Author's Note: We live in strange times.

This would take place sometime before the beginning of Arcane Act II so Jinx is slightly younger, like 12/13.

Bigass title because it's from the song "Resurrection" by The Agonist. I listened to the EP on repeat to finish this.

Warning: unhealthy support, mental issues, descriptions of violence, it's from Jinx's perspective.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned just a fraction of the genius storytelling of Arcane. Wish it could rub off by just admiring. Unfortunately, I do not and it does not.

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Jinx was trying really really damn hard not to shoot someone. Part of the thing stopping her was the fact her gun was resting on top of Silco's desk, out of reach (well, out of reach until she stood up and ripped it off the table and blew someone's head off). Speaking of blowing off people's heads, she did have a couple grenades with her that would do a nice trick on that.

"Jinx."

Then again, they'd blow off a whole lotta heads, including Silco's, including hers, so yeah, maybe the gun was a better option. It'd certainly make her feel a whole lot better.

"Jinx."

It took her the rough sound of a thug scoffing to make her raise her eyes, realizing it wasn't Mylo or Vi calling her or just an echo of her own head. Sometimes it was hard to tell, alright?, if it was someone that wasn't actually dead; dare she say, someone actually real, 'cause that was a thing, too.

She took another moment to sync and tune back into her surroundings, Silco's office, him and Sevika and a couple more goons, right. Having a chat about a strikeback retaliation on the Firelights after they had destroyed a cargo of Shimmer. Right. Her foot stopped making her whole leg tap up and down.

Sevika exhaled loudly. "You were the one who offered up to go on with the plan. I told you it was too much to-"

"My plan, my execution, right?" Jinx cut her off, throwing a grin towards the scowling woman. "I dozed off a bit. Where were we?"

"That's the point. You daze off."

"Not my question, sugarpie."

"You're off to your head when we're here talking, with no stakes at play. What about when you're actually in the field, doing this or any other thing? If you freeze up lost in your little headspace?"

"What about it?"

"We have more important things to worry about than you, Jinx."

"Can you deny that her plan is good?" Silco interrupted, placing the question with a poignant click of the cigar cutter. Jinx saw the thugs straighten up their backs however slightly, but Sevika just turned her head to him.

"And you honestly think she's ready?" she asked Silco directly.

"If I didn't, we wouldn't be here having this conversation," Silco replied unhesitantly.

There was a beat of silence. Silco and Sevika just looked at each other for a moment. Maybe the two of them exchanged a conversation between them that everyone else didn't hear, like Jinx so often engaged with herself. Jinx gritted her teeth by reflex, part awed at the conversation skills they had, part annoyed they were 'talking' about her right in front of her.

"So, we all agree I don't need a babysitter, right? Can I go and tic-tic-boom-kaboom in peace?"

"It's not a babysitter you need, no."

Silco snapped a lighter open and lit his cigar.

"We'll continue to discuss this later. Get out," he commanded as he breathed out a cloud of smoke. Sevika breathed out too, not too subtly, and she and the goons stood up. Jinx huffed loudly, hopping off the couch only to sink back down with an even louder huff and making her hair go woosh on the way at the: "Not you, Jinx," that followed.

Jinx showed an impressive amount of self-control to only start firing up after the door closed behind the guys, already anticipating the disapproving/disappointed speech.

"I know, I know what you're gonna say, this is serious and important and I can't be acting like a stupid little girl just going..." Suddenly she realized why she wanted to shoot someone and why she had got lost in thought. "...just going 'oh this can go wrong and this will go wrong' and so I should just worry instead in it not going wrong but it can go wrong and I just... I just am so- ugh."

It could go wrong and we all know just how bad, bad bad things turn out when it's her hands on the job, right?

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, she wanted to be helpful, to do something right for once, was it that damn hard? For once? Just to make it fun once in a while? Huh? Just a little bit of good fun.

By then, Jinx had started to giggle hysterically and her foot restarted tapping on the floor. Oh, we do know how it is, don't we? Why should it be any different this time? Her plan, her execution, her fuck-up.

"Shut up," she threw at Mylo immediately, snapping her head towards the door. "I just want to help."

"Is that what it is?" Silco's voice was still as calm as before and Jinx turned to him just expecting him to yell, honestly kinda torn between wanting him to or not, to show her she was right in her fears despite her good intentions and say the words she was expecting to hear, those accusations, but he didn't. "What part of the plan worries you?"

