Chapter 57
Kankri would have liked to stay with Porrim and Latula and help them breed the frogs, but Aranea had given him his own assignment. Being especially good at processing long walls of text, Kankri learned everything he needed to about ectobiology. Apparently, all of the meteor that had already crashed into Beforus before they left were existing in "The Veil". It was some sort of "time thing", as Aranea had explained in the incredibly long PDF. Kankri's job was to go to these meteors, make some slime clones of all of the trolls, then have them become baby versions of themselves.
"This is weird and defies the laws 9f nature and science alike," Kankri remarked. "6ut I'll d9 it. 6ut there's 9ne pr96lem: H9w d9 I get there?" In his rush to get back home and read the document, Kankri hadn't bothered to schedule a Prospit shuttle to pick him up and take him to the Veil. He doubted he could bring the lab to his own world. He searched his inventory for an idea. If this was a video game, then surely there was some sort of convenient item that would help him, right? Checking his sylladex (or was it his specibus?) he found nothing except for a clover-shaped marshmallow. Trolling Aranea about it didn't help; just when he needed her most she wasn't around.
Don't fret, lad! You've got a great item in the form of…MARSHMALLOW POWER!
"Are y9u an ally 9f my Exile?" Kankri asked the mysterious voice that appeared inside his head.
Nope! In fact, I'm an enemy of his! At least for now. Thanks to the power of time shenanigans, which I acquired from my hourglass marshmallow, I'm talking to ya from the past, and the future! Just eat that clover marshmallow and cry out "MARSHMALLOW POWER!" as loud as you can. It'll double your luck!
"What exactly d9es that mean? I recall hearing that phrase 6ef9re, 6ut it is s9mewhat du6i9us."
You're not lucky enough to know that secret, I'm afraid. Just know it'll be good! Ta ta!
"If y9u were never here, then h9w can y9u declare that y9u are leaving?" Kankri asked. He got no answer from Clover but ate the marshmallow anyway, yelling out "MARSHMALL9W P9WER!" Just as Clover had instructed.
Suddenly, a knock came at his door. It was the same Prospitan mail-carrying woman from before. She said nothing but pointed to her golden ship, and was inviting Kankri on.
"I d9n't kn9w why this is happening, 6ut I guess I'm 96ligated t9 accept it," Kankri decided. He got on the ship and relaxed while PM took him through space.
. . . . . .
Damara returned to her world, her mission complete. All it took was convincing the Felt not to say a word about Lord English. They technically already had, but as the present timeline continued, what she had changed in the past would manifest themselves in the present. It was all so simple!
Kurloz was there when she returned to her world, the Land of Lost Time, the empty black world of floating clocks, and the Cardinal Movement. He had been staring in awe at Lord English for a good while now, restrained in reverence of his Master. Damara felt compelled to bow as he was doing once she saw her Lord, but found that she could not.
YOU STILL HAVE MORE TO DO, WITCH, Lord English told her. He did not move his mouth or say anything audibly, only speaking to her with his mind just as he had done before. JOURNEY THROUGH THIS WORLD TO REACH THE CARDINAL MOVEMENT. THE THIEF OF LIFE WILL FOLLOW YOU. FIGHT HER TO MAKE HER SEE REASON. THEN, DEFEAT THE CARDINAL MOVEMENT TOGETHER. YOU WILL DO THE MOST DAMAGE, BUT SHE WILL STRIKE THE FINAL BLOW. I WILL TELL YOU WHEN TO BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY. FOR NOW, REST IN YOUR HIVE. THE WITCH MUST RECEIVE THE NEEDLES FROM THE SYLPH. THEN YOU WILL REACH THE CARDINAL MOVEMENT BEFORE THE WITCH REACHES YOU.
("Will Kurloz be helping me?") Damara asked.
NO. HE HAS HIS OWN TASK TO COMPLETE. HE IS NEEDED ON THE BATTLEFIELD, TO BRING ABOUT THE END IN A DIFFERENT WAY. NOW GO AND REST IN YOUR HIVE. THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I CAN GUARANTEE YOU SAFETY. WAKE WHEN I TELL YOU TO.
Damara wordlessly obeyed and crossed the rope bridge from the pocket watch-like platform they all stood on to her hive. She tried to sleep but couldn't. There was simply too much to think about.
