Chapter 55

Even after being gone for so long, Aranea found the Land of Fog and Shine just as she had left it: beautiful yet plain. The fog was still clear from when she had ascended to God-tier, but she hadn't taken a good look at the landscape since she had wandered that weird, winding path in a forest. The parts of the planet that weren't covered in trees were plains and hills filled with grass. As she flew over everything she could sometimes see gusts of wind bending groups of the blades, only for them to stand back up seconds later.

Focus, she told herself. You're here for Echidna's needles, not a nature walk. She passed over her hive and went down to it, hoping to pack up supplies for wherever Echidna was—she was somewhere on the planet, she could just feel it—but LOFAS was a pretty big place. She had just gotten inside when she heard an excited hiss and a white blur rushed over to her.

"Nelly!" Aranea gasped, embracing her lusus' head. "I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long! I almost forgot about you! I missed you." Nelly seemed willing to forgive Aranea leaving her. Last time they had been together was when she had brought her over to Horuss' planet to bury his body. Without even telling her, Nelly had made her way back to the hive on her own. Aranea felt blessed to have such a caring lusus.

"Hey, it's great that we're together again, but I need your help with something. I'm looking for my Denizen. Her name is Echidna. I don't know how much you remember of the Sgrub stuff we talked about, but I need to see her and get something from her, something very important. Do you think you could give me a ride and—whoa!"

Nelly used her mandibles to grab Aranea and placed her gently on the space between her head and abdomen, opened the door and lowered her body so that they could both get through, and set off through the plains.

"Hold on, Nelly!" Aranea protested. "Do you even know where you're taking us?" She felt a bump in her seat as the spider nodded, and they set off for parts unknown together.

. . . . . .

Damara turned on her computer, using it to make contact with Aranea. She didn't know the other trolls' handles before the session started, but thanks to time shenanigans she had long ago figure out everything she needed to know.

Armagedo's Associate (AA) began trolling Arachne's Gift (AG)

AA: Hello. This is Damara. Despite our past conflicts, my sources tell me you want to initiate the Scratch. The Cardinal Movement, which must be scratched in order to reset the session, is on my planet. If you were to give the needles to me, I would be happy to assist you in this task. Like you, I have come to realize that our session is doomed to fail, and I want to survive as much as you do.

It was short, sweet, and to the point, Damara decided, so she sent it. But it was also a bit forced, so Aranea responded:

AG: Intersgtting

AG: *Interesting. Sorry, I'm on my phone and autocorrect is screwing me over. Plus my lusus is taking me over a ton of hbumps

AG: *bumps and hills and such so this isn't a good time for me to chat. But why should I trust you?

Damara was trying to think of a good excuse for suddenly switching sides when Lord English spoke to her: "WITCH. REMEMBER YOUR TASK, THE ONE OF WHICH THE BARD INSTRUCTED. YOU MUST ERASE ALL MEMORIES OF ME FROM THEIR MINDS. MY…PLUSH HENCHMEN HAVE TAKEN SYMPATHY WITH THOSE WHO SEEK TO SCRATCH THE SESSION. IT WAS ALL ACCORDING TO MY PLAN, OF COURSE—THEY MUST REMEMBER THAT THEY ARE TRYING TO ESCAPE DEATH. BUT THEY CANNOT KNOW THAT IT WOULD COME FROM MY HAND. SILENCE MY HENCHMEN FROM DIVULGING WHO I AM, BUT DO NOT KILL THEM."

She gave a small nod and felt the thrill of rushing through time. It was like jumping into a familiar outdoor pond: the coldness took her breath away, but she knew exactly where she was and knew its dimensions so well that she could simply swim through with no trouble. Seconds later she found herself in the Felt mansion, knowing exactly what she needed to do.

She found the Felt watching their respective trolls through their video screens, with the exception of Doze, who appeared to be stationary but was likely slowing down time for himself to take in all the activity in the room. Damara snapped her fingers and the Felt members all turned to her:

"I told you she was coming!" Finn whispered to Crowbar. "Her future trail started right here!"