Jinx scoffed. "Me," she spat out. Just her. Just her, that was the fucking point! She jinxes everything so why would this marvelous plan go any different? Why get happy about it if it's just gonna blow up in someone's face that it's not supposed to and mess everything up? She'd end up burning down a whole neighbourhood plus herself plus Sevika plus every damn goon Silco sent in to help out and half Shimmer production in one single attempt.

Or worse! Of course, or worse, she wouldn't die, she'd just have to face all the irreversible damage she'd done and all the accusations and all the lies about the truth but the truth wouldn't matter anymore because the new truth was bigger than her own tiny truth and- and-

Jinx wanted to scream. Damn, she wanted to kill someone. At least be actually in control on whether someone died or not. For once. And this plan could be such a nice opportunity for that. It would be so nice, just... bang bang bang. Tic tic boom.

"Jinx?"

"Huh," she snapped back, turning her head first towards the sound and her eyes later, Silco's image regaining focus. He was suddenly a lot closer, when had he stood up from the chair?

"I said you sounded so excited before. About wanting to help."

"Because I want to do it and I want it to work but I know how I work. And it's always bad."

"Is this out of your comfort zone?"

"Uh, yeah, not messing up is. I know, I know, you don't need to tell me!" It was Jinx who yelled instead, 'cause Silco was getting on her nerves and so was Mylo. At least Silco didn't particularly react to that, just kept smoking and breathed out as he sat on the sofa next to her. Jinx fought against the urge to curl up against him because she was mad, he was mad at her.

"I like your plan. I honestly think it'll work with no major problems."

She perked up. "You do?"

Silco turned his gaze to her, his good eyebrow slightly furrowed. "Did you think I said that to Sevika on a whim?"

Jinx sank back against and down the sofa, practically lying with her neck awkwardly bent now, biting her lip a bit with her eyes lowered. She sometimes did this when Vi was mad at her, or she was mad at Vi. Who knows which one.

"You could've. And you did tell everyone to leave after you had just said 'this conversation is only happening because I believe her'" she repeated, trying to mimic his much lower voice than hers and turning it into a silly sounding parody. Silco gave a scoffed laugh that made Jinx turn her eyes back to him again.

"I worry about you more than I do Sevika. I wanted to talk with you first. If you're worried about something, I want you to tell me so I can try to help you."

"I've told you now," Jinx replied, starting to play with a lock of hair on her chest. "I don't wanna mess up."

Silco hummed, giving another moment of pause as he smoked before saying: "Risk is part of life, Jinx. Ultimately, there are some things that are out of your hands, while others you can control to the best of your abilities. And even so, there are risks. "

"Yeah, but how do I control that?"

"Your plan, your execution," Silco repeated her words back at her. "If something goes wrong, we'll figure out a way to fix it together. In this case in particular, if the targets aren't killed, at least they get the message to stay back. If it causes colateral damage casualties for instance, well, like I said, risk is part of life."

Jinx shrugged. "I just want to make a good explosion." Tic-tic, clank-clank-boom.

"And I want people to know they aren't supposed to attack our stock," Silco added. "You have a way to do that. See? You're helpful. You're useful, and you're ready, Jinx."

Jinx could barely turn her head up in the position she was in, but she did it with the best of her abilities, and soon after scrumbled up and tackled Silco in a hug, squeezing herself against him or him against her. Who knows which one. She just wanted to feel him close, to make sure somehow she'd grab onto him if he actually tried to let go.

"Do you feel calmer now?" Silco asked quietly. Jinx nuzzled her face against his arm.

"Yeah." She then admitted: "I don't want Sevika to be right." She realized that torn from before was gone and she didn't want any of those bad words to be true, nor would she want Silco to be mad at her.

"That won't happen. She's not right." He put out the cigar and kissed her on the top of the head. "When you can, do you mind calling in Sevika for me? There's something we need to continue discussing."

Eventually, they did put Jinx's plan into action and it did go well - according to the expectations. A normal amount of dozing off, a very nice explosion, people died, Silco was happy and so was Jinx.

And Sevika grew much more careful how she addressed her opinion of Jinx's abilities in front of Silco from there on.

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the end

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Thanks for reading, please point out mistakes.

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