. . . . . .
Arachne's Gift (AG) began trolling Cetaceous Catastrophe (CC)
AG: Meenah, where are you right now?
CC: on my wave to kick some boat
AG: Damara, right?
CC: yup
AG: Stop 8y my world first. I need to give you Echidna's Needles. You'll need those to scratch the Cardinal Movement.
CC: all bight
CC: wade, what exactly IS this coral movement
AG: I…honestly don't know. I didn't think to discuss it with Echidna. She kind of got me worked up.
CC: u all bight now serket
AG: Yeah, sure.
AG: Hey, Meenah?
CC: ay
AG: Do you remem8er what we're doing this for?
CC: yeah, so that we can live batter
AG: That's not a fish pun.
CC: course not, it's a baking pun
AG: I see. Well, remem8er to stop 8y world. That's all I really need to say. I wish I could tell you more a8out the Cardinal Movement, 8ut I don't know what it is. 8e prepared for anything, though. And don't forget what we're fighting for. A newer, 8etter world than what we had to leave 8ehind.
CC: serket are you ok? You sound sad
AG: I'm fine, Meenah.
CC: K waterevers
AG: Also, Meenah, how are you getting here? I don't think a Dersite battleship would come over here for any reason. There's no action here.
CC: yeah, I knew that, that's why I got me a bass-ilisk swimmin' through space for me
AG: What?! How? I don't they can 8reathe in space!
CC: it's cool, he's got a helmet
AG: Oh, yes, right, the helmets…I didn't know they worked that well. It would have 8een nice to know that earlier in the session, huh?
CC: I know bight
AG: Anyway, it'll 8e good to see you soon. I need to give you the other marshmallow I have, too.
CC: yeah yeah, we'll do all that in a jiffy
AG: That wasn't a fish pun!
CC: No, it's another bakin' pun. I sink.
AG: I'd ask Damara about that. Anyway, good8ye for now.
CC: bye
Arachne's Gift has ceased trolling Cetaceous Catastrophe
CC: I don't believe you when you say you're all right tho
. . . . . .
Kurloz arrived on a Dersite transport ship to the Battlefield to see that everything was in chaos. Soldiers from both sides were fighting each other as gruesomely as they could. There were no formations or organized units at this point, only a sea of violence and death. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, Kurloz remembered the old joke: "What's black and white and red all over?" Now he knew the answer, but he didn't have time to think about it—he had his orders.
On his journey to the center of the checkered planet, Kurloz saw the black and white kings beating each other with their pistols. Apparently they had run out of ammo long ago and were now simply hitting each other with the blunt ends of their weapons. Kurloz ran past them, taking care to check to see that neither of them accidentally stumbled backward into him.
After what felt like miles of walking, he reached a tunnel that led to the core of the Battlefield, neglected and unguarded by both sides. At the end of the long tunnel, he noticed a small black and white ball.
THAT IS WHAT YOU SEEK, PRINCE, said the Mirthful Messiah. IT IS CALLED THE TUMOR. IT MUST BE DETONATED AT THE RIGHT TIME BY THE THIEF TO USHER IN THE NEW UNIVERSE, AND THE DESTRUCTION OF THE OLD. TAKE AND DELIVER IT TO THE WITCH'S PLANET.
Kurloz did as he was told and placed it in his inventory (or whatever you want to call that). He left the Battlefield the same way he had arrived, and still the carapacians ignored him. After all that had happened in the session, he was surprised at how simple and easy his last mission was.
. . . . . . .
Meanwhile, as she rode on her basilisk through space, Meenah was thinking the same thing of her own mission. Aranea had been quick in delivering her Echidna's needles, which were way too big to really call needles, not that Meenah knew much about knitting. After all of the fighting, levelling up, and shenanigans throughout their game, this final mission seemed to be rather easy. It was as if the beings who had originally made this game had given up on a satisfying ending and rushed everything together. Oh, whale. That was just how some games were, sometimes.
Damara's world was bleak and nearly empty. Meenah was confused—and even a bit amused—by the fact that there was nothing but a black sky everywhere, with no stars, clouds, or anything to make where you were on the planet except for gates and floating platforms with clock faces on their surfaces. Either Damara was just really uncreative, or just really depressing in her tastes. Or had her world perhaps been chosen by someone other than her?
