Chapter 45

Porrim and Kankri were working on some frog-gene splicing when Aranea galloped in on the metallic Rufioh, trying her best to look like some dashing knight ready to save her people from danger.

But all it did was make Porrim burst out laughing. "Go+o+d o+ne, Aranea! O+h, that's funny o+f yo+u to+ do+! We've been wo+ndering where yo+u were fo+r a while, and then when yo+u finally sho+w up—yo+u're this knight! It's like yo+u sto+le Ho+russ' thunder o+r so+mething just to+ get us to+ remember yo+u!" Porrim tried not to giggle anymore, but couldn't help herself. Kankri tried to hide his smile, not wishing to trigger Aranea by laughing at her.

"Okay, so my entrance was a little over the top, 8ut now let's get serious!" Aranea snapped. "What do you need and why did you leave Rufioh all alone?"

"We d9n't need anything, at the m9ment, alth9ugh y9u're welc9me t9 help us with the fr9g-breeding," Kankri told her. "And where is Horuss? Surely he would have 6een eager t9 ride Rufi9h's now-equine metallic 69dy."

"He's dead," Rufioh replied. "Damara came and killed him just after you guys left." Porrim finally managed to stop laughing when she heard this. Her kissmesis, dead? At the hands of Damara? No one was supposed to kill Horuss but her, his kissmesis! And even then Kankri was supposed to stop her, as her auspicticise! And no would know it was her who would even try to kill him!

"WHAT?! No+w that bitch has go+ne to+o+ far! Yo+u can't just go+ aro+und killing peo+ple yo+u do+n't like just because they cheated o+n yo+u!"

"H9russ did n9t cheat 9n Damara," Kankri corrected her, but Porrim clearly had her mind made up.

"Rufio+h, do+ yo+u know where Damara is? We're go+ing after her," Porrim declared. "The fro+gs can wait."

"Actually, they can't!" Aranea informed her. "Frog-8reeding is a fundamental part of any Sgru8 session! You have to do it to cre8 the Genesis Frog, a frog meant to em8ody the whole universe—or at least the next universe of people meant to play this game!"

"Why would the whole un1verse be trapped 1ns1de of a frog? That's just weird, not to ment1on bad 1f the frog d1es somehow," Rufioh pointed out.

"True, 8ut that's just how 1t works!" Aranea countered brusquely. She was getting tired of having to debate and discuss. Couldn't everybody just do what she wanted them to?

"1 wonder what M1tuna would th1nk…maybe he knows now, or someth1ng," Rufioh mused.

"Kn9ws what?" Kankri asked.

"Oh, you d1dn't know? He got bra1n damage, and 1t made h1m all messed up 1n the head. But he's real smart now, too, 1t's k1nda hard to expla1n," Rufioh told him.

"Who cares a8out Mituna? He's not here! Damara is who we should 8e focusing on!" Aranea told the group.

"Exactly, I agree with Aranea. She has to+ pay!" Porrim declared.

"No, not that! Well, she does, 8ut l8r! Right now you need her to help you with the frog 8reeding," Aranea explained.

"Y9u mean kill us all while we 6reed fr9gs?" Kankri asked. "That s9unds like a m9re pr9per term f9r Damara's intentions, if we were t9 invite her here."

"No! Look, I know that no8ody here likes Damara, and I certainly understand why," Aranea went on, "8ut frog-8reeding rquires a time-player! Their a8ility to go 8ack in time is vital in order for you to get all the frogs you need—some of the frogs that have the necessary genes were dead 8efore our session 8egan! It was deli8er8 so that the time player's a8ilities would have to 8e used."

"Can't we just get so+meo+ne else besides Damara and teach them ho+w to+ time-travel?" Porrim asked.

"A p9ssi6ility, yes, b6t h9w w9uld we teach them if we 9urselves have n9 pri9r experience?" Kankri asked.

"Well…there is one way," Aranea suggested. "I have a few marshmallows left. One of them is an hourglass marshmallow. I think it may have some sort of time-rel8d properties. Except…"

"Except what? Y9u didn't leave it 9n the fl99r f9r m9re than 5 sec9nds, did y9u?" Kankri asked. Since he was probably going to be the one to have to eat it, he didn't want to if it had germs on it. That would be waaay too triggering for him—all those diseases he could get!

"No. It's just that I have this feeling that eating it now would mess us up. This isn't its purpose," Aranea said weakly.

"It's a marshmallow, it do+esn't have a purpo+se! Just take it fro+m her by fo+rce and eat it, Kankri!" Porrim told him.

"I w9uld never d9 such a thing!" Kankri replied. "Taking things from pe9ple 6y f9rce is wr9ng!"

