Chapter 43
It wasn't long before Horuss, Kankri, and Porrim gathered enough metal for Horuss to begin his revival project.
"8==D I may need both of you to assist me in this matter. It ta% a few hours and requires diligence and STRENGTH. Are you both up to this task?" Horuss asked Kankri and Porrim.
"I do+ whatever yo+u need me to+-within reaso+n," she added for Kankri's sake. Horuss smiled at her.
"8==D This situation is far too important for to allow ourselves to be consumed by our black romance. We will have to put it aside for now. I hope this does not trigger you—to use your e%pression, Kankri—but I will resist you if you make black advances on me." Porrim nodded in agreement, impressed that Horuss had resolved to steel his emotions as well as Rufioh's new horse body.
"Thank yo+u. It means a lo+ to+ me, fo+r yo+ u to+ say that I'm no+ just an o+bject o+f hatred fo+r yo+u," she told him. Horuss nodded and set out to work, only calling on Porrim and Kankri when necessary.
"Why did you express your gratitude for Horuss' vow to reject your advances? I thought you once told me that society rejected the value of women and—"
"That was then, Kankri. I did so+me thinking while I was in the to+wers. I realize no+w that despite all my effo+rts to+ try and be different fro+m so+ many o+her wo+men, I'm just like them. I'm playing right int+ stero+ypes." Kankri placed a comforting hand on her shoulder gently.
"I don't know how much assistance I can be in the matter of helping you," he began, "And not making you feel offended, but I want you to know that I don't see you as being 'defeated' or 'surrendering' just because you take on a task that you believe does not suit you. I know you well enough to know that you are too strong to let yourself lose your individuality. I know that you hate the role the game has given you, but if you just embrace it for a little while it doesn't mean that your ideas are compromised. Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do, but we do it because we know that it's for a good reason, even if we have trouble seeing it. Also…"
"I get it, Kankri," Porrim replied. "Yo+u're trying to+ tell me to just accept my ro+le. And yo+u're right. I've been very stubbo+rn abo+ut this who+le thing, but now it's made me realize that the more I try and be defiant and resist my calling, the angrier and more emo+io+nal I get. And if I let that happen to+ me, then Ho+russ will like—o+r hate, rather—me mo+re! Isn't it iro+nic?" Kankri was not a master of irony like certain coolkids that didn't exist yet, so he said nothing on that matter. Instead he replied:
"But I thought you enjoyed your kissmesis with him. Do you want him to break up with you?" Kankri asked.
"Yes and no+," Porrim replied. "I lo+ve to+ hate Ho+russ, but if we keep this up fo+r the rest o+f the game it co+uld serio+usly jepro+adize what we're supposed to+ be do+ing. I'll have to+ steel myself fro+m him, just like ho+w he said he wants to+ resist me—no+ that wo+uld be easy, o+f co+urse," she joked slyly.
"8==D Could you two make yourselves useful in some manner by assisting me? I require 6 hands for this next operation," Horuss told the other two. So they stopped their conversation to start working on rebuilding Rufioh.
Time passed, and the process of restoring Rufioh to life was slow. But finally, Horuss attached the severed head to the rest of the metal horse body. Nerve tissue connected to wires, bone connected to metal, and Rufioh's new artificial heart was began to pump a blood substitute. And minutes later, the troll opened his eyes.
"Ugh…where am 1?" He heard 3 trolls cry in delight and could feel a few hugs around his body. But it was different; it felt wider and colder and...
Rufioh gasped when he realized he had a new horse body.
"What d1d you guys do!?" Rufioh cried, not sure whether to be shocked or surprised.
"We found your severed head," Kankri began.
"And we searched for some metal parts," Porrim added.
"8===D And we made you a new, equine body! What do you think? You're alive again thanks to my—our efforts!" Horuss cried happily. Rufioh didn't say anything for a while. He was great to be alive, definitely, and glad that his friends and associates had ignored their differences to try and help him, but he wasn't exactly fired up about his new horse body, at least not yet.
"1t w1ll…take some gett1ng used to, but 1 can make 1t work," Rufioh replied as honestly as he could. He tried to get up off the table they had used to operate on him, but he had some trouble moving his legs downward so he could land on the floor.
