right!"

Helena gasped, her eyes wide open, her heart beating wildly. "The spacecraft… the explosion… Lee…"

"You were dreaming, Helena. It's all right now. It was only a dream. Come on, lie down again."

Little by little, Helena realized she was sitting in John's bed. She felt desperate and confused. "What happened?"

"You were screaming and tossing around. You must have had a very bad dream." He firmly held her shoulders, looking at her anxiously. "Are you feeling better now?"

Helena nodded automatically. With a sigh, she lay down again. "I saw the accident."

"The accident?"

"The Astro Seven accident. In my dream, I saw it happen. I saw the spacecraft disappear in a beam of light."

"Was that why you screamed?"

"I guess so." Helena closed her eyes as if to block out a horrible vision.

"You… you called his name. You called ´Lee´."

Helena nodded, her eyes still closed. She didn't mention the moment in her dream she said goodbye to Lee. It was too painful.

John wanted to ask more questions, but he decided to let Helena rest. "Get some sleep now. Everything's all right." He gently stroked her hair, kept on doing so until her deep and regular breathing told him she was asleep again.

John couldn't go back to sleep for a long while. He had encountered a new Helena during the past two days: A Helena with a past. He wasn't at all sure how to deal with this.

Chapter 3

Several months later, on the drifting planet Terra Nova

Institute for Antimatter Research, established in 1995 by Captain Angus O´Neill and his Astro Seven crew

Astrophysicist Gary Sheffield looked very excited when he brought the news to his friend Lee Russell. "It looks like we really did it this time! Our work was not in vain! We are… we can be human again!"

Lee smiled when he took the report paper from Sheffield. "Gary, we've been human all the time. We were just ´antimatter human´. Now we can be ´matter human´ again. And that means… if our calculations are right and we are on our way back to Earth orbit, we can really go home and live like… ´Terrestrians´ again."

"Hey, you don't look too excited about all that!"

"And you know why."

"Oh Lee, come on. Are you still waiting for a miracle to happen? Don't the words ´give up´ mean anything to you?"

"Is it so hard to understand I… want to be with my wife?"

"No, surely it's not hard to understand. But has it never occurred to you that maybe she… uh… isn't your wife any more?"

"Of course it has occurred to me. I'm thinking about it all the time. It's just… when we met again after five years, when she finally knew I was alive… the circumstances were so chaotic I had to use almost all of my energy to survive in the matter environment, and the rest I had to use to try to convince those people not to come to Terra Nova. There was no chance for us to have a clarifying talk… or hardly talk at all."

Lee was lost in thought for a while. Then he said, "It's that crazy Commander."

"Huh?"

"The new man in Helena's life."

"What was his name again?"

"John Koenig."

"Koenig – never heard before. What kind of name is that?"

"It's German and means ´king´."

"Ah, I see. And now you suspect he's going to make Helena his queen?"

"I'm afraid he's already done that."

"How do you know?"

"Gary. When I was there on Alpha, I was dizzy and weak most of the time, but I was not blind. I remember the way he looked at her. I also remember the way he barked at her, ´Stay away from him!´ when the guards took me to his office to be interrogated. It was all too obvious."

"But what about her?"

Lee shook his head, a sad expression on his face. "I'm not sure. Or let's say: I'm frightened to face the truth. But it's torturing me not to know what's really going on. How she really feels about me now. If she still feels anything about me!" He turned to Gary who was still sitting beside him, listening to him sympathetically, and burst out desperately: "These six years, Gary – all that's made me keep going was the thought of Helena. The hope that one day we would be together again. But the more time passed – one year, two years, three years – the more I knew that chances were becoming less and less. Just imagine: A woman like Helena. Attractive. Successful. Brilliant. With an important profession and a natural sense of authority. And with a… special something I can't even describe."

He paused. "And that's not all. She is such a loving woman, so warm-hearted, tender… I definitely cannot blame John Koenig for falling in love with her. I guess no man could resist her charm."

"Hmmm… I'm not really sure about that. Please don't be offended - I don't want to say anything against her - but speaking for me, I prefer girls who are… more traditional, if you know what I mean. Home-loving and in need of someone strong to protect her. I don't think I could live with a woman who's all wrapped up in her work. Didn't she find it hard to be a full-time doctor and a good housewife at the same time?"

Lee smiled, his eyes were full of tenderness. "She was no housewife at all. It was mostly me who did the cooking, and…"

"You?" Gary couldn't believe it.

"Yes, why not? I enjoyed cooking for her. She loved my Thai curry. And for all the other things – laundry, cleaning and so on – we always had domestic help. So that was no problem. We both had our jobs, and… we had a very happy life."

Gary nodded, then smiled contently. "Well, Elaine is a different type – she's just the right girl for me. I'm really lucky to have found her – and all this wouldn't have happened without that accident. On Earth, we'd probably never have met." Elaine Faraday was a nutritionist who had been with them on the Astro Seven mission. She and Gary had developed a loving relationship over the years they spent together on the planet.

With a wry smile, Lee remarked, "Well, I'm glad at least for you there was something good about the accident."

"Oh man. You really did have bad luck. You were the only one among us who was married. All the rest of us were just… you know, we had nothing to lose."

Lee nodded. "And now that it looks like our drifting planet is really on its way to Earth orbit, she is not there. She's on the Moon that was thrown out of Earth orbit, and out of ours as well. Gary, what sense does it make for me to go back to Earth – without the woman I love?"

Chapter 4

"Yasko, your chronic headache and dizziness is due to overwork at the computer. There's no doubt about it. If you take it easy for a couple of days, you should be all right," Helena said with a reassuring smile. "But let's do a blood test, just to be sure. Jenny, would you please…"

"Oh, Jenny-chan, you'll draw blood from me? Don't sting me too hard with that long needle!" Yasko grimaced in mock fear when she saw her friend approaching with an injection. The two young women giggled, then Jenny disinfected Yasko's arm.

Jenny Mika Takahashi, a nurse in her early twenties, was born in New York after her parents had immigrated from Japan. Like Yasko and many other Alphans, she was bilingual, speaking her native language as well as English. It was Jenny's habit to address Helena as"Sensei", which is a respectful Japanese term for "teacher" or "master" and is also used for doctors.

"As a little girl, I was really afraid of injections and everything that had to do with being sick," Yasko said. "My big brother used to make fun of me and said I was the most chickenhearted girl on the whole island of Kyushu…"

"Oh, I didn't know you're from Kyushu!" Helena said, sitting down beside her. "It's such a beautiful place."

"Have you been there, Sensei?" Jenny asked surprisedly.

Helena nodded with a dreamy expression on her face, and her eyes seemed to look somewhere in the distance. "I went to Southern Japan twelve years ago. It was a wonderful journey. Nagasaki is a fascinating town with its long history… And the hot spring baths in the countryside! I loved to take a bath outside at night, with the beautiful scenery of a Japanese garden around me. The moon was very beautiful." She smiled. „I remember I could see the ´rabbit´ quite clearly."

"A rabbit? What rabbit?" Bob asked, who had entered the room a moment before.

"In Japan, we don't have a ´man in the moon´. We have a ´rabbit in the moon´," Yasko explained.

"Ah." Looking even more confused, Bob gave up and turned to his work.

"I'm glad you liked Kyushu so much, Dr. Russell. If you like, I can show you some photos of my home town later," Yasko said.

"I'd love to see them," Helena said gently.

Helena rushed into Care Unit where Lee was struggling with the security guards. "Lee! Lee, it's all right." Lee saw her and relaxed immediately. John ordered the guards to take Lee to his office, then he told Helena to stay away from him. "No, John," Helena said firmly, "I will be by his side." She passed him to follow the men. In John's office, she sat down beside her husband, taking his hand in hers. Lee sqzeezed her hand gently. "Helena, I want you to leave," John said in a husky voice. Helena just looked into his eyes, her look was calm and determined. Finally, John had to lower his eyes. It was useless to try to make her leave.

The interrogation began. Lee answered all questions exactly and patiently. He made it clear how dangerous it was for the Alphans to go to the antimatter planet Terra Nova. "I came here to warn you, to keep you all from experiencing great disaster," he said. "Somehow – sorry, I can't remember how – I managed to get on your … Eagle. But I have to leave soon. I feel I'm getting weak. My antimatter body cannot survive here for long, and your matter bodies cannot survive on Terra Nova. I'm so sorry. I'm sure my crew members and Captain O'Neill would have welcomed you all. And I would have been so happy to have you there." He looked at Helena, his eyes sad and lonely. "Now all I can do is say goodbye." He let go of her hand hesitantly. "I'm afraid to touch you any longer, Helena. The last time I touched you when I was emotionally upset – I was so worried about you – I gave you an electric shock. I'm afraid it could happen again because I'm emotionally upset now. I can't control it."

Helena's eyes filled with tears. "It will be all right. Let's just be very careful." She leaned to him and brought her face close to his. They kissed very softly and tenderly. "Goodbye, my love," Lee whispered, then he was gone.

Helena woke up. I dreamed of Lee again, she thought. I dream of him so often lately. This time it wasn't just a memory that reappeared in my dream. This time it was something else… something I wished? People mostly dream of things they wish – or fear.

I kissed Lee in my dream. Lee… It's true: The scene I dreamed was something I wished. Although I didn't blame John or anybody else for what happened to Lee, I always thought to myself, if I only had been with him during the interrogation, he would have had the strength to explain everything comprehensively. Then he wouldn't have collapsed, apparently dead, and John surely wouldn't have ignored his warning, and we all wouldn't have gone through that nightmarish experience on Terra Nova. If. But it doesn't make any sense to think about that now.

It just happened the way it happened. I have to accept that.

Captain O'Neill… where did I hear that name before? – Yes, of course. He was the captain in command at Astro Seven. If I understood Lee right when he explained the situation to me that day on Terra Nova, the crew members must all be there on the planet.

Well, I've got more important things to worry about. Three months have already passed since that day… So much has happened since then.

She took a pillow and clasped it in her arms, pressing it to her breast.

Why does it hurt so much to think of Lee when I have such a loving, caring partner like John? What the hell is wrong with me?

Chapter 5

"What the hell is wrong with you, Helena?" Irritated, John looked at her. She was sitting at the working desk in her quarters.

"I… just want to be alone, John. Sometimes I need to be alone."

"Sometimes!" John paced the room disgruntedly. "During the past couple of months, you have changed, Helena. I don't know if you noticed. We've been through so many things together. We discovered and lost planets. We were threatened by aliens. More than once we were in really dangerous situations where we had to fear for each other's lives. God, when I remember that time warp experience in Scotland when you were so ill…" He shook his head. "Or when the Moon went through the space warp while Tony and I were out exploring, and we were lightyears apart. Still I found my way back to you. Doesn't all that mean anything to you?"

"Of course it does."

"I thought all this brought us closer to each other!"

"But… I do feel close to you, John."

"Then why are you kicking me out again?"

"I just…"

"… want to be alone. Yes. I got that." He looked offended. "I guess I'd better go then." He rushed out of the room.

Helena sighed. No wonder he got angry, she thought. He's hurt. I can't blame him. He doesn't deserve to be treated like this. I don't understand myself what's going on with me. Am I going crazy? But the fact is I do want to be alone.

She got up and wandered around restlessly. I'm having these dreams, she thought. I'm avoiding being alone with John lately. I love John. But I can't be with him now.

Something's wrong with me. Should I talk to Bob about it?... No. I don't want to talk about it. She started to clean up some books and files that had piled up on her desk, the room divider and a small table. Just forget it! I'll pull myself together and forget all that rubbish! I'm living n o w! And I wan e! I want to be happy! She smashed the books and files into her bookshelf.

Suddenly, she felt very tired.

Whang! John's bamboo sword crashed violently on his partner's. The blow was so heavy that the partner lost his balance and fell. This brought John back to his senses. He held out his hand to help him up. "Are you okay, Bob?"

"Wow! That was a hard one, John! – I'm okay, no problem. But what about you? I've never seen you like this before."

They walked to the locker-room, sat down on a bench and removed their Kendo-masks. John breathed heavily, sweat was running down his face. He wiped it away with a towel. "I… oh, shit."

Bob grinned. "Could you be a bit more specific?"

"It's Helena. I don't know what's going on inside her. Our relationship used to be so good. But recently…" He shook his head. "Bob, you know her quite well, don't you. You've known her longer than I have…"

"Not so much longer, actually. Just a few months."

"Anyway. You work with her every day. I know she trusts you. And you are a psychologist. Can't you try to find out what's wrong with her? Maybe there's something that's troubling her, and she doesn't want to talk to me about it. But I want to help her if I can."

Bob began to untie his armour, sighing with a worried frown. "I understand that, John." He got up to get refreshing drinks for them both. As he rummaged in the ice-box, he remembered the day almost one year ago, the fifth anniversary of Lee's accident when the commemoration ceremony was held. He had never seen Helena so distraught. Like a flash, the events of the day they had encountered the planet Terra Nova emerged in his mind. Wondering if there was any connection between all that and Helena's current state of secluding herself from John, he returned with the drinks, and sat down again. He looked at his friend. "Talk to her. Try to be patient. In time she will open up to you, I'm sure."

"Helena, it's me. Can I come in?"

"Sure!"

He walked in, looking a bit embarrassed. "Helena, I'm sorry about yesterday. I want to apologize for having lost my temper."

With a little smile, Helena said, "It's okay, John." She gave him a warm, affectionate kiss. John felt relieved as he hugged her. They held each other for a while, saying nothing.

Then John stood back from her, holding her hands. He had to say it now, he couldn't wait one more minute. "Helena. We…we've known each other for some time now. It's been fifteen months since we first met, and I'm in love with you since that day. You are the most fascinating, exciting woman I ever met." He took a deep breath. "Helena. Marry me. Be my wife."

Helena stopped breathing. A shooting flash struck her heart, then her head. She felt her knees give in and reached for something to hold on to.

"With this ring I thee wed…"

She sank in John's arms. "Helena…! What's wrong?!"

"I declare you now husband and wife…"

Carefully, John led her to her bed and helped her lie down.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Lee lifted her veil and kissed her tenderly.

So many people smiling, wishing them good luck…

"We will always be together."

"Dr. Russell, may I shake your hand. Your husband was the finest man I've ever met."

"What do you mean: He was?"

"H… haven't you been told yet?"

"Told what?"

No! It's not true! Tell me it's not true! They can't just disappear like that! He promised me he'd be back soon! He can't be dead! He can't be!…

"She's fainting! Somebody get a doctor, quick!"

"Helena! Can you hear me?" It was Bob's voice. He and John looked at her with concern.

Helena slowly opened her eyes. "What…?"

"You collapsed," Bob said calmly, "You need a little rest now. I'm afraid the shift last night was too hard for you. I was worried all the time since you didn't rest during the day. Helena, thirty-six hours without proper sleep is too much!"

Helena nodded. "You're right, of course. Sorry I troubled you both. I'll be more careful from now on."

"Good." Bob turned to John. "She'll be all right, John. We better let her sleep for a while."

John leaned over to kiss her. "I'll drop in again in a few hours." Then he and Bob left.

The night shift, Helena thought. I know it was more than just the night shift. It was something else…

In the evening, John found her sitting in an armchair studying some medical reports. "Hey, you're working again?"

"Just a little bit. I just finished reading this one so I'll be prepared for tomorrow."

John sat down. "Helena… do you remember… I mean… what we talked about just before you…?"

Helena closed her eyes for a moment. "Yes. I remember." She had blocked it out of her mind, but now it came back.

"What do you say?"

"John… I… I am married," she heard herself say.

"You are…" John was taken aback. This was a reaction he hadn't expected. "Okay. Well. Look…" He leaned forward, looking into her eyes, trying hard to find the right words. "I know the situation is not easy for you. Your husband who you thought was dead for five years is alive after all. You found out just a couple of months ago. But Helena…" He sighed, ran his hands through his hair, "I don't know how to say this to you. I don't want to hurt your feelings. But look. He is really far, far away. It could be billions of lightyears by now. And that's not all. He is antimatter now. Even if he was somewhere nearby, he couldn't survive in our world, just as little as we could survive in his. That's what he told you, isn't it?"

Helena nodded. Her face was pale and blank.

"Can you really call this a marriage anymore?"

"Probably not," Helena whispered.

"You see. I don't think we have to worry about him. He will never know anyway. And even if he knew, don't you think he would want you to be happy?"

"I guess he would," Helena whispered.

"So where's the problem?"

Helena didn't answer. She couldn't think of a problem. Why am I hesitating? she wondered.

"Legally, it shouldn't be a problem," John went on. "You know, we do have the authority here on Alpha to contract marriages. And since he's been… well… officially dead for more than five years, the marriage should be legally accepted even if we return to Earth some day. And Helena…" John paused for a second, still worried about upsetting her, "Let's be realistic. We don't know anything about his situation. He's been living on that planet for such a long time, with all the other Astro Seven crew members. There are men and women, right? Maybe he found someone too."

He could see Helena wince, but when she spoke, her voice was calm and settled as usual. "You're right, John. It is possible. Maybe that would be the best… for all of us."

John took her hand in his. "I love you, Helena. I want to spend my life with you."

"I… love you too, John. But please… give me some time. I can't give you an answer yet. Forgive me."

John kissed her hand he had been holding, then stood up. "There's no hurry. Think about it. Let me know when you've made up your mind."

After John left, Helena went to her bookshelf and took Lee's framed photo out of it. She sat down again, watching the photo for a while. Lee smiled at her, in his happily shining hazel eyes there was no foreboding of the calamity he was to go through.

Lee Russell, don't interfere with my life anymore. Stop appearing in my dreams and reminding me of our happiness all the time. – She felt anger welling up inside her. – It was you who left me, remember? Why did you go on that stupid mission in the first place? Now it's too late. I had to learn to live without you. I was thrown into deep water and I had to learn to swim, or I would have drowned. I went through hell, but now I'm living again, and I won't allow my life to be disturbed. Let me go!

For a moment, she felt like smashing the photo on the wall. But then she came to her senses.

Wait a minute. I'm unfair now. Lee didn't leave me on purpose. He wanted to be together with me the same way I wanted to be with him. It was his job to go on that mission. Can anyone blame him for just doing his job? Did he ever blame me for doing my job? No. He always supported me, always encouraged me. How can I blame him…

She looked at the photo again. – He didn't do anything to interfere with my life. He saved my life. He saved all our lives. If it hadn't been for him, we would all have died on Terra Nova. He gave us the strength to recover and to return to Alpha. It's not that he won't let me go – I'm the one who won't let him go!

She tenderly touched the photo. – I believe it's time to say goodbye.

Thank you, Lee, for being such a marvellous husband. Thank you for six wonderful years. You made me so happy. I don't regret anything. It was a blessing to be married to you.

She wiped away some tears that had dropped on the photo. Then she stood up and put it in a drawer of her bookshelf, covering it with some paper. Finally, she took off the ring she had been wearing for the past twelve years. She clutched it in her hand for a moment, then placed it carefully next to the photo and slowly closed the drawer. – Goodbye… my love.

She turned away from the bookshelf, watching the chair John had been sitting on.

I will accept John's proposal. I will tell him. Tomorrow.

Chapter 6

"What?! Are you sure? Is there absolutely no doubt?!" Lee was so excited he almost tore the new report paper to pieces as he took it from Gary.

"No doubt, Lee. The Moon is within range again."

"Oh my God… I… I must see Captain O'Neill right now!" He rushed out before Gary could say anything.

"That's how my situation is, Captain," Lee concluded and took a deep breath. "It's very likely that this is my last chance."

Captain Angus O'Neill nodded pensively. "I see. So your wife is the Chief Medical Officer on Moonbase Alpha?"

"Yes, sir. That's what I was told when I was there. I am very proud of her."

O'Neill nodded again. "You know, Mr. Russell, we cannot foresee exactly how long the Moon will stay in our orbit. We only know it won't be for a long time – one month or two months, probably even less. Then the Moon and our planet will drift apart again. We'll go on into Earth orbit, that's for sure, but what will happen to the Moon?" He raised his hands with his palms turned upside to show there was no way of knowing. "I wish there was a way to transfer the whole crew of Moonbase Alpha to Terra Nova and take them back to Earth with us. But it will take several months, maybe a year, until we reach Earth. They definitely couldn't stay alive that long on our antimatter planet."

"I know, sir," Lee said quietly. "That's why I want… I would like to go to Alpha one more time. Since we've been able to adjust ourselves to both matter and antimatter environments, I could go there without any difficulty this time. I could at last… talk to my wife."

O'Neill watched him closely. "Mr. Russell, I can read in your eyes what you are up to."

Lee let out his breath in a deep sigh. "Captain, the truth is I don't really know what I am up to. It all depends on how my wife will react to meeting me again. If I see she is happy there without me, maybe even married again…" He had trouble speaking about this point, "I will return to Terra Nova at once. But if… if she asks me to stay…" He closed his eyes for a moment. "I know how small the chance is after all those years, but if… In that case, I would like to ask your permission to stay on Moonbase Alpha. Provided that I would be accepted as a crew member."

O'Neill still watched him. "You would do that even without my permission."

Lee looked at the ground. "Yes, Captain. I believe I would. I beg your pardon, sir."

O'Neill sighed. "There is no use to try to hold you back. I'm well aware of that. Do what you have to do."

Lee looked relieved. "Thank you, sir."

O'Neill made a refusing gesture. "We better try to contact Alpha now. Let's go to the Computer Centre."

"Commander! Commander! Paul, where is he?" Sandra dashed into Command Centre.

"Hey Sahn, what's the matter? You look like you're bursting with some good news!"

"We just got in touch with this planet Terra Nova again!"

"Terra Nova… oh my goodness, don't remind me of that one."

"But this time, there's something different. Now where's the Commander?"

"Cool down, Sahn, he's busy right now. There's something wrong with Eagle One. He's out there talking to the mechanics. Why don't you just tell me what's going on?" He put his arm around her, and they sat down.

"I talked to a certain Captain O'Neill," Sandra explained. "He was the captain in command at the Astro Seven mission, you know, the one Dr. Russell's husband took part in. After the accident in nineteen ninety-four, the spacecraft stranded on the drifting planet Terra Nova, and the crew – they all survived – has been living there ever since. They founded an institute for antimatter research, and now, Paul, just a few days ago…" She paused to draw breath, "They discovered a method to adjust their bodies to both matter and antimatter environments. And can you believe it: Terra Nova is on its way to Earth orbit! The bad news is: They can't take us with them because we couldn't survive long enough on the antimatter planet. But the good news is: They've got many things they want to give to us – I mean, transport to Alpha as long as they are in our orbit. Such as plants, minerals and all kinds of material that will help us a great deal to maintain our life support system!"

"That's really good news," Paul said with a joyful smile and hugged her, "So although we can't go to their planet, they can come here and bring us all those things?!"

Sandra nodded, also smiling.

When John was back, Paul and Sandra told him everything. They were so excited neither of them noticed the flickering in John's eyes when he heard the name "Terra Nova". Before John could say anything, Sandra heard the contact signal and rushed to the computer again. "Yes, Captain O'Neill, Commander Koenig is here now. – Commander, please!"

John sat down and stared at the screen. The red-bearded face of a man in his fifties looked at him with a friendly expression.

After exchanging necessary details about the transportation of goods, O'Neill said, "Commander Koenig, here is somebody who would like to talk to you. You have met him before. It's our astronaut Lee Russell."

A gush of icy water washed over John's heart. This couldn't be true. I must be dreaming, he thought. A very scary dream, too. Why, among all planets in the universe, did it have to be this planet to cross their path? Why did this guy have to appear on the scene again? He just proposed to Helena last night – and she hadn't answered yet!

"Commander Koenig. It has been a while since we met. I'm glad to be able to talk to you again."

John pulled himself together. "Mr. Russell… I… I didn't have the opportunity yet to thank you for what you did for my crew members and me last time we met. On Terra Nova, we would have died without your help. Please let me express my gratitude, in behalf of everyone on Moonbase Alpha."

"Don't mention it, Commander, it was my urgent wish to help you. I needed to do it, and I'm so glad everything turned out well." He paused for a second, then he said, "Commander, I believe I owe you some explanation about everything that happened last time we met. If you agree, I would like to visit you again to explain everything properly which I wasn't able to explain last time. I'd be glad to give a lecture on the subject of antimatter for your scientists. This time, I wouldn't have any trouble to adjust to the matter environment on Moonbase Alpha, so there would be no more risk of electric shocks through physical contact, or sudden unconsciousness. Also…" He looked firmly into John's eyes, "I would like to see my wife, Helena. We hardly had a chance to talk last time. I need to make sure she is well and… happy."

She is well and happy, John thought grimly, you needn't come here to make sure of that. Although, somewhere deep inside he had a feeling she was not really as happy as he used to think. Her reaction to his proposal yesterday still made him feel worried. There was this change in her attitude towards him during the last couple of months… She was loving and caring, but at the same time excluding him from her inner world, sometimes even avoiding him. And even if he told Lee Russell his wife was perfectly happy, he knew this wouldn't satisfy him enough to give up his wish to visit Alpha.

John realized he had no convincing reason to refuse Lee the permission to visit. After all, the problem of matter and antimatter was a very important subject which still had to be thoroughly studied and investigated. It couldn't be denied that Lee Russell was a remarkable expert on this field, so John knew he owed the chance to be taught by Lee to his crew members. He was absolutely sure that Victor and many of the other scientists would be thrilled about this opportunity. Of course, the antimatter expert did not by all means have to be Lee Russell. Maybe John could ask for somebody else to come… He was, after all, the Commander of Moonbase Alpha – all he had to do was say "no" to Lee.

But how should he ever explain this to Helena if she found out? It was almost impossible to keep a secret on Alpha. What if she could never forgive him for depriving her of the chance to say a last farewell to her husband?… John sighed. Right, I am the Commander, he thought. That means I have to think reasonably now, and be fair. Point One: Alpha definitely needs some knowledge about antimatter, and Lee Russell offered to teach us. There is no justifiable reason for rejecting him. Point Two, even more important: Disregarding my personal feelings about Lee Russell, it is a fact that this man saved the lives of all Alphans. We can never reward him for this anyway. So the least thing I can do for him is grant him this one wish to see his wife one last time. Maybe he'll leave soon when he hears about our relationship. And even if he stays a little longer, he'll have to be back on Terra Nova in time before they leave our orbit or otherwise he won't be able to return to Earth.

Some seconds had passed while all these thoughts flashed through John's mind. Finally, John tightened his shoulders. "Mr. Russell."

"Yes, Commander." Lee had waited patiently.

"You are welcome to visit Alpha whenever it is convenient to you. We appreciate your offer to give a lecture on antimatter."

"Thank you, Commander. If you agree, I can be there in three hours."

"Maya, it's nice of you to come to see me, but I'm very busy right now. I must prepare an operation for tomorrow…" Helena looked at her friend. "Why are you so out of breath anyway? Did you run all the way to my quarters?"

"Forget about the operation!" Maya impatiently pushed back some locks of her auburn hair. "You are off duty from now on! You needn't go back to work until tomorrow afternoon!"

"What?! I haven't been told anything like that."

"That's because I wanted to be the one to tell you! And I wanted to tell you personally, not by this silly commpost! It's too important!"

"What is important, Maya?" Helena asked calmly.

"I… I'll tell you at once. But first… better sit down."

Helena sighed, but she couldn't help smiling as she sat down on the sofa. Maya is always so dramatic, she thought, but this is one of her charming features. "Okay, I'm sitting. Now what is your great big news?"

Maya sat down beside her, cautiously taking her hand. "Helena, we got in touch with Terra Nova. Lee is on his way to us."

Helena went pale. This is not real. It can't be. She shook her head.

"I know it's hard to believe." Still holding her friend's hand, Maya told her everything she had heard in Command Centre. "The conference where Lee will give his lecture is set for tomorrow afternoon, four o'clock. Everybody thought – and the Commander agreed – that you and your husband should be given some time to talk in private after his arrival. So you are off duty until tomorrow afternoon. Dr. Mathias and Dr. Vincent have already been informed. They'll take care of everything, so don't worry. Lee will be here in about one hour, so we're going to meet in Command Centre to welcome him."

"Lee is coming…?" Helena whispered, still unable to believe.

"Yes, Helena. He's coming." Maya gave her friend a quick hug before she stood up. "I must go now, there is so much to prepare for the transportation of all that stuff from Terra Nova. Are you all right?"

Helena nodded automatically.

"See you later, then. Sorry I don't have a little more time for you, but I just wanted to tell you this."

"Thank you, Maya." Helena felt petrified. She stayed seated after Maya left, until she heard another beep from her commlock. This time it was Bob.

"You've been informed?" he asked as he entered.

"Yes. Maya told me."

"Good. Um… Helena… I was just thinking…" He looked intensely at the point of his shoe. "About tonight… and maybe the next nights, too. I mean… your quarters are next to Sarafena's and mine, so…"

Helena looked at him, waiting for him to go on.

"I just wanted to tell you… Lee is welcome to stay with us for the night. We've got plenty of room. Just tell him how to get in with his guest's commlock. He can feel free to come and go whenever he likes."

"Thank you, Bob. I didn't even think that far."

"That's what I thought. So I came to tell you. John agreed to the idea. – See you in Command Centre."

John agreed… John… Lee… Everything inside Helena's head started to turn around and around.

She stared at the white door Bob had disappeared through, wondering if she was dreaming or if this was reality – a reality she was unable to grasp.