In any case, Meenah flew on her tireless basilisk, searching for this "Cardinal Movement". She felt like she would know it when she saw it, but she wasn't sure what she was looking for.
("Meenah. Head northwest. You're almost there.")
Meenah didn't know where that voice in her head was coming from, but she had the sense it was Damara. Everything was coming together and letting her know exactly what to do. In the end, it was just like a game: there were commands and prompts to do things because the player was supposed to be as dumb as a starfish and not be able to figure out anything on their own. It made her miss the good old days on Beforus when games were hard and didn't hold your hand so much. Perhaps Latula would know something about the hard classics.
Meenah followed the single command from Damara's voice to find the speaker of said telepathic voice sitting on a clock-faced platform that didn't look any different from the rest, save for the giant structure that sat on it. It was a giant, golden cube surrounded by a tall crystal.
"You are here," Damara said. "That is good. Do you have the needles?"
"Shores, I got'em," Meenah replied. "And it's all good in the neighborhood when I'm here. Now let's get this scratching started!" Meenah immediately took out both needles, approached the crystal and made a series of scratches to break through the crystal to eventually reach the box. She had only been going at it for a few seconds before she heard a displeased grunt from Damara:
"Stop. You are not scratching it properly."
"Whale, what the shell's wrong with my scratches?" Meenah demanded. "I been dewing my best here. Ain't supposed to be scratching a rock with needles, anywave. What were the Sgrub people thinkin' with this mechanic?" Meenah especially hated to use a word like "mechanic" because she couldn't think of a way to make that into a fish pun.
"Your are treating the needles like they are pickaxes or cutting knives," Damara insisted. "Your cuts must not be like a knife cutting a cake, but long and deliberate slashes of a blade designed to cut flesh. This crystal is not like rock. It is much weaker than it looks. I would have destroyed it already, if I did not require the needles from Echidna."
"Whale, excuse me for bein' batter at cuttin' cakes then cuttin' people," Meenah said. "Betides, I use a thrusty weapon, not some edgy slashing things like you."
For some reason, that remark enraged Damara. It didn't even feel like it was her own rage, but that of someone else's—someone else had put it into her in order to make her fight. And because she had lost the will to be anything other than a pawn long ago, she unsheathed her own blade and attempted to strike Meenah.
"My weapon is not edgy," she said calmly once Meenah had turned around and deflected her Blade of Bitterness with cat-like reflexes using Echidna's Needles.
"Aw, shell," Meenah said with a sigh. "You're the final bass, ain't ya?"
"It would appear so," Damara said. A smile almost formed on her lips.
The two ladies fought, blades clashing against blades, both of unknown material, and both full of fury and arrogance. Damara swung her single blade in a sweep, hoping to knock Meenah off of her feet, but Meenah thrust one of her needles—there was no question that they were hers now—into Damara's stomach. No blood was drawn forth, but the blow still staggered her. Meenah focused on doing overhead strikes and pokes, bludgeoning Damara while also trying to drive her away, maybe even off of the platform if she could, into the abyss below. Plus, it felt good to defy her orders and defeat her without using a single slashing attack.
But Meenah's fantasy of a quick fight came to an end when Damara used her blade to deflect a thrust from both needles at different angles. Meenah's jaw dropped in surprise, and she looked like she was going to make a snide remark, but Damara kicked Meenah's vulnerable body with a spiked heel, hitting her in the hip. Meenah shuddered and moved her arms away from Damara, who capitalized on the opportunity by slashing at Meenah's face. At least, that's where she had been aiming; Meenah moved her head out of the way just in time to avoid a potentially fatal blow. But the blades lacerated sides still sunk into her shoulder and shed some of her royal blood.