"I have a message from our Lord," Damara said, trying to give off a gentle but firm tone of voice. She felt like a priestess giving a sermon as she continued: "Disclosure of our Lord's name and intentions to the players allied against us is strictly prohibited."

Crowbar raised his hand. "Does telling them count if they ignore you?" he asked.

"No," Damara said. "In the future, the Sgrub players allied against us will attempt to initiate the Scratch. I come from the time in which they know how and why, but now we must make them forget 'why'. Simply refrain from mentioning our Lord to them in the present, and the rest will follow." Damara felt as if her words were not her own. She felt as if Lord English was giving her a script that she was meant to read.

Before she had the chance to even see the Felt members' reactions and check to make sure none of them were dissenting, she felt herself falling back into the present. To the other Felt members, it simply looked like she had vanished; that was unusual, but certainly not impossible. It had been obvious from her professional mannerisms that Lord English had spoken through her. Finn spoke up, breaking the silence:

"Hmm…their future trails," he remarked, giving a quick glance at the screens monitoring each troll. "Nothing's changed on any of their future trails."

"Or their past trails," Trace added. "Normally this kind of event would affect their motivations, but something is keeping them going blindly through their tasks."

"And it's all because of meeee!" Clover sang as he twirled about.

"And you'd best sit tight and shut up, Clover!" Cans urged, attempting to slap him. Clover sidestepped out of the way at the last second and kept up his strange dance.

"And we're all just ok with this?" Crowbar asked the group. They all nodded and kept on watching their trolls.

"We're hardly doing anything here," Crowbar protested. "We just keep watching them like it's some kind of TV show! And you're all just satisfied with that? Everything's just peachy, huh?" Everyone was too busy being idle to reply.

"My God," Crowbar sighed, "Why couldn't I have just gotten a better job?" But since he was bound to die very soon anyway, it didn't matter what his job was!

. . . . . . .

"What are we doing with all of this, exactly?" Porrim asked Latula.

"Hold on a sec, I'm still skimming the instructions Aranea sent us again," she answered. Although they had done their best to follow Aranea's instructions, at the moment all they had were a long metal table and a bunch of frogs that weren't content to sticking around on an unfamiliar surface. Porrim had already bred frogs before, but it was through alchemizing and spatial manipulation. This was conventional frog breeding, an entirely different matter. Their Genesis Frog was sitting in its tank in Porrim's hive, watching the proceedings from a window. Making the "Exodus Frog" was going to be challenging.

"Well, make it quick," Porrim urged. "I hate having to touch these slimy things." One of the frogs jumped off the table to try and escape, but Porrim caught it. When she placed it back on the table it left her hand feeling moist. "Ew…I'll alchemize us a sink or something so we won't get warts or germs or anything like that. And some paper towels."

"That's not our big priority right now!" Latula insisted. "We have to 'sex' the frogs right now. Something about figuring out whether they're boys or girls, then we have to get them to breed."

"We have to what? We didn't do anything like that last time I bred frogs with Kankri."

"I'll do that part. Oh, and…crap, I forgot to get the enclosures ready. We keep all the dude frogs in one and all the chick frogs in another."

"Why didn't you read that part carefully? And why can't we just use the swamp all around us?" Porrim protested as she blocked another frog with her forearm. The frog simply jumped over and she had to stoop to pick it up, just as another frog hopped off the table from the opposite end.

"Hold on, I'm still reading…ok, we have to sex the frogs first before we make the enclosures. That way we can control the gene selection process, whatever that means."

"So how do we figure out if they're…dudes or chicks?" Porrim withdrew her purse from her specibus and placed the frogs inside. She hated getting it dirty but it was the best way to keep the slimy bastards from running off.

"I'll figure it out!" Latula repeated as she closed the laptop. She counted the frogs for a moment and—

"Porrim, we're missing one!"

"Oh, I put him in my purse, I'll get him out. He tried running off. Or she did." The frog made a squealing sound as it was taken out of her purse but it seemed to be alive.

"Don't put them in there next time, we can't have them getting heart attacks on us! You scared that one to death, locking him in a thing without air holes or water."