"Gary, I'm going to Alpha. I'm going to see her. At last I'm going to see her…"

Gary stared at him with an almost admiring look. "You did it, man."

"Wait and see. I took the first hurdle, but nobody knows how things will go on from now. Oh Gary… how will she react? What will she say to me?"

While they were talking, Lee put his uniform jacket on.

"Don't give in! Be a man and fight for your love!"

Despite his tension, Lee had to grin. "Fight! We're not living in the middle ages, Gary. Besides, I don't have my sword and shield with me. – Let's be serious: You can't force a person to love you. If Helena tells me, ´Lee, I used to be happy with you, but that's over, now I'm happy with someone else, I love him and he loves me´, then there's nothing I can do. I… don't know how I would survive this, but I'd just have to accept it and… leave."

They were walking to the little airfield where the "Viper" was standing, ready for lift-off. It was one of two spacecrafts that had been reconstructed from the leftovers of the huge, powerful ship designed for the Astro Seven mission. The bigger one, the "Neptune", was used to transport big and heavy things, while the "Viper", a small and flexible vehicle, was convenient for short exploration trips. It could be steered by a single pilot.

"Lee… What would you have done if Commander Koenig had refused you the permission to visit?"

Lee shrugged. "I'd have had to find a way to get there anyway."

Gary sighed, shaking his head. "All this for the love of a woman."

Lee opened the hatch. Before he climbed in, he turned around to Gary one last time. "I can't help it, Gary. I love her more than my life."

In her quarters, Helena was still sitting motionlessly on the sofa.

Her head was spinning.

I said goodbye to Lee. He told me he can't live in my world, and I can't live in his.

I've accepted that this was the end for us.

I've moved on.

Now he's back.

Is he?

How can that be?
She remembered Mays's words. "They managed to overcome the matter versus antimatter problem. Lee and his crewmates can move freely between their planet and Alpha now. There is no danger for us being in close contact with them. No danger for us, no danger for them."

No danger…

So the impossible had become possible.

Had it really?

Her mind kept returning to that question.

How likely was it that, in the immeasurable depth of space, their Moon and Terra Nova would meet again? That a problem as unsolvable as the matter versus antimatter phenomenon could be solved, and Lee could visit Alpha just like any normal person could? How big was the chance that this was actually true? That it was not just some cruel, nasty trick by an alien intelligence that planned to fool them all?

Helena felt her hands go icy cold.

He has been real. Last time, I knew he was real. I knew it when I saw him on the Eagle, unconscious. From that moment right until the end, when I felt his arms around me and his cheek on mine, telling me to see what I wanted to see, I knew it was him.

But this time…

Her commlock beeped. "Dr. Russell?" It was Sahn. "Would you come to Command Centre please?"

Clearing her throat, Helena tried to make her voice sound firm. "I'll be right there, Sahn."

Leaving her quarters, she ignored her shaky knees and forced herself to keep a brisk pace.
I won't be fooled.

In the meantime, Lee had arrived in Command Centre. John was the first one to greet him.

"Mr. Russell."

"Commander Koenig."

They shook hands and watched each other carefully. "Commander, let me thank you again for allowing me to come here. I am really sorry that our last meeting took place under such chaotic circumstances. My condition was… very bad. I promise I'll do my best to make up for it this time."

John nodded. He cleared his throat. "Uh… my crew and I would like to welcome you on Moonbase Alpha, Mr. Russell. Last time, there wasn't a chance to introduce you to everyone. Let's start with some crew members who came here to Command Centre to meet you: Professor Victor Bergman, you met him last time…" Victor and Lee shook hands, and Victor said, "Mr. Russell, I'm so glad about the improvement of the situation. I'm really looking forward to our conference tomorrow."

"So do I, Professor Bergman," Lee said, and they smiled at each other with mutual sympathy.

After that, Lee was introduced to Alan Carter, Paul Morrow, Sandra Benes, Tony Verdeschi, and… "Science Officer Maya who joined us from the planet Psychon some months ago."

"I never met anybody from another planet, Maya. It's a great pleasure and honour to meet you." Lee smiled at her as they shook hands.

Wow! He looks much more handsome than on the photos Helena showed me, especially when he smiles! Maya thought as she smiled back.

"Data Analyst Yasko Nogami."

"Dozo yoroshku, Yasko-san."

"Ah… dozo yoroshku! You speak Japanese?" Yasko beamed.

Lee smiled. "Just a tiny little bit. I visited your beautiful country once. It was…" He swallowed. "Twelve years ago." Yasko nodded and understood.

"Ah, here comes Dr. Mathias from Medical Centre. You met him last time, too."

"Doctor." Lee hurried up to him, holding out his hand to him. "I'm so sorry about last time. I'm afraid I behaved very… strangely when we met. I caused you so much trouble - I remember vaguely I even knocked you down. I really did not mean to do so."

"That's all right, Mr. Russell. I know you didn't do it on purpose. I'm so glad to see you in good health this time. – Helena will be here any minute." What's taking her so long? He wondered.

Lee felt his heart beating wildly as he saw the door open right after Bob had spoken.

It was her.

"Helena…" he whispered, unable to say more, for his throat was all choked up.

Helena felt as if she was hit by a flash when she saw him standing there. It was him. His brown eyes looking at her wistfully. His mouth whispering her name.

Suddenly, Helena found herself in his arms. She didn't know how she got there, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. She was in his arms. She felt herself being held tightly and safely. She felt hands tenderly wiping her tears away which streamed uncontrollably. She held him, pressing her face against his. His cheeks were wet. He was weeping too. They stood for a while, absorbed in each other's embrace.

"Uh-oh," Alan muttered to himself.

"I knew this was going to happen. I knew this was going to happen," Maya said in a low voice, but she wasn't sure whether to be happy or worried about Helena and Lee.

John didn't like at all what he saw. He hadn't expected that Helena would react so strongly to seeing her husband again.

Lee was the first one to compose himself. "Please excuse us," he said quietly, then softly released Helena of his embrace. "Let's go."

Arms around each other, they left.

Alan gave John a pat on his shoulder. "Give them some time, John."

Tony joined them. "Yeah, that's right. I guess you could use some of my beer now, John. Come on!"

A few hours later, all was quiet in Command Centre. Maya and Tony were on night shift, going through their routine checks, finding that everything went normally.

Finally, Maya swivelled around in her chair and looked at her friend. "Tony, I knew something like that was going to happen. With Helena and her husband, I mean."

"You sound like a broken record, Maya." He playfully nudged her nose, smiling at her.

Maya frowned. "What is a broken record?"

Tony gave up. "Okay, that's not important now. You said you knew it was going to happen. But how could you know?"

"Helena told me about her marriage some time ago…"

"She did?" Tony was surprised. "I never heard her mention her husband. I always had a feeling she didn't want to talk about him, that she was trying to forget about him, especially since she met John."

"I know. But one day we had tea in her quarters, chatting about this and that, and I happened to see his photo on a bookshelf. You know how curious I am! When I'm interested in something, I just can't stop asking questions. Anyway, I asked her about that man on the photo. At first, she was a bit reluctant to touch the subject, but then she talked and talked. She told me about that Terra-Nova-incident when she lost him for the second time. She showed me more photos of him and herself she had kept in some boxes carefully put away. They looked so happy…"

"You never told me about that."

"Surely I didn't. It was a woman-to-woman talk. And Helena is very reserved about that subject, you know that yourself. I wanted to respect that. She wasn't used at all to talking about Lee – she told me she only talks to Dr. Mathias and his wife Sarafena about him once in a while. I think it was a great exception that she shared her memories with me."

"She trusts you." Tony looked at her thoughtfully.

"And I trust her too. She is such a good friend to me, Tony, and now I'm worried about her. I don't know how things will go."

Chapter 7

At last, they had arrived in Helena's quarters, luckily without having met anybody on the travel tube. Still clinging to each other, they sank down on the sofa near the entrance door. Still, neither of them had spoken a word. Helena laid her head against his chest, unable to let him go, unable to stop the tears from flowing. Lee held her close, caressing her tenderly, his lips softly touching her forehead, then her eyes, kissing her tears away.

"Lee…" she whispered, so scared it could be just a dream again.

"My Helena…" Their lips found each other. It was their first kiss after six years. A long, passionate kiss, full of tenderness. Helena felt herself relax, abandoning herself completely to his loving embrace. It felt so right. This was where she belonged. At last, I've come home. There was no more need to hold back. No more need to control her emotions. No more need to be strong and cool. No more need to deny, no more need to fight it.

Holding his wife in his arms, feeling her heart beat next to his, Lee could hardly believe what was happening to him. All those years of fear, yearning, anguish, desperation, all the moments he had been on the verge of losing hope – all this dissolved in the kiss they shared, the expression in her eyes when she laid her hands around his face to look at him after their lips slowly separated from each other.

"Lee, my love… my only love…"

"Helena…" He could not speak. Her hands were tenderly wiping his tears away, her arms went around him. Holding each other tightly, they were oblivious of the whole world around them. Nothing mattered anymore.

Almost six years had passed since they were torn apart, almost six years since they had felt each other's bodies. Lee passed his hand gently over Helena's skin. "You are so beautiful…" He touched her the way only he used to touch her, kissed her the way only he used to kiss her, and they gave each other all the love they had been longing to give to each other for all those years of their forced separation.

In their blissfulness about their reunion, savouring each other, absorbed in each other's passion and tenderness, time could have stood still for them.

But it didn't.

A while later, they were nestling to each other in bed. "What are we going to do now, Lee?"

He sighed, pulling her closer to himself. "I don't know, my love. I only know I never ever want to leave you again."

"And I'll never let you go anywhere!" She clasped him in her arms, frightened by just the thought of losing him again. Then she realized what she had said, and moved back a little, yet staying close enough to rest in his arm. "But what about your return to Earth?"

He caressed her cheek, brushing her hair from her eye. "Do you really think I would care about going back to Earth without you?"

"But I can't go with you, Lee."

"I know. And that's why I don't want to go either. I want to be wherever you are."

He could see in her eyes that she was feeling the same way about him. His face darkened with sorrow. "But that's the problem. I'm afraid it will hardly be possible for me to stay on Alpha. You can't take any more people in – that's what your data analyst told Captain O'Neill."

"There must be a way. There just must be." Helena looked at him desperately. "I lost you twice, Lee. I won't let it happen a third time." She felt tears filling her eyes again. Lee took her in his arms, soothingly caressing her, kissing her hair. But he didn't know what to say to comfort her, and to comfort himself.

Finally, they were overcome by sleepiness and rested for a while, cuddled up to each other. When they woke up some hours later - it was three o'clock in the morning - they were too excited to go back to sleep. Waking up together after being separated for six years was like a miracle for both of them. Helena quickly got dressed and slipped out of the room to get an early breakfast or late dinner – they hadn't eaten anything for so many hours they hardly remembered when they had their last meal.

After finishing, Lee pulled Helena to her feet. "How about a shower?" he asked with a twinkle in his eyes. Delighted, Helena smiled at him. They had always enjoyed having a shower together, and just the thought of doing it again sent flashes of pleasure through her body. She took his hand and led him to the shower room.

It was a sensuous treat for both of them to wash each other, to enjoy touching each other's wet naked skin…

Exhausted, but happy, they sat cuddled up on the bed again, dressed in T-shirts and slacks. Helena had fetched the clothes for Lee from Bob's quarters where they had been laid out on the guest-bed which wouldn't be necessary anymore.

"Lee." Saying his name, tasting it on her tongue, sent warm shivers throughout her body and soul. "There's so much to talk about… I don't really feel like talking!" she admitted with a soft, shaky laugh. "All I want to do right now is be with you, look at you, feel you… Lee." Her fingers traced his face again.

Closing his eyes, he savoured her gentle touch. "I thought I'd… never hear you say my name again," he said almost in a whisper.

"Lee…" She kissed him with deep tenderness. His arms went around her as his lips responded to her kiss with equal devotion.

"Helena…" Hearing his voice say her name, this soft, deep voice she thought she would never hear again made her heart race. Lee gently laid his hands around her face, caressing her cheeks. "You're right, my love," he said softly. "There is a lot to talk about. It all must have been so confusing and troubling for you… that I appeared here so suddenly… not to mention last time I came here…" He frowned, shaking his head.

"It wasn't your fault, my love. You had such a hard time… a really hard time to communicate, to function… to stay alive." Her hands closed around his as he let go of her face. "Lee, I wish I could have done more for you that day… be with you…"

"You did all you could do, Helena. That was a really difficult situation for you. Nobody could control the things that happened. And you…" He held her hands more tightly. "You were in shock, naturally," he said softly. "You've been thinking I was dead for five years…"

Helena moved closer to him, resting her face at his shoulder. "It was so horrible… those five years… I thought I would never survive it."

Lee held her close, caressing her, listening to her without interrupting.

"At first, I refused to accept you were dead. I urged the Space Commission to launch a rescue mission, but… it was no use. I was confronted with your ship's last message about the massive heat wave, and…" She shuddered, and Lee held her even closer, his lips touching the top of her head. Trying to calm her breath, Helena continued speaking. "I was full of pain and fury, but I kept it all buried inside me. I couldn't handle facing my emotions. My job was my rescue. I threw myself into work. I kept myself busy so I wouldn't have time to be depressed. I didn't allow myself anything else anymore – nothing beside my work. I didn't meet friends anymore. Only once, I made an exception… which I regretted later…" She sighed, pausing for a moment. "Do you remember Connie and Kayla?"

"Of course." A soft nostalgic smile played on Lee's lips as he remembered the nurse and the dietician from the space medicine ward of the University of Texas Hospital who had been bridesmaids at their wedding.

"They were always concerned about me... like many other people..." Her face contorted with pain for a moment, and Lee sensed her guilt and shame about having withdrawn from people who were dear to her. He gently squeezed her hand and waited for her to go on.

"One night, when they asked me - again - to go out with them to have some fun and get my mind on other things, I thought... why not. I think it was partly to do them a favour, but most of all, it was to make them leave me alone for a while - I know that sounds nasty. But that's what I was like during that time."

"I understand," he said softly.

"Anyway, they took me to watch a movie… I forgot the title. Some space adventure. Of course, everybody thought it was a great idea to watch that one. I didn't want to disappoint them, so I stayed till the end. It was a happy ending, but some of the heroes died and got thrown into space and something like that." She breathed heavily. "I rushed home and smashed all my sculptures. I smashed them all, screaming my lungs out… as if I had totally become crazy…" She closed her eyes and shuddered, remembering that moment. "I cursed the whole world. I cursed God. And I cursed you for having done this to me."

When she raised her head to look at him, she saw tears in his eyes. "I never should have gone on that mission," he said in a low voice. "You had to suffer so much because of me…" He held her close again. "Helena, my love, I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. I always wanted you to be happy, but what did I do!"

"Lee, my love, don't apologize. It wasn't your fault. You only did your job. You had to go. And you did make me happy. You still do." She kissed him with all her tenderness.

After a while of silently holding each other, Lee asked softly, "Did you really smash all your sculptures?"

Helena nodded.

"Also…" He swallowed. "Eternal Love?"

Helena nodded again. "Especially Eternal Love. It was the first one I smashed. I couldn't bear to look at it anymore. I was in a blind rage." Eternal Love was the sculpture of a stylized man and woman embracing. Helena had made it shortly before she and Lee got married. They both had the feeling it symbolized their love. "I'm sorry, Lee," she said in a low voice.

He caressed her head. "It's all right. I understand why you did it." His lips brushed her forehead.

"At that time, I think nobody really understood me anymore. Already two years had passed since your… presumed death. Everybody expected me to start a new life, to let you go. The only people who did understand me were Jane and Harry."

A shadow of pain flew over Lee's face. "Janey, my little sister… I've been worried about her all the time."

Helena caressed his cheek. "She's all right, Lee. She had a very hard time at first, but she's got Harry and the kids. They make her happy and always give her the strength to carry on."

Lee looked a bit relieved although there was still a trace of sadness in his eyes. "I'm glad to know that. So… did you spent a lot of time with them? Or… did you withdraw from them too?"

With a sigh, Helena looked down at their entwined hands. "I'm afraid I withdrew from them too. Most of the time anyway. I'm sorry and I feel terrible about it. I did let them know I'd be available if they needed me, like that one time when Ina had an accident with her bike, and Jane was very upset – I talked to the doctor and told her Ina would be all right. So I was there for them when they needed me, and I sent them birthday cards and presents, but apart from that, I stayed away from them. And I… I can't tell you how much I regret that now."

Squeezing her hand, Lee kept listening to her account.

"I didn't have a social life anymore. After that… movie and sculpture smashing thing, my seclusion got even more extreme. I definitely didn't want to have another breakdown like that, so I kept myself strictly shut from anything that could trigger any emotions."

Lee nodded slowly, squeezing her hand again.

"Then, in early nineteen ninety-nine, I was offered the position as Chief Medical Officer on Moonbase Alpha. I thought this was my chance to really leave everything behind me, to start over, far away from all those places which reminded me of you, of our happiness, of the life I had lost. And then…" She paused.

"And then your heart opened up for a new love," Lee added softly.

"I… don't know how to explain," Helena said helplessly.

Lee embraced her again. "It's okay. Just say it as it is."

Helena savoured his warmth and understanding. She knew she could tell him everything.

"John took command of Alpha in September when I'd been living and working there for seven months. When we met… it was… like electric tension flashing between us. We looked at each other and knew something had happened. For me, this was totally unexpected."

Helena was worried about Lee's feelings on listening to her story, but the loving, attentive look in his eyes encouraged her to go on.

"There was a personal confidence between us from the beginning on. We became something like a working team. And all the time, there was this tension between him and me. Of course, we both had highly responsible posts so we had to be careful not to do anything improper. But we couldn't deny the attraction, although we were both too shy to talk about it. Then, after about one month…"

She avoided Lee's look. "I accompanied John to his quarters one evening. I don't remember for what reason, probably nothing important – maybe we were both just looking for an excuse. As soon as the door had closed behind us, we were kissing like… cannibals."

Lee had to smile about her comparison, but he said nothing, just kept listening.

"From then on, my life changed radically. At last, I felt alive again. John had made me… feel like a woman again."

Lee nodded. He understood.

"John was very good to me. Although he didn't have much spare time, he always tried to make me feel happy and comfortable. He let me feel how much I mean to him."

Seeing the troubled look in Lee's eyes, she felt worried again. "Lee, forgive me, I…"

He shook his head. "No, it's all right. I was just thinking about his situation. I understand him so well. He's in love with you, Helena. I can't blame him."

Helena felt a twinge of pain when she thought of John, but her heart spoke out clearly. "Lee, what I felt – feel – for John is something I can't possibly compare with what I feel for you. It's completely different."

As she tried to find the right words, Lee waited patiently, didn't urge her to speak.

"There is, and there always was, a special friendship between John and me. A deep affection. And a strong physical attraction, too. But… he is not you. He could never replace you." She looked at him openly. "You are the one, Lee. You are the love of my life. My soulmate. I've never felt this way for any other man. Never."

Lee drew her to his breast, unable to speak. His heart was too full. They held each other tightly. When they looked at each other, Lee's eyes told Helena he felt exactly the same about her. His lips covered hers in a long, passionate kiss.

"That day when you suddenly came to Alpha," Helena said after a while, leaning her head to his shoulder, "how did you know I was on the Moon? And how did you get there?"

"It's all a big mystery to me, too," Lee admitted. "When the Moon went into our orbit, we all got very excited because we were quite sure there were people from Earth on it – after all, everybody from Space Commission knew about Moonbase Alpha. And when we saw that spacecraft of yours that tried to land…"

"…The Eagle…"

"Yes. When we saw the Eagle, there was no doubt about it. We knew we had to warn the people on the Moon somehow, but at that time, there was no way to contact you. Our communication system was not functioning as well as it is now. But I… I somehow knew I had to find a way to get to the Moon. I knew it was absolutely necessary for me to get there."

"You said, ´Helena called me´," she said, remembering.

Lee nodded slowly. "It may sound strange, but that's the only way I can explain it. Maybe you didn't call me consciously – you couldn't, you didn't even know I was alive – but there was something very strong inside me that told me I had to go to the Moon. I remember I ran out of the institute to get on the Viper, although I knew we were too far away from the Moon to get there by one of our two primitive spacecrafts. Terra Nova wasn't as close to the Moon as it is now. And as I made my way to the airfield, I suddenly got hit by some electric power – I don't know if it was the same one that hit the Eagle. That force, or whatever it was, must have transported me on the Eagle."

"The Mysterious Unknown Force," Helena whispered. "We had several experiences with that on Alpha."

"Yes, something like that. The next thing I remember is I woke up and – saw you. I thought I was dreaming, but it was really you." He caressed her cheek. "From that moment I was sure you somehow had called me."

"You were always on my mind," Helena said softly. "Deep in my heart, I must have called you – without even noticing myself. Lee… I can't describe how I felt when I suddenly knew you were alive. My heart was full of chaos. I was happy and scared and worried, all at the same time, and still, I had to be cool and professional and do my job."

Lee gave her a gentle squeeze. "I can imagine that was hard."

"It was. I couldn't do as I wished to do. I felt such a strong need to…" Tears filled her eyes again, "hold you, feel you in my arms. But… I didn't know what was wrong with you, I was so worried about you…"

Lee sighed. "And I wasn't acting normally. I guess I wasn't very helpful to you – on the contrary, I made it harder for you. I'm so sorry about that."

Helena rested her cheek on his hand. "It wasn't your fault." She closed her eyes for a moment, then went on. "When they told me you died in John's office…" She shuddered as if she was cold. Lee held her more tightly and caressed her back. "It was like a bad dream. So unreal. So grotesque in a way. It all didn't make sense. I had just started to get used to the fact you were alive – and now I should accept that you were dead again? I felt I was on the verge of… losing my mind. I couldn't take it anymore. It was too much. I had to protect myself somehow. Protect myself against the overwhelming pain and confusion. I blocked it out. I refused to feel anything. I became numb."

She took a deep breath. "I put on a corset of self-control. And when John asked me if I come along to Terra Nova, I said yes. I needed something to do. Especially if it was going to be dangerous. I didn't care. It was only after all those terrible things happened on the planet, and I was the only survivor, that I remembered your warning. And there you were."

Lee still held her, his lips touched her hair. "It broke my heart to see you so desperate, I wanted to hold you like I do now, take you in my arms and hold you forever… But it was much too dangerous. I had given you an electric shock before. The only thing I could do was hold your hands, and give you a very light embrace when we parted, and even that was dangerous… But I couldn't push you away!"

"It's all right. Your touch was so soft and careful, I'm sure nothing could have happened," Helena said gently. "And…" Her blue-green eyes were shining, "you saved us all. We owe you our lives, Lee. What would we have done without you?"

Lee smiled, looking a bit embarrassed. "I only did what I had to do. I needed to know you're safe. All of you, but especially you." They exchanged a loving look.

"Then, back on Alpha, I had to get used to the fact that I lost you again. I forced myself to believe you belonged to the past…"

"I can understand you. It was only a natural reaction."

After a while of relaxing in each other's arms, Lee took Helena's hand and looked into her eyes. "I must tell you something too."

Helena nodded. She wasn't surprised.

"When we stranded on Terra Nova," Lee began, "we desperately tried to get away from there, back to Earth. We did everything to reconstruct the wrecked parts of our spacecraft, but it didn't work out the way we hoped. The two small spacecrafts we built from the leftovers of the Pegasus couldn't be used for long distances. We also tried to get in contact with Earth, but without success. There was no way to let you know I was alive."

The sorrow of five years was mirrored in Lee's eyes. "It broke my heart to think you believed I was dead. I tried to reach you mentally, to send my thoughts and feelings to you. I concentrated on you, thinking, ´Helena, I'm alive.´ There was nothing else I could do."

Helena squeezed his hand and touched it with her lips. "I was probably so blocked with pain that I couldn't receive any positive thoughts," she said softly.

Lee returned the squeeze, then continued. "We were just a handful of people on that drifting planet. After we found out that our bodies had turned into antimatter to survive on an antimatter planet, we knew the chance of ever returning to Earth was practically zero. From then on, we had to concentrate all our energy on building a new home for us on that planet. We established the Institute for Antimatter Research – a very small and simple institute, but more than nothing. Gradually, we got used to living there. And we all got closer to each other, of course. Suffering the same fate welded us together. And, after all, we were all grown-up, healthy men and women." He paused.

"Molly Wang was one of our scientists, a physicist. Chinese-American. Her parents had immigrated from Shanghai before she was born. She always seemed to be in good mood, cheering everybody up. We all liked her a lot – we still do. But she had the reputation of being… an easy girl. I guess there's no guy among our crew who didn't… well… share the pleasures of love with her. And one night she came to me." He hesitated to go on. "I didn't want that at first. I was thinking of you day and night. Especially at night, when the busy day was over. I wasn't interested in other women. But finally…" He sighed.

"Lee, that's only natural. You're a man. She's a woman. I can imagine she was – is – very cute and lovely. She offered you the… how did you call it? The pleasures of love, and you were lonely. How could I blame you." She squeezed his hand again.

"But that's not all," Lee said with a desperate look in his eyes. "I did something I can't forgive myself."

"What is it?" Helena asked gently.

"I soon realized she came to me more often than to other men. I got the feeling she liked… being together with me."

Helena nodded, still holding his hand.

"We didn't only share pleasures when we were together. We also talked a lot. I told her about you. I told her honestly how much I love you, how much I miss you. I think she understood. Then she told me about her life. She had gone through awful misery since her early childhood. She was…" Lee swallowed, "…abused by a man who lived in their neighborhood. Many times. Her parents never realized. She didn't tell her mother until she left home at eighteen."

"Oh my God…" Helena shook her head in dismay.

"It was hard for her to talk about it. She was crying. She had never told anybody about her ordeal." Lee's eyes were flashing with anger. "You know I detest violence. But if I ever got hold of such a bastard, I… I'd beat the hell out of him."

Helena nodded. "So would I."

"That creature really messed up her life. Molly had never been able to establish a normal relationship with a man. She told me she felt like her body was torn in two: The upper part with her head, heart and feelings, and the lower part which consisted only of hurt and shame. Whenever she met a guy she liked, she couldn't combine these two parts. When she was emotionally involved, she was afraid to give her body which had been hurt so much. And when she didn't really care about a guy but realized he was attracted to her, she opened up physically but not emotionally. That was how she became an ´easy girl´: Craving for love and support, she approached men the only way she thought was safe. She thought as long as she had sex with someone, she would never be alone."

"I see." Helena's heart was full of sympathy for the young woman. "So when she met you, she realized she found a man she could love with her heart and soul, and with her body, too. At last, she was happy. Am I right?"

Lee nodded hesitantly. "When I noticed she was about to fall in love with me, I didn't do anything to try to stop it. I had told her about you, so there couldn't be any doubts to whom my heart belongs. But she didn't seem to mind. And, after all, the chance we would ever return to Earth so I would be reunited with you was so minimal nobody believed in it anymore. I think I was the only one who couldn't give up hope. Molly was aware of that, but she tried to ignore it. When she finally told me she loved me, I… I believe I should have rejected her, for her own sake. I could never return her feelings. I cared for her, and I enjoyed… sharing pleasures with her, but there was – and there is – only one woman in this universe I truly love."

Their hands entwined. But suddenly, Lee pulled away from her. "I didn't send her away, Helena," he said with a tormented tone in his voice. "One reason was that I didn't want to hurt her. She had been through so much. But the other reason was… my own selfishness! As long as I was together with her, I didn't have to worry about spending my nights alone."

He stood up and wandered around the room. "Oh, it was very comfortable for me. A pretty young woman always by my side, doing everything to keep me satisfied – the other guys envied me. Molly was not ´always available´ for them anymore. She had become my… mistress. Concubine. Bedmate. Call it whatever you like. She was everything but my partner. She was not the woman I love."

Desperately, he looked at Helena. "Can you imagine, Helena? The man you married has become such a male chauvinist pig! How can any woman not despise me for what I've done! She loved me, and I took advantage of it! It's like… she was abused again, this time by me!"

"Lee! Stop it!" Helena jumped up, went to him and laid her hands on his shoulders. "Stop blaming yourself, Lee. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But…"

"Sh-sh-sh." She put her finger on his lips. "I didn't marry a male chauvinist pig. I married a wonderful, loving man, so tender and kind-hearted and sensitive… I know you can really make a woman happy, physically and emotionally. Thank God Molly met a man like you after her terrible experience. And I know you, Lee, you are not the kind of man who takes advantage of a woman. You couldn't have a relationship with a woman for such a long time – about four years, I guess?" As Lee nodded, she went on, "… without feeling something for her. You did love her, in your own way. Not the way you love me, but in a different way. And, most important, you respected her, didn't you?"

Lee nodded again. "Certainly I respected her."

"That's what I mean. You saw the woman in her, not just the ´easy girl´. You saw her as a woman who is worthy of being loved. I'm sure she felt that."

"Helena…" Lee was at a loss for words. He drew her in his embrace and held her tightly for a while. When he softly let go of her, Helena noticed his eyes were wet. He blinked. She gently stroked his hair.

"Helena… I… I have a feeling you know me better than I know myself."

"Lee. You are my husband. I know you."

"My love…" He pulled her in another tight embrace.