"8==D Than% for all your help!" Horuss told Porrim and Kankri. "I can help train Rufioh to grow accustomed to his new body now. If I'm not mistaken, you both have a job elsewhere to do?"
"Yes, we do, and…" Kankri began.
"We'll get right to it," Porrim finished. "As soon as some other business is taken care of."
"D==8 Oh, you must mean Damara. Yes, she must pay for her crimes!" Horuss shouted despite the fact that his hive was too small for that to be necessary.
Rufioh looked up at them as Horuss lowered him from the table and stood his legs up straight. He had trouble balancing, so he leaned against a wall. "No, wa1t. 1 don't want you guys to k1ll her," he protested. "V1olence can't be solved by more v1olence!"
"Then what else co+uld we do+?" Porrim countered. "Walk up to her with a strongly worded letter instructing her to cease and desist?"
"In the past, I would have considered such an option," Kankri admitted. "But now I agree with Porrim and Horuss. Triggering as it may be for you, Rufioh, violence with only beneficial results is worth engaging in."
"How can you say that? 1t goes aga1nst your own moral pr1nc1ples of f1nd1ng peaceful solut1ons!" Rufioh replied.
"Listen, Rufio+h," Porrim began, "After everything we went thro+ugh, it's definitely necessary fo+r us to+ try and dispo+se o+f Damara. And since she's the time player, who+ kno+ws ho+w much stuff she's messed up?"
"Indeed. Do you not remember the essay Aranea emailed to us all before our session, warning us of the frailty of timelines and the numerous problems that could plague it?"
"Uh, no, 1t was bor1ng," Rufioh admitted. Kankri tried to hide the offense he took, since he had helped Aranea streamline the contents of the essay into a reasonable and easy-to-read (for him) manner.
"Well, you should know that messing around with timelines is dangerous. And who knows how much Damara has done that without us knowing?" Kankri told Rufioh. "I don't like triggering you, but if I do so by seeking out Damara with Porrim then I'm afraid I must!" And with that Kankri and Porrim left.
"8==D Perhaps they will not find her," Horuss reassured him, although he hoped that they would. He found it strange that Damara's victim was the one person who didn't want her dead. But such were the ways of lowbloods like Rufioh, it seemed.
The two spent a few more hours in the hive, trying to get Rufioh to relearn how to walk in his new metal horse body.
"8===D Soon, your stumbles will become standing, and your standing will become wal%, and your wal% will become trots, and your trots gallops, and your gallops sprints, the sprints of an incredibly fast and STRONG steed!" Horuss told him excitedly. "8====D All of that weakness and thin-limbedness in your body will be forgotten, replaced by a STRONG, solid, new body of metal in the equine form, the most e%quisite and most majestic! And then I can be your rider and we will be forever united as troll and hoofbeast!"
Rufioh heard all this coaxing as he tried to get his hooves to move, only to trip and lose balance after a few steps.
"1 can't do anyth1ng 1n th1 body!" Rufioh complained. "Was th1s the only way to rev1ve me?"
"D==8 You wouldn't have wanted a troll's body, now would you?" Horuss asked. "Or would you perhaps have preferred to be a centaur?"
"No," Rufioh replied, growing irritated at Horuss' self-centeredness, "1'd rather be dead!" Horuss stifled a gasp that seemed a bit too high-pitched for someone of his physique to utter.
"Look," Rufioh began, "1'm glad you brought me back to life, but I don't get why I had to be a horse. The only reason I can see for it is because you just like horses. But I'm not interested in horses or weird muscular animals or metal-working or anything like that. I like troll anime and flying and living free and natural, far away from machines. We're practically opposites, but now you're trying to make me like you!"
Damara, buried underneath a pile of broken robots in the closet in that same room, listened. She thought Rufioh had loved Horuss completely and had abandoned her. Now she realized that the whole time he had never been completely sure. Perhaps he even loved them both, if that was possible. She decided to change her plans slightly. Rufioh was of no use to her in a horse body, but since she had no way of getting him back and she had already killed him…
"D=8 That's not it at all, Rufioh," Horuss told Rufioh as their argument began. "It's simply that the horse is STRONG, and now that you are won you cannot possibly be killed by Damara again!"