"Ho+w so+? Is it really like that when yo+u need it way mo+re than they do+?" Porrim countered, hoping to finally poke a hole in Kankri's anti-triggering logic. Kankri thought for a moment, and Porrim was about to go over and take it from Aranea when all four trolls heard a giggling sound.

Hehehehehehehehe…Oooh, Aranea! How lucky you are to have one particular marshmallow that can help!

"What marshmallow?" Aranea asked.

Oooh, it's a special one! I'd tell ya, but…you'd have to apologize first!

"For what?" Aranea blushed as the other trolls scowled at her.

Oh, you know…rejectin' me! Leavin' me behind to that mean old English brute! And you were about to look up at the strings, weren't ya, Aranea?! Only Mituna can do that!

"Aranea, that seems so mean of you…" Rufioh frowned.

"Aranea, yo+u've really go++ten much harsher lately. What's go+ing o+n with yo+u?" Porrim asked.

"Aranea, why w9uld y9u trigger such an innocent exile?!" Kankri demanded. "He just wanted t9 help!" He was clearly the angriest of all.

"No, guys, I can explain!" But they didn't look willing to listen.

"And r1ght before call1ng Mi1una 'retarded'," Rufioh added. Kankri gasped, very triggered that someone else would trigger someone (even if they weren't there) with such a triggering word.

"All right, Clover! You win! I'm sorry I told you to leave! I just wanted to help my friends! What's so wrong a8out that?!" Aranea declared. "I just wanted to 8e like my ancestor, doing things instead of sitting around!"

Oooh, that's all right, dearie! Turns out it was all for the best! I was the wee little man holdin' ya back, not yourself! But I'll tell ya! Reach into your sylladex and get out that clover marshmallow and the hourglass. But don't eat either of them!

Aranea did so.

Now give it to Kankri!

Aranea did so.

Now Kankri, say "Marshmallow power, double me luck!" and throw both of them to the ground! Don't worry about the germs.

"D9es the sentence have t9 be grammatically inc9rrect?" Kankri asked.

You bet your fluffy red sweater it does! Now say it and do it!

Kankri did as instructed, embarrassed that he had to say such a bizarre and triggering statement. But he did it anyway, and do his surprise, the marshmallows glowed with a blinding light. When the light faded away, Aranea found herself holding both marshmallows—and Kankri had a copy of the hourglass marshmallow!

Now you can use the hourglass twice, to double your luck! And make sure it's good, me dear trolls!

"Thank y9u! H9w c9ome 9ur exiles haven't helped us lately?" Kankri wondered.

I think I can answer that, lad.

Ooh, you stay out of this, Sawbuck! Horuss isn't here, so you shouldn't be either!

Now, Clover! I'm trying to tell them something important!

You wouldn't know "important" if it hit ya on the head with a shelileh!

A what?

A beating stick! Now make like one and beat it!

Well, fine, then, I will! I hope you'll be happy when the trolls all die at your watch, Clover!

Aranea hasn't died once! Not like your Horuss!

"No, guys, wait! Can't you settle your differences for just a little 8it?!" Aranea screamed out, fed up with all the bickering and dialogue she had been through lately. "Clover, let Saw8uck speak! I don't know why you h8 him, 8ut we need to all hear what he has to say!"

Ooh, fine! But only for your sake!

Yes, quite. Erm hm! As I was going to say, we Felt have been in a mansion divided for quite some time. And I fear we can't stand on our own for much longer. You see, ever since we Felt became exiles for you all, we've let our personal feelings control us. Some of us choose to follow our master's instructions only, while others—myself and Clover included—want you all to succeed and thrive. We have a vague idea of what will happen to, and we're not at liberty to say, but we choose to ignore what will happen and instead wish to give you a bright future—one that we want to help you make! Those of us that wish to help you are called Team Sympathy. It consists of myself, Clover, Biscuits—Mituna's exile, Crowbar—Meenah's exile, Trace—Cronus' exile, Cans—Latula's exile, Die—a chap Cronus met a while back on a personal journey—and Doze—although that poor fellow has yet to help out anyone. The others are only telling their respective trolls what to do when necessary, following Lord English's orders only. At first we wished to work with them, but now we've split up. Team Apathy—as we call them—is currently loitering around, awaiting…something. I'm not sure what, but our master has told us to do so! But I and the rest of Team Sympathy refuse to sit on the sidelines, and so we're still in your corner!

"1f you're supposed to be one of the helpful ex1les, then why d1d you let Horuss d1e?" Rufioh demanded. The other trolls seemed to be satisified with Sawbuck's explanations, though.