When they sat down again, Lee picked up the thread. "Then, since that day I saw you again after five years, everything changed. I had never given up hope completely, but now it grew more and more. I knew there was no way of knowing if we ever got into each other's orbit again, but the hope to see you again, to be together with you again, was overpowering. I had to say goodbye to Molly. I couldn't go on like that anymore. She was… very sad at first, but gradually she seemed to get over it and enjoy life again. She has changed. Now, she isn't the ´easy girl´ anymore, she's much more self-confident and shows more interest in her work, too."

"You see. The experience with you was good for her, Lee. It made her strong. You made her strong. She doesn't need to be ´easy´ anymore. She will find a good partner one day, I'm sure. The relationship with you prepared her for a new, beautiful life."

Lee looked relieved. "I never thought about it that way. But maybe you're right." He smiled. "You're amazing."

Helena laughed. "I don't think so. I'm just a woman who understands another woman's feelings."

"I think you're amazing anyway. Amazing and beautiful and… so much more."

The warm glow in his brown eyes made Helena's heart overflow. When had she ever been so happy during the last six years…

Suddenly, she jumped up, went to her bookshelf and rummaged in one of the drawers. She came back hiding something small in her hand. She took Lee's hand and placed the small thing in it.

"Put it on my finger again, Lee."

Lee gave her a tender smile, then removed his own ring. "Let's do it properly." He gave his ring to Helena. Then he took her hand and slipped the ring back on where it belonged. Helena took his hand and did the same with his ring. They looked in each other's eyes, silently exchanging the vows they had spoken out twelve years ago. Then Lee kissed his wife.

Chapter 8

When Helena awoke, she felt the presence of somebody near her. Before she could think clearly, she heard a soft voice say, "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." Her heart leapt. It had not been a dream!... Opening her eyes, she saw the face of the man she had thought she would never see again. It still didn't feel real. Cautiously, she raised her hand and let her fingertips glide along his cheek. Smiling, he took hold of her hand and touched it to his lips.

"Good morning, my love." She kissed him. Embracing tightly, they knew they had five more hours to spend with each other before they had to face the world again. Five precious hours to enjoy their being together without having to think about what lay ahead.

Five hours that passed like nothing as they talked, held each other, barely taking the time to eat and drink something and get ready for the day.

Finally, after checking the time, Lee put his Astro Seven uniform back on."I must go to the conference now, and give the lecture," he said, looking at his wife earnestly. She was still sitting on the sofa, wearing her own uniform with a skirt instead of the trousers she had worn yesterday. Her freshly styled blonde hair framed her face in a smooth wave, a bit different from the way Lee was used to seeing on her, but he liked it.

Helena returned his look. "I want to be there with you, but I need to check on a few patients in Medical. I won't take long, though. I'll be with you as soon as I can." Drawing a deep breath, she added, "Then, after the lecture… I'll talk to John."

Lee nodded. "I need to talk to him too."

"I know, but let me talk to him alone first."

Lee could read in her eyes what she added in her mind: It will be hard enough for him as it is.

He held out his hands to her, and she gripped them while getting up. The déjà vu made her shiver, especially the sight of her husband wearing that uniform. Feeling her anxiety, Lee enfolded her tightly in his arms for a moment. "It will be all right," he whispered.

Holding him just as tightly, she tried to share his confidence.

Suddenly, Helena moved out of his embrace as she remembered something. "I almost forgot!" she said, looking at her husband, slightly worried. "Lee, I need to give you a quick check-up… Or let's Bob do it. That's better. He is unbiased, so if he gives you a certificate that all is well with you and you are no danger, neither to yourself nor to your environment, nobody can claim you are intolerable on Alpha… well, for medical reasons, anyway." She swallowed, looking down at her hands for a moment.

"You're right. Let's go." Lee picked up his guest commlock, and they quickly headed for Medical Centre. On the travel tube they met a group of technicians who politely greeted them but were discreet enough not to stare at the reunited couple.

"All clear, Mr. Russell." Bob gave him a friendly smile, then turned to Helena who anxiously had been studying the test results. "I'll print the report now."

"Thanks, Dr. Mathias!" Smiling too, Lee quickly put his arm around Helena whose eyes were shining with relief. "Thank God!" she said softly.

"Hello there!" suddenly a voice sounded behind them, and as they both turned around, Dr. Ben Vincent approached them, extending his hand to introduce himself to Lee. The two men exchanged a few words, and Ben said he was going to join the conference and lecture too since he was off duty in the afternoon. "What about you, Helena?" he asked, looking slightly curiously at the man and woman in front of him standing closely together.

"I really need to check on Michelle and June," Helena said. "But it shouldn't take too long." She laid her hand on Lee's arm, looking up at him. "I'll see you later," she said softly, and he put his arm around her again for a quick squeeze, giving her a light kiss on the head.

When Lee and Ben had left and Helena returned to her work, she heard the nurses whisper in the background.

"Did you see him?"
"Yeah! I almost didn't recognize him!"

"Can you believe that's the same guy who created such a mess here last time?"

"No! He looks much nicer today!"

"Ooooh yes! He's gorgeous, if you ask me!"

"Did you see how she looks at him? The poor Commander!"

"Yeah… I think the Commander is hotter though."
"Sh-sh-sh! She can hear us!"

Helena couldn't understand what the nurses were whispering, but she could guess what it was about. They'll have to get used to him, she thought while printing the blood test results of Michelle Osgood and June Peterson. When she pulled the documents out of the printer, she froze for a moment. They'll have to get used to him if John lets him stay. What will we do if…? But then she shook her head, straightened, and went to the examination room where Michelle was waiting for her. No time to worry about this now.

The lecture was over. Lee had explained everything about his and his crew's experience with antimatter vividly and in great detail. One thing was evident: Although the Alphans could not land on Terra Nova because their bodies were not capable of adapting to the antimatter environment, the members of the Astro Seven crew had managed to control their bodies so well they could go back and forth between Alpha and their planet without any danger. John and his command staff briefly discussed Captain O'Neill's offer to transport seeds, plants, minerals, and other things necessary for survival and everyday life to Alpha, and they agreed on starting an exchange right away.

"I'm sure our colleagues down there on the planet could use some things from Alpha too!" Alan remarked, and Lee gave him a grateful smile.

"Mr. Russell, can you guarantee that this time there won't be a problem with sudden electric shocks, people dying and vanishing into thin air and things like that?" Kano asked with a skeptical frown.

"I guarantee there won't be any more problems like that, Mr. Kano," Lee said reassuringly. "I have been examined by Dr. Mathias. Everything's fine. My colleagues from Terra Nova will get the same check-up when they arrive here, and I have no doubt that they'll show the same results."

"So how long do you think you and your crewmates are able to stay on Alpha without any problems, Mr. Russell?" Victor asked, leaning back in his chair with a pensive expression.

"Theoretically speaking, we could stay on Alpha, or in any matter environment, for an unlimited time, Professor Bergman," Lee said confidently.

John didn't fail to notice the looks his crewmates exchanged as Lee Russell stated this fact. For an unlimited time…

Victor, Maya and the other scientists stayed for a while to ask Lee more questions about the fascinating subject. Suppressing his impatience, John waited until everybody had left the conference room. Then he turned to Lee. "Thank you for your lecture, Mr. Russell."

"It was my pleasure, Commander."

The two men were facing each other silently. Tension was building rapidly, to a point where it became tangible.

Your job here is finished. Now get the hell back to where you belong. - The words lay on John's tongue, urging to get out, but he bit them back at the very last second. Instead, he opened his mouth to say, I'll escort you to the travel tube. Your ship is ready for lift off. But something in the other man's eyes hindered him from speaking. John saw calm confidence, strength, and – sympathy. Feeling a wild mixture of anger and fear well up inside him, John clenched his fists. He knew he had lost. But he wasn't ready to face it yet. - This guy is not going to leave on his own will, he thought. He won't be easy to handle.

A beep from the door startled them both. Helena entered, looking tense and serious. "Lee, would you please..."

"Of course. I'll be outside." He left the office, and John and Helena were facing each other. The realization that had dawned on John during the moment alone with Lee now hit him with full force.

"I've got to tell you something, John." Her voice was soft, but her eyes showed the determination John knew so well. "Maybe… we'd better go to your quarters to talk."

John felt his face turning into a hard mask, his fists still clenching.."No. Whatever you have to say to me, you can say it here." He knew he sounded harsh, but he couldn't help it. And he didn't care.

"John… I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you." Her eyes revealed sadness and concern. "But I can't marry you."

Still refusing to face what was obvious, John's desperate anger grew. "Helena, I…" He breathed heavily. He felt a searing need to grip her by the arms, so he hurried to sit down behind his desk.

Slowly, she sat down too.

"Helena," he began again, still breathing heavily. "I really… I am trying to understand this. I understand you're confused. This is a shock for you. You've suddenly met your husband again, after all this time… after all what happened. I understand your emotions are upside down now." He desperately struggled to keep a clear mind, to be fair and understanding. He couldn't risk losing Helena by putting pressure on her now. "I know you need some time," he said hoarsely. "Time to make up your mind."

Lightly shaking her head, Helena softly said, "John. I don't need to make up my mind."

No. It can't be. It just can't.

The fear and pain creeping up higher in John's throat were accompanied by a hot gush of anger. "Do you…" He struggled to keep his emotions under control, as hard as it was. "Do you feel morally obligated to return to your husband?"

Again, Helena shook her head. Her expression of concern and determination had not changed.

John's fists clenched even harder. "Did he try to force you to do anything? After all, he's your husband. Did he claim any rights…?"

"John!" Helena frowned. "No. He didn't."

John could no longer fool himself. It was all much too clear. He had seen Helena's reaction on seeing her husband – the way she had thrown herself into his arms, her tears, the way she had forgotten everything around her… And even before that – her reaction to his marriage proposal… Her whole attitude ever since she had seen her husband again on the day they had discovered the planet Terra Nova, ever since she had identified him on the Eagle – she had not been the same woman. She had been as loving and caring as she used to be, but something had changed. Time and again he had caught her staring at Lee's photograph in her quarters, he had seen the look in her eyes he never had been able to understand. Now it all made sense.

"You love him," John muttered. It was not a question, but a statement.

Looking into his eyes, she nodded. "Yes, I do." Her voice was gentle and firm at the same time.

Still trying to recover from the blow, John knew it was useless to fight. The battle was over before it had even begun. But like a drowning person in the middle of a vast ocean with no rescue in sight, he desperately tried to stay afloat until the very last moment, as hopeless as it was. His fists were clenching so tightly now that he felt his fingernails cut the skin of his palms. "You know you can't live with him on the planet."

"Yes, I'm aware of that." Helena swallowed dryly, her nostrils gave a little flare. "Which means… there is only one place where we can be together."

"You're asking me to accept him in our crew."

Helena closed her eyes for a moment. When she spoke, her voice sounded pressed and troubled. "John, I know what I'm doing to you. I know this is not fair to you. You don't deserve this." Her look was tormented, which gave John a touch of grim satisfaction. He didn't seem to know himself any longer.

"The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you," Helena said quietly. "You mean so much to me, John. I can't tell you how much."

John was not ready to hear that. It just sounded cynical to him, although his reasonable self told him she truly meant every word she said. There was no lie in her eyes. But he couldn't take it. Not now.

"I'll contact you later," he said curtly. "Now leave me alone."

She slowly got up and turned to leave. John avoided her look clenching his jaws shut. From the corner of his eyes, he saw her nodding at him, then using her commlock to open the door and vanish.

Staring into the emptiness in front of him, there was only one thought rumbling in his head: I've lost her. It's over. I've lost her. To another man. Helena is not mine anymore.

When Helena left John's office with a heavy heart, she stood still for a moment, trying to breathe deeply. Why does it have to be so painful? Blinking, she pulled herself together and focused back on the here and now.

Lee was standing in a nearby corner of the corridor, surrounded by a bunch of Alphans – men and women from all sections, at least fifteen people – who were eager to know more about Terra Nova, antimatter, the Astro Seven crew… As Helena approached the group, she saw her husband politely and patiently answering all those questions as well as possible.

In a sudden flashback, Helena saw herself surrounded by reporters after Lee's accident, reporters who shouted questions at her, followed her, holding up cameras to get a snapshot of the astronaut's widow. Shaking her head, she struggled to suppress the haunting memory, and kept walking towards the bunch of chatting people.

"Mr. Russell, are you going back to the planet now?... Can we really not go there?... When is the rest of your crew coming?... Are you really going back to Earth?... How could you overcome that antimatter thing?"

"Professor Bergman will put a script of my lecture in the Alphan intranet," Lee said with a patient smile. "You will find all the answers there. – No, sorry, I'm afraid you can't come to visit the planet. But you'll soon meet some members of my crew."

Helena cleared her throat. "Excuse me, everybody," she said in a forced calm voice while putting on her professional smile. "I need to talk to my husband now."

Everyone fell silent and stared at Helena and Lee Russell. Whispering voices became audible.

"All right, it was nice talking with you all. See you later," Lee said, lightly touching his wife's arm, and they walked away from the crowd. Knowing they were not out of earshot yet, Lee discreetly cast a glance in the direction of John's office, silently asking, Shall I go in and talk to him? Helena shook her head almost unnoticably. Not now.

On the travel tube they couldn't talk as, here as well, they attracted the attention of all passengers on board. Looks, smiles, smirks, frowns, hushed comments… Both of them were relieved when they finally had reached Helena's quarters. Exhausted, they sat down on the sofa in the living corner.

Helena was restless. "Lee, I… I've been prepared… But this…" Her voice broke off, she was at a loss of words, very pale.

Lee took her hands in his. They were icy cold. "I know," he said quietly. "I know. It's not fair. Nobody should have to suffer because of our happiness." He held her hands more tightly.

Returning the squeeze, Helena asked hesitantly, "You went through the same, didn't you? With Molly?"

"Yes, I did." A trace of torment became visible in his eyes. "I didn't want to do this to her. But I had to be honest. With her, and with myself."

Helena nodded. "Honest, yes… that's what I have to be with John too. But I wish I wouldn't have to hurt him so much." Her voice broke.

"I know," Lee repeated, softly caressing her cheek.

They sat like that for a while, understanding each other without words.

Finally, Helena spoke again. "He said… he would contact me later." She swallowed. "I guess he… needs some time. Probably a lot of time."

"No doubt about that," Lee said softly. "The most important thing now is that we don't rush things. I think…" He hesitated for a moment. He didn't want to say it; all he wanted was to be with his wife, lose himself in her eyes he had missed so much, feel her body next to his, hold her in his arms, hear her say his name… Taking a deep breath, he gave her hands a squeeze. "Helena, I think it's better if I don't spend too much time here on Alpha now, in the beginning. Terra Nova is going to stay in range for about a month, so we should take it easy now. John does need time, we both know that. I don't want to provoke him – well, not if I can avoid it, anyway. Just by being here I am a provocation to him, and I don't want to make it harder for him as it already is."

The grip of Helena's hands around his got stronger, and her quickened breath told him how much she was struggling to keep her emotional turmoil under control. Soothingly he ran his thumbs across her hands. "I… see what you mean," she finally said, her voice sounding strained. "But…I wish you didn't have to go back to the planet, Lee. I really don't want to let you go there again. I realize it's necessary… to help things settle down a bit. But we have to be prepared that maybe… John…"

He felt her hands were trembling, and he held them tightly again. "… that John might refuse to let me come back to Alpha?"

"It is possible, Lee." Her blue-green eyes, locked with his, were clouded with worry. "John is… such a wonderful, decent man. But he's deeply hurt, and upset. And jealous. I have seen what emotions like that can do to John Koenig. He… I'm afraid he might lose control. I'm not afraid for myself!" She looked at him, obviously trying hard to control her anxiety. "I'm afraid for you, Lee! John's emotions might… make him do things he normally would never do."

"I trust him." He didn't let go of her hands. "I know you know him much better than I do, but from what you've told me I know he's a man with a strong sense of responsibility.… even though he ignored my warning that day when he took you to Terra Nova, but I understand it was difficult for him – and for everybody else – to make sense of what I was trying to say. And besides, you would not have been… well, involved with him if he wasn't a trustworthy man." The shrill beep of Lee's guest commlock startled them both. "Hello, Yasko-san?"

"Mr. Russell, Captain O'Neill would like to talk to you. Just a moment, I'm trying to put you through to him…" Since the connection between Alpha and Terra Nova was not very good, it was impossible to make a direct call from the planet to a commlock. All calls had to go through the Command Centre's communication system.

"Everything all right up there, Mr. Russell?" O'Neill's familiar voice sounded from the small device. He looked slightly concerned.

"Yes, everything's fine, Captain. The lecture went well, I got to talk to some people, and… I'm reunited with my wife." He smiled, moving closer to Helena, and she couldn't help smiling too as she quickly said hello to the friendly Captain.

"Dr. Russell, how wonderful to see you again, and to see you two reunited! Mr. Russell… or may I call you Lee now? You're no longer under my command; you already look like a real Alphan!"

Lee gave a soft laugh. "Thank you, Captain, of course you may call me Lee, but I'm afraid it's still a long way to go for me to become an Alphan. I just said to Helena that we'd better take it slowly… I suggest I'll go and help Gary and the others with all the things they're bringing up here – the Cobra should land here any moment – and I also have to take the Viper back to the planet…"

"Well, well, Lee, take it easy! No pressure. You are relieved of all your duties – not because I don't want you in our crew anymore, but because I know you've made your choice about where to live from now on! And I understand that!"

"Thank you for understanding my unusual personal situation, Captain! But I really want to help as much as I can. I owe this much to you all – after all those years."

"I appreciate that a lot. But don't overdo it. Spend time with your wife. Now, I realize the circumstances are a bit complicated…" He looked slightly embarrassed, and Lee knew the captain was fully aware of the situation with Helena and John, since on Terra Nova it was even harder to keep a secret than on Alpha. The captain added, "I'll talk to Commander Koenig later. – Oh, I've got to go. See you!"

The connection was closed, and it was only at this moment Lee noticed Helena was no longer beside him. When he looked up, he saw her come out of the sanitary area, even paler than before, slightly doubled over, pressing her hand to her stomach. He was with her in a split-second. "Helena!... Are you okay?" Putting his arm around her, he gently led her back to the sofa and made her sit down again. She leaned against him, closing her eyes for a moment. He held her tightly, then moved back a little to lift her chin and look at her closely. "If you're getting ill, I won't leave your side!" he said earnestly.

Shaking her head, Helena moved a little away too. "I'm all right. I…" She drew a deep breath. "I'm trying not to panic. It wouldn't do any good. I must be strong – we must both be strong now." She fixed her eyes upon him, looking tense and distressed, but adamant. "We have to go through with this, Lee. You're right. I don't want you to go, but…"

"I'll be back!" Lee said with determination, his hands around her shoulders. "Tomorrow, I'll be back with the next transport of material. And then we'll see how to go from there. We have to take one step at a time."

"You're right," Helena said again, and he felt her beginning to tremble. "I must calm down. I'm just… so afraid something might happen to you again… oh my God, Lee, be careful, please be careful…"

He wrapped her up in his arms again, held her close, feeling her throbbing heart next to his. He could feel her fear of losing him again, as well as the pain for the man she hurt who still meant so much to her.

Helena slowly moved a little away from him again. "I've got to pull myself together!" she murmured. "I don't want to get hysterical, Lee, I really don't want to…"

"My love, you're too hard on yourself." His arm still around her shoulders, he took her hand again, trying to warm it with his touch. "Just look at what happened to you within just twenty-four hours. It happened to me too, but I had more time to get prepared. You were just thrown into the situation, and you have to deal with John's shock." He paused for a moment, thinking about the other man. "My situation is different," he said quietly. "My break-up with Molly was one year ago. She's okay now."

Helena sighed heavily. "I hope so much that John will be okay too… one day."

"He will. I'm sure." Lee pulled her in his arms again, and they held each other until the automatic voice from the commpost announced the arrival of the Cobra.

They both got ready to go. As they were standing by the door, Lee took his wife's hands again. "You don't have to take me to the Command Centre, Helena. I'll be all right, I remember how to get there. And I know you need to go back to the Medical Centre."

Helena just nodded; her face was a mask of self-control.

He gently laid his hands around her cheeks, looking into her eyes. "If something – anything – happens that keeps me from coming back here tomorrow, don't worry. I will be back. I assure you I will be back in time. You and I…we haven't overcome lightyears just to be separated again. We will be together."

Helena plunged herself into her work, forcing herself to focus and not to think about what might happen. Within a few minutes, she had slipped into her safe routine of blocking out anything outside the tasks at hand. The hours went by, and she hardly noticed Sarafena placing a mug of herb tea and a sandwich on her desk some time in the evening. When she finally left the Medical Centre and returned to her quarters late at night, she fell into bed, totally exhausted.

The Pegasus was moving silently through the dark void. The huge spacecraft seemed invincible, majestic, impossible to destroy.

Then there was the flash.

Within seconds, the Pegasus was wrapped in a fireball… dissolving, burning to ashes…

"Lee! NOOOOO!" Helena screamed in agony as she helplessly watched the terrifying sight."Lee!"

Gasping, she sat upright in her bed. Her heart was racing. With trembling hands, she turned on the light beside her bed. Two hundred hours, she read on the commpost's display. Forcing herself to calm down, she took the water bottle from her bedside cabinet and drank a bit. Those nightmares… They kept haunting her all the time, draining her. A sharp pain rushed through her heart as the memory of her husband's arms around her returned. Lee… had he really been back? It must have been a dream as well… He was no longer there.

I must try to go back to sleep. I can't lose my strength. I can't let the pain take control.

Just when her hand moved towards the cabinet drawer where she kept a package of sleep-inducing drugs – just as an emergency reserve if nothing else worked – her eyes caught a set of clothes lying folded up on the shelf beside the closet. It was a grey T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans.

The clothes Bob lent Lee!

The sudden relief brought tears to her eyes, but at the same instant fear churned up her stomach when she thought of the danger Lee was in. It seemed to be certain that Terra Nova would stay in range for about a month, but realistically, nobody ever knew when the Moon would break out of the planet's orbit again, or vice versa. If it happened suddenly and Lee made a desperate attempt of getting back to her, he probably would not survive it. And there was John. He would never accept Lee. She had seen it in his eyes.

Trying hard to breathe calmly, Helena reached out for the drawer with the sleeping pills again, but then she changed her mind, got up, and went to the kitchen area. She still had some of Sarafena's herb tea. That would feel better on her stomach and help her relax as well.

When she finally sat in bed with the steaming cup in her hand, leaning against the bed-head, she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on Lee's last words before they had parted, "We will be together."

If only he's right…

Lee awoke with a start. Somebody had called his name… Blinking, slightly disoriented, he tried to get a clear head. All was dark around him… But not completely dark. The foot of his bed was faintly illuminated by a beam of light that shone through the window of his shack.

Wide awake now, Lee got up and stepped outside to look at the huge full moon hanging in the dark purple Terra Novan night sky. The Earth Moon – so much bigger, and closer, than the small satellite belonging to their planet.

"Hi, Lee. Can't you sleep either?" a soft female voice said beside him. He turned and saw Elaine, the kindhearted nutritionist, smile at him while fastening the zipper of her jacket enveloping her curvy body.

"Hi, Elaine. I just woke up because I had the feeling someone called me." He gazed up at the moon.

"I understand," Elaine said gently.

"What time is it?"

Pushing back her long blonde hair, Elaine checked her watch. "Five past two."

They were both silent for a while, absorbed in the stunning sight above them.

"Gary is so excited about the flights to Moonbase Alpha," Elaine said. "It's all a big adventure to him."

"I know," Lee said. "I'll join him tomorrow."

"Good luck, Lee."

"Thanks."

The command conference was over quickly this morning – everything went smoothly on Alpha, and the material from Terra Nova proved highly useful. Alan and Tony left John's office engrossed in a conversation comparing the Terra Novan Neptune ship to the Eagles, while Kano slowly followed them checking his commlock for messages. Victor picked up his documents, and gave a light smile to John and Helena before leaving the room.

Helena was the last one remaining except John. Getting up from her seat, she was about to leave too, but John held her back by speaking to her. "Are you all right, Helena?"

She paused in her movement, meeting his look. "Yes, I'm all right, John." Her voice sounded monotonous.

"You look... tired," he said hesitantly. "I saw... uhm... I saw he returned to the planet last night." He cursed himself for being so awkward, but he couldn't help it.

Helena nodded. "He's helping with the transport. They'll be back this afternoon." She rearranged her documents, although they were already piled up neatly. "Dr. Carpenter will be on board too. I need all the medical information on the antimatter topic."

"I know." He cleared his throat.

"See you later, John." She was about to leave the room.

"Wait!" he exclaimed impulsively, unable to control himself.

She turned around, facing him again. He couldn't bear the sympathy in her eyes, but he couldn't let her go either.

She seemed to sense it as she slowly sat down again. He fell onto his chair too.

"I..." he began insecurely. "I don't know how to live without you."

"You don't have to live without me, John!" Her tired eyes came alive as she spontaneously reached out to lay her hands on his, but stopped in the middle of the movement as he flinched back. He shook his head, confused. "You said you love me."

"I do!" she said, her voice sounding firmer than before. "I don't love you any less."

She was sincere. He could see it in her eyes. But how could that be?... "You've… made your choice," he said with trouble. "It's him you want, not me."

"That doesn't change what you mean to me, John." Her voice was still firm, and gentle at the same time.

It got more and more difficult to think clearly. "Just… tell me one thing," he finally said. "What if I had proposed to you some weeks or months earlier? Not on the day before he came back?"

"I would have said yes," Helena said honestly. "Thank God I didn't, John. We have to face this. It wouldn't have been right." The look out of her blue-green eyes told him how important it was for her that he understood her. "It's a different kind of love I feel for you, John. It's not the kind of love a woman feels for her husband – for her soulmate. That place in my heart is taken. It has always been taken. I'm sorry, John, I'm so sorry. I don't want to hurt you." A trace of despair clouded her face. "You deserve a woman who loves you... the way you need. A woman who can say 'yes' to you in every respect - not just as a special friend, but as a life partner. I... cannot be that woman for you. I'm sorry," she repeated. Her eyes were still clouded with worry as she looked at him.

John tried to understand, but it seemed impossible for him to get a grasp of anything what Helena said. The anger he had felt the day before had receded. The only thing John felt at this moment was intense exhaustion. There was only one thing left in his mind he wanted to know. "Then... what was it for you, Helena? What we had... what was it for you?"

Helena took a moment to reply. She swallowed hard, and blinked several times. "It was... the happiest time I've had in the last couple of years," she finally said in a hoarse voice. "I never thought I could ever be so happy again after..." She fell silent, but John knew what she was talking about.

And he knew it was over.

The silence was disturbed by a beep from Helena's commlock. "Yes, I'm okay, Bob. I'll be right there." She quickly got up. "See you later, John," she said, just like she had done before, and shyly laid her hand on his shoulder before she left.

He stared at the closed door for a while until he finally pulled himself together to start working again. He couldn't afford to lose himself in his emotions. He had a base to run.

The vacant, desolate expression in John's eyes kept haunting Helena throughout her working day and almost made it impossible for her to eat something for lunch, but she knew it wouldn't do any good for anyone if she lost her strength and ability to concentrate due to a lack of proper nutrition. It was still hard for her to relax, though, because whenever she managed to drag her thoughts away from John and his suffering, her heart cramped with anxiety about Lee's safe return from Terra Nova.

In the early afternoon she had to take care of the badly injured left foot of Jim Haines who had dropped a heavy bottle containing an acid liquid. "You were lucky, Jim!" she told him sternly after treating the injury with a carefully measured amount of turbo-fix-ointment and covered it with an ultra-protecto-bandage set. "If you hadn't worn your boots..."

"I know, Dr. Russell! I'll be more careful from now on," the young scientist promised sheepishly. "Thank you!" He hobbled off. When the door closed behind him, Helena received a text message from Maya who asked her how she was doing. Knowing her friend had a very busy schedule today, Helena felt a wave of warmth and gratitude as she quickly typed her reply, thanking her friend for making her smile.

After finishing the report of Jim's accident and treatment, Helena got up from her chair, and stretched. Then she took her commlock to check it for new messages - and froze in the middle of the movement. There were mixed voices sounding through the thin walls of her office. Her heart leapt - could that be?... She rushed to the door, opened it – and indeed, there he was, talking to Bob and the nurses while holding a big basket containing something that looked like small red fruits. "These are called skyberries," she heard him explain. "Really nice and sweet. I wanted to give you ladies – and you, Dr. Mathias, of course – a little present to make up for all the trouble I caused you last time I was here…

Her relief was so great her knees gave in, and she had to hold on to the door frame. Breathing deeply, she needed a moment to find her voice back. In the middle of all the excited chattering around him, with the nurses raving about the skyberries, Lee looked up and saw her, and a smile spread on his face. Helena discreetly motioned him to come into her office where they could enjoy a moment of privacy.

His tight embrace felt so good. She held him as his lips found hers in a long, passionate kiss.

"You're really back," she whispered when they came up for air, touching his face as if to make sure one more time he was no illusion.

His arms still around her, he said, "I knew you'd be busy, so I just sent you a text message instead of calling…"

"I haven't read it yet," she said with a smile in her blue-green eyes. "Did everything go well?"

"Yes, there was no problem at all." He caressed her cheek. "You look exhausted, my love."

Closing her eyes for a second, she gave in to his touch. "I didn't sleep too much last night. But that doesn't matter now. You're here."