Damara snickered, amused at how Horuss thought Rufioh would be safe just because he was shaped like a horse.
"No, I don't think that's what it is at all," Rufioh went on. "I think you were a little glad when you found out I was dead. You finally had the chance to take away my individuality and make me your little pet, your perfect slave of your own creation! You might as well have not used my head and made me all robot! Then I could still be free and you'd be happy with another me. But instead you just didn't care about me and what I would think. You only cared about yourself."
Damara agreed with Rufioh. But didn't he realize that she was different? She had cared about him, not just herself, not like the selfish and fetishistic Horuss. Why had Rufioh spurned her in the first place, she wondered? Was it because he grew tired of her? Did he only see her as a friend this whole time and had just played along that he was in love with her because he didn't want to hurt her feelings?
Horuss briefly thought about getting angry. He thought about delivering a punch so powerful he could break Rufioh's horse body in half—and he could do it he really wanted to, forcing Rufioh to never be able to move without assistance again. But being with Rufioh for so long had made him soft—too gentle to hurt someone like him on purpose. So instead he let his anger turn to disappointment.
"D=8 Oh," he said at last, "D=8 I thought you would like it. But it seems that you do not, and so I suppose I can attempt to make a new one. I apologize." Horuss turned and went downstairs to and leave his hive, muttering "Fiddlesti%" to himself on the way down.
"Wa1t! 1 d1dn't say you had to get me a new one! 1 can work w1th th1s 1t just takes time! Horuss, 1 don't want to be left alone anymore!" Rufioh called, out steadying himself to his feet and constantly tripping as he tried to follow him out.
No matter why Rufioh left her, Damara reasoned, his rejection still needed to be punished. Now was the opportunity for her vengeance to be satisfied. Then she could go and continue to work uninhibited by grief.
So as Horuss passed by, she immediately flung open the door of the closet, tossing the severed metal torso of a broken robot at Horuss' face. It was enough to make him clutch it for just a second, temporarily blinded and stunned by the wound, giving Damara enough time to tackle him to the ground, pinning him down by stabbing her spiked heels through the armor he wore. Rufioh, in surprise, tried to go over and push Damara off with his horns, but his legs were still unsteady, and he fell forward again. Damara chuckled, grinning as Rufioh cried in horror as he saw Damara slit Horuss' throat with her blade.
"(You should be thankful that you were already killed by me. I don't have to do it again. Now, my animosity towards your betrayal is over. I shall leave you in misery now. Goodbye, Rufioh,)" Damara said softly, getting up and walking calmly down the stairs and leaving Horuss' hive.
Light brown tears stained the floor where Horuss lay. He struggled just to get up, to try and see Horuss as he lay dying. He had hoped to say something to tell him he was sorry that the last memory he would have of him was of them fighting. But it was too late, Rufioh saw, as the indigo blood washed over his tears; Horuss was dead, just minutes after he had been brought back to life. What was the point to anything? Rufioh thought, trying to remember what Mituna had said.
It won't be a pleasant road, I know that much. But we have to do our best to travel it and shoulder the burdens it gives us, even if we don't want it to. I know that you look about your life right now and all you see are mistakes and tragedy, but believe me; one day you will understand how this all works.
He didn't know if he could believe that; Rufioh felt that it took too much faith in the timeline, and that it would remain stable. And how could he trust the timeline when Damara was ruining it? Unless by somehow messing things up Damara was doing exactly what she was supposed to do.
Perhaps he'd never know for sure. But Mituna had never said, he remembered, that understanding why tragedy happened made it less painful. So he gave Horuss a kiss goodbye, hoping that his dream body was happy somewhere on Derse.
What else had Mituna said?
But one day, both of our burdens—and everyone's burdens—will be gone, and we'll be free from this game and what it gave us forever.
Maybe this was his burden, Rufioh thought. Punishment for his indecision and romantic juggling. Or maybe it was the grief of losing everyone that cared about you, watching them warp into inconsiderate machines like Horuss, or soulless monsters like Damara. Either way, Rufioh didn't know if his knew horse body was strong enough to shoulder his burden.