"You ain't gonna sea anymore of this!" Meenah hissed with rage. With surprising force she thrust one of the needles into Damara's face, letting it go so that she could withdraw her 2X3dent, her real weapon of choice. Damara used her blade to bat Meenah's discarded needle aside, and it rolled to the ground on her left. Meenah's primary weapon was in her left hand, and she was ready to thrust it into Damara, but the latter troll jammed her weapon into its tips to get them stuck. Meenah growled in frustration but eventually realized she could use this to her advantage. She switched from trying to pull her weapon free to simply thrusting it with Damara's weapon still lodged in it. The side of Damara's own blade lodged itself on the left side of her stomach, and the poked at her as well. But Damara ignored the pain in order to deliver another swift kick, this time one that swung around Meenah's wounded shoulder and straight down onto her head, even jamming itself into her wounded shoulder as she went down in agony. Meenah nearly dropped her weapon as she fell onto her stomach, screaming in pain. Damara dislodged her weapon from Meenah's and pointed it at her with her left hand.
"A Thief of Life is not needed for the reset of this session," she warned her. "You are expendable."
Meenah looked up at her with immense rage. "I always hated you, you little bitch," she spat, forgoing the fish pun this time. "I never wanted you in this damn game. It was all Aranea's idea. I'm the one who started all of this, and I'm going to end it. You're going to regret calling your Empress expendable, you worthless flotsam."
"Flotsam?" Damara repeated. She hovered her blade over Meenah's neck. "I am far more powerful than you can conceive."
Meenah was still gripping her 2X3dent, and now she grasped it tightly as she thrust it back and upwards. Damara had not realized she would still be able to use it despite lying on her stomach and bleeding from her head and shoulder. Meenah lodged it into her Damara's shoulder, the one that held the blade, causing her to drop it. It clattered lightly to the ground, but not before slashing at the back of Meenah's neck. She was so overcome with adrenaline that she didn't notice the wound, not knowing what Damara's blade could do. She sprung to her feet and bashed Damara with the middle part of the 2X3dent, then slashed the needle she had still been gripping in her left hand this whole time, slashing at Damara's face. The gash began just above her right eye and continued in a downward rush across her face, chin, chest and right thigh. Damara's rust-colored blood oozed from her wound, and she doubled over in pain. Meenah stomped on her left shoulder-wounded from her trident-with her foot to bring her to her knees, pointing the 2X3dent into her back and pointing the needle at her throat.
"You were right, Megiddo," Meenah remarked. "They do slash a lot better than just a poke or a strike. Now let me get back to my work, 'kay? Thanks." Meenah slammed her trident into Damara's back, pinning her to the ground.
Damara watched as Meenah casually walked back to the Cardinal Movement and noticed the wound in the back of her neck. She smiled wickedly, knowing that it wouldn't be long now. Meenah started to begin scratching the crystal, but before she could get far, her knees suddenly buckled as she ran around the structure. She dropped to her knees and coughed up blood.
"What the shell did you do to me, Damara?" Meenah groaned.
"The Blade of Bitterness is just as its name suggests," Damara said simply. She was up off the ground now, having pulled the 2X3dent off of her back (albeit with great pain). She took the needle from Meenah and the one on the ground, proceeding to scratch the rest of the Cardinal Movement. As much as Meenah hated to admit it, she looked cooler doing it as she jumped around and slashed all over the crystal. Meenah had just been going around in a circle and tracing a line in it!
Once Damara had done enough slashes, the crystal began to crack in places where she hadn't scratched. Damara immediately stopped her work when she noticed this and pulled back from the structure. She even dragged Meenah back with her.
"Whale, looks like you did it," Meenah remarked. "Dam. Now water we supposed to do?"
As she spoke, the crystal surrounding the cube shattered and crumbled away, revealing a more detailed look at the structure they had to scratch next.
"What the shell is that? A giant box?" Meenah asked. "Wonder what's inside?"
"It is a music box," Damara said simply.
"A what?"
"A music box. You wind it up and it plays music." Damara noticed a wind-up key on the side of the box, and she twisted it. Somehow, she knew it was the right thing to do.
Although it was the right thing to do, it was not favorable to Damara and Meenah. A hidden panel in the box opened up, and a creature emerged from inside the box as music played from within. The creature stared at Damara and Meenah, although it looked as if it had simple pits where its eyes were supposed to be. The creature wailed, perhaps with fear, or perhaps with disgust.
"What is that thing?" Meenah asked. She was now struggling to stay awake. Whatever poison Damara's sword contained was close to putting her to sleep.
"I have been told by my Lord that it is what we must defeat," Damara answered. The creature wailed, and a new fight began.