He pulled her closer to himself again. "I don't know yet what's going to happen next," he said softly into her hair. "I only know I will not leave you tonight."

Whispering his name, she held him tightly and pressed her face against his chest. They stood like this for a moment, then they slowly moved apart, and he softly kissed her again. "By the way," he said with a light smile, "There's somebody else who'd like to see you." He led her to the door, and they entered the main area again. A tall, boyish woman with short brown hair emerged from the examination room next door, and gave a beaming smile when she saw Helena.

"Angela…!" Returning her smile, Helena rushed up to her long-lost colleague, holding out her hands. Although the two women had only seen each other once before the Astro Seven mission had been launched, they were both so touched by the miraculousness of the situation they impulsively hugged each other.

"Oh, Helena! It's so good to see you again!" Dr. Angela Carpenter looked at the other woman, almost in awe. "It's incredible what you've built up here! And, Lee…" Her eyes rested on the couple in front of her. "You both look so happy." She laid her hand on Helena's arm for a moment. "There's so much I'd like to talk to you about, Helena, but I'll be here until tomorrow evening. I'll understand if you go and spend some time with your husband."

Helena gave her a grateful smile. "Actually, my shift is almost over. If you all agree, I'll go off duty now and be back tomorrow afternoon for the late shift – unless there's an emergency, of course! I'm looking forward to talking to you tomorrow, Angela. – What about you, Lee? Is there anything you need to take care of?"

Smiling too, Lee shook his head. "Gary and the others told me they'd call me if they need me. – Oh, by the way, you have to try the skyberries, love!"

"They do look delicious… mmmmm!" Helena closed her eyes with delight. "They taste like the sweetest raspberries I've ever eaten… only much better!" Taking another handful of the berries, she gave Bob some final instructions, and then exhaled deeply when the doors of Medical Centre closed behind her and Lee.

A few hours later, they lay in bed curled up to each other, her head resting on his shoulder while his fingers softly ran through her hair. Absorbed in their togetherness, neither of them felt like thinking of the next day, and of what lay ahead. Still, both of them knew they would have to face the difficult situation soon.

Finally, Helena said, "You maybe got a bit of an idea of how Alpha works, as far as rule-making is concerned. This is no democracy. The Moonbase was designed to be commanded by a single person supported by a team of senior officers." She took a deep breath while Lee listened attentively to her words. "John… is a fair leader," Helena went on. "He's not the dictator type, like Gorski was. He… does have a strong character, but he always listens to all our opinions – of the whole command staff, I mean."

Lee nodded pensively. "I've seen the round table in his office. I like that."

They were silent again, each one of them lost in their own thoughts. After a while, Lee gently lifted Helena's chin and gave her a tender kiss. "We should try to get some sleep now, my love."

"You're right. Good night, honey."

"Good night."

"So that's what you use to communicate?" Fascinated, Helena scrutinized the small round object in Lee's hand. They were sitting on the sofa after having finished breakfast.

"Yes, we call it a transmic. It doesn't have a visual screen like your commlock, but the audio system works quite well." He checked the time on the commpost. "Gary should be here now with the last batch of material. I know they told me they'd call me if necessary, but I need something to do this afternoon when you're back at work." He gave her a slightly mischievous smile. "Unless you want me to come and help you at Medical Centre?"

Helena chuckled. "Oh, that's a brilliant idea! I'll never forget the look on your face when I told you about my work in the emergency room, on one of our first dates... You went very pale and almost couldn't eat your dinner." Her eyes began to sparkle as she got lost in memories.

Lee laughed. "Oh, right! I could never forget that!" He pulled her closer to himself, kissing her hair while still chuckling. Then he turned back to his transmic. "Let's see if I can reach Gary... Ah, there he is!" He smiled, showing Helena the small display where the name Gary Sheffield lit up. "Good morning!... How is it going?... Oh, already finished?!... Okay. I think I'll see you later. Bye!" He closed the connection, then looked at his wife, pensively. "The exchange of material is finished," he said. "That means I must find something else to do. Maybe I could..."

He was interrupted by a beep at the door.

It was Pete Ronalds, a security officer. "Good morning, Dr. Russell. Sorry for bothering you during your off duty time. Can I come in for a minute?" he asked.

Helena let him in, and the young man with close-cropped brown hair entered, smiling shyly at the couple in front of him. He didn't fit the cliché of the typical security man – he was rather short and lean, but Helena had seen him in several tricky situations and knew how fast and strong he could be. She introduced him to her husband, then asked, "What can I do for you, Pete?"

"Well… I…" He blushed a little, then looked at Lee. "First of all, Mr. Russell, I'd like to tell you I was really fascinated by your lecture. I didn't have the chance to listen to it yesterday, but I've read it on the intranet, and – wow! What can I say! I really admire you and your crew, what you established… what you achieved." He paused to draw breath. "It would be great if I could get the chance to talk to you all… whenever you have some time… and your crewmates."

"I think that can be arranged, Mr. Ronalds. My crewmates would like that too, I'm sure!" Lee said with a friendly smile.

Pete returned the smile, then his face turned very serious. He cleared his throat. "Mr. Russell, there is something else." He looked embarrassed. "I'm really sorry, but… I must ask you to return your guest commlock." He held out his hand.

"What?!" Helena asked with an irriated frown. Lee looked puzzled.

"Sorry!" Pete repeated, blushing even more. "I've got my orders. From my boss."

"From… Tony?" Helena stared at the young man, utterly perplexed. "Why would he give such an order? It doesn't make any sense… My husband won't be able to go anywhere without his commlock. He wouldn't even be able to leave this room!"

"I'm sorry, Dr. Russell… Mr. Russell." Pete appeared slightly desperate. "Mr. Verdeschi said… since the only purpose the commlock was given to Mr. Russell was because of the lecture he gave, and the conference he attended, and since both of that is over now, he should be treated like everybody else of his crew. None of them received a guest commlock when they came here transporting things."

Lee nodded slowly. "I see."

"It's still not right to take it away from him," Helena said with forced calmness. "I know it's not your fault, Pete, but I need to point this out. There is a big difference between Lee and the rest of the crew. Everybody else is just coming here for brief visits, going back to the planet after their work is done, but Lee…"

She was stopped by Lee laying his hand on her arm. "For the moment, let's comply. I'm sure we can all work it out later." He picked up his guest commlock from the coffee table and handed it to the security officer while Helena angrily began typing Tony's code into her own. Just at that moment, Pete's commlock beeped. "Oh! Look at this!" He held out his commlock for Helena and Lee to read the text message: Order overruled by Commander. Commlock is to be returned to Lee Russell immediately.

After Pete had left, truly relieved, Helena typed a message into her commlock with trembling fingers. Thank you.

She got no reply.

A moment of pensive silence followed.

Then, Lee's commlock beeped. He answered it, and immediately took on a formal posture. "Commander Koenig?"

"The transport is finished." John's voice sounded gruffly from the commlock's speaker. "Are you planning to go back with Dr. Carpenter tonight?"

Lee thought for a second before speaking again. "May I make a suggestion, Commander?"

John pierced him with his eyes in a grim silence, which Lee decided to take as an invitation to go ahead. "If you allow me to stay a couple of days in a row, I would like to use the opportunity to do some practical training with your pilot team. I have never flown an Eagle before, and I could introduce the Viper to the pilots here. If there is anything I can do to serve Alpha, just let me know."

John hesitated, visibly struggling with himself. Then he said firmly, "There's a problem with the nuclear waste disposal number five, in the lunar area B seventy-six. I'm sending a team of technicians and scientists there to do some measurements and analyses. They'll work on site until tomorrow morning, spending the night on board the Eagle. Are you ready to join them?"

"Certainly, Commander. What time shall I leave?"

"Right now. Eagle Three will lift off in thirty minutes. Get ready." The connection was closed.

"Okay." Jumping up, Lee quickly pulled on his white uniform jacket. "I'd better hurry."

"I'll take you to the launch pad." Helena slipped into her shoes and fastened her commlock to the waistband of her blue jeans. Her hands were trembling.

They were the only passengers in the travel tube. Both feeling tense, they were sitting silently, hands tightly entwined.

"You'll…" Helena swallowed, trying to suppress her anxiety. "You'll get a space suit in the launch area. And anything else you need you'll find on board the Eagle. Working material… food and water… toiletries…"

Lee squeezed his wife's hand. "I'll be all right."

They were both aware of how dangerous this job was, but they didn't speak it out. When they reached the launch area – a large hall with closets and shelves full of technical equipment – a group of crew members was standing around talking, already wearing their space suits, prepared for the flight. When Helena and Lee entered the hall, Alan came up to them. "Good morning!" he said with a light smile. "Can I help you two?" He looked a bit confused as he gazed at Lee in his Astro Seven uniform and Helena in her off duty outfit of a purple blouse and blue jeans.

He hasn't been informed, Helena thought, and was about to explain the situation when Alan's commlock beeped, announcing the arrival of a text message. Quickly, Alan read it, then nodded understandingly. "All right. The Commander just informed me."

"Sorry about the short notice, Captain Carter," Lee said. "I'll do my best to be of help, and I'm looking forward to working with you."

"Uhm… right." Alan still looked a bit dumbfounded.

While Lee introduced himself to the other participants waiting in the launch area – there were six of them altogether – Helena quietly said, "Please… take care of him, Alan."

The chief pilot nodded. "No worries. I'll bring him back in one piece." Then he turned to the waiting crew. "George, would you show Mr. Russell where the space suits are? We're going to lift off in fifteen minutes."

Dashing back to Helena, Lee gave her a quick kiss.

"Lee, be careful…"

"Don't worry, love. I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast!" With a smile that revealed his beginning excitement, he hurriedly followed physicist George Miller who led him to a connecting room.

Suddenly, Helena spotted Victor who had been talking to the waiting crew members with a clipboard in his hand. He obviously wasn't going to be part of the team since he was the only person around without a space suit. He cast a glance at the door Lee had just disappeared through, then turned around and saw Helena. After exchanging a Good morning, Victor gave a slight frown. "Why wasn't your husband given a guest uniform if he's taking part in a mission – like me?" He pointed to his own all beige uniform without a coloured sleeve. He had got so used to it he didn't want to change it, although he had been offered a new uniform with the Science Section's red sleeve many times.

Helena hesitated to answer.

"I assume that was a silly question?" the professor added cautiously.

She silently shook her head, then cleared her throat. "Victor, do you have some time to tell me more about your research on moon dust recycling you mentioned the other day? Or are you busy?"

"Oh, not at all. It would be my pleasure to tell you everything about my project you'd like to know. But – aren't you going to relax a bit during your precious off duty time?"

Shaking her head again, Helena said quietly, "I need any distraction I can get. Let me just go and change, then I'll come to your lab, okay?"

"Any time you like, Helena." He gave her a friendly smile, and Helena got on the travel tube back to her quarters, trying to concentrate on the day of work waiting for her.

Chapter 9

"I did this for you! "

Angrily, Tony stood in front of John Koenig's desk staring down at his friend. "Why did you overrule my order to take away Russell's commlock?"

Unnerved, John threw the pen he had taken some notes with on the desk. "Tony, I appreciate your loyalty. Really, I do. But…"

"John!" Tony interrupted him. "I have known you and Helena long enough. She will come to her senses! She's all rosey-eyed now, but as soon as that guy is back where he belongs, she will wake up! Why do you let her make a fool out of you in front of the whole moonbase?"

John simply shook his head. He was so tired. And through his emotional turmoil he knew Helena would never humiliate him on purpose. "Look." He showed Tony his stun gun. "It would be so easy to knock him off. But I am no murderer! Yes, I could get rid of him in a heartbeat. And what do you think Helena would say? Do you honestly think she would ever forgive me? Use your brains, Tony!" He scowled at his friend. "If he's going to hang around here, he might as well make himself useful!"

With gleaming eyes, teeth clenched, Tony stared in front of himself. "It just seems wrong that he's here now, claiming Helena back as if you had never existed." He breathed heavily. "Just one word from you, John. That's all I need. One word from you, and I'll send him to hell!"

John couldn't help grinning a little. His world was falling to pieces, but there was a friend who was ready to fight for him. "Thank you, Tony," he murmured.

Tony let out his breath in an irritated sigh. "Women! Why do they always have to be so hyperemotional?! Yes, even Helena, who's the most rational woman I know! She's in a kind of honeymoon now, but that won't last forever! She will come to her senses, I'm sure of that."

"Of course I hope she will come to her senses!" John snapped with a desperate flicker in his blue eyes. "But I can't force it!"

Tony gave another irritated sigh, then he had to return to work.

Alone again, John couldn't keep his thoughts from drifting back to the way Lee Russell had talked to him, two days ago after the lecture, and this morning when John had assigned him with the job on Eagle Three. The man had looked him straight into his eyes, calmly and self-assured. His attitude and the tone of his voice had not been submissive, but polite and respectful. Why is he no arrogant asshole? Why doesn't he give me a reason to smash my fist into his face?

These thoughts were rambling in John's mind throughout the day. He had tried to contact Helena two or three times, but she had always been busy, telling him she would get back to him later when she had more time. Since there was no urgent issue to discuss, John felt reluctant to order her to talk to him.

Early in the morning on the next day, Alan entered John's office shortly before the command conference began.

"Alan! How did it go?" John poured a cup of coffee and offered it to his friend, motioning him to sit down.

"Ah, thanks." Gulping down the black liquid, Alan rubbed his tired eyes. "All went well!" he stated. "The problem with Number Five was detected quickly, and we could fix it with the material we had on board. It took some time, but everything went smoothly. And everybody worked well."

John noticed Alan avoided his look when he spoke the last sentence.

Slightly alarmed, John decided to dig for more information. "How did Lee Russell do? Was he of any use?"

Alan nodded. "He definitely was. He was a big help in finding the problem, and he didn't mind getting his hands dirty." He looked as if he was going to say more, but he pressed his lips shut.

"What is it, Alan?" John urged him on. "You're holding back something, I can see it!"

"Well…" Awkwardly, Alan shifted in his chair. Then he met John's look, a trace of guilt in his eyes. "I'm sorry, John, I know I should have checked it with you first. But… well… on our way back here… I let him fly the Eagle."

"You did what?!"

"Yeah, I know, I should have asked you first. Sorry. But it just happened due to the situation and the circumstances. It was a long flight, everybody else was sleeping or resting, Lee was the only one who volunteered to sit with me in the command module…"

Clenching his jaws, John thought, Of course he volunteered. He's trying to suck up to you all.

"…So we talked and I explained it all to him, how the Eagle works. He's a fast learner, obviously. And then, well, I let him fly the ship for the rest of the journey. He's really a capable pilot, John."

Being aware that Alan was not the type to praise other pilots easily, his words hit John in a sensitive spot, which he had not been prepared for. Apart from that, though, John grudgingly had to admit one thing – that Russell character had guts.

"It was… great to work with him!" Alan said, then stared down at his empty coffee cup. "Shit," he mumbled.

"Alan, look at me." John tried hard to sound calm. "You like him. That's…" He drew a deep breath. "That's okay. I'm not blaming you. You're free to like or dislike anybody you want."

Relief spread on Alan's face, although there was still that trace of guilt in his expression. "John, I…"

"It's okay," John repeated, interrupting him. "Let's just not talk about it. Now, could you give me a moment? I need to take some notes before the conference starts."

When Alan had left, John resolutely typed a number of codes and orders into the computer system. All right, Russell. So you want to serve Alpha, huh! You got it. You passed your first test, I'll give you that. But you'll soon see there are lots of other tasks here on Alpha, even dirtier and harder than the one you just did. And there are many jobs that need to be done, but are boring as hell. Let's see how you like that. You will beg me on your knees to let you go back to your damn planet and return to Earth. And Helena will see who she truly belongs to.

Helena closed another file on her computer that was sitting on the small working desk in her living room. She briefly considered going to bed – a glance at the clock had told her it was past midnight – but Lee was not home yet, and she knew she couldn't relax enough to sleep as long as she didn't know he was safe.

This was the tenth day of Lee's working tour around Alpha. His schedule was very busy, packed with activities all over the moonbase. Lee was thrilled about any opportunity to join Alan and the other pilots on an Eagle flight, no matter how tiring the job was. On most days he had been so tired at night he had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. His work assignments changed so rapidly, even during one day, he never knew where he was sent next, and Helena couldn't see what he was doing or when he would be finished.

Reaching for her commlock, Helena decided to give Lee a call to ask him if everything was all right, when the door to her quarters slid open and her husband entered. "Hey, you're still awake?" he said as a smile spread on his tired face. "I didn't call because I didn't want to wake you up."

Helena was taken aback when she saw him – he was covered in thick black dust all over. "Lee! For heaven's sake, what have you…"

"Just a second, love! I'll take a shower, then I'll be all yours!" He hurried into the sanitary area, and Helena turned to her computer with a frown.

A few minutes later, Lee emerged out of the shower room wearing an Alphan blue pair of pyjamas. Helena couldn't help feeling a twinge of anxiety when she saw her husband dressed like that, as the memory of all the suppressed fear and pain during that day had not faded yet, and probably never would. Tonight, though, Lee seemed just as healthy and in good spirits as on every other day he had been here with her since his arrival on Alpha. His freshly washed hair looked a bit wild, and his eyes, although showing how exhausted he was, radiated happiness. There could not have been a bigger contrast to his unstable antimatter existence one year ago.

Helena went over to him for a tight embrace and a kiss, but then she moved a little away from him and pointed to the computer, frowning again. "I just checked it on the intranet - you've been sent to the catacombs! Digging for tiranium from early in the morning till... now?!"

Lee sighed. "Well… I admit it was a bit tiring. But I don't regret having done it. It gave me…" Helena was about to interrupt him, but he put his arm around her shoulder and steered her towards the sofa. "Come on, let's sit down."

"Lee, you're an astronaut and scientist!" Still upset, Helena looked at her husband as they sat closely together. "You should not be given a task like that. It's just… not right."

"Helena, any task here on Alpha is an important one." Lee looked at his wife very seriously. "There is no unworthy work. I thought we agreed about that!"

"Of course we agree about that! But what John is doing here is… not fair! He's trying to discourage you!"

Calmingly, he took her hand in his. "I don't feel discouraged by that kind of work, Helena. On the contrary, I get to know the moonbase really well. I get to talk with so many different people. And tomorrow…" His sleepy eyes lit up. "I'm going to the nutrition section. I can't wait!"

In spite of her worries, Helena couldn't help chuckling. "You really are a cook at heart, aren't you!"

"Always been!" He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "Darling, it will all work out, I'm sure. I'm going to use this chance. I'm having a good time here. And even when I don't, I know that after work I'll be with you. That makes it all worthwhile."

"Oh, Lee…" Returning his hug, Helena kissed him deeply.

"All right, Mr. Ravani, this should give you some relief when you've got trouble breathing again," Bob Mathias said as he handed the slender young maintenance worker a small spray bottle. "But if it gets worse, come to Medical immediately! Bronchial asthma is not to be taken lightly. And remember, you can't be exposed to moon dust any more. That stuff is really dangerous for your lungs. I'll send a message to your supervisor later. You're off duty for the rest of the day."

Coughing, the dark-haired Pakistani worker got up from the examination couch. "Thanks, Dr. Mathias."

At that moment, the entrance door slid open, and the chief medical officer entered the room. "Good morning, everyone!" Her look fell on the young worker who was coughing violently again. "Oohh, that sounds bad, Mr. … Sorry, I can't remember your name!"

"H… Hassan Ravani!" the patient croaked, then used the spray bottle, trying to inhale deeply.

"Allergic asthma caused by moon dust," Bob explained to Helena. "I already arranged for him to be transferred to a different workplace, and put him on respikin turbo." He handed her the patient's record.

"Good." Glancing over the sheet, Helena nodded approvingly at her colleague.

"Dr. Russell!" Still breathing heavily, but smiling, Hassan approached the CMO. "Actually, I wouldn't have come here if… if your husband hadn't talked severely to me when… we worked together last night. I told him not to worry about me, but he said he would drag me here if he had to. Frankly, I don't like…" He coughed again. "I don't like people telling me what to do, but I had so much trouble breathing I… well… in the end I decided to follow his advice. Now, I'm really glad I did."

"You did the right thing, Mr. Ravani!" Helena assured him, and Bob nodded.

After Ravani had left, Helena looked at her commlock, and frowned slightly.

"Is anything wrong?" Bob asked.

"No, it's just… I'm trying to contact John because there's something I forgot to tell him during the command conference. His commlock says he's in a meeting. Well…" She put the device back to her belt. "I'll try again later." She went to her office.

Pensively looking after her, Bob wondered who John might be talking to right now…

"Commander Koenig, thank you so much for taking the time to see me." The short, chubby woman with a light brown curly head faced him, looking a bit nervous, but sure of herself.

Still a bit puzzled by her sudden request of a talk, John waved her thanks off. "Well… what can I do for you, Miriam? Uh… have a seat."

Miriam Minkowski, a Polish lady in her forties who was the head of the cleaning staff, straightened as she looked at him again. "I just had to come by and say thank you, Commander," she said, trying to smooth her dark blue work coat as she sat down. "You sent us Lee Russell to help us in our section this week, and I can only say – he's an excellent worker."

Hearing that name from her made John wince inside, and he fervently hoped it hadn't shown on the outside. He couldn't tell whether Miriam had noticed anything or not, as she just kept on speaking: "He's always in such a good mood, cheering everybody up. And most of all, he obviously doesn't feel like he's above doing work like that. There are quite a few people among my crew who are… difficult sometimes. But somehow, since Mr. Russell came to join us, the atmosphere changed for the better. We…" She sighed. "We were all sad when he left us three days ago, switching to maintenance. But we were aware from the beginning on that he, a man with his background, could never work with us forever. If I may say this, Commander, I think it was a very good decision to send Lee Russell to all kinds of different workplaces, even to places an astronaut normally would never go. It will help him so much to get used to life and work on Alpha. Commander Koenig, please allow me to say… You are a wise leader. And a generous personality. I just had to say that." Blushing slightly, she quickly got up and excused herself, saying she had to return to work now.

John sat motionlessly after she had left, his mouth hanging open. I shall be damned.

A generous personality. He almost burst out in a laugh – a short, bitter, cynical laugh of chaos and confusion.

Abruptly, John got up from his chair. He needed to get out of here, even if just for a moment. He needed a break. He, Commander John Koenig, needed a break just like anybody else on the moonbase. Even when he was officially on duty. He was always on call anyway.

Hurrying down the corridor, he grabbed the commlock from his belt – a belt that had begun to hang loosely around his waist. – Oh, I'm turning more and more into a lean, model-like guy! he thought sarcastically. "Paul? I'll be off duty for an hour. Call me if anything happens."

"Okay, John!"

Closing the connection, John stood in front of the travel tube, for a moment unsure of where to go. He let his eyes wander along the board of stations stuck to the wall of the travel unit, checking all the possibilities. His look fell on the station "Spiritual Centre".

Since there were people from all corners of the world living on Alpha, there was the need to provide the opportunity to live and practice all kinds of religions. There were different rooms designed for Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, and Hindu worshipping, and one big hall with room for a hundred people to be used for services and other religious gatherings. The whole system, although well-intentioned, had turned out to be incomplete because there was no priest or any person of a similar position on Alpha. Shortly before Breakaway, it had been planned to assign a professional representative of each of those religions on the moonbase, but, naturally, it had never happened. Instead, several amateurs of various spiritual orientations took turns in organising gatherings and events for anybody who felt like attending. Especially, one young Austrian botanist from Hydroponics named Karl Schuster, who had minored in Protestant theology, was happy to preach a sermon almost every morning when his duty schedule allowed him to. For some reason unknown even to himself, John, an agnostic, liked attending those sermons from time to time, even though they made him doze off most of the times. He didn't really care about what was said – he simply liked the soothing effect of the preacher's words.

Opening the door of the big hall, he glanced inside to see if there was anything going on. With a barely stifled groan, he recoiled immediately: Not that guy again! Closing his eyes for a moment, he shook his head, then he looked again, wondering if he was so out of it he was beginning to hallucinate. But there he was – Lee Russell, sitting in a circle with about ten other people from different sections, playing guitar as they all sang Down By the Riverside together. Karl, the botanist preacher, was among them, beaming with joy, looking more enthusiastic than ever.

Stumbling backwards, John hurried to close the door, hoping nobody had noticed him. Why?! Why did Lee Russell have to be here? Why did he have to be all over the place?

Because I sent him there myself. The realization hit John, making him curse under his breath as he hurried back to the travel tube. I thought it was a brilliant idea to send him to work in the Spiritual Centre, assisting Karl Schuster and the other spiritual amateurs, absolutely certain he would be bored to death. Instead, everybody is having a great time with him.

Having reached his quarters, John stared out of the window into the black void, as if he could find an answer there. All that work was too easy for him. I'll have to make it harder.

Time passed.

John was still in touch with Captain O'Neill once in a while, learning a lot about the antimatter phenomenon and how the Astro Seven crew managed to overcome the problem of adjusting. Since the transport of material between Alpha and the planet was finished, visits from Terra Nova had become less frequent. The atmosphere on Alpha was tense; there was nobody – neither on the moonbase nor on the planet – who did not sense the Commander's emotional crisis and the reason for it. The reunion of Helena and Lee Russell had turned out to be an inhibition for anybody of the Astro Seven crew to ask permission of visiting Moonbase Alpha again. Silence had spread between the two crews, with only their leaders communicating from time to time.

"John?"

He looked up from his desk. Helena, standing by the door of his office, had stayed back after the command conference, as she mostly did. Lately, he didn't appreciate it like he had used to. He wanted to be left alone. Today, she didn't seem to be ready to do him that favour.

"I've got to talk to you."

That sounded like trouble, and the stern look in her blue-green eyes confirmed his impression. Bracing himself, John leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. "Why don't you sit down again?" he said, looking up at her, pretending to be all cool and settled.

"I prefer standing up right now." Her eyes narrowed as she stepped a bit closer towards his desk. "Lee has been doing hard labour non-stop for two weeks without a single day off. He doesn't get any proper breaks, and only a few hours of sleep every night. Of course, he keeps telling me he's all right, since he's determined to use this chance. He never complains. He would never admit he's exhausted – you stubborn men are all the same!" Her eyes were flashing. "But he's beginning to show symptoms – headache, high blood pressure, his pulse is racing!" She pierced John with her look, and he began to wonder when he had last seen her so angry. "John, I won't take this any longer. Medically it can't be allowed to let him go on like that." She pulled a document out of the file she was carrying with her, and placed it on the desk in front of John with a forceful movement. "I've put him on sick leave for three days. And if he doesn't feel significantly better by the third day, I will extend it."

John was about to give a sharp retort, but Helena cut him off. "He will rest for three days, and that's final, John!"

Again, John opened his mouth to protest, but looking at her flaming eyes he realized he had reached a limit with Helena. He had to be careful not to upset her too much. "All right!" he said, raising his hands in a calming gesture. "All right. I understand." Trying to make his voice sound as firm as possible, he went on. "I... uhm... I don't mind if he takes a few days off after his sick leave. It's..." He took a deep breath. "It's for the sake of all of us, after all. I mean... if he gets sick, who knows if he'll be able to control that antimatter thing."

"Exactly." Helena gave a grim nod as she replied, but John could see how relieved she was. "I'm…" She cleared her throat. "I'm glad we understand each other."

They were both silent for a moment, then John got up from his chair. He suddenly felt restless. Her presence began to confuse him. "I'll go and have a look how the repair of Eagle Five is going on." Pointing his commlock at the door, he was about to leave.

"Wait, John."

Her voice made him turn around. She still looked a bit upset, but there was something else in her eyes. When she spoke again, it sounded a bit tense, but softer than before. "Speaking of getting sick from overwork," she said, "you don't look too good either, John."

He frowned, feeling caught. "What are you talking about?!"

"I can see you're suffering from insomnia, and you lost weight, too." She looked at him, and he could see the concern in her eyes.

Impulsively, without thinking, he gripped her arms. He couldn't restrain himself any longer. "Helena… don't you miss me too?" he asked huskily.

Helena appeared a bit startled, but then she looked at him openly. "Yes, I miss you indeed, John. I miss your friendship. Your trust. I miss our talks about things concerning Alpha. I miss all that so much."

"You could have all that again," John heard himself say, "if you just…" Stop it, idiot. It's useless. "If you just came back to me."

"John, you know I'm not coming back to you. I'm sorry," she said plainly and quietly. Her look was determined, but there was also sympathy and affection showing in her eyes. "I know it's hard for you, and I don't expect you to ever forgive me…" An expression of pain darkened her face for a moment, "But it can't be helped. Now please let me go."

But John was not able to loosen his grasp of her arms.

"John. Please. Let me go."

"Commander," suddenly a voice came from the door, "My wife asked you to let her go."

Neither of them had noticed the door was still open. Lee Russell entered the office, carrying a folder saying maintenance report. He looked into John's eyes, slowly approaching him, putting the folder onto the desk beside him. His expression and attitude were calm and controlled, but his eyes showed an unmistakable flash of a warning.

That guy. John let Helena go and walked up to Lee. The two men fixed their eyes upon each other silently. Helena watched them uneasily, feeling the tension building up between them. "Lee, it's all right!" she said hoarsely, but Lee didn't seem to hear her. His eyes were still focussing on John.

"It's time we talked!" Lee said finally, using exactly the same words John had said to him that day before the security guards had taken him to the Commander's office – right here.