I wish there was something I could do to prevent that tragedy. You may think of Horuss as your lover, but I thought of him as a son—the way a lusus feels for its troll, only greater!

Everyone else, including Clover, thought that was kind of weird. What was a "son", anyway?

Just as I thought, no one understands. No matter. But to answer your question, Rufioh, I tried to help. But when I wanted to say something to Horuss, to remind himself of the badge I had given him—my master stopped me. My computer went dead, and my master spoke to me in a harsh voice inside my mind, commanding me to cease with my current action.

Ooh. You didn't tell me about that.

Why should I have? You wouldn't have believed me.

Of course I would have! I'm sorry if I made you think I was untrustworthy, Sawbuck.

Thank you, Clover. At least you believe me now. Unfortunately, trolls, there's not much I can do to help you now—or any of us, for that matter. Our master has our computers locked, and we have no idea why. All we can do is speak to you, rather than help you by giving you things as we did in the past. Let us know if you need us, and we'll try to answer!

And with that, the trolls had this sense that Clover and Sawbuck were gone, at least for now.

"So+, no+w that that's all taken care o+f…Kankri, y+u help me with the fr+gs. Aranea, I think yo+u sho+uld go after Damara. If yo+u want to+ redeem yo+urself o+r whatever, that wo+uld be the perfect way to+ do+ it!" Porrim suggested.

"Actually, I have a more practical idea," Aranea told her. "We have no idea where Damara is. So instead of tracking her down, let's esta8lish a contact network, in which we can all come to each other's aid the moment Damara shows up from nowhere and tries to wreak havoc!"

"So+unds a little lazy to+ me, but go+ on," Porrim replied.

"Well," Aranea continued, trying not to listen to that nagging voice (was it Clover?) in her head telling her that Porrim was right, "It's going to take more than the 4 of us. We need Horuss, whose dreamself is most likely still alive. So is Cronus's, and from what I've gathered Meulin is still alive, too."

Yeeeees! Aaaaand sheeeee haaaaas sooooomethiiiing yooooouuuu dooooon't!"

"What's that?" the troll all asked at once, thankfully using a phrase that didn't involve any of their typing quirks.

Sheeeee haaaas theeeee coooins, the stranger went on. Quaaaaarteeeeeeeers gaaaaaave heeeeeer theeeee cooooins tooooooo uuuuuuse—

"W9+uld y9+u hurry up?! We can't w18 f9+ever!" the trolls all shouted in a phrase that DID use their typing quirks.

Soooooooooryyyyyyy. Iiiiiii'm juuuuuuuuuuust sloooooooow liiiiiiike thaaaaaat. Quaaaaaaarteeeeeeeers tooooooold meeeeeeeee thaaaaaaaat heeeeeeee gaaaaaaave theeeeeeeee coooooooins tooooooo Meeeeuuuuuuliiiin wheeeeeeen weeeeeeeeeee swiiiiiiitcheeeeeeeed aaaaat seeeeeeeeentryyyyyyyy duuuuuuuuuutyyyyyy.

Doze proceeded to explain the coins, but it was so long and boring that only Kankri could keep track of what was being said. He then told the others, at which point Aranea got an idea.

"If these coins can make people swap places, we'll just call Meulin and have her use them! I wonder why Quarters ended up 8eing her exile so she could give them to her, though…"

Doooo yoooooooooouuuuuuu waaaaaaaaaaant toooooooo knoooooooow w-?

"NO+O+O+!" Rufioh, Aranea, and Porrim all cried. And so Doze left, happy to have finally helped the trolls at some point. If only he hadn't been so slow at it!

Aranea immediately decided to troll Meulin about the idea:

Arachne's Gift (AG) began trolling Anthropomorphic Complexity (AC)

AG: Hey! Some of us need you for something!

AC: Can it wait? I'm kind of tired, and I just had a crisis that might cause me to rethink my whole life. A lot of it's been a lie, perpetuated by my own matesprit.

AG: No, it can't! We need you to use the coins to interrog8 Damara and find out what she's up to!

AC: Well, ok, but why hear? And why me?

AG: 8ecause you have the coins and she's dangerous!

AC: Then why can't you do it? Didn't you say you were God-tier?

AG: I'm 8usy organizing a meeting! You'll see soon! It's, uh, sort of a party! And a very important meeting that you C8N'T MISS!

AC: Ok. I guess so. What else do I have to do to get my mind off of it all?

AG: Gr8! Let me know how it goes! See you at the meeting!

Arachne's Gift as ceased trolling Anthropomorphic Complexity

AC: …I thought you'd be willing to listen to me. Guess not.