"Frogs can get heart attacks?"

"I think so!"

These misunderstandings persisted for a few minutes, but once Latula was able to sort the dude frogs from the chick frogs they got to work.

"Ok, we've got to get our frogs to have certain genes, and then we need a girl frog from the last litter we use to mate with the Genesis Frog. The first gene we have to breed into them is 'otherworldliness'," Latula read. "I don't know how you figure that out, but let's just get the frog with the most spaced out look."

"So, the one I put in my purse, then?" Porrim suggested. "He looks like he's seen a ghost. Of course, they all kind of look like that, with those round eyes."

"Then gimme Mr. Scaredy-frog and let's get started!"

. . . . . . .

Horuss woke up to find him in his bed in Derse. He didn't remember falling asleep, but he did remember that Aranea had given him a task. What was it now…? Right, something about Whore-Tearers and asking them to create a pocket…something. A pocket for something! ===D

He hoped that was right. But how was he supposed to do that, he thought as he got out from his bed. He never liked wearing this purple pajamas—they weren't his color and they were too modest for his tastes. He would have preferred a black thong for himself and a skimpy fairy costume for Rufioh instead, but now wasn't the time to be fantasizing about that sort of thing. He had to contact some whores. He made his way through the streets of Derse, asking around for them. He started with a bakery.

"===D E%cuse me, good sir, do you know where I might be able to find some whores?" the Dersite at the counter looked shocked, angrily coming around to shoo him away.

"Get out of here with that kind of talk! This is a family place, get the Hell out!" Horuss was too strong to be pushed out, so he stood there, puzzled.

"D=== Forgive me," Horuss explained. "I do not wish to partake in se%ual dealings with these whores. I only wish for them to make a pocket for me."

"I don't care what you claim to be looking for. If you don't settle down or buy something I'm calling the police!"

"I see. In that case, I would like a cheese Danish to pleasure myself with. Your cheesiest, in fact."

"That'll be 3 boondollars, and when you say 'pleasure', you had better mean eat it, boy."

"Of course. What else would I do with a Danish?"

Horus flew out of the bakery once he got his order and continued his search, nibbling on his Danish. He was less hungry now but he still had no clue where to find these whores. Perhaps a clothing store would have some idea of making a pocket. He decided to go back to his room and check the Internet on the computer his tower seemed to conveniently have—the Wi-fi was excellent and he doubted anybody would charge him for it. As he logged on he realized that he didn't have much of an idea as to what these whores looked like, so he decided to troll Rufioh.

Uncensored Terror (UT) began trolling Aztlan's Underling (AU)

UT: ==D Hello, Rufioh. I wish to contact you again.

AU: Hey, man. 1'm tak1ng care of M1tuna r1ght now. What do you need?

UT: ===D I seem to have forgotten about the details of these 'Whore-Tearers' Aranea has ta%ed me with finding. What do they 100k like, again?

AU: ?

AU: Wa1t, you mean the Horror-Terrors? You got 1t all wrong, Horuss. You're look1ng for some k1nd of tentacled monster th1ngs, not sl*ts. 1 don't know where they are, but you are NOT look1ng for the r1ght th1ng. Aranea m1ght know. 1 gotta go now, 1 th1nk M1tuna wants to play. Go forth and search to the extreme, bro!

UT: ===D I will! Thank you, lover!

AU: Ok, bye…Btw, 1n't 1t f*ck1ng awesome how these towers have the1r own free W1-f1?

UT: ===D Yes, it certainly is!

Aztlan's Underling has left.

Uncensored Terror began trolling Arachne's Gift (AG)

AG: I could have sworn my trollhandle says I'm offline. Don't 8other me right now, Horuss, I'll have to respond later.

UT: ===D But

AG: 8ye! Talk to Porrim or Kankri or some8ody else!

Arachne's Gift has left.

Uncensored Terror began trolling Gender=Advocate (GA) and Critic of Generality (CG)

UT: ====D Good day, friends. I wish to know if either if you had any knowledge on the subject of the whores who tear.