"Lee… John… maybe we should…" Helena began, but then her commlock beeped. Emergency! Perforated appendix! Surgery now! The message blinked in red letters, and Helena dashed off immediately.

John closed the door behind her, and with a single touch of his commlock he activated the private meeting status. "All right. Nobody will disturb us now."

From the corner of his eyes, Lee recognized the room. This was where he had been interrogated that day, where he had desperately tried to warn John and Victor about Terra Nova – without success. This was where his antimatter body had finally collapsed, making everybody think he was dead… He thrust the memory aside. It didn't matter now. The present was more important – and the future. Right now, he had to deal with John Koenig who was obviously trying hard to find a way to get rid of him. It would not be easy. But now, Lee was no longer in a state of confusion and instability. He was in possession of his full power, both physically and mentally, even though he was drained by the hard labour he had been assigned with lately.

Sensing how Lee was gathering his strength, John took a step closer towards him, watching him expectantly. Come on. Attack me. I've been waiting for this moment all the time. He clenched his fists.

But Lee Russell didn't show any signs of aggression. He was still tense and on guard, prepared to fight if he had to, but he remained calm. "Commander, it can't go on like this between us," he said. "I suppose we've got to find a way to get along with each other. Don't you agree?"

"Get along with each other!" John repeated, struggling to keep his temper. "I'm tolerating you on my moonbase. Isn't that enough for you?"

"I appreciate that, of course. I appreciate the chance to get to know Alpha through the work you're giving me." The look in his eyes was serious as he went on. "I would like to do it properly, Commander. I request to be accepted as a regular member of your crew."

The boldness of his words shocked John, although he knew he should have been prepared. The moment of shock was soon replaced by a fresh wave of anger. "How can you even think for a second I would ever accept you!" he growled.

He had expected Lee to protest, or to try to convince him, but all the other man did was look at him silently. There was no animosity in his eyes, no disdain, no threat. He simply nodded. "I'm well aware of the fact that my presence here on Alpha is a burden on you, Commander Koenig. I'm sorry about that."

Roughly, John seized the collar of Lee's uniform jacket. "Don't you dare pity me!"

"That's not my intention," Lee said calmly, obviously not at all impressed by John's reaction.

Lee's stoical attitude provoked John even more. Blind with rage, he struck a blow against Lee's face – and missed. Lee had blocked it. Flabbergasted, John stared at his right arm that was held by the iron grip of Lee's left hand.

"Let's stop that, Commander." Lee's voice was still calm and composed. "Look. I know you are a strong, well trained Kendo fighter. I have a black belt in Karate myself. If we two start a fight, we could really seriously hurt each other. Can you imagine how Helena would feel if she had to scrape us both off the floor?"

Reluctantly, John stepped back from him. He knew Lee was right, although he hated to admit it. Suddenly he realized he had almost violated an important rule of his position as Commander. Was there anything more improper and unprofessional than punching a person he was responsible for – not even in self-defence, but in the heat of passion?! John was shocked about himself. Yet, he couldn't suppress his grudge against Lee Russell. He felt like flinging all kinds of humiliations and insults at him, hitting him where it hurt. With great effort, John managed to hold it back. At the last second, he realized it would cost him his dignity completely. Now, his dignity was all he had left.

Trying to breathe deeply, John focused back on the man in front of him who was waiting silently. He realized Lee Russell was not a wimp who couldn't stand up for himself. And it was not only his physical power. Even in his upset state of mind, John had not lost his profound understanding of human nature, and he could usually rely on his judgement. Even now, through the blurr of anger, pain, and hatred, he had to admit the other man radiated great inner strength. John expected some kind of triumph and gloating from Russell. But there was nothing of that kind.

"Has it never occurred to you," Lee spoke again, "that it's all very difficult for Helena too?"

"Difficult! She doesn't look to me like anything's difficult for her. Why should it be? She's got what she wants," John said bitterly.

"That may be true. But seeing you suffer makes her sad. It's very hard for her, John… Commander," he corrected himself.

The grudge stung John's heart like a thorn. "I guess you've got your methods to comfort her," he muttered in a choked voice.

"She needs more than that," Lee said quietly. "She needs your understanding."

"Understanding!… Understanding!" John paced the room, feeling his anger welling up again. "You are… you are so goddamn understanding all the time! It makes me sick!" He stood in front of Lee, breathing heavily. "Don't you get it? I screwed your wife! Many times! And she enjoyed it!"

Lee tensed up for a second, then nodded. "I know."

"You know! You…" John helplessly sawed the air with his hands, "How the hell can you be so cool?! What kind of man are you?!"

Lee looked at him thoughtfully. "I'm not really that different from you," he said.

Suddenly, John felt burned-out. Lee's imperturbability had taken the wind out of his sails. He had enough. With his last ounce of strength, he straightened up and looked firmly at Lee. "This talk is useless. Leave me alone now."

"As you wish, Commander." Lee nodded at him, turning towards the door.

John tried, in vain, to find a trace of contempt or mockery in Lee's voice, but all he heard was calmness and respect. Shaking his head in exasperation, he stared at the door that closed behind Helena's husband. His hand clenched around the folder with the maintenance report that lay on the desk. I wish your resume wasn't so outstanding. I wish you weren't such a damn good worker. Under other circumstances I would be more than glad to have someone like you in my crew, bastard!

The planet is going to drift away soon.

I want you on that planet.

"Victor, why don't you call it a day? It's getting late, and I can really manage on my own from here," Maya said, smiling at the professor who was rubbing his temples, looking a bit absent-minded. The two of them were the only ones left in the Science Section's office.

"Oh!" Looking caught, Victor turned to his young colleague. "It's all right, Maya, I don't feel tired at all. I've just been… thinking." He sighed, shaking his head. "It is difficult to concentrate for me lately."

Nodding understandingly, Maya stared at the computer screen in front of her without perceiving anything. "I feel the same."

A moment of silence followed.

"You're.. worried about the Commander," Maya stated finally, looking at Victor again.

Hesitantly, the professor nodded. "I'm afraid he's having great trouble accepting the situation as it is," he said cautiously. "He's… fighting a battle he cannot win."

Maya looked down at her hands that were clasping a pen she had picked up to write down something she had already forgotten. "I feel sorry for him," she said softly. "It must be incredibly hard for him to face the fact that he has lost Helena. But… it's so obvious that Helena made her choice. Actually… it almost feels as if she didn't even need to make a choice. It has always been clear to whom her heart belongs. She had just… buried it inside herself."

"The way a woman feels will always be a mystery to me," Victor admitted, looking a bit helpless.

Maya couldn't help smiling, but turned serious again immediately. "It is complicated at times, I agree with that, Victor. There are people who… mean a lot to us, but all in a different way." She thought for a moment, putting her pen down and leaning back in her chair. "We haven't had any time to talk recently, but I know Helena still cares a lot for the Commander. She's not the type of person who simply gets rid of someone, without caring about them anymore. She's just not like that."

"Very true." Victor slowly began to pile up his documents. Then he looked at Maya again, pensively. "You and Helena have become close friends, haven't you?"

"Yes, we have," Maya confirmed. "That's why I feel so torn in two, Victor." A trace of torment darkened her finely chiseled features. "Helena and the Commander are… the two most important people to me on Alpha. They were with me when I lost my home. They were… the ones who took care of me when I broke down in the Eagle… getting away from Psychon." She closed her eyes for a moment, waiting for her breath to calm down.

Victor waited patiently until she was ready to go on talking.

"I will never forget their kindness – their readiness to accept me among them, after all what they experienced on my planet," she said quietly. "I owe my life to Commander Koenig, who pulled me with him, away from the fire… and my father…" Again, she stopped.

Shyly, Victor laid his hand on hers for a moment.

Pulling herself together, Maya managed to give him a little smile. Still, she looked sad and troubled. "Now, seeing the Commander suffer like that… is terrible." She swallowed. "And then – there is Helena, who offered me her friendship when I had just arrived here, when almost everybody was suspicious and wary about me." She looked at Victor. "It's okay, I don't blame anyone. I know it was not easy for you all to accept an alien on Alpha. It's just – I had to be so grateful to you Alphans for saving my life and giving me a new home that I couldn't tell anyone how lonely I was feeling. Little by little, people started trusting me and being nice to me, but there was always a distance between me and everybody else, and I couldn't feel at home here for a long time. I couldn't sleep at night and felt tired and depressed."

Victor nodded sympathetically.

"So one night I went to Medical Centre. I just wanted a sleeping pill, nothing else. But Helena looked at me and saw what was wrong at once. She took my hand and said, ´You feel lost here, don't you, Maya?´, and I broke down. She held me while I cried and couldn't stop." She paused, facing her colleague again. "I know how busy Helena is. It's not her job to comfort a traumatized alien, and she did it anyway. She gave me her precious time and listened to me. She was the first one who really listened to me. She was so kind and understanding… I don't know what I would have done without her."

"I see," Victor said gently, letting his look rest on the young Psychon facing him.

"You know, Victor," Maya said after thinking for a while. "I haven't seen Helena much these days, or Lee – which is natural since they are both working so much, and the little off duty time they've got they're spending with each other, of course. But the few times I've seen them together it really struck me how… I don't even know how to describe it. Helena looks so… happy and at peace with herself. I'm not saying she didn't look happy when she was with the Commander!" she hurried to add. "But it's a different kind of happiness… if you know what I mean."

"I think I understand," Victor said thoughtfully, and Maya felt touched by the professor's readiness to join her in a conversation about a topic that was rather unusual for him. "I haven't seen much of Lee Russell either, but on the few occasions I've worked with him, I got the impression he is an excellent scientist – and a very likable person too. I thoroughly enjoyed working with him." He appeared to be lost in memories for a moment.

"So have I," Maya said, then sighed. "Oh, Victor… Why can't things be easier? Why can't we just be glad to have a good and capable man like Lee among us? He would be a great addition to our crew, and the Commander knows that. But…" She sighed again, shaking her head unhappily.

Victor leaned back in his chair, staring out of the window onto the desert-like lunar landscape. "John and Helena are both very dear to me too," he said in a low voice. "I only wish all the best for both of them.."

Lee woke up and immediately jumped out of bed. "Gosh, what time is it?... Aarrghh, I must be off to the Maintenance Section! Why didn't you wake me up? I'll be late!"

"Hey!" Helena hurried over to her husband and gripped him by his shoulders, looking up at him. "Relax, honey! You're on sick leave! I told you last night!"

He frowned, trying to remember. "Sick leave? But I'm not sick!"

"But you're not healthy either." Still holding him by his shoulders, she looked at him intently. "Lee, I'm not letting you go to work today, and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow. You've got tachycardia and high blood pressure, and that's not to be trifled with. You need to rest for a couple of days."

He sighed. Then he reluctantly sat down on the bed. Sitting down beside him, Helena took his hand in hers. "Lee, I know you're trying to prove yourself worthy. I understand that, and I support it. I know you're doing this for us. But I won't let you kill yourself doing it." The expression in her eyes told him how serious she was.

Giving her hand a squeeze, he leaned in to kiss her. "It's hard for me to think I'm not fit for work, but I know you're thinking of my safety and wellbeing." He sighed again. "I guess you're right about me needing to take a break. But what am I going to do if I don't have any work?"

"Well… actually I do have a job for you today."

Lee saw a tiny sparkle in her eyes. "Oh?... What kind of job do you have for me, Dr. Russell?" He smiled.

"Keep your wife company. I'm off duty today."

"You're off duty? That means we've got a whole day... just for the two of us?"

"You got it." Gently, Helena urged her husband to lie back down, snuggling up to him. "Now… do you still feel like going to the Maintenance Section?" she whispered against his neck.

His reply was a long, passionate kiss.

Chapter 10

Lee recovered well. He took Helena's advice seriously and rested for three days, sleeping a lot and drinking Sarafena's herb tea. With much relief, Helena noticed her husband's condition had improved significantly, but she still insisted that he take another three days off work to "catch his breath", as she put it. So Lee spent some time reading and going to the gym while Helena had to work, and he tried some cooking recipes with various ingredients from Terra Nova so he could surprise his wife with a tasty meal after her duty was over and she came to join him.

In the evening before Lee had to return to work in the Science Section, the two of them were sitting on their sofa with photos scattered all around them. "So you brought all these photos to Alpha…?" Lee said, amazed.

Helena gave him a light smile. "It's strange somehow, isn't it? I didn't want to remember. I came here to forget. And still… I couldn't part with these photos, I had to take them with me. I don't know why. I never looked at them, it was much too painful. Only once, I showed some of them to Maya."

Lee drew her closer to himself, then picked up another photo. "Oh, look. Our wedding picture. You were such a beautiful bride…"

Holding his hand tightly, Helena quickly averted her look from the picture to wipe her eyes. When she looked at her husband again, she saw he was very emotional too. "Is this real?" she asked in a whisper. Tenderly stroking her cheek, his eyes were absorbed in her sight before returning to the picture again.

Entwined in each other's arms, they sat for a while without words being necessary.

Then, Helena reached for the next photo. "Our honeymoon in Japan," she said softly. "Here, China Town of Nagasaki. Do you remember the dress you bought me there?"

"Of course I remember! How could I forget how enchanting you looked in it…" Lee had bought her a Tchi Pao, a skin-tight Chinese dress of blue-green iridescent silk. He closed his eyes with a dreamy expression. "You looked breath-taking. And it felt so good to touch you in this dress…" He sighed. "I like everything you wear. I even like your uniform. And, of course, I like you wearing nothing, too. Very much. But that dress was something special." He opened his eyes. "Helena? Where are you?"

Helena returned from the walk-in closet wearing the Tchi Pao, smiling a bit shyly.

Lee's eyes were shining. "You… brought this dress here, too?"

Helena nodded, still smiling. "I didn't understand myself, but I had to bring it. Something inside me was telling me I had to. Now I know why."

She slipped back on the sofa beside him. The glow in her blue-green eyes was intensified by the colour of her dress. "Somewhere deep inside I must have known," she said in a low voice, "that the day would come… when I would wear this for you again."

Almost in awe, Lee softly passed his hand over the silk, feeling the body covered by it. "Helena… my beauty."

A while later, they lay in bed talking while watching the stars shining above them in the skylight. The dim light from the commpost lit the room just a little so they could still see each other's faces.

"Lee?"

"Mhmm?" He was softly stroking her hair as her head was resting on his shoulder.

She took a deep breath and took a moment before she went on speaking. "Are you… really sure you are not going to regret this? Staying here… instead of going back to Earth? To Earth, Lee?"

He gently cupped his hands around her face, letting his look rest on her, feeling her warmth, and her heartbeat close to his. "You are my Earth," he said hoarsely. "My Earth and my sun. My warm breeze in the cold. My water and my air… my blue sky and my wind in springtime."

A while passed as Helena lay nestled closely against him. "My love…" she finally whispered. "This is so hard for me to say."

He gently lifted her chin. "Just tell me what's on your mind." His voice was soft and deep – his voice that had been lost to her for so long.

She reached for his hand and held it tightly. "We mustn't forget… Our life here is dangerous. Something might happen to you – or to me. If… Lee, if I'm no longer here, won't you wish you would have returned to Earth when you had a chance?"

He saw the fear and worry in her eyes.

"Helena." He said her name slowly, with devotion. "Even if it's only for a short time that we are together, it is worth it."

Tony's eyes went narrow with annoyance as he gazed at the red planet with its pale yellow sun hovering in the background. Terra Nova… The planet had brought them nothing but trouble and disaster.

"Hey, Tony!" Alan Carter's cheerful voice startled him. His friend was standing behind him, having just left the Commander's office after the conference. "How about a drink or two? It's been a long day, huh!" He grinned, giving him a clap on the shoulder.

Tearing himself away from the big window in the corridor, Tony shook his head. "Some other time, Alan. Right now, I need something else. Some… exercise." With a quick nod at his friend, he dashed off towards the travel tube. Off duty at last! He couldn't wait to get out of his uniform. It had been a long day indeed – endless discussions with some of his crew members who didn't like the new security rules, inspection rounds around the moonbase, updating the security system on the main computer… He finally wanted to let off steam.

Pondering on what kind of training he would like to do, he approached the door to the martial arts hall. The characters 道場 (dojo) were written on top of it. The artfully written characters brought a little smile to Tony's face whenever he took the time to focus his attention on them. He had once asked Yasko about the meaning of them during a long uneventful night of duty in Command Centre when the hours had just dragged on and on without anything useful to do. Yasko had told him the characters meant "way" and "place" – a place to practice the way.

Lost in his thoughts, Tony opened the door, and frowned immediately. Lee Russell. He was in there, wearing the Alphan gym suit consisting of a black set of T-shirt and sweatpants, practising a kata of karate – a strictly choreographed sequence of movements, punches, and kicks.

Tony's first impulse was to just turn away and leave – he certainly didn't want to be in the same room with that guy – but he found himself unable to turn away from the sight. He stood rooted to the spot, staring through the open door. Lee was performing the Bassaidai, one of the most difficult kata of Shotokan Karate. Tony had never before seen it being performed so skilfully, powerful but yet graceful, the amount of energy exactly measured in the perfectly right way.

When Lee let out his kiai – a strong outburst of breath to channel one's energy – it had almost no sound. Tony knew the kiai normally should be a scream from one's guts, and he had no doubt that without the strict rules on Alpha to hold back and be silent during training, that Lee's kiai would have been loud and powerful. After finishing the kata, Lee bowed as was the rule in karate.

Tony swallowed dryly. This had been perfect. Simply perfect.

Lee walked towards the door. Then, before leaving the dojo, he turned around and bowed again. A moment later, he saw Tony waiting outside. "Oh, Mr. Verdeschi." He nodded at the other man. "I'm finished here. The dojo is all yours."

The spell was broken. A sudden gush of anger and grudge took control of Tony's mind. He stepped through the door and stood very close to Lee Russell now. "Tell me one thing!" he blurted out before he had even time to think about what he said. "What does it feel like to hide behind your wife to get a position here?"

He saw Russell's expression change. A spark of anger flashed up in his eyes. "And what does it feel like," he said with forced calmness, "to be the Commander's little lapdog?"

Tony could restrain himself at the very last second. His fist had already clenched to strike out, and he had seen Lee Russell's body and mind prepare for the fight. That was the moment that Tony's rational self had functioned again. "Get the hell out of here!" he snarled through gritted teeth.

"With the greatest pleasure." Lee's tone was exactly the same as his.
The door closed behind him.

Bob shook his head, leaning forward in his seat. His hand went to his forehead, rubbing his temples.

"What's wrong, honey?" Sarafena came out of the kitchen area in their quarters, stepping behind the chair her husband was sitting on. Gently, she began to massage his stiffened shoulders.

Exhaling deeply, Bob slowly relaxed. "I saw John today," he said. "In the travel tube. He had just come back from a meeting at Maintenance." He shook his head again. "He looked terrible, Sarafena. I've never seen him like that."

Sarafena's hands stopped moving. "It must be so hard for him," she said almost in a whisper. "If there was only something we could do to help him."

Bob could hear the deep sadness in his wife's voice. He reached up and took her hand that was still resting on his shoulder. "I'm afraid there's nothing we can do… or anybody," he said earnestly. "That's what makes it so difficult. I keep offering him to talk to me, but he always declines. Of course, Helena notices his suffering too, but as you can imagine, she's the last person John would accept any help from right now." He sighed, letting go of his wife's hand. Then he turned around to face her. "The thing is… What's Helena supposed to do? Send Lee away and stay with John – out of pity? Pretend he's the one she wants to live with, while the love of her life is somebody else? You know he would never be happy that way. And John is well aware of that."

Sarafena nodded thoughtfully. "He will have to accept the facts as they are, sooner or later. As hard as it is. There is no other way." Her voice was still hoarse with sorrow.

A melodious pling! sounded from the kitchen area. While Sarafena took the soy dumplings out of the microwave oven, Bob laid the dinner table. Neither of them was very hungry, but they tried to eat at least a little bit.

"I really enjoyed talking to Dr. Carpenter," Sarafena said after taking a drink of water. "I hope I'll see her one more time before…" She didn't finish the sentence.

Bob understood her, and nodded silently. Then he said, "Yes, Angela is a great doctor and a nice person. Everybody from the Astro Seven crew I've met is really nice, and highly competent."

They looked at each other, feeling the atmosphere tense as the unspoken foreboding hung in the air.

Sarafena speared a slice of pickled cucumber on her fork. "Since the transport of material from the planet is finished, there haven't been any more visits from the crew, right?"

"Yes… well, Gary Sheffield was here last week; I met him briefly in the cafeteria with Lee. Gary said something like, 'Given the circumstances, it's better for us not to stick around too long'. I'm afraid…" He sighed, looking down at his plate. "… they don't feel welcome here any longer."

"I see," Sarafena mumbled. She sighed too. "Lee is such a nice man. I… I hope so much it will all work out."

"Yeah, you can say that again. He's really trying hard! Almost too hard! And he is doing a great job here."

"Yes, I've heard about that too. Even the Commander can't fail to notice that."

"Oh, he does notice it. That's what makes it even harder for him." Bob had eaten his last bite and reached for the water jug. "As far as I can see, and from what Helena told me, John treats Lee correctly and politely. But his eyes…" He shook his head. "His eyes reveal his true feelings." He met his wife's look. "Some of my patients already told me they feel torn between their loyalty towards John and their friendly feelings towards Lee. They do want to welcome him as their new crew mate, but…"

"But they don't want to stab the Commander's back. I know." Sarafena was silent for a moment; she had finished eating too. "Did you notice how… amazing the two of them are together? Helena and Lee, I mean."

Bob nodded. "It's obvious they belong together. They don't even need to touch or hold hands to show it. It's just – a natural harmony between them that's visible to anyone."

"And Helena has never looked so happy before," Sarafena added quietly. "I can't help it. I'm worried about the Commander."

"So am I." Bob stared broodingly at the glass of water in front of him. His brow furrowed as he spoke again. "He's full of aggression. During Kendo training, he's careful not to hurt anybody, but the way he moves and acts makes you think he wants to beat somebody to death."

"Bob!" Sarafena looked at him, startled. "He would never go that far!"

"Of course he wouldn't ," Bob said soothingly, "It's just… It scares me to see John like that. I have the feeling something… is going to happen."

"Yes?" Irritatedly, Tony looked up from the report he was writing when his visitor stood in front of him. It was Lee Russell.

"I am assigned to assist you today, Mr. Verdeschi. Commander's orders."

Suppressing a frustrated groan, Tony got up from his chair. "Well… I'll check today's agenda then." He went to the computer on his office's wall and typed in some figures.

"Mr. Verdeschi." Lee's voice made him turn around. The other man was facing him, looking very earnest. "I apologize for speaking to you in an inappropriate way the other day. I was out of line. I am a guest here on Alpha, and I must not forget that."

Tony stood motionlessly for a moment. Then he cleared his throat. "I…" He took a deep breath. "I apologize too. I am second in command, and I need to keep my self-control. I must not forget that either."

"Apology accepted."

"Likewise."

The two men looked at each other silently.

Finally, Tony turned back to the computer to pull out a printed sheet of paper, then motioned to the chair opposite his desk. When they were both seated, Tony looked at Lee closely. "I've seen you perform the Bassaidai. It was… quite outstanding." Ignoring Lee's attempt of downplaying it, he continued, "I want you to do some training sessions with my crew. Teach them kata. I want them to learn that martial arts are about more than simply hitting and kicking each other."

Lee's eyes began to shine. "It will be a great pleasure."

"All right then." Tony got up, followed by Lee. "Ten hundred hours in the dojo. I'll send my boys there. See you later, Mr. Russell."

"Lee, please."

The atmosphere tensed again as Tony was silent for a second. "I'd prefer not to be on first name terms for the time being."

Lee nodded. "Okay, Mr. Verdeschi. See you later then."

Pensively, Tony stared after him as the door closed. One part of him was still irritated, another part of him felt a grudging admiration. He's a hard nut to crack, he thought. I hope John is not underestimating him.

"Tony Verdeschi is a hard nut to crack." With a sigh, Lee sat down on a chair near Maya's desk in the Science Section.

Maya gave a light chuckle, then suddenly jumped up. "Oh! Speaking of nuts – I've got something for you." She went over to the shelf where she kept her personal things she brought to work. Hurrying back to her desk, she put a small white plastic container in front of Lee. "Here you are! Helena told me to give this to you when I saw her at the command conference this morning. She said you skipped breakfast."

Thanking her with a soft laugh, Lee took the container and pulled off the lid. "Ah, dried fruits and hazelnuts!... It's true. I didn't have time for breakfast since my call for the early shift came at short notice. – Hmmm, apricots!" He closed his eyes as he relished the long-missed taste. "Would you like some too? They're very good!"

"No, thanks, I'm not hungry right now." Leaning back in her chair, Maya pensively looked at the sheet of paper with scientific data she had just analysed. "You know… Tony can be a bit difficult sometimes," she said cautiously. "But he's a good man. I'm sure if… well… once you two get to know each other properly, you will become good friends."

Seeing the sincere hope in the Psychon woman's dark blue eyes, Lee simply smiled at her and nodded. Swallowing another hazelnut, he thought about something reassuring to say when all of a sudden the computer voice droned monotonously, "Explosion in Recreation Area One. Explosion in Recreation Area One. Emergency staff needed immediately. Explosion in Recreation Area One."

At the same time, a red signal lamp flashed across the screen of the commpost. Frantically, Maya typed a code into the keyboard under the screen, zooming in on the room where the explosion had happened. Lee stepped beside her, looking over her shoulder with a worried frown.

"No casualties," Maya stated as she read the quick report.

"Thank God!" Lee exhaled heavily. "Luckily nobody was in the room!... Oh, wait, can you focus on the object that exploded? It looks like… yeah, indeed. That's the big amplifier." He shook his head with a puzzled expression. "I wonder what caused it to blow up like that!"

"Amplifier? For music?"

"Yes. It was used in the Spiritual Centre a couple of days ago. I helped Karl Schuster and some of his friends prepare a meditation assembly with music. It worked perfectly that day." Shaking his head again, he stared at the blackened walls. "It's really strange…" he murmured. Then he turned around, and saw the Psychon woman shivering slightly. "Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.

"Yes, it's just… it gave me a fright," she said with a trace of embarrassment in her voice.

Lee gently squeezed her shoulder. "Don't worry. Nobody was hurt. We'll… just have to find out what caused it."

The door slid open, and Victor came rushing in. "I just heard it!" he said, slightly out of breath. Being off duty, he was wearing a faded grey cardigan and baggy blue jeans. "Any news yet?"

"Wait…" Maya pulled a sheet of paper out of the computer, glanced over it, then handed it to the two men while shaking her head. "Short circuit. That's all it says."

"No casualties? Absolutely certain?" John asked with worried urgency in his voice, looking at the commpost monitor in his office.

"Absolutely certain, Commander. We were really lucky it didn't turn out worse!" Dr. Ben Vincent said, glancing at the report sheet in his hand. "Nobody was in the room at the time, and the damage apparently wasn't too big."

"Yeah, I've seen it in the maintenance report. But I'm going to talk to the technicians right away. We must find out what caused it!"

After closing the connection, John did an inspection of the room in Recreation Area One along with two members of the technical staff. It was used for storage of musical equipment – several instruments, amplifiers, and a karaoke machine. "Apart from a broken drumstick, nothing's damaged!" Jim Haines said with relief written all over his face. "We were really lucky this was just a minor explosion."

"How long do you think it's gonna take to find the cause of the short circuit?" John asked.

Jim exchanged a look with his boss, a severe looking man in his fifties named Henry Walker. Then he said cautiously, "It will take some time, that's for sure. We've got to disassemble the thing, do some analyses…"

"Three hours at least, Commander!" the other man said emphatically.

"All right. This room will be sealed until further notice." Hurriedly, John left the area and boarded the travel tube. Brooding, he stared at the white plastic wall as the vehicle zoomed through the dark. An explosion, even though a minor one, was something that just mustn't happen on Alpha. So much attention and energy was focused on safety precautions, but still – the accident had happened.

Finally, in the late afternoon, Henry Walker called to inform him about the result of the technicians' research. "I'm sorry to say this, Commander, but we could not detect any abnormalities in the amplifier," his deep voice sounded from the commlock. "The cause of the explosion is still unknown. We checked and double checked. There's no explanation. We…" He paused, obviously feeling uncomfortable. "We'll check again tomorrow."

John frowned, staying silent for a moment. Then he said, "All right, Mr. Walker. Thanks."

Attaching the commlock back on his belt, he got up from his chair and faced the big computer on the wall in his office. Then, calming his breath, he asked, "Computer, who was the last person to touch Amplifier Number 307 in Recreation Area One?"

After three seconds, the computer's tinny female voice sounded, "Lee Russell."

Chapter 11

The round table in the Commander's office was fully seated. All command staff members on duty who were available had been called for a conference: Helena, Victor, Paul, Kano, Maya, and Alan. John, against his usual attitude, was sitting behind his desk. He noticed his staff members exchanging looks of puzzlement and insecurity as they were not used to their Commander keeping a distance from them like that.

Before he said anything, he took a moment to calm his throbbing heart. During the past hour, he had acted in a fevery rush, preparing the action he was going to take now.

This can't be a coincidence. This is my chance. Probably my last chance. If I don't act NOW, it will be too late forever. My last chance. I can't let it slip. I can't.

"We're complete, John!" Paul's voice reached his ears.

John took a deep breath. "No. One person is missing."

The puzzled looks on everybody's faces intensified. Alan was going to say something when a beep from the door interrupted him. John pushed the button to open the door, and the latecomer entered. It was Lee Russell.

"Sorry about the delay, Commander!" Lee said, slightly out of breath. "I was on my way to the Pilot's Section. – You asked me to join the conference?"

"Yes, that's right," John said curtly. Paul was about to get another chair, but John stopped him with an abrupt gesture. "Stay where you are, Paul! – There's no need for you to sit down." These words were directed at Lee.

Helena frowned. "What is this, John?" Her voice was calm, but alarmed.

John ignored her. "Mr. Russell, you were the last person to touch Amplifier Number 307 in Recreation Area One before it exploded. Are you aware of this fact?"

Slightly taken aback, Lee shook his head. "No, Commander, I wasn't aware of that."

"Do you have any idea about what caused the short circuit leading to the explosion?"

"No, Commander, I have no idea. It worked perfectly when I helped the spiritual team prepare the meditation session. May I ask if the technical crew discovered anything?"

"They didn't." John's eyes were fixed upon him. "And that brings me to you."

Stunned silence filled the room immediately.

Noticing the tensed up atmosphere, John felt a fresh wave of adrenalin rush through his body. He sensed something was beginning to take control of him, and although it scared him, it made him feel better than he had felt for what seemed like a very long time. "Mr. Russell, you have been tolerated here as a guest even though you have lived in an antimatter environment for several years. You claim to have adjusted to a regular matter environment, but the fact is that we can never be entirely sure due to the lack of empirical values. It must be assumed that your touch, probably even your mere presence in the room, caused the short circuit of the amplifier."

A mixture of voices arose as everybody started talking at the same time – almost everybody. Helena and Lee Russell just stared at him in shock and disbelief.

"Mr. Russell!" John raised his voice now, drowning out the others. "Your presence on Moonbase Alpha is a danger to my crew. You will return to your planet immediately. And you will not come back."

"No!" Helena stood up. She was pale, but fixed her eyes sternly on John. "You know this is wrong, John."

"Don't you tell me what is wrong and what is right." John was struggling to keep his temper.

"John…" Victor and Paul began to speak at the same time, both arguing against John's decision, while Maya and Alan exchanged looks of utter dismay with Lee and Helena. Everybody was on their feet now. The only person in the room who appeared totally calm, and who was still seated, was Kano. The introverted computer expert eyed the Commander with a serious, pensive expression.

"QUIET!" John's voice thundered through the room. He punched the button on his desk to open the microphone connecting him to the whole base. "Attention all sections Alpha. This is Commander John Koenig. Lee Russell is no longer admitted to Moonbase Alpha. His unstable antimatter condition exposes the base to mortal danger. Lee Russell will return to the planet Terra Nova immediately and is not permitted to enter Moonbase Alpha ever again. Any contact to Terra Nova is strictly prohibited from now on. This decision is final."

In the Security Section, Tony advised his staff to take their positions. "Ronalds, Smith, Johnson, McBryde, stand by at Command Centre. Lawrence and Garcia, you come with me. We take Russell to his ship."

The six men stood motionlessly, staring at him in consternation. Pete Ronalds, the young security officer who had been sent to take away Lee's commlock a couple of weeks ago, timidly stepped forward. "Mr. Verdeschi…"

"Pete, I don't like this either!" Tony snapped. "But it can't be helped! Our loyalty is with the Commander, and we'll do as he says! Now, move!"

The security officers, all of them tall, broad-shouldered men, except Pete who was the lean, wiry type, reluctantly filed out of Tony Verdeschi's office. With a sigh, Tony followed them, taking Lawrence and Garcia with him. He had never thought a job would be this difficult for him to carry out. But John was the Commander and his friend, and he would go through hell for him.

"John." Helena's voice was soft and firm. She was standing beside her husband, surrounded by the rest of the command staff except Kano, who was still sitting on his chair, watching John as if he was analysing a mysterious cosmic phenomenon. "John," Helena said again. "You're being irrational."

"No, Helena. You will not undermine my authority. Not this time." John's voice was cold, as well as his eyes. He made her shiver. "Security has been informed," he went on. "They're standing by, just waiting for my call." He focused on Lee again, piercing him with his eyes. "Mr. Russell, I warn you. Any tricks, and you will be stunned and carried to your ship. Understood?"

Before Lee could say anything, Helena stepped in front of him, facing John. "I will prove that Lee is not fit to go back to Terra Nova."

"Helena…" Laying a hand on her arm, Lee was about to say something reassuring, but Helena turned to him, shaking her head. "You've been in a matter environment too long. It would kill you to go back there now." She took her commlock from her belt, trying to get control of her shaking hands. "Let's go to Medical. I'll get the files ready and ask Ben to take the blood sample. John, you cannot overrule my orders!"

Lee noticed Alan and Victor exchange a look that told him clearly: Like hell he can't.

"Don't even think of it!" John burst out, getting up from his chair. "I already checked his medical reports by viewing your computer. It's all written there! He's still fifty percent antimatter, so there's no danger for him living in an antimatter environment. I don't need to be a doctor to know that! "

"It's true," Lee murmured.

"But with fifty percent," John went on, his eyes radiating a wild fury, "there's still the danger of him making things explode here on Alpha! He's a risk to our safety. It's as simple as that. I can't take that risk!"

A shrill beep from John's commlock startled everybody. Frowning, John checked the small monitor. "Yes, Jim?!"

"Cohh… Commander!" The young technician's gasping voice sounded from the commlock. "I've got an impohhh… important message! Can I come in?"

John let the door slide open, and Jim Haines stumbled inside, totally out of breath and sweating. He held up a sheet of paper. "The short circuit! It was… caused by…" He panted, doubling over, trying to catch his breath. "It was caused by water from the air condition!"

Snatching the report from him while Victor and Helena stepped up closer, John stared angrily at Jim. "How did you find out about this just now?!"

Wiping a strand of dark hair out of his sweaty, reddened face, Jim looked at him uncomfortably. "I'm sorry, Commander, we… the water infiltration was so tiny we couldn't detect it at first. Mr. Russell… doesn't have anything to do with it." He pointed to the printout John was still holding. "Please check for yourself, Commander."

John glanced at the report, then, with a stony face, typed a code into his commlock. "Walker? Can you confirm what Haines just told me? About the cause for the short circuit?!"

"Yes, Commander," the voice of the head technician sounded creakily from the commlock. "The cause was water infiltration."

Jim stumbled a step backwards as the rage in John's expression intensified. The Commmander's eyes darted back and forth between his commlock and the young technician. Caught in a delusional haze, he didn't notice that Victor took the report from him and quickly read it, with Lee and Helena looking over his shoulder.

"No doubt, John," Victor said after a moment, looking seriously at his long time friend and Commander. "The accident was not caused by Lee Russell." He gave a reassuring little smile at Lee, and lightly touched Helena's arm.

John abruptly turned to Victor. "We can never know for sure!" he said curtly. Then, speaking loudly to the whole group in his office, he announced, "My decision is final!"

Protest arose as everybody started talking again, trying to bring the Commander to terms. Terror-stricken, Helena stared at John shaking her head. Lee reached for her hand.

"QUIET!" John shouted again. "I'll call security now." He pushed a button on his commlock again, and the door slid open to let in the four security officers Tony had sent to stand by. "Don't you dare – any of you – to act against me!" The feverish rage in his eyes appeared again. The next instant, he held his stun gun in his hand. "Don't you think I won't use this. Don't you think." His voice was almost a whisper now, which was even more disturbing than his shouting.

Kano slowly reached for his own stun gun, but Lee held him back. "David, don't!" he said softly but urgently. The four security men backed John up, their hands on their own stun guns.

"Everybody get out of here, now!" John ordered loudly. Then, pushing another button, he let in two more security officers. Pointing with his head at Lee, he hissed, "Take him away."

"Hey!" Upset, Alan stepped forward. "John, at least give them a moment of privacy!"

John hesitated, glancing at Helena and Lee who appeared paralysed. "Fifteen minutes," he growled. "And now, everybody get out!"

Helena didn't remember how she and Lee had got to her quarters, with two security officers standing guard outside the door. She stood rooted to the spot, with Lee closely by her side; she was in a blur, her mouth was dry, and she felt her stomach churn. "I can't let this happen… I can't let them take you away…"

"Helena." Lee gripped her icy cold hands. "We both knew this was going to happen. But don't worry. I will be back!"

She didn't seem to hear him; her face was pale and contorted with fear. "The planet! It's beginning to drift away… You'll never make it back!"

"I will make it back. Helena, listen to me."

"The Viper. We must destroy it. It's the only way…" Her eyes were widened, and she was trembling.

"Helena, please." He cupped her face in his hands, looking at her intently. "Look at me. Helena. You must calm down."

"I'm trying… I'm trying not to panic…" She was struggling hard to keep her composure; he saw it. He was struggling just as hard himself. "Helena," he said again, still holding her face in his hands, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. "We must act wisely now. We must keep a cool head. I know that's difficult now!" His voice was calm, but his eyes revealed to Helena he was just as upset as she was. "Fighting wouldn't do any good," Lee continued. "I'm sure John is a decent man, but he's beside himself now. His emotions have taken over. If I try to fight him, I'll have to use violence. And if I provoke him like that, he will lose control. You know that, Helena, you know him better than I do. He would do something he would regret later. And I can't guarantee either, Helena. I would have to defend myself. It would be a fight about life or death. He might kill me, or I might kill him. I don't want either of it to happen. So…" He took a deep breath, having trouble to speak. "So the only way right now is… going along with it. He will come back to his senses once I'm out of sight."

"Lee…" Helena gripped his hands that were still resting around her face. "He won't come back to his senses. He will never allow you to come back to Alpha. And the planet is drifting away…" Her voice broke.

"But it's still within range!" he said with a strength that was mixed with despair. "It will stay in range for another couple of weeks!"

"We can't be sure of that, Lee! There could be a sudden change… or the Moon could start moving again… Oh my God, Lee! Once we move apart… It will be so dangerous to try to come back! Your small ship won't be able to bridge the distance… and John will fight you!" She shook her head, her face a mask of horror and pain. "I can't lose you again… I can't…"

He clasped her in a tight embrace, holding her to bis chest, pressing his lips to her head. "You won't lose me again. Remember what I said. We didn't go through all this just to be separated again." Cupping her face in his hands again, he said hoarsely, "We won't be separated. I will be back. Believe me. Have trust."

Wrapping her arms tightly around him, pressing her face to his shoulder, Helena desperately tried to stay calm. They held each other until a beep from Helena's commlock startled them both. Helena checked it with trembling fingers, nestling against Lee who was still holding her in his arms. "A text message from Maya – look!"

Lee quickly read the message: Stay where you are and trust me.

The two of them exchanged a puzzled look, then Helena turned on the commpost. The tinny Computer voice announced: Lee Russell has left Dr. Russell's quarters. He is escorted to the spacecraft Viper to return to planet Terra Nova. The monitor flickered, and an instant later, Lee gasped as he saw himself walking along a corridor with the two security officers who had been waiting outside the door, led by Tony Verdeschi. "What's this?!" he whispered, shocked.

"That's Maya!" Helena gripped his hand. "Her ability to transform, remember?… She's taking your place! Oh my God…"

"I can't let her do this!" At lightning speed, Lee opened the door and dashed out of the quarters, followed by Helena. They ran towards the travel unit, reaching the group just before they were going to board. "Mr. Verdeschi!" Lee shouted. "Mr. Verdeschi! It's Maya!"

Stunned, Tony and his staff members stared at him, then at Maya who changed back into herself. "Tony, please go along with it!" she said imploringly, laying her hand on her friend's arm. "This was entirely my idea, Helena and Lee didn't know about it! Please, Tony, I'll be all right! I can fly the Viper, Lee's friends from the planet have taught me! I'll take Lee's form, and then, as soon as I've lifted off, I'll change back and show myself to the Commander. Then I'll come back."

"Maya…" Tony laid his hands on her arms.

"I know!" Maya said hurriedly, glancing around to see if anybody was watching them. Garcia and Lawrence, the two security officers, were standing by, looking dumbfounded. "I know it's a bit tricky, but I'll be all right, I'll make sure to stay in the Viper, and in the Moon's orbit, until the planet is too far away for Lee to be sent back there!"

"Out of the question!" Lee's voice was strong and determined. "I will not let you do this, Maya. It's much too dangerous. And I won't let you come into conflict with your Commander – even if your motive is a very good and noble one." He tried to breathe deeply. "Thank you, Maya." He reached out to take her hand. "I mean it. Thank you." Then he took his commlock from the belt of his white Astro Seven uniform, and handed it to Tony. "I'm ready, Mr. Verdeschi."

Tony looked at him, still stunned, then he saw Helena who was deathly pale, but composed, motionless like a statue. Maya was standing closely beside her now.

Tony swallowed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Ru… Lee." He avoided Helena's look. Activating his commlock, he called his four other officers for support. "From here…" He drew a deep breath. "From here, nobody's allowed to come with us. Garcia and Lawrence will stay here with you, Helena. The other four men will accompany us to the Viper. Commander's orders." He stared at his commlock.

"I see," Lee said quietly.

The four men Tony had called got out of the travel tube. "Mr. Verdeschi, we're ready to go!" One of them said. It was Smith, the tallest of them.

Helena tried to breathe deeply. Self-control.

Tony nodded at his men. "All right." Then, turning to Lee, he said, "We're boarding the travel tube now. Please… say goodbye." He was about to turn away from Lee and Helena when he paused for a second, puzzled, as his look fell on the four men of his staff he had just called. "What's wrong with you guys? Get on the travel tube, quick!"

"Mr. Verdeschi," Pete Ronalds said. "We would like to thank Mr. Russell for teaching us kata." And then, with a voice stronger and clearer than anybody had heard from him before, he called out, "Ki wo tsuké!" It was the Japanese command "Attention!" used when training martial arts. Immediately, all six men stood in a row facing Lee. "Rei!" Pete called out next, and they all bowed to Lee. Taking the same formal posture, Lee bowed deeply in return. "It has been a privilege to work with you all."

Tony swallowed dryly, then fixed his eyes upon the waiting travel tube.

"Helena." Lee hurried up to his wife who silently reached out her hands for him. He laid his hands on her shoulders as her arms went around his waist. Her eyes were dark with pain and fear.

"My love. Promise me," he said softly, looking into her eyes. "Promise me you'll stay positive."

A shrill alarm sounded from the nearby commpost. "Time's up," Tony mumbled. Then he cleared his throat. "We've got to go."

"Promise me, Helena. Promise me now."

"I promise," Helena whispered. Their lips met in a hasty, desperate kiss, then Lee let her go to join Tony and his four men in the travel tube.

Before they could exchange a last look, the doors closed. Helena swayed and almost lost her balance. Maya caught her before she could fall.

"Dr. Russell!" The two remaining security guards hurried up to the two women. "Are you all right? Shall we call for help from Medical Centre?"

"No, it's not necessary. I can walk." She was as white as a sheet, but managed to leave the travel unit without staggering even a little bit. Self-control. I can make it. Just a few more steps, and I'll be in my quarters. – She knew the guards were still behind her. No doubt John had ordered them to watch her so she would make no attempts to follow Lee, or plan any tricks.

Maya was walking beside her friend. When Helena swayed again, she put her arm around her, then turned to the guards. "It's okay. I'll take care of Dr. Russell," she said. The guards exchanged a look, then nodded reluctantly. After all, the Psychon woman was a close friend of their boss, Tony Verdeschi. They left.

"Thank you, Maya," Helena whispered. It was a comfort to feel her friend's supporting arm around her shoulder. Slowly, they walked on.

"I'm off duty now. I'll be there for you as long as you need me," Maya said when they had reached Helena's quarters. Slowly, she let go of her friend, but still kept her hand resting on her arm, looking at her with worry.

"That's sweet of you, Maya, but I need to be alone," Helena said in a low voice.

"But… you shouldn't be alone now!"

"It's better that way. Believe me." Helena gave her friend a quick hug. "It's comforting just to know you are there." Turning to the entrance door, she took her commlock from her belt. "I'll just take a short break," she said quietly. "Then… I'll go back to work."

"Back to work?! Do you think you can…"

"I must. There's so much to do." Helena opened the door of her quarters.

Maya's eyes were glistening. "But if you need help, call me!"

"I will," Helena said, trying hard to smile. "And… thank you for what you were ready to do… for Lee and me. I'll never forget that."

On the monitor in his office, John watched the Viper on its way to Terra Nova. Good bye and good riddance, Lee Russell. He exhaled heavily. Then he got up and opened the door that connected him with Command Centre.

Six people were standing in the room, gazing at the big screen, watching the small spaceship disappear in the shade of the distant red planet. Six pairs of eyes were facing him a moment later, staring at him. Victor, Paul, Kano, and Alan were still present, now joined by Sandra and Alibe. Nobody said a word.

"What's going on here?" John forced himself to find back his usual strength. "Don't you all have work to do?!"

With an angry glare, Alan rushed out of the room. A few seconds later, everybody else slowly returned to their work stations. Still, no sound was heard except the soft beeping from the main computer printing reports.

Returning to his office, John sat down behind the big desk. He tried to feel a triumph. But he simply felt drained.

During the following weeks, Helena concentrated on her work more than ever before. She hardly rested, stayed in Medical Centre until she was on the verge of collapsing. In the rare off-duty-time she allowed herself, she fell exhausted into bed and slept for some hours, then went back to work again. She didn't have any appetite, so she just picked up a cereal bar or something similar here and there. Her cheeks became hollow, and her eyes lost their sparkle.

The Alphans noticed her change, and many worried about her. "Helena, you need some rest. Bob and I can do without you tonight," Ben Vincent said, looking concerned when he saw her still sitting at her desk checking data on the computer after a long, hard working day.

"It's all right, I'll stay here." Helena's eyes were fixed on the monitor.

"But you're exhausted. I know you are. Helena, you're going to kill yourself!"

Helena turned to him and slowly shook her head. The expression on her face was inconsolable. "No, Ben. Rest is what's killing me."

"Tanya?... Are you listening?"

"Mhmmm." Pensively, the young German computer expert stared at the dark blue ceiling of the relaxation area near the gym. Resting on a lounge chair after doing aerobics training for one hour, she had folded her towel under her head as a pillow. It was very quiet in the room at this late hour of night. "Yeah, I'm listening, Yasko. I've noticed the same thing. I wish there was something we could do!"

Yasko sat up on her own lounge chair. Her long hair was still a bit moist from the shower, framing her face like a smooth black curtain. "It's very difficult with the Commander and Dr. Russell not talking like that. They're acting like… two strangers." She sighed, shaking her head with a worried expression. "I keep telling myself it's none of my business, but…"

"I know what you mean." Tanya frowned, still staring at the ceiling. "It may be none of our business, but it does concern all of us if the working atmosphere is like hell."

Yasko gave a soft snort. "At least in hell it's warm! Our working atmosphere is like… icy cold winter!"

The door slid open, and Alan Carter entered in a casual off-duty outfit consisting of faded blue jeans and a white t-shirt, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. When he spotted the two women, he grinned broadly. "Ah, look who we've got here! Marlene Dietrich and Madame Butterfly!"

Yasko chuckled while Tanya groaned softly, mumbling something in German.

Approaching them, Alan pulled up another lounge chair, and sat down. He looked at Tanya, his smile slowly turning into a serious, slightly concerned expression. "Hey, you're not getting mad at me!" he said softly. "It's not fun teasing you if you don't shout at me as usual."

Tanya sighed. "Alan, I'm just not in the mood for silly jokes."

Sheepishly, Alan looked at Yasko, who smiled and gave him a light pat on the shoulder. Then she asked him, "Any news about Terra Nova today?"

He shook his head. The concern in his expression deepened. "No. Maya told me she tried to calculate how much longer the planet will stay in our orbit, but it's difficult to get any precise data since all contact is forbidden." He sighed, cursing under his breath. "Maya is really worried about Helena. I understand that – heck, I'm worried too! And I'm worried about John as well – they're both suffering like there's no tomorrow! But what can we do, for crying out loud?!"

All three of them were silent for a moment; an air of sadness clouded the atmosphere.

"I haven't seen Dr. Russell at all lately," Tanya said. "She never seems to get out of Medical."

"That's right. She only attends the conferences if it's absolutely necessary – and even when she does, she hardly says a word!" Yasko pulled her dark blue fleece jacket tightly around herself; she was obviously beginning to freeze.

"I know!" Alan growled.

"Alan – isn't there any way to change the Commander's mind?" Tanya asked, slightly desperate. "The planet is still in range! But maybe not for long!"

"John – change his mind?" Alan doubtfully shook his head, looking slightly angry. "You know him, Tanya. God knows I love the man! But he's as stubborn as a mule!" He banged his fist on the backrest of his chair.

Tanya and Yasko exchanged a desolate look. Then, finally, Tanya repeated what she had said a few minutes ago. "If only there was something we could do."

The night went on, and the moon with its surrounding stars slowly moved in their paths as they had done for billions of years, unperturbed by the tiny lives of the human beings existing among them.

Totally exhausted, Helena turned on the lights in her quarters as she entered. A long day of work in Medical Centre lay behind her, and she finally had to realize she needed to take a break.

Slowly approaching the kitchen corner, she closed her eyes for a moment, and an image appeared in front of her, so vivid she almost stretched out her hand to touch it…

Lee was busying himself at the stove, turning around with a smile, saying, "Why don't you get out of your uniform, and I get our dinner started!" A heap of tasty looking ingredients lay on the worktop. Returning his smile, Helena hugged him from behind, leaning her cheek on his back. "Just like in old times!" she said happily, and she heard his soft laugh.

Helena stood still, keeping her eyes closed, not wanting the image to fade away. She could almost feel the warmth of his body, hear his gentle voice saying my love… She stood there until her tired feet began to hurt. Reluctantly she opened her eyes again, and saw the emptiness around her.

It was an illusion, she told herself. It was simply too good to be true.

Feeling the pain threatening to overwhelm her, she hurried to the medicine cabinet in the sanitary area and took out a small bottle. One… no, two pills, just to be sure it worked. She gulped them down with a cup of water. A minute later, she doubled up as her stomach ached violently. Forcing herself to breathe deeply and steadily, she slowly made her way to her bed. Finally, darkness engulfed her.

"Commander, the planet Terra Nova is beginning to drift away, slowly but steadily," Sandra said as John entered Command Centre. "According to our calculations, it won't take longer than a week before they are absolutely out of range. Shouldn't we answer them and tell them we got their message…?"

"I said no contact with Terra Nova."

"Not even to wish them good luck on their way back to Earth?"

"No. Since the transportation of goods is finished, there is no more need for contact with that planet."

"But, Commander…"

"Sandra! I forbid it. That's final." He left her, heading for his office.

Sandra stared after him. Although John Koenig was known to be harsh sometimes, he still showed a lot of empathy and understanding on many occasions. The Commander had changed, and it was getting worse every day.

Casting a glance at the door, John saw Helena standing there. She had come in just in time to overhear his talk with Sandra. Helena looked pale, and her eyes which quickly met John's were expressionless. "You asked me to attend the command conference today, John," she said with a slightly pressed voice.

"Yes, that's right. Why don't you go ahead into my office. We'll be there in a moment."

Helena turned to the steps that were leading to the Commander's Office and suddenly writhed with pain. Gasping, she broke down.

"Helena…!" "Dr. Russell!" She was soon surrounded by a group of worried Alphans, while somebody called for help from Medical Centre. Maya knelt beside Helena who was crouching on the ground, still writhing. "What's wrong, Helena?"

"My stomach…" she whispered, then pressed her hand to her mouth and started to cough. Blood was running through her fingers. Everybody gasped in shock.

Two orderlies from Medical Centre arrived with a stretcher and took Helena away.

John's first impulse was to follow her, but he had to fulfil the duties of his position first – no matter how terrible he felt.

Chapter 12

"Gastric haemorrhage, caused by an ulcer," Ben Vincent stated after the examination was finished.

"Damn!" Bob ripped the report out of the printer, staring angrily at the test results, then cast a glance at his boss-turned-patient lying in sedation on an examination couch. Her bloodstained uniform had been changed for a blue hospital gown. "Laser endoscopy – now!" Bob ordered, hurrying to get the necessary devices ready. "Let's hope we can fix the thing before the bleeding gets any worse!" The two doctors worked quickly and carefully.

One hour later, Helena opened her eyes. The effect of the anaesthetics which had put her to sleep was decreasing. She was now lying in a bed in Care Unit One. "It's… a gastric ulcer, right?" she asked faintly, looking at her two colleagues who were standing nearby, studying the latest report.

Within a second, Bob was beside her bed. Helena had never seen him so angry. "Now listen to me. You may be my boss, but I've got to have a serious word with you!" His eyes flashed. "You must have been in terrible pain for… I don't know how long! How long have you been suffering and enduring without telling anyone?!"

Helena hesitated to answer. "About… three weeks."

"Three weeks! I can't believe it! How have you been able to work?! Why, for heaven's sake, didn't you say a word to us?! A gastric ulcer is not to be trifled with! And you know that! You must have realized the symptoms! But, oh no, mighty Doctor Russell never gets sick! Mighty Doctor Russell is always strong, tough, invincible, handling anything without batting an eyelid! Great! You see where this attitude brought you!"

"Bob, that's enough. She's not well!" Ben cautioned. But Bob ignored him. "So you call yourself Chief Medical Officer?! Hah! What kind of doctor are you?!"

"Bob, you're out of line now!" Ben interjected.

"No, Ben. He's right," Helena said quietly. She tried to sit up and winced when she felt pain flashing through her body again. Ben helped her find a comfortable position.

"You're right, Bob," Helena repeated. "I did realize the symptoms. But I didn't want it to be true." She sighed. "I know I shouldn't have waited so long. I should have asked for a check-up as soon as I knew something was wrong. But…" She paused, putting her hand on her stomach, tensing up. "I've gotten myself into a vicious circle. My stomach ached from… all that stress. I took painkillers. I couldn't sleep, so I took tranquilizers too. They helped me calm down, but they upset my stomach even more. I didn't eat much, so all those drugs… well, they ruined my gastric mucosa, obviously." She was speaking matter-of-factly, in a clear and collected voice – she was in doctor mode now, seeing herself as a patient. Raising her head, she met her two colleagues' looks. "Bob, Ben, I really have to aplogize to you both. And to the whole team. I'm causing you a lot of extra work. That shouldn't have happened." She touched her stomach again. "My only excuse is…" Her voice lost a bit of its collected, doctor-like tone. "I closed my eyes to reality. I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to work anymore if I admitted to myself I was getting ill. I was afraid of exactly the situation I'm in now: Confined to the bed, without anything to do, without anything to keep me from… thinking." Her eyes were dark now.

Bob's anger blew over. He sat down beside her bed. "Helena… I'm sorry I yelled at you like that. It's just… you gave me such a fright! You gave us all a fright."

"It's okay, Bob." Helena smiled weakly and patted his hand. "I'm sorry I gave you all a fright. I shouldn't have let it come to this."

"Well, it's most important for you to rest now. Try to relax and leave everything to Bob and me," Ben said. "We've fixed the ulcer with a laser, so now we'll see how you improve. I know it's going to be hard for you not to have everything under control, but if you want to get well soon, you really must take it easy now. What am I saying – I don't have to tell you about this!" He grinned awkwardly.

Helena smiled again, holding out her hand to Ben. He took it and sat down beside her too. "I'm so glad I have two such competent, excellent colleagues – that goes for Ed and Raoul too, of course. It makes me feel relieved. I know I can leave everything to you without having to worry a bit."

"Uh… well… we'll do our best," Bob murmured, still feeling a bit guilty because he had lost his temper. Then he and Ben left her.

Trying hard to suppress his inner turmoil, John entered Medical Centre a while later. "How is she doing?" he asked anxiously when Bob Mathias came up to him.

The doctor's expression was earnest and reserved. "Helena allowed me to inform you about her condition. She's got a severe gastric ulcer, which means that she'll need some time to heal – and she definitely must not get upset." He pierced John with his eyes.

John swallowed dryly. "I understand. I… I'd like to see her if it's possible.

Bob hesitated for a second. "Okay, but only for a few minutes. Let me check with her if she's ready to see you." He quickly disappeared in Helena's single room, then came back out giving John a nod.

Taking a deep breath, bracing himself, John entered the sickroom. Helena was resting in a half-sitting position propped against the bed-head. It struck him to see her looking so frail, with the IV needle in the back of her hand. Cautiously, he approached her. "Helena. How are you feeling?" He sat down on the chair beside her bed.

She looked at him. Blue-green marbles. "I'm all right." Her voice was quiet, but firm.

He wanted to reach for her hand, but her look stopped him. He cleared his throat. "Everybody is worrying about you," he said hoarsely. "Victor, Maya, Sandra, Alan, Tony… Paul… Tanya… just everybody. They all wish you a speedy recovery."

"Give them my love," she said softly.

"I will."

Silence.

"Helena… I…" He felt helpless. "I hope you'll feel better soon."

Her hands clasped the blanket. She closed her eyes for a moment.

"Are you in pain?" Concerned, John got up from the chair.

Her face contorted, and she gave a stifled moan, doubling up.

"Helena…!"

A stream of blood squirted on the blanket.

"Bob!" John dashed out of the room. "Bob! She's bleeding again!"