GA: Leave us alo+ne, Ho+russ. If anything yo+u're the who+re. Who+russ.

CG: I am n9 familiar with any illicit temptresses wh9 9ffer seducti9n f9r pay. What do y9u mean 6y this?

UT: ===D Pardon me. I meant to say, "Horror-Terrors".

GA: My Go+g, are yo+u really so+ stupid as to+ co+nfuse "Ho+rro+r" with "Who+re"? I do+n't kno+w what I saw in yo+u o+her than abso+lute disdain.

UT: ======D Well, I believe you are e%ceptionally stupid as well.

CG: N9ne 9f this, y0u tw9! We all have tasks we should 6e w9rking 9n. H9russ, I am unfamiliar with the appearance and physical descriptions 9f the H9rr9r Terr9rs. I kn9w that they live in the "Furthest Ring", which is an area 9f empty space surr9unding Derse. As y9u are m9st likely 9n Derse, I suggest expl9ring t9 the regi9ns 9f space that seem t9 lack stars.

UT: ===D But how will I know the Horror-Terrors when I see them?

CG: That will 6e up t9 y9u. P9rrim and I are 8usy with 9ur assignments fr9m Aranea. Have y9u asked her ab9ut this pr96lem?

GA: She's no+ o+nline. I checked her trollhandle earlier. Talking with Echidna, I suspect.

CG: Very well. H9russ, we have d9ne all we can. We wish y9u the 6est 9f luck.

GA: I do+n't.

CG: Just pretend that y9u d9! G99d6ye f9r n9w, H9russ!

UT: D=== Than% for your help.

Horuss logged off and sighed. No one was any help. He descended his tower again and walked along the streets of Derse, looking upward at the sky for any signs of tentacles. Predictably, there were none. Who looked up at the sky to look for tentacles, anyway?

He was so busy looking up at the sky that he didn't notice the gleaming pair of eyes watching him from an alleyway. Horuss felt claws dig into his back. His body was defenseless without his armor, and he was left struggling around the ground, screaming while trying to flip himself over so he could punch his attacker. He still had his fists, but if he wasn't in a position to actually use them he was toast. The guttural growls above him gave a clue as to who was attacking. Horuss arched his back and propped his feet on the ground, waiting for the right moment. He was strong enough to handle a few more scratches. When she didn't suspect him to be ready to counterattack he bucked her off, just the way a STRONG horse would. A hiss came from his attacker as she sprawled out on the cobblestones in the ground.

"Hor-hisssss!" she rasped. Meulin's claws were tipped in his blood like quill-and-ink pens, but his back hadn't been the best place to scratch. Horuss punched Meulin in the face, bruising her feline complexion.

"====D My poor, dear, sweet, poor, dear, sweet, sweet, dear, poor…" Meulin did her best to focus on Horuss with the eye he hadn't hit as her opponent kept repeating the same adjectives. She pounced when she felt like it.

"====D You should have aimed for my throat!" Horuss taunted as he met Meulin's pounce with a punch to her gut. She gasped and fell once again, and Horuss breathed heavily as he stood over her.

"===D I would dispose of you like the common, low-b100d trash you are, but first, please tell me why in the name of Parado% Space you even attacked me in the first place?" Meulin said nothing. "=====D Well, then," Horuss continued, "I suppose you wouldn't mind if I put you out of your—"

"All right, that's it!" A tall, gruff-voiced Dersite fired a shot from his plasma pistol. Horuss was stunned just long enough for the Dersite to cuff his hands. Next he did the same to Meulin.

"You two are under arrest for disturbing the peace!" Hegemonic Brute declared. The two trolls were hauled off to the Dersite jail—and due to new regulations enacted by Jack, the fee to bail someone out of jail was much higher.

AN: I broke my "no more typing quirks" rule for Horuss for this chapter. His is fun to play around with! Anyway, no, this fanfic isn't dead.

BTW, there is a reference to something in this chapter. Hint: It's a bad webcomic, it's not Homestuck-related and it's in the troll logs. First to find it gets nothing because I have no rewards to give.