Bob and one of the nurses rushed past him into Helena's room. Realizing there was nothing he could do, John left Medical Centre, downhearted.

"Jenny, one hundred twenty-five miligramme of Anaspene, quick!" Bob ordered, bending over Helena, examining her with his scanner.

"You…" Helena said faintly. "You have… to operate."

Sighing, he nodded. "Unfortunately the laser wasn't enough. We have to put in a clip to fix it."

"It's okay… I know you'll do it… very well." She closed her eyes as Bob administered the anesthetic.

"Dr. Mathias?"

Bob, who was typing Helena's surgery report, looked up from his computer. He was exhausted after this very long, stressful day, hoping to be able to go off duty soon.

Maya stood in front of his desk. Her blue eyes mirrored the concern Bob felt himself.

"Sorry. I know it's late," the Psychon said in a hushed voice. "And I know Helena has just come out of surgery. But… could I see her just for a moment?"

The doctor hesitated. Under normal circumstances, he would never allow a visitor to a patient in a situation like this, but considering Helena's mental state, and being aware of how special the friendship with Maya was to her, he decided to make an exception.

Thanking him, Maya quietly entered Helena's single room. Her friend was asleep, looking pale and broken-down. Swallowing hard, Maya went up to her and sat down on the chair next to her bed.

Helena stirred. Her eyelids started fluttering, and she whispered something. Bending closer, Maya could hear her say faintly, "Lee… no… don't go…" She became restless.

Very gently, Maya wrapped her arms around her. "Sh-sh-sh, Helena, it's all right." She held her, softly speaking words of comfort.

Relaxing a bit, Helena whispered a name Maya didn't understand. All she understood was that her friend was in a different sphere now, with her subconscious trying to deal with the painful loss she was experiencing.

When Maya felt Helena was sleeping peacefully again, she gently let go of her, stroked her hair, and whispered, "I'll be back tomorrow. Sleep well!"

Then she quietly left the room, and wished Dr. Mathias a good night before she got on the travel tube to return to her quarters.

She had never before felt so helpless.

"Thank you, Sarafena. That's so nice of you."

"Well…" Sarafena put the pile of books she had brought Helena on the bedside table. It was the morning after the surgery. "I thought some literature would make it easier for you to pass the time."

"Pass the time…" Helena looked at the ceiling. "You know, Sarafena… Lee was wrong. He said there would be a way for us to be together again. But how? They already started to drift away. Even if Lee tried to get back here now, he wouldn't survive it."

Sarafena squeezed her hand and tried to find some comforting words, but without success. This was the first time since Lee's banishment that Helena had mentioned him.

"I promised him I would stay positive," Helena said with a sad smile. "He wanted me to promise. That's so much like him. He was always so confident, so optimistic… always encouraging me and giving me strength." Her look lost itself somewhere in the distance. Sarafena's heart ached. Seeing Helena cry would have been easier than seeing this sad smile.

Later, Victor dropped in. He was shocked when he saw Helena, who was but a shadow of her former self. He tried not to show his worry. "How are you feeling, my dear?" He sat down and reached for her hand – only then he saw that she was holding her commlock.

Helena tried hard to smile, but it looked like a grimace. "Victor! It's so nice to see you." Her eyes wandered to the commlock again. "I'm… not supposed to have this here," she said in a pressed voice. "We usually take the commlocks away from in-patients who need strict rest. But I found it among my things…" She pointed to the small cabinet beside her bed. "So when I woke up from my nap, I automatically… tried to…" Her voice faltered. She showed Victor the commlock's display. It said, "Code does not exist".

Downhearted, Victor stared at the commlock in Helena's hand.

"How stupid of me." Her voice was hardly audible. "I knew it was pointless. I saw him hand his commlock over to Tony. I saw the guards take him away. But I…" She shook her head. "A part of me still hasn't realized…" Her breath got uneven, and she stuffed the commlock back into the drawer of her cabinet. "I'll tell the nurses to put it away until I'm discharged." She tried her best to make her voice sound firm.

Victor cleared his throat. He wished there was something he could say, but no words came to his mind. He simply took Helena's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

They sat silently for a while, then Victor leaned back and looked at his friend with a warm smile. "Helena – you know the origin of your name is ancient Greek."

"Yes, I know." She made a wry face. "There is this myth about the Trojan War which started because Helen, Queen of Sparta, was kidnapped by this guy called Paris…"

Victor laughed. "Exactly! But I wasn't thinking of that now. It's the meaning of your name I was thinking of. Do you know what your name means, Helena?"

She shook her head. "No," she admitted. "Frankly, I never really cared about it."

"It means ´light´ or ´torch´." He gave her hand a light squeeze. "That's what you are to me, and to many others as well: A light in the dark. A light of hope… a light of love and humaneness." He watched her with loving concern. "We all miss your light, Helena. Get well and shine for us again."

Helena was so deeply moved she couldn't say anything. All she could do was return the squeeze of Victor's hand.

"I better let you rest now, my dear." He kissed her cheek.

"Victor… please come again," she whispered.

"I will." With a reassuring smile, he left.

In the afternoon, after taking another nap, Helena looked through the pile of books Sarafena had brought her – historical novels, international classics, poetry, science-fiction, philosophy, biographies, and more. It brought a rare smile to her face when she noticed a book about medicinal plants. So typical of Sarafena…

She randomly picked up a book and tried to read, but soon had to give up. She was unable to concentrate. Sighing, she cast a glance at the entertainment computer on the wall facing her bed, offering a variety of films and documentaries, but she couldn't bring herself to switch it on. The mere thought of doing so was giving her a headache.

Restlessness spread inside her. I have to get out of here soon… I need my work! she thought desperately. I'm lost without my work…

A beep from the door startled her out of her dark musings. "Dr. Russell? Can I come in?" A male voice sounded from the interphone, and a cautiuosly smiling face appeared on the monitor on the wall beside the door.

"Karl!" Helena said surprisedly, letting the door slide open. "Please, come in."

Her visitor entered. Karl Schuster, the Austrian botanist and theologist, was in this thirties, not a man who was dashingly handsome at the first impression, but he had a pleasant smile, and when he laughed his trademark hearty laugh, nobody could help joining him. His good spirits were infectious. He was tall and lean, not the typically athletic guy, but obviously well-trained and in good shape. His light brown hair was a bit too long for Helena's taste, but she had to admit it suited him well.

"I hope this isn't a bad time?" he asked while slowly approaching her bed.

"No, on the contrary." Helena sat up more straightly, rearranging the cushion in her back. "I was just about to really feel sorry for myself, so it was good you interrupted me. – Oh!" Touched, she gazed at the transparent box the botanist offered her. It contained a bunch of yellow, daisy-like flowers. "Thank you so much." Taking the box into her hands, she looked at the flowers, amazed by their freshness and bright colour, then looked at her visitor with a soft smile. "That's so sweet of you, Karl. Have a seat!"

"Helenium autumnale!" Karl said proudly, pointing at the flowers. "I was looking for a flower with a connection to your name. Helenium refers to the famous Helen of Troy."

Helena's smile deepened. "That's funny – Victor mentioned something about my name too today." She looked at the flowers again. "They're beautiful. I love the colour… This room could certainly do with some brightness." She faced her visitor again. "I'm curious – what does Helen of Troy have to do with this flower?"

"Well…" Karl hesitated a bit. "It's said that… these flowers sprang from the ground where Helen's tears fell." He suddenly looked guilty. "I'm sorry, Dr. Russell, this was probably tactless…"

"No, it's all right. It's… not your fault." She quickly averted her eyes, and brought the flowers up to her nose to enjoy the fragrance.

After a moment of silence, Karl spoke again. "Uhm… Maybe you've heard the English name of the flower before. It doesn't sound as nice as the Latin one. It's called… common sneezeweed."

Now Helena had to laugh. "Oh, that's the name of this beautiful flower? It doesn't seem to fit."

"Well, it's called that way because in the middle ages, people made snuff from it. I don't think anybody here on Alpha knows, though."

"Don't give them any ideas!" Helena was still chuckling. "One thing we certainly don't need is a drug problem here on Alpha."

"That's right. – Actually, Dr. Russell, there's something else I'd like to give you." He pulled a small notebook out of his jacket. "It's a collection of my favourite bible quotes." He looked at her openly. "Please don't feel pushed to read this. I just thought… it might be helpful."

Helena sighed, now serious again. "Karl, that's nice of you. I know you're meaning well. Thanks for that. But I am no spiritual person."

"I understand." He kept the book in his hands, letting his eyes rest on her. "You know – many people find it strange that I'm a natural scientist and spiritual at the same time. I don't see a contradiction there. I guess… We all have to find our own way."

"That's true." Thoughtfully, she looked at the notebook he was still holding. "I've met many people who are scientists and yet feel the need to engage in spirituality. Nothing wrong with that, of course. It's just… not my world."

"Nothing wrong with that either." Karl gave her a friendly smile. "You know… There was a time, back on Earth, when I was really desperate. I had lost someone. I was… how do you say in English?... Hitting rock bottom." His amber-coloured eyes met hers. "At some point, I found out there is always a meaning behind everything."

She pensively looked down at the container of flowers she was still holding.

"Don't lose hope, Dr. Russell." His voice was sad and comforting at the same time.

After a moment of silence, Helena drew a heavy breath. "I appreciate you saying that." She placed the container of flowers on the bedside cabinet.

With a deep sigh, Karl got up. "I hope you'll feel better soon, Dr. Russell." He glanced at the flowers, looking a bit unhappy. "I'm glad you like the helenium autumnale, but… actually, I wanted to give you something that's more… meaningful."

"You gave me something very precious," Helena looked at him intently. "You made me laugh. I… honestly can't remember when was the last time I laughed." She swallowed. "Thank you, Karl."

Clearing his throat, he nodded."I guess… I'd better take this back with me again?" he asked, holding up the notebook with the bible quotes.

"Oh… Why don't you leave it here with the other books I got. You'll never know… I might feel like checking it out some time after all."

"Okay." He put the notebook on the bedside cabinet, next to the pile of literature.

"Would you…" She swallowed again. "Would you stay with me a little… and read something to me?"

Surprised, he looked at her. "Of course I'll be glad to stay a little longer!" He sat back down again, looking at the pile of books beside her bed. "What would you like me to read?"

Finding a comfortable position, Helena closed her eyes. "Please read whatever you like, even the bible, I don't mind. I just enjoy listening to you so much," she said softly. " I like your accent. Your voice is so soothing, calming…"

He chuckled. "Oh yeah, I always put the Commander to sleep with my sermons." His eyes had a benevolent twinkle. He randomly picked up the first book from the pile. It was a collection of international folk tales. He began to read: "Once upon a time in a land far, far away…"

The next day, Yasko and Jenny surprised Helena with a present they had made themselves. It looked like a bunch of garlands of colourful Japanese origami paper. "This is beautiful!" Helena touched the work of art carefully. "It looks like - something I've seen before, but I can't remember…"

"It's called Sembazuru," Yasko explained. "This means ´a thousand cranes´. You see these garlands consist of many little paper cranes. In Japan, it's an old custom to make this for a sick friend who you wish to recover soon."

"Oh yes, of course – I've seen this in Nagasaki. In Peace Park, there were many people laying these crane garlands down at the memorial for the A-bomb victims." Helena looked at Jenny and Yasko. "You two made this?"

"Yes. Jenny and I made five hundred each. I'm glad I still had so much origami paper…"

"Five hundred each! That's really a thousand cranes! So much work…!"

"It didn't matter. It's for you, Sensei. You must get well soon!" Jenny burst out. "It's terrible to see you like this…. Ah, I'm sorry! It's just… You don't belong here in a sickbed. I want to work with you again!"

"Oh Jenny…" Helena reached for the girl's hand, giving it a squeeze. "I want to work with you again too. I'll try hard to get well soon." She squeezed Yasko's hand as well. "Yasko, Jenny, thank you so much for the beautiful present. It's so precious. It makes me feel better just to look at it."

"Then let's put it up right here so you can always see it!"

"No, John. I'm afraid I can't let you see her." Bob looked at his friend and Commander sympathetically, but adamantly. He was sitting at his desk in Medical Centre, now being in charge, standing in for Helena.

"Come on, Bob. She got over the operation quite well, didn't she? I promise, I'll take care not to upset her."

"John, look…" He motioned to John to sit down on the chair opposite his desk. "Physically, she's on the way to recovery. But mentally, emotionally, she's not doing well at all. She doesn't talk to me about how she feels, but it's clear for everyone to see that she's in a state of depression. I'm seriously worried about her, and so are my colleagues." He sighed and rested his head in his hands for a moment, then looked at John again. "I have to talk openly to you, John. You know Helena quite well. So you know that when Helena is under emotional stress, she has the tendency to fall into an unhealthy lifestyle – she doesn't sleep enough, she doesn't eat properly, she works too much without taking breaks – but usually, it never takes long until she's back to normal again. This time it's different, John!" He leaned forward in his chair, looking at the other man in a desperate attempt to make himself understood. "Her lack of proper sleep and nutrition went on for weeks, and I've noticed she's been taking painkillers and tranquilizers." His expression was troubled now. "Normally I would never talk to you about a patient like that, but this is Helena we're dealing with. I've tried to talk to her during the last couple of weeks, I've tried to warn her, but you know how stubborn she can be!" A trace of annoyance mingled with the concern in his expression. "She kept pretending she was all right, although she clearly wasn't, but I couldn't force her to take a break if she wasn't willing to! So she continued overexerting herself, agonising… I wasn't aware of the whole extent of the mess until she finally collapsed, bleeding. That was a real shock. For all of us."

John sat motionlessly in front of him, looking down, covering his forehead with his hand.

"John, what I'm trying to tell you is – all we can do here is cure her physical illness. We cannot relieve her from her emotional distress. She's not accepting any help. She tries to suppress her pain and keeps telling me she can't wait to go back to work. But I know that as soon as she's back in her job, the whole thing will start all over again – she'll bury herself in work, keeping her feelings bottled up inside herself. Then it's only a question of time until the next ulcer breaks out. It's a downward spiral, John." His look became very serious. "Let's face it. She will not get well this way. She will get worse." He paused. "And I'm at the end of my wits."

John stared at him, looking tormented. "But… there must be some way to help her!"

"There is only one way to help her. And only you can do that."

"Wait!" John jumped up. "You're not asking me to…"

"I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm just stating the facts as they are."

After leaving Medical Centre, John walked the corridors aimlessly, hardly perceiving the people around him. During the last couple of weeks, he had got used to everybody falling silent and keeping a distance from him when he passed, but he didn't care. He just kept walking, feeling his heart and his whole body grow heavier with every step. Finally, he noticed he stood in front of Victor's study.

"Come in, John."

John dropped into a chair and buried his face in his hands. Victor waited patiently.

"It's about Helena," John finally said.

"That's what I thought."

John told him what he had heard from Bob.

Victor nodded pensively. "You know, John, there's one question I've been wanting to ask you all the time. I only waited for the right moment. I think the moment is now." He sat down, too, and looked earnestly at his younger friend. "If you considered anyone of us here on Alpha a possible danger to the crew, would you react the same way as you did with Lee Russell?"

John was not able to answer. He had never asked this question to himself. He felt his blood draining from his face.

"Think about it," Victor said gently.

Almost in trance, John returned to his office. I wouldn't have reacted the same way, he thought. There is no point in deceiving myself. I would never banish anybody, even if there was a planet to send this person to. I just wouldn't do it. We are one community.

I banished Lee Russell because he is Lee Russell.

Once he had admitted this to himself, he felt amazingly relieved and at the same time horrified. It began to dawn on him what he had done. I banished somebody from Alpha on personal grounds. It's not the point whether Russell was a proper crew member or not. I'm the Commander of this base, and I placed my own personal interests in front of the Alphans' well-being. I acted out of… hatred. Jealousy.

John breathed heavily, his throat felt as if he was strangled. He broke into sweat.

Helena. She will never be happy again. Her condition will get worse. Maybe much worse. Because of me.

He got up and stumbled to the door, taking a moment to collect himself and breathe normally before he entered Command Centre.

"John! Are you all right?" Alarmed, Paul looked at him.

"Yes. Paul, how far are we from the planet now?"

"The planet?"

"Terra Nova, of course! Can we still reach them?"

"Reach them? You mean, for contact? But you said…"

"I know what I said! And I'm asking you now to tell me if we can still reach them!"

Paul was still flabbergasted. "Contact is still possible, Commander!" Sandra said who had already checked it. "Do you want me to establish a connection?"

"No need." He went to his console and called the pilot section. "Alan, I'll take Eagle One. I'm going to the planet and pick up Lee Russell. He won't make it back here with his small ship – not at this distance. He can meet me above the surface."

Alan's upset voice sounded from the monitor: "John, that's extremely dangerous what you're planning to do!"

"I know. Tony, you know what to do. And Paul – I'm counting on you two." He left Command Centre in a hurry, heading for the Eagle hangar.

I can never forgive myself.

He started to run.

I can never forgive myself.

Chapter 13

"I can't wait any longer."

Pulling his space suit out of the shelf in a forceful movement, Lee began to put it on.

"Lee, listen to me! The Viper and the Cobra are both damaged!" Desperately, Gary tried to hold his friend back. They were standing in the maintenance shack by the airfield. "We've tried our best to respair them, but all those flights to the Moon and back have worn them out eventually. We've tried, we've really tried hard! But you have to accept… that it's too late now!"

Lee shook his head, exhausted from all those days and nights he'd been working together with the technicians to get the two spacecrafts fully functioning again. He looked drained, but determined. "I'm not giving up. I'm going, Gary! I'll take the Viper because it's the smaller one. You'll need the Cobra here – I'm really sorry I've got to take the Viper away from you all! I'll try to send it back by remote control, but I don't know if it will work!" Troubled, he looked at his friend. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid it can't be helped. It would be too dangerous for you or anybody else of the crew to fly me to Alpha. We have to be prepared that Koenig will attack the ship."

"All the more reason to accept that it's too late, Lee! I'm so sorry about that!" Gary looked devastated. "Lee, I do understand you. Really, man, I do. I've known you for so many years, and I know what you and Helena mean to each other. Heck, I was best man at your wedding! But…" Getting more and more distressed, Gary tried to reason with his friend. "Even if you decide to take the risk to be fired at, you can't take the Viper as it is now! We need more time to repair it!"

"I don't have any more time, Gary. I'll just have to handle the ship the way it is. We're already at a critical distance from the Moon. I would have left already if I hadn't been held up by the repair. I've talked to the Captain; he's not happy about my decision, but he understands. I have to hurry, so please say goodbye for me to everybody, will you?"

"Lee, you're going to kill yourself!"

"Gary." Lee gripped his friend's arms, looking at him intently. "There is no alternative. If I stay here, I'll lose Helena definitely. If I go, I have a chance. We have a chance."

Seeing there was no way to make his friend change his mind, Gary swallowed hard. In an unstable voice, he muttered a curse.

Lee gave his friend a quick, rough hug and a pat on the back. "Take care, Gary. I'll miss you." He hurriedly boarded the Viper and started the engines.

Gliding through the dark void, Lee tried hard to keep the speed as low as possible in order not to demand too much from the damaged craft. He kept a strict control on all the instruments, checking the data on the cockpit's display constantly. He had lifted off twenty minutes ago, and so far, the Viper was holding up well. "Good girl!" Lee mumbled, trying to pierce the darkness in front of him with his eyes. "We should be on Alpha soon." He didn't allow himself to think of the possibility that the engines might fail – just one engine failure might be fatal. He was well aware of the high risk that he would not survive this trip, but it didn't make a difference. Giving up Helena without even trying to get back to her was not an option to him. He would rather have died.

Suddenly, he perceived a movement in the dark. Like a ghost ship in the black depth of the ocean, the outline of an Eagle appeared in front of him.

All right. Here we go. Bracing himself, Lee sat up straight in his pilot seat, opening the communication channel when he heard the Eagle's radio signal.

"Russell!" John Koenig's voice sounded gruffly from the speaker.

"Yes, Commander. I am on my way to Alpha. And I will not be stopped." Lee touched the laser weapon the Captain had given him just in case. Please don't let me need to use it, he silently prayed, not sure if he directed those words to John Koenig or some higher power.

"Come on board the Eagle!" Koenig said. "You can dock your ship to the side."

Calmly and expertly, Lee steered the Viper to the Eagle's docking system. "No tricks, Commander!" he said firmly.

"No tricks. I give you my word."

Lee felt he could trust the man, so he put the laser weapon down. Then he got ready to leave the Viper and board the Eagle through the door that slid open for him. Entering the big vehicle that hung motionlessly in the dark void, he took off his helmet and saw John Koenig stand in front of him. Obviously he had put the Eagle on automatic pilot so he could leave his seat.

Koenig's expression immediately made Lee's blood freeze. "Helena!" he burst out. "What happened to her?!" He made a step towards John.

In a calmimg gesture, the Commander raised his hands. "She's all right! I mean… she's sick, but she will be all right. She…" His face was tense with anxiety and guilt. "She had a gastric ulcer and underwent surgery last week. Physically she's on the mend, but…" He didn't have to say any more.

"Oh my God…" Lee whispered. Then, focusing on John again, he said in a stronger voice, "I was held up by the repair of our ships – I would have come back earlier! I lost too much time… Let's hurry now!" He rushed towards the command module.

"Wait!" John's voice held him back.

Stopping in his movement, Lee turned around to face the other man. John Koenig's face was still tense, and his eyes radiated his inner turmoil. "I know we need to talk later, but for now…" He seemed to search for the right words, trying to calm his breath. "Can you accept my apology?"

Lee nodded briefly. "You're risking your life here to get me back to Alpha. I think that's compensation enough."

Reluctantly, John nodded too, staying silent. Of course it wasn't enough, it would never be enough, but that was his problem to worry about, not Russell's. Taking a deep breath, John closed his eyes for a second before fixing them sternly on the man facing him. His voice was loud and clear now. "Mr. Russell, are you ready to serve Moonbase Alpha to the best of your abilities?"

"Yes, Commander, I am." Lee's voice was strong and firm, as well as the look in his eyes.

John stretched out his hand. "Pilot and science officer Lee Russell – welcome on board."

They shook hands, looking at each other in agreement.

At exactly that moment, a bright flash of light startled them both. Rushing to the monitor, they saw a pulsating light signal shining from the Viper – then all was dark around the small spacecraft.

All engines had failed.

"That… was close." Lee stood there motionlessly, struck.

John felt a shiver run down his spine. Then, finally, he went to the pilot's seat and sat back down again. Lee followed him, taking his seat as co-pilot.

They prepared the flight back to Alpha, checking the instruments, working together as if they had never done anything else.

"Commander, I'd like to quickly let my crew know I'm okay."

"Go ahead." John turned on the Eagle's radio system, and Lee contacted the planet.

"Lee? Lee, are you all right?"

"I'm all right, Captain. I'm on board an Eagle with Commander Koenig. We're returning to Alpha now. I'm… sorry, the Viper is lost. We had to let it go."

"All that matters is that you're safe, Lee. God bless you!"

"And you, Captain," Lee said quietly.

The connection was lost.

"Good crew," John mumbled.

"Yes, indeed," Lee replied quietly, and John didn't miss the trace of sadness in the other man's eyes. He knew, however, that Lee Russell had been willing to give his life for the chance to be reunited with his wife, so there was no doubt about how strong his feelings were.

"Eagle One calling Alpha! Come in, Alpha!"

"John!" Tony, who had been pacing nervously, jumped back to his console. "Are you all right?!"

"Yes. ETA on Alpha ten minutes." There was a brief pause, then another voice sounded from the communication system: "Hello Moonbase Alpha, this is Lee Russell."

"YES!" Maya jumped up from her seat, beaming widely.

"Lee!" both Paul and Tony shouted, jumping up too. "Welcome back!" Paul called out, then cheerfully nudged Kano who was staring at the monitor, eyes and mouth wide open, pointing at Lee's face in disbelief as he turned to look at his colleagues. "What…?"

"Thank you." Lee smiled, then said, "Please don't tell Helena yet. I'd like to let her know myself… after we've had a safe landing."

"You got it." Tony gave him a thumbs-up.

John spoke again. "The information that Lee Russell is back on Alpha will be kept private until I've made an announcement to the whole base."

"Understood, John!" Tony nodded.

Arriving in the Eagle hangar, John gave the same order to the pilots who greeted them enthusiastically. With a broad smile, Alan gave Lee a high-five, saying he couldn't wait to fly with him again.

In Medical Centre, Bob, Ben, and two nurses looked at Lee as if they saw a ghost, but John briefly explained the situation and led Lee to Helena's room. "If you don't mind," John said, "I'd like to go in first, just to let her know everything's all right – that she doesn't have to worry."

"Okay, John… I mean, Commander."

Helena had just finished the soup she had got for dinner when she saw John on her commlock. Reluctantly, she pushed the communication button. "Yes, John?"

"Helena, can I come in just for a moment?"

"Okay." She let the door glide open.

He entered, looking very tense. "Helena, here is somebody who wants to see you." He stepped aside, and… No. This can't be true. I'm hallucinating, or dreaming…

She felt herself being strongly held in a firm embrace, she felt protective arms around her – his arms. It felt too real to be a dream. She felt his lips on her forehead, heard his voice softly talk to her, she heard him say, "My love… I'm sorry… I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier…"

His voice! His touch… He was back… Was he really? She felt tears streaming uncontrollably out of her eyes, all the tears she hadn't allowed to spill for all those days and weeks… "Don't go!" she wanted to say, but she couldn't speak.

He kissed her eyes, her cheeks, wiping off her tears with his hands. "I'm here, my love. I'm not going away again. Never!" he whispered, holding her tightly, caressing her shaking shoulders.

John turned to leave the room quietly, but suddenly there seemed to be no strength in his legs. Helena's heart-rending sobs were too much for him. He had never seen or heard her cry like that. What have I done?… What have I done to her?... Somehow he managed to leave the room, but outside, he thought he was going to collapse any minute. With great difficulty, he started to walk, while tears obscured his view.

Suddenly, he felt a hand softly touching his arm. "Commander," a gentle alto voice said, "Come with me." It was Sarafena. She led him into a small room which was normally used for physiotherapy, but was empty now. John sank onto a pile of exercise mats.

"Here. Drink this." With a reassuring smile, Sarafena gave him a cup of steaming herb tea, then discreetly left him.

John didn't know how much time had passed when he finally felt ready to leave the therapy room. After talking briefly to Bob, he used the commpost in Medical Centre to announce Lee Russell's admittance to Alpha as a regular crew member. Then he hurried back to his quarters. Tony had assured him everything was under control in Command Centre. "Go ahead and take a break, John. I'll see you tomorrow morning!" his second-in-command had told him with a trace of concern in his voice. Under normal circumstances, John's pride wouldn't have allowed him to admit his mental exhaustion, but this time, he had simply replied, "Thanks. Let me know if you need me."

Now, he was sitting in one of the armchairs in his living room, gazing out of the window into the dark void above him where nothing, not the tiniest star was visible. He startled when a beep from the door pierced the silence. Bracing himself, John checked the monitor – and sighed with relief. It was Victor who greeted him with a light smile, holding up a bottle John remembered well – that bottle of brandy!

John couldn't help returning the smile as he let in the only person on the whole moonbase – if not in the whole universe – whose presence he could take right now. A minute later, the two men were sitting together, holding glasses with the golden liquid in their hands. At a loss of words, John looked at his oldest friend and mentor who raised his glass to him, saying gently, "To everything that will be!"

"Sh-sh-sh. My love, it's all right. I'm back. I'm here, with you. I'll never leave you again," Lee kept whispering the comforting words over and over again, caressing his wife's head and her face as he held her, slightly trembling himself, feeling the full emotional impact of the situation now that he was safely back.

Helena pressed her face to his shoulder, still unable to speak. Her tears kept flowing. "Lee…" she finally managed to say his name, looking at him, still trying to fully understand he was really with her. "You made it back… You're here!... I thought it was too late… I thought I'd never see you again…"

"My love…" He cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. "I made it back. It was close, but I made it – with John's help. He came to get me back, Helena. We were running out of time. Both our ships were damaged. It took so long to repair at least one of them – that's why I couldn't come back earlier. I almost didn't make it. But John came to meet me on the way, although it was quite risky for him too."

"I… I can't believe he did that!" Helena was still in tears.

"He realized he made a mistake," Lee said gently. "It's all right now, my love. You don't have to worry anymore." His lips found hers in a soft, tender kiss to which she responded with equal devotion.

When they finally broke the kiss, still holding each other, Lee looked closely at his wife, concerned. "My love, you don't look well. You're so pale, and so skinny…" He gently touched her cheek, then placed his hand carefully on her stomach. "Does it hurt very much?"

Helena smiled through her tears. "No. It almost doesn't hurt at all anymore – since you are here." She leaned her face against his. Lee kissed her forehead, then looked at her again. "You had a gastric ulcer and were operated on?"

"Yes. I…" His insightful look told her he sensed why she got so sick. "I… broke my promise, Lee!" Her eyes darkened. "I lost hope. I thought this was the end."

"Oh, my love…" He held her close again. "It's over now. I'm back." His voice was choked. "We'll never be separated again. I swear."

Whispering her love to him, she pressed her cheek to his.

Some time later, Bob came to look after Helena and found her enfolded in her husband's arms. "Lee, welcome back!" he smiled, approaching the bed. "Sorry, I couldn't say hello properly when you came in with John – it all went too quickly. It's so good to see you!"

Lee returned his smile, still holding Helena who was wiping her eyes with one of the small towels that lay on the shelf near her bed. "I'm glad to see you too, Dr. Mathias! I heard from the Commander that you talked to him… It surely helped him make the decision to call me back. Thank you for your help, doctor." He looked very serious as he faced Bob.

Turning to her colleague, Helena was still dabbing at her eyes with the towel. "We… we owe you so much, Bob," she said, her voice faltering.

"Oh, no, not really!" Bob said, slightly embarrassed. "Apparently, Professor Bergman talked to him too. That was probably more effective. – Helena, how is your stomach doing?"

"Much better."

"That's good! Let me give you a quick scan… Oh!" With a pleased expression, he looked at the scanner's display after he was finished. "Very satisfying, don't you agree?" He showed her the results.

"Yes, indeed!" She gave him a light smile, but her tears kept flowing. "Sorry, Bob, I… I just can't stop crying…"

Lee embraced her again. "You need time, my love," he said softly, stroking her hair.

"That's right." Bob sat down on a chair near the bed, looking at his boss-turned-patient who raised her head from Lee's shoulder, trying to collect herself. Lee gently wiped off her tears with a fresh towel.

"You've been under a lot of pressure during the past couple of weeks," Bob stated. "Now you can finally relax, let go. It's a natural reaction. Your hypothalamus is working full force, sending out hormones all over the place."

Helena slowly nodded. "It makes sense."

"Take all the time you need." Bob got up. "I'm going off duty now. Ben will be here if anything – oh!" He was interrupted by a beep from his commlock that announced a text message. He quickly read it, then grinned broadly. "We've got a delivery! Hang on…" Within a second he was out of the room and back in again, holding out a bundle to Lee who was still sitting beside Helena on her bed. "There you are!"

It was a neatly folded uniform with a red sleeve, a dark blue jacket, a stun gun, a commlock, and a name tag on top of it. "Welcome to our crew, Lee! It's great to have you with us."

Swallowing heavily, Lee accepted the uniform and items from the doctor. He couldn't speak.

"Thank you, Bob," Helena whispered, touching the name tag tenderly. A tear fell down on it.

"And…" Bob cleared his throat; he was getting emotional too. "There's a message from the Commander, Lee. You are off duty until Helena fully recovers."

Lee nodded, relief written all over his face.

"Good night then." Giving a light smile, Bob turned to leave.

"Good night, Bob. See you tomorrow." Helena wiped her eyes again.

Lee walked Bob to the door. "Thank you again for everything, Dr. Mathias."

"Bob, please." He gave Lee a friendly clap on the shoulder, then left the room.

Just when Lee had placed a chair right next to Helena's bed so they could comfortably sit closely together, his new commlock melodiously informed him of a text message. It was from Hassan Ravani, the young maintenance worker who had been strictly advised by Lee to consult Medical Centre because of his asthma. Hey Lee, how cool that you're an official Alphan now! I'm in charge of the uniforms. I know you're assigned to both Science and Pilot Section now, so your sleeves should really be red and yellow, but since I figured you wouldn't want to look like a parrot, I've sent you a simple red one. See you later!

They both chuckled after Lee had read the message to Helena. "Good old Hassan!" Lee grinned. "I'll call him tomorrow. Now…" He jumped up. "I just have to see if the uniform fits." He quickly changed, and found that the shirt, trousers, and jacket seemed just as if they had been made for him.

Seeing her husband in the Alphan uniform, Helena was overwhelmed by her emotions again. "Sorry…" she managed to get out as Lee gently dried her tears while stroking her hair. "It's… it's just… a few hours ago, I thought I'd never see you again, and now… now you're… oh my God." She sobbed uncontrollably.

Feeling his tight, loving embrace, Helena gradually calmed down, and her tears finally stopped flowing. Lee caressed her cheek. "How about some music?"

"Mhm, that would be nice." Helena smiled with closed eyes.

Giving her a kiss on the forehead, Lee went to the entertainment computer and searched the CDs. "Beethoven, Moonlight Sonata…"

"Oh, yes! Do you remember how many times we've listened to it?"

"I could never forget that." Lee's eyes had a soft shine as he smiled at her. Then he started the CD. Listening to the dreamy, atmospheric piano sound, they sat nestled together, deeply connected in their silence.

When the music ended, Lee got up to search the CDs again. Just at that moment, a beep from the door announced the arrival of Mary Wilson, the head nurse. Carrying a tray, the brown-haired, motherly woman came in, smiling at Lee who was facing her, and then at Helena. "Here is your medication, Dr. Russell," she said, putting the tray on the bed table. "And some sandwiches for you, Mr. Russell. I figured you must be hungry."

"Oh, Mary, you're wonderful! Thank you!" Lee beamed.

"Not at all!" Mary said, slightly blushing.

"Thank you, Mary," Helena said softly, smiling at her. Lee sat down beside his wife again, rearranging the pillows in her back so she could sit more comfortably.

"Oh, Dr. Russell…" The nurse swallowed as she looked at the couple, and shyly reached for Helena's hand. "It looks like… you've just got the medicine you need."

After Mary had left, Lee looked at Helena with slight concern. "Won't it be hard for you watching me eat while you don't have anything?"

With a soft laugh, Helena shook her head. "Don't worry about that. Enjoy your dinner! I had my soup earlier, and I still have to be very careful with my diet." She sighed. "I can't wait to get out of here and enjoy the meals you cook for me again!"

Swallowing his first bite, Lee gave a soft laugh too. "I can't wait to cook for you again. You definitely need to gain some weight!"

A short while later, after listening to some more classical music and simply enjoying their being reunited, Helena said pensively, "I wonder how John is doing. I need to talk to him, but… it's late now. I'll have to wait until tomorrow."

Lee nodded. "I must talk to him too. But let's not rush. I can see you're exhausted, my love. You better get some sleep now." He kissed her tenderly. "I'll be back in the morning."

"Make sure you get a good night's sleep too, honey." She gave him another soft, sweet kiss.

Leaving the room, Lee quickly said good night to Ben, and waved to the bunch of nurses who were huddling together in the break room, curiously peering through the open door.

Hardly had the door of Medical Centre slid shut behind him, his commlock beeped, and Paul Morrow's beaming face appeared on the tiny screen. "Lee, sorry for disturbing you, but could you come to Command Centre just for a moment? We just want to welcome you back!"

Lee felt his throat tighten a bit as he agreed to come.

A choir of loud cheers greeted him when he entered a fully crowded Command Centre. He found himself surrounded by so many people he lost count. Paul, Tony, Victor, Kano, Tanya, Sandra, Yasko, Alibe, Karl Schuster, half the pilot staff, half the staff of the Cleaning Section, of Maintenance, of Security… Everybody wanted to shake his hand, pat his back, talk to him. Maya rushed up to him, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Returning the hug, deeply touched, Lee was at a loss of words. Finally, Tony raised his voice: "All right, everybody! Let the man get some rest now. He'll still be here tomorrow." He winked at Lee with a grin, and Lee couldn't help grinning back. "Thank you… thank you, everybody!" he said in a slightly choked voice. "I'm… really happy to be here again."

Another loud choir of whoops and cheers filled the room, and it took a few more minutes until Lee was released to go to his – or Helena's – quarters.

John gave up trying to sleep. It was useless.

Sitting up in bed, he glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Two hundred hours. Sighing irritably, he got up, slipping into a pair of blue jeans and a black T-shirt. He had to get out of here.

Luckily, at this time of night, the halls and corridors of Alpha were deserted. Crew members on night duty were working quietly in their labs and offices, so he wouldn't have to meet anybody. After wandering aimlessly for a while which seemed like an eternity, he finally knew where he wanted to go.

The storage room for clothing was so vast one could almost get lost in it. John had to search for a while until he finally found what he had been looking for. A wistful smile curved his lips. There it was – his old uniform with the yellow sleeve. He only needed to look at it to be immediately propelled back in time, five years ago… and more.

Closing his eyes, he saw the laughing face of his friend, Tony Cellini. He heard his voice, talking to him with his Italian accent. John, hey, long time no see!

Through his closed eyes, John could see him so vividly. He looked happy and relaxed. His voice was strong and clear. John, you were the only person in the universe who believed in me. I never had the chance to thank you. What you did for me… I will never forget.

"Tony, my friend. You did it. I may have hit the monster in the eye, but in the end, it was you who killed it. All credit goes to you, Tony."

Speaking those words softly, with his eyes still closed, John felt enfolded by a wave of warmth from his friend. "I'll be with you soon," John whispered. "I'm going to leave this place. I'm going to join you, my friend."

A sharp pain hit John's face, as if somebody had punched him. John! Don't be an idiot! You're alive, and you're still young! Look at me! I'm dead, John! I didn't want to die! I wanted to finish the monster and LIVE! Don't be a wimp!

A wimp. John cringed as if he had been hit in the guts.

He supported himself by reaching out for the wall, keeping his hands stuck to it while his head hung down. When he had stopped trembling, and his breath had calmed down, he wiped his face with his sleeve, collecting himself. Then he focused back on the memory of his deceased friend. The vision gradually faded away, like a cloud of star dust.

"Thank you, Tony. I'll see you again, pal. Some day."

Back in his quarters, John felt exhaustion take its toll. He sank into his bed, and finally, sleep engulfed him.

In the morning, he knew what he had to do. He put on his old uniform he had taken back with him from the storage room, noticing it fitted him perfectly again, now that he had lost some weight. With a bitter smile he attached the commlock to his new – old – belt, then he sat down at the desk in his living room, turning on the computer.

He drew a deep breath, then he opened the communication channel to the whole base.

"Attention all sections Alpha." He cleared his throat as his voice was very hoarse. "This is Commander John Koenig. This will be my last announcement as Commander of Moonbase Alpha. I have made a grave mistake that is unacceptable for someone in my position. I punished a person living and working on Alpha very severely without justification – simply on personal grounds. To take the appropriate measures for an unacceptable behaviour like this, I hereby resign from my position as Commander of Moonbase Alpha. As my last official act, I transfer my position to First Officer Tony Verdeschi. He shall decide whether to continue as Commander, or change the administration of Moonbase Alpha to a more democratic system with elections. From now on, I will be part of the pilot crew under Captain Alan Carter. Thank you for your attention."

Exhaling deeply, he leaned back in his chair. A heavy load had fallen from his chest.

It didn't take a minute until his commlock beeped. Helena's face appeared. "John Koenig!" she said strictly. "Come here now, immediately." Even on the tiny monitor, he could see there was a flash of her old strength in her eyes. She was piercing him with that look he knew so well. "Helena, I…" "Now, John."

Sighing, he made his way to Medical Centre, ignoring the many people around him who called his name, still calling him Commander, wanting to talk to him. "Later! Later!" he kept mumbling, waving them off.

Entering Helena's room, he saw Lee standing next to her bed in his new uniform. "Good morning, Commander," he said, then bent down to his wife, softly touching her shoulder. "I'll be nearby."

"Okay." She smiled up at him, following him with her eyes as he left the room. Then she turned to John. She was sitting upright in her bed, wearing a lavender T-shirt instead of the Alphan blue pyjama. Her blue-green eyes had their energetic shine back. "John. Come here, sit down with me," she said softly, pointing to a chair beside her bed.

Hesitantly, John approached her, swallowing heavily as he sat down. "You… look so much better today!" he said, having trouble to speak.

A light smile played on Helena's lips as she let her eyes rest on him. "You look good too with your yellow sleeve." Then her expression turned earnest again. "But John, you can't be serious about this!"

Unable to withstand her look, John averted his eyes. "Helena, my decision is final."

Helena opened her mouth to protest, but closed it again, sensing that John had more to say.

"What I did is unforgivable." He kept his eyes fixed upon a spot somewhere in front of him. "There is just no excuse, no compensation – nothing. I was only thinking of myself. I only saw my own trouble, my own pain. I wasn't willing to see your side of it all. I totally lost it. I…" He shook his head. "I didn't want to see…" He pressed his lips tightly shut for a moment, and a tormented expression darkened his face. "I didn't want to see how much… pain I was causing you by sending Lee away. I didn't want to see how… unfair I was to Lee, and to you." He closed his eyes for a moment. "In my position, I have to be fair and righteous. I cannot let my judgement be clouded by personal feelings. I thought I had learnt my lesson, but obviously I didn't." His expression turned harder. "I have shamed everyone who respected me, supported me." He shook his head again. "I have let you all down. The whole Moonbase. And that's why I have to bear the consequences now."

"John, look at me."

Hesitating for a moment, he slowly raised his head and met Helena's look. There was no contempt in her eyes, no anger. She held out her hand.

Unbelievingly, John stared at her. Then, very slowly, he took her hand in his, holding it. Something began to stir inside him. "How… how can you still…" He couldn't continue speaking.

"John, you're human." Her voice was soft and gentle. "Humans make mistakes. You realized your mistake, and you brought Lee back to me." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "You two need to talk as well," she added softly.

John could only nod faintly.

"I hurt you too," Helena said earnestly. "I know I hurt you badly. I wish I didn't have to cause you so much pain." There was sorrow in her eyes. It was the same sorrow and concern he had seen in her eyes whenever she had looked at him during all those weeks after Lee's arrival. She had been worrying about him all the time. John had not been able to see it through his pain. He saw it now.

"It wasn't your fault," John said hoarsely. "Not your fault." He closed his eyes again as he felt he couldn't control his emotions any more. He couldn't believe what was happening when he suddenly felt Helena's arms around him. He hardly dared breathing. Very slowly and cautiously, he returned the embrace.

They sat like that for a while, silently holding each other. Then, softly, John let her go.

"John," Helena said quietly, looking at him. "I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"But… " John still felt a bit overwhelmed. "After what I've done… Can you still accept me as a friend?"

"I need you as a friend." She gripped both his hands. "I know I'm being selfish," she said, her eyes glistening. "But I don't want to lose what we've got… what we had. I want to work with you again, discuss things with you again – even if it might take some time until we can act normally around each other again. I'll do my best to get well soon, and then I'll be back at the command conferences, bugging you with my opinion!"

He saw her strength returning more and more. This was the Helena he knew. She was determined, and she was confident.

And she still wanted to be his friend.

Softly, he gave Helena's hands a squeeze before letting them go. He drew a deep breath. "Helena… Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?"

"Yes, there is." Affection was shining in her eyes as she spoke. "Please take good care of yourself, John. And please… promise me you will talk to Bob."

She saw his expression get uncomfortable, and hurried to add, "I know. I know you don't like the idea, and I understand. I… I'm afraid I might have to talk to him too sooner or later, and I don't like the idea at all. But, John, there are things that we just can't deal with by ourselves, no matter how big our mental strength is… or how big we would like it to be." She sighed. "Sometimes we need help. There's nothing wrong with needing help, John. Nothing to be ashamed of."

After a while, John sighed deeply too. "All right. I promise. I'll… schedule a session with Bob." He made a face as if he had bitten into a lemon.

"That's good." Helena gave a smile of relief. She was about to ask him again to reconsider resigning as Commander, but then she felt it was wiser not to mention it at this point. Something told her that John needed a little more time to come to terms with the whole situation.

"I'd better go now." He got up. Helena reached up to hug him again, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

When John left the room, he was almost knocked over by Maya who had just finished her shift in Command Centre and was now on her way to see Helena. "Oops! Excuse me, Commander!" She dashed into the room. "Helena! Oh, Helena!" She gave her friend a big squeeze.

"Ouch!" Helena laughed, gently returning her hug. "You're crushing me, Maya!"

"Oh, sorry. But I'm… I'm so happy that Lee is back!" Maya said with tears in her eyes. "I've been so worried about you!"

"Oh Maya, dear…" Helena embraced her again. "I'll be all right. I'm sorry I made you worry so much. I'll get out of here soon, I know I will!" She stroked her friend's long auburn hair that flowed down her back.

Meanwhile, John was standing in the corridor outside Helena's room. His mind was like a merry-go-round. The conversation with Helena had shaken him, had given him comfort, while confusion, sadness, and guilt were still raging inside him. He wanted to be alone, but the shrill beep of his commlock and Tony's stern face on the monitor told him there was no time to rest now. There were urgent issues to take care of. "Tony, I'll call you back later!" he said as firmly as he could, and closed the connection. He breathed deeply. Before facing his crew again, dealing with everybody's reactions to his resignation as Commander, he needed to think about what he had to take care of first. Resolutely, he entered the main area of Medical Centre to find Lee talking with Sarafena Mathias. Interrupting their conversation, they both looked at John who cleared his throat. "Mr. Russell, if you've got a moment, could you come to my quarters?"

Lee agreed, and quickly informed Helena via commlock.

Side by side, the two men walked along the hall leading to the travel tube. His mind still in a haze, John noticed many faces around him, voices greeting them quietly or cheerfully, giving Lee a thumbs-up and smiling, asking questions, but he felt as if there was a glass wall between him and the rest of the world. He heard Lee softly give a few answers here and there, he saw him wave at some people, but all that didn't feel real.

It was only when they were both finally sitting in armchairs facing each other in his living room that John gradually returned to the here and now.

Lee began to speak. "Commander, I…"

John cut him off with a rough gesture. "Forget it. I'm not your Commander any more."

"Well… Captain Koenig."

Sighing irritably, John cut him off again. "John, short and simple. Anything else is just… bullshit."

Lee gave a light smile. "All right then. Please call me Lee." He paused for a second, then started speaking again. "John, I'm really glad you were ready to accept me back on Alpha on your own accord, coming for me like that. I… really hoped there would be no need for violence. So I'm glad and relieved that things worked out this way. Although I do admit I wished you had made up your mind sooner."

John simply nodded, staring in front of himself.

They sat in silence for a while, until John spoke again, his eyes still fixed on a spot somewhere on the floor. "I wanted to marry her."

"I know. And I understand," Lee said quietly. "If there's anybody at all who can understand you, it's me."

Slightly embarrassed, John kept his look fixed at the ground. Clearing his throat, he spoke again. "But what I did is unforgivable. I caused Helena immense pain. And I abused my power. The explosion thing was only an excuse to – get rid of you." He passed his hands through his hair. "I didn't give you a chance from the beginning on. I – hated you."

"I know," Lee said earnestly. "No wonder you did. What else could you have felt?"

John sighed. Then he looked at Lee, seeing his calm attitude, the expression of openness and thoughtfulness in his eyes. "What about you?" he asked impulsively. "Don't you hate me at all? You must hate me after all what I've done to you… and to Helena!"

Lee stayed calm, holding his gaze as he answered. "No, I don't hate you. I admit I was angry at you. Even though I could understand you, I did have bad days on the planet when the repair of our ships didn't go well, when we were running out of time… I was really mad at you, annoyed as hell. I felt like punching you in the face." A spark flashed up in Lee's eyes, and for a split-second, John saw the raging man fighting in Medical Centre before being held up by the security guards. But when Lee continued speaking, his eyes turned calm again. "I was angry. But… hate would be the wrong word. I didn't hate you. And I don't hate you now."

John unbelievingly shook his head. "What are you, a saint?!"

Lee gave a wry grin. "Oh, no. Trust me, I would hate you if Helena had chosen you – if she had decided to be with you and forget about me. The mere thought of it…" Lee's face turned hard, and he closed his eyes for a second. Then he opened them again, facing John. "I would hate you, and wish you were dead."

The words hung between them like a thundercloud.

Then Lee said dryly, "There. So much for me being a saint."

John nodded slowly, his eyes resting pensively on the other man.

"One thing would have been different for me, though," Lee added. "A very important thing. I would have had the chance to leave, go back to Terra Nova and eventually return to Earth. It would have helped me overcome the hate. It still would have been just as painful, but at least I wouldn't have had to see you and Helena together every day. You didn't have that chance."

"That may be true," John grumbled, "But it doesn't make my behaviour any better."

"Well, maybe not better," Lee said. "But understandable."

Neither of them said a word for a while.

"I thought," John finally said, "I lost her. But that's not true. I never had her. I've realized that now. She never really was mine to begin with. In her heart, there was only you." He looked at Lee. "After all what I've done, I can consider myself damn lucky that she'll still be my friend."

Looking at him, Lee seemed to search for the right words. He looked down for a moment, breathed deeply, and faced John again. "Helena cares deeply for you, John," he said earnestly. "Your friendship… means a lot to her."

Staring in front of him again, John swallowed. Then, after a moment, he said hoarsely, "You and Helena… You'll need bigger quarters. Talk to Tony. I know there are some quarters for couples still available."

"I will. Thanks for letting me know." Again, he breathed deeply. "John… I don't want Alpha to lose you as Commander."

John shook his head, looking at the other man with a frown. "Lee!" It was the first time he called him by his first name. "I don't understand you. After all this, you still see me as Commander?"

"Of course I do." The look in Lee's eyes told John he really meant what he said. "John, I think it's wrong to see only the recent events. It's important to see the whole picture." He paused, letting his look wander to the darkness outside the window. "I know what you Alphans went through since the Moon was thrown out of Earth's orbit," he said quietly. "I've heard all about it from Helena, and from many other people too. No matter who I talked to, everybody said they wouldn't have survived until now if you hadn't been their leader. I have a great deal of respect for you, John. And…" He swallowed, his eyes revealing the depth of his emotion as he spoke. "I owe you Helena's life."

Silence filled the room again.

Finally, John raised his head to look at Lee. "You once said we should try to get along with each other," he said in a low voice. "I guess we've got no choice but to really try." He paused for a second, then added, "For Helena's sake."

Lee nodded. "For Helena's sake!" he repeated firmly.

They looked at each other, and both of them got up at the same time. After a firm handshake, their ways parted.

The moment the door closed behind Lee, a loud growl from his stomach reminded John that he hadn't had breakfast yet, so he checked his supplies and was relieved to see he still had some bread, cereals, and other ingredients he could fix something with. He wouldn't have liked the idea to go all the way to the cafeteria, having to face people and answer their questions.

Hardly had he swallowed his last mouthful of coffee when he was startled by an alarm from the commpost: "Attention all sections Alpha. This is First Officer Tony Verdeschi. Thank you all for sending in your votes. I will announce the result now." Tony paused, and John had the feeling his friend was looking straight at him, piercing him with his eyes. "The whole Alphan personnel was asked to vote if John Koenig is still suitable as Commander of this base or not. All three hundred crew members sent in their vote. Here is the result." On the monitor, Tony's face was replaced by the display of a large green figure of 98%. "Ninety-eight percent of the Alphan personnel want to keep Commander Koenig in his position. I have nothing to add."

Frozen, John sat at his dining table, unable to think.

A beep from his commlock almost made him fell out of his chair. Tony said, "John, put your uniform back on and get your ass up here to Command Centre! You've got a base to run."

"Oh my God, I'm so relieved!" Helena exhaled deeply, sinking against Lee's shoulder after they had both heard the good news through the commpost. Then she straightened. "I'm going to Command Centre."

"Now? Are you sure?!" A bit baffled, Lee stared at his wife as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Yes, I am. Honey, would you get me my clothes out of the closet over there?" She pointed at the closet where she kept some clothes she had asked Sarafena to bring her from her quarters, black slacks and a dark green shirt. Cautiously getting up with Lee's help, she changed, and then went up to the mirror. "Oh no, my hair is a mess!" she groaned, hastily grabbing her comb, trying to get her hair under control, but gave up soon.

"You look great!" Lee said reassuringly.

She frowned at him, but then had to smile. "And you look more like an Alphan now than me!"

Lee laughed. "I'll change into something more comfortable later. I just put the uniform on today because… it just feels good."

Helena kissed him. Then she asked softly, "Are you ready to take me out of here?"

He put his arm around her, firmly and protectively. "For a short while, yes. And we'll be very careful."

She put her arm around his waist, glad about his support. She wasn't as strong as she wanted to be yet. "I definitely need to exercise more," she mumbled.

After Lee had promised Bob to take good care of Helena, they left Medical Centre together, arms around each other.

"Dr. Russell!" Yasko's cry of joy made John, Victor, and Alan, who were engrossed in a discussion, abruptly turn towards the Command Centre's entrance door. Indeed, Helena and Lee Russell were standing in the doorway. The days and weeks of emotional stress and sickness were still written all over Helena's face and her whole body, she was taking cautions little steps while her husband kept his arm firmly around her waist to support her, but she was smiling radiantly, and the colour of her cheeks was not so pale anymore. She was dressed in a casual off duty outfit while Lee was wearing his new Alphan uniform. The couple was cheerfully welcomed by everyone present, while John, who was still trying to keep his balance during the emotional rollercoaster ride he had been experiencing for the last twenty-four hours, felt his reactions were slower than usual. Everything was still so unreal… But the happiness all around him, the atmosphere of warmth, harmony, and solidarity began to engulf him, finding its way into his senses. Swallowing hard, he motioned Helena to sit down on the nearest chair – which was his own.

Helena sat down at John's console while Lee was standing behind her, his hand resting on the back of the chair while he was laughing about something Paul said to him. "I like this seat!" Helena said, her smile widening as a sparkle flashed up in her eyes. "I'll gladly take over command, John!"

Lee made a mock-terrified face. "Oh no, I don't like that!" he protested, and John couldn't help laughing. It felt liberating, although it was just a small chuckle. His eyes met Lee's, and they exchanged a grin. Noticing this, Helena reached out to give John's hand a quick squeeze, then she gently touched her husband's hand that was still resting on the back of her chair.

As if by magic, Tony suddenly produced a fresh batch of his beer, which Helena had a good excuse not to accept. Lee happily agreed to try it, despite Maya's warnings, and everybody roared with laughter when Lee bravely gulped down the brew, trying hard to make a diplomatic comment.

Finally, Helena had to admit she was a bit exhausted and needed to lie down again. Assuring everybody she would be back soon, she left Command Centre with Lee to return to Medical.

In the afternoon, Helena's stomach began aching again. Lee helped her find a comfortable position, then rested his hands softly on the aching spot, giving his warmth, until she fully relaxed and felt nothing but ease and cosy sleepiness.

When Bob came to examine her, she opened her eyes. "I must have dozed off… I felt so cosy and comfortable. – The pain is gone!" she said surprisedly, then looked at the scanner's results Bob showed her. They both nodded contently. "I keep improving!" Helena told Lee, much to his relief.

"Did you take any pain-killers today?" Bob asked, sitting down next to the bed.

"No… today was the first day I didn't need any," Helena said. Then she smiled, holding Lee's hand. "I had something better. Touch therapy." Lee smiled too.

"Touch therapy?" Bob looked at her thoughtfully. "Well, now that you mention it… I've heard of that before. I never really believed in it. But in your case, it seems to have worked."

"There is still so much we doctors don't know," Helena said in a low voice, "about healing, and what influences a patient's recovery, and much more… Probably we are so used to administering all kinds of medication that we tend to forget to look at the patient as a person with individual needs."

Bob nodded. "Well, I guess we've got something new to study about when you're back working with us."

"I can't wait!" Smiling again, Helena sat up more straightly. "Bob, I'm ready to be discharged. I know I still need to rest!" she hurried to add as she saw Bob was about to protest. "But I definitely can rest better in my own bed, with Lee beside me."

Lee put his arm around her, and looked at the doctor. "I promise I'll take good care of her, Bob," he said. "I'll make sure that she gets enough rest, and that she doesn't overexert herself. And I'll prepare meals that are gentle on her stomach."

"You see, Bob? I'm in the best hands possible." Helena nestled against her husband, happily closing her eyes for a second.

Pulling her closer to himself, Lee gave her a light kiss on the head, then smiled at Bob. "It looks like I'm Doctor Russell for a change."

Helena chuckled. "I love being your patient – Doctor Russell."

"Okay, okay!" With a slightly desperate laugh, Bob raised his hands in a gesture of resignation. "I declare I'm defeated by you two. But I'm relieved to know you're still off duty, Lee." He sighed, getting up from his chair. "Helena, promise me you'll take it easy. And if there's anything wrong, please come here immediately!"

Helena sighed too. "Bob…"

"You can count on me." Lee gave Bob a firm nod, his expression proving that he definitely meant what he said.

One week later, Helena slowly started working again, strictly supervised by Bob and the other doctors who made sure that she took her breaks. The same day, Lee returned to his work station in the Science Section, and later in the Pilot Section. At both places, he was joyfully welcomed. Another week later, Helena and Lee moved into their new quarters where they both had a little more space for themselves.

One night, when they were snuggling up to each other on the big cosy sofa in their living room, talking about their day at work, Helena couldn't help thinking of John. "It's getting easier between us. But I know he's still having a hard time." She sighed. "It's a bit of a relief to me that he's doing sessions with Bob."

"Give him time, love." He stroked her hair.

"You know, Lee, I have a feeling his real love is still to come. I was not his destiny. I had a different function in his life. In time he will find true happiness."

Some day in the near future, Helena should remember her words and find herself proved right.

Helena and Lee stood by the big window, watching the planet Terra Nova slowly disappearing in the distance. Lee had put his arms around his wife from behind, resting his head against hers. She leaned to his body, feeling his warmth. One year ago, she had been standing here alone.

"Lee…"

"Yes, my love."

"I've been thinking – about what we've been going through the last six years." She turned around to him. "I believe… it was a test for us. I don't know who or what made this test, but I'm sure it was a test – if our love is strong enough to bear all that." She looked at him.

He nodded. "You are probably right. And I think we passed the test."

"Yes, we did."

Holding each other, they stood in silence.

Nothing in the universe could come between them.

~ The End ~